Blog Episode 13: The Legacy

ㅤTHE LEGACYㅤ

And he said unto them, I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven. -Luke 10:18 KJV

FOREWORD:

The following post contains a very long story and documentary of my early life, my aspirations, how this forum was created, and my downfall, but mostly my personal life. This post may not be as accurate and some parts of the stories may have some discrepancies throughout the story, due to the fact that all of this is within a 10 year timespan, and I can’t recall every single thing that happened in my life, so I’m just jotting down everything that I remember so far. Some other parts of the story were intentionally altered however for the purpose of privacy, so please take that with a grain of salt.

If you do not feel like reading all of this, then I’d suggest that you scroll all the way to the bottom of this page and read the “TL:DR”, statement highlighted in red or click the jumplink in the table of contents at the very bottom after the last chapter. With that said, for those who would like to proceed reading this novel-length of a post, get your coffee or popcorn and enjoy the show, thank you!

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Introduction

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For many months, I’ve wanted to put off writing this document, as I’ve been trying so hard not to let this certain “friend”, get under my skin, but after all the shit that I’ve went through with him and the fact that I have been played, I've decided to go all out. This document was originally going to be about him, and how I’ve made a mistake accepting this person into my life, but as I went on to write more and more, I realized that I’ve bitten more than I could chew, so instead, I'd decided to let this be a documentary about the creation of my forum. I want this document to just be an autobiography about myself and the legacy of my forum; my passions and dreams, and how many people destroyed them; all of these things are connected with each other, and they serve an importance to each other as well, including my forum, and the story itself…

You’ve heard me mention in several articles before that I might shine a light on my forum and reveal to you what forum it was, well here it is. The legacy of my forum. This document is supposed to serve as both a document and an autobiography, as both of those things come intertwined with each other, everything connects with one another. This document will cover my early childhood, the creation of the forum, and a bad run in with a certain person in my life that has been causing me nothing but trouble. I have put so much blood and sweat into writing this, and you don’t have to read the entire document, if you don’t want to. Think of this post as one, big, giant, constipated shit that has been staying in my asshole, as I’ve decided to shit it all out; all at once… Everything that is said here is just me venting, as I just wanted to get all of this shit off my chest and move on with my life; and maybe some factual parts here and there. In fact, I’m not recommending that anybody reads this, but if you want the entire thing in a nutshell, well here it is: DON’T TRUST ANYONE ON THE INTERNET!

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s finally get into the story. I put so much hard work into deciding which story to pick that best suits this document, and I tried my best to connect the legacy of my forum, as well as with my personal life, so hopefully I did well writing this. Sit back, grab your popcorn and enjoy.

Chapter 1: Finding my Footing

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So, if you ever are going to read this (which most likely you won't), you probably don't know, but I have been diagnosed with mild schizophrenia/bipolar disorder. If you don't know what either of these disorders are, it causes the sufferer to experience visual hallucinations, auditory hallucinations, and paranoia; while bipolar disorder is where the person goes through a multiple personality disorder. You could say that I have a multiple personality disorder since I go through different moods throughout the day, but at the end of the day, bipolar disorder is mostly an umbrella term for the other variants. I have been experiencing depression and anxiety since I was 13 years old. In 2014, it was late September to early October, I remember very vividly, sitting at my computer, even posting on my forum at that time, and all of a sudden, it just hit me. At that moment, I had anxiety. Though in the past, there were mild signs of anxiety throughout my childhood, and these episodes would last for a couple minutes; this however, it amped up my anxiety to 100, and now I am experiencing this curse every single day, and to this day, I don't know where it came from.

Throughout the following days, came with heightened depression and feelings of hopelessness. 2014, was the worst I've ever experienced, as it was something I had never experienced before in my life. I would lay on the couch, or in bed all day, fantasizing about the worst case-scenario and for some reason, something inside me urged to do things against my will. They were intrusive. And day by day, I would get urges to look up gruesome or gory things on Google. I tried to talk myself out of it, but my anxiety would get worse whenever I delayed the inevitable, mostly feelings of nausea; I would eventually cave in. This is what I would later find out to be called OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). This whole time, until recently (last month, this year to be specific), I thought it was just anxiety and depression that had come into my life, but that would turn out to be wrong. My OCD had been behind this mayhem all these years, this whole time. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, is a disorder where you experience a sudden urge to do an odd task in order to gain a satisfaction and a sense of security out of it. Examples of this would include: tapping your fingers incessantly on the table for certain amount of times until you feel a tingle of satisfaction in your bones, doing things in a specific order, or doing something in a certain amount of time before an event happens. All three of these examples are what I experience on the daily bases, and if you fail to execute these actions, or protest against that desire, you will begin to feel anxious. You’d begin to think about worse-case scenarios that might happen if the outcome doesn't meet your standards, and you begin to panic. Then, when you do execute those actions, you are either met with glee if all things go well, or sadness/anger if the outcome failed to be met. That is the curse I have been dealing with for six years now.

But all was not this bad, things used to go fine in my life, and I would constantly ask this exact question every single day... Where did it all go wrong? What did I do to deserve this? Let's find out. I'll dive into my childhood and discuss why my forum was exactly made.

First, a little background of myself, so you can use this as reference. It was one rainy night, on October 31st, 1999. A star had been born, and that star was Roger Hill. As I came into the world, I would have become unaware of the hell that I would have to endure for the next 20 years of my fucking life. Not much is known about my childhood back then, as they’re little snippets of memories that are here and there, not being important to the story at all. Since most of them are fuzzy memories, I’ll start at the earliest age of my life, where I still remember the events that had taken place there, as it’s really important for me to disclose this, as it will help you get a better understanding of what happened in my life, why it happened, and what took place. It serves an importance to the story.

I'll start when I was 7 years old since it's the meat of this story. I had a history with flash games. I used to play these games on my free time as my parents restricted internet access, primarily YouTube and sometimes even Google via parental controls. YouTube was the site I would always try to get to and bypass internet restrictions since there were so much entertaining content on there, but since that wasn't an option, flash games was the only option I had, and I would play them often to either pass the time or to have fun, mostly the latter. Speaking of time, on top of that, my parents also time-restricted my account as well, meaning I had to spend my time on the account conservatively. This would mean that I had 2-3 hours to spend on the account and if I was in good behavior, then my parents would extend the time limit by one hour and sometimes even two, depending on how good I did. However, this did not stop me from finding ways around this restriction. I would often spend hours at a time, trying to hack into the administrator account. Succession was rare, but when that time came, I would either give my restricted account more time limits (preferably 24 hours), create another account with administrator rights (though, it becomes obvious when seen in the login screen), or stay logged into the administrator account while having my restricted account with more time limits as a backup.

This would eventually backfire as my parents found out later on, and put two and two together and said, "Yeah, you definitely added more time limits and edited website permissions". Sometimes however, Windows would glitch and I would do my usual thing, waiting for the seconds to tick down to the time limit for the account, only to find out it wouldn't log me out and it would surpass the supposed time limit. The only way to correct this issue is to log out or turn off the computer, but as a kid, that logic is thrown out the window, you already know what this deprived kid was going to do. I used to literally play dumb and read a book or something during the whole day and wait until my parents are asleep, just so I can get on the computer and fuck around all night after knowing that I've extended the time limit.

It was until 2010, summer to be exact, on the weekends, with so much free time on my hands, I was doing the usual. Playing flash games, watching YouTube (because I unblocked the site), and downloading "fangames". Notice how I put that word in quotation marks, as this would be important later. I was playing around, watching videos alike and I had an urge to play SNES games. At the time, I was really big into Super Mario, and even though I had my Nintendo DS at the time, I would eventually be aware that there was a difference between flash games and real games. I discovered Super Mario Bros for the NES and I always wanted to play it. I used to see screenshots of the game, and I never knew how to play it because at the time I thought it was a flash game. I would later discover that it was an actual game for the NES, and the reason why it wasn't available to play online is because it was specifically made for that system, and doing so otherwise would be piracy. This is where the now defunct, Nintendo8.com came into the picture. This was the very first site I knew about at the time, and it had games for the NES and I used to play the shit out of them. When I was not on my computer, other ways of gaining access to the internet was through my parent's laptop, mostly my dad's. I used to sneak onto his laptop and play NES games on that site. All it asked for on the site was Adobe Flash or Java and you're good to go.

However, I thought to myself after awhile, that all of that is great and all, but where's the SNES games. Come to find out, there was Super Mario World listed in one of the games and after playing flash games like Super Mario World Monolith or all these other flash games that used SMW Sprites, I wanted to play the real game, however for some reason nothing would come up. Now I don't know if it's my computer, or I didn't update Java/Flash, or I just didn't know about cookies and caches at the time, but for the life of me I could not get that game to run on Nintendo8's site. So, I said fuck it.

During this time however, I was also a very early aspiring game developer and I always wanted to make my own video game. Mostly because I was heavily inspired by Mario at the time, and playing New Super Mario Bros. on the DS really got me into making games myself. At one point, I literally used to think video games were magical, and I thought that it was magic inside the device that managed to make the characters move on the screen. This "magic" was called programming, and I was very new to it at the time. This is how I discovered this software called Game Maker. Granted the software looks different now, but back then, it was very, very, different. The version that I had was Game Maker 8/8.1, and you can still download it today. Looking at tutorials on how to make games and the concept of programming was very hard to me, and literally everything was Greek to me back then. I could not comprehend a single tutorial and just went along with what the tutor was doing on screen instead of actually applying what I learned from the videos. This is 2010, and I was 10 years old at the time, so tutorials were very few back then and most of them were not narrated, just them typing on a notepad with the unregistered hypercam watermark on the top left corner. Bonus points if they used "Dreamscape - 009 SoundSystem" as the background music.

I eventually got worn out by trying to learn how to make an actual game and decided to play other people's games on their website, Yoyogames.com. Just like the software, the website is a totally different breed now, but back then in 2010, users had the option to put their games that they’ve made, out on the website and it would be available for download. The games on the site ranged from original ideas to fangames. And obviously at that point, I started looking for the latter. At this time, I was into Mario games, and since I couldn’t find a way to play Super Mario World on my PC, what better way to play the game then to find a good fangame that comes closely to it, and that is what I did. One of the fangames I remember on that site was a parody Mario game. I forgot the name, but it’s a normal Super Mario Bros game, NES and all, and after you run around, as soon as you hit a block, it takes you into this acid trip like world and you begin to shoot at heads, Shigeru Miyamoto being Goombas, etc.

One of the other games I remembered seeing was Mario Builder. Now, around this time, as I mentioned before, not only did I wanted to play Super Mario World, but also SNES games in general. I played most of the NES games on Nintendo8’s website, but that wasn’t enough, when I saw the SNES games, I wanted to fucking play them so badly, but one of them that always caught my eye was Super Mario All Stars. At the time, I didn’t know that game was for the SNES, instead I just like the style sprite of Mario at the time. It’s the SMB3 look from SMAS, and I always wanted to play that version of the game. However, like I said before, as I didn’t have access to those games at the time, I either opted for either remakes of the game, or fangames. And this is where Mario Builder came into the picture. It was an SMB3 level editor and you could make levels in this game. I was fucking shocked and blown away when I saw the opportunity to play this game.

I was then disappointed when I found out that it lagged the fuck out of my PC, to the point where I had to restart my Windows Vista (THAT IS, if I didn’t have time limits), or just pray that the program will eventually close and I don’t have to resort to that option. So sadly, I had to delete it and move on.

However, one day I was browsing on YouTube and was looking up Mario fangames on that site. I was scrolling down on the site, but as usual, games like Mario Forever and Super Mario Bros. Flash popped up. I played Mario Forever, and it was okay, but I didn’t like it because of the SMB1 gameplay mechanic, where you can’t backtrack in the level, and the, “if you game over once, you start all over” mechanic, however I liked the aesthetics, but at the time I didn’t know that those aesthetics were from SMAS. Then there is Super Mario Bros. Flash, and yeah… It’s shit. Just shit.

But then I kept scrolling down... Two to three pages in on the search results, I saw the thumbnail of a game that looks to be a mix of SMB3 and SMW. I was like,

“What is this? SMB3, and SMW combined?”.

At the moment, I thought it was just Super Mario Bros. Crossover, since I played that game and I kept dying as well at that game. It’s a fun game, don’t get me wrong, but I was very bad at the game. I clicked on the video, and come to find out, that game was the closest I’d ever gotten to playing that version of SMB3. The gameplay in that game perfectly mirrors the feel of an actual Nintendo game, and that game was called…

Super Mario Brothers X.

I had to play it.

Chapter 2: The SMBX Chronicles

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So, I went to google, and typed in the game, went on Softonic or Brothersoft, and downloaded the game on their site. To this day, I remembered the version of the game, it was version 1.2.2 and when I loaded it up, the launcher for the game popped up. I was given an option to either start the game or go to it’s level editor. At the moment, I started the game, but little did I know, the website it takes you to was supermariobrothers.org; The website I used to go to as a kid, and I played games like Infinite Mario on it. How did I not notice SMBX sooner on their website at the time is a mystery to me! So then after waiting for the spinning Mario coin to load (and let me tell you, loading this game on my Windows Vista back then took forever), I was then presented to the title screen of the game, with four Mario characters running across the screen with SMW cave tiles, a background sprite from presumably a sonic game, and Waluigi’s Pinball music playing in the background. In it also contained four options. 1 Player Game, 2 Player Game, Options, and Exit. You bet your ass I chose 1 Player Game, and in it was the episodes list. It came with the one episode for this game by default, The Invasion 2. When I started it up, oh boy, I loved this game already.

Now, I forgot to mention but at the time I didn’t have a Nintendo Wii, and I always wanted to play New Super Mario Bros Wii, so when I found out you can spin-jump, ride Yoshi’s, and throw pow blocks, this was immediately the best Mario fangame that I’ve always ever wanted. You can even ride rainbow shells in this game, and position where you want the fire flower-fireballs to land with the arrow keys. Another thing I liked about this game is how the Koopa shells uses some kind of physics engine, and it flies and lands depending on how steep or shallow a slope is which can result in some fun experimentation.

But putting that all aside, what about the game itself? Invasion 2 has the best level design I’ve ever seen in a Mario game, let alone a Mario fangame. At the moment, I thought it was the closest thing to New Super Mario Bros Wii, and it has that SMAS-SMB3 look, which is what I want. However, the difficulty is fairly easy. Throughout the game, as I progressed, when I first started, it got harder and harder, to the point where I had to look up gameplay online to find out how to beat either the levels or the hard bosses. One of them was the dungeon level in world 2 called, “Dungeon of Agony”, where you had to fight Wart. At the time, I never completed SMB2, so I didn’t know who the fuck this boss was, but come to find out you have to throw vegetables at it and you had to have the right timing to defeat this boss. The other level that I really had trouble with was a level called “The Invasion”, the first of the invasion levels. It was so fucking hard, and it was because of one problem… The chasing Koopas. The chasing Koopas are the worst fucking things in this game. It’s like they play with your mind, and try to throw you off with their confusing movements, only to somehow still land in a hit. If you attempt to lounge forward, they will fly backwards and maneuver around you, finding other ways to sneak in a hit, and their fucking friction is off the charts! Like one single direction towards the player sends them flying across the screen, as if they were on the most slippery ice rink in the fucking world!

So, I looked up a YouTube video and one video that caught my eye was a let’s play series at the time, and it was by a user named, as303298, also known as Wraith Adamknight. I don’t know why, but something about his voice was very intriguing to me, and it had me hooked onto his let’s plays for a while. He did a let’s play of SMBX’s The Invasion 2 and one of the videos at that time was the recently uploaded part of that game covering the Invasion level as well. Come to find out, you just gotta know how to dodge the Koopas. So, I did, and in succession, I managed to beat the first invasion levels.

There were other hard levels as well like Hard Mode Tanks in the final world, which is the eighth world in the game, where it has fucking tanks spamming, you guessed it, flying fucking Koopas. The level gives you a Billy Gun, and in case you don’t know what a Billy Gun is to those who never played it, it’s a misc. item made by the game developer, who I later found out is named Redegit (I’ll talk about him later); who randomly came up with the misc item. There are several other misc. items like this, but I won’t cover them all here, but in case you’re wondering, the Billy Gun is a stray, flashing, carriable bullet bill cannon that the player can carry, and it spams bullet bills every half/second, wiping out any enemy on sight. Essentially the bullet bills are on your side, wiping out enemies it comes in contact with on screen.

So now that you know about this item, imagine this… You’re in a fucking level, armed with a Billy Gun, and you have to go through an endurance round, surviving and dodging pipes on tanks, shooting fucking chasing Koopas every second as well, and then when you’re at the end of that section, in the next section, you are greeted with three fucking green Birdo’s that shoot fire. Even though if you have a Billy Gun and it may sound easy to you on paper, in actuality, the concept of being greeted with such an unexpected force is... Unexpected… And that’s this level. Fuck Hard Mode Tanks.

But even then, this level isn’t that bad until you fight the final boss. After this level, you unlock the final level, which is Bowser’s castle. In it, the castle is a homage to the SMB3 final castle, except with some new key elements to the level, such as falling donut blocks, and fetching keys to unlock doors. Basically, my advice for this level, bring some top tier power ups and try not to get hit (a Yoshi is also recommended in case you get hit) on your way to the final boss. When you do fight the final boss, it’s basically your standard SMB3 Bowser fight. Trick him into jumping on top of you, to break the blocks below. Rinse and repeat until it’s done, right?

Nope, there’s a twist, below that, is a row of easily collapsing donut blocks, and you have to get lucky, collapsing as many blocks as you can, and luring him to jump into the pit you just created, which is easier said than done. Doing this back then, was fucking near-impossible for me, and of course you guessed it… I went back to as303298 (I’m just going to keep referring him as that, because I’m not used to his new name, Wraith AdamKnight) and see how he did it. It was also at that point, when I kept hearing him typing something in the background as he’s playing. I kept wondering what he was doing, until I realized that the words he was typing was actually cheat codes for the game and I was fucking shocked. When I looked up cheat codes for the game, and then typed it in the game myself, I was fucking blown away. You’re able to clone yourself and control multiple players on screen (DON’T DO THIS IF YOU HAVE A SHITTY PC LIKE I DID), rapid firing projectiles, etc. So I typed in the cheat code, “flamethrower” which basically makes it where if you have a fire flower, ice flower, or hammer suit, it fucking rapid fires/spams the shit out of the projectiles it spawns, essentially making it a curb stomping cheat code.

So, I used this on Bowser, and that was it. The game was over, and the “Princess is Saved” cue is played, and then it cuts to credits. The credits roll and the Super Mario Galaxy Title Screen music plays in the background, showcasing all the names of the individuals who I assumed either helped or worked on the game. I wasn’t so sure if the level designers used Redegit’s source code and made the levels that way or used the already available Level Editor. Bottom line though, the game was pretty easy and at the end of the day it was fun, and that’s why I loved this game so fucking much. This game technically means so much to me to the point where I still prefer this game over any other game, even official games by big companies, because it goes to show that fans are willing to put in the extra effort to make a game good. It’s almost like a fan’s love letter to itself in some cases.

The credits are then finished rolling and we get a Bible verse from the first chapter of Colossians, 13th verse which states,

Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son.

-Colossians 1:13

Even though I’m a skeptical believer in God, I found this message heartwarming, because it shows that fans at times, can put more soul and heart into a project like this, and this is why I love this fangame so much. And that’s that… The game is over and there was nothing else I could do at the time... And that’s where YouTube comes into the picture.

Remember as303298? Yeah, he’s going to be very important to this story, because he basically played a huge role into my life. After beating SMBX, I got bored and then I suddenly remembered this YouTuber and decided to see what other videos he had to offer. Even though most of his videos were low-tier and forgettable (remember, this is late 2000s, very early 2010s YouTube here), mostly being recorded on hypercam3, which had low framerate at the time; and Bandicam which is like the faster alternative to this recorder; on that Windows XP of his; his content was still entertaining, mostly due to one thing… His voice. His voice was so intriguing as fuck. I’m serious, I used to stay up all night, listening to this guy talk, even if some of his videos were low production standards at best, his voice kept my ten-year old ass at the edge of my seat. Mind you, me and him are at a seven-year age difference, meaning he was around 17 at the time I watched this dude.

I remember commenting on his video with my dad’s account which I hijacked at the time, saying how great the video was, and he responded with a very nice reply, thanking me for the compliment. This “account” that I wrote the comment on was named, “נεsυs77755”, and from that moment on, it would spawn a 10 year legacy of my life, a uphill and downhill battle for years to come…

Over time, I would binge watch more of his videos, eating my Baskin Robin’s Cookies and Cream (which was delicious) at my computer desk. One video after the other, I was addicted! I used to watch all of his let’s play videos of, not only the Invasion 2, but also other… games? That’s right, come to find out, there were other games for SMBX, one of them being, “The Great Castle Adventure”. I watched his let’s play on that game at the time, and I kept hearing him referring to those games as “episodes”. So, I looked up some SMBX episodes on google and little did I know, the first result was “supermariobrothers.org” and it had other episodes that you can play at the time. The other two being, of course, “The Great Castle Adventure”, and the “Princess Cliché”. There was a third one listed on the site, but it was a GFX Pack, which I will get into later.

I did not know how to install episodes at the time, nor learn how to find them. I watched as303298’s videos, and it’s like he was able to find all these obscure episodes with ease and I always wondered how he had access to them. Oh well, 10 year old me was happy with The Great Castle Adventure at the time, and I learned how to install them. You had to extract the episode’s file, and go to the game’s files, under the “worlds” folder and drag the folder containing the episode’s contents into the worlds folder. After that, I was able to play The Great Castle Adventure.

As I was watching as303298’s videos, I heard the usual typing of the keys, cheat codes and the like until I kept hearing this “particular” sound now and then. It had that certain “cry”. It was the Mother Brain’s death sound from Super Metroid for the SNES, and I kept hearing it over and over again and I kept wondering what it was. I later found out that it was a secret cheat code and little did I know, typing in the regular cheat codes prevented you from saving your game, and this particular cheat code was considered a beta testing cheat code. I’m not going to tell you the cheat code, since everyone probably knows it by now, however, there were talks of another secret cheat code that I did not know of. I don’t remember what it did, but on one of the forums, they mentioned that it was as secret as this code that I just told you about, but instead, I vaguely remembered that it would’ve unlocked all levels, all stars, and automatically give your file 100%. Whether this is true or not is way beyond my knowledge.

So back to The Great Castle Adventure, I actually had fun, since I got bored playing the same levels over and over again in the Invasion 2, and I wanted to play more episodes. However, in the meantime, I wondered what the level editor was about, and after beating the Invasion 2, I opened up SMBX. The start up launcher popped up as usual, however this time I clicked on the Level Editor button and instead of a new window opening, a splash screen popped up instead. After waiting for it to load, I was then presented to the level editor. Not much was known at the time, just a black window with some option menus at the top. Then I took a brief glance at the bottom of the program and noticed names of all the classic Mario games, such as Super Mario Bros., Super Mario Bros. 2, Super Mario Bros. 3, Super Mario World, etc. I was like, “holy shit”, it was a wet-dream, come true! Come to find out, it was a palette of sprites from those games, and me being the ten-year old kid that I was, I was fucking excited. It was at that moment in time, I have found the holy grail, I always wanted to create my own Mario levels and I did it every fucking day.

I remember being up all night (extended time limits remember), and just creating levels at my will. On top of that, it used SMAS style sprites! Just what I always wanted! I was able to make my own SMB3 stages, including SMB2, SMB1, etc. I remember my very first level that I created and surprisingly it was pretty good! It was just a vanilla SMB3 level. As I vaguely remembered, it started you off with a set of three question blocks, and in them were a mushroom, some coins, and a Yoshi. I wanted to make the levels reminiscent of NSMBWii, and so I did. It also had some water sections, Cheep-Cheeps, and then the level ended with the traditional SMB3 slot-machine-like end goal, with Mario walking off the screen. After creating this level, I’d began to make more!

The second level was a sky world level and I don’t remember much about this level, but all that’s known about this level was a bunch of noteblocks, cloud tiles with smiley faces on them, and a bunch of coins and that’s it. The background was the SMB3 blue-sky, cloud background, and the background music was the SMB3 Athletic theme. That’s all I know about this level. Other levels however, I forgot, as my Windows Vista died and I lost all my first levels. There were like 11 or 12 of them I think and that’s about it. I did remember making one level that was inspired by that one Invasion 2 level, but I forgot the name, but basically it was the one where the toads were falling in line to get inside Waluigi’s play house, only to find out it’s a trap and the rest of the level was a vertical maze, and you had to beat the level by bouncing on springboards, taking out Monty Moles, Rexes, Koopas, etc. with your trusty Billy Gun. Basically, one of the levels I made was like that, but instead with SMB2 aesthetics.

As I’d began to make more levels, I’d began to notice something that I never knew how to do before… Layers and Events. If you’re wondering what a layer and event is, it was basically a tool that’s used to make specific blocks or NPC's, that you have placed in your level move, disappear, reappear, make a certain object disappear when you kill a boss, make backgrounds change, add custom music after setting off a specific event, etc. Usually, layers are just names for the blocks you would like the events to take effect of, however, Events is just the main meat of this whole concept. Events are what I just described to you in the previous two sentences, and if you’re really advanced into events, you can make really cool things with it! It really at times, can also teach you the concepts of programming as well, and can really be helpful for those who want to get into programming, helping you learn the concepts of X/Y coordinates on the screen and moving them to a specific point.

However, when I first started learning about layers, just like Game Maker, it was extremely hard for me. I did not know a damn thing about making layers and events when I first started out, I didn’t even know what the fuck layers, or events did, so instead, I binge watched tutorials and just copied, word-for-word what they did in the video and then apply it to my own levels. Doing this, however, was not impressive and didn’t look as appealing as the nice events done in the Invasion 2. So, after a while, I just stopped (for now) and just did not know how all of this convoluted stuff worked.

Going back to as303298’s videos, I’d began to watch more of his videos as usual, and one day I’d began to hunt down the same episodes that he was playing, most of them being unsuccessful, but god dammit at least I tried. One of the episodes that he played was The Great Empire 2, which was an episode by the infamous Knuckles96, who had a forum filled with toxic users, but I’ll get more into that later. Admittedly though, the episode was pretty fun, hard at times, but very fun! I remember some of the levels such as that one Paper Mario boss which I forgot the name of, but basically it was a custom boss that replaced Wart. And yes, you’re going to see this a lot in SMBX episodes, in which it has custom tile sets, and GFX replacing enemies/bosses, etc.

Other episodes were games like Super Mario Galaxy X, which looked very fucking fun, but I never could find the download link for that game. The episode is what it says on the tin, a Super Mario Galaxy themed SMBX Episode. It replaced your standard SMB3 coins with customized sprite versions of star bits, though to be honest the levels in that game looked very hard, but at the same time very fun. Another episode that caught my eye, but I did manage to snatch a download for it this time was an unknown Castlevania themed episode, which is also what it says on the tin. You’re set to stop Dracula by beating the appropriately hard levels in this episode, and when I say, “hard”, I mean really fucking hard. There is no room for screw ups, this game requires lots of attention to avoiding projectiles, enemy AI, etc. And by hard, I mean, lots of custom enemies replacing unpredictable enemies like Hammer Bros., Lakitus, FUCKING CHASING KOOPAS, etc.

However, one episode that did catch my eye even more was Quill’s episode called, “The Apocalypse of Foroze”. This episode was fucking beautiful and was one of the more serious episodes, with its darker tone, and an actual storyline this time, not the cliché, “got to save the princess” bullshit, this episode was actually original for once. If you are familiar with SMW rom hacks (which I will also get into later), this episode is like the “Call of Cthulhu” of SMBX Episodes, with its intriguing story, but also one thing that really blew me the fuck away…

The opening.

The fucking intro man. The fucking intro blew me away. The amount of events that must’ve been used for this is unfathomable, it must’ve taken Quill so much time to come up with a unique concept that was never seen before in the SMBX community, and eventually, more serious episodes like this one will eventually adapt this same concept for their episodes.

However, finding the download link for this episode was so fucking hard. So hard in fact that I it took me 7-8 pages on google to find an actual link to the episode. I remember watching as303298’s let’s play of the game, and he said that he wasn’t giving out the download link for this episode as it was still in development, and knowing that as303298 and Quill were in good terms with each other, as303298 was just the beta tester for the episode, pointing out flaws and the like. This message went over my ten-year old head of mine and I persisted anyways. I looked up on google, and after an hour of research for the, I guess you can say, “build” of the game, I manage to find a 4shared link I think, to the TAOF (The Apocalypse of Foroze) episode. It was under version 3.0.2 or something like that and I downloaded it right away. At first I thought it was a virus, but I eventually found out it was the ACTUAL FUCKING GAME. I was blown away once again, able to access the beautiful intro myself on my own computer screen and playing the game for once.

I basically didn’t tell him this and just played along with the future let’s play videos he would upload to his channel. One of the levels I remembered however was the Norfair level. Admittingly, I never played Super Metroid at the time, nor was I a fan, however the level was such eye candy, it was something I never seen before. The growing light reflections of the blocks, matching the tone of the background, it has a very warm, lava like level, and it kept me at the edge of my seat. Another level that stood out to me was this sky level, set during nighttime. The level had this canyon like tile set, with shy guys underground pushing this “wheel of pain” like mechanism, making the player believe that it’s causing the ground to move up and down, which was a nice attention to detail for the level. The background music was Battlerock Galaxy, which gave this serious vibe about the level, giving the player a sense that the game is about to get harder, which is also another plus in my book.

Other levels that caught my eye was this darkness level, where all the blocks have this burn effect on them, making the room look very dark, essentially it was a water tower like level, and it was filled with boos. Another one was this Super Mario Land 2 themed level, with something that I never thought of... Falling Leaves! The level uses SMW background trees, and in them, spawns SMB3 leaves, which are friendly, giving the illusion that they’re falling, this really blew my mind, because even with the limitations of SMBX, it goes to show that it can still be a tool for creativity. Another level is this Yoshi’s Island themed level, which is also nice too!

Chapter 3: Rivalry

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While I was on YouTube, I got bored of SMBX now and then and began to watch YouTube poops. This was during the time when you had Hotel Mario memes, YTPMV’s, and other classic memes, and to be honest, the 2000s had a lot of great original memes, such as the Liek Spin, All Your Base Are Belong To Us, Keyboard Cat, Chuck Testa, etc. and during this time I would also read comments on those videos as well. YouTube used to have great comments back then, they weren’t the fucking flame war type comments that you have today, which mostly pokes at religion, race bait, etc. No, comments were actually entertaining back then. Getting a like on your comment was a rarity, and if you were in the top comments, you were like a fucking king. There were two top comments back then, and both of them usually were comments that most people with either agree or laugh with, making them really entertaining to read.

However, just like any site, there were fads as well. Back then, the comment section had reoccurring comments which were like running jokes on the site, such as

“Hi, this is bob, please like this comment to help him take over the internet”,

“IF YOU’RE READING THIS, YOU ARE HAUNTED, YOU MUST PAST THIS COMMENT TO FIVE OTHER PEOPLE WITHIN THE NEXT THREE DAYS, IF YOU DON’T, YOU WILL DIE!”,

“ONE M00:0RE TIME”,

“THIS VIDEO CONTAINS” (mostly on the Kirby Gourmet Race theme)

These comments were a gem, and just like any dumb kid back then on the internet, I followed the trend, and started writing the same comments just like everyone else did. So, whenever I saw the, “If you are reading this”, comment, I would paste it on either the same video I read the comment on or paste it on other videos. However, pasting this comment on as303298’s video was a different story and it didn’t end well…

Adam (I’m just going to call him Adam because I’m tired of typing as303298) was pissed. He responded in a very hostile manner telling me to,

“Fuck off with that bullshit”

Reading this in that context didn’t go well with my ten-year old brain either. This is the same guy that responded nicely, thanking me for my comments. This is the same guy who I showed him how to change characters on the world map screen, by pausing the game and pressing left or right to change characters, and him responding, thanking me as usual. Reading this reply however was very dissonant to the me and was very out of character. My ten-year old self wasn’t having that shit. So, do you know how I responded (god this is so fucking embarrassing…)?

I responded like a keyboard warrior. You know, your typical, 11 year old, keyboard warrior, Call of Duty playing types, yeah one of those people... And it just got worse over time. I kept insulting him, calling him a piece of shit, and... You already know the rest. It however got to the point where he was threatening to block me if I didn’t stop, so I thought of a clever tactic to combat this. I never thought it would come to a point where I finally decide to let it all out, but, secrets, can’t be secrets forever…

I pretended to be my dad and asked him why he is insulting his son. Fortunately, he took the bait, most likely because my ten-year old ass tried to use the best grammar to my knowledge and make my writing style look more professional and different. He responded saying something about how you should keep your son under control, and others responded (most likely his viewers) to the comment saying that he should be disciplined. I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut about this incident and never brought this up ever again. Admittingly, as much as I fucking hate internet trolls with a passion and I would never be caught dead trolling someone, as I know it’s morally wrong to do so, I never realized this until now that this is the very first time I actually trolled someone. Whether this is a good or a bad thing is for you to decide.

As time passed however, I began to slowly regain trust from Adam, and it all went back to normal again. I watched his videos and at the same time I made my usual SMBX levels, and playing other people’s episodes. It was at that point where I began to find out that you can download people’s episodes from the forums, mostly in the Projects section, which are usually filled with complete or incomplete episodes. I was a dumbass for not knowing this was such the case. As I began to play more episodes, and being jealous that other people are more knowledgeable about layers and events than me, I politely asked Adam if he could make a video tutorial covering the basics of layers and events (an outlandish question I know), and surprisingly he (supposedly) agreed. He responded to my comment, and said that he’ll make a tutorial on how to do layers and events, based on the sole question that I had just made. I was filled with shock and glee. For the first time, I had got to experience what recognition is for the first time. However, the following week had passed, I haven’t seen an upload from him since, so I went back to the video I had commented on, asking him if he had got around to uploading the tutorial video. He literally responded to me saying,

“I never agreed to such a thing”

Reading this, I was shocked and I tried so desperately to find the video after he wrote that comment, just so I could prove him wrong and eventually I did, but I didn’t say anything though. I found the supposed tutorial video of him literally following my request that I had gave him the previous week. Seeing that video and watching it, I felt a sense of betrayal. Like, I couldn’t even focus onto what he was saying in the video, thinking to myself the whole entire time that he tried to hide this from me. From that day forth, this sparked a rivalry between me and as303298 as each year, I tried to outdo him, getting better equipment and uploading the best quality videos. I even tried to make my PC faster, just so I can get back at him. I eventually started to upload my own YouTube videos, uploading let’s plays and the like, however with no commentary because I didn’t have the nerve to record myself while playing, so it was just gameplay videos with no commentary. Sadly however, I couldn’t record SMBX, because if you didn’t know, SMBX was so fucking slow on my computer and I couldn’t get the game to record properly, which made me envy Adam even more, so instead it was just me doing gameplay videos of SNES and DS Games, but I am getting ahead of myself!

After a few months of this incident, Adam uploads a “questionnaire” video, in which I’m guessing are Q&A videos that he does to interact with his fans. He uploads these videos like once a week I think. The layout is just a poor hypercam3 recording of a PowerPoint presentation of which I’m assuming are the questions asked by his viewers on the screen, and he answers them. One of his questionnaire videos was the announcement of his forum. Yes, he had a forum at one point, and I actually joined it, despite my beef with him at the time just to see what it was all about. I thought this would be a gateway to submit projects on the forum so it’ll give him ideas on what next episode he should play.

I joined the forum, introduced myself as usual and posted my project, “Mario’s Epic Days” on the forum. Of course, he responded and said that I should provide screenshots and locked the thread. At the time, I didn’t know that WAS apart of the rules and took this as an insult. Being my tired self as usual, I got fed up with being the member, playing by the rules, and I for once, wanted out of this and wanted to be the boss instead; and so, things are about to change.

Shortly after, being apart of a couple SMBX Message Boards, and getting tired of being told what to do, I decided to take the matter into my own hands. From that day forth, I decided to start my own forum to rival as303298’s forum, and this day will mark the ten years of my rise and fall.

It was winter of 2010, a random Wednesday in the month of November, three hours after leaving school, I went to my room and had the sudden idea to start a forum. It just came to me, and then I started looking up on Google, some good hosting sites to start a forum with. Now, if you don’t know, I had a website in the past, it was a stupid idea if I would’ve told you, but basically I envisioned it to be a real life “ACME” corporation, where I was going to sell everything, but knowing that there’s Amazon and Newegg, and the fact that all my classmates didn’t even BOTHER to join, I shut it down just six months later. Well anyways, starting my forum wasn’t new to me, since my original website had a forum, and because this is a stand-alone, dedicated message board, the hosting site that I found to start my SMBX forum was Lefora.com.

It was called YoshiFan89’s forum and oh boy, it’s going to be a long ride. I remember going through the registration page, setting up the title, messing around with the design, and creating the forum categories that would be something you would see on an SMBX board. At the time, I was really proud of what I created, even though the forum had a vanilla look to it and no customization whatsoever, it didn’t matter though, I was at least happy that I was, FOR ONCE, in control. I was the administrator, not a moderator, or a side-moderator... No, an actual administrator! I for once, actually felt like a God.

Three days after my forum’s creation, I got a new member on my forum, and that person made his first post. It read,

“Have you read the smiling hill farm?”

Coincidentally, that was the book that I was asked to write a book report about in the elementary! I was like, how the hell did he know that? Anyways, seeing that first post on my forum, just short of three days after creation, I was shocked to all hell. I thought that my old website didn’t get any members and I had to shut it down, but seeing a new member joining my forum just THREE days after creation? At that moment, I began to have faith...

Chapter 4: More Than Just Rivals

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After a while, as my rivalry with Adam began to grow, I’d began to slowly lose interest with SMBX, mostly due to the fact that I was (I don’t know if I should use the word “boycott”, but let’s go with that) boycotting his videos after that outrageous discovery that he was hiding that video from me and lying to me about it. My interest in SMBX started to fade away due to the fact that he was legitimately the only SMBX YouTuber I actually watched! I am not kidding, no other let’s player did a let’s play of this game, Adam was the only one at the time, so if I couldn’t get along with him, then why enjoy SMBX at this point? So instead, I got interested in playing Super Nintendo games.

Do you remember very early into this post, where I stated that I always wanted to play SNES games? Well, eventually I caved in and I decided to go on a full on hunt for finding ways to play SNES games. Nintendo8 wasn’t cutting it and SMBX just left a very similar taste in my mouth to the real thing, but at the moment, I wanted to play the real fucking thing. I began to stay up until 1 in the morning, watching videos on how to play SNES games on my computer. I then came across one video showing you how to play SNES games on the computer. This was late 2010, so not many tutorials were available at the time. Nowadays, you can look up a tutorial on YouTube, and literally you’ll most likely get what you’re looking for, but back then however, you had to search high and low until you find that one tutorial that suits your needs.

So anyways, the video showed you how to install SNES games on your computer. The guy kept referring the games that he installed as, “ROMs”. That wasn’t until shortly after, I discovered my first emulator and the concept of emulators! Finding this out was better than SMBX to me, because I always loved SNES games and always wanted to play them but never got the chance to. I went from playing crappy flash games that hardly resembled the actual game, to a fangame that closely resembled what I wanted to play, to actually playing the fucking game! ZSNES was the name of the emulator that emulated, you guessed it, SNES games, and I couldn’t be anymore happier. I remember the exact time I installed the thing too, it was around mid-December of 2010 (fuck, ten years ago feels just like yesterday). I remember, the first game I installed for the emulator was (of course), Super Mario World and then shortly afterward I installed Super Mario All-Stars.

I remember the guy in the video saying to drag the “src.” file over the ZSNES shortcut on the desktop and it should work. When I dragged it over the shortcut, and saw the actual title screen play on screen, I wanted to fucking scream. I did it, I finally did it, I got Super Mario World to work on my computer. It was a dream come true, and then I had a sudden realization... I then realized that I could download other SNES games, and could play them to my heart’s content! This was then, not a dream come true, but heaven itself!

I was up all night playing the game (don’t worry, this was during the weekend) until like five in the morning, I was at Vanilla Dome, and then the rest was history. At the same time, I wanted to play SMAS, the game with the most beautiful visuals I’ve ever seen for a remake at the time. I got to play SMB3, that type of game I’ve been wanting to play for eons. Also, I tried SMB2, SMB1, and most interestingly, Super Mario Bros Lost Levels as well. I always wondered what that game was all about and come to find out, it was a game released exclusively in Japan, but never got released in the states because Nintendo at the time thought that the game was too hard for American players, so instead they opted for a repackaged Doki Doki Panic, which became Super Mario Bros. 2. I don’t know if the shy guy’s are canon still, because it’s from another game that has nothing to do with Mario.

I don’t remember anymore incidents that occurred after 2010. I do briefly remember in very early of 2011, Adam uploaded a video on his currently at the time, running let’s play of Super Mario World. It was around the end of the video, and he got around to the part in the Special World; the forest level with bullet bills, chargin’ chucks, wigglers, bob-ombs, and fire-snakes. Other than that, everything else is vague... However, rewinding back around mid-2010, something important happened yet again and it was once again a life changing experience.

So if you remembered the part where I mentioned that I uploaded let’s plays on my נεsυs77755 account, well not only did I upload let’s plays, but also videos promoting my websites as well. The first of this was the YoshiFan89 forum. Of course, the video didn’t get any views and it was sitting up there collecting dust so I just moved on, doing other things. I began watching other people’s let’s plays, one particular let’s player who was popular at the time named Cloud8745. I loved his videos back then and his out-of-nowhere humor also got a huge laugh out of me. Let me tell you, this guy in a way, inspired me to become a let’s player even more. I used to love watching his SMB1, SMB2, and SMB3 let’s plays as they were entertaining and fun to watch. The reason why I liked watching this guy is how chill his attitude is. He has this like chill, deep, badass voice, and when he over-reacts, it can be very funny and over-the-top; and I like his videos because of that.

The first Cloud video I stumbled upon while I was looking up walkthroughs of SMB2 on YouTube was a video called, “Super Mario Bros. 2 Boss’s”, by an account named Cloud87450. I actually talked with Cloud8745 later down the line at one point and he admits, “Cloud87450” is the fake account, and assumingly it’s just a random YouTuber who wanted to archive his videos. Anyways, back to the point, I loved this guy’s voice like I said, and not only did he do a boss video on SMB2, but he also did one on SMB1, SMB3, and SMW. The Super Mario World boss video is my favorite, because he often says that Princess Peach looks like Michael Meyers in that one.

There was even another account, supposedly also fake, named “vivalacloud8745”, which probably means, “Long Live Cloud8745”. Now at the time, I always wanted to watch more of this guy’s videos, but this guy was so hard to find, and it was a shame that he only uploaded around 20 videos on the fake account at the time. So when I found this account, and found out there’s more, I was hooked! He did a boss video on Super Metroid and I actually found it very entertaining to the point where it actually got me INTO Super Metroid! Yeah, if you didn’t know around 2011, I spent my entire summer break, playing ZSNES games, and Super Metroid was one of them! Of course, not knowing who else to trust, I invested most of my time on YouTube, watching Cloud, and also The Angry Video Game Nerd, and maybe along side other videos of early memes and YouTube poops.

Now, at first, I didn’t like the Angry Video Game Nerd because I wasn’t used to his swearing, and the reason why (you’ll find out it’s a stupid reason) I didn’t like AVGN was because I literally thought the whole time that AVGN was the same guy who made “Angry German Kid”, a viral YouTube video at the time. I didn’t like that video because it was too raunchy for my age and I wasn’t used to yelling and cursing. Now the first episode of AVGN that I watched was the Power Glove and of course, at my age it was too vulgar, but now that I was like ten-years old, going on eleven, I gave him another chance and holy shit! This guy was also entertaining! The first episode that got me into his series was the Zelda CDi series. Why? Because I was watching so many YouTube poops of Zelda CDi and Hotel Mario and I often wonder where those games came from? Well, I got my answer because AVGN did an episode on that, and I was hooked. Too bad his newer videos are not as good as his older ones.

Anyways, getting back on topic, you may be asking, what does this have to do with SMBX? Well, after summarizing my entire 2010 summer, I got a notification in my inbox, a comment on my Lefora video, saying that this user wants to join my forum, and he wants to discuss SMBX. When I got this information, I was like, HOLY FUCK! I was so fucking happy and excited! After reading the comment he posted on the video, he signed up on the forum and introduced himself. His username was, Robert190302. He was the very first member who was loyal to me, and he actually gave a shit about the forum at hand. He was posting projects and custom GFX (which like I said, I’ll get into later) on the boards as I was just sitting back, reading them and having a small talk with him as I did admin things.

Now, even though he posted mostly Sonic material instead of Mario on my forum, it was still nice to see that someone actually joined my forum and actually posted on my forum. This was my first level of dominance and at that point, I actually felt a sense of succession for once in my life, and at the same time it’s also nostalgic reflecting back on that as well. The white aesthetics with the bright blue background, it gave me forum a peaceful renaissance era of my forum. Unfortunately now, yoshifan89 is dead, and my forum is nowhere to be found. I typed in the URL one day, and it just got taken off the database. However, that’s not the sad news here.

The even sadder news is that my friend, Robert190302 has informed me of an unfortunate fate… SMBX has been shut down by Nintendo. Hearing this, I almost died inside from what I just read. He shared a video with me, declaring that SMBX is dead, and that redegit got a phone call from them, asking that he shut down the fangame. When I heard this news for the first time, it gave me a sense that Nintendo is not so innocent when it comes to things like this and they can be very defensive over their IP’s. This isn’t the first time Nintendo has done something like this as they have a history of shutting down fangames because of that. Redegit would go on to make Terraria, a successful indie title that is essentially a 2D Minecraft, but more fun.

This was so bad that many people who were associated with SMBX, including as303298, were asked to remove their videos; this includes his let’s play of the old episodes I mentioned like Super Mario Galaxy X, the Castlevania Episode, etc.. Now, I wasn’t there when the incident happened, but assumingly, either the community or Nintendo themselves asked the let’s players to remove their videos for reasons unknown, assumedly due to fear of DMCA strikes or out of respect for Redegit’s removal. Either way, it was a very sad situation, however this would not last long, as a few months later, people were back to uploading SMBX content again. Was this a cover up? Who knows.

Robert gave me one more request, and he asked me to join Knuckles96 forum, and asked me to become his friend there, probably because my forum didn’t have the friend feature. Oh and I forgot to tell you this, Lefora is not as advanced as the other forums. You want to know why? Because all the other forums run on PhpBB, an engine that creates forums, and Lefora is it’s own engine, so many of the features on Lefora is very limiting compared to PhpBB.

So I joined Knux (the nickname for the admin who runs the site) and become friends with Robert on there as he accepted my request, and because of that, Robert190302 had introduced me to another forum that I started posting on and as I legitimately thought it was a friendly community. Robert brought me down this rabbit hole that I couldn’t escape and and with it came consequences as well. After a while, I began to like Knux, posting on there often.

Back and forth, I would post on my forum and also on Knux. Throughout the rest of the year, I spent most of my time talking with Robert, he had seemed to stray away from talking about SMBX and started talking mostly about Sonic Adventures DX, which coincidentally, was a game I used to play at a friend’s house. He started becoming more demandingabout it too, like asking me to find the name of a track from a sonic game or finding download links for ROMs. I didn’t mind it at the time, and was just blinded by the fact that I had some company on my forum, so I just played along.

After a while, I wanted my website to expand, and for a short time, I created a website. I felt like the features in Lefora were lackluster and I needed something more advanced to manage the site. That’s when Webs came into play. If you don’t know what webs is, it’s basically a web hosting site, where you create Websites using templates and even your own domains. It’s actually the same engine I used to create my first website (you know, that first website I talked about, where nobody signed up and I had to shut it down?), but also, not only could I create a website with this thing, but you also even have the option to create a forum with it as well. So basically, a website where you can write blogs, have an online shop, and at the same token, have a forum! And of course, just like webs, hardly anybody joined the thing.

Come to find out this whole time, Robert had a hard time joining the forum and claimed that he never got an email. Great… So one of those websites where you sign up and you never get a confirmation email. Let me get sidetracked for a second and go on a rant about this shit for a second.

I fucking hate it, when you join a website, and you never get an email back from them. I remember signing up for newgrounds (yeah, I’m that old) and I literally had to wait A FUCKING YEAR for them to get back to me. They literally said, “Hey, welcome to the site” and here I’m like, “Where the fuck did these people come from”. I fucking hate that shit, and come to find out, it’s most likely marked as spam, which is funny because when I check the spam folder, it’s never there, so I don’t know what the fuck is going on. So, I as the administrator, have to manually activate the account in order for the user to get in. Thank god it’s not an active forum, or else the user would be lost in a sea of new users flooding the data base.

So anyways, getting back to the subject, the forum didn’t do too good. Posts were shorter this time, and Robert wasn’t posting as much as he used to, basically I was on the website all day waiting for new posts, only for them to rarely come. So basically, the move to Webs.com was a failure. Back to the drawing board once again…

However, Robert190302 made a foreshadowing post, saying that he’s done with SMBX. He said in the post for some reason not to look for him, don’t ask him to come back, and he said that he just lost interest in SMBX all together. However, at that moment, that still wasn’t the case as soon you’ll see why that is.

Chapter 5: The Knux Experience and the Growth of My Forum

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Going back to Knux, what I’m going to discuss here will be controversial. Despite the site saying that you had to be 13 years or above to join, I obviously lied, since I was 11 years old at the time. I don’t remember much about the forum or what I posted but as I got older, I realized that I joined one of the more infamous SMBX forums. It was so bad, now that I realized, it was like 4chan levels of bad. The forum’s nature is more like something you would read on the Something Awful forums, and since I was so young at the time and I was used to posting on more friendly forums at the time, the sarcastic, memey replies were unexpected.

I would post little about SMBX and more off topic threads more than anything, and I’ll admit... It was fucking cringeworthy..... Like really cringe... I remember posting mostly topics, asking people what’s their favorite color, what’s their favorite video game boss,what's the size of your dick, what's your favorite football team, etc. Admittingly though, the video game boss thread got the most responses. That isn’t to say that my posts weren’t totally despised at the time, in fact, when I was first starting, people seemed to be kinda cool with me. The only two threads I can recount on the top of my head that were popular was the video game boss thread, and the “What was your first reaction when you discovered SMBX?”, thread. That thread had lots of replies, all saying that they were just as shocked as when I first discovered it.

After navigating this (what I thought to be) wonderful forum, I began asking myself? Why the fuck have I not created a new forum myself? Admins and Mods have the ability to move topics, merge them, put them in trash bins, why doesn’t Lefora have that feature!? And so I did, on May 11th, 2011, SMBX נεsυs77755 was born. Yes, that’s right, the forum you are reading this post on was created because I wanted to have the option to have more advanced features, and so, the forum hosting site, Forumotion showed up in my crosshairs.

I signed up and registered the name for the forum and so, this forum was made. When I first created the forum, there was actually no categories (obviously), but instead a category that read, “Your First Forum”, which is basically an introduction to how things work. Eventually I created my first category and that was called the, “Rules and Regulations” section, which is obviously the rules for the site. Of course, the rules weren’t as big and complex as the rules now for this forum, it only contained eight simple sentences of what and what not to do on this site. After that, I began adding other categories, mostly mirroring the other SMBX forums that I’ve been to, like Projects, General Discussion, Off Topic Discussion, etc. However, what really made me happy was the fact that this forum hosting site based their services on PhpBB, which is something I always wanted to have access to and I did. The forum that you are reading this on is based on PhpBB3, there are other versions like PhpBB, PhpBB2, but this is the version that this site runs on, and of course it has the ability to do all the advanced things like all the other forums I have been apart of. I could lock threads (of course), move them, recycle bin and merge them, etc.

After the forum has been created, little did I know that this site will have it’s ups and downs, and of course a more threatening tyrant will soon emerge on this forum that I will not mention for now but it is coming up in a later chapter, but it would come to past that it would drag me further into this rabbit hole of madness and insanity... However in the meantime of course, I informed Robert about this forum and he joined, thankfully. Of course, his username here is Robert190302 as usual, and went along his normal routine of making posts on the forum. After the fact that I had finally gotten my old buddy to join the newly created forum, I felt like this forum that I have opened is more advanced, and more massive than ever before! In fact this forum is so huge, it almost feels like I have the whole world in the palms of my hand. The amount of features that comes packed with this hosting site, made me feel like a God. I had the power to do literally anything.

He posted the usual stuff as expected, and of course, no SMBX related content were made, as instead he went on to post mostly Sonic related stuff on my forum. One of the threads that he made was one about Sonic Adventure DX again, and over time the forum started to get more replies. All of a sudden all these members started to show up on my forum. 𝕓𝕠𝕨𝕤𝕖𝕣𝕗𝕒𝕟𝟠𝟟, 𝑮𝒂𝒅𝒈𝒆𝒕, 𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕫𝟚𝟘𝕛𝕒𝕣; all of them started posting more often. The first user to join on my forum was 𝕪𝕠𝕤𝕙𝕚𝟙𝟚𝟛, as he introduced himself. By the end of the month of creation, I had like 20 users who had joined out of nowhere, and I don’t know where they all came from, but I accepted it! At that point, I had even more faith in my forum.

Sadly, Robert’s last thread was made on May 30th, 2011, and it was a thread called, “Sonic Generations has been cancelled for the Wii”. Ever since then, he hasn’t made anymore posts on the forum, as he had completely vanished and never returned ever again. I sincerely hope he is doing alright out there, since life can be tough, and knowing that he’s from the Central Americas, there’s no knowing what might have happened to him over there.

Over time, the success of this forum was so overwhelming, I stopped managing the Lefora forum. It was until I checked the Lefora forum three months later and found a new user named, “aubreighsabota”. At first, I called the user out for using profanity (yes, my first forum was politically correct, go figure) and I kept a close eye on the user. After a while, I began to like him, and he was a very nice person. He would post on almost every topic, with the most down to Earth discussions and I would reply to them. In a way, he was like a Robert 2.0, as in, he posts literally on every thread and I really had fun talking to him. However, I could not get him to join my new forum and still insisted on staying on my old forum, which, I don’t have anything against that. Eventually, our conversations became less and less, until I forgot about him and as usual, went back to managing my new forum.

I woke up one morning in the month of June, you know to check on everything, seeing if my forum was up to date and then suddenly my Windows Vista wouldn’t turn on. I tried the usual, check the components inside the computer, seeing if everything was working okay, but nothing. I tried everything I can think of, but the damn thing wouldn’t turn on, one of the components must’ve just died, leaving the computer unusable. All my old, classic first levels that I had created in that computer were all gone, the only remnants to ever be gotten from that computer was my submission of Mario’s Epic Days and a few levels I had created on my own, all uploaded to Mediafire. Other than that, everything else was completely lost, the only remnants of those files are now a memory…

This would be one of the dark periods in my life, because my Windows Vista was dead and I had nothing else to use. It was just me and my Nintendo DSi at the time and I used to play with it religiously, as I had nothing else to do. I would hop onto my dad’s laptop every now and then, but other than that, there was nothing I can do. During this time, it was finals and I was studying very hard for that moment to come. And by hard, I mean really hard, I couldn’t afford to fuck up and luckily I passed the finals.

One month had passed (August to be exact) and I was in my room playing with my Nintendo DSi as usual, until my dad knocked on my door. I got out of my bed in exhaustion and boredom as I slumped towards the door and my dad had a huge surprise for me. He talked to me, saying how he felt about the loss about my Windows Vista, and then suddenly, he stepped aside and there it was… A box that said, COMPAQ on it. I was so fucking surprised, I jumped out in glee and hugged my dad, thanking him for going the extra mile to getting me a new computer to replace my old one! The new PC that I got was a COMPAQ Presario and it ran Windows 7 on it. I gladly set it up, remembering how eager I was setting the computer up myself and then I got to the login screen.

For once, my parents didn’t interfere with this PC, giving me full Administrative rights over the computer and I was able to create my own account, doing whatever I want with it. I went back on my forum shortly after, and found out there were huge amounts of activity on the forum.

One day, in the projects section of my forum, I got a new post from a new member at the time, named, “terrariaburak”. He posted his project, “SMB in SMBX”. Basically the story, according to him is that you have to get revenge on Larry Koopa for killing Princess Peach, that’s the entire synopsis in a nutshell. Even though the plot is so simple, this was one of the first projects to be submitted onto my forum, and I felt grateful for that, my forum was truly building traction after that! Even though the replies to that thread was dickish to say the least, it was still nice to have a member posting his thread.

It all came to a point where even members from Knux’s forums were joining my forum, one of the users who signed up for my forum was literally Knuckles96 himself! The other user who joined this site was CloneMega, however he posted very little, which is understandable you know, you’re not used to posting on a forum that was growing at the time, compared to the titan message board, Knux. However, there was one member who really helped me out for so many years, and I really can’t thank him enough, I wish I could go back in time and thank him for everything that he’s ever done for this forum! His name was Romvags, also known as now, ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝.

If you’re wondering the backstory of how we met, ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 and I go waaaay back. All the way back to when this forum was first made. One day, I was browsing my YouTube, watching more videos as usual and then I got a new comment on my video. It was from Romvags, he said that he wanted to join my forum and he introduced himself. He was a very nice and humble person, often quiet at times. He posted projects on my forum and I have the say, the levels were very well made, they were so good, I took tips from him and in a way, it helped improved my level designs on the forum. He even helped make the navigation icons for this forum and make custom GFX for my projects! Even enough for it to warrant him admin status. I’m serious, if there’s anything I can do to pay this guy back, I would give my entire life for it!

During the time of the sparkful success that had been ignited, I began navigating back and forth on the two primary forums I traversed often, Knux and my forum. I used to make posts all day, either responding to threads, posting fan art of made up memes (even though they weren’t well received), or making more, “what’s your favorite” threads. You see a pattern here?

The thread about video game bosses was so popular that I actually bumped shoulders with a guy named Andrew123 on that site. He shared the same interests for the bosses that I like (I forgot which one, probably Marx for Kirby Super Star) and we had a short conversation about it on the thread. Eventually we started private messaging each other, talking about life and such. I was then stupid enough to give this guy the link to my forum. Even though the other members from Knux joined, of course, Andrew agreed and joined my forum. This would turn out to be a mistake and later he would start flamewars up the fucking ass. He started off as a nice person making normal posts, you know, contributive things to the forums overall, but over time he started to become an asshole, mistreating the other members and even making fun of the situation that ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 was in. If you didn’t know, there was a thread that ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 posted that he was in the CDO, Philippines and there was a massive flood there. My heart goes out to all the lives that have been lost in that flood, but of course, Andrew responded distastefully, and made fun of the situation, saying that he lived in Zelda CDi.

Now I know, I was a memey guy myself back then, but there is a fucking time and place for jokes, and this wasn’t the fucking time. This was a flood where many people have lost their lives and this is the fucking response that you make? Granted, we were 11 years old at the time, but come the fuck on, I was the same age and I even know better when and when not to make jokes about that shit. So he threw a fucking hissy fit because I called him out on it. WHAT!? BECAUSE IT WAS A FUCKING EMERGENCY, A FUCKING SERIOUS SITUATION!? So I banned him for a week. Of course, my naïve self didn’t know any better, we had to go through three altercations with each other, and threatening me multiple times that he was going to leave the forum over being rightfully called out for an uncalled-for comment.

Oh, but this wasn’t the only time he did this, no… He fucking went on other threads and started a flame-war over a fucking GFX pack, a fucking GFX PACK! Here I am sitting back, wondering what the fuck is going on, while you have two users fighting over a fucking GFX Pack! And of course, Andrew started the fight, fighting with the other person who was minding his own business, and of course, he was in the wrong! I don’t remember the events that transpired other than the fact that two guys on my site were just shooting the shit. So eventually I stepped in and had to calm them down because knowingly, if I would've taken sides with the person that got picked on, I would've had to go through another altercation with him...

Eventually he asked me to talk to him via IRC Chat. If you don’t know what IRC Chat is, it’s a chatroom that users can create for private interaction, and you have to I believe enter a password or some sort of code for both users to join and converse with one another. We chatted with one another, talking about our usual likes and interests, video games and etc. until eventually he began to discuss his sexuality. Now, let me get this straight, I’m not a homophobe, in fact, one of my closest friends is gay, let’s get that out the way, but when you start fucking becoming obsessed with me, fantasizing about an 11 year old kid, that’s when things get creepy, and that’s what he did. He admitted that he was Bisexual, and he LITERALLY POSTED HIS FUCKING ADDRESS AND SENT PICS OF HIMSELF!!! This of course, got my parents involved and they messaged him not to contact me again, and forcing me to ban him all together. I never seen that guy since, and sometimes I think that’s for the better.

I began to go back to my usual routine again after that incident, and I started posting on Knux again. I was having fun again, going on threads and even downloading new projects from different people and trying them out, until there came a day when I finally decided as well to submit my first project onto the forum. Remember earlier in this post when I said that I posted my project on as303298’s forum? Mario’s Epic Days? Well I figured out how to post screenshots for the game and found out in a post that you can press F11 or F12 to take pictures of your episode and it’ll save them to your screenshots folder. I can’t believe I was that dumb that it took me so long to figure out such a concept. So I took screenshots of Mario’s Epic Days, and and posted the most uninteresting pictures for the game imaginable. I have had it set up in my mind that I wanted the project to rival as303298’s Secret of the Dry Guys!

Yes that's right, as303298 had his own episode and he announced it, called Secret of the Dry Guys. Seeing that my own rival had made his own project, I wanted to do the same and try to top his as well to compete with that episode. Unfortunately the project was a failure and never got to see any success and realized later that it was just a bland, generic Mario story about him saving the princess. I posted screenshots to the projects forum and announced a demo for the game that was available for download. It was nothing special, just poorly done events and no custom GFX, and all together it was just a failure. The levels were forgettable, very short, very easy, and the world map looked like it was done in five minutes. Granted I was currently learning how to create world maps and episodes, so I might give myself a pass on that one.

Chapter 6: The SMW Hack Variety Hour

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I’m going to take a little detour to this story for a second and talk more about my experience with the ZSNES emulator, more specifically, SMW Rom hacks. You see, during this time while I was trying to grow my forum and was competing with my then-so rivals back then, I was no stranger to leisure time. You probably remember a few chapters back where I mentioned my shocking discovery of the SNES emulator, the ZSNES, right? Well, after a while I began to discover something that suddenly caught my noggin. Hacks.

That’s right. I suddenly had a flashback while exploring all the SNES games that I always wanted to play such as Kirby Super Star, Super Metroid, Castlevania: Dracula X, etc. Well I had the idea in my head and shortly flashbacked to the times that I saw supposed ROM Hacks of SNES games, primarily Super Mario World hacks. The first hack I heard of (before learning about emulators that is) was called VIP.

If you don’t know what VIP means… I don’t know either, besides, what the fuck does VIP even stand for? I know VIP is a term used for a special group of people that are randomly chosen by a corporation, etc. But what’s the context here? Who knows. Well anyways, VIP was a series of rom hacks that had many sequels to its name. There was VIP 2, VIP 3, VIP 4, VIP 50, VIP 400, THERE WAS SO FUCKING MANY OF THESE THINGS, IT’S HARD TO KEEP TRACK! The best way to describe the ROM Hack is just take the regular SMW Mario sprite and replace it with a cat, and bam, that’s it. There’s nothing to it, however, I do have to say, the sprites in this game are pretty cute.

However, if you want to know the actual first ROM Hack I installed, it was called, Brutal Mario. I remember awhile back, browsing on my internet, watching YouTube videos as usual and enjoying myself until I went back to the homepage and saw a new set of videos uploaded by as303298. It was a series called, Brutal Mario. I opened one of the videos uploaded to his channel and seeing it for the first time, I thought nothing of it, as SMW hacks were not my cup of tea, however looking at that now, that translated to my lack of knowledge of installing SMW Hacks at the time, so I just moved on as usual.

A few months later, I was watching Cloud8745’s archived videos on the channel, vivalacloud8745, as I rewatched his boss videos of Super Metroid, and others until I stumbled upon a series that I was familiar with in the past. What was that video? That’s right! It was Brutal Mario! This had me thinking, and I started to realize the popularity of SMW Hacks, so I decided to look up tutorials on how to install them. However, now I forgot to install them as I haven’t touched the ZSNES emulator in a long time, but back then, when I did finally learn how to install these things, I was so fucking happy and my continuation of playing these hacks continued for a while.

Of course, I installed Brutal Mario and I pretty much had fun overall, but another thing that made me have even more fun was the fact that I didn’t have to worry about framerate issues unlike the SMBX episodes, meaning that playing through these hacks were a breeze, I would sit at my computer for hours, playing the time away to rom hacks such as Brutal Mario, the aforementioned hack, VIP, and of course, the infamous ROM hack, Kaizo Mario.

In case you’ve been living in a nuclear bunker for the past couple of decades, Kaizo Mario was an infamous SMW hack known for it’s insane difficulty. It’s difficulty rivals the likes of IWBTG (I Wanna Be The Guy), and Cat Mario. It’s hard to describe the gameplay here, but basically pretend that if John Wick was a gamer and he played this game, every single jump has to be precise, every single move that you make has to be accurate, you have to keep moving through the level and there’s little room for fuckups, everything is usually calculated and choreographed. If you’ve seen the ridiculously hard levels in Super Mario Maker, you’ll know what I mean.

I installed the hack of course, and lo and behold, I couldn’t get past the first fucking stage. From what I remember, even the intro level where the game tells you that Princess Peach has been kidnapped, starts out with a ruthlessly placed thwomp that you have to evade in order to proceed to the world map. One of the levels that I remember mostly is that one level that starts out with five Bullet Bill cannons stacked on top of one another and you have to jump at the right moment and then you would have to bounce off five bullet bills in order to progress the beginning of the level. This is just scratching the fucking surface, because afterwards, you have Chargin’ Chucks, Clappers, Amazing Flyin’ Hammer Bros., etc. This fucking game is ruthless. Prepare to use save states, because you’re going to use that feature a lot in this game.

After a while, I later discovered a message board called, Super Mario World Central or just SMW Central. It is literally the SMW Hack counterpart to the SMBX Community. I heard about this site through a username I would rarely watch, but was mostly given a shoutout by as303298 himself, called, Raocow. Raocow was a famous YouTuber at the time who used to get a lot of views at the time. This was during the time when YouTube was still young and big let’s players at the time were Chuggaconroy, ProtonJon, etc. I would seldomly watch his videos, however if it was a project that caught my eye, I would watch the video for a bit, seeing the gameplay and if all looks interesting, I would go to his description and download the link listed below. It linked me to the aforementioned site, SMW Central, and yeah. That’s how I learned about it.

I used to go on that site and download everything I needed. Every ROM Hack that you possibly want is right there at your fingertips. There was a page which listed all the ROM Hacks available to download and all you had to do was I believe, download a software called LunarMagic and using it to extract the “.src” file, so you can play the hack. The first hack I downloaded from the site was called, “Panic in the Mushroom Kingdom”, and oh my God… I cannot recommend this enough, go and play this ROM Hack. To my 11 year old self at the time, this ROM Hack was so much fun that I had never been addicted to a game in my life.

Level after level, I would spend many minutes on the game, completing levels and beating bosses. Granted looking back at the game, the levels doesn't impress me as much now, but holy shit, back then this game was so much fun. However, I do have to warn you though about this hack, as this game has one dirty secret up its sleeves… This game has a level that would go down in infamy, a level that would change things forever… Not really. The level was called…

Palace of Hentai

Now holy shit, okay, so if you don’t know, I was no stranger to porn as during that time, I had been watching it since I was nine years old, on my Nintendo DSi to be specific, so seeing this level was no surprise. However, when I first saw this level, I was like, WHAT THE FUCK. I had many people online warn me about this infamous level and many YouTubers of course during that time, didn’t cover that level as it would of course, *COUGH COUGH* Community Guidelines *COUGH COUGH*. Playing through this level however was the most meta thing I have ever witnessed in my fucking life. It doesn’t know what it wants to be. It almost wants to be a shitpost, but it knows that it’s too meta for that, so it kind of wants to lean more towards the edgelord type.

If you want to know what this infamous level was about. Well, it’s simple. It’s just a long castle corridor with stone pillars in the background; with picture frames of Hentai characters in sexual positions. That’s it, nothing special. I forgot what the rest of the level was, but all I know is that at the end of that first section was a door that takes you to another room and that’s as far as my brain can go.

But let me tell you though, this level was one wild ride…

Anyways, moving on. There was a sequel to the Panic in the Mushroom Kingdom as well. Yeah, I was fucking shocked and I downloaded that ROM hack as well. The game however, was surprisingly better and more fun than the first game! I forgot what the game was about but all I remember was that the aesthetics were more bright and detailed this time and there were new powerups I think. The first game if I can recall, were mostly SMB3 based, as most of the bosses in that game were Boom Booms, as you traversed from world to world. However, in this game you fight the Koopa Kids and the game mechanics are changed up a bit as well. I even remembered that they put in the Hammer Suit in this game, which if you don’t know, the Hammer Suit is my favorite powerup, especially in SMBX as it was really sought after and can be very helpful in eliminating and obliterating NPC’s that you wouldn’t be able to with other powerups.

Like I said though, I don’t remember that much about the game as I haven’t played the game in 9 years, however, if I were to recommend what SMW Hack to play, I would recommend Panic in the Mushroom Kingdom, especially its sequel. However, sadly though… The sequel doesn’t have Palace of Hentai…

Moving on.

My memory goes so far with this particular incident, as I don’t remember the other ROM hacks that I downloaded. I can visualize some of the ones that I played, but I don’t remember the names, but if you want to download any SMW ROM Hack in general, well SMW Central got you covered. Other than that, it was a short time in my life where I actually had fun. After a while though, I just lost interest in SMW Hacks all together and began to get back into SMBX, working on my project as usual and eventually returning to Knux, making all the annoying posts to come…

Chapter 7: Making Enemies

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All was going well with my journey into the Knux rabbit-hole, that is however until I met this one user that I fucking despised. Now I know, I know, hear me out. Every group, no matter where you go to, will always have that one asshole, it’s just the way the world works, however that isn’t enough of an excuse for me not to say that this guy was a fucking asshole. His name was DarkMatt (I feel like I want to throw up after typing that) and I have to say, he is the most disgusting person I’ve ever met. Yeah, more disgusting than Logan Paul. He had this like shitty crayon drawing of a red-eyed anime girl in his profile picture, go figure…

This guy was the fucking guy you go to if you want to have your dreams torn to shreds and he pulls no punches, he will fucking insult you, nitpick, and basically just be an asshole all together. I’m even at the point where I even want to feel sorry for this guy, but this guy is like on Hitler levels of bad, I don’t even want my pity to touch this piece of fecal fucking filth.

So you may ask, what did he do? Well, remember the user, terrariaburak? Well he posted the same project that was posted on my forum, and it was also posted on Knux’s forum as well, and then DarkMatt responded to the thread... He tore this guy a new asshole. Reading that response to one of the members that I liked on my forum, I didn’t take it too well and I literally called him out on it, telling him that what he said was disgraceful and that he should be ashamed for saying such words. Of course, Knux members weren’t too happy with that, because they’re too busy being dicks, saying that it was, “Constructive Criticism”.

No motherfucker. Constructive Criticism is giving criticism in a nice way, what DarkMatt did was harsh, really fucking harsh and he needed to be called out on it. After that debacle, I was really pissed at that moment and I wanted to just chill in the chatroom. For some reason though, DarkMatt must’ve read my mind, because occasionally I would hang out on the IRC chats that was hosted by Knux at the time, and he literally was on there as well. I had my pissing contest with him as he attempted to shame and call me out for my actions in the chat, basically having a pissing contest, and there was talks of wisdom tree and that’s all I remember.

This guy was so horrendous, that he sent me a private message saying mean things to me and said that he added me to his “enemies” list. Whatever that is… So basically a loser got mad, because he got called out on the spot in front of his fuckbuddies, that’s great… Also, for some reason, this guy changed his name to Sausage, assuming that he doesn’t want to be associated with his older name after I called him out on it, further showing that he is a fucking pussy. Other things that he’s done posting on other people’s threads were, belittling them, discouraging them and calling them names. He posted on my fanart that I submitted there and pointing out a very fucking minor mistake that the average person wouldn’t even notice, and saying, “Nice craftmanship, chump…”. Other times he would tell me in other threads to get out of town.

Fuck this asshole! I don’t know what this guy is up to now, but last time I checked I remember going onto his YouTube page (yeah, this fucker has a YouTube page) and this guy has a fucking circlejerk going on in his channel. I’m not fucking kidding, I went on his channel, and the fucking people who are talking to this dude who are followers of this guy, are the most fucking cucked motherfuckers I’ve ever seen in my life. Like straight up cucked cult followers of this guy. I pity this guy, and I pity whatever God had to go through, to create this abomination of a human fucking being. The fucking responses that this guy replies with are the most cynical, most bitter things I’ve ever read in my entire life. Did someone piss in this guy’s cereal or something? At the end of the day, this guy has to be the most miserable person I’ve ever met in my entire life, and I thought I was fucking miserable, this guy takes the fucking cake.

Even though I’m okay with Adam now, Wraith Adamknight even said himself that he doesn’t even like DarkMatt, and Wraith often gets called the DSPGaming of SMBX let’s players. Anytime, fucking Wraith Adamknight himself doesn’t like DarkMatt, you know it’s bad, and I fucking applauded Wraith for saying that. What’s ironic is that DarkMatt, the same guy who called out terrariaburak for making shitty level designs, can’t make a fucking level to save his fucking limpdick life. I’m serious, his levels are the fucking shittiest things I’ve ever seen in my entire fucking life. In fact, fucking terrariaburak’s levels look better than this sorry ass guy. This guy couldn’t have the strength to lift his limpdick to piss into the toilet to save his life, let alone make good level design.

Anyways, DarkMatt, if you’re reading this? I sincerely hope, from the bottom of my rotten, black, moldy, putrid heart, from the mountains of the horizons, to the oceanic waves within that you go kindly in that bathroom of yours, take your pants off, sit your naked ass on the toilet seat, think about your sad pathetic life in five seconds, and go FUCK YOURSELF.

So now that I got that out the way, the mods on this forum are not any better either. They are your standard abusive mods that you see on every forum, locking threads and the like, though to be honest, they’re not as bad as the mods on other forums, but they can be a problem sometimes.

I remember replying to a thread on the video games section (a place I would often post there) and they were discussing the new Nintendo console that was coming out at the time called the Nintendo Wii U. It got mixed receptions at the time, people thinking it was an add-on to the Wii U, and mostly people in the thread didn’t like the idea of it that much. Me on the other hand, really liked the idea after seeing the reveal in the Nintendo Direct and how you can interact with the games that you’re playing with, on your own TV screen, on the Wii U Tablet. Also the concept of playing a game on the go anywhere you want was enticing, this excitement is however dropped when I found out you can’t play the game no more than 30 feet. Nice.

Well anyways, I responded to the thread with a simple excited reply,

“OMG, THE WII U!? I’M SO EXCITED”

Of course, because this is Knuckles96, and it's a place where people hate fun, the mods sent me a private message saying that I have violated the rules and that they issued me my first warning on the message board. Now, I have never been banned on message boards before, and don’t want to either, but you’re telling me that this is how I’m going to be banned? Over a fucking form of expression that I was hyped for the Wii U? So I asked the moderator who issued me that warning, why he did it? He literally said, that the message that I wrote was considered spam. Sure. Whatever… Apparently I’m not allowed to have fun (which is going to be a reoccurring theme in this story, don’t worry) on this message board.

So that’s just one of the downfalls of נεsυs77755 on this unfortunate forum, and later on I would soon find out that this forum is not as innocent as I thought it was. Then came a user who I later met named, nientiendo13, who has a fucking shitty tails profile pic as his avatar and he was even worse than fucking DarkMatt, but atleast he wasn’t a passive aggressive cunt like DarkMatt was. No instead, this fucking guy was an actual aggressive cunt. This guy had a history of TARGETTING me on the fucking forum, of all people, calling me out, essentially back-seat moderating me, even though it's against the rules. And guess what this fucking guy did? He would call me out in threads that I would make, cursing me out because apparently I didn’t post a fucking YouTube video in the fucking video thread, even though it’s on the fucking off-topic discussion board, so why the fuck does it matter?

HE EVEN WENT ON MY FUCKING YOUTUBE CHANNEL, and fucking flagged two of my fucking videos for apparently trying to help those who are in fucking need of a copy of SMBX after Redegit took them down, and saying that what I was doing was illegal and I was an idiot for doing so, even though other fucking people thanked me for helping supply them with download links for SMBX. So what are you fucking saying, are you saying that we should be selfish pieces of fucking shit and not help them at all? What the fuck has this fucking world come too?

Then he went on my other videos and disliked them, which is fine, but was it really necessary to attack me even further on other videos that has nothing to do with the SMBX video that you just flagged? I get that you’re mad at me for breaking the law for the cuck that you really are, but taking your frustration on another video that has nothing to do with the situation at hand? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Shortly after, I was sent a private message by nientiendo13, saying that the Knux community are not my parents and that I was a disgusting piece of shit for not following the rules. As you can tell, this was beginning to become the downfall of נεsυs77755 on the message boards, and more and more people were beginning to hate me as time went on. People were antagonizing me on the forum, and were accusing me of making unnecessary threads, but you thought nientiendo13 was bad? No... There was another fucking user who harassed me on the fucking forum shortly after this one, who is far fucking worse than the previous cunt that was mentioned, and it just sadly dominoed from there...

Chapter 8: The Burning of Troy

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So you know, I made a lot of forum threads on the site, mostly, “what’s your favorite” threads, right? Well, I made one thread that set this fucking user off the fucking edge. His name was Negu. If you’re wondering what THIS guy did, this guy has a foul fucking mouth, literally saying the “F” word in every sentence, cursing me out every time he had something to say about me. If you want more evidence on this guy, go read the thread, “DO NOT JOIN THIS FORUM”, one of his posts are in the quote boxes. He posted on one of my threads, suggesting that I should get banned because I made too many threads and that he cries everytime he sees me making multiple threads on the forums.. So apparently, starting a discussion on the forum should get me banned? I thought this would be a welcoming community, full of people who shared the same interests, because you know, it’s called a fucking community for a reason, and a forum is a platform for that, but because I brought up a fucking discussion asking people’s opinions and the like, I get called out for it?

Eventually all of this culminated into a witch hunt, and they all wanted me booted off the message board. Everyone was making posts all over the board, responding to my posts, asking that I should leave and that they didn’t want me on the forum anymore, because apparently I was fucking annoying. I didn’t harass anyone, I didn’t troll anyone, I didn’t hack anyone, and people were losing their fucking shit, the entire community lost their fucking shit, over an innocuous kid asking “too many questions” on the forum. Shortly after or meanwhile, people were fucking flocking to my channel and I already know who’s behind this attack, that fucking cunt named nientiendo13. He (presumably) set up a party of members from Knuckles96 and raided my YouTube channel, נεsυs77755. Most of the Knux members commenting on my videos were calling me insults and the like, replying to all the comments that I made on mostly Kirby videos, calling me names.. One of the users even went as far as to make a “GoAnimate” video about me, where it was like this electoral campaign, and the person behind the podium was נεsυs77755, being portrayed as a whiny bitch, as the audience was calling me out. Who would’ve known, the members turned me into a minstrel show character.

All of this was too much for me and I couldn’t handle it. I was in tears and I fucking remember the exact day that this happened. This was the day before SOPA. Yeah, you remember SOPA, right? I think the date was December 11th, 2011, and congress was going to pass the lethal bill, stripping all internet rights and throwing the concept of fair use out the window. Many people were outraged over this and it was a fascist move by the government. Literally 99% of the entire country voted against the proposal of the bill, the remaining few who supported it however, (and appropriately I might add), are the ones who created the bill.

The fact that this was the day before SOPA’s passing of the bill, and the fact that Knux members, the people who I actually fucking looked up to, were attacking me didn’t help either. I was laying in my bed on that night, in defeat. I felt all hope was lost and I shortly felt suicidal for a moment. Fortunately, though, the day that came to be the passing of the supposed bill was cancelled, and on January 20th, 2012, SOPA was no more. The internet won, and we won back our freedom, however I’m getting sidetracked. So how did I respond to the supposed defamatory video of my character?

I created another account called “superyoshibros99”. If you go to that channel now, it is mostly uploads of video game OST’s (Original Soundtrack) I happened to like at the time, but actually the first upload which has been far gone by now, was a video titled, “SMBX Sucks”. It was basically a video recorder, using Camstudio at the time, of me dragging the SMBX Desktop Icon into the trash bin, with the annotation (for those who are young reading this, annotations were pop up balloons that would give extra information over the YouTube video) that read, “Fuck SMBX”. This video was in response to all the hate that I was getting on the channel, and me being stupid back then, I thought no one would suspect that it was me and it was just some random hater, but of course, the Knux members caught on and commented on the video, all of them saying that it was נεsυs77755 under a different account. Of course, who would be fucking dumb enough to not think it was the same person? First of all, SMBX is just an obscure fangame, and very few people talked about it, let alone, the haters themselves. This game is so niche, I don’t even know if this game even has haters.

It got so much attention that EVEN QUILL HIMSELF COMMENTED ON THE VIDEO! Yes, you heard that right! The creator of the episode, Apocalypse of Foroze, commented on the video. If I can remember correctly, eleven members from the Knux community all commented on the video, one of them being CloneMega, the others being Negu, DarkBowser(random numbers), Knuckles96, and Nientiendo13 just to name a few. You want to know what’s even sadder? While I was getting all this hate from the SMBX community, Chad was the only one who defended my actions on the forum! Yes! A well known SMBX member actually had pity for me and asked the other members to stop harassing me. Of course they didn’t listen, but it was a nice addition to have someone, a veteran of the SMBX community at that, to aid me. I didn’t talk to him of course, I was of public scrutiny at that point, but if I could thank this guy enough, I would. Sadly all the other members didn’t see that, and continued being dicks to me until I just left the forum and never returned.

Meanwhile, the concept of a defamatory video about me was overwhelming, as I never had such a horrific thing happen to me before in my life, and I couldn’t take the pressure anymore. I went onto the Google Help Group, basically the support site for those who want to ask questions or need support from the members or Google staff members themselves. I posted a topic, I don’t remember exactly the name of said topic, but the thread title reads something like, “How do I find out the password of this account so I can remove this video?”. The response I got was actually helpful, despite the fact that the first part of the reply stated that, that would be considered “hacking” if I did that. Of course I was naïve at the time not knowing the concepts of hacking into an account, however they did look into it and fortunately, it WORKED!

One day, I tried to find the video that I tried to get rid of and lo and behold, it was gone! The video was taken down due to YouTube’s community guidelines and how it violated the rules of harassment. Seeing this was fucking justice, and I felt as if I had just won a court case. YouTube was on my side for once and actually dealt with the troll who made the video. I was so happy seeing this, realizing that justice had finally been served, further getting back at those pieces of shits who tried to harass and defame me for something that I never did. All was finally resolved, the rest was history, and I have never heard back from them ever since...

Chapter 9: The Passing of the Torch, Part 1: A Phone Rant

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2012 was the year that came to be, and the supposed year that the world was going to end, but also it would go on to be the year where this “tyrant” would rear it’s ugly head, dragging me down a rabbit-hole I did not want to go down in, nor be apart of. This, my friend, is where all of it started.

The year started out pretty great. I don’t remember much about 2012 to be honest, other than the fact that I mostly remember it for my yearning to watch Tobuscus’s TobyGames channel, which was really big at the time, specifically Minecraft, which I would bingewatch the shit out of by the way. This would also go on to be the year where I would FINALLY, get my first phone. I remember back then, I never had a cell phone, everybody around me had one and all my friends had one as well. I was so jealous that I never had a phone, feeling singled out at the time. Hearing about the fact that i'm finally getting my first cell phone and the fact that i'll be able to blend in with everyone else and finally having the same device that let's you watch YOUTUBE ON THE GO?! That was good news to me! Aaand let me tell you... Looking back at it now, the phone was a piece of shit, but I didn’t give a shit back then, I was happy about the fact that I finally get to have what all the other cool kids had in my school! I might get off discussion for a bit, but the phone that I had was called the Samsung Exhibit II, which would later change it’s name to Samsung Galaxy Exhibit II.

You know the phone was so bad, that it had to change it’s name to associate itself with a more popular brand line at the time, which was the ongoing Samsung Galaxy S series. The phone was a piece of shit and I am not lying, even though it came out in 2011, which was during the time smartphones were still in it’s early stages of development and the bezels were big as hell, that does not excuse the fact that this phone was a slow piece of shit while a FUCKING “HTC Sense” from 2008, a phone which my parents had, runs faster than this piece of shit! Even though this was a budget phone and the price being primarily $99, that’s also not an excuse either, there were better phones than this anal-garbage at the time, and at the same price and even cheaper.

The phone was known for being laggy as fuck, swiping the home screen with it’s unbearable, low framerate as the icons transition to the left or right. It takes about 10 to 12 seconds to fucking load an app, especially the fucking phone app or the text messenger app. The browser app was the slowest ever, don’t even use the fucking browser. The time it takes you to navigate the browser app is as much as it would take the fucking battleship, The Yamato to make a full U-Turn. The browser was so fucking bad, I had to look for alternatives, and of course, Google Chrome wasn’t compatible with this shitty phone, probably because this phone is so shitty, it doesn’t deserve a premium app like Chrome. Google themselves probably recognized that this phone is a piece of shit, so they didn’t even bother to make it compatible. I had to use the fucking Opera Mini app. No, not the Opera app, the Opera Mini! It was an alternative to Opera, which ironically, the Opera app was fucking slow as shit, but somehow the Opera Mini was somehow faster. At times, the app was still slow, but it was tolerable in terms of performance, other than that, this phone is a fucking joke.

The camera is also fucking ass as shit, it can’t take a good quality picture to save its life. The fucking camera quality looks like as if the phone took a normal photo but then somehow it felt nauseous and threw it back up, making it look JPEG as fuck, and that’s the camera for this fucking thing, but do you want to know what really baffles me and pisses me off about it even more? You want to know what other cameras have? What is that feature called, it’s used to make the picture bigger or smaller as you take a picture, um, what’s the word, I’m trying to figure it out, OH YEAH, THE FUCKING ZOOM-IN/ZOOM-OUT FUNCTION! This fucking phone doesn’t have that! It has none of that! This fucking camera doesn’t even have a fucking focus feature! I have a feeling the Samsung was just lazy and didn’t give a fuck about what product they were selling and just sold this abomination because they knew this phone was so shitty, they didn’t even bother improving it. This phone had so little updates, it’s insane. The only update like I said that was made for this pathetic excuse of a phone was that it changed it’s name and added “Galaxy” in the title.

Another thing that’s ass about this fucking phone is the YouTube app. Now, if you don’t know, the YouTube app was in its early stages of development and many of the features weren’t really there yet. Back then, the app was just a black theme where everything was dark, and YouTube was just simple. The video didn’t even give you the option to choose which quality the video should be, instead opting for an “HQ” button at the top right corner of the screen. If you uncheck it, assumedly, the video would be in 240p, and by default, the highest quality the video playback would be in was 480p. However, that wasn’t the issue here. The actual issue is the fucking bugs that this app had! Many times, and I counted it, if you watch more than 40 minutes, whether it be on a single video that’s more than an hour long, or if you watched two or more videos at a time, the video would begin to lag and stutter. When that happens, guess what? The fucking video goes back to the previous video, and no, the video doesn’t keep track of where you last left off, this isn’t modern YouTube remember? So, I would used to have to literally look at the timestamp as this is happening, and try to remember it so when it does go to the previous video, I have to go to my FUCKING HISTORY, and go to the latest video in that log, and go to the timestamp where it fucked up, just so I can resume the video. THAT IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!

Eventually, about a year later, YouTube came out with what we know as today as the standard YouTube app design. The white theme, with an updated user interface, not this poor, watered down, in-browser quality, YouTube video user interface type shit. It also allowed you to choose what resolution the video should be, which THANK GOD FOR ONCE! You can also have the ability to slide down videos to the bottom right corner to have it play in the background while you search for other videos which was a pretty neat addition to the update. However, this didn’t save the fact that this phone was a piece of fucking shit. This app, for some reason, made it lag even more while the old version didn’t, meaning that the fucking low framerates were off the charts. It was so bad that even interacting with the video and trying to get the timestamp to show up lagged as well! But what really killed it for me and I am not joking when I say this… If you watch a couple videos or a full length video in general, over time the video will begin to lag, so badly in fact that the phone begins to become unusable! What the fuck is this? So then I get the sudden idea that maybe if I kill the app in task manager and restart the app it’ll be fine, right? NO! The app all of a sudden will continue to what video was last playing, but this time, THE ENTIRE FUCKING SCREEN WILL BEGIN TO FLICKER BLUE AS THIS IS HAPPENING, ALL LAGGING AT THE SAME TIME! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?

I had to restart my fucking phone because of that, which was easier said than done I might add, and of course, I began to wonder if I was screwed, since I updated a default app (yes, YouTube was a default app that came with the phone) and I can’t revert back to the old version. THANKFULLY, uninstalling the app, counts as downgrading the app, and I was able to use the black theme app again. THANK. GOD!

However, booting up the phone in itself is a fucking nightmare too! When you boot up the phone, it has to go through this “media scan” bullshit, which basically takes fucking five minutes just to scan your fucking SD Card and internal storage, and even when the message says that it’s done scanning, IT’LL GO BACK AND SCAN TWO OR THREE MORE TIMES! WHAT THE FUCK!? Like, you already fully scanned the SD Card and everything, do you need to do it again!?

Bottomline, this phone was fecal fucking garbage! I don’t know what else to say about this shitty phone, other than it’s a fucking lobotomized, half chip-brained, dickhole shaped, dickhead piece of fucking fecal fucking anal shit. I would not wish this on my worst enemies, that’s how bad this phone essentially was, it was excruciatingly slow and it was a fucking piece of shit. Fun fact, I remember, my mom took me to the phone store and she asked me to pick my first phone. I was presented with two phones and I was asked to pick one. If I were to be asked what my biggest regret was in life? This would be it! I mean, the other phone that I had the option to pick wasn’t half bad! In fact it looked like it performed pretty well, and I wish I wasn’t a dumbass for picking this phone, but I guess when you never had a smartphone in your life, you don’t really give a shit at the moment, well guess what, now I give an actual shit.

This phone was so bad, I had to fucking turn in this fucking piece of shit in, THREE TIMES! That’s right! This phone died on me three fucking times and they had to fucking send me replacements around every eight months. One of it being that the phone suffered from a battery problem, and the other? The phone just died. Just died for no fucking reason.

Even though the phone is old as methuselah at this point, I would still recommend that you stay away from this phone, even the Samsung Galaxy S3 would be a better classic phone to have in your possession than this, fly by night, McDonalds-tier garbage. If you want a good phone, go for the obvious Iphone or the high-end flagship Samsung brands. Iphone just released the Iphone SE 2020 Edition, get that instead. It’s a great budget Iphone for newcomers and it’s faster, has a better camera, and basically better everything, if I’m being honest. Anyways, rant over.

Chapter 10: The Passing of the Torch, Part 2: New Discoveries

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Around the midst of 2012, I began to update my SMBX forum even more, and during that time, Romvags, who had later changed his name to ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝; was at his prime. He had began submitting his original projects to the forum, one of them being a boss endurance episode, which features SMB3 Koopaling bosses and I got to say, the level design was fucking beautiful. The assets that he used were so beautiful, ranging from the lowkey lighting in the tile-sets, to relaxing atmospheric backgrounds.

The project I think was called, “Mario and the Search for the Golden Mushrooms”, and even that title alone, it sounds like a promising game. Though it was in development at the time and I didn’t get around to playing it, I asked one question. One question that will forever shape the way I see SMBX and revolutionize the way I make levels. I asked ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝,

“How did you get the sprites to change without affecting the game files at all?”

Now remember when I said in the past that I was going to talk about this “subject” later? Yeah, that’s this subject? Now if you don’t know, the SMBX level editor comes with prepackaged sprites added in by the developer, usually I call them vanilla sprites because that’s what the editor comes with by default, some of them being placeholders. For example, the SMBX level editor has an SMB1 Hammer Bros., but no SMB3 variant, so what level makers did was replace that SMB1 Hammer Bros., with an SMB3 one instead, it still is essentially an SMB1 Hammer Bros., but with an SMB3 skin over it.

I say this because my stupid ass literally thought that you would have to replace the IN GAME files with the custom ones, hardcoding it into the game files, forcibly keeping the replaced sprite, never being able to keep the original sprite; meaning you would have to either undo the action by going in the recycle bin and recovering said file, or reinstalling the game. Well ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 answered my question and it was the answer I have been looking for the longest… You put them in individual folders…

Here’s what I mean. In any SMBX project that uses a custom GFX in the game, when you create and save a level in the level editor, it creates a “.lvl” file in world’s folder. How people in the community do this is that they create a folder, which is what I call an “Episode Folder”. It is essentially a folder that would, not only determine the name of your episode in the episode selection menu of SMBX, but also where they would store their levels, in other words, the levels are stored in the world’s folder by default; so the level makers opt for putting their levels in that episodes folder. Are you with me so far? Good because this is just the first step.

Within that episode folder which contains the “.lvl” files, you then create another folder and rename it to the EXACT SAME NAME AS THE “.lvl” file, excluding “.lvl” at the end of the name. So for example, you have a level named,

Grassland.lvl

Well, the folder pertaining to that said level name would be named identical to the “.lvl” file, meaning that the folder would be named,

Grassland

That’s where the custom GFX comes into play. So remember when I gave the example about the SMB1 Hammer Bros and how you want to use an SMB3 one instead, where here’s how it would’ve worked. Just simply get the custom sprite file of the SMB3 Hammer Bros and drag it into the folder and there you go, you have temporarily replaced the vanilla sprites with a custom one. However, if you have the editor still open while doing this step, it won’t show up and you would have to restart the SMBX level editor. Thankfully there is a way around this. Just go to the menu and save the level, then go to the level navigator and reselect the level you have just saved and the custom sprites should show up.

This would come to be a very common method among SMBX Level and Episode Designers, to the point where it’s almost crucial. You cannot download a single episode without the use of custom GFX, and it’s also a great practice because it teaches the designer how to work with limitation, as it challenges the mind to base your creativity off of that limitation, thus spawning pure art.

I couldn’t thank ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 enough for this help and I wish I could pay him back for everything that he’s done. He has contributed so much to not only my forum but also to my life, encouraging me to keep pushing forward, however that would later not be the case sadly.

Also along with finding out about adding custom GFX, I also learned how to apply custom music to my levels as well, which is also a similar process, but it’s not as easy as you think. You would think by dropping it in the level folder, it would work, right? Nope, the exact opposite, it goes in the main episode folder which contains your levels, and you have to drop it in there. SMBX accepts a couple of formats, but I don’t remember which formats are used, I think the newer versions uses “.WAV” and “.OGG” files, but for me I’ve always used “.MP3”.

Okay, but you may be asking how do you get the custom song to play in the level editor? Well, in one of the tabs at the bottom, containing NPC’s, Blocks, etc., there I think is a tab called “Options”, “Level Options”, or whatever it could be, I forgot the name at the moment. Basically, within that tab, gives you the ability to select what background the level should have, what level section you are on, and very importantly the background music. Up in the very top right corner of that window is the “Misc.” tab and this will gave you the option to add your custom song. Now, just like renaming the folder for GFX, you have to type in (or just copy and paste) the EXACT name of the song you would like to use, and this is important! You must type the name of said format at the end of the song, meaning you would have to type “.MP3” at the end of the song name. After doing that, click the custom button and the custom song should play.

However this is a hit or miss, because let me tell you, SMBX at times can have a mind of its own, meaning that the “.mp3” file will not work. I have tried retyping the song name, redownloading the song, or taking the song out of the folder and putting it back in, it would not work! The only method I have found to work for me so far was editing the song in Sony Vegas and rendering it as an MP3 file, and most of the time, it worked.

Learning these new fundamentals further heightened my motivation towards making levels. But not just levels, but also plans for new episodes. That is when I announced an episode which looking back at it, I honestly don’t know what the fuck I was thinking? The next project was called, “Mario’s Epic Days 2”. It was the sequel to the first Mario’s Epic Days project which (and yes, I posted it on my forum too) in return has never seen the day of completion, being stuck at the first world of the game. So if that’s the case, what makes you think the second game would be in development? And that’s where this game comes in, however looking back at the levels in the game, it was “okay” at best, all the other levels being forgettable, but the milestone for this particular project was me applying my knowledge of the aforementioned application of custom GFX’s and songs, so I took a shot with this one.

I posted the project and labelled it “BETA” which doesn’t make sense to me because I’m pretty sure beta applies to available applications for new testers to come in and test your game, but whatever. Also, of course, the game got little downloads, but the fact that I applied custom GFX’s and new songs in the games and my then limited knowledge of layers and events (trust me, it was getting better and better), the project was decent, and some of the levels were actuallly very fun!

Chapter 11: Birth of a Tyrant

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After knowing the fact that creating a pure PhpBB based forum has paid off, and seeing new members pop up left and right, especially with the faithful contribution by ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 himself, all was going very well for me and I was enjoying that short couple months of fame (and by fame, I mean getting atleast a couple new posts every few days on the forum). That is when a new user joined my forum shortly after, and this is that so-called tyrant I have been referring to in the previous segments of this entry. This is where the unwanted rabbit hole I have been sucked into, came into place… I forgot the day this user joined the forum, but for now let’s just call him, “ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ”.

ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ started out as a very, VERY, nice, active and avid user of the forums. And when I say avid, I MEAN, really avid! He really tried to help with the post count on my forum, causing them to skyrocket into the triple digits and considering this was the year 2012, despite him being the only one bombarding my forum with new posts countlessly throughout the months that would follow, this was an eccentric goldmine for me that I have miraculously stumbled upon, being ignorant to what true monster this terrifying person that time will slowly tell to become…

It started with an introduction from this user (of course), introducing himself as usual, and me doubting that it would just be another user who just signed up, this user would prove his loyalty to me. Shortly after, and by that I mean about a day later, he would start posting mostly his levels in the levels category, but he would also post very often in the “funnies” board, a board basically dedicated to jokes and memes the like.

I honestly thought that he would be just “another” user who would soon leave the forum after awhile; after witnessing most of my comrades who had followed through that same plan, this particular fellow however would come to subvert that. After a while, I'd began to build friendship with him and this specific person would become the future markings of what is yet to come…

He would also respond to old threads, and even though bumping threads aren’t usually allowed on most forums, my forum was an exception for some reason. I was always the generous admin, always wanted to give everyone a second chance, and that bumping threads wasn’t against the rules. Say it as you will about how ridiculous this proposal was, but I was okay with it. Could this be due to the low income of users, and high inactivity on the forum? Maybe.

However, ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ would reply to every single thread ever written and the forums he mostly posted on were the “Levels”, “Off Topic Discussion”, and the “Funnies” section. Rarely on occasion would he post on the Video Games section and Fan Art section, but at the end of the day, this guy was so fucking active. He was so active, my forum got to the point where it reached the quadruple digits thanks to this guy! Get rid of ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ and the numbers would be shortened by 1/3 of the initial value.

However, this was just the beginning. As my friendship began to grow with him, I saw potential in him. I saw hope, and that hope was not just in him, but it also gave hope to the forum as well. Whenever I was on hiatus, he would began to worry and he would always look out for my forum; just an innocuous kid that was just trying to help and I wish I could repay and thank him for everything he had done for me in my life. However, it was just the beginning of the rabbit hole and just like the victims of Jim Jones himself, I evidently drank the Kool-Aid… A thought to be the second coming of Robert302190, was nothing more than the Anti-Christ himself…

Chapter 12: The Big Announcement

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After the failure of Mario’s Epic Days, as I saw it as just a generic Mario game, I was at my screen one day, looking at the trailer for Secret of the Dry Guys, the aforementioned project by as303298, who was still my rival at the time. I often read posts and watch videos by him, often hearing him announce updates about his episode, so I decided to watch one of the trailers for the game as I never got around to watching it sooner. I sat at my computer, clicking on the video, and then I saw the gameplay. It was mindblowing! I saw very creative levels I had never seen before, mostly his Mirror Fortress level which was basically this dungeon level where if I can remember correctly, the level “wraps”, meaning if you go to the end of the border, it spawns you back on the other side from the start of the border, if that makes sense. The game was known for being very hard, and it was being let’s played by other people from the SMBX community. A spark of jealously had set off inside me, my rival had just made a successful move and I had to act quickly.

Seeing this back then gave me a spark, and I had the sudden urge to come up with an idea so I can rise above the ranks in the SMBX Community! The sudden realization that Adam’s project had just become as successful in ranks with the Apocalypse of Foroze, and that I wasn’t up there made me a bit jealous. I wanted to be up there too… Though I was coming up with ideas days to follow, nothing turned up, but I kept trying to find what idea can be unique and what idea could stick.

One day, a few months later after my initial planning, I was bored and was browsing GFX packs and individual sprites. I remember downloading my first individual GFX file since I rarely navigated the Graphics section, and when I do, it was mostly GFX Packs. I remember downloading the “Zephyr GFX Pack”. Now a side-note here, if you’re wondering who Zephyr was, he was a veteran of the SMBX boards, and let me tell you. His levels are very, very creative and he is known for coming up with gimmicks that many people wouldn’t ever dream of, I would say he’s even better than Quill, and EVEN better than Redegit. When you play his episodes like, “A New Beginning”, or “Super Mario Classic”, his level legitimately feels like as if Nintendo actually made those levels themselves, that’s how good they are!

Anyways getting back on track, I downloaded the GFX pack, along with some other random graphics for me to play around with and it was some random zombie toad graphic. I thought nothing of it and just wanted to play around with it. I extracted the GFX pack first and browsed through some of the files, mostly browsing the “Misc” folder. In it was just some extra bonuses and custom sprites thrown in there, just a mishmash of random sprites from unrelated games, however one of the folders in that folder caught my eye. It was a military toad and a shotgun wielding toad. I thought it was funny at the time and I decisicively threw them in a level just to see how it would play out. One of the Military Toads however, can walk and you can talk to them, which surprised me! It basically replaced some Goomba or whatever basic enemy that just walked left or right.

Off to the zombie toad. I threw in a zombie toad, just to see how it worked and it was pretty good! I tested the level and when you jump on it, it stops in its tracks, and you can kill it if you want. Basically it replaced an SMW Rex, but instead, when you jump on it, it just stops, which is pretty interesting, suggesting that the zombies limbs fell apart. Suddenly! An idea had just surfaced! A lightbulb had just went off in my head, giving me an idea that I had never thought of before. LUCKILY! I wasn’t a dumbass to delete any episodes that I had previously installed in my world's folder. I suddenly remembered the Castlevania episode that I had downloaded after seeing as303298’s walkthrough of it back then, and remembered specifically in that episode when I was playing it, there was this green Mario and Luigi boss, taking the characteristics of SMB3 Bowser.

It then suddenly hit me! A zombie toad… Military toads and shotgun toad… That Mario and Luigi boss… I SUDDENLY HAD AN IDEA! I could make a zombie apocalypse story, have it where Peach isn’t kidnapped this time and even have the King Koopa, Bowser himself join Mario’s side in stopping the zombie invasion! I got it! I then had the idea and suddenly, I named the project that would be a perfect candidate for the top-tier SMBX episodes. It was going to be called…

The Tales of the Evil Twins

Correction: The Tales of the Evil Twins was actually worked on in 2011, not 2012 and was actually posted to the aforementioned, infamous forum, but after the mentioning of my friend who had joined, I thought of writing this chapter anyways to tie it in, midway with the upcoming chapter ahead.

Chapter 13: Come One, Come All!

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After awhile, I began working on the game, starting off with an intro just like the Apocalypse of Foroze and Secret of the Dry Guys. I wanted the game to incapsulate the player, drawing them into the game via the plot of the story.

2000 years ago, the Dark Bros. had been defeated at the hands of Dario and Zuigi (don’t laugh), the ancestors of Mario and Luigi. They harnessed a power from the power stars, guardians of the mushroom kingdom, and banished the Dark Bros. after their attempt to invade the mushroom kingdom; into dust, back to their home planet Zebphis, never to be seen again until 2000 years later, the Dark Bros. had mysteriously resurfaced. This time being a bigger threat, they set to invade the mushroom kingdom once again, with a vast army of dead toads from all wars previously fought on the land, the power stars doing their best to rid their evil tyranny but failing to do so, the Dark Bros had prevailed, and the Mushroom Kingdom was no more. All what’s left is nothing but debris and an inferno. It is now in the hands of these two descendants, Mario and Luigi to stop their evil plot once and for all!

I tried cramming as much as I could within the limited space that I had for the intro level. Admittingly, I took the intro level itself from TAOF, and added in the zombie sprites that I downloaded, and added in my own story. At first, I was originally going to do the layers and events myself, however after hours of failing to replicate the intro from TAOF, I just said fuck it and decided to just take the intro level from that episode and all I had to do was write in my own story. You can see this in the game’s files, with the remaining assets from that episode with the dark link sprite from the original level.

Other than that, it went fine and luckily I was able to find the right intro track to fit the timing of the entire level, and was able to cram the entire story of the episode into this level, using very minimal words to fit within this level. After that, I then worked on the first level. It basically used that Mushroom Gorge (the name of the tileset), the same way as303298 used it in his episode, and because of that, I used this tileset as well to rival his project.

Later, I would go on to take the time to learn about layers and events, as at that time I wanted to become serious about it. Now, during this time, SMBX tutorials about layers and events were very scarce, remember this was 2011/2012 era YouTube here, so helpful tutorials were very minimum. This was partially true until I met a YouTuber, thanks to a user named Wyldfox. If you don’t know who he is, I don’t know if he’s still around anymore, but he did tutorial videos on layers and events, being mostly a part-by-part series, and I want to thank him for putting out the productive videos for me to learn about this subject matter. He did a damn good job at making the learning process so simple, he basically simplified it so well, and I was able to grasp an understanding of layers and events within hours, and after daily use of it, it had become second nature to me now.

It was at that moment when I began to do my best of my ability to apply the knowledge of layers and events, taking a more serious approach to it, I wanted this project to surpass my previous two projects. I had one goal, and that goal was to make this project my pure masterpiece. I began to implement very advanced layers and events (despite taking the intro level from the aforementioned episode) in my levels, wanting to do the very best job that I can.

The game as a whole, however; looking back at it now is not as good as I thought it was. The game was essentially another Mario episode, but instead of Goombas and Koopas, it was nothing but zombie toads and that’s it. Nothing special. Though when first starting out, the game used the same zombie toad sprite in every level, no variation at all, and all I did was just spam military and shotgun toads throughout most of the levels just to remind you that this was an apocalyptic episode. Even though enemies were repetitive, I decided to take screenshots of the episode and submit it to the aforementioned infamous message board, Knux; then later to my forum. It was then time for the submission of my awaited project...

The members of my forum were amazed by this magnificent feat, even ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 himself was surprised by the amount of detail that went into the level design. The reception for this project was pretty good, and of course, the year to follow, ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ was pretty pleased with it as well. The thread would go on to have five pages, with praise and awe.

During this time, I was working on levels, one after the other, showing how passionate I was about the project and it took within at most, a day to finish an entire level. When I got to the castle however, that’s when the creativity for this episode went out the window... Why? Well when first working on the castle level, this was during the same day I had a fight with DarkMatt. Yes, that DarkMatt. Remember that fight I had with him a few chapters back over his harsh critique of TerrariaBurak’s project, SMB in Terraria? Well, I was so fucking paranoid that day, and I was afraid of what he might’ve pulled next. This kind of mindset was a hinderance on my performance to complete the level, essentially making it a vanilla level with no custom GFX. Granted, I remember the level having custom music, albeit the chamber music from Super Castlevania IV, but that still wasn't enough to save the level entirely from boredom.

The boss was unoriginal as well, using Mother Brain from Super Metroid as the boss. Just dodge the rinkas (if you're wondering, those are those spaghetti-o's looking projectiles from the game) and that’s it, and also for some reason, I also gave the player a fucking Tanooki suit just so I could make the boss fight easy, hooray...... Other than that, the boss fight was decent, that’s it. Next level…

Shortly after, I would go and publish a demo for the game on my forum, it was open for constructive criticism, and constructive criticism I did receive. Many users on my forum had pointed out the bugs they have encountered, and I would get around to fixing them later down the line, and that was when I worked on World 2.

Working on World 2 was the most fun I’ve ever had, mostly being a desert world, it was when I tried my damned best at making the best, and if I forgot to mention, this project would go on to be me, using my knowledge of layers and events at its best. One of them was an athletic level, with fuzzies and bouncy mushrooms that you can jump on with crazy bullet bills and swimmable bubbles thrown in. It was essentially a chaoticly fun level, and that was one of my signature crafts for making SMBX levels; making them borderline hard, yet chaotically fun, but yet at the same time, making it look appealing to the player, leaving the eye to wander in awe while also focusing on the obstacles coming your way.

However, it came with one problem that plagued the entire episode. The enemies were getting fucking repetitive… I got tired of using the same zombie toads over and over again, essentially making them excuses for placements of obstacles without any reason. I was even at that point, debating whether I should break my vow and throw in goombas and koopas in the mix, and eventually I did, but still, I wanted this episode to feel like a “zombie” episode, but the use of the same zombie toads got very repetitive.

So then one day, I contacted ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝, my trusty friend who had helped me with the navigation buttons for the forums, and did so much for me at the time, and gave him one simple request. I asked him to make a variety of enemies for me to implement in my episode, which are the zombie toads. I asked him specifically to create as much variety of zombie toad enemies that he can. A month later, he responded and oh my god, my jaw dropped when he did. Not only did he followed my request, but he created a zombie hammer bros. toad that throws bones, another variant of the zombie, a purple one to be exact to mix up the zombie toad instead of the same black and red zombie toads, and a boo zombie toad. Even though this wasn’t much, this was more than enough for my project and I couldn’t thank him enough!

Because of this, that was the day when I promoted his status from moderator, to administrator, purely gaining his trust from me. This was loyalty as it’s best, and when you’re a member that is so loyal to the forum, and he does everything out of the heart for helping others, that’s when you truly win me over, earning an administrator status. I can’t say this enough, but ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝, if you’re reading this, I really wish I could do anything to pay you back, even through donations! You are of nothing but devoted hard work and pure loyalty to the forum at hand, thank you very much ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝!

I gladly used the sprites for my episode, making me feel almost special in a way, realizing that someone actually gave me the attention I needed for a moment in my life, and using something that was actually tailored for my needs, and I was really happy with the zombie toads. I used these sprites during the development of World 2, and like I said, looking back at it now, even though it’s boring, atleast I tried. I made so many fun levels, some of them being filler levels, and others being just pure, fun, and linear levels. One of them being this underground level with the chargin’ chucks and lava strewn all about, others were bonus levels, which used SMW assets, and was an auto-scrolling forest level. Oh and I forgot to mention, ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 made me a custom boss too, which was this giant pokey boss, the head of it replacing the boss, Wart, and the other body parts replacing Mother Brain's. The castle containing that boss for World 2 however was forgettable. Not much was put into the level, granted the first half of the level was pretty interesting, but the other half was just paint-by-numbers, okay, however it was mostly forgettable. It was just a generic castle with generic Mario castle music.

I would then, gladly get to work on world 3, an ice world. Basically you already get it by now, it was just a generic snow world with generic snow levels. If you can’t possibly tell by now, most of the levels in this episode looking back on it, were really forgettable. Really. Forgettable… Like trust me, I remember the levels because I made them, but ask anyone else who played through this game and they would swear that they never heard of this episode, that’s how forgettable it was.

However, back then, it didn’t matter because after working on the midst of the third world, I eventually had the confidence to go back to the SMBX community once again and signed up on another forum, this forum I had my eye on in particular. Around winter of 2012, I have finally made the decision to get back on my feet.

Cloud’s Empire is what it was. It was a forum back then, an SMBX forum as usual. It was basically like Knux but with nicer members and the people on there weren’t fucking assholes. If you didn’t know there were several SMBX forums back in the day, my forum would eventually become one of them, but it was the lowest of the tier. However the big three forums back then were Knuckles96, Cloud’s Empire, and Valterri’s forum. Of course, Knux was out of the picture, and I threw my hat into the ring with Cloud’s forum. Fun fact, I loved the assets that Cloud’s forum had since it was essentially also run on Forumotion back then (yes, the forum is now defunct) and I was jealous because I also wanted the nice aesthetics myself. Instead of actually taking the time to learn about paint.net and learning about using the “nearest-neighbor” option when resizing images of sprites, instead let’s just say, I kinda, “took”, those assets from that forum and put them onto my forum.

Anyways, moving on, I joined the forum, said my introductory piece as “נεsυs77755” and as soon as I wrote that topic, I was already ashamed. Granted, since some of the members were migrants from Knux’s forum, my confidence of publishing the project on that site was lowered even more. This was a make it or break it situation, but surprisingly, over the next few days, people began to welcome me with open arms and generally accepted me on the forum. It’s like it was another world to me and I had another chance to shine on the forum. So this time, I didn’t act like an annoying douchebag on the forum as I have gotten older at the time, and I mostly focused more on submitting my projects, and asking for graphical requests from other users. Shortly after, I added my forum URL in my signature, opening a door for new users to join the forum.

I would then go on to finally post my project onto the forum, The Tales of the Evil Twins. To me, it didn’t matter if people ignored it or not, all that mattered was me unleashing my creativity piss unto the world to see and time would tell from there. Then tomorrow happened... I woke up the next morning, and the thread blew up with three pages of replies! People were praising it, saying that the game looks very interesting and were legitimately excited for the release of the game. I have never gotten so much praise for something in my life, and at that moment, once again, I felt special. From the level designs to the screenshot of the intro, people were pumped for the game. Also, within that post was the demo for the game, which the latest demo as I write this is still currently at three worlds, and you’ll begin to see why, but going onto my Mediafire account and seeing that the game has gotten over 100 downloads is a milestone for me and I never thought I would get this short 24 hours of fame.

During this time, I began to see other people’s projects on the forum. Most of them got good feedback as I read through them to see if it's worth downloading or not, and then I started noticing a certain user on the forum replying to most of the threads... They were getting replies from a user by the name of “rahr480”, who was a user that will do posters and banners for projects that were currently in development. I was seeing many projects with the banner of their project title, most of them being the cover art for their projects in the header of their posts. Seeing this gave me an idea... Around Christmas Eve, I contacted rahr480 into making me a poster for my episode and he gladly obliged. Within two hours of my request, he finished making the poster, I listed him in the banner of my episode and the rest was history.

Rahr480 would later come to join my forum, basically supplying levels and projects for my forum. He would also warn about users who are “scammers” on my forum and basically giving me advice in general. I’m just glad he didn’t mind my usage of Cloud’s Empire assets on my forum, because that would've been the first question on anybody's mind when they come across my forum. However, he only lasted for like five posts on the forum and then just disappeared. I have never seen him since, but the mere fact that a user who had decisively jumped over the fence, landing in my property was a miracle to me, and it was a welcome in my eyes.

Chapter 14: Lost of Interest

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It was until a very young 2013 had finally emerged, I had just gotten an early New Years gift from my parents. It was Yoshi’s Island for the Nintendo DS. As a kid, I always wanted to get this game, after the fact that I have Kirby Super Star Ultra for the DS as well, being a remake of the SNES version of the same name; I initially thought this game would be a Nintendo DS remake of that same name as well...

Well, I never got to opening it until New Years day because I was more busy splurging myself in New Years Eve, foods and goodies, and continued making new levels for World 3 of TTOTET. That was however, when New Years struck. The very first of January was the day I’ve gotten a cold, something that I haven’t experienced in six years at that point. It was one of the harshest colds that I’ve ever gotten in my life, being bed ridden for two weeks. The sore throat experience that I had to endure was unbareable, and it didn't go away until six days later, being in absolute torture for those days.

So to pass the pain away, I spent mostly all day in bed playing Yoshi’s Island DS and let me tell you. This game was a fucking disappointment. This is going to be another mini-rant, but don’t worry, I won’t stall too long. This game was so disappointing… So do you remember when I said that Kirby Super Star Ultra was the DS remake of the SNES version? Well I literally thought this game was the case too, and sadly it isn't the case!

Instead, we have a brand new game (which is fine however, if ADVERTISED CORRECTLY) with six fucking characters that we didn’t fucking ask for, pointlessly shoehorned into the game, as it grates on your ear, progressively making it even fucking worse!. Yeah, you thought the original Yoshi’s Island was annoying because you had to put up with Mario’s fucking crying, well this fucking game is on steroids when it comes to that. Not only you have to deal with Mario, but also fucking Peach, Luigi, Bowser Jr., Donkey Kong and Wario!

I don’t remember which baby had the worst fucking crying sound in the game, but one of them was so fucking bad I literally had to mute the Nintendo DS. This would turn out to be a disappointment, because I thought this game was a fucking remake! But no, IT’S FUCKING NOT! IT’S A SHITTY SEQUEL THAT NO ONE ASKED FOR! I can understand if it was Yoshi’s Island 2, and it was on the DS, but why just Yoshi’s Island DS? That would make you assume that it’s just a remake for the game! That would be like advertising the sequel to L.A. Noire (if Rockstar actually had the time to MAKE that game) as “L.A. Noire PS4”.

First of all, not only would you piss of Xbox fans with that move, but also, PEOPLE WOULD FUCKING ASSUME THAT IT’S A FUCKING HD REMAKE OF THE SAME NAME, NOT A FUCKING SEQUEL! I’m not saying sequels are bad, but don’t fucking title it, “Yoshi’s Island DS”, because the fucking consumer is going to assume that it’s a remake of the fucking original!

So yeah if you can’t tell, you can see why I was bed ridden for six days of “torture”. This game contributed that pain to that experience, and I was further disappointed. The game was so bad, to this day, the cartridge is collecting dust somewhere in my room, that’s how shit it was. So I was just in my bed, being fucking bored out of my mind. And yes, the game is also fucking boring, so go figure. First world problems, eh?

Well anyways, after that first week of disappointment, two weeks had passed and my cold was beginning to die down and I was able to go back to using the computer again. I opened up my level editor, waiting eagerly as the coin was spinning slowly, loading the program, and I created a new level. However, something was missing. Something didn’t feel right… It was at that moment, I have encountered my most feared enemy of any creativity process… Creative Block. I was originally working on an airship level as it was going to be a key plot device that was going to drive the story along. However, for the life of me I could not get the idea to work on the level that I desired to make.

I was sitting at my desk for hours. I already had the background music for the airship level, but I was just sitting at my desk with nothing in my head. At first I thought I was fatigued and I decided to give it a day or so, but no, my creative block continued. It was as if I lost the touch to craft a beautiful level.

Months later, I’d began to stall, as days turned into weeks, then into months, and then eventually into years. I had eventually lost interest in the project, leaving behind one of my greatest passions, all thanks to this wonderful cold that I had… I’d even forgot how to do layers and events, and ever since that day, the project has been stuck in World 3, even as of this time. I kept saying to myself that I will get around to finishing the project, however this is 2020, and people had forgotten about the project. Even as time went on, projects like SDG (Secret of the Dry Guys) and TAOF have been forgotten as well, as newer more innovative projects had taken their places.

Chapter 15: Team Fortress 2

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Throughout early 2013, this would turn out to be what I would call the bronze age of my life, as I was getting more into technology and the use of the smartphone would be used more dominantly in my life over the Nintendo DSi. Around February of that year, I had a friend who I was really close with who I will not mention his name, but for brevity’s sake, let’s refer him as Wilson. Wilson introduced me to a software that will forever change my life and it was Steam. Steam was a gaming marketplace where both AAA (AAA, meaning big companies like EA, Ubisoft, etc.) and indie developers alike can publish their games on the market and make profit off of it. This was a genius concept, as this was way before the concept of the digital market became a thing. During that time, most of any media content were physical copies, so the idea that you can download a game after purchase on the Steam store was a dream come true!

However, I didn’t have any money at the time and I was broke as any other 12 year old kid would be, so I downloaded my very first ever game on the steam market called Team Fortress 2. I heard about TF2, as I used to watch R33MIX, a YouTuber who made 3D animations of TF2 characters, and he was one of the first ones to use a software called SFM (Source Film Maker), and even though SFM is very common now, it was unheard of during that time. I’ve never played it, but seeing as the game was free was a weird concept to me. You see, I wasn’t fond of the concept of Free-to-Play, a marketing scheme by companies for people to download the game for free, but you have to purchase items in the game to progress further on. This is called micro-transactions, a move that is hated by many gamers of the community, and rightfully so. EA is infamous for this, as that’s all their games strive for is micro-transactions, and most of their games are pay to win. I could do a full on rant about this subject, but that’s a discussion for another time.

When I first downloaded TF2 (which takes a shitload of time to download the game, let me tell you...), the game was very laggy, of course due to the fact that my PC was very underpowered and I didn’t have the hardware to run the game. I remember playing through the tutorial and it was just your standard FPS shooter, I didn’t see what was so special about the game. After playing through the tutorials, learning the ropes about how to play the game, I then decided to join a server. Now, if you don’t know. I don’t have too many friends, Wilson being a rare one here, so I was just a shy and timid person in general. Joining a server, I remember clicking on a random payload one as it only had two people in it and the very first class that I picked was Heavy as I thought that was the main character of the game at that time. There were two players on that server, one was a Heavy and the other one was a Demoman.

If I remembered correctly, the Demoman had some kind of shogun armor, and Heavy had on a Russian hat. Demoman was spamming his grenades at me, and little did I know, Heavy’s minigun doesn’t fire immediately, as it takes awhile for it to spin and then fire, so by the time I found that out, Demoman kept kicking my ass. I kept dying five times to this fate and then I eventually left the server, not in rage, but in embarrassment.

The next day, my friend at school asked me why I didn’t enjoy TF2, as he liked playing the game himself, and I just said that I’m not into first person shooters. He later convinced me to like the game as you can customize your character, get more weapons, and wipe out your opponents in many different, fun, and unique ways. After that, I gave the game another chance, giving it much more thought into it. Over time, I would've become addicted to TF2, putting multiple hours into the game nonstop and my love for FPS games was starting to grow from there. I remember putting many hours into the game, over a thousand hours to be exact, and I remember playing on a map which used to be my favorite, called Fastlane.

For some reason, many people don’t like this map, but for me, I like it because it’s adventurous and plus the server for that map had like 30 players. There were some days I couldn’t get in because it was overcrowded, so I had to play on other maps. Of course, I encountered some assholes, some being an edgelord in either voice chat or just the chatlogs in general, others were aimbotting on server which is heavily against the rules and can result in a permanent VAC ban, which is a ban you don’t want to get from Steam.

Sadly, the Fastlane map disappeared and my love for TF2 was never the same, because it was the map that I initially loved, so instead, in the meantime I decided to hunt for more TF2 items. This is where idle servers came into play. Now, I didn’t know what an idle server was, but over time I would find out that it's a server where players would leave the game running over night as their health depletes in timely fashion, and repeatedly as well, as the player will go through this same cycle over and over again until sunrise. The reason for this was because TF2 has a drop system, meaning that if you die multiple times in the game, chances are that you will get item drops from in game.

I used to play on those idle servers, unknowingly it’s true purpose of the server and I would just run around, shooting at the players, killing them over and over again. Of course, this is what the player wants, but it was kind of rude now that I look back at it. While I was going on idle servers, being a dick to everyone, I would just basically find creative ways to kill the opposing teammates on the server as they idled around, standing around doing absolutely nothing, while assumingly everyone was asleep as I did the work. As you can tell, my interest in SMBX had really deteriorated at that point as I have moved on to other things in my life.

One day, my parents started to notice my addiction to the game (even though I spent at most, three to five hours at a time every day after doing my homework and everything) and they started putting a time limit on my brand new Windows 7. This really fucking pissed me off because they were taking away my rights from my OWN computer. I was stripped of administrative rights and they went back to the fucking “2 Hour” time limit standard. Instead of using parental controls and adding time limits, they went the extra mile and installed a software. I forgot the name of the software, but the mascot of this product was a cartoon dog wearing a yellow cape. This sad excuse of a sack of fucking shit would pop up reminding you,

“Oh shit, your time limits are about to expire!”

This was fucking bullshit, so of course I found a way around this bullshit as I wasn’t a dumb shit back then and actually used common sense to try to bypass this nonsense. I went onto YouTube and looked up tutorials on how to disable this software and go back to my usual business. One exploit that I found but sadly it’s temporary, was going to task manager and ending the process. This would actually work, however it would just stun the software, adding 15 more minutes to the time limit. So being up all night and doing this every 15 minutes, was a fucking pain in the ass.

Eventually my parents found out that I have been extending the deadline for the software. Come to find out, the fucking software actually reports if anything has been tampered with, emailing them if I had been messing with the software or not. This was fucking bullshit! So of course, my parents scolded me and threatened to ground me if I keep it up. Hesitantly able to comply with those threats, this is when Plan B went into action.

I snuck onto their computer and went into their email, and clicked on one of the emails that reported to them about the suspicious activity, and then I literally created a filter, sending the email automatically to a created folder that they’ll never know about. Of course, eventually they’ll find out later, however this method slowed them down. I then did a test to see if the process worked or not and it actually did! I went back to my PC, waited for the pop up, and then ended the process, went back to my parents laptop and come to find out, it worked! The email was nowhere to be seen. I checked the created folder I had made, and the email was sent to that folder instead! This was a lifesaver and I went back to my room and continued to watch more videos on YouTube.

One day, I was playing some TF2, being stupid enough to realize that my parents would hear the suspicious activity in my room. I then heard a knock at my door, and then I put two and two together... I realized I had fucked up and my plan backfired big time! I answered the door and was then met with a confrontational response, saying that I have lied to them and found out that the emails were sent to a random folder to deter them from their inbox. They scolded me for this and I was grounded for an entire week. This left me really sad because I have now become deprived of the thing that I love doing the most on my PC at the time: playing games and watching YouTube videos.

However, one week later , my parents came to my room and made a deal. The deal was for me to keep my computer in my room but have time limits on it, or have the computer in the living room, with no time limits whatsoever. My parents were really fascist at the time, so seeing that I had no other choice, I opted for the latter, and I get to keep my time limits on the computer, all the while being seen by my parents at all times. It was a sad choice, as being constantly seen by your parents as you play, defeats the purpose of privacy, but over time I would grow to get used to it. So I went back to the usual, watching YouTube videos and playing games most of my time. I resumed my love for TF2 back then, putting many hours into the game once again, playing on my favorite idle server and continuing to blast the shit out of the players.

At the same time, I was also watching many TF2 YouTubers at that time as well, one of the very first being WickyDoo. He was a YouTuber who made mostly stop motion GMod videos (as they were popular at the time) and more importantly, his showcase and strategy guide of TF2, showcasing all of the characters and their skillsets, etc.. These videos gave me a more better understanding of the game and I’ve gotten really invested into it. His videos were fundamental, as they were beginner's guides to playing as the differential nine different classes in the game, teaching you their quirks, their strengths and weaknesses and how to take advantage of other's weaknesses as well as with the particular class that you play as. Overall, it was a great, first-step in the door for getting into TF2 for the first time.

Shortly after, I began to find other TF2 YouTubers who were really big at the time, though their relevance has been long gone, the two biggest YouTubers who did videos of TF2 were Jerma and STAR_. If you look at their channels now, it is now a frozen shell of what the community had once been. I remember watching these videos almost everyday after getting home from school, either on my computer or my phone, seeing their skillful kills on screen, and I began to become jealous as to why their aim was so much better than mine. Nearly every YouTuber that I watched had incredibly good aim, yet for me, no matter how hard I try, I still always die.

However, speaking of dying, there would be times where idle members on the server would be active and we would fight each other on the server, shooting at each other, wasting each other, etc. Eventually I began to get more items in the game and even though my aiming was terrible, that didn’t stop me from playing the game. I kept getting new items and weapons, trying them out, but my ultimate goal was to get some even better items. Items that the community seemed to mostly be invested in... Something that players seemed to be obsessed with the most… Hats. I used to put so many hours into the game just to get a hat, and for some reason hats were so hard to come by. It wasn’t until I got my first hat… It was called the “Ghastly Gibus”, a top hat that had the top lid of the hat cropped open.

I was so fucking happy when I got this hat, thinking at the time that I had finally accomplished my goal of finally getting a hat just like everybody else. I finally got what I wanted and I actually felt specially for a moment once again in my life. I kept playing through the game, and getting more kills in the game, and getting more items. However, one day, that would eventually change as I finally reached my 60th slot limit in the game, meaning that I am not able to get anymore items in TF2. Yes, that’s right, the game has a slot limit and F2Players were restricted to that as unlimited inventory slots were available to Premium to Players, meaning that those who bought items in game were able to have more options than those who just downloaded the game and farmed for item drops. This pissed me off, realizing that this game lied to me this whole time, though granted that didn’t stop me from loving the game, it was still a bullshit move to do this to players, so eventually I just stopped playing and moved onto watching more YouTube videos of TF2.

As I began to watch more YouTube videos, I came across some funny GMod videos in the process, one in particular was a fad of videos called, “Vicious Cycle of [Insert map name here]”. These videos were so hilarious and I used to binge watch most of these videos at the time as it would stereotype many of the players who chose certain classes in the game. Others were miscellaneous GMod videos that just had that surreal level of humor. It wasn’t until I noticed a reoccurring joke within the TF2 community however, a meme if you will at the time. It was a joke about the Ghastly Gibus, as it was usually referred to as a “noob” hat and it’s mostly acquired by F2Players, meaning that players who are P2P got more hats. Hearing about this made me realize that buying items in this game is how you became Premium to Play.

Over time, I decided to get more serious about it and I gave my hard earned 5 dollars to my parents, and asked them to buy me an item for me. They did, and even though they were skeptical of putting their credit card information on there, they eventually obliged, buying me my first TF2 item in the game. The very first item being the “Rainblower”, a pyro weapon in the game that shoots a rainbow beam in place of the flames that would typically come out of a flamethrower. If you didn’t know, I always wanted that weapon as I loved the pyrovision aesthetics of the game, and I thought it would be an awesome weapon to have in my arsenal, and to this day, it's still a neat novel weapon to have in your inventory.

Along with my first purchase of the weapon, I got a “Mann Co.” hat for free, congratulating me on my first ever purchase of an item from the TF2 store, making me instantly a Premium Player. I was so fucking happy at that moment, realizing that I am finally P2P and that I can finally show it around proudly on servers, realizing that I am for once, with the other P2Players, eventually acquiring more hats and weapons to have in my arsenal. As I played religiously through the game, low-framerates, lag and all, I would go on to accumulate 540 slots in total of weapons, as I put around near 1,000 hours into the game doing so.

This would later cause me to go onto servers again, regaining my confidence and finally deciding to just go to town with the items that I had acquired over the months. I spent many hours on idle servers as usual, shooting at the opposing team, killing them as they stood still for hours on end. However this idle server was actually different for once. This idle server was unique, as it was a huge cavern with lots of stalagmites and stalactites spread throughout the map. You spawn in a mini-cave while the opposite team has their own mini-cave on the other side of the map. This was great for many reasons, one being that it’s a huge cave map and you can go into open battle if the players chose to do so, while others can chose to just idle (traditionally as intended) there until their untimely deaths occurs. Because of this, this was a huge benefit and a double-whammy, as many of the other typical idle servers were small in nature, leaving the server to being a claustraphobic environment instead of being a spread out one just like this map.

I remember going on the server from time to time and we would go to war with each other on some days, on the map. Eventually, as I kept playing along getting kills on the map, I kept hearing a kid who kept voice chatting in the game and I would eventually grow to voice chat with him. We had small talk, but eventually our conversation started to grow and we eventually teamed up, going to war with the other people on the server. This was the most fun that we ever had on a TF2 server, well... ever... and I will not forget this moment as well. A few minutes later, as we were getting kills on the map, some troll went on a server claiming that he was Hitler and he had a stereotypical German accent.

This would go on for many minutes, resulting in laughter, and it was one of the times I wish I had recorded this incident and posted it to YouTube, as it would’ve made a lot of views at the time. Sadly my PC was too shitty to record on, so that wasn’t the case. He would go on for 20 more minutes, trolling the community, until eventually leaving the server, never to be seen again.

We then went back to our debacle, talking about stuff and this is when things became crazy. All of a sudden, the server admin then summoned a Headless Horseman boss! It was basically a the Headless Horseman and it had a pumpkin for a head. We fought vigorously against the boss, riddling it with bullets until luckily, I was the first one to kill the boss and even more luckily, I got the Monoculus mask and the Headless Horseman mask as well! These two masks were the masks that I’ve always wanted to get and I finally got it, and I couldn't be any happier!

We began to chat some more until the players eventually got annoyed with us. They essentially became dicks and started asking us to leave the server because we’re annoying them to death and who could blame us? We were still kids at the time, so of course, they decided to troll us. They started spawn camping us, and being a dick about it as well. One of the people that was spawn camping us was a heavy and a medic healing him, eventually causing him to get uber-charged, meaning that there was nothing we can do, so we were fucked as they were riddling us with bullets, giving us little time for escape as by the time you left the camp, there's a 90% chance that you would be dead. Eventually, I changed as the spy, and a couple times I managed to sneak out invisibly to flank them, but when I came back around to try to backstab them, I fucking failed as usual and then I went back to being spawn camped repeatedly as usual. We eventually agreed to leave the server and we became friends shortly after, not realizing what tree that I had barked up, being oblivious to the untrustful nature of the cyberworld that is the internet and to this very day I shutter at the thought of such encounter. That friend’s name was, “Gilly”.

Chapter 16: The Gilly Chronicles

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It has been nearly a month by now, and me and my friend had began to play together on our local TF2 servers, the server names I will not mention here. We began playing, and everything was going very well so far. We would eventually ditch the idle servers and play on multiplayer maps. Here, at this point is where Gilly and I would be on the same team together, defending points on the maps and preventing it from being caught by enemy hands.

Other maps that we played together on were usually payloads, where you have to push a nuke to multiple points on the map and eventually if you make it to the end of the map without the time running out, you win the match successfully. I was never a fan of payload matches but I obliged because my friend loved playing on these maps. Overall, we had so much fun, and at this point, this is primarily the reason why I put thousands of hours into this game, mostly because of my friend. Eventually, our voice chatting with each other would get the attention of other voice chatters who chimed in, most of them being very nice acquaintances, as we would talk with each other over the microphone for hours, and others, as expected, being usual dicks to us.

Other times, I would get invites from my friend to join a map, which is a great feature if you want to know which server your friend is on, so it’ll automatically connect you to that server to meetup with him. Some of the servers that we were on, were mostly shitpost servers with crudely drawn pictures strewn all about as textures, suggestive material that were spray painted on the walls (yes, TF2 had a feature where you can spray paint custom images that were downloaded to your PC onto the walls of the server map), and other kid's voices chatting on the server. I remember being on a server where it was Super Mario Kart themed, basically a racing map essentially. While I was there with my friend, we were running around, talking with each other as usual until I began to notice that there were talks of someone hacking the server. Eventually, someone else voice chatted and started accusing me of hacking their server. A voice said,

“[your name], turn off your fucking hacks”

He kept repeating this to me over and over again. I kept denying that I did such a thing in the voice chat, until he repeated the aforementioned statement again, this time more aggressively. After that, there was another voice in the chat that said he was going to report me for cheating. At this point I was panicking, apparently everyone on the server was accusing me of hacking, because apparently I had “speed-hacks” on. Eventually, I asked my friend to go to another server and he agreed. The reason why this moment was so scary for me was because, at that moment, this was the closest thing to getting a VAC ban and I was lucky, for now…

Looking back on that incident however, I have a theory for why they could've been accusing me. There was probably a player on the server who did have speed hacks on, but he played as a spy, so evidently he must've disguised himself as a scout. If you don't know, when you disguise as someone in TF2, not only you take the shape and form of the opposing team, but you also bare the name of the opposing teammates as well, making this theory very likely, considering the fact that the player probably bared my name, which is why I was being falsely accused of such a thing.

Another thing I remembered was going on another server which was also a shitpost as well. This server is what I would describe as if 4chan was in the form of a server, though not as bad, so in this context, let’s just say it’ was like if Knux was in the form of a server. We went on the server and, admittingly, the administrator was a cuck. The server were full of cheaters, people speed hacking, having unlimited double jumps, and aimbotting. The admin on the server however was very nice, in fact so nice that he actually hanged out with us and voice chatted with us, telling us to hide where ever on the map from these cheaters. Though, he said that there were hackers on his server, there was nothing he could do about it at the moment.

Over time, the server was so weird that it began to have jumpscares. That’s right. Literal jumpscares. As we were hiding from the hackers on the server, there were literally jumpscares with low resolution animated GIFs, with earrape Pyro or Soldier sounds. Experiencing this at first was really scary and caught me off guard, but eventually I’ve gotten used to it and we were essentially playing hide and seek from the hackers. Eventually the hackers found us and they kept trolling us on the server until eventually we had to leave the server once again and go to another server.

Most other things I remember about the interaction I had with Gilly was our time being alone together on idle servers. Because the server had zero players in them, Gilly and I would voice chat with each other, basically shooting the shit, killing time. Think of this as a private chatroom, but in the form of a online match as we fucked about the server, either exploring or sometimes hand-to-hand combat. We would go on these inactive servers and chat with each other, and most of the time we would just dick around, to the point where me and my friend were on opposite teams and we didn’t even kill each other.

I would literally play as the scout and he would be another class, usually a heavy. I would jump on top of him and then we would do crazy stuff, essentially destroying the purpose of what TF2 was meant to be. It was essentially a friendly server, which there were actually servers where both teams got along and set their grievances aside, however this would consume my life so much that I forgot about my forum, completely. The amount of time that I had spent with this guy basically stripped me of my acknowledgement of the forum that I had ran, almost semi-abandoning it as I left my members who relied upon me behind...

Over time my friend however, began to slowly become obsessive, to the point where I would be concerned about his health. He began to show obsessive behavior towards me as he was literally online all the time, playing video games all day to the point where I even began to wonder if this kid was in school at all? When I wasn’t playing a video games with him, he would message me on the daily basis, which turned into minutes to even hours, taking away my focal point of getting good grades in school. I didn’t see the red flag with him yet at this point as I was still naïve at the time, but over time, it really started to turn into an obsession.

He would literally interrupt me in the middle of doing important tasks, asking me to join a server him, even though I told him that I didn’t have the time, as I was busy with my schoolwork. For hours on end, he would do this, but like I said, I didn’t mind it that much. I would get constant notifications from him being online all day, and not only would he play on TF2, but other games as well, the one game I would often see him play is EVE Online.

Taking a break from all of this, I would eventually go back to watching videos on YouTube, mostly TF2 related content from my favorite YouTubers at the time, however STAR_ wasn’t posting as much as his uploads were beginning to show up months apart from each other, so I primarily watched Jerma’s videos more. I was binge watching his videos, putting more hours into them daily, as I find his commentary just as good and inciteful as STAR_'s commentary. At this point my life consisted of watching YouTubers, and playing on servers with my friend, taking away so much time, I forgot about working on my projects as a whole, for a short while, making it apart of my life at that point. However, that was about to change...

Around the months going into summer, as I was watching a TF2 video that talked about viewing inventories online. There was a website that you can pull up, and in it, you can view the inventory that you have in the game, as well as other people's inventories by just typing their Steam ID into the search box, as it'll pull up a database of their items that they possess on that given page. After sitting around almost all morning, watching TF2 videos, that would go on to be the last TF2-related video (or any video for that matter) as the following incident would go to be one of the most imfamous incidents to ever happen in my life...

As I got up to stretch and get something to eat, I walked in the kitchen and noticed that my mom got herself something from McDonald's. I asked her why she didn't get me anything from McDonald's (politely I might add), and she literally replied distatefully, saying something about that I didn't deserve it and she just got one for herself. I called her out for her selfishness, but she wasn't having that and it began to fume into argument from there. The argument got worse and worse to the point where I said something that I shouldn't have said, and it escalated to my parents literally storming into my room, confiscating everything, including my phone, and my desktop, as they were hauling them out of my room, FBI style to the point where I was left with nothing but furniture... While my mom was doing the dirty work, my dad literally held me hostage, with a phone in his hand, threatening to call 911 if I dare made a move while my room was being emptied. All my belongings had been donated to the thrift store, all over a FUCKING COMMENT COMPLAINING THAT WHAT SHE DID WAS SELFISH!

To this day, looking back at it, I know what I did was wrong and that I shouldn’t have disrespected my parents, everyone shouldn’t, but this… This was going too far. The aftermath was an immaculate room with nothing inside. Just my bed, my desk, everything. Everything was gone, and all the things that I had cherished were no more. All my Nintendo Power magazines that I had (a subscription service that is now defunct) were gone. My comic book collection was gone. I had no phone to use. I was essentially fucked, severing my connection with my friend Gilly for months to come. I had been grounded for around six months and throughout the year, I instead had to find other ways to kill time, whether that was reading books, or being in bed all day in sheer boredom. That’s right. The old days are back. No PC, no DS, or any other form of entertainment for that matter... The only thing that I had was my pencil, paper, and my MP3 player.

For the meantime, I had to make due with what I had, and seeing the fact that my PC was no more at that point in my life, I began to lose all hope. I was in bed, being depressed and all as usual and as I was roaming around my room, looking for paper because I was a passionate artist who was heavily into drawing (and still am) at the time. As I was shuffling through all the already drawn on papers and other junk, I discovered a black metallic, rectangular object. I thought to myself at the time, “This. This can’t be!?”. It was... It was my parents old HTC-HD2, a phone that my parents had owned around 2007. What’s even more surprising was that the phone had no passcode, meaning that I could just simply unlock the phone and make due with all the troubles I was going through at the time.

This would be my only means of resource for personal entertainment and the HTC HD2 would go on to do just that for me. Keeping a low profile at the time and keeping my mouth shut, I began listening to music, watching YouTube videos on it, and left most of them on in the background while I drew on my desk with my pencils, Prismacolor markers, and Pigma Micron pens. Even though the phone was very old, and it is even more by today’s standards, it wasn’t that bad as I remember it to be. The phone was actually pretty fast, and efficient to use when it comes to loading web browsers, and apps. No more waiting eight fucking seconds just for a simple app to load, it actually runs pretty fast. Granted, there was no sim-card, but that doesn’t matter anyways, as I was grounded and I couldn’t use my Samsung Galaxy Exhibit anyway.

While I was grounded however, that didn’t stop me from sneaking onto my dad’s laptop as I would surf on the internet when needed, whether it would be downloading music from YouTube to MP3 conversion websites, to checking out my forum, to see what my members were doing, and that’s exactly what I did. Whenever my dad was abscent from the laptop, I would go on his laptop behind his back, and of course I was caught multiple times, however, I remember visiting the forum for the first time within months, during my punishment and it was flooded with new posts. Countless new members had signed up, and ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ had made multiple posts on countless threads as well as new members who have showed up to create new posts as well. It was all insane and to me, it was a good welcome home gift.

Though, most of the recent posts by ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ was him stating that he missed me and he was wondering where have I’d been, seeing this was heartwarming, because most other members, if a forum is dead, they would’ve left a long time ago, but ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ still kept on posting, trying the keep the forum alive. One of the threads that he made was his concern about me, stating how he missed me and how he wish that the forum was more successful than it actually is. The thread was titled, “Guys this is serious”, under the subcategory of the Off-Topic Discussion section. In it, it reads as follows,

“TᕼIᔕ Iᔕ ᔕEᖇIOᑌᔕ.ᗯE ᗩᖇE ᒪOᔕIᑎG ᑭOᑭᑌᒪᗩᖇITY Iᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ.I KᑎOᗯ TᕼᗩT ᗯE ᗩᖇE GOIᑎG TO ᔕᑕᕼOOᒪ,ᗷᑌT TᕼIᔕ Iᔕ ᔕEᖇIOᑌᔕ.ᑎOᗷOᗪY ᑭOᔕTEᗪ ᖴOᖇ ᗩᗷOᑌT 2 ᗰOᑎTᕼᔕ.ᑎOᗷOᗪY E᙭ᑭEᑕT ᗰE ᗩᑎᗪ ᒍEᔕᑌᔕ77755 ᑭOᔕTEᗪ 2 YEᗩᖇᔕ EᗩᖇᒪIEᖇ.ᗯE ᕼᗩᐯE ᗰᗩᑎY ᗰEᗰᗷEᖇᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ ᑎOᗷOᗪY ᑭOᔕTᔕ.ᗩᑎᗪ ᔕO I ᗪOᑎT KᑎOᗯ ᗯᕼᗩT TO ᑭOᔕT ᗯITᕼ ᑎOᗷOᗪY ᑭOᔕTIᑎG.ᒍEᔕᑌᔕ77755 Iᖴ YOᑌᖇE ᖇEᗩᒪᒪY TᕼEᖇE ᑭᒪEᗩᔕE ᖇEᔕᑭOᑎᗪ.ᗯᕼᗩT Iᖴ ᑎOᗷOᗪY ᑭOᔕTᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ TᕼIᔕ ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ GETᔕ ᗪEᒪETEᗪ.ᑎO,Iᗰ ᑎOT GOIᑎG TO ᒪET TᕼIᔕ ᕼᗩᑭᑭEᑎ.ᗩᑎᗪ YOᑌ ᗩᒪᒪ ᗰEᗰᗷEᖇᔕ ᗯᕼO ᗩᖇE ᖇEGIᔕTEᖇEᗪ,ᑭᒪEᗩᔕE ᑭOᔕT.ITᔕ ᗩ ᔕᕼᗩᗰE Iᖴ TᕼEᖇE ᗩᖇE ᗰᗩᑎY ᗰEᗰᗷEᖇᔕ OᑌTTᗩ TᕼEᖇE ᗩᑎᗪ OᑎᒪY ᗰE ᗩᑎᗪ ᒍEᔕᑌᔕ77755 ᑭOᔕT.I TᕼIᑎK TᕼIᔕ Iᔕ ᔕᑌᔕᑭIᑕIᑌOᔕ.ᗰᗩYᗷE ᔕOᗰEOᑎE Iᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ Iᔕ ᗰᗩKIᑎG ᗰᗩᑎY ᗩᑕᑕOᑌᑎTᔕ ᒍᑌᔕT ᔕO TᕼᗩT TᕼE ᑎᑌᗰᗷEᖇᔕ ᗩᖇE GᖇEᗩT.ᗩᑎᗪ ᗯᕼᗩT ᗯE GOT ᑎOTᕼIᑎG.Iᖴ ᑎOᗷOᗪY ᗯᗩᑎTᔕ TO ᑭOᔕT TᕼEᑎ I ᗯIᒪᒪ ᒍᑌᔕT ᔕO TᕼᗩT TᕼE ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ ᗯOᑎT ᗷE ᗪEᒪETEᗪ.ᗩᑎᗪ TᕼIᔕ Iᔕ ᒪᗩᔕT ᗷᑌT ITᔕ ᒪOᑎG.ᒍEᔕᑌᔕ77755 TᕼIᑎK ᗩᗷOᑌT YOᑌᖇ ᑭᗩᔕT.I ᖇEᗩᗪ ᗩᒪᗰOᔕT EᐯEᖇY TOᑭIᑕ TᕼᗩT ᗩᖇE ᗰᗩᗪE TOO ᒪOᑎG ᗩGO ᗯᕼEᑎ I ᗯᗩᔕᑎT TᕼEᖇE.ᗩᑎᗪ Iᗰ ᔕᑌᖇE ᗯᕼEᑎ YOᑌ ᗩᑕᑕEᑭTEᗪ ᗰE ᗩᔕ ᗩ ᗰEᗰᗷEᖇ TᕼEY ᗩᒪᒪ ᒪEᖴT ᒪIKE TᕼE ᗯIᑎᗪ.ᗩᑎᗪ Iᖴ IT ᗯᗩᔕᑎT ᖴOᖇ ᗰE TᕼIᔕ ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ ᗷE ᗪEᒪETEᗪ ᗷY ᑎOᗯ(I TᕼIᑎK).ᗩᑎᗪ ᗩᔕ I ᔕᗩIᗪ Iᑎ TᕼE ᑭOᔕT ᗯᗩY EᗩᖇᒪIEᖇ TᕼᗩT ᔕOᗰETᕼIᑎG ᗯᗩᔕ ᔕᑌᔕᑭIᑕOᑌᔕ ᗩᗷOᑌT YOᑌᖇ ᑭᗩᔕT ᗰEᗰᗷEᖇᔕ,ᗯᕼEᑎ TᕼEY ᒍᑌᔕT ᑭOᔕTEᗪ ᗯᕼEᑎ ᗯE GOT ᗩᗷOᑌT 200 ᗰEᗰᗷEᖇᔕ,ᗩᑎᗪ ᔕO TᕼEY ᒪEᖴT ᗩGᗩIᑎ ᒪIKE TᕼE ᗯIᑎᗪ.TᕼEᑎ ᗯE GOT ᖇᗩᕼᖇ.ᕼE ᗯᗩᔕ ᑎIᑕE,ᗷᑌT ᖴOᖇ ᗩᗷOᑌT ᗩ ᗰOᑎTᕼ ᕼE ᒪEᖴT,Iᗰ ᔕᑌᖇE ITᔕ ᑎOT ᕼIᔕ ᖴᗩᑌᒪT.ᗩᑎᗪ ᑎOᗯ ᗯE ᗩᖇE ᕼEᖇE ᗯITᕼ ᑎOᗷOᗪY TE᙭TIᑎG.ᗯᕼᗩT ᗪIᗪ TᕼIᔕ ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ ᑕOᗰE TOᒍEᔕᑌᔕ77755 ᗩᖇE YOᑌ ᗩᒪIᐯEIᖴ YOᑌ ᗩᖇE ᑭᒪEᗩᔕE ᖇEᔕᑭOᑎᗪ.ᔕO TᕼᗩTᔕ IT.IT ᗯIᒪᒪ ᗷE ᕼᗩᖇᗪ ᑌᑎᗪEᖇᔕTᗩᑎᗪIᑎG ᗰE.ᗩᑎᗪ Iᗰ ᔕOᖇᖇY ᖴOᖇ ᑎOT ᑭOᔕTIᑎG.”

Original post has been converted to a custom font to prevent being found on any search engine. Interpret this post at your own sake.

Reading this at the time, gave me a sense of encouragement from my members, especially this post. The thread got a lot of replies too, one of which was my faithful friend ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 at the time. Of course, at the time, I was grounded, and it wouldn’t be until October of 2013, when I would be off of being grounded, so I kept moving on.

Shortly after reading this post, I made a thread quickly as ever, which was titled, “A Huge Apology To My Members!”. I tried to explain the situation at the time and do it quick as possible before my dad would be back to check his laptop, and so, on July 26th of 2013, this post read as follows,

“ᔕOᖇᖇY, Iᖴ I ᕼᗩᐯEᑎ'T ᗷEEᑎ ᗩᑕTIᐯE ᒪᗩTEᒪY. IT'ᔕ ᗷEᑕᗩᑌᔕE I ᗯᗩᔕ GᖇOᑌᑎᗪEᗪ, ᑭᒪᑌᔕ... I ᕼᗩᗪ ᗷᑌᔕY TᕼIᑎGᔕ TO ᗪO Oᑎ TᕼE ᗪᗩIᒪY ᗷᗩᔕIᔕ, ᗷᑌT I ᑕᗩᗰE ᗷᗩᑕK TO TᕼIᔕ ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ Oᑎ ᔕOᗰEOᑎE'ᔕ ᑕOᗰᑭᑌTEᖇ, ᗷEᑕᗩᑌᔕE I'ᗰ ᗷOᖇᖇOᗯIᑎG IT ᖇIGᕼT ᑎOᗯ ᗩᑎᗪ ᖇEᗩᒪIᘔEᗪ TᕼᗩT YOᑌ GᑌYᔕ TᕼᗩT ᑭOᔕTEᗪ Oᑎ ᗰY ᔕᗰᗷ᙭ ᑭᖇOᒍEᑕT, TᕼE TᗩᒪEᔕ Oᖴ TᕼE EᐯIᒪ TᗯIᑎᔕ, ᗩᑎᗪ I ᖇEᗩᒪIᘔEᗪ IT GOT ᔕOᗰE GOOᗪ ᑕOᗰᑭᒪIᗰEᑎTᔕ. I ᗯᗩᑎT TO TᕼᗩᑎK YOᑌ GᑌYᔕ ᐯEᖇY ᗰᑌᑕᕼ TᕼE EᑎᑕOᑌᖇᗩGEᗰEᑎT TᕼᗩT YOᑌ ᑭᑌT IᑎTO ᗰY ᑭᖇOᒍEᑕT, TᕼᗩT ᗰᗩKEᔕ ᗰE ᗯᗩᑎT TO ᑕOᑎTIᑎᑌE, ᗷEᑕᗩᑌᔕE I ᗯᗩᔕ ᔕO ᑕᒪOᔕE TO GIᐯIᑎG ᑌᑭ. ᗰE ᗷEIᑎG GᖇOᑌᑎᗪEᗪ ᗯIᒪᒪ ᗷE ᗩᗷOᑌT ᗩ ᖴEᗯ ᗰOᑎTᕼᔕ Oᖇ ᗩ ᗯᕼIᒪE, ᔕO KEEᑭ ᑕᕼEEᖇIᑎG ᖴOᖇ ᗰE Oᑎ TᕼE ᑭᖇOᒍEᑕT ᔕO I ᑕᗩᑎ ᑕOᑎTIᑎᑌE ᗯᕼIᒪE I'ᗰ GOᑎE, OKᗩY .

I ᗯIᒪᒪ ᑭᑌT TᕼIᔕ TOᑭIᑕ Iᑎ TᕼE ᖇEᑕYᑕᒪE ᗷIᑎ ᑕᗩTEGOᖇY, ᗯᕼEᑎ I'ᗰ Oᖴᖴ ᗰY ᑭᑌᑎIᔕᕼᗰEᑎT ”

Original post has been converted to a custom font to prevent being found on any search engine. Interpret this post at your own sake.

After posting this, I then went back to doing my own thing waiting for the days to tick down until my eventual release. Not much else is remembered between that moment and days to come, however It wouldn’t be until October of 2013, when I would finally be ungrounded and I would be able to have my desktop back after so many torturous months of depravity and boredom. This was a huge sigh of relief. I woke up from my bed, the day that I was supposed to get back my PC, and I went to my parents room as they granted that I can have my computer back. I retrieved it from the car trunk and the rest was history. Right? You are actually mistaken.

You see, as soon as I got my PC back, I immediately went back to my forum to check on my members, eager to see the new posts that everyone had made. I thought to myself at that moment, thinking whether a new member had signed up, if someone made any new posts, etc. I eagerly went to the URL bar on my Google Chrome browser, my heart racing as I was typing the URL in the search bar, as my excited heart was typing through my fingers and then it hit enter. I looked on the forum and looked at the left side of the screen where all the notification boxes were, to see if any new posts had come in, and… And? Nobody has posted on the forum… Yes. That’s right. Not a single person had posted on the forum. No new members either, it was just as where I last left it… In ruin, a ghost town. I was of course, disappointed that no one had come back to make any posts on my forum so eventually, I just lost all hope of my forum for good, and seeing that no one came back on my forum to post was a huge disappointment for me, so again… I went back to watching TF2 YouTube videos and this chain of events would go on for a while.

It was around seven in the evening, I was sitting at my computer, four days in after getting my PC, enjoying myself and the last thing I remember was listening to some military marches, specifically the “George Washington Post March” by John Phillip Sousa. As I was sitting at my chair, wearing my headphones, being patriotic over the whole song, and tapping my fingers at my desk, the next thing I know, this happens.

“BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP”

It was my friend. It was Gilly… I then remembered vividly, that I did play Terraria, a game that I got a while back, just to check up on how my PC was doing, and little did I know, playing steam games on your computer would notify that your friends that you are online, as their Steam profile picture would appear on the bottom right of the computer screen with your username and a caption stating that you are online; so assumingly, my friend notified me after my session with playing Terraria for a short while and he came on Steam to chat with me.

I was angrily surprised when I saw the bombardment of messages popping up on screen. Gilly had sent me chat messages galore. Now I don’t know why I felt this way, and to this day I still don’t know why I reacted this way; if I did this out of instinct or what, maybe I didn’t want to be interrupted. So of course, I set my anger aside and greeted him, and something was different this time. Instead of inviting me to TF2 servers and voice chatting with me there, instead he started chatting with me via the Steam chat box. I didn’t know about this feature at the time, so seeing this was new to me.

I went on there and greeted him, saying hello and I was sitting at my desk, frantically waiting for a response from him as I had been deprived of interacting with him due to how long I had been grounded. I hesitantly started voice chatting with him, mostly due to the fact that my parents had to be in the same room I was in. I waited for them to leave and then I would do small talk with him with my microphone headphones. Unfortunately my mom had to walk in to get something in the middle of my conversation, not even just open the door to get something, but literally had to TALK as she opened the door. Of course, my friend typed something in the chat asking who that was. Luckily, to voice chat, you have to hold down a key on your keyboard, which came in really handy, because you wouldn’t want to microphone to be on the whole time you’re chatting, making this a walkie-talkie like feature. Now you understand why I fucking hated the idea of having a computer in the living room, it’s a stupid fucking idea.

So I was continuously chatting with Gilly, and it seems like the man won’t give me a break. He would literally appear online as SOON as you logged onto fucking steam, it doesn’t matter what it is, he’s that desperate to chat. So of course, we were chatting and then I suddenly mentioned Mario games and how I like to play them, and for some reason he just doesn’t like Mario, which is understandable, many gamers nowadays are very uncultured, so it’s unsurprising. So I was browsing the Steam store, looking through some games to add on my wish list as I was chatting with him, and I brought up how surprising it was that Angry Birds of all games is on the steam store, and he literally responded to me, saying,

“I swear to God, if you say Angry Birds one more time”

Of course, I took this as a joke at the moment, but I could already feel the tone shifting in him, as this wasn’t the Gilly I once knew. I hesitated for a minute and then I went back to chatting with him, however as he was voice chatting with me, it seems as if he was typing some weird, creepy messages as time went by. He began to type in all caps, basically some nonsensical ramblings that some deranged mental patient would say. During our voice chatting session, I began to hear some disgruntled voice from an older man in the background, presumably his dad, and he sounded angry. I began to wonder if this kid was being abused or even a kidnapped victim at this point. Now this is where the lines may have been blurred, as I can’t recall what happened after this incident, so this might not be an accurate recollection of the entire situation, so take all of this with a grain of salt.

I then asked if we would like to play TF2 and he undoubtedly agreed, so we went on a TF2 server, and we played on it for about 30 minutes. I don’t remember what map it was or anything, I just happen to remember that we were playing on that server for 30 minutes. For some reason however, I just didn’t have that Team Fortress 2 blood in me as I used to in the past, as I have been deprived for so many months, so my play time with Gilly began to get shorter and shorter as time went by.

Barely reaching the 48-hour period, my friend and I were still chatting with each other, and every time I talked to him, I felt like his words were holding a gun up to my head. He began to sound more demanding, talking like someone had just waken up in the morning, and didn't want to be bothered. But then I noticed something else had changed... I noticed that his voice was deeper at the moment. He had simply hit puberty, as most people do. I asked him how he did it, as the concept of puberty was foreign to me at the time (yeah, I know. Shocker), and my voice hadn’t cracked yet. He said that my voice sounds deep as well, and he admitted that I sound like I’m in my 20s, but I just didn’t see it as that. So our discussion continued until I asked him,

“Have you seen the news lately? [unrecalled memories] happened”

He responded with no, as he doesn’t watch the news and stated something that was so stupid, and it goes to show how out of touch this kid really was. He said that if watch the news, then you are not a gamer. Hearing this, I thought it was a stupid statement. Yes I know that there are politics involved, but you have to watch to news to know what’s going on in the world, if you want to keep up to date with current events and current discussions among your peers. So awkward breaths and pauses ensued, as we were sitting behind our keyboards, waiting for the next words to be uttered out of our fingers. At that point, it began to turn into a game of shadow box from the TV Show, The Electric Company.

I then said that I had to go, as I was busy with my homework at the time and it was getting really late at night. He then “complied” and I appeared offline. While this guy went back to playing whatever game he was playing, I went back to doing my homework, and I finished it within an hour. Shortly after, my mom came in my room and she sat down where I was sitting to have a brief talk with me about my supposed friend online, warning me about the dangers of interacting with people online. I took this very lightly, as I thought she was spewing parental nonsense, however this would very soon, come to bite me in the ass. I thought nothing of my friend at the time, as I thought that he would leave me alone and that he would understand the value that I have as a student, and their right to do their schoolwork when need be. However, this didn’t phase Gilly.

Shortly after, I began to open up the SMBX level editor, as I thought about finishing TTOTET (The Tales of the Evil Twins), due to my hiatus on the project since the project has been long overdue at that point, so I wanted to make up for it. I wanted to properly finish the airship level that I had been working on, however this didn’t go over too well. I was sitting at my desk, hoping for never coming ideas to settle in before eventually scraping the level altogether. I closed the SMBX level editor and to treat myself for once, I opened up Home, an indie title that I had bought for 99 cents at the time, a horror game to be specific. I played the game to get my mind off of the stress that I was going through that day, however my absence of focus and the psychological process of figuring out the puzzles in the game was apparent, so I just exited out of the game and decided to go and watch some YouTube videos. That is when I heard that same noise as before,

“BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP”

“Oh my fucking God”, I thought to myself.

“This cunt didn’t fucking listen, did he?”

I was fucking annoyed, no scratch that, I was fucking furious at that moment. I just wanted my fucking 24 hours of fucking peace and serenity for once. I began to confront Gilly, as I saw that infuriating emerging submerged underwater skull profile picture in the bottom right, being encased in a green glow, I responded aggressively. I then realized that my mom, was right… He was being, a nuisance…

I responded, saying the paraphrased following,

“Oh my fucking God, is that all you do is harass me? Because that's all I see you do is stay at your fucking desk all day, asking me to play games with you, when I clearly told you that I’m fucking busy. Why can’t you fucking understand that I’m busy, I told you a few hours ago that I didn’t want to be bothered and as soon as I OPENED STEAM for one fucking minute, you honestly thought that I had the fucking time to play with you!?”

He began to make cocky responses to my replies, saying things like maybe he doesn’t feel like getting off of the desk to stretch his arms for a while. At this point, I began to feel sorry for him, seeing the true monster unraveling itself right before my eyes. I then asked, “What do you want from me?”.

He responded with this distasteful reply,

“Maybe I want to lay next to you in bed?”

Reading this is when the levels of fear went through the roof, red flags were being seen everywhere from this guy, and he was waving it vigorously; I then responded,

“You are a sick person, you know that. Well, guess what, not in a million years buddy, and also, guess what? You’re blocked!”

Shortly after, I went to his profile and clicked on the arrow next to his profile picture and blocked him, never to be seen again. I even Googled his name, and looking at his profile, he had around 35-40 friends during that time, and I immediately began to feel sorry for all those unfortunate souls who obliged to become this sad sack of shit’s friend. God rest those poor, unfortunate, souls… And so, the Gilly story-arc has finally come to a close, only for time to tell, as a certain tyrant had been under my nose for a very long while in the process of doing so...

Chapter 17: A New Year, A New Me

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Not much is remembered about 2013 after the events of Gilly, other than the fact that when my birthday came around the corner, just a couple weeks after that incident, I had finally got a new graphics card. Now a quick back story, my Windows 7 PC was slow. Very slow. The games ran very poorly on the PC, even SMBX, thinking that the move from Vista to 7 would be faster right? No, the fucking framerate would hiccup every few seconds or so, so eventually that was another thing that was putting my projects to a halt. So when my birthday came around, I finally got a new graphics card and I was able to play my childhood games that I wasn’t able to play before. These games were around 2005, one of the games being LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga.

This birthday was the best, because every game that I had owned in the past, I was able to play it now. It was even powerful enough to run some of the Steam games that I had owned, most of them being 3D games. Of course, Terraria ran super smooth, TF2 was still kind of laggy, but it was still tolerable, but the worst game that performed on my PC was Gotham City Imposters. Now granted, I was one of those F2P dudes, as I of course didn’t have the money to buy those games, so when I wanted to play Gotham City Imposters, the game performed so fucking poorly. I tried the game before I got my new GFX Card, and of course the game ran slow, but even when I got my GFX card, the game was still fucking slow. The framerate was so low that the game began to sustain the sound, running at two frames at this point, that’s how low the fucking framerate for that game was. So eventually, the game was just collecting dust in my steam library, never to be touched in years.

Other than that, the GFX card was very good, it opened new doors to games I never had the chance to play in the past. Home, the horror game that I told you about, ran pretty slow, not lagging, but around the 30 FPS mark, but now, the game runs so fast with ease. Another game that I wanted to play, but never bought it until now was Mafia 2. The game ran very slow, but not painfully slow as Gotham City Imposters, but still like around 20 FPS slow. So, not every game was able to perform well on my PC, except for the LEGO games. Yeah, of all the 3D games that I had in my library, surprisingly the LEGO games ran fine on my PC, some of them playing mostly in the 50-60 FPS range. This is a surprise, because you would think that the LEGO games, especially the later ones would run very slow, because of the very detailed shading, backgrounds, advanced mipmaps, motion blur, and anti-aliasing, but no, the games ran very well, which is why I got LEGO Batman 2: DC Superheroes for Christmas. Around this time, I was really into Batman, and I prior to Christmas, I watched Batman (1989) which was directed by Tim Burton. The movie in my eyes is still the best Batman movie to me, even though it can be cheesy at times, as many of those people would argue, the movie is a favorite of mine because it really has that dark atmosphere. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the Dark Knight trilogy, and many will agree that the Dark Knight is the best out of all of the three, but this movie has a special place in my heart.

So when December 25th rolled around, I got what I wanted and perfectly enough, Steam was going through a winter sale, meaning that instead of the game costing $19.99, the game went down to $4.99! My parents bought the game, and I was so happy, as I spent hours on it, playing through the story and I had so much fun playing the game. I had so much fun that I sat at my chair for hours on end, even eating very little of the Christmas food at the time, that’s how much I wanted to play the game. Now that I got older, looking back on it the game is “okay”. It’s just a LEGO game, but back then, and seeing that I finally got to play the newer LEGO games, this game kept me playing the missions over and over again, and the fact that there was an open world where you can explore the city of Gotham and unlock new characters, it opened new doors for prolonged gameplay of the game. In a way, it felt like a GTA game, because even though I didn’t have Mafia 2, this game was the closest thing for me to play at that time, to that game.

2014 had finally rolled around, and to be honest, 2013 was indeed a forgettable year, or it would’ve been, had it not been for that pesky “Gilly”, who was a fucking nuisance. I was finishing LEGO Batman 2, completing the game, getting all of the gold bricks as there were 250 of them scattered around the map. It was around January 1st or 2nd when it happened, I put in about 300 hours into the game, unlocking every brick, finding new unlockable characters, unlocking many villains of the game, one of my favorites being Two-Face, and unlocking new vehicles and there it was… I was at gold brick 249, I had one more brick to go, and it was the bonus level. Now, if you don’t know about these levels, LEGO games has a running theme where if you complete all the missions and get all the gold bricks in most of those games, which is by collecting all the minikits (in layman terms, basically a collectathon game) and red bricks (unlocking extras and cheat codes), you’ll be able to play the bonus level of the game. In this game, you have to collect one million LEGO studs (in game currency) in order to complete the bonus level.

So being my happy 14 year old self, I went in the bonus level and was so close to completing the game, getting a 100%. This wasn’t the first time attempting to get 100% in a LEGO game, when I had LEGO Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy (yes, that was a game, and an underrated one at that), you had to complete several Super Stories, meaning you have to collect 100,000 studs and complete all six missions within each episode under an hour before the time runs out. I was able to complete A New Hope, and Empire Strikes Back, however for the fucking life of me, I cannot complete Return of the Jedi! The game gives you few studs to collect and for some fucking reason, the levels are so fucking long, especially the fucking endor level, with the speeder level and the echo base level, where you have to go through a huge long map, taking out AT-ST walkers, and at the end of the level, going inside of the base, you have to go through four rooms to shut down the power signal for the Star Destroyers, eating away at your time within minutes! And you expect the fucking player to get 100,000 studs, AND BEAT THESE LONG ASS LEVELS WITHIN A FUCKING HOUR!? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE!? Bottomline, that game has haunted me to this day, and I never completed it ever since, forever haunting my subconscious for days to come.

So I did not want to repeat the same regrettable decision in LEGO Batman 2, and I wanted to finish the bonus level this time, however one problem. The fucking bonus level was so hard, and you wanna guess why it was so hard? So you remember when I said you have to collect 1,000,000 studs? Well, that is easier said than done, as you are thrown into a huge map, and you have to destroy every obstacle on that map, however it’s so spaced out, you have to fucking guess which obstacles are breakable and which ones are not. There are some objects that are breakable, other objects being indestructible, meaning that if you are around 900,000 studs and don’t know where else to look, after you’ve been exploring the map for fucking hours, then you’re fucked. I used to be good at these kind of bonus levels, but for some reason now, I just don’t know how to complete it. Eventually I looked up a tutorial guide on how to finish the level, but seeing as it’s a “tutorial”, I would have to pause the video for every fucking stud that he breaks, and for 10 minutes at that, I did not feel like going through that shit, so I just left the game as was, the 99% file completion forever taunting me, just like what LEGO Star Wars II did, it was very disappointing. Very disappointing indeed.

It was around the 6th of January, and I didn’t want to spoil myself at that time as I was at 99% and I wanted to surprise myself to see what would happen when you reach 100%. Well, this day would cut that short, as I lost the patience and just said,

“You know what, I wonder what would’ve happened if I did get 100% of that game”

And so I did. I mustered the strength to go to my web browser, and went to my favorite, trusty video embedding site YouTube, and looked up what happens when you get 100% of LEGO Batman 2, and then I clicked on the video… I was furiously fucking disappointed! Come to find out, the fucking game rewards you with an unlockable character, which is fine if you’re going to do that, but not just any unlockable character, but the most fucking useless character in of all fucking existance… Fucking Supergirl…

After all the fucking hours that I have put into this fucking game, the fucking time and effort I went into searching for fucking studs on hours on fucking end, the fucking game rewards you with the most fucking useless character in fucking existance! A fucking Superman clone! Are you motherfucking kidding me motherfucker!? What the fuck is this! Couldn’t the developers had come up with something better than just fucking Supergirl!? It could’ve been a side character you would’ve unlocked while playing through the game, NOT A FUCKING ENDGAME CHARACTER!? You could’ve chosen a better character than this fucking cunt! You could’ve chosen Martian Manhunter as he seems to be the leader of this whole Justice League thing and it would’ve made sense, or at least make Brainiac the last character since the game was teasing him to be put into the next game, which would make sense as the character would showcase his abilities and it would’ve been a sneak peak for LEGO Batman 3! No, instead, we got a fucking useless, blonde, slut, cum-dumpster of a fucking bitch as the last fucking character instead! You might as well make Aquaman the last unlockable character at this fucking point.

But even then, why make it an unlockable character at all, can’t you come up with something better than that!? Yes, an unlockable character would be nice, but like, I don’t know, make the sky rain studs or every time you run, you automatically gain more studs, I don’t know, something that’s more credible than this weak, pathetic excuse of a fucking character. Well anyways, I’m done rambling, I’ve gone long enough, this game basically wasted my entire fucking time and my fucking life, only for Tt Games to troll me in the end. Fuck you Tt Games!

So after my few seconds of disappointment, I went back to my game as usual, and even though I was disappointed, that didn’t stop me from playing LEGO Batman 2, as I was trying new characters, exploring more maps, and over time I began to find glitches as well. Yeah, this fucking game was glitchy as all fuck. The levels weren’t glitchy however, but the overworld map was so glitchy, and there were times were I even clipped through the fucking floor into the endless sea of 3D models and assets. At this point, I started to realize that Tt Games basically rushed this game, half-assing everything in the process, just so they can get their hands on that fucking moolah.

But that wasn’t the worst thing about this game, sometimes the game would fucking crash, like are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, if I play more than 2 hours on the game, the game would freeze and exit out of the fucking game, losing all my fucking progress, which is fucking great. So not only you have shitty characters, shitty game mechanics, disappointing endgame items, and a glitchy world map, there’s this fucking shit as well? Then something happened… Something that was worse than this fucking shit all together.

If I remember correctly, it was January 7th, I just finished my homework and I was sitting down at my desk, enjoying my game, and exploring the world map, beating up goons and more enemies with my favorite characters, and flying around as Superman, witnessing the beauty that the world has to offer. Then I would go to the zoo in the city, and ride on the animals there, while at the same time beating up multiple goons in that city. I remember running around, having so much fun, while the room was dimly lit, just between me and the screen displaying the limited framerate of the world map, as I was having so much fun. Eventually, my two hours of fun began to wear off, and I began to feel sleepy, tired as usual. I’ve been playing for a long time, so I decided to pause the game and go to the “Exit to Main Menu” option, and then when I was presented with the title screen of the game, I then hovered the selector over the, “Exit to Windows” option and then hit select with my Xbox 360 Controller, and then something tragic happened… Something that will cause me another 10 months of suffering, it was as if history began to repeat itself again…

The entire PC froze, and then was presented with the sound of the title screen music being frozen as well, sustaining itself for what I believed at the moment, to be five minutes. There was nothing I could do, I tried pressing Alt+Tab, nothing happened, I tried Ctrl+Alt+Del, nothing happened. I was fucked. So I just sat there, hoping that things would resolve itself, but after another 10 minutes had passed, nothing happened, it was just the same noise over and over again. I then did the last thing that anyone in this situation would do and that would be to turn off my computer and then turn it back on again. I sat there, heart and mind racing, at the edge of my seat, my elbows hugging the edge of my desk, hoping that the PC would work properly again. I was then presented with the COMPAQ logo, and then it asked me if you want to resume Windows, and then…? Nothing. The screen was pure black. I sat there for what was merely two or more minutes.

I turned it off again and turned it back on, watching the COMPAQ logo popping up again, going through the “Start Windows Normally” button, and then? Nothing. At that point, I had realized my Windows 7 was dead, and I had just lost all hope from there on. And so, I would go on to live through this nightmare for 10 more fucking months, hooray. Just like old times right? Well, not really. Even though what had happened was such a tragedy, there was something else that I would grow to get into instead as a way of coping with the loss of my PC... You see, there was something I have been really into during those agonizing times, and that something was called… Anime.

Now, if you don’t know, my family were getting into Roku back in 2012. It was a new thing at the time and this would start the booming trend of other TV streaming devices as well such as Amazon TV, and Chromecast. So around 2013, I don’t remember when or why, but my parents suddenly gave me their Roku device to me as a gift. I didn’t have much use out of it other than the fact that I had Netflix on it, as it was the only thing I could watch on there.

Now, heads up, I was no stranger to anime. In fact, I’ve had a love/hate relationship history with anime, mostly due to the fucking toxicity within the fucking community, but we’ll get into that in a moment. I don’t know if I mentioned this story in my blog here, but if you want to find out more about this story (as I’m not going to discuss it here), then read the blog episode on this site called, “The Hatred of Anime Continues”. But to make it short, my love started with Naruto in 2010, then Rosario Vampire and Sora no Otoshimono in 2012, and then this is where we are now.

My Roku device had a plethora of apps that I didn’t give a shit about, such as iHeart Radio, Pandora, Hulu, etc., as most of them were subscription services and the idea of watching ads every two minutes made me shiver both psychologically and physically. That is when I got bored and was surfing for interesting things to watch on the TV through the apps that it had to offer back in 2013. This was two days after I was grounded for six months if you don’t remember, so me surfing on my Roku was (if I forgot to mention) also my choice of leisure time for me as my computer like I said was confiscated and all my belongings were donated to the Goodwill (A thrift store for those who don’t live in the States). Well anyways, I was browsing some apps to download on my Roku as I was bored and didn't know what else to do at the time.At that time, for those who didn't know, I was really into classic movies at the time, so of course I downloaded most of those movie buff apps for me to binge watch movies to kill the time, however there was one app that caught my eye... One app, that would be my personal Chekhlov’s Gun. Crunchyroll…

This orange bastard of a channel caught my interest and I decidedly downloaded the app of course, but thought nothing of it and just downloaded it in case I was that fucking bored to degrade myself so low enough to watch that jap trash, and it would've become my last resort to treating my agonizing boredom. That sadly would eventually become the case in 2014 when I was sitting in my room and decided to watch some anime, because karma had to be a dick by tormenting me with 10 more months of depravity, so what other means would I stoop down low to?

The very first anime that I watched of that year, was Sakurasou no Pet na Kanojo. I looked at the title and seeing the cover of this anime on the app at the time, I said to myself that it’s probably going to be as boring as Hoshizora e Kakaru Hashi. Now, just to sidetrack, Hoshizora was actually the very first anime I watched on Crunchyroll. The VERY FIRST one back in 2012 and let me tell you, even though I finished it in 2014, this fucking anime was boring as fucking shit. Like literally, episode after episode was like the equivalent of watching paint dry. Literally the entire show was like,

“What should we do?”

“We should do this!”

“Oh, okay! Let’s go do that”

“What should we do now?”

“OH, WE SHOULD DO THIS THING”

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THAT’S FUCKING GENIUS”

“OH, WE SHOULD HAVE A FUCKING TUG OF WAR FOR SOME REASON TO PROVE YOUR MANLYHOOD IN FRONT OF A GIRL YOU WANT TO IMPRESS WITH HER FATHER!”

“BRILLIANT FUCKING IDEA”

Bottom line, it’s boring…

Well, anyways, the first anime I started binge watching (because I had nothing better to do) was the aforementioned, Sakurasou no Pet na Kanojo and holy shit… When I say this anime was fun to watch, it was actually fucking fun to watch.

I remember sitting in my bed, being already depraved of my once beloved PC, and watching the first episode of the show really had me hooked for some reason. I don’t know why, but something about the first episode intrigued me. Like the relatable characters, the building tension between characters, and the comedy which had me chuckling a few times here and there. Granted, all of those things that I just mentioned are usually common tropes in slice of life animes, but to me, this was something new to me and at that time, I haven’t felt so attached to something fictional ever since I watched the movie Wall-E.

Episode after episode, I kept wanting more. The main character aspiring to be a game developer, just like how I wanted to become one myself, and seeing that kind of plot being built on right there, I can instantly relate to the character, and it really gets you thinking. The red eyed autistic girl (her name is Shina I think) from England who lives like a slob, her room being borderline Erica Hartmann from Strike Witches levels of messy, who has an incredible skill at painting pictures and ends up crushing everyone’s dreams and desires by taking them one by one, even getting hired by the same game company that the main character wanted to get in, it really gets you thinking... Deeply.... However, and I don’t mean to spoil it, but knowing the fact that this is coming from an ex-anime fan and how I don’t give a shit about it anymore, the fucking last episode of the show actually had me in tears. As I watched on, seeing the speech given at hand on my old, dustry CRT TV screen sitting atop my old dusty furniture in my messy room, it really hit me hard. Really. Fucking. Hard…

At this moment, I was fucking attached to anime, and I began to watch more and more of them. To me, even though I fucking hate anime now (which I’ll get into a few paragraphs later on), this took me out of the dark ages in my life, which was 2013. Even though 2014 wasn’t any better, considering the fact that my PC fucking died (thanks karma) on me, during this time I began to have hope again and I was binge watching anime throughout my summer of 2014, enjoying it to it’s full glory.

I remember ordering pizza with my hard earned allowance, and watching my favorite anime shows in the comfort of my own room, and at this point, I didn’t give a shit, I was having a good time. Granted, I don’t know all the names of the shows that I watched, however I was browsing on YouTube one day and I saw a meme-y video at the time about the Steam summer sale. I clicked on it, sitting at my desk, curiously wanting to see what it’s all about and of course, it was an anime video. The video was about this teenage anime male protagonist in like this tan/beige, mid-waist high jacket and also wearing pants and boots, while all the other characters wore the same thing, as they all stood atop this like huge wall that surrounded this big city that they are, i'm assuming fighting for, protecting it. He began to talk about (of course, in fake subtitles) how he has been saving so much money for the games that he wanted to buy from Steam and that nothing could possibly go wrong.

All of a sudden, a giant face of Gabe Newell popped up in the background of the character, and then what follows were JPEGs of Steam percent off sale icons being thwarted towards the character, as everyone were being pushed off the wall and falling which I presumably thought to their deaths. I just brushed this off as one of those shounen animes, a genre that I was not particularly into at the time. I began reading the comments and of course, the usually meme-y stuff, joking about Steam summer sales and the like - until I read a comment asking for the name of the anime that was shown in the video. Now, if you didn't know, anime was still pretty small back then (and I wish that abomination would stay that way), so seeing this comment back then was seen as normal question, not a satirical one. The reply to that comment was, and of course... Attack on Titan.

Of course, I wasn’t into the anime still at the time, but it was interesting to at least know what the name of the show was, however as usual, I went back to my favorite slice of life shows. At this time, I also began binge watching anime reviewers as well on Youtube, and let me tell you, I put so many fucking hours on my fucking phone binge watching these videos. I was watching reviews from popular YouTubers at the time such as forneverworld, Chibi Reviews, GRAkada, and etc. To this day, my personal YouTube account is fucking plagued with hundreds, if not thousands of fucking anime related videos that is in my favorites folder, its insane. When I wasn’t watching anime, I was fucking watching reviews and reading Manga, even to the point where I'd began to dine at Japanese restaurants. I was becoming an Otaku already...

So I was browsing YouTube just as any other bored 14 year old teenager would, and I wanted to watch other slice of life animes that were just as good as Sakurasou. I watched a funny moments compilation of animes, most of them being slice-of-life ones in the video, which is what I wanted at the time and one of them that I saw in the video was the show Little Busters. Right off the bat, just from the clip that I fucking saw, it looked like it could be another deadly hilarious show that I could watch to quench that thirst for the show that would be similar to the previous one that I had viewed. It was fucking hilarious and it felt like Sakurasou all over again. I went on Crunchyroll and lo and behold, there were two seasons available to watch. I didn’t stall any longer and began to watch the first episode. Fun fact, I realized that this anime was made by the same studio who also made Sakurasou, which is interesting.... As I watched the first episode, just as expected, it was fucking hilarious.

I’m not kidding, I actually bursted out laughing watching this anime. Of course, I don’t remember the names of these characters, other than the fact that the red haired guy’s name is Kyousuke who seems to be the leader of these friends. The main character is an interesting one as well as he tends to suffer from Narcolepsy and would eventually black out, giving hinderance to the main character. This is an interesting take, and I like the challenge that they gave this character, letting you know that characters has flaws. Throughout this anime, the fucking show starts to become dark. I mean really fucking dark. Almost like Shuffle/Clannad levels of dark.

About four episodes in, the characters would become more aggravated, letting their inner demons get the best of them, most of them resulting in facing the consequences. This anime has its happy moments and its little sad moments now and then, but then when season 2 came, holy fucking shit, the show gets even darker from there! More tension is being built, more conflict between the characters, some characters that we would never think of acting such a way before, and the show just flips the table on all of that, subverting expectations (in a good way I mean, not the Rian Johnson type of way). However, it isn’t until I reached the last episode of season 2 where you realize everyone is dead, and I’m not fucking kidding, the scene where the main character and presumably his girlfriend play baseball for one last time, the final chapter to their friendship, something that has always been practiced ever since childhood, and seeing the fact that everyone dies at the end, I FUCKING CRIED. I’M NOT FUCKING KIDDING OKAY, THIS IS AN HONEST RESPONSE FROM ME, BUT I LITERALLY FUCKING TEARED UP IN MY FUCKING BED AND I STARTED FUCKING BREAKING DOWN CRYING! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

I’m not kidding, I thought Angel Beats was infamous for that “one” scene in that show that was tearjerking, but this fucking show takes it one step further. The fucking characters, the fucking conflict, and how I can relate with them made me choke on my own fucking tears. I have never cried from watching a show/movie/game, and when I do, it’s usually a little bit of water in my eye, however the hardest I’ve ever cried in my entire life was the, “I could’ve done more” scene in Schindler’s List. This anime however, was the closest fucking thing to that. When the episode was over, as the scrolling credits reflected off my tear laced eyes, I sat there, feeling empty, as I recollected all the things that went on in my life, leading up until this point in my life, and at this moment, I got really emotional... What a damn shooting star of a feeling that was...

Chapter 18: Never Meet Your Heroes

Back to Table of Contents

During my splurging of watching anime, which was something that I feel has taken away so much time in my life, I was browsing on Netflix checking to see which animes to watch, mostly due to the fact that I was into dubs at the time, and I prefer watching things in my native language, rather than looking down at the bottom of the fucking screen missing out on what's going on visually. I was browsing through Netflix on my Roku, seeing what shows to watch, and seeing that most of them were shows that I had already watched, I saw an anime that I instantly remembered hearing about a few weeks prior. Attack on Titan.

Knowing the huge popularity that the show was at the time and that everyone wouldn’t shut up about it, I decide to give it a watch for once. I watched the first episode, and right away, the anime opens up with guys on horses in the rain, surrounding this giant human thing and then grappling around it, flying like Spiderman, or should I say, Spidermen, and then right when the guy is about to charge at the nape of the neck, the scene cuts to the main character, and for once, I actually know the names of the characters. The main character is Eren Jaeger, as he awakens in the middle of a grassy field on Mikasa’s lap. Right away, I noticed that the show was in sub, instead of dub, something that Netflix rarely does, so I had to read the subtitles, because the dubbing of the show wasn’t out at the time.

The first episode was like a very slow rollercoaster. You take a tour around the town with it, as it slowly introduces you to the vast wonderful sceneries, beautiful zoos, and astounding lakes, and more wonders of nature to be seen, and while that’s great and all, you can’t help but think subconsciously in the back of your head,

“When the fuck is the wild ride going the start? Any minute now!?”

And oh boy, that’s what this show is. After meeting our pal Armin Arlert, a few scenes later, a giant skinless human being appears beyond the walls, and then we find out what this anime is about. To put it short, it’s about humans living in seclusion from the giant humans, known as titans, who are trying to eat the humans, but apparently, the giant skinless human got bored one day and wanted to go GTA on the wall, and you already know the rest. Titans get in, they eat people, and then it’s up to the characters to save humanity. Even though the first season dragged on, the show got interesting at times and to this day, I still admire this show, because of the fucking concept that people can be eaten by giant people.

However, for me at this time, seeing this show is what got me into the shounen genre at the time, and I fucking loved it. After finishing the first season and being disappointed that season 2 wouldn’t come until 2016, I began to become fucking obsessed with this fucking show. I was so obsessed with this fucking show, I literally went to my local Barnes and Noble and picked up the first Volume for the manga of the show and I began reading it, reliving the experience of watching this fantastic show at the time, and beyond that, I wanted to also see what happens after season 2 as well!

I read the first chapter on my bed, pleased as usual, as I was reading page after page, and from that point on, I was shortly becoming a manga collector, and I wanted to read more. During this time I was also watching live reactions of Attack on Titan, trying the relive the experience through others who have watched it as well! It was fucking insane, the obsession for this show was fucking insane, and my satisfaction for this show was yet to be quenched. There was an anime reaction channel that I used to love watching; who, sadly, his channel got deleted; named Zote, and for the life of me, I cannot figure out why he removed his channel, but whatever the case, it probably wasn't good... My theory is that it was probably either personal life problems or him getting multiple copyright strikes on his channel. Getting to the subject at hand however, Zote was a funny reaction channel and his reactions to certain scenes were straight up hilarious! Instead of reacting to full episodes, he would like cut out parts of the them and just upload the highlights of the episodes, mostly being like five to seven minutes long per video.

Continuing on about my manga collection, every week, I was spending my allowance on manga books, primarily Attack on Titan, and I was buying two and three volumes at the time, and just binge reading them one after another. I have never read this many books in my life, however Attack on Titan was probably the most I’ve ever read ever since Garfield.

I ordered the second volume from Amazon and I waited patiently, or you could say, impatiently at the time for it to arrive and when I saw the USPS truck drive up to the mailbox from my bedroom window, I was fucking happy and was in joy. As soon as the truck pulled off, I rushed out the front door, sprinting towards the mailbox and opened it. It was the Amazon package of the volume that I ordered. I reached inside and pulled it out and closed the mailbox, walking towards the front door. As I was walking towards the front door however, I felt a very painful pinch under my arm as I was walking inside. I thought nothing of it and brushed it off.

I went back to my room, opened the package and then sat at my bed, my eyes and brain consuming more reading time for my 14 year old self to comprehend, and at this point, I was just eating this shit up. After that point of my interest in the series and my desired consumption of the books, I would continue to order more and more to the point where my bookshelf was being infected by the collection of books at hand.

Shortly after, I bought four volumes of Attack on Titan, those being volumes three, four, five, and six. Granted, they were still being delivered and haven’t arrived yet, I got a request by my dad to get the mail. I of course obliged and went down to get the mail, as I was listening to my favorite YouTube reactor Zote then again, with my Logitech headphones, strolling down the porch towards the mailbox. As I bent over to get the mail, I felt something hairy land on my left temple. “That’s strange”, I said to myself, and as soon as I reached over to grab it, what followed was a searing hot pain in that same area, something that I have never felt in my entire life. What followed were two more painful stings under my left arm, the same area that I felt the pain a week prior. As I looked back in anger and confusion, I was face to face with a huge SWARM of fucking yellow jackets. I’m serious, there were like thirty of them, swarming around the mailbox.

Darting towards the front door, I was screaming “fuck”, “fuck”, and “fuck”, on my way back as I was doing it. I’m serious, this was the most painful thing I’ve ever felt in my entire life, and especially if I have never been stung my a bee, let alone a wasp, this was unexpected. This was a kid who was minding his own business, wanting to enjoy the leisure of spending time with my favorite manga, and these wasps were going to get in the way of that? No fucking way, I wasn’t having that, and so the next day, the supposed delivery date for the books that I have ordered had arrived, and I’ll admit, I feel bad for laughing, but I was looking outside my bedroom window, as usual when it comes to packages, and the USPS truck finally rolled up. I was thinking to myself, how is the mailman going to handle this situation.

As the white truck pulled up to the mailbox, I was watching the events play out. About four minutes in, I saw him reach in his bag of envelopes for the package that I ordered from Amazon, and this is where the funny part happens... As he began to put the package in the mailbox, as expected, the swarm began to fly out and surround this guy. He began to flail his arms vigorously, and a few seconds later, he slid the door close and sped off. I fucking bursted out laughing, and I still am as i'm typing this, and I shouldn’t have, but I did what I have to do. I armed myself with two cans of Raid Wasp Spray, as I walked hesitantly towards the mailbox, both cans in hand. I wait for the right time to strike, and when I saw one of the wasps come out, I went fucking ham. I began spraying lots of fluid galore, and I killed every single one of them for every painful sting that they caused me just so I can get my sweet little revenge on them, one of them even falling to the ground, as I stomped on it, handling the rest. After that incident, the wasps began to fly away, and to this day, they never came back, finally going back peacefully to reading some more manga.

After dealing with the wasps, I inspected the mailbox and noticed that the mailman even left the mailbox open, and I don’t blame him, if I was being bombarded with a swarm of fucking yellow jackets, I’d do the same too. However, it’s because of this incident that made me deadly afraid of wasps to this current day, and everywhere I go (not literally), I always bring a can of wasp spray with me, and kill every fucking wasp I see in sight, just to see how it feels to be a dick, just like they were a dick to me. If wasps are known for being fucking assholes, well I can be an asshole too...

Anyways, continuing on… Volume after volume, I was collecting them over the summer, and I was enjoying myself as usual, to the point where I completed the entire Attack on Titan collection at the time, as the thirteenth or fourteenth volume was the latest one at the time. After a while, my interest in Attack on Titan was starting to die down, after the fact that I watched every single thing Attack on Titan related, and I even watched all the OVA’s as well. I was so much into it at one point, that I even played the Attack on Titan Tribute Game, which was a browser based fangame that ran on unity and holy shit it was fun. I used to join servers, play with friends and we would just slay titans together, but like I said, all of this eventually died down after a while. So I was back to watching other animes that suited my interest, however, because of that show, it got me more into shounen anime and my investment in the genre was very high back then.

While watching my favorite anime reviewers at the time and as usual, devoting my time to it, predominantly on my phone after getting off from school and finishing my homework, I was browsing Netflix on my phone and if you didn’t know, I liked watching Netflix on my phone because the idea of conveniently watching a show on a portable device was mind-blowing to me at the time; I came across another show that also caught my eye, as I often heard about this anime by word of mouth. This one anime was called, Kill La Kill.

Looking at the cover art and the title, it, in a way, reminded me of Kill Bill and I wanted to give it a try since everyone else was talking about it profusely at the time. I gave the first episode a watch, without even reading the synopsis mind you, and… HOLY FUCKING SHIT. This fucking episode blew my fucking balls the fuck off my gonad region, and bouncing back up in my fucking face and then back down on the fucking ground again, before reattaching itself back to my testicle-less fucking dick… WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!

The first fucking episode starts out with a teacher, teaching a generic anime class, yada yada yada, the usual, and then all of a fucking sudden, a fucking door gets kicked through the fucking class room, papers flying all over the place, AND THEN ALL OF A FUCKING SUDDEN A GIANT FUCKING GOLIATH LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER COMES UP AND INTRODUCES HIMSELF! He’s there because a student stole this thing called the Goku uniform, and I don’t know, the guy’s a fan of Dragon Ball Z, so he wants his DBZ merch and animu figures back, so he spots the fucking kid who stole this guy’s uniform and then the fucking guy darts out the fucking classroom.

ALL OF A SUDDEN IT ESCALATES TO THE OUTSIDE OF THE FUCKING COURTROOM OF THE FUCKING SCHOOL AND THEN A PUMMEL DUEL INSUES, THE STUDENT INHERITING THE POWER FROM THE GOKU UNIFORM, AND IT FAILS BECAUSE APPARENTLY THE GOLIATH GUY IS MADE OUT OF FUCKING STEEL, AND HE FUCKING WHIPS THE EVER LIVING SHIT OUT OF THE FUCKING GUY WHO FUCKING UNDERESTIMATED HIM, AND WHEN HE GETS DEFEATED, HE FUCKING GETS STRIPPED FUCKING NAKED! LITERALLY, HE GETS STRIPPED FUCKING NAKED AFTER GETTING HIS ASS WHIPPED, AND THEN HE’S FUCKING PINNED TO THE FUCKING WALL OF THE FUCKING SCHOOL, FUCKING JESUS CHRIST STYLE!

You later learn, this fucking show is a fucking dystopian like society ruled by a school for some reason. So basically the best way to describe it is that this show is what happens if the game River City Ransom was a show, but on fucking crack! But instead, make it where the society is modelled after a North Korean like, fascist society, and also apparently the plot device of this whole show is about making clothes that brainwashes people around the fucking world I guess.

This weird, yet intriguing show was the best fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my entire fucking life, holy fucking, motherfucking, anal-licking, anal-fucking, goat-fucking shit! Like literally, the entire show is about a main girl named Ryuko Matoi who carries a giant broken half of a scissor and fucking beats the shit out of fucking enemies with it.

The mooks in this show are random as fuck for some reason, like, I don’t know how to describe it to you guys. For those of you who played the game Castle Crashers, okay you know how the game has random ass shit in it, like from medieval knights, and then all of a sudden they throw ninjas and samurais in it, and then some levels is a volcano level, and then you have some guy with a toolbox for a head, with a paint-roller in hand? That’s the fucking mooks in this show. It’s random as shit. One episode, you could have a mook that range from weaponized versions of fucking sports, like this one crazy tennis ball lady who uses a fucking tennisball cannon to pummel her opponents, to the other episode being about a league of NFL players starting a war with this Goliath guy. THERE’S EVEN ONE EPISODE WHERE RYUKO AND THE GOLIATH GUY ARE JUST CHILLING, HAVING A FUN TIME TOGETHER IN THIS LIKE PIMP ASS, 70’s LOOKING CADILLAC, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, A BUNCH OF GUYS OUT OF NOWHERE WITH FUCKING MACHINE GUNS JUST PULLS UP AND START SHOOTING THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF THE FUCKING CADILLAC, AND THE CADILLAC IS BULLETPROOF FOR SOME REASON, BLOCKING THE FUCKING BULLETS! Yeah, now that I think about it, this is like the Castle Crashers of anime.

Watching this anime for the first fucking time fucking blew my balls straight off, and I thought to myself, this anime has to be good right? Like seriously, who the fuck doesn’t like ass kicking, lewd girls, with giant scissors, battling each other in like this random as hell environment with random as hell mooks that is akin to Castle Crashers? Well, I opened up the YouTube app as usual, excitedly rushing to see what all my favorite anime reviewers had to say about it, and what was the reception? The show got flack… Lots of flack.

I’m serious. This anime that was being told to me by word of mouth, was apparently not as good as I thought it was. Many of the reviewers said that they didn’t like the show, saying the usual like, fast pacing and lack of character development, which to me is a valid critique, but what really put the nail in the coffin for me was the comments, and yes, I know, I shouldn’t read YouTube comments, since it’s usually unintelligible fucking garbage spewed out of their cum-stained fucking assholes, but back then I didn’t know any better. Most of the comments just simply said that the anime was shit… For no reason. This would become a common trend among various animes that I would come to watch in the future. After doing further research, the common complaint among this anime was this one word. A word that I haven’t heard in a while… Fanservice.

For those who are new to this word as well, fanservice, is not just limited to anime. Fanservice basically means to put something, like a beloved character that has been killed off, either through references or by cameos, to yank the nostalgia chain of those people who love those characters. People often see this as a cheap ploy to get people into that show, and that is through nostalgia. You see this in TV shows and movies. Examples of this would be Disney’s highly reliance on using original trilogy characters in the Star Wars sequels, and Sony’s decision to use classic actors who played in the original Ghostbusters movie in their 2016 reboot, which fans saw as a slap in the face. Now, you may be asking, “How does this apply to anime?”. Well apparently, fanservice in anime is similar, while yes, some animes also follow this type of fanservice as well, there’s the other type of fanservice that is more utilized. Nudity…

You see, many animes, especially slice of life will occasionally show nudity, either via bath scenes, which can, to some, be seen as a tool of storytelling to show vulnerability of the character, or filler scenes like bouncing boobs being show just for the sake of being shown on screen, the male protagonist who gets the shit kicked out of him if they walk into a room of a tsundere changing clothes, or girls doing girl things to each other. This is not necessarily a bad thing and I didn’t mind this sort of thing back then as that’s why it’s called a fucking, “ecchi”… Look it fucking up… Well anyways, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but when you have fucking anime fans complaining about a fucking five second nudity scene that is shown on screen for a brief moment, that isn’t relevant to the fucking plot, then it becomes fucking absurd…

The anime community that I knew and loved was not the same, and this was the beginning of my hatred for anime as it would continue downhill from there. I would go on anime forums as of August of 2014, and as I began to read more and more posts from them, especially MAL (My Anime List), the toxicity of the anime community slowly began to unravel itself in front of my very eyes. I have never seen such horrible acts commited through the form of words in my entire life. Every fucking anime that I fucking loved was being trashed by every fucking user on the fucking forums, not a single person on that site was fucking grateful for once... Anime fans are the most ungrateful people in this fucking world, complaining about minor things that don’t make since. To this day, I still don’t get why people hate Sword Art Online, but for some reason they do. To their credit though, the anime was boring, but all the fucking flaws that were brought up for the show? I just didn’t see it…

More and more people began to complain about anime, specifically the fanservice, to the fucking people where they want to fucking censor the thing all together, and it fucking baffled me at the time, because people were okay with fanservice! Back in 2010 and before, every time you saw fanservice in a YouTube video, people used to fucking look forward to that sort of thing, now all of a fucking sudden people are against it and it pisses me the fuck off. This is probably because of the rise of SJW’s, as they were beginning to emerge in 2012 and this fucking encouraged minority groups to voice their fucking woke ideologies to the public, and virtue signal. Whatever the case, this was not a good output for me and my love for anime was starting to sink like the Titanic, the waters caving in, slowly engulfing the crew at hand…

During this time, as I began to watch more and more videos on YouTube, the people who used to review animes and did things more professionally and sincere back then were starting to become replaced by this new trend. This is when edgy people began to plague fucking YouTube, and holy fucking shit it was cancerous. Now granted, I like my edge in videos, I’m an edgelord myself, but back then, this rise of edgy anime YouTubers and the less professionalism in their videos, deflowered the innocence of anime in it of itself. I saw this as an insult, and the fact that they were starting to inject edgy, dark humor into the videos ruined anime for me, and combining with the fact that you have a fucking anime community (more like cum-munity) full of ungrateful fucking sperglords, my hatred for anime began to rise instantly, and slowly… It was beginning to rise to the fucking top.

Infamous examples of these YouTubers were, Douchebag Chocolat, Digibro (I don’t think he does anime anymore, and he seems to cover other topics now, so I might give that a pass), and the eventual Gigguk. Douchebag Chocolat was the worst fucking offender of this shit, as he deflowered my love for anime as a whole, ruining it, and replacing a pleasant, sweet, and satisfying taste in my mouth, with this watered down, unprofessional shit stain of a taste in my mouth instead. Most of his videos were edgy reviews of animes, and he did it in an unprofessional way, that it was hard to take it seriously, and to this day, YouTubers like him are the reason why it contributes to my hatred for anime to this very day. How did we come from passionate, and sincere anime reviewers like GRAkada, and (I know this is a bad example, because this guy is a fucking piece of shit for what he did) Mr. Anime to a fucking sad excuse of a shitty anime reviewer like this guy? It also doesn’t help the fact that Filthy Frank was also rising in popularity during this time as well.

Well bottom line, this was fucking bullshit and people like this, combined with the toxicity of the forums and the fucking YouTube comment section ruined the anime experience for me. Another thing that was often debated among anime fans was the fucking sub vs dub war, which really made me hate anime even, fucking, more… Like, who the fuck cares? I used to like watching dubs of animes I enjoy, and I always used to look forward to Funimation’s releases of anime dubs because I thought it was fun to see what an anime character would sound like canonically in my native language, and you have fucking dickheads who say that fucking subs are better because, “it’s authentic”… And why? Why is that the fucking case? I would go on Funimation’s YouTube channel and the fucking comment section is the fucking worst. Literally people complaining that their fucking wetdream of an anime is not in fucking sub, and instead in dub, it pisses me the fuck off, and for some reason Funimation gets so much flack because of that, because apparently it’s bad voice acting.

Other people claim that anime subs are better because it’s more dramatic, and the acting is better. Again, why is that the case? How the fuck do you know what Japanese acting sound like to you? Do you speak Japanese? You do know there are some animes that probably have bad voice acting as well in their native language. How the fuck do you know that? Did you ever think of that? So how are dubs any different. This is an argument that I recently thought of, that I wish I would’ve used against people back then, but it really is a thought provoking question if you think about it…

The stupidity doesn’t just stop there, oh no, it gets even worse. I remember going on a YouTube video, it was a guy doing an impression of all the Attack on Titan characters, and to be honest, he did a very good job at it. But that’s not the point. He brought up something at the beginning of the video that fucking infuriated me even more. Now, you probably don’t know, but I recently stopped reading the YouTube comments and for good reason, but he brought up at the beginning of the video that he has gotten many comments in his past voice impression videos of other animes, of course, being the dubs. He reportedly has gotten comments asking why he is doing impressions of the dubs instead of the sub… I want you to think about this for a minute…

He doesn’t speak Japanese, so of course, he wouldn’t know how to do a voice impression of an anime character, so he has to do the dub… What the FUCK do you want him to fucking do? Magically speak fucking Japanese? First of all, you have to be as fluent as fucking possible in the language to do so, otherwise it would be seen as disrespectful, unless you’re talking about speaking English in a Japanese accent? But then that would be seen as racist. So what the fuck do you want him to fucking do? Think about this, seriously, I’m fucking serious, actually stop and think about it for a fucking second. DO YOU FUCKING EXPECT THIS FUCKING GUY TO JUST MAGICALLY SPEAK FUCKING JAPANESE OUT OF THE FUCKING BLUE, THEN THAT WOULDN’T BE A FUCKING VOICE IMPRESISON, THAT WOULD JUST BASICALLY BE QUOTING THE FUCKING CHARACTER FROM THE SHOW!? I HAVE NEVER READ SOMETHING SO FUCKING STUPID IN MY FUCKING LIFE! HOW AM I STILL LIVING!? HOW AM I STILL BREATHING IN THIS FUCKING WORLD!?

And that’s what pisses me off about the anime community is that they are the most fucking nitpicky people in the fucking world. You can never please them. Like that one scene in SAO (Sword Art Online) season 2, where Kirito acted all cutesy and girly to convince his blue haired PTSD girl buddy that he’s a girl, and apparently for them, this was a turn off for some reason… Yeah, because people are just not allowed to be happy and just have damn fucking fun, no apparently, everybody should be depressed and be boring instead… Fuck this world, fuck off…

As I got more into anime, my hatred for it started to increase and increase. After watching my favorite animes, I then watched another anime that I heard of that was new around that time, and after watching Kill La Kill and Attack on Titan, Akame ga Kill was the next anime I watched around that time, and oh boy, I was getting those Kill La Kill vibes all over again. To put it short, Akame ga Kill is an anime where (presumably, I only watched the first four episodes, as you probably know why I fucking stopped) you have a bunch of assassins and they go around killing corrupt people in the world. We meet our protagonist named Tatsumi, and the show starts out with him and his friends staying over at some village and they are greeted with a cute, blonde little girl who serves them, as they were being guests. The servers warned Tatsumi about the assassins and that the protagonist is in safe hands from them in this village.

Little did the protagonist know, he finds out that the servants that were serving him and his friends were murderers themselves, as he finds all of his friends brutally dismembered. Shortly after, the assassins arrive and kills all the murderers in this mansion and then we’re left with this blonde girl, who begins spewing expository shit before being killed herself. The protagonist then gets angry, yada yada yada, joins the assassins, your typical revenge story. However, watching this at the time, the fucking action scenes blew me the fuck away and it really caught me off guard. The story takes a dark turn throughout the third half of the episode and it really subverts expectations (again, in a good way), I literally didn’t expect the servants to be murderers in the mansion, so when you go from a happy go lucky episode to a dark, bloody one, it has potential to be very good.

I watched the second episode, of course, Tatsumi becomes one of the assassins and we have “monster of the week” type episodes where there’s training and filler throughout the episodes and then around the climax of the episode, they face an opponent and the main characters would take them down. I like stories that have that monster of the week storytelling to them, because it puts characters in different situations and if done right, the story tells us how the characters can handle that situation. So I went on to see what my favorite anime reviewers thought of the anime, and surprisingly, it got a good reception. I think forneverworld, and Chibi Reviews gave it a good rating, and this made me want to watch more of this anime. To me this anime had the potential to become another great anime I would happen to enjoy, just as much as Attack on Titan and Kill la Kill. That was until I read the comments, and that one comment pissed me off so much after fucking reading it, I was literally seeing red. I’m serious, this was getting fucking ridiculous…

“The fanservice, Akame ga Killed the show”

This comment was read on the review of the fifth episode of the show which was done by forneverworld, and I’ve fucking had it, and I began to realize that the anime community is nothing but fucking self-entitled fucking cunts. This fucking review right here is the fucking reason why I stopped watching anime and I fucking hate it now, because when I read comments like this, it really makes me question my tastes. Like whenever I like an anime, apparently that fucking anime happens to be the most hated in the fucking community, and it gets me questioning myself… Do I really have bad taste in anime or something, because nothing fucking satisfies the community, and I know some people will say to just ignore them, trust me I tried, but I’m sorry, when you’ve been a fucking anime fan for the fucking longest and have FUCKING KNOWN people in the past that were nothing but the fucking nicest people, truly the most fucking down to earth people that I’ve met, and now I’m being met with this fucking new group of fucking edgelords ruining the community, I’m sorry, but that is what I call a fucking insult!

I’ve joined an anime forum in the past, I forgot the name, but it was around late 2011, early 2012, and I signed up. This was after Knux kicked me out of the forum, and I just wanted a new platform to move on to. I introduced myself on that forum, and I have gotten nothing but the most nicest responses from people, it was insane. This was during the time when the internet wasn’t full of fucking assholes and people actually “cared” about you. I got a first reply on the thread, and many others welcomed me as well, however that first reply will stay true to my heart, because that first reply, will go on to be my friend. Shortly after replying, I got a friend request from him, I accepted it, we became friends, private messaged each other and asked me how I’m doing, and how’s my day, just a pure down to Earth, friendly person in general, and the rest was fucking history. But 2014 is when the fucking shit started to hit the fucking fan, and it got so bad, to the fucking point where the forum I even joined (don’t worry, like I said, I don’t remember what it was, and no, it’s not My Anime List) was becoming filled with whining anime fans, as they also drank the anti-fanservice Kool-Aid as well…

After a while of experiencing this type of toxicity in the anime community, I began to hear this word thrown around, called, “elitism”. At that moment in my life, I began to learn that the community, those fucking whining people in the community, yeah half of those fucking people are fucking elitists. Those fucking people who think their show is better than yours and will trash you as a human being if you dare oppose them after calling them out about your shitty tastes in their beloved fucking animu trash. Hearing about this, and dealing with these people as well while I was in my anime phase at the time, further contributed to my hatred towards anime. Now I know how Hitler felt about the Jews (this is a joke, I’m not a neo-Nazi).

Just all of this shit, culminated to me not wanting to be apart of this shit fandom. It’s like, I came around the worst time to be an anime fan, people were acting fucking autistic, edgy cunts. Edgy YouTube channels were emerging throughout that same time and you have fucking ungrateful fucking people complaining about fanservice, fucking people whining about their favorite anime being fucking dubbed in English, even THOUGH IT’S IN THEIR FUCKING NATIVE FUCKING LANGUAGE! WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T YOU WANT TO WATCH SOMETHING IN YOUR OWN LANGUAGE, IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE! THAT’S LIKE HATING THE PS4, BECAUSE IT’S IN ENGLISH AND NOT IN JAPANESE! Why would you want to watch subtitles, it’s fucking pointless! You have to look at the bottom of the fucking screen, all the while missing out on the fucking action scenes. Most of the time, you forget what dialogue is even being said in the fucking show with subs, so with dubs, you can understand what’s being said on screen, and you pay more attention to the characters, because it’s in English, your native language, so common sense would say, watch the fucking show in English! This is just like those people who look down on others for reading the NIV Bible instead of the KJV Bible, it’s fucking stupid.

It also doesn’t make it any better, because at the same time, there’s fucking anime haters as well, and the recent reemergence of the fucking putrid, blasphemous word, “weeaboo” being thrown around, and being directed towards anime fans as well. THIS FUCKING FANDOM IS A FUCKING CAKE. A FUCKING CAKE FILLED WITH FUCKING SEMEN AND SHIT, THEY BLENDED THE FUCKING SHIT, THEY BLENDED THE FUCKING PISS, AND THEY TOOK THE EXTRA MILE TO FUCKING EJACULATE THEIR FUCKING UNGRATEFUL SEMEN ON TOP OF THAT, PUT IT IN A FUCKING BLENDER AND THEN MADE A FUCKING CAKE WITH IT, COVERED IT WITH ICING AND FROSTING, AND THERE YOU GO. YOU HAVE A SHITTY FUCKING SEMEN CAKE.

Recently, I’ve had all my favorite anime shows in the past, THE VERY FUCKING ANIMES, that were fucking praised back then among the YouTube comments and that GOT ME INTO ANIME IN IT OF ITSELF, like Sora no Otoshimono, Rosario + Vampire, and Strike Witches; BEING TRASHED BY THESE NEW FUCKING NORMIES AND EDGELORDS, and it’s fucking disgusting. The usual fucking criticism in the fucking comment section: “This show is filled with fanservice”, “The pacing is shit”, “This anime is shit”, “Hahaha, fucking weebs”, yeah, I’ve seen it fucking all. You even have fucking SJW’s on there, fucking saying how perverted it is and how fanservice is degrading, EVEN THOUGH IT’S A FUCKING ECCHI SHOW, AND THAT’S THE FUCKING POINT TO MAKE! IT IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE FUCKING FANSERVICE! THAT’S A STUPID FUCKING ANOLOGY. THAT’S LIKE COMPLAINING THAT RAMBO OR THE TERMINATOR IS TOO VIOLENT, EVEN THOUGH THAT’S THE FUCKING POINT, IS FOR IT TO BE FUCKING VIOLENT, BECAUSE IT’S AN ACTION MOVIE YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER!

I HAVE NEVER SEEN A FUCKING FANDOM FULL OF FUCKING CUNTS IN MY FUCKING LIFE. Literally every fucking anime that I watch gets fucking trashed by fucking anime fans. When there’s no fucking fanservice, then they complain about the fucking pacing. Even Attack on Titan got flack from the anime fans on the fucking community, saying that it was a shitty show and the pacing was garbage... This hate for fucking fanservice is who I believe, all came from this guy… Gigguk. Yeah that’s fucking right… All because of Gigguk, that fucking Japanese supremacist cunt who believes that westerners are inferior to their subhuman trash of a fucking piece of shit looking island home to the fucking japs… I remember him doing a video on fanservice and complaining about it in his fucking beloved jap supremacist animu, and that it needs to stop, that video around that time, if I remember correctly, had 1,000,000 views. I believe it’s people like him that fucking started the fire, causing all my favorite animes like Sora no Otoshimono getting trashed by the fucking community, fuck you Gigguk.

Gigguk, more like fucking Gig-gook, or Gig-cuck; is also the reason why the anime community is filled with elitists and purists, and Gigguk is the main pioneer of that shit. He sees western animation as inferior and claims that fucking Japanese animation is pure and it just makes me angrier even fucking more; the more I think about it... If you want to know what the pure definition of a fucking elitist would be, look no further than this sad excuse of a fucking cuck known as Gigguk. And apparently, fucking people listen to him. Fucking cucklords on sites like MAL are EATING THIS SHIT UP!

Around my last, dying breathe for that sad excuse of a form of entertainment, I decided to spend the remaining engine gas for another anime that kind of interested me at the time. Granted I was already 70% into my hatred of anime, as it was about to jump up to 100%, but seeing this anime, I was curious as to what the show was about, as it could potentially be the next slice of life show that would be up their with the previous entries in this section. The very last anime that I ever watched before quitting all together was Noucome. Now, this anime’s official name was in Japanese and it’s super fucking long, it started with something like, “Ore wa”, and then goes on like twenty something words, and I don’t feel like covering the plot here, since basically it’s just a generic harem, slice of life anime. Anyways, I liked this fucking anime. This anime would’ve become the next Little Busters or Sakurasou no Pet na Kanojo for me, but GUESS WHAT! THIS ANIME GOT TRASHED AS WELL! WHOOP DE FUCKING DOO BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! I’m not fucking surprised, because I have lost every ounce of sense of respect for anime and the community as well, so what’s the fucking point of fucking continuing on… At that point, the hatred meter for this shit had jumped up to 99%

So, to cheer myself up, I went on a K-ON video, yeah that classic Beatles type anime, and I began to watch scenes from that show, and literally, everyone in the fucking comments were toxic as usual. This had me realizing that the innocence in the fucking YouTube comments were lost. Long gone were the nice and innocent comments on a Lucky Star video, where people actually enjoyed the fucking show, having fun and just having a good fucking time altogether; going along with what clips were given at hand, and instead were replaced with fucking edgy, 4chan, 9chan, 1040chan, fucking trolling edgelord, assholes that should’ve been fucking aborted at fucking birth! I read one comment however, that put the final nail in the coffin for me, and the percentage rate of my anger and my pure frustrative hatred for this shit has hit the one-hundred mark instantaneously... My hatred for anime had begun. This one fucking comment set everything in stone, it was official, my hatred for anime, began to surge, I had become a different person right after reading this comment made by a low-life, degenerate human being (if you can call it that) to ever surface upon the face of the fucking earth... My alternate, bipolar self began to settle in… I felt like Smaug at the end of The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug, when Smaug said, “REVENGE, I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!”, and that was me right there. That was fucking me…

I don’t remember what the comment said, but it was an innocent comment that said that he likes the anime and K-ON is a very fun anime to watch. The reply to that comment was by a fucking uncultured fucking normie that basically said that he was a weeaboo and a pervert, and then an argument ensued… That was it… That fucking comment right there. That fucking comment was enough to fucking quit watching anime altogether. I have never seen a community get this toxic before in my fucking life. The fucking community is like a mixed bag filled with shit, piss, semen, and fucking vomit at the same time, so pick your fucking poison. I mean, there’s no point in going on when there’s nothing to watch, all because the fucking people in the fucking community, especially MAL were fucking assholes.

Hearing that word “weeaboo” so many times while I was an anime fan has left an impact on me. It was like being black in 1940, and being called a “nigger”, over and over again… It was fucking horrible. I couldn’t take it anymore. I thought anime was a nice community to be in, and the fact being that I was once apart of the nicest anime forums in my fucking life, seeing this shit happen, is like living in a house full of loving and caring people. You knew those people for so many years, they fed you, they helped you out when you were struggling with something, they made you feel better when you were down, they did everything they can to make you have a good time, and then all of a fucking sudden, someone comes at the door. That person knocks on the fucking door, and one of the family members answer the door, only to be met with fucking shotgun bullets to the fucking head, his brains being sprawled all over the floor, like spilt pounds of ground beef. Then that same person begins to set the house afire, shooting everyone else in the house, one by one, some in the chest, others fatally in the head, as the flames ate away at their remains, and then here I am, witnessing all of this… Witnessing the pure horror before my very eyes, I stood still, like deer in the headlights, I could not fathom what was going on. It was as if time had slowed down, while also going at a rapid pace. My eyes then aimed toward one of the windows as this was happening, half cracked. Without even thinking, I leaped through the window like a lion lounging towards its prey, landing in the cold snow, as I tumbled down the hill, hitting the tree. The freezing hopeless, cold winter snow, complimenting the pure hopelessness in my heart, as I glanced at the burning house, that would eventually become left of a burned, charcoal wooden box, filled with the deceased of those who had deeply cared for me, it is nothing but a fragment now…. To this very day, hearing that word… It gives me PTSD, and it fucking further fuels my hatred for anime every time I recollect on this event…

And so, on November 11th, of 2014, I had officially quit watching anime. Every single credibility that I had for the community, every single credibility that I had for anime in it of itself, was fucking shredded to fucking pieces, and to this day, I am still fucking bitter about it. People like Gigguk and all these other assholes in the community, are the reason why I commemorate those who dropped the bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and to this day, I still think Japan deserved everything they fucking got from us, all thanks to fucking anime fans. When WW3 does happen, I fucking hope we finish the fucking job, by nuking Japan altogether, and seeing the fact that population is declining in Japan due to loss of interest in relationships, and more people being single due to introversion, good… Hopefully this will further contribute to the fucking extinction of their fucking race… So that, is my response to anime fans, and they are the reason why I hate Japan with a fucking passion. Just like how Adolf Hitler hated the Jews, I fucking hate Japan with a passion. And to China and Korea? I don’t blame you for hating them…

To paraphrase the Angry Video Game Nerd from the episode, Milon’s Secret Castle,

“Looks like it could've been a good community, but instead, they were just fuckin' jerkin' off!”

And that is why you don’t meet your heroes… Over the course of 2015, I had begun to hate Japan, because of the fucking elitists that I had to deal with on that shitstorm of a fucking forum known at MAL, yeah that’s right fucking MAL, this forum is a fucking MAL-icious shit turd! How appropriate, “mal” also means “bad”, in Spanish, and that sums everything up about this fucking anus stain of a fucking site.

From the leftover hatred that I had in my heart throughout the remainder of 2014, carrying it on into 2015, I had begun to adopt American nationalistic ideologies, as I begun to think that America is superior to every other country in the world, and at that moment in time, I had become a patriot for the American people. The fucking unwelcoming nature of the anime community is very anti-American, and it shows in the MAL message boards. Because of the anti-dub mentality and the various anti-American sentiments throughout the entirety of the fucking message board, I fucking hate anime with a passion. The fucking people are fucking traitors to western civilization! They abandoned their values, and had become jap-lovers instead.

Instead of being proud of who you are and liking your country as well, they go on to fucking bash our country instead. I’m not saying America is the greatest, I’m talking about western civilization as a whole, they’ve fucking abandoned it, betrayed their fucking culture for a jap one. Fucking disgraceful. As 2015 roared on, my anti-anime movement would come into fruition. It was around the 4th of July of that year, I had gave a very passionate speech about the devotion of my country, the United States of America, as I began to rebuke Japan as a country, and pour my pure hatred of that country into a post that was made onto my forum,

“I have fully announced that the day has finally come! Let the ANTI ANIME ASSOCIATION ARISE !!! MY ANIME HATRED HAS GROWN AND HAS BEEN EXPRESSED TO THIS DAY!!!

We shall let this day, THE 4TH OF JULY, REPRESENT THE DAY OF THIS ORGANIZATION, FOR US TO SHOW OUR AMERICAN PATRIOTISM TO IT'S CORE. THIS IS MY 450TH POST OF THE FORUM, FOR I SHALL NICKNAME THIS ASSOCIATION, THE 450TH BRIGADE OF THE COALITION BRANCH!!!

AND WE MEMBERS OF THIS CLUB SHALL BE CALLED "ANIME UNIONISTS", OR ANOTHER TERM FOR IT, "ANIME HATERS"!

For we shall establish this association, for our member, FULL POWER OVER ALL ANIME FANS ALIKE!!! WE MEMBERS OF THIS CLUB SHALL NOT LET ANIME FANS DEFY US AND OUR EXISTANCE!

WE ARE AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE!!!

WE HAVE LET THESE ANIME ELITISTS CAUSED US TREMENDOUS AND EXCRUCIATING PAIN TO OUR FAVORITISM OF CERTAIN PORTRAYALS OF ANIMATION (ANIME) AND HAVE REJECTED US, MAKING US LOOK LIKE DAMNED FOOLS!!!

THESE ANIME FANS, THE SCUMRY OF MAL AND EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT BREATHES WITHIN THAT COMMUNITY, SHALL ROT UPON OUR EXISTANCE!!! WE HAVE NO TOLERANCE, BUT INSTEAD CRUELTY IN RETURN, FOR THESE ANIME ELITISTS LOOKED DOWN ON US, CALLED US UNWORTHY OF THE ANIME COMMUNITY AND CALLED US FOOLS FOR OUR CHOICES OF ANIMES; FOR SO THEY THINK THEIR CHOICE OF ANIMATION IS BETTER THAN OURS, CALLED US THAT SO CALLED CRINGE-INDUCING WORD, "Weeaboo", FOR THEY LOOK DOWN ON US AND SPIT ON OUR IMAGE !!!

IN RETURN WE ARE NOW THE ELITISTS IF YOU ARE A MEMBER OF THIS CLUB! YOU MUST LET GO OF EVERYTHING YOU LOVED ABOUT ANIME, LEAVE AND BETRAY THE ANIME COMMUNITY AND HAVE PURE HATRED ABOUT SAID HOBBY; LOOK AT LIFE A DIFFERENT WAY, AND MAKE YOUR ELITISTS PAY A HEAVY PRICE!!! FOR THAT, ANIME ELITISTS AND MEAN SPIRITED FANS WILL SUFFER!!! WE WILL PREVAIL AND WILL NEVER BACK DOWN, WE ARE A WALL OF STEEL, MARCHING DOWN; INDUCING FEAR IN THE ANIME COMMUNITY AND MYANIMELIST!!! IN THE END WE ARE BETTER THAN THEM, MORE DOMINANT!!!

This association is for ones who have suffered in the anime community and been victimized by anime elitists, for in return those people including me want revenge, WE ARE REVENGE AND WE ARE NOT FOOLS AND AREN'T MADE LAUGHINGSTOCKS BY ELITISTS, FOR WE MEAN BUSINESS AND DON'T STAND DOWN LIKE A WEAK FOOL IN IT'S BIRDCAGE, WE ARE VENGEANCE, WE ARE PURE HATRED!!!

We are strong, we have a flag that represents the powers of this organization, we are an army, we have implemented peace, justice, patriotism for our community, and full prevail over anime fans. Whatever the anime fans do to strike us down, WE WILL RESURRECT OURSELVES UP AGAIN TO FIGHT BACK, WE ARE NOT THE WEAK, WE ARE BETTER THAN THE FOOLS (ANIME FANS), WE ARE BETTER THAN MAL, WE ARE POWERFUL, FOR WE WILL NEVER BACK DOWN, BUT MARCH FORWARD IN FIERCE INTIMIDATION, WE ARE THE THE UNION OF THE ANTI ANIME ASSOCIATION AND THE 450TH BRIGADE OF THE COALITION BRANCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JOIN ME AND YOU WILL NEVER FEEL PAIN FROM THESE ELITISTS AGAIN, WE CAN SHARE OUR PAIN AND SUFFERING FROM THESE SIMPLETONS, WE CAN MAKE THESE ELITISTS LOOK LIKE PEASANTS, AND WE ARE BETTER THAN THEM!!!

THIS IS OUR FLAG!!! NEVER LET ANIME FANS TAKE THAT SYMBOL FROM YOU AND MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL, REPRESENT THIS SYMBOL!!! REPRESENT ALL OF IT!!!”.

Shortly after I would go on to fully declare the official name of my movement. The Union of the Anti Anime Association (UAAA), or more formally known as The Union of American Animation Activists and the 213th Assembly Branch of the Coalition Branch. I wanted this movement to echo the movement of the National Socialist Party, or otherwise known as the Nazi movement, but for the right of American animators. My hatred for fucking Japan was so great, that I wanted my group to succeed, it didn’t matter if I only had one or two members, as long as I had people that shared my ideology, that’s all that matters, and I wanted to be a Hitler-like figure of the entire movement.

As anti-American sentiments were being echoed across the hallways of the anime community, I wanted to impose fear, supremacy, and intimidation into my enemies, as I’d began to commemorate the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki of 1945. I’d also began to commemorate the pilots of those who bombed those cities, as I hailed them as American heroes to our country, the only downside is that they should’ve used more nukes. My primary idol of the group was Walt Disney, the founder and father of American animation and western animation as a whole. I wanted western animation to go back to the days of the Walt Disney era, when everything was smoothly animated, the backgrounds were painted and there was so much time, effort, and care into producing those cartoons.

I’d began to scold modern American animation during that time, as our cartoons were the laughing stock to the anime community, the mindless bashing of America and the American culture as a whole. I was getting fed up with it, I was so fed up with the fact that they are abandoning their values as westerners, as they would go on to humiliate and taunt us, because a fucking inferior, half-framed per second moving picture from an island that looks like a fucking turd that was shitted out of the Big Bang’s asshole was being hailed as superior over a medium that has been built by western civilization since the beginning of time. It was fucking bullshit!

As I was seeing childhood cartoons being bashed by these fucking elitists, during the time as an anime fan, it was fucking insulting to me. It was insulting to go on MAL and see users denounce great works such as Batman: The Animated Series, and Avatar: The Last Airbender. Avatar: The Last Airbender was a show that was supposed to prove to the world that America can make something great, that we can actually try and make great things, including animation, but every time we do, these jap worshiping, anime loving zealots would begin to tear that down, and I would begin to loathe Japan because of it. Seeing the fact that American animation has been seen as a laughing stock, where it can be great just as well, made my fucking blood boil. I’m not saying all American animation is great, but there are some good ones, and if you count all the Disney movies and Don Bluth, then those things can back that argument up. Americans can make great animation as well, they just don’t want to put any effort into it though…

Throughout my time as an anime fan, I’d began to realize that the anime community is nothing but pure fucking mockery at this point. What had once been a nice, beautiful looking fruit, is now a rotten one, being eaten away from the mold, the mildew and the maggots. And because of all of these unholy things that had unfolded before my fucking eyes, I had decided to create this group. Disgruntled, out of the pure hatred of my fucking heart, as I poured my pure resentment for anime, Japan, and their culture as a whole, I had become an American nationalist to this day because of it. I wanted my group to be a sub-category of the far-right, but not too far-right. Somewhere in the middle, as my group doesn’t discriminate against race or gender, as our focus was on the security of our supremacy for the animation industry. The only people that we would discriminate obviously, would be the fucking japs, as they are not allowed to join. Basically as long as you’re not a jap, and you hold the same beliefs as we do, we don’t have a problem here.

Not only do I hate them because of their followers who have a distaste for us, but because they are the most selfish group of people that I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Literally, they’re the most closed-in, closeted, isolated group of people who rarely interact with westerners. Why is it that Koreans, and Chinese people, can get along with western people as well, but japs can’t? In general, japs are the one group of people that I passionately hate with all my fucking heart, as they do not like to share. Look at every Japanese company that has a branch in America. Look at Nintendo, granted as much as I respect them as a company, and they did wonders for our childhood, they don’t like to share, because every time a new console comes out, or a new game comes out, we get half of the content that Japan gets. I was pissed off to find out that Club Nintendo (Yeah, that was a thing) in Japan had a lot more offers than fucking America’s version of that service! No wonder, AVGN was so fucking pissed when he found out there were good Back to the Future games in Japan on the Super Famicom, and America didn’t get it, I would be fucking pissed too. Japan always gets better things than us, and it’s almost like they’re taunting us in a way. You see all this fucking mind-blowing, fancy technology in Japan that would make every MIT researcher in Silicon Valley roll in their fucking graves, and yet, none of them are here.

It goes to show how much of a fucking ally they are… Yet, most of the japs rarely come to America in the first place, as there’s a low percentage of them here. For some reason they are very hard to find, and it goes to show, that they have a secret hatred for us. I’d began to increasingly notice that the japs seem to fucking favor the brits, the fucking limeys over us Americans, which is even more of a salt poured on an open wound. I notice that the japs seem to reference the UK more than America itself, and it makes me wonder if Japan secretly have a bias for America, as literally every other race wants to come here, but for some reason the fucking japs don’t. The only time they come here is when they want to treat our land like a fucking souvenir, which is fucking insulting to be honest.

Not only that, but most of the people who are touting this nonsense are usually these fucking anti-American limeys who have no respect for our culture and they see jap culture as superior to us. Not only are these people are a bad influence on Japan, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they are the reason why most of them migrate to the UK more than America, because it seems like Japan has a hate boner for us. There are also, like I said, japs that taunt us as well, look at the example about Gigguk. He seems to be a Japanese nationalist who taunts Americans because they’re not allowed to make the same moving pictures like his favorite moving pictures, so he begins to rebuke western animation because of that.

All of these events that had transpired as a fan, and post-fandom, has culminated into a recipe of my pure hatred for that fucking country. I even try to avoid Japanese products like the plague. Just like how Japan and the UK like to suck each other’s dicks more than any other country in existance, it seems like our counterpart to that would be South Korea, and I mean that in a good way. Just like Japan and the UK, South Korea seems to love America, and it’s really heartwarming, because they are the ones willing to help us out whenever we need be, and we have a very good relationship with them, even more than any other country in the world.

As I began to resent Japan, I’d began to love South Korea, and my respect for them has begun to rise, as not only that they had delivered us good brands like Samsung, but they also gave us refrigerators, flatscreen TV’s, and on occasion, help us with production in animation at some points. They seem to be the good counterpart with Japan, and I hope it stays that way. They also seem to despise the japs as much as I do, which makes me give them more credibility than ever before! Overall, my hatred for Japan has been ten-fold, and I will never, ever, forgive what hell spawn that they created, and the fucking mindless worshippers that they inhabit.

To this day, I still hate Japan in a way, not as much as I did when first starting out, but my hatred has been kept to a minimum, but I still stand by my country, and I’ll die by my country, as because of the unforgivable acts that were committed in cancerous places such as MAL and other parts of the anime community, I had become a full on American nationalist, and I support the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, just so I can get back at those assholes who stupidly worship that turd looking island. As I went on to finish the Union of the anti-Anime Association, I would go on to create an official flag for the group. It was originally going to be a blue flag, with the yellow sun in the background, but I’ve updated it to a better looking one. Here it is, in all it’s glory!

The official flag of the UAAA (Union of the Anti-Anime Association or the Union of the American Activists).

The red represents passion and blood for our country. The vertical yellow and white stripes going down the middle, represents industrial prosperity. The horizontal black and yellow stripes represent rising dawn, as our members march to fight for our freedom and supremacy of the American animation industry from the pits of the shadows. The red star encased in the white circle represents authority and unification, and the yellow in the center represents the sun of dominance, banishing the darkness back into the pit of the shadows! We stand for our country, the United States of America, we stand for equality, and we stand for the Union of American Animation Activists and the 213th Assembly of the Coalition Branch! LONG LIVE THE UAAA!!!

Chapter 19: The Nightmare Begins

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During the time when I was stupidly an anime fan back then, my parents were kind enough to buy me a brand new computer, to compensate for the depravity that I was going through at the time. It was a cheap, $200, refurbished one, coming from Dell of all brands. This PC was slow as fuck and could barely open any applications without fucking lagging and freezing every time I ran a program. To say this briefly, this PC was a piece of fucking shit. Another thing about this computer? It was heavy as fuck! Seriously. When the package was delivered on our fucking porch, the fucking thing was so heavy, it almost took two people to carry the it.

The model that my parents ordered was one of the Optiplex series, running on Windows 7, basically a throwaway Dell computer that’s commonly used in schools and colleges. Yeah you know the one. It was so fucking shitty, and sadly it couldn’t even fit in a modern graphics card, which really fucking sucked, because I wanted to play my favorite Steam games, but I’ll get into that in a second. The computer booted up as usual and I went through the setup as I setted up the password and everything for the computer. After doing that shit, right off the bat, the computer was fucking slow. It was so fucking slow that it TOOK FUCKING 10 MINUTES for the desktop to fucking load. Here I was sitting back thinking to myself, is this fucking PC broken or something?

After restarting the fucking thing three times, I finally got the anal-fucking thing to work, and THANK GOD, I managed to get the computer to perform normally again. Using the computer, it was slow as shit, and even browsing the internet was fucking slow as all hell. Even the Attack on Titan fangame, which was web browser based, performed like fucking ass on this thing. This computer was fucking slow all together, and I fucking knew it. I knew this computer was going to be shit, because Dell makes shitty computers, I’m sorry. Their computers are slow as fuck, even doing simple tasks like opening up fucking notepad, took a fucking millennia to open. Bottomline this computer was shit. There was even a point where my parents had to buy me 8 GBs of ram, and the fucking computer still RAN SLOW as shit! But I’ll get into that in a second.

So since I got my throwaway PC back (which was underpowered and was a piece of shit, yay), I went on to check my Steam account to finally get all my games back. I was in a mood to play TF2, and I wanted to see how it would perform on this shitty PC. I went on Steam’s website and downloaded the installer for the platform, as usual, and waited for the thing to install. In the back of my mind, the worst case scenario started to hit me, and I hoped to God that it didn’t happen, but I then brushed it off and went back to worrying about the installation process of the launcher.

The installation was finally complete and I clicked finished and the Steam login window popped up. I typed in my username and password in the input fields and then I clicked login. I then got a message highlighted in red, saying that the information that I typed in was incorrect. I thought to myself, “This can’t be”, so I went on my browser and retrieved the password through the list of saved passwords that I have had stored onto it and typed it in again. Again, I got a message saying that I typed in the wrong password. At this point, I thought my mind was fucking with me, so I requested to change the password on my account by typing in the email address that I used for this platform. I typed it in and then all of a sudden I got a message that said that, that email does not exist for this account. At that moment, the worst case scenario in the back of my mind, came true.

I searched through all my emails to see if anything had happened to my account, and after 20 minutes of searching high and low and estimating a timeline, to find any suspicious activity on my account, there it was… I got an unread email in the sea of other emails that said that my email address had been changed, and that if I didn’t make any of these changes, then to contact steam. At this moment, my worst fear had become true… My account had been hijacked… All those hours of TF2, all the time that I had put into the game, all that devotion, all those hats, all those weapons, all those crates that were to be unlocked, they’re all gone.

I tried to contact Steam, but unfortunately you need to provide them evidence, which is what I didn’t have, and because it happened so many months ago, it would be hard to prove otherwise. On top of that, my parents changed banks, so the games that were purchased on my account were used on the older card, before they changed it to a new one. At this point, I lost hope and all those games that I had built up in my collection were gone forever. All those hours that I had spent into getting hats and accessories were gone forever, and now, it is permanently a locked account, only to be looked at. I remember looking up my Steam ID name, and there it was… All my games, intact, forever locked behind an invisible, hijacked barrier, taunting me. Like being imprisoned in a cell, surrounded by gold bars, but you can’t spend any of it…

I'd began to suspect who the possible culprit could’ve been… Gilly… There was something off about that person, from the arising aggression in his voice, and his shifting tone, this was probably a revenge plot by Gilly to get back at me after breaking my friendship with me. And knowing the fact that he had 40 of his fuckbuddy friends as well, and the possible fact that he’s probably kidnapped, he probably knew some people who have ties to corruption, one of them probably being a hacker. What if those 40 accounts were victims as well, and my account got added to his collection of hijacked accounts. No… No. There is no way. There is no fucking way this fucking 12 year old, COD playing faggot knew how to hijack accounts. He probably went to that hacker that he knew and asked him to hack my account, so he can use it as a trophy. Who knows how many other victims he had claimed… Gilly baited me in and tried to get all friendly with me and everything, but deep down inside he had something else in mind…

I just knew it, it all made sense, because looking at the emails, and the fact that three days after I had broken away from Gilly, he must’ve been pissed, so he wanted to show who’s boss and victimized my account as an example not to fuck with him. Had I strengthened the security on my account, my account never would’ve gotten hacked. However, it still doesn’t connect though, because I looked up the hacker’s information, the person who changed my email address, and it states that he’s a resident of Taiwan, so either a few things are into question here. Either Gilly knew a person from Taiwan and he got him to hack into my account, the person used a VPN to make it look like he’s from Taiwan, or that person actually lives in Taiwan and all of this has nothing to do with Gilly…

Which leads me to one more theory that could’ve happened… My old, original friend… You remember Wilson, right? The friend that introduced me to TF2, the friend that introduced me to this wonderful platform known as Steam? Well, Wilson was Taiwanese who later moved here to the States, and we became best friends. Even though this theory is probably outlandish, there is possibly a chance that he had something to do with all of this and the hijacking of my account, but that may just be sheer coincidence. Either way, there’s no point for theorizing, because my account was fucked either way, and I was sad, and pissed, and there was nothing I could do to get it all back. So my account is long gone now, forever collecting virtual dust…

I created another account on Steam which I will not mention here for obvious reasons, but I did create another one and that account is doing just fine as of today, all thanks to being smart and further securing my account altogether. After creating my account, I did the usual, reinstall TF2 and sadly, I had to spend my own money on Steam gift cards, which luckily my local Walgreens carried in the gift card section, rebuying all the fucking games, all because one fucking hacker had to do what he do. To the person who hijacked my account, fuck you by the way. I eventually rebought all the games like Terraria, and even bought all the games that were originally demos as well, and even more, so my library is even bigger than ever. So lesson of this story? Don’t trust anyone on the internet…

However, even though I rebought those games, I still couldn’t play them, due to how underpowered this fucking piece of a shit PC that it was, so basically I just spent mostly on playing that Attack on Titan fangame at the time, even though the framerate was low as fuck and I had to make due with playing it on that computer. My computer was so shit, it was only good for playing emulators and I mostly played games on ZSNES to kill time, specifically Pocky and Rocky, and considering the fact that I was an anime fan back then, I had anime wallpapers during that time as well. However, as I spent so much time consuming that toxic form of art, I started to get slowly get back into SMBX again. Around the end of August of 2014, I began to watch my old time then rival once again, as303298 as I had created a peace treaty with him and wrote an apology to him via private message, that I was an immature little kid who wanted attention, and surprisingly he accepted my apology and added me as a friend. As303298 are in good terms now.

Anyways, I was watching his videos, and didn’t realize at the time that he had uploaded other let’s plays of other SMBX episodes at the time. He did let’s plays on episodes like A New Beginning, Super Mario Brothers Classic, and the infamous series on YouTube, called the Tower of Bias. The Tower of Bias, for those who don’t know, is an anthology episode, containing a series or compilation of levels from the SMBX community, ranked from worst to best. The episode was like the Great Castle Adventure, meaning that the episode had no map, and the hub world is a level in it of itself, and you enter levels via doors to play them. Outside those doors are the level titles, the user who submitted the levels, and a ranking system.

Adam was fucking pissed as hell, and while I was young and didn’t understand why he was so pissed, he complained that the levels were not good enough, and he whined about how the community is full of shit levels. Looking back at it now, I can relate to him in a way, because this was an exact mirror of how I felt about the anime community, so I know how he felt about this whole situation. Some videos ranged from irritated ramblings, to literally fucking screaming, something that I never witnessed as303298 emote in such a way before. Other than that, in general, me getting back into watching his videos and the fact that we are in good terms now, added fuel and motivated me to continue my TTOTET project that I had been putting on hiatus for a long time now. I decided to give SMBX another shot, so I went to look for the installation file for SMBX on my then new, temporary computer; until I noticed something new in the SMBX community…

As I searched for the SMBX executable file to download from bootlegged sites, as like I said, Nintendo took down the download links for SMBX, I saw a new website had emerged from the ashes, a website that was familiar to me when I first saw it when I was younger. It was a fan-revamped version of the “supermariobrothers.org” website, but instead, with the URL to the site being, “supermariobrosx.org”. This was fucking surprising to me, as the site provided download links to the SMBX download file, and here it got me thinking, “How are they doing this, even though Redegit said not to list any links to the fangame in the future”. Oh well, it didn’t matter, because I got a chance to download the link to the fangame, and that’s all it mattered. I got to give them credit, even aesthetically, they managed to nail the design of the website, making it look exactly like what the forum originally looked like during Redegit’s reign of the site.

I installed the file for SMBX, the version being SMBX 1.3.0.1, I think, and I waited for the thing to download, and mind you, SMBX takes a long time to install, so I had to wait a while, especially on a slow, shitty, Dell desktop like mine. After finally waiting for the thing to finally install, there it was, like an old friend, the SMBX icon… It was right there on the desktop, and I couldn’t be any happier. It wasn’t a virus, no phishing link, it was the real thing. It goes to show that the fans really are devoted to this fangame, and I don’t blame them… I opened the SMBX icon, clicking on the “Level Editor” button in the launcher window, and I waited in glee, as my eyes glanced excitedly at the spinning coin in the bottom right of the loading screen, until the window eventually opened up. After everything was done loading, I finally installed the demo to TTOTET and finally, it was time... It was time for me to continue the story to TTOTET.

You would think by now, that since that I’m older, I would’ve improved and knowing the fact that I put the project on hiatus back in January of 2013, I would have a bit more experience by now? Nope, I was fucking wrong... As I created a new level and began to brainstorm now ideas to settle in, my creative block was here, at full fucking force. I attempted to create another level for The Tale of the Evil Twins, thinking that I would have fresh ideas by now, especially after all the countless animes that I have watched? Nope. I did not know what I wanted the fucking level to be. The level was going to be a ghost house, and because my knowledge of creating custom graphics were limited back then, with the palette of graphics that I had from all the GFX packs that I had downloaded, I could not for the fucking life of me come up with what I wanted to level to be.

I was sitting at my computer, frustrated. I wanted the level to be a big, confusing maze, because this was during the time, linear levels were thrown out the window, and everyone in the SMBX community around that time were obsessed with big, open levels, so I wanted to give it a try myself. So I stretched the boundaries so far and wide, my canvas was so huge and open, however, I didn’t know what the fuck to put in the level. I was literally brain farting the entire time. I was placing blocks in random spots, coming up with gimmicks was a nightmare, and the level was just one big open, and unsatisfying mess. The level was a “tryhard”, if you say so yourself, as random bosses appear out of nowhere in this ghost house to scare the player, a cliché I know… I got so frustrated, the level ended up getting scrapped. I closed out of the SMBX level editor and never touched it again in months.

Shortly after that incident, I went on to check on my forum, and of course, everybody posted on my forum again, stating that they miss me and how they want me back. I realize that these people actual did care about me, so I began posting on the forum again, announcing my return to the forum, apologizing that I had been gone for so long, as my unfortunate PC had to die on me and everyone welcomed me back to the forum in open arms.

During this time, this was the first and last time my forum had been active in years. Because not to many people were posting on my forum for years, this was a new thing. New topics were being posted every few days, and many people were responding to posts. It was something I hadn’t witnessed in a while, and this was probably the most fun I’ve ever had in my entire life. I made one of the users on the forum, 𝒏𝒚𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒂𝒕, moderator and I remember how so many people called me out for it, as 𝒏𝒚𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒂𝒕 was unprofessional, but I just did it for shits and giggles. We even went as far as to chat with each other in the chatbox at the bottom of the forum, and there was even a thread highlighting our moments in the chatbox. Everyone was posting on the forum, from ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 to even new members who joined my forum named 𝕂𝕠𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕒ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕟. 𝕂𝕠𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕒ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕟 was the best user and probably the user that I also wish I could thank him for, as he contributed so much dearly to the forums.

He made posts about how the forum is dying and how we should save it, and everyone agreed. During this time, people were signing up like crazy, making new accounts and not making a single new post. Even in the input field during registration, which are required fields by the way, they gave legitimate answers, and they still didn't make a single post. These input fields were a way to make sure that anyone signing up for the forum was not a bot, and looking through their profile, they really did put the time and effort in taking a moment to be sincere in the required fields, however that did not stop people from not posting on the forum in general. 𝕂𝕠𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕒ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕟's post ended up becoming so popular that I not only stickied the thread, but also made it a global announcement, meaning that the thread would be seen from all around the entire forum. Many members were in agreement with this thread, that I had to take action... The word needed to be heard. Not only was the forum abandoned and no new members were joining, but also some of the old members as well stopped contributing too... One of them being...

That’s right. ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ. Throughout 2013, he was a very active user on the forum, posting on multiple threads while I was gone, and he would literally wait until I would come back onto the forum. Despite all the recent activity going on in the message boards, and the numerous topics being made, he hadn’t posted in a while, and didn’t post at all in 2014. At that time, I was worried about him, and I even thought that he was dead at one point, so we made a thread asking him to come back to the forum, as he contributed so much to the forum at hand, and even though he still didn’t return right away, we all said our piece and moved on.

While i'm on the subject of missing members of the forum, let's continue with the other users who were currently active on the forum at the time... There was 𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕫𝟚𝟘𝕛𝕒𝕣, another user on the forum. He was an asshole and a fucking prick for some reason, and I deranked him from admin to moderator of one of the forums, which was the “Recipes” forum, the forum that no one gave a shit about. I did this because, there was a thread where we were posting random images, so think of this as the “/b” board on 4chan. As we were posting, everyone participated, just like many other threads that were being posted at the time, and one of the users that happen to post on that forum was 𝕂𝕠𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕒ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕟. Now, 𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕫𝟚𝟘𝕛𝕒𝕣 wasn’t the most politically correct person on the forum, and I was a weak cuck back then, and I deranked him because he used that “derogatory” word against 𝕂𝕠𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕒ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕟, and seeing that this is the same person who deeply cared about this forum and seeing that he’s being called that word, pissed me off. When I called him out over it, he passed that word on to me, calling me that word, and that’s when I got pissed, demoted him, and banned him for 15 days. Other users called me out, saying what I did was wrong, but to me I thought it was justice.

Despite that incident however, other than that at that time, this was the most fun probably the most fun the forum has ever got in years. We talked about what we were going to dress up for Halloween, and of course, the shitposts came in, just good old times as always. We were even posting נεsυs77755 vs. Knux memes on the site, as we would take villains and heroes from popular media, and portray me as that hero and Knux as said villain, and for once in my life, I felt like an actual admin. I’ve come this far from being a child who’s fed up with being administrated on the forums, to being the administrator, and that is a powerful feeling that I have not felt in my entire life, for once, I finally got to become the leader, and the power was in my hands. Of course, while I was administrating the forum, I still watched YouTube videos, as those were primarily the two things that I've spent doing throughout the day.

All was going well, I had enjoyed my fair share of many laughs and I was really enjoying myself at the moment. Sitting at my desk, forcibly out in the open as usual, the light illuminating off of my computer screen, onto my face, I was still watching anime reviews at the time, no doubt about it and I enjoyed watching the usual, forneverworld and Chibi Reviews’ videos, sometimes just listening to them ramble on in the background as I played the Attack on Titan fangame on my shitty Dell computer, basically just enjoying my leisure time. It was around September 26th or the 28th, around 7 to 8:30 in the evening, I was browsing YouTube, and then I saw a new anime character that I had liked. So I began to take to Google, and look her up, and then… Then it happened… My heart was racing, my concentration was being broken, and I began to panic all of a sudden, it was the most tense thing I have ever felt in my life, like it was something I had never felt before in my entire life…

I had an urge. An unpleasant one; to look up gory pictures on the internet, as intruding thoughts began to invade my brain. I could not form a clear thought. The nightmare. The nightmare had just begun. It was so bad, I began to feel nauseous, and if I didn’t do what the request that the intrusive thought in my brain told me to do, then it would just haunt me. Haunt me for days to come. It didn’t matter. It could be 2 days, or even a fucking week, I could not shake the fucking thought out of my mind. Instantly, the only way to get rid of it was to do what it said, and then it would be over right? Wrong! It would play fucking games with me, if I looked up one image, then another intrusive thought would barge in and ask for another, you could not run away from this thing, and everyday, it would haunt me for weeks, turning into months, and eventually to the point of where I am today. And here we are… Just like the question at the beginning of this document, “Where did it all go wrong?”, well, here it was. The start of my panic attack journey.

This was one of the lowest points in my life, this was the fucking 9/11 of my life, the most devastating thing to have ever happen to me. It was so bad, I began to lose focus in school, I was getting bad grades, and I became mostly bedridden because of this. This was fucking robbery, this was like a fucking ransom letter. This is just like the ransomware that you get on your computer, all your files are encrypted and you got to pay up to get them unlocked, but instead, it was my freedom, peace, sound mind, and serenity that was encrypted instead… I remember just laying on the sofa in the living room, just feeling hopeless. I would listen to therapeutic, binaural beats to meditate to, just to get rid of these panic attacks, and it worked for 20 minutes, but it just came back at full fucking force, continuing to haunt me. I even had a priest come and bless the house, and I went to my local Church and asked for prayer from my pastor! I had eight pastors! EIGHT PASTORS IN TOTAL, TO GET RID OF WHATEVER DEMON WAS LURKING INSIDE OF ME, I JUST WANTED IT GONE! But to no avail, it was no use, and for months, and years to come, I would become a victim to this eternal plague... What’s even sadder, there is no cure for anxiety. The intrusive thoughts, the OCD, the absurd requests that I must do and if I don’t, it’ll result in a panic attack, it’s all fucking absurd and I still go through it to this day.

Granted, it’s not as bad now as it was when I first got it, but still, it was the worst experience that I had to go through, and I wish this on no one, not even the most horrible people in the world should deserve to go through what I went through. This is fucking hell. This is fucking purgatory. This is pure, fucking, torment. This was a war. A war, with myself… What’s even more of an insult, this happened 30 days before my 14th birthday, and I thought to myself that if this shit doesn’t go away within 10 days (leading into October), then I am fucked! And of course, it kept on, fucking me in the brain mentally, to the point where I was losing my fucking mind.

Throughout October, getting into the 31st (yes my birthday is on Halloween, don’t @ me), the panic attack saga continued, as I continuously became bedridden, being further striped of all my freedoms, and here I am thinking to myself, “What the hell did I do to deserve this”. It was a fucking nightmare, in living color. I could not contain myself. This was an inescapable wall-less prison, and I was in pure purgatory. As each day passed, my mental health began to slowly decline into what I would call "paralyzation". This phase is where I would be dedicated to my bed, and I couldn’t even use the phone. Every moment, I wanted to vomit and I was wishing that it was all a dream, but no, I was wrong, and the nightmare continued, every step of the way. It was getting worse, to the point where I had to even ground myself from the computer. I unplugged my computer, and hid it somewhere, and hoping that all of this would just subside, but of course, this only got worse, and it transferred to my phone. I was being asked to look up unpleasant pictures on the internet. I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s like this curious OCD of mine that I had to see what would happen if I do it, and if I don’t, I began to have severe panic attacks.

The rest of 2014 was shit, and my birthday was no better either. The only thing good to come out of that was me figuring out how to fix my old, dead computer. Yeah, the one where all my games were on, well come to find out, I was a fucking dumb fuck, and I fucking wish I thought of that sooner. I went on my computer, and opened up the inside of the case, once again, and yes if you don’t know, I would occasionally open up my PC case to see what’s wrong with it, and hoping I’ll be able to fix it. I opened up the PC case, and then a sudden idea hit me… Ram… What if it was the ram. I took the 8 GBs of ram out of my Dell computer and put it inside my Windows 7 computer, and then holy shit! It fucking worked! I was thinking to myself, how much of a fucking idiot I was for not figuring this shit out sooner, and everything booted up. This however, was my short minute of happiness that I’ll ever get, and I guess that’s my birthday gift… Just a few seconds of fucking happiness.

Sadly when logging in, seeing all the games that I had on my Windows 7 that was associated with that hijacked steam account, of course, I clicked on one of the icons and got an error message saying that I did not have permission to open up the applications, so it just goes to show that this PC was a computer frozen in time, all the icons that I cannot open, were taunting me. Cave Story, Terraria, TF2, all gone… To me, even though I didn’t get all my games back of course, the fact that my computer is fixed because my old ram got fried, this was a bittersweet ending for me, but sadly that didn’t change the fact that my panic attacks were going through the fucking roof, and I would go on for the next six years to endure this pain, through and through…

It wasn’t until 2015, when my panic attacks began to wear down a little bit, as I began to become stronger in surpressing those urges, and to this very day, I am the same way. It's not as strong as it used to be, but it's still there, in the back of my head, but I don't give it no attention. Occasionally, I’ll get an attack now and then, but it wasn’t as constant as it was in the past as I've gotten used to it, mostly just short breaths, but still, going through this is pure hell, and I would not wish this on my worst enemies… Well, maybe. It depends…

Chapter 20: The Tyrant Reemerges

Back to Table of Contents

While everything is up to date, and there is no point on covering everything else that had went on in my life, as that would take up more pages than needed to, I will then continue to cover the evolving state of my forum throughout the years, my experience with SMBX throughout the continuing years, and specifically discuss the arising tyrant of the forum as well.

2015 to 2018 were not good years for my forum, and knowing the fact that I had to also live with my anxiety throughout those years, it was easy to say that I was beginning to lose hope in life. Posts for the forum were declining and nobody was signing up. It got to the point where ExaltsMario was the last forum user at the time and no other user signed up after that. The forum was literally a ghost town, with very little posts from one of the users who was heavily active the year prior being thrown in now and then. This was a very dark period for me as there was literally nothing to do on this forum. It also didn’t help the fact that my hatred for anime had already settled in and I had moved on to other things.

That was until around late summer, August of 2015, a familiar face began to pop up again on the forum. I woke up one morning and decided to go on my desktop, half sleepy, as I haven’t checked my forum in a week or so, just to see if a forum which hopes of it succeeding, will never come to fruition; several new messaged were posted on my forum. It was under a different name this time however, and I was wondering who that “someone”, could’ve been as I never seen him before. Come to find out, it was ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ, and he came back, claiming to have missed me, as he was really busy with school and also, because for a short period of time, he lost interest in SMBX, and began to play games on Facebook, which explains the reason why he haven’t posted for almost two years. It had been a long time since I spoke with him and I was so happy to meet him once again!

J's supposed new profile picture...

He changed his name, as he was not referred to ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ, and instead referred to as someone else. For anonymity sake, I will not mention his real name and instead will just refer to him as, “J”. Our friendship began to grow closer and closer as I had more freedom and I was less restricted on the computer, since good news, my parents stopped restricting my PC since 2014, and I was able to regain full administrator rights to my own PC once again, meaning that I was able to spend time with J as much as my heart desires. Granted, as I had nothing much else to do on the SMBX forum and there was nothing more to talk about, I found less reasons to talk to J, as there was nothing else we can do, since the forum was a ghost town, and it was just me and J. However, because of this, I was becoming more and more interested in SMBX again because of our interaction with each other on the forum.

I began to watch more as303298 videos as usual, as I was leaning away from anime and leaning more towards SMBX again as I found nothing else to enjoy my time with, and as I began to watch more of his walkthroughs of SMBX episodes, I began to get ideas for my episode levels of TTOTET. I remember as303298 doing a walkthrough of this snow level that was made in the episode, and I forgot what it’s called, but it think it was called, Valterri’s Island 2, and seeing the snow level design in that episode refueled ideas in my head for my project. I shortly after, went to my PC and opened up the level editor and proceeded to make the next snow level for TTOTET.

This level was going to be an underground level for the snow world I was currently working on, simple enough right? However I got too cocky with designing the third section of that level. You see, the first section was just a simple entrance to an underground section, pretty self-explanatory, right? The second section of the level was just your basic underground section and you navigate through the section and find your way either to the next part of the underground cavern or just the exit of the underground level, right? Wrong! You see, this level was one of those, “I don’t know what this level should be, so I just go along with how I feel instead” levels, and that’s exactly what this level was. Literally after exiting the second section of the level, you all of a sudden, go underwater and it becomes a maze. Now, you may be saying that that’s not a bad idea, right? And yeah, you are correct, but the execution here was so poor. The level didn’t give you a reason to continue playing, instead it was just a linear level without any thought put into it, just navigating from point A to point B and unlocking doors and sections.

Also, the underwater section was visually boring, and it was just a huge maze with minimal use of scenery to pull you in, which heavily contrast the previous sections of the level. Also, this is the most tedious level as well, so if you died in this level, well, good luck, because you’re going to have to start the third section all over again, and by all over again, that includes finding all the keys, unlocking all the doors and navigating through that huge maze again. And then, at the end of the level there’s a boss, yeah because I ran out of other ideas, so I’m guessing to make up for wasting the player’s time, I’m guessing a boss was to keep them at the edge of their seats, while in actually, it’s just going to waste the player’s time even more!

The boss was even poorly designed too! Like the boss was just a Mega Man 2 Anko boss, replacing the Mother Brain boss sprite. The boss is sectioned off by a wall and there’s a hole that leads to the boss. You know where this is going… You get the shells that spawn out of the pipe, which takes a billion fucking years to regenerate, all the while avoiding the bloopers. I got to give them credit, at least that was the only challenging thing about this boss fight was the bloopers, and I think the rinkas as well, but other than that, it was just a lame boss fight.

After that, a couple days later, I made another level, and in my opinion, this was the best level in the entire episode, so far. Well the first two sections actually. The level starts out with this steep hill and throughout the level, I really like the use of the lava in those parts of the level. There were even other parts of the level where you had to swim inside of a bubble to navigate through the lava parts of the level, all the while avoiding thwomps and riding the spinecoaster on the lava, avoiding the blaargs in them. This, to me, was the best level of the entire episode. Compared to the other levels in this episode, It took the linear approach but yet expanded upon it, making it a fun experience. This level was fun because of the illusion at the beginning of the level starting out with the hills, and the level being stretched a little bit, vertically, giving the level an illusion that this level is going to be a vast, adventurous battle, and the level does just that.

In the second section, you are greeted with underwater sections, and SMB2 buried weapons, ranging from coins, power ups, to bullet bills, that you can pick up and let go, firing them towards the incoming enemies such as hammer bros. zombies, etc. The best part about it all, you are even given a black Yoshi, and you of course, you can use it to fly, shoot fireballs, and etc. However, when you get to section three, that’s when the creativity in this level is all lost once again… This section of the level throws a bunch of bosses in your way, like Mouser and Boom Boom. After you beat Mouser, you are then welcomed with a clusterfuck of a mess of level design. Random roto discs and chasing koopas, and then you climb a vine, being greeted with a then linear part of this supposed mini-castle, and then you fight Boom Boom in the most boring and generic way possible, and then the level gets even worse. You ride this platform thingy that auto-rides on this line, you know? The SMB3 platform on the line thingy? Yeah, you ride that throughout the level, avoiding podobo’s and firebars, and then it gets really bland at the end… Just jump over the blocks, and more blocks, oh there’s a couple hammer bros, got to watch out for those guys, and then an airship and then the levels over.

Overall, this level was very fun, the first two sections of it I mean, after that the level got so boring, I of course, ran out of ideas when making this level once again, so onto the next level. Oh, yeah, I forgot. There’s no next level. This was the last level, however there was that airship level that I told you about. Yeah, you remember that one, the level that I can’t for the life of me, come up with anything to put in, so I just abandoned that level for years until this point. Well, I tried to finish the level and the first parts of the level was looking really good! I updated the visuals and added nice looking landscapes and scenery, leading up to a mini airship. Mario would then ride the airship, traversing through the bigger airships that would fire enemies in your way. You have to avoid and kill those enemies as you navigate through the level, making this essentially an “invasion” type level, just like how the Invasion 2 had those levels as well. And then, at the end of the first section, Mario would’ve climbed up this chain, leading up to the bigger airship, taking you to section 2, and then you would have to traverse through all the hazards on foot, until eventually meeting the boss.

This sounds all well and good, so you may be asking why hasn’t this level been released? Well, it’s because I could not for the life of me, come up, like I said, with the airships in this game. I tried everything, but the airships in this level looked like shit. I tried everything I could to make it look interesting but, eventually I would focus my attention more to how the ships look than how the level was structured. This then caused my brain to overload with so much thought processes, that I would eventually scrap the level all together, thus further abandoning this project altogether, which was really a shame, TTOTET had so much potential and the story, even by today’s standards, is a pretty damn good one, but sadly creative block had to be a fucking bitch, so that’s where this project ends…

After creating those levels and not having enough creativity juice to continue the development of the game, I would eventually send the screenshots to the message boards, and of course, there were no replies as the forum was empty, so it was just me and J on the forum. J replied to the thread and complimented the screenshots, as usual, but other than that, there’s not that much else to say about the forum.

Around that time, I had been saving up so much money in allowances and I was hard set on getting a laptop so bad. During this time, as I was browsing on the forums, despite me being restricted to the computer room and having freedom to use the computer in my room whatsoever, my parents had been kind enough to lend me a laptop of their own, and on top of that, it ran on Windows Vista, which was great. I’m not gonna lie, Windows Vista was a great operating system to me, mostly due to the fact that it was my childhood computer right next to the Windows XP, but it was also the same system that I discovered SMBX and played most of my childhood flash games on. So this whole time, I was using the forums on my parent’s laptop.

Laptops around this time was something I always wanted to have as a kid, as I hated the fact that I had to use my computer in a stationary way, the idea of bringing a computer with you on the go without having to be restricted to one area was genius, and laptops was something that I always wanted to have, whether it be playing games, writing documents, or just surfing on the web and watching YouTube videos, so around that time, I had saved up so much money, and let me tell you… Finding a good laptop around that time, especially when my budget was around the $250 range, was a fucking bitch. Literally people were swiping laptops around the young autumn of 2015.

2015 was an interesting time in my life, as it had to be the biggest year in history. 2015 was home to a huge release in both summer blockbuster and holiday movies, such as the sad disappointment, Fan4stic, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, and that new Jurassic Park movie. Other things that happened around that same year, was Google stupidly changing their font to a bland, kiddy looking font (seriously, to this day, I don’t know why Google thought that was a good idea), and the release of Super Mario Maker. Oh yeah, also Microsoft released their current new operating system called Windows 10. Well on September 20th, 2015, it was my lucky day, and my parents finally took me to the computer shop to get me the laptop that I wanted. I remember getting in the car, having an excited smile on my face, while at the same time my heart was beating in joy. When we arrived at the store, my dad being the talkative type, he chatted with the store owner for a while and I was sitting down waiting when I was going to get the chance to buy the laptop. Well, it finally happened and I got the chance to select which laptop I want at the low, low price of $250! I was given the choice of two laptops of that price. Either an Asus laptop or a Toshiba, and even though they both ran on Windows 8, or 8.1 to be specific and it didn’t come with an optical drive for some idiotic reason, it didn’t matter to me, as long as I had a laptop, I was fucking happy. I chose the Asus, because I liked the sleek design at the time, and oh boy, I made the right choice!

The laptop that I got was an Asus X551M, and oh boy, it was the best first laptop that I’ve ever had! I happily gave my hard earned money to the store owner, we said our goodbyes, got in the car, and I was fucking hugging the box on the way home, feeling all the while victorious after my purchase! I remember briefly, as we got home, it was around six in the evening when we drove home, looking up at the cloudy sky, which was in contrast to the euphoric feelings inside of me, being illuminated with a tint of yellow, and then I saw a streak or a beam of light shine through those clouds. When I saw that, it was a visual representation that I had, indeed, achieved victory.

I got home, unboxed the laptop, set everything up, and the rest was history! The reason why I said that this was the best laptop that I have ever bought in my life was because of how fast it was. I’m not kidding, this laptop was so fast, it was able to open applications so fast within a split second, no lag, no waiting 10 seconds for apps to open, nothing. It even got to the point where I was able to fucking open multiple windows and the laptop still performed so fucking well, the only downside was the Metro feature, but that can be fixed with a simple installation of the Shell start menu. Another nice thing that came with my laptop was the webcam on the top portion of the screen, and even though Windows 8 was hated among many for it’s useless apps, to me I actually had fun with them. Granted they were apps that you played with for a brief second and never use them again, the fact that I can see my own face, live on camera was mind-blowing to me at the time, as it was something I have been missing out for a long time. Of course, after realizing that people can hijack your webcam, I did eventually cover it up with tape. While i'm on that subject, I would like to go on a brief rant for a moment and address those people that are against this idea. There’s a number of fucking purists who thinks putting tape over your webcam is a stupid idea, and I still don't get why that's the case? Which is fucking better? Having fucking tape over your fucking laptop and be safe from being hijacked, or being vulnerable to attacks all because you wanted your pretty precious little fucking laptop to look fucking beautiful. If you're one of those people who think that, then go fuck yourselves, you self entitled cunts! Hell, even the laptop that i'm typing this document on has a built-in slide feature by the webcam of the laptop that allows you to cover it after using it, so what's wrong with that?

Well anyways, another feature that my laptop came with was the microphone, which was located on the top of my laptop screen as well, right next to the webcam. As someone who hasn’t used a microphone since the old TF2 days, the idea of having a microphone come natively with your laptop was a new concept for me, and hearing my voice on my laptop was also surprising as well. So in the end, not only did I have a laptop that performs very well, but it also comes packed with cool features like a webcam and microphone, and even though that doesn’t sound surprising to some, back in 2015, this was all new to me, as I never owned a laptop before in my entire life! So then an idea popped in my head, a day later… What if… You could play SMBX on this laptop without any problems? And so I did. I got SMBX to install on my PC and luckily, the game ran pretty fine on my laptop. There were still some framerate issues, but overall the game was really buttery smooth most of the time. This is probably the fastest I got SMBX to run on my computer, well… Ever. I was surprised as you would think laptops would be pretty underpowered compared to desktops, but this laptop managed to pull it off pretty well! So of course, the version that I had installed was SMBX 1.3.0.1, and I had the Princess Cliché and The Invasion 2 to come with it by default. Playing through these episodes, the game ran very smooth, with very minor hiccups here and there, but other than that, the game ran really buttery smooth.

Then I thought about the microphone that came with my laptop and then I thought to myself, “What if I can play SMBX, and record myself!”. This was a farfetched idea at the time, as in the past, on my old YouTube channel, my Windows Vista ran very fucking slow, so the framerate was ass, so I was under the impression that it was probably not going to work, as using screen recorders will hinder and affect the framerate of the game. And affect the framerate it did. I installed Bandicam, as it was a common screen recorder used among let’s players, hell as303298 was one of the first ones to use it. So I installed the program and when I got around to using it to test and see if it would record all fine and everything, of course, when I saved the recording and then viewed it, come to find out, the framerate in the video was ass, and by bad, I mean that the framerate would hiccup every five seconds, causing the screen to freeze, and then the video would fast forward to make up for all the missed frames in the video. Also the quality was bad… Really, fucking bad. The video would blur in and out, making it hard to tell what was going on. At that point, as usual, I thought my laptop wasn’t suited for gaming, which makes sense, because this laptop was meant for surfing, however, the fact that my laptop was able to perform tasks so well and not lag at all, it didn’t add up, and so I looked up a tutorial on how to make Bandicam faster.

Holy shit, I kid you not. I watched a tutorial on messing with the settings in Bandicam, and he gave me the settings in Bandicam for those with low end PC’s, and that it would help with framerate, and when I say that it would help with framerate, I really fucking mean it. Instantly, as I began to play around with the settings, and record the footage, and eventually getting microphone to work on my laptop, I was able to create the perfect let’s play video! Framerate was running very smooth, and the microphone was not the greatest, but it’s like low budget tier okay. Finding this out was a lifesaver and shortly after, I began to make private let’s play videos, saving them to my PC and watching them back, to back, to back!

Chapter 21: The Let’s Play Channel

Back to Table of Contents

It was around October of 2015, the year that I rebought most of the games that I had lost on Steam due to my previous account being hijacked in 2014, and one of the games that I had bought was Terraria. Now, my history with Terraria was very short before this time. When I first bought Terraria, I got the original version of the game, meaning no slopes, everything was just blocks, and things were more simpler. For those who have never played the game, I’d recommend you skip this section until you see a paragraph that starts with “Throughout”, in bold.

The final bosses back then were simple, I didn’t even think there was the wall of flesh back then. The big boss back then, was the Eater of Worlds, which was this giant worm boss, and that’s about it. Later down the line the final boss had been added which was the Wall of Flesh, a boss that you fight in hell, but you’d need to have fireproof armor to survive down there and you’ll need a lot of obsidian skin potions to survive under lava. Anyways, if you defeat the wall of flesh back then, then you actually beat the entire game. All you have to do now, is just stop the corruption from spreading and for some reason the hallow (some magical rainbow land, because apparently Redegit hates happiness I guess) from spreading as well, and then that’s when you have entered Terraria Hardmode. You have to defend your house against unicorns, na'vi like fairies from Zelda, and flying snail creatures that shoot lasers… Okay.

It wasn’t until 1.2 came out when everything had changed! Redegit took the extra step in adding more content to 1.2, including new features in the game. This ranged from new events, to new backgrounds and landscapes, slopes which made the game look dynamic, because I’m guessing redegit really wanted to make this game have more rounded edges I guess, and new weather environments such as rain and wind, new biomes and of course, new bosses. I remember, when I first started this game in version 1.2, my fucking balls flew off my fucking dick in shock, seeing how much the game had changed so far, I couldn’t believe it!

As I started a new world in Terraria, because my old file got corrupted for no reason (yeah, that’s an actual thing), I was greeted with slopes in this game. Everything that I was seeing in the game at that point was a huge contrast to the older version when everything was much more simple! Even the sun was changed to a more illuminant ball of light instead of the cartoon like sun that was in the old version! The backgrounds were different with more detailed landscapes instead of simplistic hills and grass, everything had changed! There was even a new mini-map feature that was on the top right hand corner of the screen! And then, I remembered going right into the map. I was having fun, venturing, gathering wood for my house to build with until I saw red terrain on the ground...

“That was new, I never seen something like that before”, I said to myself, questioning the mere placement of such an odd colored soil.

And then it happened… I saw this spider creature darting towards me, and of course, me being an arachnophobe myself, I fucking ran as fast as I could towards my house, eventually shaking the spider off my trail. That new biome is what I would later find out to be called the Crimson, an alternate version to the Corruption. So just like how the Corruption was purple in color, the Crimson was red, oooooooooh, scary! And it’s was fucking scarier too! I thought the Corruption was scary when I first went into the biome back then, but this biome took the fucking cake! Everything’s trying to kill you, with monsters ranging from spider like creatures, to this crazy, red monster like creature on legs, to this slipper looking monster that hops around all over the place… Yeah, this place is fucked up!

Eventually, later on in the game, I would have the actual balls to face whatever hell spawn is down in the crimson, which turns out to be this like flying tentacle like brain boss, and the first time fighting this thing, I of course came unprepared. I didn’t know destroying all those little eggs in this crimson cave would spawn this giant spaghetti monster looking thing. Eventually, I came back with better armor, better equipment and finally killed the boss. I forgot what the drops were for this boss, but it does drop some weapons after you kill it, one of them being this sick looking crimson mace, that you can swing at your enemies, dealing lots of damage!

Another new boss that was added in the game was Plantera, in the jungle biome. Now, if I can remember correctly, the jungle biome was originally just this biome that you happen to come by, and you can explore its caves for lost treasure, farming certain items, and killing wasps (PTSD incoming) to get the materials needed to make a grappling hook. However, in this update, if you farm these pink bulbs in the ground, I think you have to farm like three of them, then the boss will spawn, and oh boy, if you came unprepared, let me tell you. You will get your ass kicked, now me being a fucking coward back then, I didn’t have the balls to face this boss, and me not knowing about buffs and stats, what potions to use back then, it was just one of those bosses that I didn’t bother to fight.

Then 1.3 finally came out. I remember in summer of 2015, when I first rebought this game I was greeted with this update, and holy shit, this was the big update right here. It was announced by Redegit that this would be the final version of Terraria, which is funny, I like how this version parallels the version number of SMBX, since SMBX 1.3 was also the last version of the game. The game added a bunch of new stuff, one of them being more bosses, and having an end story to the game as well. This game went all out with this one, adding minor things like new NPC’s to move in to your house and also having the ability to use their weapons to fend off enemies in the middle of night; from environmental disasters such as desert storms, and snow storms, to big changes such as adding these cult members, practicing a ritual, and then when you kill them, the whole game goes fucking apeshit! Adding in pillars that you have to destroy, which is very fucking hard by the way. I got my ass kicked many times trying to destroy these things. I had to farm a bunch of materials for potions to fend off these fucking bosses. When you destroy one, you get one of the best fucking materials in the fucking game! These materials can be used to craft damn near, end game items. For example, one of the pillars in the game is this fire based pillar, and if you destroy it, the materials that it gives you (that being Stardust), can be used to craft weapons from a javelin (which does 200 fucking damage, by the way), a fucking flaming yo-yo thingy that can deal around 180 – 230 damage per hit, and best of all, a summoned pet.

Now for those who don’t know, this game has pets that you can summon, usually through some sort of relic or staff, and that pet can be used as either a mount or it can fly by your side where ever you go, and it can fend off enemies while doing so. This fucking pet that you get after killing the fiery pillar is fucking OP to the max. Dealing literally around 50 fucking damage, every five milliseconds, and on top of that, right after it kills one enemy, it zooms towards another immediately, doing the same thing. This was the best thing to have in the game and can be really useful for killing bosses, or just farming in general!

So, it was the summer of 2015, June to be exact. I went to my local Walgreens and picked up a Steam gift card, after riding my bike and crossing the street as I was really dedicated to buying back all my games on Steam. When I arrived home, I did my thing, and bought Terraria and the game was finally mine and in my possession. Starting the game up again and seeing the game that I once had on my hijacked account was a breath of fresh air, and I can’t believe I’m able to relive the experience again. I started the game up, seeing that Re-Logic logo pop up again, and I was presented to the title screen, with the version saying 1.3 at the bottom right. Everything had changed, even the loading screen when creating the new world in the game was different, with instead of a percentage counter, it was replaced with a progress bar and I thought that was kind of neat.

The game had finally started, and once again I was presented with a breath of fresh air. The guide in the game was useful for once. To be honest, I never understood why people hated the guide in this game, he can be helpful and it’s useful for lazy people like me who don’t feel like pulling up the wiki for this game, as he literally outlines the recipes for you in the game! Well anyways, I began looking for some wood, I used the axe that was already in my inventory to chop down some trees and I began building a house, while my guide was walking around, being a dumbass.

It wasn’t until nighttime when I went inside just in time, building the walls and everything. I was waiting for the guide to come inside, but he kept stalling around. Then, the zombies started appearing from the right side of the screen, and I was like, “This guide is stupid”. Then he did the unthinkable! He started firing arrows at the zombies, dealing lots of damage! After that, he then went inside! I was surprised after seeing that, and I would later realize that all the NPC’s in this game are now able to defend themselves from hostile enemies in this game, which is nice of Redegit to do, because I was so tired of my NPC’s dying, defenseless, so kudos to him.

It was at that point, I have decided to be serious about it. I decided to try and beat Terraria! I’ve spent my entire summer, farming weapons, building a bigger home, finding new weapons and treasure chests, spelunking in caves, dealing with stupid fucking bats, and of course, defeating every boss in the game! I’ve spent hours, grinding for weapons, killing a lot of enemies to get coins! I’ve put in around 500 hours in this game, grinding for money and putting my hard earned money in the piggy bank, from all the bosses in this game that I’ve killed. I’ve had so many gold coins, to the point where it was reaching platinum, which basically equaled to around 100 gold coins.

I went all in, killing every boss, starting from the Eye of Cthulhu, to dealing with the Eater of Worlds, and then eventually Skeletron and the Wall of Flesh! After that, I went a step further and killed all the hardmode bosses, which are basically metallic versions of previous bosses, but with more health and having more attacks, such as Skeletron Prime, The Destroyer (Eater of Worlds), and the Mechanical Twins (Eye of Cthulhu). I even took care of the other bosses besides them, like King Slime, a boss that spawns during a raining slime event, Plantera, and then, finally, the boss before the end game bosses… The Lihzahrd temple boss. This boss was very hard, I had to set five camp fires across the room, and just spray and pray with all the buffs that I had on me, that the boss would die before I do. The temple is very hard in itself to get into, as even with the strongest pickaxe or drill in the world cannot mine the blocks to get inside the temple. You need a key, to get inside the temple, and when you finally do, you can defeat the final boss.

But, it wasn’t over yet, I had to fucking farm so many more items to make the tools needed from killing the Lihzahrd boss. After that, I didn’t know what else to do. I was thinking to myself. Is this it, was that the final boss? There were no bosses after that. So I gave it a break for a few months. In August of that same year, I decided to get back into Terraria. I didn’t know what else to do, so I began flying all around the map, fucking around with the items that I got from killing that boss and then, I decided to go to the dungeon, as I wanted to see what I missed, searching for treasure chests within, that is when I saw this… Something that i've never seen before... There was a group of cloaked figures, worshiping this like pentacle looking thing. I decided to be a dick and kill one of them, and then, that’s when the fight started.

All of a sudden, the game decides to go fucking apeshit, and killing all of the cult members, summoned this like cult priest, as it was being surrounded by a magical circle. It began teleporting around the screen, trying to kill me, firing projectiles at me. Of course, I came unprepared and I died because of it. I came back with potions this time, and fought the boss again, and then I finally killed it. I was like, “What the fuck was that!?”. That’s when some ominous message popped up in the bottom left corner of the screen, telling me that something big had just happened on the map. That’s when I thought to myself… Shit just got real! That’s when I began to explore the map, and without even blinking, I began to become bombarded with enemies with more HP than me, and dealt way more damage, and I died on my way back to my house. I was like, “What the fuck just happened!?”. Come to find out, killing the cult priest will spawn these four pillars, and then that’s when I realized, the endgame had just begun.

I never died so much in my entire history of playing Terraria, it was insane. I eventually got smart however and dug a trench underground, and fended off the enemies that way, as thankfully they cannot clip through blocks, thank fucking God. I took down the first fucking pillar which was this fire pillar thing (Solar Pillar), and I got this new material called, Stardust. That’s when I discovered that I was able to craft these fucking endgame items. With the materials farmed from the Solar Pillar, I crafted this javelin thingy, that dealt 200 damage, however sadly, little did I know, this was the worst weapon to use as it takes awhile to fire another javelin, and by the time you do, you would be dead before you could throw the next one. Also the javelin can’t clip through blocks, meaning that I wouldn’t be able to defeat the other pillars. I realized that I should’ve gotten the yo-yo one. So I exited the game, created another world, killed the summoner in that one (don’t worry, you can create another world, and keep the current items you have), and then farmed some more stardust from the fire pillar again, and then I crafted the yo-yo.

I went back to the original world, and I was able to take care of the other ones with ease. I destroyed all the pillars and then when I destroyed the last one, I got an item from that pillar. It was the item used to summon the Moon Lord. Yeah, that’s right! The final, fucking, boss! I remember being fucking scared actually, realizing that I’ve gotten this far into the game, there was no point in stopping now. After two days of consideration, I finally got the courage to fight the final boss. After watching a tutorial on YouTube for a strategy guide beforehand, I finally was confident enough to fight the Moon Lord. This was it, this was the milestone in my life, and I went all in, guns blazing. I equipped every potion, every buff, every stat boost item, and then placed a bunch of fireplaces, and then… The Moon Lord! This was it! This was the final boss.

I then pulled out the item that I farmed from the final pillar that I had just destroyed, and then here it was… I summoned the boss. I flew up to the sky, hurrying up, as the world began to turn gray, and the ground began to shake, the game telling me the shit is about to get, fucking, real. All of a sudden the background became dark, and then, the final boss, it was this giant gray, Cthulhu, alien looking thing. The strategy was to take out it’s hands, it’s ribcage, and then finally, his head. I managed to do all of this, however, overtime, my health began to decline very fast, and I was beginning to lose confidence, but no… I powered on, I kept firing back, throwing everything that I can, and fought as hard as I could! Tooth and nail! And then, right when my health was 20 points away from death, I did it... I beat the fucking game! I remember, just sitting back in my chair, as the screen illuminated to white, exploding and everything, a tear had rolled down my eye. I had finally defeated the hardest boss in the entire game, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe for one minute, due to how shocked I was to have defeated this boss. This was the milestone in my life, and I had just required a new bragging right, and that right was, “I defeated the Moon Lord in Terraria”.

The endgame item you get after defeating the Moon Lord varies, one of them being the Mana Prism. This was the item that I always wanted, and even though I didn’t get it, I did the unthinkable. I went back and killed the Moon Lord, five times. FIVE MORE TIMES! And of course, I didn’t get it, but it didn’t matter to me, I was just happy that I completed the entire game! The best item I did get after all those attempts however was the Portal Gun, and I was so happy to get it. I shot portals and fucked around, flying and flinging myself towards other parts of the world, and pretty much used it in every biome in the game, fucking around with the thing, it was so much fun! And yeah that’s that. That was it, the game that I never thought I would beat, is finally over. I never felt so accomplished in my entire fucking life.

Throughout the rest of the dying summer, I had nothing else to do, and I was bored as hell. I had just beaten Terraria and I didn’t know what else to do besides that, so I began doing more private let’s plays to myself on my laptop, so I could have fun. I loved doing this, because it helped me vent how I feel during that time, and whenever I’m in a depressed mood, I would always do let’s plays to myself just so I can let it all out. This really helped me cope with my growing anxiety at the time, and I would create marathons of videos all to myself, part, after part, after part. I did a let’s play of the Great Castle Adventure around October of that same year, and it was unprofessional, to say the least. I had the radio blaring in the background as I did those let's plays and the reason for this was because my parents were in the other room, so I didn't want them to hear the occassional "fucks" and "shits" given in the video. However, when I look back at it, it was unprofessional, to say the least.

Around this time, this was the most fun I had while playing an SMBX episode, because if you didn’t know, when I was younger and around the time when as303298 was pumping more videos than nowadays, I used to improvise narration, despite having no mic at the time, while playing my SMBX episodes as well. I always find pleasure out of doing this, because I did this as if I was practicing my narration while I was playing on my laggy Windows Vista PC at the time, so this was essentially the same thing, but this time with a microphone.

I recorded around 8 parts to the Great Castle Adventure episode all to myself, just one part, after the other and I did all of that until I felt sleepy enough to stop the recording session all together. After that, I would just play back those videos that I had recorded, as if I was watching a movie. I would do this when I’m bored, and I was just stocking up on self-entertainment videos to come back to and watch whenever the day is going slow and whatever. Then that day came. It was November, and I had gotten out of school and I decided to watch one of the videos that I had recorded to myself. I then realized to myself how golden my commentary was and I thought to myself that maybe I could upload this to YouTube. I didn’t have the balls to record my voice and have it be heard to the public, but this day however, things were about to change.

I set up a new YouTube account, and I named it 𝕛𝕒𝕪𝟟𝟟𝟟𝟝𝟝. For those who didn’t know, while I was running my forum at the time, I began to mature and I began to regret the use of the name, “נεsυs77755”, as it was associated with religious connotations, remember, this was my dad’s account, and I come from a religious family as well. So I named it to just simply, 𝕛𝕒𝕪𝟟𝟟𝟟𝟝𝟝. I then recorded a five minute video of me introducing myself to the platform, announcing what the plans are going to be for the channel, and that I was going to do reviews of all the levels that were submitted to the forum by my members. I thought this was a good move on my part, because this would be the very first time I could get to interact with my fans, and my members on the forum. I also did this because I wanted more traffic on the forum at the time, and the fact that you have a YouTube channel, advertising your website in the video description, you would think that would rack in members, left and right? Nope. Just the opposite. Of course, getting big on YouTube is very hard, as editing and good content would come into play with that; nobody gave a shit about my videos.

However, to me, this was seen as a good thing ironically, because I’ve always had a fear of being popular. Like being popular and having a huge fanbase is one thing, but then having to also deal with your haters is another, so I always tried my hardest to remain obscure on the platform, where it’ll just be me and the people that I currently know on the platform. After introducing myself and uploading my video to YouTube, I then uploaded the very first part of my private let’s play series, The Great Castle Adventure, after the success of the first video that was put onto the platform. Seeing my first video, and seeing the fact that my voice is finally going to be heard to the public was a big thing for me at the time, and it was the first risk that I finally took in my life. Shortly after uploading the video, the first part of The Great Castle Adventure was now available to the public, and then the unthinkable happened... My account got terminated!

I was unsurprisingly, fucking shocked when this happened. I was thinking to myself, what the fuck I did wrong, it was just an innocuous video of me recording the first part of a let’s play series? YouTube emailed me the termination of my account and that the reason for that termination was because the content that I uploaded was considered spam. First of all, how the fuck does a ten-minute video of me commentating over a fucking let’s play video, count as fucking spam!? So, in order to get my account back, I then had to verify my account with my phone number in order to keep my account. This was fucking bullshit and sadly, I had to oblige. I gave my fucking phone number and then after a couple minutes, my account was back on the platform. This back then, to me was the scariest situation I had to go through, because I had never gone through an account termination in my life, so seeing this was new to me.

After being relieved at the fact that my account was finally back on the platform, I then announced my channel on the ghost town of my forum, and in the Off-Topic Discussions section of the forum, I would be announcing my YouTube channel there. Of course A day later, of course the first response that i've gotten on that thread through that dead forum was J. He was excited to hear the news that I created a YouTube channel, and put so much faith in me to continue doing let’s plays on my channel. He flocked to my channel and subscribed to me of course, and commented on the video as usual. This was the first step to connecting with my members on the forum and also the next step to increasing friendship with J, as for many years to come, I began to continue being oblivious to what this tyrant truly is…

Shortly after, I'd began uploading more videos to the channel, my motivation for uploading videos were high back then, and every couple days, I would continue to upload videos on the channel, as I maintained a decent following on the channel, and by following, I mean having like 10 subscribers at the time. I was doing good, and I would continue where I last left off on the Great Castle Adventure, as I had uploaded all the pre-recorded stuff on the channel. As I continued with the Great Castle Adventure, I started to find that my commentary was starting to decline and it wasn’t as entertaining as the first eight episodes that I had put on the channel. Most of the commentary after that began to become stale, as I was coming up with unfunny jokes in an attempt to make the audience laugh, but in the end it wasn’t funny. Other times I would doze off and lose interest in the commentary at hand, not knowing what to say, making the episode utterly pointless.

As I continued pumping out videos, I'd began to lose interest in making videos for TGCA altogether. My commentary began to become stale, and I just didn’t feel like myself at that moment. Most of the episodes that I was uploading to the platform were just filler to say the least and I just sounded uninterested in most parts. I took a break from YouTube altogether because of that and I just didn’t feel the need to upload more episodes for a while.

However, this didn't stop there. I was on my phone one day, browsing YouTube, until I saw a Mafia II playthrough with an intriguing thumbnail that caught my eye at the time. I thought to myself, “I haven’t played Mafia II in a while, so why not?”. I gave the video a shot and that was the day I discovered, SpiersTheAmazingHD. He was a YouTuber who does showcases of mods and fucks around in GTA V. I remember watching his video on Mafia II of him just commentating and fucking around in the game, showcasing the DLC in the game, doing the missions now and then while making funny jokes. I remember watching this and seeing how funny his videos were as I used to binge watch his Mafia II and GTA videos, sometimes rewatching them just to get a laugh out of them again. Watching these videos were refreshing and for a while, it motivated me to start doing let’s plays again. I eventually got back into uploading the Great Castle Adventure episodes.

My motivation soared through the roof because of Spiers, giving me new ideas on how to make a commentary more entertaining. I was doing good, and I was beginning to sound more enthusiastic in the playthroughs of TGCA. I was also implementing the use of jumpcuts in my let’s plays, something that is not usually seen in playthroughs; and I was using that heavily, making Gabe Newell jokes and the like. Looking back on it, it didn’t age well and as usual, it was okay at best, but most of my early videos at the time was “meh”, which is common among creators who’s just first starting out. When I reached around part 20, I just stopped playing the game in general. The reason for that was the fact that the game was beginning to irritate me. I was starting to show signs of irritation throughout the let’s play of TGCA, more specifically, the dungeon level.

The episode had the tendencies to repeat the same gimmicks over, and over again, and it just got tiring after a while. Like for example, one section would have platforms rising from the lava, and then that section would repeat that gimmick over, and over again, without any variety, or increase in difficulty back then. I know this game is old, and it was released around the time that SMBX first came out, but that’s no excuse, and going through this same gimmick was beginning to fucking irritate me, to the point where that level was actually the reason why I put the series on hiatus.

When I reached around Part 20, I didn’t know what to do after that. The game was so confusing, and there’s no indication where the player needs to go in order to progress the story. I was stuck at one level, because the game wasn’t clear enough on how to beat it, as most of the levels in this game were fetch quests and mundane puzzles that made you want to pull your fucking hair out. Most certainly, that one level in Part 19 I think of TGCA, where you go in this cave, and you spin jump on this podobo, at the right time, three times! THREE FUCKING TIMES! At the right time, else if you fuck up, you’d end up spin jumping in the lava. When you do reach the end of the level, you meet a talking Goomba that warns you not to let this toad free, since he’s imprisoned in some kind of cell, and if you do, you’ll face the consequences. I didn’t listen and hit the switch the let him go, and the Goomba did nothing… I went up to talk to the toad and all he does is thanks you for letting him go, and then tells you to find a star hidden somewhere in this cave. THERE’S NO STAR!

What? Does the fucking game expect you to find the star on your own, and while you could say that I could’ve looked up on how to beat the level, I shouldn’t have to resort to that. When a game’s puzzle is so hard that you have to look up online walkthroughs on how to complete it, then that’s bad level design, and that’s what most of these levels were in this game, mostly bad level design without any thought put into it whatsoever! I couldn’t even put out the 21st episode, because I was running around the castle like a fucking idiot, wondering where I should be going, and after going through so much shit like the fucking monotonous ghost levels, I’d have enough of this fucking game, so I never made future series for that game since.

After being done with this episode, I took a break from TGCA, or as I used to refer to it in my let’s plays, “The Great Cancer Adventure”, I began to do a showcase of my favorite, childhood flash games. Being a 2000’s kid myself and having nothing else while I was a kid, what else could be done but to do a showcase on the flash games htat i've played growing up as a kid. The name of this series at the time was called “Flash Games Corner”, and I would like, depending on the game, do up to mostly ten minutes of gameplay. The games that I’ve covered on my channel were games like Fancy Pants Adventure: World 1, an instant classic, the shitpost of a game called Super Mario World Hardcore which is basically a flash game with shit gameplay where you're mario running around with a gun killing enemies, and Windows Doors, a Windows Vista parody game made by Archon86.

Windows Doors was the longest video that I’ve ever done on my channel, which is surprising, because not only was I able to accomplish the fact that I put my voice on the platform, but I was able to also upload over an hour of playthrough. The video was self-explanatory, it was just me doing a walkthrough of the game, ranging from covering the beginning of the game, with the set up, to exploring the operating system, and I’d have to say. A flash game, ON NEWGROUNDS especially, that manage to closely emulate a Windows operating system is the most astonishing thing that I’ve ever heard, and it goes to show that Archon86 pushed the boundaries on this one.

The game if you can’t tell, was a parody of Windows Vista, as during that time, many people were upset with Windows Vista, and supposedly Archon86 happened to be one of them, because he went out his way to make a FUCKING, almost exact replica of the operating system! Knowing the fact that this was 2009, and the gameplay for this game (if you can call it that) is still dated ( I hate that word) for a game from that time, i’m surprised how he was able to acquire all the assets of Windows Vista, and throw it in the game. This game must’ve taken a long time to make, and the fact that it took me an hour to do a video on this game must’ve shown that this guy had put so much effort and detail into the game. There are so many hidden easter eggs, that would be way to much to cover in this document, but if you want to check out a good flash game, check out Windows Doors by Archon86!

As of 2021, as I write this and also editing this entire document for grammar fixes and all that, sadly Flash at of this time has been obsolete due to many browsers ruling out the plugin altogether. So instead, if you want to really play this game, I'd recommend that you download Flashpoint, an emulator that has a huge library of archived flash games to play, Windows Doors being one of them.

While I’m on that topic, I was also doing showcases of my member’s levels from the forums. Most of them being from J himself, as he posted very often on my forum. I’m serious, he used to spam the literal shit out of the fucking levels forum, to the point where hardly any other user posted on that forum. When no one was posting in levels forum and was busy posting mostly in the projects forum, J would post a huge collection of posts, one after the other! It was fucking relentless, and he would continuously pour in this huge amalgamation of posts on the levels forum, it was insane! Granted, I hardly played any of them, and I only played two of them, due to the sheer abundance of posts from this guy, I carried along, and did an episode showcase of them. Remember, my channel was growing and as I had stopped doing episodes for TGCA, I began to turn to SMBX levels to pad out the absence of videos on my channel.

While I forgot the names of these episodes, I did have fun with some of them. The first episode I did a showcase on the channel was this night time, SMB1 level that was hard as fuck. I’m not fucking kidding, the level was so hard, all he did was spammed bullet bills, FIVE FUCKING LAKITUS (seriously, who does that?), poison mushrooms and so many fucking hammer bros. all at the same fucking time. Oh yeah, and when you reach the goal, he had the AUDACITY! The audacity to throw in the final bullet bill before the end goal, just to throw the player off even more, fuck you J! Granted, you might say that I’m a pussy, because I suck at the game and that I need to get better, but to me, the level was just hard. So many things going on at once, and especially in a showcase like this, I just didn’t have time for it.

The other level that I did a cover on was this one duckhunt level where, instead of shooting at ducks, you simply jump on top of them, as the ducks want to kill you for some reason. If you don’t know, this level was actually done by rahr480. Yeah! You remember him? He was the same guy who did the banner for my SMBX episode, The Tale of the Evil Twins, so I guess to commemorate him, I decided to do a showcase of that level out of respect for what he did for the forum. The ducks in this game basically replaced the chasing koopas, yeah those fucking bastards. It’s very short and simple, just jump on the ducks, and noticeably, there’s a duck counter at the bottom, indicating how many ducks you have killed, though they only increment in twos instead of one’s, as this is just a round for survival, and then once you kill them all, you win the game. It’s an innocuous, fun little minigame, so I’ll give it a pass.

Throughout early to mid-2016, as I finally regained the confidence to play SMBX episodes again; The Invasion 2 was the next episode that I did a let’s play on, and oh boy, most of the playthroughs in this series was actually the best. The commentary was golden, and while some of it is just eyerolling at worst, overall the commentary was really timeless and even when I watch now, I can still enjoy it without having to roll my eyes everytime something stupid is said on screen. This was also, the first episode that I did a let’s play of that featured a world map, something that we didn’t see in TGCA. Playing this episode was a huge refresher because all the levels in this episode were made by Redegit himself, and they didn’t feel unprofessional at all!

I actually had fun doing a let’s play of this episode, as it makes sense, it’s the default episode that comes with SMBX, so why wouldn’t you do a let’s play of it? The series was also pretty short, and I also mean that literally in a few sentences. The playthroughs basically covered half of, if not, entire worlds per part, meaning that the first episode, I completed the entirety of the first world without breaking it into parts, making the video essentially 20 minutes. I would continue on to do this, same with world 2, granted it took me until part 3 to complete it, but basically, I crammed as much as I could per part, but while at the same time I was doing this, it was an overall fun experience, and I actually had fun commentating.

For some reason however, after part 3, I stopped uploading in 2016, and the reason why that is was simple. I was pre-recording all of the other parts and I was doing really good. Part 4, I covered world 3, and that was the most fun I’ve ever had doing a let’s play of that episode. The rest of the parts were basically self-explanatory, I began to finish all the levels, completing each world, finding secret exits and such. World 6 is when I had the most fun, and doing the forest levels gave me pure nostalgia and I wish I could go back and relive that experience again. It’s the Raw Forest theme from Super Mario RPG, and it would play in the background of most of the levels, while the levels themselves are just as charming. I even got to the final level of that world, and I wanted to show a game breaking glitch that, if you don’t know, you can eat Mouser with Yoshi! Yeah, I’m not kidding, you can approach Mouser, and just eat him as a whole, and the boss is defeated just like that! However, getting through that level and avoiding the hammer bros. and Lakitus was really hard, so I had no choice but to put in cheats to show off the level.

So, all was going well, so you may be asking, “What the hell went wrong?”. Well, one night I was doing a let’s play of World 7, which was this beach world, and I was hyper as usual in my commentary, and as I began to make a joke about me, stupidly pretending to bang on my laptop in frustration, but I did it in a playful way, the weight of my arm and the pressure of it was so fast, I’d end up shutting off my laptop by accident. In a panic, I turned on my laptop and luckily everything was fine. Everything booted up perfectly, and granted I was upset that I wasted an entire commentary that would’ve been golden, but no I had to be stupid and do that; I was then back to the desktop, just like where I last left off once again. I had decided to continue where I last left off, so I opened up Bandicam and I started up SMBX and loaded the game once again. The title screen played, everything was going fine and then I continued where I last left off in the Invasion 2. As I played through the game, for some reason the game was really lagging, like really bad!

I was getting low framerates up the ass, and I couldn’t explain why it was acting up all of a sudden. I loaded up task manager, and set it to high priority, hoping that it would fix the problem, but nope. It still insisted. I then loaded up a random level and then tried running and jumping around the level, hopefully trying to shake off the lag, but it was no use, the game kept running at a low framerate. So I thought to myself that maybe this was just a bad running build of the program and maybe I need to restart it. So I did just that, I exited out of the game and then reopened it again, and then, you son of a bitch… Loading the Invasion 2 save file, now prompted me an error message… It was a runtime error, yeah, one of those fucking things. The fucking error that ruins every fucking game, and this is one of them. After clicking the OK button, the game closed on me and there was nothing I could do. I reopened the game multiple times to see if the problem would fix itself, but nope, I kept getting runtime errors.

At this moment I realized that my save file had been corrupted and there was no use in continuing on at this point. All those levels, all those secret exits that I had completed, it was all gone, and all those videos would remain frozen in time, never to be uploaded. Watching those videos to me back then was the equivalent of watching a movie with no ending, and there would be no resolve to that issue. I reinstalled SMBX, and even installed the latest version at the time, 1.3.0.1, since I was using the original, SMBX 1.3 at the time, and then took the save file in the original Invasion 2 folder and pasted it in the newly installed SMBX version, and still no luck… I opened the save file in the game after it booted up, and still… Runtime error as usual, so at this point I had lost all hope and there would be on a huge hiatus on my channel for almost two years…

I did not stop uploading there though, even though SMBX was not cooperating with me at the time, shortly after I did let’s plays of Terraria and even did coverages of my own episodes! However, the Terraria let’s play did not take off, because first of all, the game is fucking huge, and completing the game would take a millennia to complete, so the series was scrapped after the first part all together. However, I did do a coverage of my own episodes, covering Mario’s Epic Days, and saying how crap they were. Basically they were just me playing through my older episodes, critiquing the past decisions that I made and inputting how I would improve those episodes by today’s standards; but even then, after uploading those episodes, I just stopped uploading all together. It was too much for me, and I couldn’t still get over the defeat that I had lost the save file that I had put all my dedicated time and effort into recording let’s plays for, so for me, I was fucked…

Chapter 22: The Game Dev Journal

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Let me go back in time and just say that ever since I was a little kid, I had always wanted to be a game developer, and that’s primarily the reason why I love Nintendo, I owe them a lot for building up my childhood, helping me with my depression and anxiety, and inspiring me to become a game developer myself! It’s also the primary reason why I got into SMBX and even started this whole forum, everything that was mentioned here in this document goes all the way back to Nintendo. Hell, I still love Nintendo right now, and even though they have made many dumb decisions like, yeah why would you require people to install an app to use voice chat, when you might as well call up your friends on skype and get the same result, in the end, I still love them as a company, and I owe them a lot for what they had done in my life. It’s like, if there’s one thing that I respect about Japan, it’s Nintendo and their will to innovate and revolutionize the industry.

But ever since I was a young kid, as I was a person who grew up playing flash games before getting my Nintendo DSi, I never saw any purpose in playing any video games, as I thought they were just like flash games, a tool that is used to waste time. I thought back then, why should I spend money on a game, when I could just play it for free, but I was wrong. It wasn’t until I got my first Nintendo DSi on my 10th birthday, and with it came New Super Mario Bros., and oh boy, I have never been so happy and had so much fun playing a video game in my entire life. It was at that moment, where I started to love video games and I began to grow a passion for them. Granted, I was no stranger to video games, as I previously played video games, my very first one being LEGO Star Wars: The Original Trilogy, and granted, it is still holds a special place in my heart, it doesn’t compare to the pure charm that comes from Nintendo games itself, and my love for video games and my desire to make them was starting to grow, all thanks to them.

Playing New Super Mario Bros. on my Nintendo DSi when I was 10 years old at the time gave me an idea. After playing through the game and replaying the levels, re-experiencing the fun within the game, I then had a bright idea… I wanted to make my own video game… The concept of a video game and how it was made, had always puzzled me. I always used to think it was magic, and the fact that I can move a character on screen was jaw-dropping to me. As a kid, I already understood the concept of films and how they were made at the time, as I already knew what a camera was at the time, and it captured what the actors did on set, but the fact that you can control a character on screen at anytime, without the fact that everything was scripted and the character is always ready, available for you to move him at anytime was astounding! I thought to myself, I wanted to make a video game too! And I did, because you see, I had an idea, I had a vision...

After the fact that I loved Nintendo games so much and I loved New Super Mario Bros., I always wondered what it was like to create your own video game. The fact that you can create any character you want and place it in the level editor at your will, and use all the assets at your arsenal, made me want to create video games even more, it almost in a way, makes you feel like a God. This whole world that you created, and the fact that you can manipulate things on screen with a push of a button, it was a genius concept, and so, I had a vision. A vision to make a platformer. When I got off from school, I would go in my room, get a notebook and then sketch all the ideas I had at that time for the game that I always wanted to make. Like I said, I was huge into drawing, and I still draw to this day, so me? I would draw all the ideas I had for my video game character, all the enemies and bosses in the game, and even the level designs.

When New Super Mario Bros Wii came out, and seeing the trailer for the first time, especially the rotating blocks, and amazing level design, I wanted to play that game so badly, and because of that, this further heightened my motivation to come up with new ideas for my game that I wanted to make. I won’t list the name of the game here because of privacy reasons, but let’s just refer to the game as Insect Mashers for the time being. Granted, being relatively young back then, and not knowing any better, it was an obvious rip-off of Super Mario of course, because I loved Nintendo so much back then. The game was an action side-scroller, where the main player is equipped with a bug spray, and the enemies are… Wait for it. The flies in this game are like Goombas, and the snails replaced Koopas. Granted, I was also inspired by Fancy Pants Adventure at the time I came up with those ideas, so my love for flash games were still fresh in me.

Basically, the story was simple, the Queen Bee has stolen all the pollen in this peaceful village and it’s up to the Mash Brothers to stop her. So basically, instead of Princess Peach, you have to get all the pollen back from the Queen Bee, defeat her and then bring it back to the village, basically a simple story all together. To my ten-year old self however, this idea had potential and I began to sketch more ideas for this game. I would spend hours in my room, just coming up with ideas, how the levels would look, how the boss rooms would be designed and how the boss mechanics would work in the game. And then one day, I finally decided to make the decision. I finally decided to pull the trigger… I wanted to make a goddamn video game, and actually learn how it’s made. Inside of me, there was this sudden urge to make my dream come true, so I pulled up Google, and looked up software for making video games back then.

Looking through Google and being a ten-year old kid who didn’t even know what the word, “programming” was, I ignored any results that didn’t stick out to me like C++, C#, Java, Python, etc. So I kept on typing in phrases like, “How to make a video game”, and “Best software to make a video game”. It wasn’t until one day, the first result popped up on the Google results, it was a Softonic page containing the download link to Game Maker 8.1 Lite. Seeing this for the first time interested me, and then I clicked on the page to find out more about this software. I was then surprised, as it was everything that I wanted to know about making games, as this software (obviously) was dedicated to making video games! It was made by Yoyo Games, and it would later go on to be renamed to Game Maker Studio, the most recent version being Game Maker Studio 2, however this version was a whole different animal.

After downloading the file, and going through the usual installation, there it was. On my desktop, the application for Game Maker 8. Opening it up for the first time, everything was different. The best way to describe it was, there was a sidebar to the right which had a tutorial on making your first game, which I ignored, and on the left there is your resource tree containing folders such as Sprites, Backgrounds, Objects, Scripts, etc. I didn’t even know what a sprite was, nor did I know what everything was, so me being ten back then, I opened up YouTube and of course, during that time, all the tutorials used notepads, no microphones; and Dreamscape by 009 Sound System.

I typed in on YouTube for a tutorial on how to make a Super Mario game, as I was really into Mario, and like I said, this was during the time before I knew about emulators, so for now, before achieving my vision, I wanted to make an exact replica of SMB3 from SMAS. So I pulled up a tutorial, and it was a partial series on how to make a Super Mario game. I don’t remember how he made the game, but for those who don’t know there was two ways to make a game in Game Maker. The first way is making the game from scratch using GML (Game Maker Language), a built in language where you use their functions, scripts, etc. to write the code for the game, a common and recommended method for making games as it teaches you good programming practices; the other way is using DnD (Drag and Drop, not Dungeons and Dragons) where you can drop in blocks and set certain speed of certain objects, and other blocks that does specific things like making something move up and down, or left and right. This is usually recommended for beginners who are new to Game Maker and are not familiar with programming.

Back then, seeing all of this was all Greek to me and I did not know a single thing about Game Maker, as I was one of those people who just watched the video and copied everything that was presented to me on screen without looking much further into it, to see how it works. I watched the tutorial and just copied everything that the person was doing in the video, and knowing the fact that this was around 2009-2010, there was no narration and instead it was just some guy moving the mouse around without any explanation, so that was even worse. I was six parts in if I can remember correctly, and I had completed the entire tutorial on the Mario series. I remember being finished with the project, as I was happy with the game that I had made, however looking back on it, it was fucking half-assed as shit. No variable jump height, no run button, just a simple move left and right, however I do believe this was due to me not following the tutorial correctly and just caring more about the playable character that moved left and right, not giving any insight into how the program worked, learning new codes, etc.

I do remember most of this being drag and drop, and while I still don’t know how drag and drop works as I focused more towards learning GML, I just didn’t give a shit back then, I just dragged whatever the video told me to drag in. As I went on to make more games with the program, my knowledge ended with the video I just told you by hand, so I would literally base all my knowledge on that one video that I had just watch and applied it to every other project that I worked on, this would later turn out to be a failure and my development history would not go no further than one project.

I didn’t even know how to import sprites correctly, as I didn’t know the concept of using the nearest neighbor option, so stretching sprites and upscaling them usually resulted in blurriness. I didn’t even know about importing sprite sheets and cutting out all the sprites from the sheets, didn’t know about making the background transparent by using the magic wand tool, and I didn’t even know how to make a sprite change when you pressed certain keys in game, meaning that Mario was literally facing right the entire fucking time! Speaking of Mario, when I said that I wanted to replicate the SMAS version of SMB3, well I didn’t know how to import sprites from sprite sheets at the time, so I kid you not! I literally replicated the SMB3 Mario sprite in the sprite editor, pixel by pixel until I had an SMB3 Mario. Also, due to the fact that I had to do this with every other Mario sprite, I did not feel like going through that shit, so I just left it as the default Mario sprite, forever facing right, regardless of jumping or moving left.

During my interest in SMBX as a whole, especially throughout 2011, the sole reason why I loved the game, as mentioned before, was the fact that you can make your own levels in SMBX, meaning that my dream had finally come true, as I can create any Mario level just like I wanted. I used SMBX as a tool throughout most of the decade to help me become a great level designer, and teach me how to create eye-catching levels over time. But as time will tell, apparently, and especially because of my panic attacks, that wouldn’t become the case sadly…

I went back to Game Maker 8 shortly after and decided to make my own game for real this time… Under the same game that I made before, to be honest though, that first Mario game was just a practice test, so for reals, I literally just copied and pasted the code from the Mario game that I made to my own game. As I went on to create my own sprite, I did not know how to change the sprites direction when you moved the player left or right, so I went to the export sprite button, and then immediately, there was a huge selection of default sprites that came packed in Game Maker. I couldn’t chose any sprites that faced right or left, so I picked the skeleton sprite that came with it. The skeleton sprite was facing towards you, regardless if you moved left or right, but just like I said, I didn’t know about changing sprites, so this was the perfect sprite for me.

I then came up with an enemy for the game. One of the enemies that I put in the game was this cute floating cat head which faced the player. I gave it the characteristics of it moving up and down, making the player time their transition across the level. The other enemy was a simple Goomba like enemy, its design being a skull with legs holding up two magic wands, another enemy that also faced toward the player. These were the only two enemies in the game, as I wanted it to be a simple Mario-like game, so you could think of both of these enemies as Goombas and Koopas. Getting hit by these enemies in the game along with the later added spikes would restart the entire level, regardless of how far you’ve progressed within the level, and I would say it would be frustrating, but the levels were pretty easy. Of course, this was 2011 when I was making this game, so little effort was put into the game, all the visuals being MS Paint level.

As the years went on, I never looked back on Game Maker ever since. It seems like I was stuck in that loop that I wanted to make my video game one day, but I kept fucking around, playing other video games and enjoying Nintendo games. However, that didn’t stop me from liking Nintendo, oh no, as I said before, I loved playing SMBX and I kept continuing using the SMBX level editor religiously so I could use it as a tool to practice my level design. Throughout the years, my level designs were getting better and better, putting more effort into the scenery, and of course my knowledge of events and layers had improved as well. Gone were the days of bland levels with no events whatsoever and vanilla as fuck graphics, to custom graphical levels with some decent knowledge of events. I learned how to make things appear, disappear, make things happen after a certain amount of time, make the background change after setting off an event, you name it!

In 2015, as I mentioned before I would go on to design two more levels for TTOTET, but one thing, despite my knowledge of layers and events, would hinder me throughout the level designing process. Fucking creative block. This fucking entity right here as mentioned before, was the reason why I could not for the life of me finish a level, and I think all of that had to do with my anxiety at the time, but still, coming up with a level was a bitch. It’s like you think you have the entire layout planned right in your head, for you to perfectly execute, and then that’s when you get to the computer screen, it becomes like a whole different story! As I would go on to create levels in my spare time, I would continuously lose interest in SMBX as a whole, all due to this fucking mental block in my head that was keeping me from progressing any further, and it still owes me all of the years it had taken away from my creativity…

After that, I gave up mostly during the following months in 2015, going into 2016. I just lost interest in SMBX altogether, however that didn’t stop me there though. During the time I first got my laptop in 2015 and recording some episodes, I was still watching as303298’s videos, and I was enjoying them and having a good time. Over time, I began to hear more about as303298’s testimonies of him playing his favorite Nintendo games, some of them being Paper Mario, Super Mario Sunshine, New Super Mario Bros. Wii, etc. and that’s what got me thinking… I want to be play Nintendo games again! I thought to myself about the laptop I bought and how I worked so hard saving up for it, so I then thought… Why not save up for the Nintendo console that I always wanted! The Nintendo 3DS!

Yeah, you remember the 3DS right? The headache inducing, eye-straining, spiritual successor to the Virtual Boy, this awesome piece of tech was something I always wanted as I was a kid, but for some reason my parents didn’t get me one when it first came out, of course, because of the Nintendo DSi that I had just got for my 10th birthday. I remember seeing the trailer for the first time, and I was already blown away. It’s literally, 3D, in the palm of your hand, no glasses required! There was the option to customize your home screen, create folders, change themes, a better shop called the Nintendo Eshop, fucking AR Cards! The sky was the limit with this console! Of course, when it first came out many people complained about the console causing eye-strains, but personally, it didn’t bother me that much.

I remember saving up for a New 3DS XL, as I believe it just came out in 2015, and it was 2016 at the time. I remember working my ass off, doing chores around the house and saving my hard earned allowance for it, and then the day finally came. I got it at Walmart, it was on sale, and I was so excited. I cashed in my $180 that I had just made, and there it was. A red New Nintendo 3DS XL. I’ll admit, aside from the awkward name of “New” in the title, and the fact that it didn’t come with a charger, luckily it was compatible with my old DSi charger, so I used that and it worked. When I first got it, I had never been this excited in my fucking life, it was the closest thing to Heaven. Sadly, I got it five years later after release, and this was one year before the Nintendo Switch was released, it didn’t matter to me, because I was still happy to play all the games that I missed out, and for good reason, as despite the Wii U’s poor sales, the 3DS was the best selling handheld console, let alone the best selling Nintendo console at the time.

I remember sitting at my then restricted desk, and placing the 3DS box on the wooden surface, and excitedly cut the tape on the box and then I was greeted with a white wrap around the red console, there it was, my eyes feasting on the console as the wrapper taunted me to open it, and so I did, and there it was, the New Nintendo 3DS XL in all it’s red, glossy, glory… The console reeked of “new”, and as I want to turn it on, it then hit me… The 3DS logo screen flashed on, and it was literally in 3D! I was blown away, seeing the fact that I missed out on this thing! Seeing the 3D for the first time was one of the best things I’ve experienced and it was like that throughout the setup screen until I reached the main menu.

I didn’t have any games for it at the time, of course, because I had spent all my cash at the time being, so I began saving up for the next few weeks until I could get my hands on Super Mario 3D Land, one of the first 3DS launch titles to even be released. But before that point, I was scouring the eShop and looking for freeware to download, and I found a few decent titles. Of course, when you have no games for the system, you’re desperate to download any game that you can find, just so you can see how it would play on the system. I remember downloading one of the first games on the eShop, it being some kind of Resident Evil game DEMO, and what a great way to start my love for the system. It was in 3D (of course), but you also get to aim with the secondary analog stick and granted it was hard to aim with, the graphics blew me away otherwise. Other games I downloaded was Pushmo (or Stretchmo), a puzzle game that requires you to push blocks in a 3D plain to solve puzzles. Another game that I had downloaded was the LEGO Lord of the Rings DEMO. Granted, the graphics weren’t that impressive as I thought it would be as good as the tech demo of LEGO Star Wars III on the Nintendo 3DS, so basically this game was just a LEGO Nintendo DS game, but with the 3DS skin over it.

For the next few weeks, I would cycle through playing those games and also play all my old DS games that I always wanted to replay. Yeah if you want to know what happened to my Nintendo DSi? Let’s just say that I accidentally dropped it, and by “accidentally”, I mean playing a DS game that I was merely minutes away from saving while the battery was blinking red and the system shut off, thus throwing it on the ground and stomping on it. Yeah, the screen is a rainbow color now… Nice. So anyways, I was so happy to finally play my old DS games, New Super Mario Bros being one of them, and the fact that I get to see them upscaled on my 3DS XL was mindblowing, granted the resolution isn’t as clear as the native resolution, it's still nice to get to play my old DS games once again on this great console. There is a fix for that however, but I forgot the button combinations, I think L and R + Select during boot up? I don’t know.

As the weeks finally passed and had saved up enough money to buy a 3DS game, as I was playing through all of my childhood Nintendo DS games, the day finally came… Super Mario 3D Land was here. I finally got to play the game that I always wanted to play. The game that I used to play in the store, was finally in the palm of my hands. That’s right, and I was so excited. When I got home, I then opened up the case, popped the game in and there it was, the 3DS menu splash screen for the game, yelling, “Super Mario 3D Land” at me was displayed. I was so excited, so I opened up the game, and then the game booted up. The game was pretty impressive and I had so much fun playing the game, but one problem however… The game was 30fps… Now it’s understandable that games that were first released for the console is not going to be as impressive as the later released of titles for the system, but seriously? It’s a simplistic, linear, 3D Mario game on the 3DS, I don’t think that requires that many frames, but hey, the game was pretty fun so I’ve gotta give them that.

Throughout the summer of 2016, I began to get more 3DS games for the system and my love for Nintendo began to grow. I was getting games that I wanted to play such as Kirby Triple Deluxe and Super Smash Bros for the 3DS! I was able to play games that other people were into at the time, and playing Super Smash Bros was my all time favorite game at the time. I would put so many hours into playing the game, and even though I didn’t have the balls to play on “4 Glory”, I would basically spend hours practicing the stages with CPU’s, mostly starting out on level 3 but as months progressed, I got to the point where I was getting better, that the highest level I was able to tolerate was level 7, as anything higher than that kicked my ass to smithereens.

As my love was growing for Nintendo, I started getting a flood of ideas for the games that I wanted to make, to the point where I would even have more than one imaginary IP (Intellectual Property) on hand, and granted I would come up with these IP’s while doodling as a child, those numbers doubled tremendously! I was coming up with ideas that I won’t discuss here for privacy reasons, but one of them was a side-scrolling shooter, two RPG’s, both of which have a unique combat system, a metroidvania type game, and some puzzle games, however the main game that I had the most passion for was that first side-scrolling game, Insect Mashers, as I was developing on those ideas for the past four years.

During 2011 – 2015, my idea for Insect Mashers, such as new enemies, and final bosses were getting stale, and I wanted to come up with something new, however I could not for the life of me, come up with a new idea, so I began to stall and no new ideas were available to me at the time. That wasn’t until that point, my creativity had came back and at full fucking force, I was spitting out ideas left and right, and I’ve came out with a new motto for coming up with these ideas… Innovation.

Just like Nintendo, innovation was the driving force for my IP’s, as I wanted to take a classic gaming trope, and expand upon it. I wanted to take the audiences expectations and then expand it even further, pumping it to eleven. This started with Insect Mashers. As my love for Nintendo grew, I began to become inspired by them, and it motivated me to come up with new ideas for my own project, and Insect Mashers was the first one to receive this treatment. I began to come up with new enemies that I had never thought of before, creative gameplay mechanics, inventive and unique level designs, fun bosses (well scratch that, my ideas are still lacking in the boss department), and ideas for the final boss began to flood in, the ideas were the sky’s limit! I was so overwhelmed with all these ideas, I was sketching all of them in my sketch book, most of the pages being flooded with ideas for new enemies, bosses, and etc. It was at this point, I had never been this creative before in my life!

However, just like anything else that I was into, I also ran into my fair share of detesters as well… During this time, even though my love for Nintendo was soaring, the company was at its all time low and of course, this was the same year the fucking election was going on, so there was increasing rise in competition. The PS4 was dominating the game world, making it its bitch, while all the other consoles were sucking cock, according to these so-called, “PS4 fans”. Me being a Nintendo fan myself (and still am), I didn’t take this lightly, and I quickly defended the company against anyone who dared defy them, and I still do to an extent. But also, on the same token, you had these fucking graphics whores who were blind fucking Sony ponies, who care about nothing else but fucking graphics, and just so you know, graphics don’t make a good game. Of course, if the game has great graphics, that’s a nice thing to have, but if the gameplay is shit, it’s still fucking shit. That’s like caring more about how good a certain dish looks, rather than how good it tastes, it’s fucking stupid.

So reading this, and the fact that people were worrying about Nintendo, and of course, the upcoming rumored console, the Nintendo NX, people were hoping that it wouldn’t become Nintendo’s SEGA Dreamcast. I was reading in the YouTube comments at the time (of course, big mistake), and just seeing the most toxic shit that I have ever read in my life. People were bashing fucking indie games and how the fucking PS4 was powerful, it’s a fucking stupid argument, as I loved fucking indie games, and the fact that these people were bashing them was a huge turn off for me, and it affected me as an aspiring indie game developer myself.

As October rolled around, hoping to God that Nintendo succeeds, literally praying that Nintendo’s next console would be a success, as I did not want to see my favorite company, the same company that defined my childhood, got me through my anxiety and depression, and inspired me to become a game developer, the Nintendo NX was announced. It was around October 20th I think, and people were losing their fucking minds, many thinking it was a make it or break it, situation, including myself, and then the trailer rolled out for their new console… The Nintendo Switch. That’s right, and when I first saw the trailer, I was fucking shocked. Of course, the first few comments that rolled in, were bashing the thing, saying how it was a stupid idea, and at that point, my hope for video games began to slither away.

As I was looking up people’s reactions on YouTube for the Switch, many of them detested the idea, one of them saying how disappointed he was in the Nintendo Switch and it ended in a facepalm. The other video was this fucking, literally, fucking Sonygger (no racism), fucking laughing his ass off throughout the whole video saying how people don’t play fucking handheld systems anymore and that they prefer playing at home. The more he began to laugh in the fucking video, the more I wanted to punch him in the fucking face, yeah in the fucking face. He was saying how Nintendo consoles used to be great like the Super Nintendo, and Nintendo 64, but his only defense for those consoles was how it had more mature games back then, rather than appreciate the fact that Nintendo games were fun back then.

Seeing all of this, I was absolutely right, this is how childish the fucking video gaming community is, and my love for video games was slipping away. I thought, if this is the kind of people that I have to put up with and be surrounded by, then why should I be apart of a toxic community. Shortly after however, I would continuously check on the trailer for the Nintendo Switch, and then I would began to notice how wrong I was… The like to dislike ratio was getting better, the likes outweighing the dislikes, in the thousands! I was fucking shocked! It then hit news articles, people were pumped about the Nintendo Switch, many saying what the Wii U should’ve been, and they’re right about that. The reason why the Wii U failed was because people thought it was (including myself) an add-on to the Nintendo Wii, without realizing that it was a whole-nother console, and granted, as I got the Nintendo 3DS and wanted to buy a Wii U for those exclusive titles, I’m glad I waited for the Nintendo NX to come out.

Throughout the months however, even though people were happy with the Switch, people would continuously attack indie games that are not fucking high resolution. They would complain that the graphics didn’t look good, and even say that 3D games are better than 2D ones. This would fucking continue to piss me off, as I thought about why video games are the only medium that has this stupid mentality. You don’t see it in fucking movies? You don’t hear people in the audience to the screening of Mulan or the Lion King saying, “WAI ISHNT IHT EN TREE DEE? WAI ES EN TOO DEE?”. It’s fucking stupid, and after awhile I got so fucking sick and tired of it, and as a person who fucking loves with all my heart, loves the 16-32 bit sprite work, and seeing people attacking that medium without appreciating the fact that it’s art, made me realize that the video game community is full of uncultured plebs.

At the same time, people were labelling fucking Nintendo fans as the “W” word, you already know what it is, as of course, because apparently western people are not allowed to like anything from Japan. Hearing that fucking word, is like being called a fucking “nigger-lover”, it’s fucking absurd. If that’s the case then I guess I’m a “Weeaboo” for having a DVD player in my room that's made by Sony then... As time passed by, and dealing with all this fucking shit, the fucking pressure had grown on me, and I couldn’t fucking take it anymore The fact that Nintendo was the one company I actually respected about Japan, it was beginning to slip as well, as I couldn’t handle it anymore. My hatred for Japan began to rise again throughout late 2016, and early 2017 once again, and granted I still liked Nintendo, the fact that this is the gaming community, it’s unsurprising that it's full of piece of shit people who only care about the fucking graphics instead of actually appreciate what art truly is.

Throughout 2017, not much is remembered about the early half of its year, other than the fact that I remember rebooting my blog on the website, as it used to be known as “Roger Hill Speaks”, which was founded in 2012. Yeah. The dark age of my life. However, around spring of that same year, the Nintendo Switch was fully announced at E3, and it’s official price, $299 US Dollars. This price to me wasn’t that bad, as it was $50 away from the first laptop which I had just saved up for, so this wouldn’t be a challenge. However, what was a challenge for me, was whether the Nintendo Switch would be a console worth owning or not. You see, I can’t get the Switch right away, as of course, before the system came out, there's not that many games for it announced at the moment, other than the first Zelda title to be released on the Switch, Breath of the Wild, and of course, coming from a person who’s not interested in Zelda games, this game was not on my radar.

People at the time, around the Nintendo Switch’s release, were mockingly calling the system a, “Zelda Machine”, as that was the only notable Nintendo game on the system. As the days passed, a month later, they would eventually announce several other new games for the system. Some of the games for the system were Snipperclips, a two player puzzle game where two players must move around the screen and connect to each other in a certain way to complete the puzzle and go to the next level. It was okay, and was a neat concept, but not eye-opening to say the least, and also, does this misable lonely fuck look like the guy that would have friends to play with anyways? Then there was 1, 2 Switch, an absolute waste of money that is literally just still images taken by normies of random interactive shit in the game. Literally, this game looked like it was made in Visual Basic, that’s how lazy they’ve gotten. Then some Fifa game that no one wanted, and then of course, the main highlight of them all… Super Mario Odyssey!

Despite the fact that there was a SMW rom hack of the same name, Super Mario Odyssey blew everyone’s minds. Reception for the game was mixed however, and I have a couple of critiques myself for the game. Like the fact that there’s realistic humans in the game, which instantly reminded people of Sonic Adventure for the Dreamcast or Sonic ’06, and the fact that Mario's naked in this game... Yeah that's definately a thing... Oh well, it was a neat addition to the Nintendo Switch, and many people were very happy over all at the announcement of the game.

And then summer of 2017 rolled around, E3 was being announced, and people were pumped to see what Nintendo would announce for the next line of games. This again, was another make it or break it situation, as people were worried that the next line up of games for the Switch was going to be piss poor, and almost just as bad as the first set of games being announced for the Switch, besides Mario Odyssey. And then there it was… The E3 even of 2017, Sony and Microsoft were announcing their games, showing off what games are coming in the future, and then Nintendo showed up, and holy shit! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Everyone was not expecting this to be real!

When Nintendo announced their games, the world fucking rioted (in a good way). Many great games were being announced and people were fucking excited as fucking shit. You had Xenoblade Chronicles, Yoshi’s Wooly World (It was just called ‘Yoshi’ at the time), Kirby (and as a Kirby fan, I was fucking excited), METROID FUCKING PRIME FUCKING 4! And then lastly… Super Mario Odyssey. When people saw the trailer for the game, they were stoked! The trailer gave us more information for what is going to come for the game, and it was fucking amazing.

The trailer introduced us to everything we needed to know about the game, primarily the one mechanic of the game… The capture mechanic. Granted there were other games similar to this, like how in Kirby, you can inhale and copy abilities, or in Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow, where you can take the souls of enemies and use their abilities; however this was a new animal. You are introduced to a character named Cappy, and you go on your adventure, capturing enemies, to even capturing inanimate objects to progress throughout your journey! This was a really interesting way to play the game, as there are no power ups in the game, and instead you can capture enemies with similar abilities and use them against other enemies! This really gives you the feeling of what it’s like to play as NPC’s, as that is rarely a thing seen in games. I would even dare say, that it’s almost like a second-person game at this point!

This Nintendo E3 event answered everyone’s favorite question, “Why should I buy the Nintendo Switch”, and Nintendo answered that question very successfully… This very E3 conference was enough to convince me (besides the other titles I wasn’t interested in like the fact that Nintendo did AM2R, dirty, or the Mario and Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story 3DS remake) to buy a Nintendo Switch, and I didn’t hesitate! I began to work my fucking ass off, saving up for the Nintendo Switch, as I had never been this happy in my fucking life. This was it. This was the moment everyone had been waiting for, and people were fucking pumped, Nintendo never failed to not disappoint. It was a battle that I never thought would be won, considering the fact, that Sony was dominating the market, but Nintendo had just achieved victory… Nintendo had just won E3… But. There was one problem however…

The fucking scalpers! Yeah, that’s right! The fucking scalpers. The fucking thing that ruins everyone’s hype by going all in, buying everything that’s the hottest thing on the fucking market in fucking bulk and price gouge the shit out of it. This was a fucking absurd practice by investors to make a huge profit off of people who are dumb enough to buy into their shit, and they buy most of these in bulk, thinking that the value for those products would go up, where in actually it’s the opposite, the value goes down, and overtime the demand for it would go even higher than ever before, and so it was! The Nintendo Switch was the highest in fucking demand, and people were fucking scalping this shit left and fucking right, it was insane! However I did not give up, I kept pushing through.

While I’m on this subject, during the time I was saving up for a Nintendo Switch, I began buying more games for the Nintendo 3DS. If you don’t know, sadly my red 3DS died, and I forgot what happened to it, I think the top screen was messed up and would jitter all over the place, basically just becoming like my Nintendo DSi. I sent it in to Nintendo as my one-year warranty was still alive in the system, and it only had 3 months left to go, as of March, 2017. I sent it in, and weeks later I got it back fully functional, however one problem… About around late July/early August, my 3DS touchscreen was faulty, and that the side of the touchscreen was unresponsive. I opened up my 3DS notes app, and began to draw against the edge of the left screen, and there was the problem… As I drew down towards the bottom of the screen, the pen would begin to draw around that certain part of the unresponsive screen, and then back to the left again, reaching at the bottom. I would later find out that the digitizer was damaged, and probably was damaged while it was being repaired at Nintendo’s headquarters, so I did some research on how to fix it, ordered a brand new touchscreen for the 3DS and then as I began to disassemble to thing, I forgot about the ribbon cable. As I carelessly pulled out the screen, the ribbon cable got torn off the circuit board… I was fucking shocked and pissed, as I realized all the games that I had downloaded, all the Street Passes that I had collected over the months, they were all gone…

Shortly after that unfortunate event, my parents began to feel sorry for me, as I had saved up for that 3DS and all the games that I had to get for it, so in return they bought a refurbished 3DS, a black one, and while it didn’t feel the same, as to me, getting something used, it doesn’t feel like I truly owned it, as it was once owned by somebody else, I’ve eventually gotten used to it. Granted, I never got all my games back, nor my Street Passes, I did get some new games for the system… A couple new eShop Virtual Console games, and the Mega Man Legacy Collection… However, the reason why I brought this subject up was because, if you also didn’t know I was really huge into Castlevania at the time as well, and still am.

Back in 2016, my love for Castlevania began to grow, and it all started with Symphony of the Night. I remember playing Super Castlevania on the ZSNES and remembering how fun it was playing that game, and also the Castlevania games on the NES through Nintendo8’s now defunct site. Ever since playing Symphony of the Night, my love for Castlevania games began to grow, and I was playing more metroidvanias one after the other. After that I played Harmony of Dissonance on GBA, and granted I never finished the game as for some reason, I just stopped playing it, I had pretty damn fun playing it, and then in 2016, for Christmas, I got Dawn of Sorrow for the Nintendo DS, and then until this point, I had gotten Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin.

Playing this game back then for the first time, and hearing about it online that it was the spiritual successor to Symphony of the Night, as I’ll be honest, I never enjoyed Dawn of Sorrow due to the fact that most of the weapons are not like Alucard’s swords, but instead everything is delayed by an animated arch, and having to wait for the weapon to slam down to deal damage was a pain; I was pretty pumped for this game, and on top of that, you get to play as fucking Richter Belmont! My favorite fucking Belmont in the entire series! As I got the game in the mail, I began to play it and holy shit, I was so fucking happy! As I loaded the game up, there it was, Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin. The opening for the game blew me away for the first time, as it instantly began to talk about World War 2. A Castlevania game set during World War 2, the same war during the time when Hitler was a thing? That’s pretty interesting, I never thought of a Castlevania game being set during a period like that. I like how even the Castlevania games set in modern times, has no police or security guards to guard to castle or something like that.

Well, there I was playing the game, and holy shit, this game was everything I had fucking wanted! It was fast paced, no figuring out that much puzzles, no bullshit, just go from point A to point B, and kick some fucking ass, that’s what I’m talking about. Right off the bat, after some cutscenes, you’re running around whipping the shit out of enemies, and instantly, this game is way better than Dawn of Sorrow! No waiting for weapons to finish their animation, this is instantaneous! And plus, it has the whip, and I like the whip in Castlevania, it’s what makes it, *ahem*, Castlevania!

This game’s story, despite it being set in WW2, is actually about some ghost guy who was once a father, and his daughters have been possessed by some magic painter guy who thinks that they’re his daughters, but they’re not, and it’s up to the players, Johnathan and Charlotte to save the day, by converting his daughters back to normal and then defeat (SPOILERS) Death and Dracula who was using this painter guy as a pawn, so they can take over the world I guess.

The gameplay mostly consists of you running through the castle and overtime you’ll begin to need teamwork to progress certain parts of the game. What do I mean by this? Well there are times where you might get animal familiars, and you can switch between Johnathan or Charlotte to progress, maybe have Charlotte turn you into an owl creature to get across certain gaps, etc. Think of this as the player switching mechanic in the LEGO games, that’s basically what this game is.

And of course, what wouldn’t be Castlevania without the massive difficulty, now granted some of the bosses were not that hard, but some bosses like Death was fucking insane, and then there is the final boss, which I’m not going to spoil it for you, but it was fucking hard as shit. I remember unlocking Richter Belmont, and I died so many fucking times at the final boss, I fucking grinded at around level 50 at that point, just so that would be enough power to defeat him in one setting, but eventually, I fucking did it, I beated it and I felt accomplished. And yeah that was Portrait of Ruin, not a hard game, but a fun one. I did wanted to get Order of Ecclesia for the DS, which was the third installment of the franchise for the DS, but sadly, it was fucking expensive… $50! Fifty, fucking dollars? That was too much for me to afford, so I ended up skipping it. Oh well, even though I never got the chance to get it, Castlevania still holds a special place in my heart, and I would continue to play their games, even to this day!

Alright, so it was finally, September, and I had $180 so far, not having nearly as much as $299. I was browsing on the internet, continuously searching up news updates for the Nintendo Switch, and the usual updates on the state of the Switch from normie journalist sites like Kotaku, and Polygon, and then I glanced at the right of the screen of the search engine. It was suggestions from a BestBuy website, and there it was, $299! I was fucking shocked, and I clicked on it immediately as normally, all the other listings on the shop suggestions were listed as “Out of Stock!”. I went on the website, and there it was, The Nintendo Switch, haven’t even been bought yet, I took this opportunity and informed my parents to buy this for me, and I’ll work weeks in advance to pay it off, and they eventually obliged, they bought it from BestBuy, and it was available for pickup!

Holy fucking shit, I was so excited, I just realized that I got the Nintendo Switch, the hottest thing on the market, and I managed to beat the scalpers, once and for all! I remember, going to school the next day, just sitting at my desk, hardly focusing on my studies, just being fucking excited as fuck, and I remember it being the fucking longest day of my entire life. Every fucking second that passed felt like a fucking millennium, I was asking when is class going to be over? So, after waiting for what felt like a million years that had gone by, as soon as I had answered the last question on the quiz, as soon as class was over, as soon as I laid down my pencil, I fucking ran out the classroom in excitement! I remember running home from school after that, my heart beating in excitement, I was running as if something big happened in my life and I wanted to find out what it was all about, like a cat who’d been curious! I ran back home and there it was! Sitting at my bedroom door, the Nintendo Switch box, the top half of it being obscured by that brand new, red BestBuy pickup sticker!

I didn’t hesitate to open it up, I opened the box, never feeling even more excited before in my life, cut open the tape, unclamped the hatches and opened up the box, and there is was... The Nintendo Switch, starring back at me in the box, looking like it had been imprisoned in that sealed box many months prior. I unleashed it from the box, took off the plastic casing, and took the rest out of the box!

The setup was pretty easy, and as you didn’t know, throughout the other half of 2016, I had finally gotten my fucking computer back in my room, so I was able to have my privacy back again! It came with an HDMI cable which connected to the TV screen, and a charger for you to plug it either in the dock, so you can play stationary, or you can charge the Switch itself and play on the go. The euphoria I had when holding this thing was the same euphoria I had when I first got my New Nintendo 3DS XL! I remember, when the Switch first came out, people were warning users about scratches on the screen, Joycons drifting, and even consoles warping, and I heeded those warnings so much, to the point where I was extremely careful when holding the thing.

I remember holding that thing, as if I was holding a live grenade in my hand, it was the scariest thing I had ever experienced. I was holding $300 in my hands! Just like the Nintendo 3DS, of course, I didn’t get any games for awhile, because I was in debt, and I still had $120 more to go, so three weeks was on my hands, and for the time being, I did just like what any other person did and downloaded free eShop games on my Nintendo Switch. Just like the 3DS, there were not that many demos available on the Switch, which makes sense, the system had just came out, so the only games that were available as of September, 2017, was Octopath Traveler, Puyo! Puyo! Tetris!, and Pokken Tournament DX. I of course downloaded all three of them, not caring if I wasn’t interested in those games. I just wanted to see how the game would perform on my console, and oh boy! So, let’s get this out of the way. Puyo! Puyo! Tetris, or PPT as I’ll refer it to for short, was a pretty fun game actually. I remember putting hours into the game demo, just selecting stages and choosing my characters for the game, and granted, I mostly got my ass kicked by the CPU, it was very fun! Alright, the main one, and the first one I played on the system! Octopath Traveler! This game when downloading it is just what I always wanted. The sprite work in this game is really beautiful in this game and I love 32 bit games, which explains my love for SNES, GBA, Nintendo DS, and the early PS1 games. There’s something about them that’s just so beautiful to me, just the fact that the colors pop out at you, each color telling a story behind every image! So when I opened up Octopath Traveler for the first time, as usual, I was blown away!

I remember playing the game for the first time, and seeing not only just beautiful 32 bit sprites in the game, but also it’s laid on top of a 3D background, meaning that as you move, the background begins to move in 3D, giving me PS1 vibes! As a person who’s not into RPG’s myself, this game was very interesting to say the least, and at other times, very fun, as it's one of the reasons why I loved Mario and Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story (which was my first and last RPG to be honest), was because of the cool and satisfying to watch animations in between attacks, the interactivity was there. Most RPG’s don’t do that, they usually have the, “Select a weapon”, and then it just shows the damage number it did on screen, without any proof or interactivity of the attack at all! Yeah, this game has that, and it’s up there with Bowser’s Inside Story in my opinion.

I only played the demo, so of course I didn’t pay attention to the story, as like I said, I was more interested in the Nintendo Switch’s capability of how it would play any game. And then I tried Pokken Tournament DX which was one of the 3D games that I had downloaded for the Nintendo Switch, and it was just a fighting game for Pokemon characters. As a person who was never into Pokemon (remember, I’m not an RPG guy), this game was alright, I was more in line with, “what the fuck do I press to beat this guy”, as I was also not into fighting games as well, but it was a pretty good game, and the graphics for it was great!

It’s been three weeks after I got the Nintendo Switch, and I had just gotten my fourth paycheck, I finally paid off the Nintendo Switch after serious dedication and hardwork, and of course, as my birthday was coming up in 15 days, I decided to buy a Nintendo eShop gift card, as I was bored and wanted some games to keep me company until my supposed birthday. I bought the gift card and looked at the back to make sure that “Nintendo Switch” was listed under the systems it was compatible with (trust me, I did this before, and come to find out, one of the cards I got was out of date with no Nintendo Switch on it, of course, because this was Lowe’s we’re are talking about, how many gamers are gonna be in the gift card section) and redeemed my gift card code, and the first games that I purchased for the system was the first Metal Slug game licensed by NEOGEO, and Mighty Gunvolt Burst, which was a spin-off of Mighty No. 9, published by Inti Creates.

As you can probably tell from all the games that I have been playing, I have been trying to conserve as much time as I possibly can. Why is that, you may ask? Well, as I mentioned before, there were many reports of the system possibly warping, and I was hoping to God, that 1 out of a million people, that wouldn’t turn out to be me. So, what I did to possibly, and at least, reduce the chances of causing the console to warp, was to conserve as much time as I possibly can, that means I cannot play more than 30 minutes at a time. I would even not touch the thing for days to come, because I feared that the Nintendo Switch would get warped because of that, so I’ve spent minimal amount of time with it.

I was pretty happy with the games that I had just purchased, however I played Metal Slug more than Mighty Gunvolt Burst, as Mighty Gunvolt was, to be honest, very boring. Not boring, in the sense that it wasn’t fun to play, but me personally, I was also not into Mega Man. I like the design of the character, but that’s just it. I don’t see what’s so fun about running and shooting pellets that takes a billion years to deal damage to an enemy, which takes a long time to die, so Mighty Gunvolt Burst was pretty boring, and just like Mega Man, the bosses were pretty hard for me. To this day, I still haven’t beat Mighty Gunvolt, but I might in the future, probably through some kind of walkthrough or something.

As I was waiting for Super Mario Odyssey to come out, thinking that would be the best first game to own on the Nintendo Switch, I would read news updates about how the game is coming along. I would eventually create a Twitter account, just so I can follow Nintendo of America’s Twitter account, as the game was five days away from being released. They began to tweet countdowns, posting GIFs of how many days away the game was from releasing. I remember having so much fun reading the replies to many of Nintendo’s tweets, mostly posting meme-y stuff, and I began to love Twitter because of it, as I began to interact with many people on the platform.

As I was waiting for the game to come out, I was having so much fun talking with people online, making new friends, and within the span of 4 days, I would’ve gained over 20 followers on the platform! I was amazed how fast I began to gain a following on the platform, so I just continued doing the usual, posting meme-y replies as well, and the platform got me caught up to date with the latest memes and trends on the site, as along with the latest Nintendo news. It also made my Nintendo Switch feel less empty, as over time I would gain friend codes and add them to my switch collection, and to this day, I have so many friends on the Nintendo Switch, often popping up on the top left of my screen if they are active or not.

So, then October 31st finally rolled around. It was officially my 18th birthday, the first time I’ll ever become an adult, me sadly thinking that I’ll be the legal age, and the drinking age, but sadly that’s 21… Oh well, so on to my Birthday gift. I remember coming home from school, it was a car ride, and we got the usual birthday cake and the usual birthday card, and then, as soon as I got home, there it was… My birthday gift, handed over to me, wrapped in a plastic Walmart bag, Super Mario Odyssey! I was so happy to finally get the game, and I’ve never been any happier!

I remember unwrapping the game, taking the cartridge out of the console, and putting my game cartridge into the cartridge deprived console, and then, displayed on screen, there it was, Super Mario Odyssey! I was so happy to play it! I started the game, displaying the warning screen which for some reason takes around 15-20 seconds to get it done, like get the fuck off my screen! And then finally the title screen, as the screen gets engulfed by red, “Super Mario Odyssey!” was screamed on screen. I was so excited to play it. I clicked on the “new game” button, and then the following cutscene ensued and then to the gameplay.

I remember having so much fun throughout the playthrough of this game, and for the first time I felt special, as I not only got a brand new Nintendo console, but a brand new Nintendo game that just came out for the console. I don’t remember how many days I’ve spent playing the game, but let’s say about a week. After finally beating the game, especially the hard, hard levels in the game and collecting the hard to get moons, I felt so accomplished, and it was the most fun I’ve ever had in my life. It’s like all the shit that I was going through at the time had been forgotten about, and it goes to show how Nintendo can really help you get your mind off of what’s troubling you in your life.

As I was loving the Nintendo Switch for weeks to come, especially after the fact that I just got a game that’s just been released, and can’t believe that I finally got such a thing, I began to notice its flaws, however. No bugs or anything, but something was missing… Let’s just say, the Nintendo Switch UI itself… No diverse of themes, just the flat boring UI. I’ll admit, to this day, I’m still baffled as to why Nintendo didn’t chose to add background music to the menu, maybe because it’s so minimalistic, it doesn’t need background music, and maybe that’s the same with the themes, but come on! Even the PS4 had menu music, so why doesn’t the Nintendo Switch have any? I remember customizing my Mii when I first booted up the system, and notice the lack of music to customize the Mii with. Where’s the iconic Mii Channel music theme? It goes to show that gone are the days of Nintendo when they were having fun, to just nothing… I feel like this was from all the hate that they got during the Wii U era, that they must’ve hurt Nintendo’s feelings, so this was their response to that, no music, flat boring menu, no customizable themes, nothing.

The older Nintendo consoles had charm to them, it had that friendly, welcoming, environment. It was like that restaurant that you always go to with your friends on Friday nights, as you know that you’re going to have a fun time, but now, it’s like that same restaurant 20 years later, but with different staff members, and one of the employees that used to work there, still works there now, but it's an old, decrepit man that’s just waiting for retirement. The defense I hear from people is that they’re trying to make it like smartphones or tablets, because smartphones don’t have background music, and I could see the point there, but come on! This is Nintendo we’re talking about here! Nintendo had always been about fun, and the Wii era proved that, but sadly that’s not the case.

However, even though the UI is boring, the games that they put out still has charm to them, and during that time, thanks to the Nintendo 3DS, thanks to the Nintendo Switch, this is when I began to enter the first stages of being serious about my indie game that I had always wanted to work on… Insect Mashers. That’s right. After years of sketch on paper, and constantly coming up with new ideas for new enemies and new IP’s for other games that I wanted to make, I wanted to finally transfer those ideas to computer.

I began opening up Graphics Gale, finally putting my ideas digitally, and this is where I began to develop a skill for pixel art, and as a person who loved the 16-32 bit era pixel art, I went for more of this 90’s era, arcade style pixel art, as to me, that was the best era of sprites, as during that time, they poured so much detail into the art. Ever since I was a kid, I always loved pixel art, and that all stems from all the flash games that I used to play as a kid, from the games that used SMW graphics as the sprites, to even Metroid and Mega Man. One other type of pixel art that I really admired was also the standalone pixel art done by developers, Nitrome is one of them, and to this day, Nitrome is one of things that serves inspiration for my pixel art, there’s just something about this type of pixel art, especially the 2000’s era pixel art, that just evokes pure joy and nostalgia, and I would always love to revisit those days. The use of more colors, and gradients in that art made the sprites look more alive and really beautiful. I’d even go as far as to say that it looks even better than just normal art such as paintings or photo-realism, pixel art to me, if done right, can be very beautiful. I was never into the NES era of pixel art as to me, what matters most is the colors, and I only look for games where the minimum is the SNES era of games, and by games, I mean look at games like Metal Slug, or any other arcade game, and pay attention to the sprites in those games, from the detailed animations to the vibrant colors, it goes to show that they really cared about the art that went into those games! Granted, as more tech developed, you had the GBA and the Nintendo DS, which is when you finally get to see more colors in those games, but to me, the PS1/Arcade era of pixel art was the best in my opinion.

I remember sketching at the time around that same month of October, with the mouse, as I didn’t have a tablet at the time, and of course, my first pixel art wasn’t that great, which is to be expected. I would take all my old sketches first, and redraw them in my sketchbook, updating them to my modern developed artstyle, and it looked even better. I began to take those sketches and animate them in Graphics Gale, seeing how they would behave in the game that I had visualized in my head. Starting out, I didn’t know how sprite sheets were made, so I just did a guessing game, by taking that 32x32 sprite that I had just made, expanding the canvas, and just copying that same sprite to the right, making adjustments to it, as that would represent that frame of the sprite. It was very tedious and it took me hours just to animate a walk cycle (which I didn’t know how to do at the time) and even then,when I ran a test animation on it in another file of Graphics Gale, it still looked stiff and unnatural. This was 2017, so this was before the full version of Graphics Gale (which allowed you to save and export GIF’s) was available to download for free. However, after that incident, I started to focus more on developing pixel art concepts for all the enemies that I sketched, and how I can apply that to a 32x32 canvas. During that time, to be honest, I didn’t even know what the concept of pixel art was, I just assumed it mean blowing up the canvas and drawing what looks great to you. I would eventually learn that pixel art actually means working with limitation; meaning, how would you draw what you would normally draw on a blown up, full scale canvas, and squeeze all of that down to that 32x32 canvas, determining where each pixel will go, with also the limited color palette given, and that, is pixel art.

As I drew more and more pixel art on the computer, I began to fall in love with the medium, and I began to get better and better as time went on. I wanted to emulate the stock sprites that the program showcased on their website and in the files, as to me, it served a perfect example of what pixel art should look like. I never liked the “1-pixel” thin limbs that I often see in modern sprites, as to me, it looks uninspired and lazy, however, sometimes, that style can be pulled off just right. Examples of a game pulling this look off would be “Super Brothers: Swords and Sorcery”. Even though the game has that minimalistic art style, the visuals gives us a reason why it should be minimalistic, rather than just make it minimalistic just for the sake of it. It feeds off the mood and tonality of the entire game, and the artstyle and gameplay go together very well! To me, I like to visualize the game, and what the tonality should be, and that’s when I pick a style of pixel art that would go perfectly for the game. For me, most of the games I visualize in my head should have that Metal Slug/PS1 level of sprite work.

One of the games, besides Metal Slug, that I had in mind for designing the would-be sprites for Insect Mashers, was Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, which is still my favorite game to this day, and not so much enemy design wise, but more akin to like I said, the color palette of the game. As I practiced pixel art day-by-day, I was able to perfectly emulate the 32 bit era of games, and my dream had finally come true. As I got so much better, I began asking myself why I didn’t achieve this when I was younger, as I didn’t know how pixel art worked, but it was just my lack of willpower.

As the months go by, I began making not only just sprites for enemies, but also tile-sets, and background objects, however, to this day, I still cannot master landscape backgrounds, as to me, I believe it requires more colors and more knowledge of color theory to apply that one, but for now, this is all I need to satisfy me. At this point, my folder was maxed to the brim with nothing but sprites, level design concepts and even my own music for the game! My game that I had always wanted to make as a kid was becoming a reality, and I wasn’t stopping there, only one more thing to tackle down and it would finally be complete… Learning how to program.

Into the early half of 2018, my interest in Nintendo and gaming was beginning to die off, as my panic attacks were getting worse and my depression was through the roof at this point. All was going fine, the then Kirby game that was announced for the Nintendo Switch was named Kirby Star Allies, and I was fucking excited as fuck. Seeing the game back in 2017, when it was announced at E3, I was like:

“Holy shit! Another Kirby game, and it’s on a home console this time and not the Nintendo 3DS! It’s a dream come true! This game is going to be the greatest thing since Kirby’s Return to Dreamland!”

Looking at the trailers two months prior to the game’s release, the game was mostly focusing on the Kirby Super Star aspects, in terms of gameplay, as you can befriend enemies with abilities and make them your allies, hence the name, Kirby Star Allies. I was so fucking excited because I loved Kirby Super Star, and when they announced the intro for the game on Twitter, what it would look like, I nearly creamed my pants a little! This was a fucking love letter to those that loved Kirby Super Star, and as a person who beat that game billions of times and love it to death, I couldn’t wait for it to come out!

I remember being on Twitter, it was on Nintendo of Japan’s Twitter account, and some people were posting replies to the tweets that they were sending out about the game that’s coming out, and in the reply section, someone asked one of the developers what the framerate for this game was going to be, and I was wondering the same as well, as I got Breath of the Wild for Christmas, and one of the biggest turn offs for me was it’s 30 FPS gameplay, as I prefer 60 FPS over 30. The answer is everything I didn’t want it to be… The developer then announced that the game was going to be in 30 FPS. “No, no.. It can’t be…”, I said to myself. I was so upset, and I went to Twitter, voicing my opinion that if the two 3DS titles (Kirby Triple Deluxe and Kirby Planet Robobot) can play in 60 FPS, why can’t this game have that same framerate!? Now, the defense that I’ve heard for this was because that the game was in HD, and it reached the graphical limitations of the system, making the game locked at 30 FPS, which I think is bullshit, because I played the demo for Yoshi’s Wooly World and that game had the best graphics that I’ve ever seen, which is the same graphical level as Kirby Star Allies and that was 60 FPS. So I think, if that game can do it, why can’t this game do it?

“Whatever”, I said to myself, maybe all would be forgiven if the game is just as great as I hope it would be, and my hopes were in the sky at that time, as my anticipation for the game was through the fucking roof! I thought at that moment, “Oh boy, this game is gonna be a spiritual successor to Kirby Super Star, even though the game is at 30 FPS, I’m still excited for what it has to offer!”. Then came the trailer for the first time. At this time, I was in college (and still am), so I was in the lunchroom at the time, waiting for my next class to start. I remember going on my YouTube and looked at the notifications and noticed that another trailer had dropped for Kirby Star Allies, I was then again, so fucking excited. My excitement for this game was the same level of excitement that I had for Cuphead, the visuals in this game was so beautiful and this would be the first time I would, not only get a new Kirby game, but also an HD one for the Switch! So I watched a trailer that was showcased by GameXplain, a channel that I had been following since 2011, and I was so excited as usual! Seeing the final boss for the first time got me so fucking pumped, and it had so much potential to be a great fucking final boss! And knowing my love for Castlevania, seeing this gave me Castlevania vibes and I wanted to see what the final boss entailed in action. After viewing the trailer, it won me over, yet again, and I finally decided to buy the game.

At the end of the trailer, it was then announced, and there it was… The release date was March 15, 2018. I was like, “Okay, this is great, I have my allowance saved up as usual and I’m ready to buy this game when it comes out!”. I remember going on YouTube and Twitter and checking for updates on the game, until I woke up one morning, it was March 13, and I looked up on the YouTube app on my phone again as usual, and a video was put out by GameXplain, saying that the demo for Kirby Star Allies had just been released, I was like, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! NOT ONLY THE GAME THAT I WAS FUCKING EXCITED FOR IS COMING OUT VERY SOON, BUT THERE’S A DEMO FOR IT ALREADY!?”. I was so fucking pumped, and I immediately hopped onto my Nintendo Switch and then tried to open the eShop, only to find out that there was no internet connection. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Come to find out, there was a shortage in one of the plugs where I was living and the electrician had just arrived to fixed one of the circuits, and blah blah blah, I didn’t give a shit. I had to wait for so many agonizing hours to go by just so I can download the demo and play the game!

It was around 4 PM, and the electricity had been fixed! I was so excited and I was about to race to my room to download the demo, and as soon as my foot was about to touch the foot of the door, my dad called my name, offering me to go on a ride with him to Lowe’s to buy some additional stuff. At first I was thinking in the back of my head, “are you kidding me?”, and then I eventually obliged, because I remembered there were some eShop gift cards, thinking that just in case the game was going to get scalped just like they did with Super Mario Odyssey and the Switch itself, I would have a couple of new games to play at my arsenal. I bought the gift card when we were there, not paying attention to the compatibility section on the back of the card and also forgot that this is LOWE'S we're talking about, we went home finally to see what the surprise was. I first went input the code on the back of the card on the eShop and you son of a bitch! Come to fucking find out (unsurprisingly), Lowe’s offered the outdated version of the eShop gift card, meaning that it’s only compatible with Nintendo 3DS and Wii U! So I just basically had no choice but to buy another title on my 3DS eShop, great… $20 fucking wasted. But then, all’s not bad right? Atleast I get to try the Kirby Star Allies demo. So I went on the eShop, and searched for Kirby Star Allies in the search box (or went to the featured section where Kirby Star Allies was about to be released) and then went on the store page, and motherfucker! I then was puzzled, as to why there was not a demo available for the game!

Come to find out, as I went on to finish the video made by GameXplain and didn’t finish the whole video, it was later mentioned that the demo for the game would only be made available in Europe, which was fucking bullshit! So that means I had to just wait for the game to come out. I went to the comment section and many Americans, such as myself, were upset that the demo for the game wasn’t released, and then I read one comment in the YouTube comment section that gave me an idea that I never thought of before… The comment stated to just make another Nintendo account, and set the region to Europe. I was so shocked, I never thought about that… So I didn’t hesitate to create another account (remember, I’m a huge Kirby fan, so great lengths had to be made) and I set my location to Europe, thinking everything was going to be fine. And it was… I went to the eShop and surprise, surprise! The demo for Kirby Star Allies was there! I was so happy and I immediately downloaded it, as I sat in my chair, prancing around, waiting for the download bar to complete, all on my European account that I had just made, and there it was… The demo for Kirby Star Allies! I was so happy, sitting on the edge of my seat as I opened the game and then, I was at the title screen!

You were presented with two options. One option was for the grassland levels that were shown off in the demo and the other I believe was some cave level, a beach level, and then the boss, King Dedede. As I played through the levels, I was at first excited, trying to look past the 30 FPS benchmark, and just enjoy the game for what it was, but as I played through the demo, my excitement for this game was beginning to die down and it's not what I hope it would be. The levels were just there, it was nothing special and I was hoping there was something special about it, and I wanted to like it, but it was just okay… When I got to the boss, King Dedede, it was actually the most fun I probably had in a Kirby game, as the boss was jumping around the room, and then transformed into the meme-worthy Buff Dedede boss, but then even after that, that was just it… That’s where my hype for the game ended. I couldn’t give it too much flack because this is just a demo after all, maybe when the full game comes out, maybe I’ll like it even more.

I exited out of the app, almost feeling disappointed but still thinking there’s hope to the game when it comes out, and then I decided to browse the news on my Switch for some reason, just to see what more they had to say about the game, and then I noticed something off… All the news that was being presented on the system were different… Like the thumbnails were different, and they were either Arms or Splatoon. I then watched one of the videos to check if something had changed and holy shit, it did. At the end of the video, it announced that the tournament will be held in European time, and then I had just realized… The Switch was now getting news from Europe!

“I didn’t want this!”, I said to myself…

At first I thought that the account that I had just made was linked to the European news, so I began to switch accounts to the default one I was using, you know, the American one, and then… The same thing. It was still getting European news, but still receiving American news as well. While some may not see any issue with this whatsoever, I however felt like it was affecting my newsfeed and subscriptions. So I looked up online on how to solve this problem and the only way the solve this problem was to, “nuke” your Nintendo Switch… Meaning, you have to factory reset the entire thing, and log in again! I didn’t want to do this, because first of all, all my photos and videos were on there, and then I thought to myself… Is this the price I have to pay, all because I couldn’t wait for a game to come out, and I guess I did… I sadly had to make a sacrifice… I went in the options menu and formatted the Nintendo Switch… After seeing that red background and the Nintendo Switch logo clicking, due to the format, which you’ll never see again by the way, everything was back to normal! Thankfully, Nintendo at this time knew what a cloud save was and it backed up everything. All my photos and videos were back and my saves weren’t affected by this decision. I then vowed to never make another Nintendo account ever again, and just be patient… And be patient I did… I woke up the next morning, it was March 14, and come to find out… The demo, here in America, had just been released, I felt like a fucking dumbass when that happened… I went through all that shit, only to find out that a day later, the demo would come to the states and it was all due to me being an impatient idiot.

Moving on, the day finally came, it was March 15, and I was so happy to buy this game. Going to my local Walmart at around 12 in the afternoon, I walked in, immediately rushed towards the video game section, asked the man to unlock the glass case holding all those games and here it was… Kirby Star Allies… The clerk even told me that they just got the game in today and I could already see that. I was not surprised to see that not too many people bought the game on release date, as you would think people would start scalping the game as it soon released, but knowing the state that I live in, I’m guessing not too many normies are into Kirby, so it’s understandable.

I remember being so fucking excited, just as much as I first got my Nintendo Switch, I was hugging the thing on the way home and then I rushed to my room, and plugged the game in on my dusty Nintendo Switch as the games for the thing are so fucking expensive, and then popped up on my screen was Kirby Star Allies! I started the game, getting my expectations up, and then the title screen! It played the intro cutscene just as was shown in Twitter, and I immediately got Kirby Super Star vibes just from watching it, and then it throws you into the main menu, and then I noticed something immediately when the menu was presented… The game was in 60 FPS! At that point I was relieved, thinking that the game was changed to 60 FPS and I can at least, finally enjoy the game again. Remember, I’m a 60 FPS guy, I don't like playing on low framerates, because it makes me feel like the game is lagging and I think 60 should be the standard for all games. So, then I started a new game, and then the cutscene for the game played. It was in 30 FPS, and I was like, okay, that’s usually normal for fully animated cutscenes to be in 30 FPS, so maybe the game would be in 60 FPS. So, then after that’s done, I was then presented to the world map of the game! The world map, then again, was in 30 FPS, so I then thought, well maybe the levels are in 60 FPS. Right? Wrong! On the map, you are thrown into this open environment, where Kirby can move around in 3D and select the levels (kind of like in Super Mario 3D Land), something that’s not usually seen in Kirby games! I went to the first level, and as expected, the game was in 30 FPS! I then thought, well if the game is going to be in 30 FPS, then it better be fucking good.

As I progressed through the game, World 1 was doing good so far, and I was having so much fun, as I was beginning to like this game because of it. There would also be times where you would have to befriend enemies in the game, mostly having four of them, helping you along by stepping on multiple switches, pulling levers, or jumping in cannons! I then got to King Dedede, the boss at the end of World 1, and then, going through the usual transformations, turning into Buff Dedede, after he has been defeated, Kirby does the usual dance like the previous installations! Then shortly after, all of a fucking sudden, fake credits started popping up on screen, and I’m like, what the fuck is this!? This is the most un-Kirby thing you can put in a Kirby game! I know it was supposed to be a joke, but to me, it felt forced! Like this would be something you’d see in a Luigi’s Mansion game, Super Mario Sunshine or a Rare-Ware game.

So I was like… “Okay…”. So on to the next world, the usual, maybe it might be a desert world or some kind of beach world, and it was kind of like that, but it was different than I expected. Here, in the next world, you’re thrown into like this overworld type environment called Planet Popstar, which at first I thought, oh that’s neat, at least it’s like Kirby’s Return to Dreamland, where the overworld map is a giant star, and you unlock more worlds within that map! So, I’m on this Warp Star, traversing through the map, and I see what I first thought was the second world of the game, Friendly Field. When I entered it, it was just a level, so I thought, okay, so maybe, this level is the entire world, maybe it’ll be just a compilation of levels just like Meta Knightmare Returns in Kirby Planet Robobot, or maybe it’s like Kirby’s Adventure, where it starts you off with the first level of the world and then drops you into the hub world, nothing to it, right? Then I finished the level and I’m like, hold the fuck up!? THAT’S IT!? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!? So, I’m thinking that instead of HAL making worlds in this game, Planet Popstar is the entire world!? WHAT KIND OF LOGIC IS THAT? So literally, all the parts of the map that I thought were worlds, are just levels! So, then I just thought that maybe, what comes after this might be another dimension right? You know, different dimension, unique levels, right? So I beat Planet Popstar, basically most of the levels of that area just being short recaps of worlds in previous Kirby games, like the beach world; lava world, etc.; the boss of that area being a possessed Meta Knight and then I unlock a new area, and it throws me into the final boss area? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?

Yeah, the world after this one is what I’m assuming to be the headquarters of the bad guys. That’s a bad move if you’re going to make a game that’s gonna throw you THIS early into the end part of the game, like what’s going on? I remember sitting in my chair thinking, “Wait, it’s over already? But I’m only 2 worlds in!”. So get this, this world is just called the Fortress of Shadows, which has to be the most random ass pull you can make for a fucking game! How much sense does it make that only 30 fucking minutes ago, you were going through all the normal levels and worlds, and then all of a sudden, you’re thrown into this final boss looking world! Like what the fuck? Have they ever heard of fucking story progression!? You know, have the game slowly build tension towards the climax? That would be like if you played a Mario game, and you completed worlds, 1 and 2, and then all of a sudden you thrown in world 8, Bowser’s world! What the fuck kind of logic is that? Was this game rushed or something? Was there any thought put into this game whatsoever, no wonder it took them a year to release this game, because that’s literally how much time they spent on making the game! Not completely fleshed out, just rushed out the door, and it was made within a year!

Never in my life, had a game that I had been so excited for had pissed me off this fucking much! It’s literally like Yoshi’s Island DS, all over again! This fucking game is like a girlfriend that you always had a crush on in school, you wanted to talk to her, but you’re too afraid to, and then you finally get to make the decision, you’re like, “Yes, I’m going to finally make that decision and talk to her! I’m going to finally ask her out on a date”, and then she agrees. So you’re so fucking excited! You take her out to a restaurant or go out to the park or whatever, and just have a good time, and then you get to finally be together with that girl, and then all of a sudden she starts acting like a fucking bitch. Just starts treating you like shit, acting like you owe her something, and I’m like, hold the fuck up, this is our fucking first date, but it doesn’t matter, because she decides to show her true fucking colors anyways, and that’s this fucking game!

What could’ve been a great game, and what could’ve been a game that I would’ve loved so near and dear to my heart, right next to Kirby Planet Robobot, was nothing more than an asshole waiting to take a shit on your fucking face! You may have not seen the asshole at first, but when you look closely enough, there it is! Even when you beat a level, the game automatically transcends to 60 FPS, like what the fuck!? Why not make the entire game like that, why did they make the game 30 FPS then, WOULD IT HAVE HURT TO MAKE THE FUCKING GAME 60 FPS!?

While there were some down moments in the game, some levels were pretty fun, like for example, that one autumn level called Planet Earthfall, where there’s leaves all over the place and you use the broom ability to sweep some of the leaves to progress, reaching the boss! That was a great level, and it was really relaxing, it was probably the most nostalgic level I have ever played through, but that’s where my love for this game ends, it just bits and pieces here and there. So, I beat, what presumably is supposed to be World 3, you know the villain hideout place, and then I went to world 4, and then all of a sudden, holy fucking shit! What the fuck is this!? All of a sudden, you’re presented with this like open map, outer space type environment and there are a bunch of planets to explore to. This place is called, Far-Flung Starlight Heroes. Pretty long name for an area in the game, why not just fucking call it, “Space Area”, or something! I get that this was supposed to be a homage to Milky Way Wishes in Kirby Super Star, but when I spent $60 for this game, I DID NOT FUCKING EXPECT THIS GAME TO END THIS WAY!? I was literally asking myself at this point, what the fuck is going on? Literally, I was fucking wondering what this game was trying to make me feel? There’s a lack of consistency throughout the game and this world shows it!

If you wanted this game to be a remake of Kirby Super Star, or like maybe a sequel, fine, be my guest, in fact, I would love that, actually; but don’t take elements from Super Star, and just cram it in without any rhyme or reason just for the fucking sake of it! You might say the same about Super Mario Odyssey, because of it’s Super Mario 64 nostalgia, but that’s justified, because it’s supposed to be a collectathon, and when you see elements of that game, it’s heartwarming! I don’t know what the fuck this game is trying to be!? Is this a traditional Kirby game or is this an open world game? Where is the plot going!? What the fuck is this game!?

While there were some levels in the game that were pretty enjoyable, others were downright just fucking annoying! Like this one level! I forgot what it was, but it was in World 4, the far-flung heroes world, mostly a green level in some kind of cave called Planet Caverna, and literally the fucking level was a maze like level, and as I was traversing through the level, at times I was beginning to feel aggravated and claustrophobic, not knowing where the fuck to go! The entire level is full of mini-bosses and then when you beat the bosses, you go to the next room and beat the level, right? NO! You have to fucking go back and fourth, going in multiple doors, to see which one is the right one until you beat the entire game! This level basically felt like a Ghost House level in New Super Mario Bros., it was that fucking annoying. When I got to this level in the game, the enjoyment and the pure excited that I had for this game had purely tanked, and they played us. HAL actually played us like a fucking dog! Just like how Star Wars fans were so fucking pissed when the Last Jedi came out, this fucking game was my personal, Last Jedi.

Every fucking level after that, was just forgettable! Level after level! I did not feel any anticipation for the next world at this point, I did not feel for the characters or why the villains are evil the way they are; I just wanted to finish the game as soon as possible, and you know that’s a bad sign, because isn’t that the point of playing a game, just to quote AVGN here; IS TO HAVE FUCKING FUN!? Like why make fucking World 4, the final world!? Even in Kirby’s Return to Dreamland, they had six worlds, but here it’s four worlds! What sense does it make for you to start the game out with a grass world, then the entire planet of the game, and then the fucking villain’s hangout area, and then OUTER SPACE!?

Now, it might’ve made sense for the space area to exist and they could’ve justified it by making it where if you go to world 4, maybe have you complete those levels, and then as you progress, you begin to realize how evil the villains are, and how much they’ve corrupted and deprived the planets of other beings; of their peace and freedom. Then when you get to the final boss, all the planets are under his control and when you defeat him, he reaches his second phase and then his soul would travel and possess Planet Popstar, and make A LITERALLY GIANT PLANET THE FINAL BOSS AND THEN USE ALL YOUR STAR ALLY BUDDIES AND TEAM UP, INCLUDING ALL THE PEOPLE FROM THE PLANETS THAT YOU HAVE SAVED, TO DESTROY YOUR HOME PLANET, POPSTAR, WHICH IS BEING USED AGAINST YOU AND HAVE THE GIANT PLANET BE AN ACTUAL FINAL BOSS! At least that plot would’ve been better than this fucking shitty, linear, point A to point B, game!

Oh no, but it gets even fucking worse! So after beating all the levels that I did not give a shit about, you (like at the end of every major event in each world) fight one of the fucking waifu sisters, the first one being the blue one which shoots water, the red one, which shoots fire, and the yellow one that produces electricity, and the yellow one was the one I was fighting at the end of World 4.

So, after you beat her, you finally get to the last level of the final game. Will this level be everything that I hope it would be, will the final boss of the game be just as badass as I thought it would be in the trailer!? It fucking better be! So, I played the level, my heart pounding, controller in hand, what the final boss was going to be, navigating through forgettable corridors and rooms leading up the final boss, left and right, and then, here we are… The final boss… The big man. The big guy behind all of this mayhem in Dreamland! We find out that Hyness, the big bad of the game who had been seizing all the hearts from Dreamland, wants to use those hearts to resurrect the dark lord of the game. Hearing this motive alone, reinstated all the love I had for this game, and maybe, JUST MAYBE, an ounce of respect would be gained from me once again, for this game… So, after exposition dump, after exposition dump, the fight then starts.

The first phase of Hyness is just him, almost defenselessly levitating around the room, throwing attacks at you in his way, so at this point, I was thinking this was some kind of build up. So I began, dodging some of the attacks and started hitting him, and then, something happened. Something that I did not expect. And at this point, my love for this game, tanked… Even. Fucking. Further… Hyness, second phase begins after you hit him a few times, and his clothes began to unravel. At first, during my reaction of seeing this, I thought it was a bit too early to reveal his face, and I preferred for it to remain covered for mystery purposes, but then I was like, well it’s too late, so I wouldn’t mind what the reveal would be. And then, the face reveal happened…

Are you kidding me… Are you fucking kidding me! YOU BUILT UP SO MUCH FUCKING POTENTIAL FOR THIS FUCKING GAME, THAT YOU COULDN’T EVEN GET THE FUCKING FINAL BOSS RIGHT!? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? OF ALL THE FUCKING TRUE FORMS THAT YOU COULD’VE COME UP WITH, YOU LITERALLY THOUGHT FOR ONE MINUTE THAT, “hmm, what should the design for our final boss should be, OH YEAH, LET’S MAKE HIM LOOK LIKE FUCKING SQUIDWARD! THAT’LL DO THE TRICK!”, WAS A GOOD FUCKING IDEA!? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!?

I was literally, sitting in my fucking chair with a shocked expression on my face, as if I’ve seen a horse fucking a human in the fucking ass, questioning my fucking sanity at this point! How the fuck did we go from this,

To this,

To fucking this?

This fucking boss had so much fucking potential! I remember thinking to myself how fucking awesome this boss would be, just the design alone for Hyness was so fucking badass and I thought it was gonna top Zero Two from Kirby 64, because who knows what his true form would’ve been. Maybe some kind of demon that is so hideous to look it, or just an outright Castlevania-like final boss! I’m down with that, any eldritch abomination over this laughable of a fucking final boss right here! And I know you might be saying, “Well, Meta Knight, when unmasked is just another Kirby”, yeah but that’s a side character, he’s not a fucking final boss of all things (Well, except Revenge of Meta Knight in Kirby Super Star). If Kirby games had a history of nightmare inducing final bosses, why not carry the torch with this one!?

So, after we fight Squidward’s lost, abominable cousin, then we get to the third phase of the final boss, and surprisingly, the game actually changes it up! The game switches to this like this 3D third person perspective game, flying around on a warp star with your friends, while fighting this giant dark lord, that’s walking towards you. I’ll admit, I was pretty impressed when I first saw this and did not expect anything like this for the final boss. The warp star mechanic reminded me of Kirby Air Ride in a way, and jumping over the boss’s shockwave from the stomps, almost gave me Shadow of the Colossus vibes. However, that wasn’t enough to get me to like this game, as shortly after, when you do fight the final boss, you have to get inside him three times and fight this like smiling ball thingy, which in a way, looks like Kirby, and it’s the most easy, monotonous things that I have ever had to sit through in a game… After you beat the final boss, then it explodes, and then the Squidward looking guy joins along with us on our warp star, as the game teaches us that friendship is indeed magic!

FUCK THIS FUCKING GAME, THIS FUCKING GAME WAS PURE, FUCKING, DISAPPOINTING GARBAGE! SERIOUSLY! What the fuck were they thinking when they came up with this fucking mess! This game, at the end of the day, made me feel like fucking nothing! Like fucking $60!? That could’ve went to a fucking good, fancy restaurant! You can buy three packs of ground beef with that amount of money! You can buy a fucking week’s worth of fucking steaks with that amount of money! I can buy fucking DS games on one hand with that kind of money! Seriously, what the fuck where they thinking! A short game, that’s not worth your time, shitty mechanics, forgettable levels, annoying characters, a disappointing final boss, and a game locked at 30 FPS, all at the fucking price of $60 fucking dollars! This is fucking unacceptable, like, I might’ve forgiven it if it were to be like maybe $30, AND if it were only 60 FPS, then maybe, just MAYBE, at that price, but fucking $60? That’s enough for a big AAA game at this point, granted Nintendo is AAA, but still! Hell! No, even fucking AAA games are cheaper than this shit! I’ve bought fucking Star Wars Battlefront (2015) at my local GameStop for $2! FUCKING 2 DOLLARS! I’M NOT FUCKING KIDDING! AND THEY WANT TO CHARGE YOU $60 FOR THIS EMBARRASSING PIECE OF GARBAGE!? I can understand games at $60, because most of those games are usually very long, like I played Red Dead Redemption 2, and that game was $60, but you know what? That game, takes you at most! 1-2 weeks to complete it! There is no fucking excuse for this game to be fucking $60!

Even after the countless updates that were announced for the game, such as new allies in the game, they still didn’t fix the framerate issue! All they cared about is the fucking ally gimmick in this game, that’s all they cared about! They didn’t give a shit about the fucking game, it’s like they just made as many pointless levels in the game, and tried to mold them, and tailor them in a way to suit the ally gimmick for this game, but not try to implement the story or give you a reason to keep playing! This fucking game is just as disappointing as Yoshi’s Island DS, because I loved the fucking SNES game that came out, and I thought, well Kirby Super Star Ultra for the DS was a remake of the original, maybe this game would be like that, but no, it was a half-assed, watered down copy, which shamefully took the name Yoshi’s Island, and slapped the DS at the end of it to trick customers into thinking it’s a remake, but instead, a piece of fucking shit sequel with more annoying fucking babies screaming in your fucking ear, throughout the entire fucking game!

Even a year later after this game came out, when Super Kirby Clash was announced, which was a free to play game with microtransactions, the GAME IS STILL IN FUCKING 30 FPS!? So, to me, it seems like, the future for the Kirby franchise is doomed for me, because if you can’t make a game that’s worth my time as a Kirby fan, then why fucking bother! This fucking game was just as disappointing to me as when I first got Kirby Squeak Squad, and even that game was worth your fucking time, because at least the game took around 7-8 hours to fucking beat! Yeah, even though the game was unmemorable, at least the levels were of decent length, and you kind of felt somewhat accomplished when you beat the final boss of that game, but this game? This game is like going to the kitchen and getting water from the fountain, only instead to find out that the water is fucking warm instead of cold! This is like squeezing a constipated shit turd out of your asshole, only for it to hit the water and splash right back up into your asshole.

And you know, that’s really sad, because, I’m a huge Kirby fan, I fucking love Kirby, there’s something about the franchise that just calms me down and puts me in a good mood! I remember being a kid and first hearing about Kirby in the commercial (it was 2008), and it was for Kirby Super Star Ultra for the Nintendo DS. I remember how much I wanted to play that game, and I was like, “Wow, Kirby is so fucking cool! He can have all these superpowers and beat up enemies? That’s fucking awesome!”. Of course, I was young back then and didn’t know about consoles, so I looked it up online and the first flash game I played was this colored Kirby game with Kirby’s Dreamland 3 Intro music playing in the background, and you just walked around, inhaling blocks and throwing it at enemies, and it was so nostalgic! I felt so much peace and happiness when I played it. Then one day, I stumbled upon Nintendo8’s website and saw Kirby’s Adventure and said, “Hey, I heard of Kirby, and I finally get to play one of their official games! I wonder what it’s all about?”. Next thing I knew, I was playing a fun, action, side-scroller game, and I fucking hooked, granted I couldn’t beat Kracko at the time, but other than that, the rest was history, I was then in love with the Kirby franchise!

Kirby helped me with my anxiety and my depression, it helped me progress through the struggle that I was dealing with in my life. I remember on my 12th birthday, I got Kirby’s Return to Dreamland with my first ever Nintendo Wii, and I was so fucking happy at the time, every level was fun, the giant weapon gimmick was actually fun and the fact that you could use it on mini-bosses and also at the final boss of the game was even more fun! I remember getting Kirby Triple Deluxe for the Nintendo 3DS and saying how relaxing that game was, granted it was forgettable, but at the end of the day, the game was $30, and it was so relaxing and stress relieving. When Kirby Planet Robobot was announced, I wasn’t too excited for the game, as I wasn’t into futuristic looking games like Metroid, or Mass Effect, and I preferred traditional natural levels, but then I got the game for my 17th birthday, and I was so happy! Literally, level, after level, the game got better, and it exceeded my expectations! This is why you never judge a book by its cover! The game story-wise got more interesting, and the levels were becoming more intriguing! The developers actually gave a shit and put so much care into this game!

And then this game came out, and now, it ruined that for me! This game to me, is literally how Metroid fans felt about Metroid: Other M, it felt short, rushed, and uninspired. Literally, the entire game was fucking four worlds (if not, five worlds if you count the final boss area) long! This game was so fucking short, I managed to beat this game within 3 hours! Three fucking hours! Not even indie games are that short! All the other Kirby games at most, took at least 10 hours to beat on normal run, and all the while, doing-so, the levels were satisfying and memorable at best when you beat those games! This entire game here, felt like a mixed fucking bag, like you have a fucking beautiful cake that you decide to throw away, and the baker throws it in the dumpster because it’s stale now, so the cake is now in pieces, mixed with piss, shit, and vomit that the people two streets down the road from a bar, decided to duke it out on it, all the while already being mixed with rat feces, rotten, moldy, watermelons, and fucking hobo piss, and you’re a homeless guy, starving. You see parts of that beautiful cake in pieces, in the dumpster, and you want to eat it, but it’s mixed with piss, puke, and shit, but you have no choice but to eat it, because you’re already starving, might as well just give in. So you try to force yourself to eat the good bits in the garbage, ignoring the piss and shit mixed in with it, and you just rinse and fucking repeat. Not satisfying whatsoever, and in the end, you feel like fucking shit. It’s a good-looking cake, but it’s mixed with piss and shit, and that’s how I fucking felt about this fucking game. I figured, I’ve spent $60 on this game, might as well go all the way. $60 fucking wasted, $60 down the fucking drain.

Trust me when I say this, that this game is not fucking worth your money! Don’t buy this fucking game, I would even argue and go as far to say not to buy it used! This fucking game feels rushed and unfinished, it’s like they had a bunch of random scrapped levels from previous Kirby games and just threw them together, it’s not worth $60! Red Dead Redemption is worth $60! Fucking Dark Souls is worth $60. Hell, even Super Mario Odyssey is worth $60! This game is way too short to be $60, and you know, I had an argument with a friend (I’m getting ahead of myself here, he’ll be mentioned in the next chapter), and this stupid ass motherfucker is going to say, “Welp, the game can’t be perfect all the time, maybe next time, IDK”, MOTHERFUCKER, YOU WOULD BE FUCKING PISSED TOO IF YOU’VE BEEN A FUCKING LONGTIME LOYAL FUCKING FAN OF A FRANCHISE THAT YOU’VE BEEN SUPPORTING AND ROOTING FOR AND PUT YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY, YOUR HARD EARNED ALLOWANCE INTO BUYING THAT FUCKING GAME, ONLY TO GET TREATED TO THIS!? SO SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT! FUCK THIS GAME!

Hopefully when the new Nintendo Switch Pro comes out, it’ll iron out all the flaws with the 30 FPS cap and everything, and then, maybe the game might be playable to me, but even then, it still doesn’t rule out the fact that this game is a pile of stinking dogshit.

After that anecdote, this game left me feeling empty. I did not get anything from this game, and I felt like the hours that I put into this game, would’ve been the hours put into halfway completing other Kirby games. I didn’t even finish the boss endurance, and that was usually the best part of the entire game, because you get to beat your favorite bosses that you came across, but this game was too shitty and the framerate was too shitty to be completed. This game was a huge disappointment, and after playing this game, it almost made me lose courage into making my own game. Continuing on after that incident, I began to work less and less on my game I’ve been looking forward to, as I decided to just take a break from it altogether and just try to stay caught up on other things Nintendo related. Shortly after, around the summer of 2018, The Nintendo Direct was announced for E3 that year, and many people as usual were looking forward to it, as they wondered, I myself included, how this direct would top off the last year’s Nintendo Direct.

I remember coming home from school one day, as I was never a person who watched live streams, so I would just watch mostly people’s reactions to the videos or just watch full playback of the videos in general, as fucking live stream comment sections can be cancerous as fuck. I watched the Nintendo Direct video of that year, and it was nothing special to be honest, the only thing I remember about the Direct was Fire Emblem, and SUPER SMASH BROS. ULTIMATE!!! Do you think I was possibly going to forget that? That’s the thing with Nintendo, they’re like Santa Claus, they love surprising their fans and find really fun ways to reveal their products to the world! I remember seeing the trailer for the first time and just like any other Nintendo fan, I was fucking blown away. I remember when Smash Bros. was first announced for the Switch back in 2017, and it was teased via a fake Splatoon trailer, and everyone lost their fucking minds! So this time with this direct, Nintendo finally revealed the gameplay trailer for the game, and I was surprised that seeing it for the first time, the game was finally in 60 FPS for once! Yeah, not 30 FPS, or else it would’ve been unplayable. How ironic that this game was made by HAL, the same company that couldn’t make Kirby Star Allies 60 FPS, but I’m not gonna complain. I was so excited to get this game, and knowing the fact that Smash Bros was one of the games that made me really love the Nintendo 3DS, I couldn’t wait for the game to be released on December of that same year!

Seeing this has fully restored my faith into my game project that I had been working on once more, and it had provided me more motivation and fuel to continue forward, as I decided to start pushing through again. I opened up Graphics Gale, and started working some more enemy sprites for the game as usual. At this time, I had just gotten a drawing tablet and as I have been making mostly concept art sketches on the computer, Graphics Gale was no stranger to this treatment either. I once again, like in the past, had put many hours into making pixel art for my game.

As I was developing the game I wanted to make and getting caught up with Nintendo stuff, FINALLY, it was around August, 2018, and of course, the new Nintendo Direct had been announced, and it was mostly Smash Bros. of course. The direct mostly showcased more detail into the gameplay for the game, showing the usual fighting mechanics just like most other Smash Bros. games HAD, and that you can take screenshots, and I believe playbacks of matches that you fought in. This was run of the mill and this was to be expected, however, the direct was then interrupted by a teaser trailer for a new fighter that would be announced. I remember sitting in my chair, wondering what this sudden interruption was. Shortly after, it was just a 3D animated teaser trailer of Luigi wearing his gear from Luigi’s Mansion, traversing through a dark, seemingly haunted castle. At first, I thought, “Oh, it’s probably another Fire Emblem character.”, and as I continued watching, Luigi begins to run from scary things like shadows, mostly figments of his imagination, and etc. Then, appeared a giant skeleton, wearing a blue cloak, holding a giant scythe…

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! IS THAT DEATH FROM CASTLEVANIA!!!???”, I nearly screamed! There it was, I was fucking orgasming in my pants like fuck! For fucking years I have wanted this character to be in Smash, and there it finally is!!! Luigi gets killed by Death, and then a whip comes from the shadows and fucking knocks Death’s jawbone, throwing him back a little! And then, we see the whip wielding cloaked figure to be none other than, Simon Belmont! Ever since I was a little kid, I always wanted Simon Belmont to be in Smash Bros, and he’s finally here! We then see gameplay of Simon kicking ass and using his sub-weapons, which is exactly how I envisioned Simon Belmont to be in this game! Then, the final part of the trailer, Simon Belmont is climbing up these stairs, fighting Dracula in gameplay form, then it cuts to the animated part of it, as Simon has been hit by his flames as he is about to get toasted by his fireballs and then, OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE ANOTHER BELMONT APPEARS!!!

“BEGONE, YOU DON’T BELONG IN THIS WORLD, MONSTER!”, HOLY FUCKING SHIT! THEY ACTUALLY FUCKING ADDED RICTHER FUCKING BELMONT IN THIS GAME! My favorite Belmont, my favorite legacy character in the entire Castlevania series! From Rondo of Blood, to Symphony of the Night! He’s finally here! We get to see him use his sub-weapon which is the hydro-storm attack from SOTN, and then kicking more ass, whipping his opponents off the screen, and etc. Shortly after, Sakurai went even a step further and even added Alucard! My second favorite Castlevania character! Sadly, Alucard is only an assist trophy in this game, which is really fucking sad because I would’ve loved to see him as a playable fighter, and that would've been really fucking awesome to play as! Now that would be the Fire Emblem character “I” would love to play!

The reception to this new character in Smash Bros. was pretty mixed, as for some reason, everyone is so fucking normie that they don’t know what Castlevania actually is! I have only watched one reactor to this teaser trailer that actually got what Castlevania was, and had seemingly recognized Simon and Richter Belmont in the game. Oh well, to me, I was pretty happy and this REALLY GAVE me more reasons to buy this game! I know I was biting the bullet the same way I did for Kirby Star Allies, but seeing the game at 60 FPS, and knowing that my favorite character, Richter Belmont, who I know definitely for sure I was going to main, I totally without a doubt was going to buy this game for sure!

So then, there I was, sitting at my computer, making my enemy sprite as usual for my game that I wanted to make, once again. I remember looking through the folder of the sprites that I had made so far, and within a year, I had worked on, I had made 5 GB’s worth of content in the folder! That includes, player sprites, enemies, power-ups, backgrounds, tile-sets, etc.! I had accumulated so much content on the folder I did not know what to do with them. Then, a sudden flash of light had hit the brain within me, as a sudden realization I had never seen before had just surfaced in my head for once… I need to make a fucking game! I realized that I had spent so much time making sprites in Graphics Gale, putting all my time and effort into making them, that I realized that all those months of making sprites for the game could’ve also been put in learning how to program for the game that I had always wanted to make. That’s it, I decided to bite the bullet for real this time. I had stalled for 10 years, not doing a damn thing, and I have finally decided to make my game once and for all!

I thought about what game engine that I wanted to use, as learning C++ or Java is way out of my league, so I decided to learn something simple. I was sitting down, thinking to myself, what programming language I can use? After many minutes of thinking, I then suddenly remembered a childhood program that I’ve used in the past. It was a program I, my 10 year old self, had used to make my first game. Knowing the fact that my game was pretty shitty, and I wouldn’t want to go back to using such a game engine, due to how buggy and glitchy it actually was, I finally decided to give it a shot for once! I then made the final decision. I was going to learn how to use Game Maker Studio 2!

After the fact that I don’t trust Game Maker, as I thought it was a buggy mess, I decided to finally give it a chance. I went on their website as I haven’t seen their website in like 6 years at that point. I then noticed something different about the page. Like before in the past, Yoyo Game’s website was very simple in terms of design and navigation, but now the website is fancily animated now, with advanced scripts being put right in. So, I went to search for the download button and, for some reason there’s a trial? What kind of bullshit is this!? I have to pay? Now granted, I remember when I was using Game Maker 8 back then, there were two versions. One was the Lite version which also had limited features and a watermark, and Standard, which was the full version of the program that allowed you to have access to not only more features and no watermarks, but also you could even make 3D games with it!

But here, they went an extra mile! You can’t make more than 15 objects in this game! Meaning that if you do, it’ll prompt you to pay for the full version, which is fucking bullshit! Well anyways, I just decided to download it thinking that this would help me feel my way around the program and practice making games on the thing. After downloading Game Maker Studio 2, I was presented with a UI that I had never seen before in my entire life! What is this!? What happened to the simple resource tree? Now all of a sudden it’s a confusing clusterfuck of mess! Literally, the entire program had been changed to what was once a simple, minimalistic program design, to a more confusing, abstract of mess with literally windows scattered all over the place!

As I began to traverse through the program, I started to feel the familiarity that I haven’t felt in a long time. I had finally decided to revisit Game Maker! So after fucking around with the UI of the program, I finally get to accomplish my dream of making the game that I had always wanted to make. Insect Mashers! I began searching up YouTube on tutorials for Game Maker, and I typed in how to make a platformer game, and the first result that popped up on YouTube was a tutorial by Shaun Spalding who made a series of tutorials that answered this criteria, and also it was done in GMS2, which was neat.

I opened up the first result and we get the usual like any other tutorial on YouTube, “Hello, and today, I’m going to show you how to make X”. If you can’t tell, I was really impatient back then, as I had wanted to just make my game right away, so I began following the tutorial and just like any other beginner, I did not know how programming works, so seeing the tutorial at first was all gibberish to me. Literally, I felt like (and sometimes still do) the tutor was just pulling things out of his ass without explaining anything or how it would work and when he does, to me he explained very poorly, but I just kept following along, no questions asked.

A week later of going through this suit, I had finally made a decent platformer, granted the controls were a bit stiff and mechanical but the fact that I finally get to use the sprite of the player that I had actually made myself in Graphics Gale, and seeing it come to life on my own computer screen was a huge accomplishment! It was as if I had just created my first child and it had finally come to life in the form of code and pixels! As I began to watch more videos by Shaun Spalding, the very first mistake I made when learning GML was the fact that I was so impatient and it would take me a month to finally attempt to learn the basics for once.

I began searching up mass videos on YouTube, looking up specific things that I wanted to implement in the game, of course these were very specific and not every GMS tutor have the time to put out every video that would answer those questions. After a while, I began to feel like a cheapskate, realizing that I’m not learning the basics of GML and caring more about, “How do I do this? Oh, just paste the code, the end!”, instead of actually taking the time to learn the fundamentals of programing, so I did just that. I was tired of running and I finally decided to take it more seriously this time.

I finally went on to watch a YouTube video which was a part of a series called something like, “Game Maker Language for Beginners”, or something like that. It was a series done by a YouTuber who did an excellent job in explaining and making things simple for me to understand! The YouTuber’s name was, “Beyond us Games”, and to this day, he still makes things very simple for me to understand, as he would break down the most complex topics and make it very simple to understand! However, even after months of relentless watching of tutorials, I still couldn’t for the life of me understand the basics of GML, like “IF” statements and variables were all the while, still confusing to me. I had watched so many Game Maker tutorials, that I would’ve watched almost every GMS YouTuber under the sun and even then, I still didn’t fucking get it! Literally, every GMS YouTuber that you could think of, whether it be Shaun Spalding, to HeartBeast, and Beyond us Games, to even obscure YouTubers as well, I could not for the life of me, understand what all of this actually meant!

Eventually, I found out that Beyond us Games had put out a course on Udemy, and of course, my family has an account on there, so I decided to ask them if they could buy the course for me and luckily enough, there was a massive sale that day, so the course was 90% off the original price! This gave me a spark of hope and as soon as it was purchased, I began the course. The tutor gives us some encouraging words before starting the series altogether, giving me hope that I will one day master Game Maker, and make the game that I had always envisioned in my head. His first set of tutorials were simple, as he gives us the overview of the Game Maker Studio 2 interface and learning the ropes as usual. Then we get into the meat of the course which is downloading the assets from some website that he had put down in the description and then we’re off to learning how to code.

I was so devoted to learning GML that I would literally be up all night, watching tutorials and further coding the game in a trial and error type manor and drinking my coffee, that’s how much I was determined to learn how to code in GML. As I watched tutorial after tutorial, I as usual, didn’t understand the purpose of the code that he just brought up and I feel like I wasn’t going anywhere. It was as if I was just typing down what they wanted me to type down, and I didn’t feel like I learned anything new. Like, I didn’t know how to apply any of this to my own game, as I was still stuck with the constant use of “IF” statements, and variables.

After going down this rabbit hole, I would continue to sit in front of my computer, hoping that my brain would just come up with some kind of code that would help implement that certain feature into my game. However, as I began to progress in adding more code onto the already previously coded conditions in the script due to excessive watching of tutorials, it was mostly a guessing game as I constantly piled “IF” statements into the mix, thinking that “IF” statements are the be-all, end-all solution to my problems, however over time, because of my lack of understanding of how GML would work, I began to become more and more fucking frustrated. As I kept running the game, my patience began to wear out over time. There were times where I was sitting at my desk for literally 6-8 hours at a time, trying to figure out how this fucking code works. For some reason, I could not get it to work and after a while I got so aggravated, I decided to just get away from programming all together for a short moment at that time. I remember, just sitting up at my computer, looking like I was about to fucking kill someone at that moment, and I was having a mental fucking breakdown over the countless trial and error moments that I had tried to apply to my code, but nothing’s sticking. I tried again once more and did the usual code in game maker for the millionth fucking failure of a prototype that I've made, and then, I tested the game, and then this happened… The player was falling through the block.

“THAT’S IT!!!”, I fucking shouted, in fucking frustration. I couldn’t take it anymore and at that moment, I felt hopeless, I never was gonna get my game off the ground, if I can’t understand the concept of a fucking variable and how “IF” statements and all these other functions worked, then just fuck it then... I just felt like a failure at that point and I wanted to rest and die… I remember getting up out of my chair, and hopelessly laid in bed, recounting all the times I tried to get the game to work, but it just wouldn’t fucking work, so here I was, depressed and all, almost to the point of crying, and I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. I didn’t know where to begin, don’t know what to do. I tried reading the manual like everyone said, but it was all gibberish to me, what do they mean about X and Y, I had no fucking clue. So, at this point, my hopes of creating that game that I always wanted had been shattered.

As months went by, I began to go back and forth at this point, most of the depression being combined with reading the negative comments on YouTube, which I still don’t know why I thought that was a good idea, as the comment section on there is toxic as ever, and knowing the fact that I suffer from Bipolar, OCD, and depression, I would constantly be in this Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, state. People began to, as usual, be fucking graphic whores and were unappreciative of art. I would constantly go on videos around this point and read the comments of indie games that’s coming out and for some reason, I don’t know why but I would just put myself in these developer’s shoes, wondering how I would react to comments in general. I don’t know why, it doesn’t matter if they had three comments or majority of the comments are very positive, I always went and looked for that one negative comment and that was my Achilles Heel for me.

The negative comments on videos were the usual, just like before, graphic whores who just complain about the graphics not being high resolution, and they would constantly hate on the game because of it. To me, and knowing my love for 32 bit sprites in games, it’s sad to see that this is what the world has come to that they can’t appreciate art like this. I began to become obsessively defensive and I would respond to those negative comments, usually me just cussing them out and telling them that they have no appreciation for art, and that sprite art takes lots of work, and then the usual replies come in. Their defense was that they don’t enjoy “hipster” things. Old things like Mr. Game and Watch, Tomagotchi’s, etc. First of all, 16 bit sprite art isn’t hipster, it’s a medium. It’s a beautiful work of art, that if done right, it can really immerse the player into the game and can get put to good use. If you can’t appreciate the fact that hard work goes into making sprites for games, then you can go fuck yourself.

As weeks go by, I began to continue reading YouTube comments as usual, people still complaining about games being in 2D rather than 3D, which to me, I still don’t fucking see why people care so much about that? Like, I don’t hear people who went to the movies, complain about a Disney movie being in 2D, and whining why it isn’t in 3D, it’s fucking bullshit. 2D should be accepted as a medium, not in terms of outdated advancement! We shouldn’t be going to war over which fucking “D” is better, what matters is the art and how it is expressed, hence why these two things are different mediums! As time went on, I got so aggravated from reading all of this that I would eventually decide to quit game development all together. I just couldn’t take it anymore, at that moment in my life, as dramatic as it all sounds, I began to hate video games. I literally mean it, but all of this wouldn’t have happened, had this incident taken place…

I was on Twitter, as if you didn’t know, I was still pretty active on the platform at the time, and I was scrolling through tweets, and I would usually type in the search box about things that’s related to me, to see if there’s other people on the site that would share that same opinion as mine. I typed in, “Richter Belmont main”, or just Richter Belmont in general, and as I was scrolling through, people were giving the character so much hate on Twitter, some calling him homophobic remarks, others saying that he would be low tier. Reading this angered me severely, as knowing the fact that I love Richter Belmont so much, and seeing people just trashing him like this, put me on edge. This developed not only my further separation from video games, as I’m fed up with the fucking community, but also my decision to boycott Smash Bros. altogether. I decided not to buy the game when it finally comes out, and that’s because I don’t want to be around a bunch of fucking dickheads that have that elitist mentality, and even to this fucking day, I still refuse to touch another copy of Smash Bros., all thanks to the community deciding to be fucking dicks.

However, this might sound crazy, but this isn’t the thing that really set me off edge. No, this was just one of the things that contributed to my hatred towards video games; However, this one incident alone is what set me over the fucking edge, and to this day, it’s one of the reasons why I don’t read the YouTube comments anymore. I was on one of ReviewTechUSA’s videos, and he did a video on the Nintendo Switch Online, and back then, around that time, this was around the fall of 2018 when Nintendo decided to release an online service where people can sign up and pay either monthly, or yearly to resume their subscription service for the thing. You might think that it’s not that bad, as Microsoft did it with their Xbox Live and Sony with their PlayStation Now, but what Nintendo did here, and I agree as well; it was bullshit. You’re only paying $20 a year alone, for retro games, and while that might be a good thing, because we did ask for Virtual Console on the system, the fact that Nintendo was charging us MONTHLY, to play some retro games, the same ones you could easily emulate on your computer was bullshit! Not only that, but there’s no voice chat as well, and in order to voice chat, you have to download an app just to do voice chat! You might as well talk to someone over the phone while you play, and it would be just the same effect!

So basically, you’re paying monthly/yearly to play some old games that you could’ve just bought off previous eShops or just emulated for free. With the fact that you have to pay to play these old games, what’s the point, if all you’re going to do is beat them, and never play them again? It could’ve went to, like I said, instead of the app, just have Nintendo Switch Online be for games like Splatoon. Also, another concern for the Nintendo Switch Online, was the fact that there was no answer to cloud saves for those who did want to play those retro games, and that if your subscription ended, would it erase all of your data that was put into playing those games? Thankfully, Nintendo answered that question, saying that if your subscription service expires, it would be the same effect as if you would’ve paused your subscription service, meaning your data would still be there, frozen behind a $20 paywall, but still, it goes to show that Nintendo can make the dumbest decisions.

Well anyways, I’m getting off track, so I agreed as usual with ReviewTechUSA’s video, I’m not saying that the issue here was Rich, no, far from that; no, instead, as usual, I read the YouTube comments (seriously, if all the other times, the comment section was bad, why did I still read them?) and it was a comment stating that Nintendo is full of old Japanese men who don’t know what they’re doing. Now, that comment wasn’t the one that offend me, I was luckily smart enough to know that it’s a joke, but it was one of the replies to that comment that really sparked my hatred for video games for a short while. It was by the user who went by, “#PS5MasterRace”.

For those who don’t know, #PS5MasterRace was an infamous YouTube commenter, who would assert his dominance over other’s preferences of consoles, primarily Nintendo videos, basically being a fucking console fanboy who likes to bash others for not choosing their console. Literally, if you were a Nintendo fan like me, you could not get away from this fucking guy! Almost every fucking Nintendo related video would have this sad sack of excuse of a living pile of shitty fucking flesh commenting on those videos! Now granted, you might say, that it’s normal that many people in the gaming community have this console war mentality, I’ve known several, and I just laugh them off as just stupid fucking trolls, but what this fucking guy did, he fucking amped it up to fucking eleven, and to this day, what he did was fucking unforgivable. If I could fucking find this guy and assassinate him John Wick style, I, fucking would.

So, you may be asking what did he do, what did he say? Well, it’s not the fact that what he said offended me, it’s the fact that this fucking, loathesome cunt, this fucking sad excuse of a fucking human being, this fucking piece of low life fucking shit that have the fucking audacity to breathe and exist among the human fucking race, is still on this platform. This guy has a fucking history of being on almost every fucking Nintendo video, almost to the point where he’s like Justin Y (for those who don’t know, Justin Y is a YouTube commenter who posts on almost every video on the site), but instead, he targets Nintendo videos. I saw this guy around the early half of 2017, and he would fucking put people down for being a Nintendo fan and saying that his fucking console of choice is better. This really put the nail in the coffin for me at that time, but I kept pushing through and as time went by, his account slowly disintegrating throughout the years, and I literally thought he was gone.

It wasn’t until around this time when I saw that account again, I began to get flashbacks of the horrors of the fucking gaming community, and how fucking immature and fucking childish these fucking people can be. If you go to his channel (which I won’t recommend, so I’ll just describe my experiences here), I, at first noticed that his profile picture has changed. Before it was a profile pic of a white guy with sunglasses, holding up a sign that says, “God hates you”. I don’t know, to this day, what this means, he’s probably one of those fucking atheist cunts as well, who knows. Well, now, his profile picture has changed to a red profile pic with just a white, circular text, saying, “PS5 Master Race”. At least, this guy had the decency to change his old, punchable face to a more obvious one. Well anyways, moving onto his channel, he literally upload videos in a fucking format that’s so out of date, it’s pathetic. He literally has no microphone, it’s literally fucking videos edited with Windows Movie Maker, literally, like he used the text feature to display sentences which was edited by WMM! I remember going on his channel for the first time and thinking to myself, “Is this 2008? Why is this guy using Windows Movie Maker?”.

Well anyways, I wouldn’t have mind and probably would’ve just moved on, depressed as usual as it is, and then I saw one of the latest uploads on his channel. It was a video called, “Another Nintoddler Bites The Dust”. I watched the video, and the first thing I noticed was that the video was bombarded with fucking dislikes, like literally, the dislike bar fucking devoured the remaining likes! And then I watched the video. The video starts out with him delivering the news that a Nintendo fan who had been diagnosed with I think cancer, or leukemia was given a chance by Nintendo to have I think a copy of Super Mario Odyssey or Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, one of the Nintendo games for the Switch before release at the time, I forgot which one. Well anyways, he literally fucking celebrated his death. FUCKING CELEBRATED! He said in the video that he hopes he rots in hell, and that hopefully he’s down there, just like Satoru Iwata is.

You fucking piece of fucking shit. You fucking cunt. Is this what we’ve fucking come to as fucking human beings, where we are fucking treating fucking people that are not on our side, as fucking barbaric enemies, OVER FUCKING PIXELS! OVER FUCKING PIXELS ON A FUCKING TV SCREEN, IS THIS WHAT WE’VE FUCKING COME TO AS HUMAN BEINGS, THAT WE ARE FUCKING CELEBRATING ANOTHER PERSON’S DEATH, OVER A FUCKING CHOICE OF A CONSOLE THAT ISN’T YOURS! I HOPE YOU GET RUN OVER BY A CAR! I HOEP YOU, YOUR FUCKING FAMILY, YOUR FUCKING GRANDPARENTS, AND YOUR FUCKING RELATIVES FUCKING DIE IN A FIRE! I HOPE YOU GET RUN OVER BY A FUCKING TRAIN YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BREATHE ANOTHER FUCKING BREATH IN THIS FUCKING WORLD, BECAUSE YOU LITERALLY, SHARE THE SAME FUCKING BLOOD AS HITLER AT THIS FUCKING POINT! FUCK YOU, AND I HOPE YOU GET RUN OVER BY A FUCKING TRAIN, AS YOUR FUCKING INSIDES BOUNCE ALL OVER THE FUCKING RAILROAD TRACKS, AND THEN YOU DON’T GET A PROPER BURIAL ON TOP OF THAT! I HOPE SOMEONE PISS ON YOUR FUCKING ASHES!

This is fucking Nazi level ideology! This is something a far-rightwing thinktank would spew! This is fucking Hitler levels of fucking thinking right here! Like this is the stuff you would read on a site like the Daily Stormer. Thankfully enough, the video has thousands of fucking dislikes! Like literally, those fucking 55 people (at the time) who liked that video are fucking Neo-Nazis. There I said it, if you support a fucking person who would say something this fucking low, then you’re a fucking Nazi, I’m sorry, no, I’m not sorry, fuck Nazis, and fuck the person who made this fucking video. And you wonder why I’ve developed a hatred for video games, no, not just video games, you wonder why I created this blog in general. It’s because I’m frustrated with fucking humanity, and overtime, everything I’m mentioning in this document, this is just one side of the coin right here, I’m going to delve further into my hatred for humanity, their mistreatment of my very existence, and how I’ve become a fucking misanthrope over the years, because fucking people like this, if the world allows fucking pieces of shit like this to breathe, then I should be allowed to have misanthropic views as well.

And it goes to show how fucking ironic and hypocritical this situation really is! Isn’t it funny that fucking people who bash Nintendo fans and say that they’re “Nintoddlers”, are also fucking childish themselves! Like the fact that you took the fucking time to make a video, publish it on YouTube, and just keep piling video after video, with the same hate without any elaboration or explanation; isn’t that very thing in it of itself, is childish as fucking well!? Fucking hypocrites! And besides? What the fuck did Nintendo do to you!? What the fuck did they do to deserve this much fucking hate? I know console wars has always been a thing and there’s always going to be that fucking hate mob mentality, but how the fuck did we get to a point where fucking people have this fucking KKK/Nazi levels of hatred towards a different group of people, all because their fucking pixels on their console doesn’t match the same amount of fucking pixels on the elitist’s console? Nintendo, the same fucking company that you hate, is the fucking company that saved the video industry (well America’s industry) from crashing to the ground; it goes to show that not only the video game community can be toxic, but it goes to show that they don’t even know their fucking history, as they’re mostly high on their own fucking farts to give a shit!

Thankfully, this guy was in the crosshairs of many, as he was under public scrutiny. Many other YouTubers did response videos to this guy, ranging from a guy behind a camera just giving the middle finger to PS5MasterRace, to big YouTubers who get views in the triple “K” digits, one of them literally called, “Nintendo Fans Are Losing Their Minds Over A Troll Video”, and I remember watching his video, and I fucking agreed with all of his points whole-heartedly. Just like I said in the last paragraph, Nintendo saved the video game industry, and this was one of his points in the video. However, even though justice had been served and many people are calling this cunt out for what he did, the damage has already been done. The combined fact that people were bashing Richter mains and calling them faggots, the fucking graphical elitism in the community, and cunts like this who’s CELEBRATING someone’s fucking death, was and still is, absolutely fucking disgusting. It absolutely disgusts me that people would go on to do this, and I don’t know how many more console bashing it will take until blood will be shedded.

There should be a fucking word for this type of phenomena, I know it seems trivial, but if this is what the human race is capable of fucking doing then I’m going to say it right here; there needs to be a word. You know how there’s all these “ists” and “isms”, being thrown all about, just casually for no reason by these far-left lunatics? Well, there should be a new word to describe the same thing about consoles. Why don’t we just create the word “consolism”, because that’s basically what the fucking gaming community is, it’s a wild west hotspot full of biased, consolist, pricks!

Shortly after, I would began to officially hate video games. The fucking bias in the community, the fucking graphic whores, the fucking self-entitled pieces of shit who think their fucking consoles are better than others, and the fucking fact that my programming wasn’t going nowhere! I even read a fucking comment that said that Nintendo fans should’ve been the ones to die in the holocaust in WW2. I just couldn’t take it anymore, I’m fucking sick of the human race, and the internet goes the show that humans, even the most innocent ones by face value, can be the most loathesome, pieces of fucking scum, and I wish for humanity’s extinction because of it. Granted this isn’t the first time this would happen, as my gullible, bipolar-self would fall into the same trap later on, going back and forth, again, and again throughout the year of 2019.

During most of 2019, I would mostly stray away from video games, as I would get into movies mostly, and let me tell you, 2019 was a shitty fucking year for me in human fucking history. During this time, I had already started to grow my hatred for women, as I started to slowly fall back into the category of men’s rights territory, and I’ll explain why, later in another chapter, but for now, that’s not important. During the remainder of 2018 and the 2/3 of 2019, as I said, I would be more interested in movies, as I watched 300 for the first time and holy shit! That movie blew my balls off. The visuals were impressive and the action scenes were fucking breathtaking! This was enough to fuel my inspiration and I have finally decided to be a filmmaker.

Now, I’m not stranger to wanting to make films, as it was a thought I would have as in if I were in that position, I would make those films, but I didn’t take it seriously enough to pursue that career, as I was mostly focused on video games, like I said. During the summer of 2019, I would begin to write scripts for the movie that I’ve been planning on making since I was a young teenager, but decided to rewrite the script and build up upon what has already been written in my 13 year old head, and make it current to my mature self. Day, by day, I would spend months writing scripts and drawing concept art for what the characters would look like in the movie, granted I didn’t have any friends, as I’m a lonely piece of shit (if you can’t tell already), and no actors (because that costs money), this would just be something I would do on the side, as just like the games I wanted to make, this would just be an indie film.

It was the month of October and I was really bored one day, and then I just had a thought that I haven’t really thought of in a long time. Revisiting flash games. That’s right! I was sitting at my desk, remembering all the flash games that I used to play as a kid, and I would like to revisit them. I suddenly thought of a website at the time that I used to go on there all the time as a kid, and that site was called “AndKon”. This wasn’t the cliché Newgrounds, or MiniClip, or AddictingGames that many others have recollected in their lives, no, THIS, was my Newgrounds. I remember playing the games on there and sadly, the fact that Adobe Flash is going to end in December of 2020 (according to Google Chrome) is really, heartbreaking for me.

I would spend years searching for Flash Games I used to play as a kid, but sadly I forgotten it by now, which is really sad, because I want to go back and play those games again. I sadly just can’t remember the names. One game I’ve been trying to look for was a top down driving game where you play as a zookeeper who’s chasing after the zoo animals that escaped via some kind of vehicle, and your goal is to get weapons from things like pistols, to a fucking gatling gun, and shooting ahead of your vehicle at the other vehicle ahead of you, holding the animals in them. I remember seeing what the game looked like. You were in like this Orange-ish/Yellow van, all the while being in top down view, and you just collect ammo for your gun and then use it on the escaped animals in the van, causing it to, I believe, explode and you get the animals back to safety. The game would go on to have different levels of the same formula, but with better weapons and harder to dodge obstacles.

Another game that I was playing was this 3D, low-poly, monochrome game, like everything was in black and white. I dare say, it looked like vector lines that you see in those old arcade cabinets. It was a game I played when I was five years old, and from what I can remember, the game ran on Java and it was on some random HTML site. The title screen had an angry, smiling face, as if it were, I think either yellow, or gray. This is to closest thing I can find to describe what I saw when I was young, it looked something like this:

There, it had a start button I believe just like all other flash games, and you select your car, I think some of them in the car selection screen, being locked, and you start the race. The game then presents you into this like Rainbow Road like track where I believe you can’t fall off the edges, or you’re fall into the void of low-poly, gray sea of nothingness. Either that, or an open track arena, where it was like a PVP type area and you ram against other CPU’s. The one feature that I remember the most about this flash game was the fact that when you run into other cars, the car would get dented, granted in a low-poly fashion, but seeing this for the first time was the most awesome thing to my 5 year old self at the time, and I wanted to keep playing! The game also had physics as well, where if you get hit by other cars, you fly across the map, and you just keep driving until you hit other cars, doing the same thing as well. I remember the car I was driving was black in color while all the other cars were blue or gray, some of them having flame designs on them. Sadly, my parents restricted me from playing that game as a kid, as they thought it was too violent (I’m guessing it reminded them of Grand Theft Auto or something), so it was off limits for me. Sadly, because of that, I never knew the name of the gameas it was just a random game that I found pop up in the search results, and that game has been lost in the sea of other flash games, sadly never to be found again.

Well anyways, after that rambling, the first game I decided to play on AndKon was the Thing Thing games. Yeah, you remember Thing Thing, right? Those disjointed, walking heads with balls for hands and feet, where you run around, shooting the fuck out of random people with machine guns, or shotguns, or whatever weapon you can use, and just annihilate the fuck out of them. It’s a point and click side-scrolling, shooter, and looking back on it, as someone who never paid attention to the story back then, looking back at it now, this has to be one of the best stories for a flash game that I’ve ever heard. The story is basically simple. You are a killer who has been caught by the government, and has been experimented on by scientists in a lab. The game implies that you have to kill your way out of the facility, only for you to get recaptured by these Bionicle looking dudes, one of them named Zeus, and others like Poseidon, etc. My knowledge of this plot goes as far as Thing Thing 3, as I never beat Thing Thing 4, because the game is so fucking hard. I’m not kidding, even on the easiest setting, I’m still getting my ass kicked, I can’t even get to the final stage without it glitching as well. Literally, I would duck in the game as I shoot, as thankfully the AI is so stupid to aim below themselves, and doing so after a short period of time, I would literally clip through the floor and fall to my death! So, I don’t know how the story ends for our victim, here.

The Thing Thing Arena games were another fun set of games to play around in, particularly Thing Thing Arena 3, which is the best one. Basically, it’s a spin off, of the Thing Thing series, where you walk around in a boxed in room, shooting people in an unlimited standoff, seeing who can last the longest without dying. You use whatever you can, from pipes, to pistols, to machine guns, to shotguns, to even fucking laser guns that can fucking make brains explode. Granted, the highest I was ever able to make was around 200 kills, as after that, then you begin to have armored NPC’s spawn in, taking more blows than usual. It’s sad to see Diseased Productions go away, as I haven’t heard from them in, I think six years. I looked on either their Facebook or Twitter page of them saying that they’re working on an indie game back in 2014, but I haven’t heard from them since. It’s a shame, because for a flash game, goddamn, these developers put the time and effort into making the game look so good and presentable! Like, it’s almost like it’s more of an indie game than a flash game, as the later games that would come out, especially Thing Thing 4 and Thing Thing Arena 3, the visuals would improve tremendously.

Playing these games again gave me an idea that I haven’t threaded on in a long time, and I know what you might be thinking, how could these set of flash games, possibly be enough to convince me to start developing games again? Well, the answer is nostalgia! And the fact that I grew up with Game Maker, I decided to give GMS2 another shot again, and make my dream game as usual, Insect Mashers! As I was in college at the time, I was being pressured by my parents, asking me what career I wanted to take, and I was really stupid at the time for saying this, as I didn’t think about the future and plan ahead, so I just instantly told them that I wanted to take a career in programming. They literally asked me if I’m sure and I said yes, being oblivious to the upcoming cancer that’s about to come. I don’t know why I just vaguely decided to go along with this option as programming can be hard, and can take years of work to get all the kinks out.

So, after I decided to finally follow my future career, I began to start development for the game for the umpteenth time; for Insect Mashers, creating the umpteenth prototype that is surely destined NOT to fail. I began to relearn everything that I learned that previous year, reapplying my knowledge, and granted, I still didn’t know what the fuck a variable was, I didn’t give a shit, I just decided to see if Game Maker would be nice to me this time rather than before. Sadly, it was the latter, once again… I was at my computer, typing the collision code for the player for the millionth time into the game and then? The player fell through the block. Like I said, starting out and seeing this happen for the first time, I began to start playing a guessing game, rearranging the code, typing more “IF” statements, hoping that something will stick, and still, as usual, it fell through the block. I even went online, and read on forums, and they said to check the collision mask, but still, no luck.

Of course, as usual, I got frustrated, so I basically stopped for that day, and just went back to whatever things I was doing leisurely at the time. College was right around the corner, and being excited for my first programming class, I began to prepare for what was about to come. I was crunching really hard for the upcoming days, and I was so excited to go to class because, at least I get to have a live teacher that would help me with my struggles in programming and what I should do to get better. I started reading all the Game Maker books that I have in my possession and I decided to do a crash course study on it, in preparation for the class. Then the day, finally came… The first day of class.

I remember, walking anxiously to the classroom, looking at my room number, wondering where I should go and what room I should be in. Finally, I approached a hallway full of nerdy looking guys leaning as they were talking about their favorite video games, what hardware they have and everything. I knew I was at the right place, because there were other people who were just as interested as I was, most of them talking about what video game they wanted to make, one of them even holding what I believe to be a PSP or a Nintendo 3DS in his hand. I was sitting in the hallway, excited, waiting for the moment that class is finally going to start. Everything was fine, I had prepped the day before this moment, book in hand, anticipating what my teacher was going to be, and then it hit me… My worst fears began to eat at me from the inside as I began to wonder the worst case scenario... “Is my teacher going to be another female?”,I wondered, anxiously...

You, see, if you didn’t know, I have had bad experiences with female teachers. All of the teachers that I was under who were female always treated me like shit, but yet they fucking treat their kind better than me, because apparently I’m not a “wamen”. One female teacher in the past that I had, scolded me and insulted my intelligence by asking what level of education I was, ALL BECAUSE I ASKED HER TO REPEAT A FUCKING STEP FOR A PRACTICE EXERCISE, SHE WANTED US TO FUCKING DO! Another female teacher that I had treated all the other female students (because I was the only male in that class) respectfully while with me, she gave me a shitty attitude.

I was clenching my books, thinking in the back of my mind that I didn’t want to go through this, and I was fucking crossing my fingers so fucking hard at that moment. My heart began to race, I felt like an invisible force was holding a gun to my head, and as time moved on, it moved slowly too, the world began to slow down, thinking about the worst case scenario. After the 50th plea to God and Heaven above, in walked a teacher with the biggest fucking titties I’ve ever seen, I’m not kidding, she literally looked like Shmi Skywalker from Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace, but with big tits. As she walked through the corridor, greeting everyone to the side of her, she approached the door where I was standing, as she unlocked the door and walked away. I breathed a sigh of relief, realizing that it was just a worker at the college, and this normally happens, where people can go inside the classroom early as we wait for the real teacher to come in.

I chose the usual, the backseat of the entire classroom (hey, it’s privacy you know) as I began to pull up the usual Google Chrome and go in Incognito Mode to kill whatever time that’s left before class starts. As I was sitting in the backseat, in came the same teacher again, fully announcing herself to the class that she’ll be our teacher throughout the semester. I nearly spat out my drink mentally, as I can’t believe what I’m fucking hearing. The one time I didn’t want it to be true, there it was, in front of my eyes, a fucking cow with a cunt between our legs teaching the fucking classroom. I was in disbelief. I’m serious, I was sitting in the back of the classroom, dumbfounded by what I just heard! You know how in the cartoon, where the character would turn white, purely shaking in pure dumbfoundedness over what they just heard, what stupidity that they have just witnessed? That was fucking me. I felt like all the color had been drained from head to toe, as I sat in that very chair, in that very room.

I first thought to myself that I must’ve misheard, surely she must’ve meant to say “substitute” teacher! There is no way, I’m being a victim to another cunt in the fucking classroom. Overtime, I began to have racing thoughts, degrees varying from shock and confusion, to straight up fucking suicide. Of course, I began to rule that out, stating in the back of my head, “Surely, this teacher is not as bad as the other ones, right?”. As time will tell, I was sitting in my chair, in pure fucking disgust.

She was everything I thought every other wamen teacher would be… She was bossy, whiny, manipulative and longwinded, and when I say longwinded, I MEAN LONG FUCKING WINDED! And you may ask,

“Well, you should’ve known it was a female, because it’s right there in the information paper for the upcoming class, where it lists the teacher’s name.”

Well, I checked the paper beforehand, thinking that it was a male teacher, because she had the most outlandish fucking name that I’ve never heard of in my entire life. Like literally, I began to think at first that he’s just a foreigner teaching our class, which I don’t mind, because I was fucking desperate, I literally would rather have anyone to teach this class than a fucking woman. I never thought that such an outlandish name would result in a fucking big titted whore AND she’s white on top of that! You would think any other female would have Mary or Bethany as her name, but her name was so outlandish, I didn’t even know if she was a female or not. And if there’s any woman I hate more than any other woman in the fucking world, it’s white women, especially the fucking American white women! They are the most selfish, self-centered, narcissistic, rebellious, and self-entitled people that I’ve ever met in my fucking life, trust me, most of the people who mistreated me happen to line up with those categories. The one group of women that I actually respect is Asian women, because at least they are very respectable and kind, and they’re not fucking manipulative like fucking American women are.

Literally, the first TWO HOURS! TWO FUCKING HOURS of the fucking class is just her fucking rambling on about her personal life. You know that scene in Pulp Fiction where Marcellus Wallace was talking with Butch at this bar. You know that scene where right after, Vincent’s character walks in and starts talking with butch, saying something about, "I ain't your friend palooka", and butch has this dumbfounded look on his face, just giving that, “what the fuck did you just say to me”, type face; well that was me, and it wasn’t her boobs, but morely my growing hatred and anger for what had just unfolded before me. I never thought that a woman would be smart enough to teach a fucking class full of people who aspire to become great programmers, a field that’s mostly dominated by men, and a woman is teaching the fucking class this time. It had been official in my head, that woman are ruining the industry, they are taking over every fucking industry that was once dominated by men, and it had been tarnished, and crucified by these group of people.

So, I began to give her a chance, but every minute passed by, I wanted to fucking die. Literally, in my head, I never wanted to kill myself so much, to the point where I’d began to glance at the next class over (the walls were transparent for some reason) and wish I was in that fucking class instead of this one! She literally started rambling on, I’M NOT KIDDING! Fucking class started at six in the fucking evening, and she began to ramble for fucking two hours! TWO FUCKING HOURS! She mostly fucking ranted about how students began to not pay attention or they wouldn’t show up to class because they’re just there for no reason, and also she began to criticize how they would not bring notebooks in and she would literally just feel pity for them, and here I’m thinking that maybe the reason why they don’t show up at your class or not pay attention IS BECAUSE YOU’RE FUCKING RAMBLING AND RANTING FOR TWO FUCKING HOURS ABOUT SHIT THAT NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT! MAYBE THAT’S WHY! BECAUSE YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT FUCKING LIFE STORIES THAT NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT! She didn’t even go over the book or start up fucking PowerPoint, just her fucking rambling for two hours about how she love programming, how she loves her dog and how she hate the students who’re ignoring her, (which is ironic because you criticize those that didn’t bring any notebooks, there’s no fucking notes to be taken here!) instead of covering the contents of the fucking course!

So, as said before, I still tried to give her a chance. At first, I began to think that maybe she’s a nice, sweet person, and she’s not a fucking asshole like any other teacher that I’ve had previously before. So, finally, if you didn’t excuse yourself from the classroom and hang yourself in the bathroom by then, the fucking exercise for the course finally starts and oh my fucking God, this was one of the fucking worst experiences that I’ve ever had with a fucking teacher, PERIOD! I’ve had shitty teachers in the past, sure whatever, THIS FUCKING INCIDENT RIGHT HERE was fucking pure anal-fucking hell! Like I thought suicide was an option at that point, but no, I began to think about better fucking options. Maybe overdosing would be a better one instead of listening to this bitch.

The exercise was simple. She just wanted us to open the program, mind you, this was 8 PM, when this all started, FUCKING 8 PM! You know, those two hours that you’ve put into ranting, COULD’VE GONE INTO THE FUCKING EXERCISES THEMSELVES YOU DUMBFUCKING BITCH! So, whatever. She told us to start the program and she wanted us to type some code straight out the fucking book. No like, explanation, just write what’s in the book. Okay, sure, as if this teacher wasn’t incompetent enough… So, she told us to do that and then she said if we had any, “questions”, ask her and she’ll help us out. Shortly after saying that, she began to walk towards the back of the room. You know where I’m sitting, because of course, that had to happen right? And this is where things begin to turn sour.

She began to ask all of us who were sitting in the back how things going so far, and then my perception of her began to change a little, maybe she wasn’t that bad as I thought she was… Maybe I can put my differences aside for once. Of course, I was the first one, sitting at the end of the desk, where the middle of the classroom is; parallel to the other side of the classroom. I began to ask her a simple question. Remember, she told us to ask, “questions”, remember? I asked her this question,

“Is learning Java easy if you’ve already learned other programming languages?”

She literally answered with the most unhelpful, short, uninformative, unenergetic, and unenthusiastic response that I’ve ever heard in my entire life…

“If you learned those other languages, then you should have no problem learning this language…”

I began to (stupidly) explain that I use Game Maker Studio and I’m learning how to make games and I just thought that statements and conditions used in GML would be similar to the ones in Java, because I’ve heard stories of people saying that Java is a different breed/animal. She didn’t take my question seriously, of course, because I’m not a “wamen”, and because I’m Roger Hill, and apparently if Roger Hill opens his mouth, he’s the fucking Anti-Christ. Fucking Christ, I swear people hate me in this world… So she began to go to the student sitting next to me, a female, mind you and she asked a question NEARLY IDENTICAL to mine and she fucking started chatted with her, fucking laughing with her, just having a good fucking time, and here I am sitting up here, trying to ask her how to delete a fucking package in Java because the instructions told us to but didn't explain in detail about how to delete it, and she literally didn’t give a shit! She literally started talking to this fucking “wamen” for fucking minutes, 30 fucking minutes to be exact, and not a damn thing had been done! Besides, isn’t she supposed to go around the fucking classroom and check on all the other students? But no, fuck them right?

This went on for 30 fucking minutes and I wanted to believe that what she said wasn’t real. She did not just fucking cold shoulder me like that! And then reality sets in, just like all the other female teachers that I had in the past, this teacher had just been added to my collection of awful female teachers that I've encountered throughout my curriculum… I can’t believe I had to go through this, I couldn’t even stop her either, because you wanna know what’s really interesting? THEY STARTED TALKING ABOUT FUCKING SPORTS! I’M NOT FUCKING KIDDING, LIKE THEY STARTED TALKING ABOUT THE FUCKING ARIZONA CARDINALS AND THE FUCKING SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!??? IT GOT TO THE FUCKING POINT WHERE THEY STOPPED TALKING ABOUT FUCKING PROGRAMMING!!! FOR 10 FUCKING MINUTES! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? IS THIS A DREAM! AM I IN A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!? When they started talking about that, realizing that they’re not giving a shit about the stake at hand, I began to fucking lose respect for her instantly. I got up out of my chair, and I wanted to say, fuck this class, but I’ll get in trouble for that sadly, and I stormed out the fucking classroom. If she doesn’t give a shit about me, then why should I give a shit about this fucking subject altogether.

It was around 8:35 PM, I was sitting in the lounge room, waiting for my dad to come pick me up, and I remember just feeling hopeless. I already had a shitty fucking year as it is, and I just can’t take it anymore… I’m dead fucking serious, I wanted to commit suicide. Not only had my dream of becoming a game programmer have been crushed, but women had officially ruined not only programming, but the gaming industry as a whole. What was once a BEAUTIFUL medium full of wonderful ideas, dominated by men and greatly contributed to it, has been horribly deflowered. Those fucking feminine hands touched that medium and molested it, raped it, and killed it. It’s fucking dead. Programming to me was fucking dead…

When I got home, I told the story, and of course my parents didn’t believe me, they just think I’m imagining things, because of course, it’s always the parents that think imagination is the thing to believe in… Eventually, I would convince my parents to drop the course for me and they did. I was no longer enrolled in the class under that teacher, and good fucking riddance… Even though it was a lose-lose situation, it was bittersweet one at that… I’ll never forget what just happened to me in that fucking classroom… However, hope is not over yet, as my bipolar mind would began to swing back and forth like a pendulum, once again, further giving the video game community a chance only to have a shitstorm to come upon that…

It’s now 2020, a new decade had just arrived. A decade which I hope would be a revolutionary one. I began to reflect back on all the things, which I stand for and all my inspirations that followed. I have built up a phantom legacy for myself, further thanking Nintendo for inspiring me to become a game developer. I began to reflect back on how their games inspired everything that I’ve done in my life. The creation of my forum, the very first game that I made Skulls and Bones, and then finally, my then mascots that would’ve yet to become a reality… While I still didn’t have any interest in video games at the time, like I said, I’ve focused more towards indie films, I still had to retake the class that I had dropped as I was enrolled in some sort of certification.

It was January 24th, the day that my class would finally start… My new programming teacher would finally arrive. Is this the class that would redeem itself? Is this the class that will win back my respect? Well first of all, for once the teacher wasn’t a female this time, and is actually male! I for one was happy, because usually I’ve had the best experiences with male teachers as they were very kind and very helpful! Hell, one of my male teachers were so nice, he even offered to help me on one of my homeworks! So, thinking the same, I began to invest faith into the class once again, hoping that it would make up for all the fuckups that I’ve had to put up with in the previous class.

Well, before I give this guy a nice roasting, let me start out and say that this guy literally looked like a Mexican version of J.J. Abrams, and had the voice of fucking Ray Liotta. At times he even sounded like a fucking asshole, and I thought to myself, “Oh, he’s gonna be one of those teachers, isn’t he…”. I couldn’t complain though, because I did say that I’m at least happy that the teacher was male, and that this class was smooth sailing, and there was not a single problem at all…

So, first of all, let me get the elephant in the room out the way. I arrived 20 minutes before my supposed class was to start and I walked in to make sure that it was the correct room that I’m supposed to be stationed in. I ask the teacher kindly and of course, it’s another fucking female as usual, it’s not like I’ve seen those fucking maggots roaming around God’s green Earth as it is. I politely asked her if this is the class before my programming class, as I wanted to make sure I was at the right place, as it’s understandable, you don’t want to be late because of penalties and things like that. She literally replied and said, yes, and then told me to “get out of her classroom”. First of all, I wouldn’t have mind that answer, however, when she told me to, fucking get out of her classroom, I was on fucking edge. Like, I wanted to punch this bitch in the fucking face! At this point my blood was boiling, and it was the angriest I’ve ever fucking been, I wanted to fucking waste everyone at the fucking school, no fucking lie, I literally felt like wasting everyone there at that moment.

Again, at the moment, I was a fucking pushover cuck once again, just not saying anything, standing in the hallway, feeling like an idiot. It’s like my anxiety holds a gun to my head, not wanting to say anything, my face being frozen in an emotionless void, but the inside of me wants to just fucking lash out at this fucking bitch, literally, that incident alone pissed me off the entire day. It goes to show, that every time I’m nice to someone, in return I get treated like fucking shit, it’s fucking bullshit. As every minute that passed, leading up to the promised schedule for the classroom, I was a frozen pole, standing in silence, as the wind from passers, by; brushed against my clothes. The pure emotion of rage contrasted with the laughter and joy of people around me. My raged filled blood began to slowly elevate, every sound that was made, every step that walked past me, it was all unaffecting, as I stood out like a pale white owl, against the flock of black crows, the passing of every second, every minute; challenging me. At any moment, I could just fucking explode.

And then I’d come back to my senses, class had finally started. As I walked into the classroom, there he was, my teacher. I remember at least breathing a sense of fresh air, since it was way better than that fucking whiny bitch of a teacher that I had before. I sat at the back of the classroom as usual, and granted the fact that my teacher was male; was a huge sigh of relief for me, I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I had just been told off by a teacher. I felt angry and violated; my teacher began to introduce himself, and for the sake of anonymity, I’ll just call him “P”. So, P wanted us to have the book for the course by next class as this was an introductory class. The book was available in either print or digital, I obviously chose digital since, well, why the fuck would you want to read the entire physical book just to find a word you’re looking for, where instead you can just search it up or CTRL + F it to find what you’re looking for.

Okay, so where do I even begin with this guy? Well, first of all, this guy is the fucking most picky, most pristine, most orderly person that I’ve ever had as a fucking teacher in my life. Now, while I understand that strict teachers are there to keep the class in order, and that’s fine and all, but this guy had to be the most fucking penalize happy person in existence! Literally, every single mistake that you make, even if it’s fucking minor will get you penalized in a heartbeat. I felt like I was in a fascist classroom where if you get out of line, they take you out back and execute you, that’s how fucking strict this guy was and he would have a gun to everyone’s fucking heads to make sure everything had to be PIXEL perfect!

Another thing about this teacher is that this guy is a fucking idiot, and can be very demanding! Seriously! I remember him saying one day that he had homework for us to do, okay, that’s expected, but in return, he wanted us to read every fucking fine print that was on our canvas. I’m not fucking kidding, like literally, there were fucking PDF’s up the fucking ass, and he wanted us to read every single one of them. He was so fucking demanding to the point where it felt like he was playing a fucking game with us! Like for example, he asked us to read like literally 12 fucking PDF files and all of them are just useless fucking shit! Half of them are links to fucking YouTube tutorials and I’m like, why the fuck do you need to send us links to tutorials when we can already do it ourselves? Does he think we’re fucking retarded or something?!

Like I said before, this guy is very fucking demanding! Is this a fucking homework assignment or a fucking EULA (End User License Agreement)? Literally, he asked us to read a fucking five page document, some of them stating the obvious about breaking the rules and what the consequences would be, and others were just flat out ridiculous! Like if you miss class, even if it’s at a fucking family funeral, you get fucking 50 points off, how fucking fair is that for you to fucking take points off of someone just because they couldn’t show up at class for a funeral? It’s like I’m reading a fucking FBI document or something, it’s fucking absurd.

Oh, but you thought that was bad, okay. So, the homework for these classes are simple, and the best part? The deadlines are around 2-3 weeks apart, so that’s good because it gives you enough time to relax and enjoy yourself? Right? However, this fucking guy is so retarded, that he thinks that you have to be fucking pin-point precise with every answer to every question and he constantly reminded us to just do what the book says? Like why does it fucking matter? All other classes, the teachers are usually lenient with this and lets you express your creativity, why do you have to implement these fucking draconian, fascist laws in place over a fucking PROGRAMMING EXERCISE!? And like I said, this guy was fucking penalize happy. He said the usual that he liked taking 50 points off assignments because their fucking dick measurement was FUCKING 1 CENTIMETER OFF, THAT’S HOW FUCKING PRISTINE THIS FUCKING GUY IS!

Also, another thing that this guy would do is that he would fucking add extra unnecessary assignments to the questions in the book, just for the fucking sake of adding them. For example, like there would be an exercise problem in the book and for no fucking reason the teacher would say something like ignore steps 5 and 6, and do three fucking cartwheels around the room and jump on the table and say three hail Mary’s, and if you don’t do it, you get fucking penalized, EVEN IF YOU FOLLOWED THE STEPS IN THE BOOK, TECHNICALLY YOU WOULD THINK YOU DID IT RIGHT, BECAUSE IRONICALLY HE SAID, “JUST DO AS THE BOOK SAYS”, BUT NO, HE WOULD STILL TAKE FUCKING POINTS OFF BECAUSE OF THAT!? WHAT KIND OF BACKWARDS ASS BULLSHIT KIND OF FUCKING RULE IS THAT? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO FUCKING DO THAT? IS THIS A FUCKING GAME?

This fucking homework system that this guy had set up was so complicated that he had to FUCKING MAKE A FUCKING VIDEO ON HOW TO SUBMIT A HOMEWORK, A FUCKING VIDEO! Why? Because he claimed that the students didn’t understand how to submit their homeworks to the teacher. Gee, I fucking wonder why? Maybe if you didn’t write a fucking EULA long syllabus, with fucking FBI level warnings of penalties, and just made it fucking simple by just uploading the fucking file, then go along with your fucking day, jack off your dick, eat nachos, do whatever, and we’re cool! Right? But no, instead it has to be this fucking convoluted fucking mess! And he fucking forces you to fucking do everything in the fucking canvas, holding a fucking gun to your head, all the while doing so! Unlike other teachers that are very lenient, saying, to just do what you can and just submit the homework, that’s all it matters, no, fuck all that, this fucking teacher decides to fucking go Hitler on your ass, if you miss FUCKING ONE! ONE FUCKING CANVAS ASSIGNMENT, and it’s as trivial as watching a fucking YouTube tutorial or looking up a fucking Wikipedia page, then fuck you, you get 50 points taken off your grade...

As you can tell, I’m really pissed off as I’m typing this, and you might be thinking, damn, what did this guy do to you? Well, this is just the fucking beginning, this fucking embarrassment of a fucking human being, this fucking deflated bag of flesh, J.J. Abrams look alike, is the most unfair, biased person that I’ve ever met in my entire fucking life. So, let’s just get right into it. So, our homework was very simple, but here’s the catch. Just like I mentioned earlier, this guy is a very fucking picky cunt, he’ll find every single fucking thing that’s wrong with your project, the most minor thing he can find, and still take points off of every project that you submit, and I’ll get right to that in just a minute, but for now I’m just warming up.

Our homework was simple. Write a program in Java that prints the syntax, “Hello World”. Simple enough right? Fucking wrong! This fucking guy is so picky and I haven’t used Java in a longtime, so I don’t have a clue as to how the interface works, but this guy had a fucking prejudice towards certain file formats, and for some reason that fucking sets him off, like he literally goes REEEEEEE if you send him a certain format, like as if that fucking format killed his family or something, that’s how fucking up the wall it can be, and you want to fucking know how unforgiving this fucking cunt is? He would literally say that if you send the wrong file, EVEN BY ACCIDENT, you get fucking 50 POINTS! 50 FUCKING POINTS TAKEN OFF FOR A FUCKING MISTAKE! And he even said that the file names are the same as the other file that you have just saved, except they have different formats. So, if that’s the fucking case, why fucking take points off for sending the fucking wrong file by accident? What kind of cruel person would fucking do that, why would you fucking do that? It’s a fucking mistake! Even if you took your fucking time, as if he hasn’t dehumanized the students enough, to do everything fucking right, dot your I’s and cross your T’s, he’ll still take 50 points off, all because you didn’t submit the right fucking file, THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!

Now granted, I’m not saying I was a victim to this, in fact my first assignment went over just fine, but can you imagine if somebody else made a fucking minor mistake like that? 50 POINTS! WHY FUCKING 50? WHY NOT LIKE ATLEAST 10 POINTS? OR 5 POINTS OFF? Why not be understanding and just say, "Oh you submitted the wrong file there, can you resubmit it", and just leave it at that? Also, another thing about his incompetency is the fact that he asked us to install a certain version of Java. That’s fucking correct. I know the book used a certain version of Java, but it should still be up to date with current versions of that language. He fucking asked us to install a certain fucking version of Java, an outdated one on top of that, via a fucking fishy link which led us to a fucking shitty looking HTML page with a mirror link to download the fucking version. He said that any other fucking version will make you lose points as well. I notice a fucking pattern here, this fucking guy just seems to be fucking obsessed with fucking deducting fucking points off of people’s fucking work over fucking trivial shit! Literally, half of these fucking reasons to deduct points off are fucking invalid! Like, it’s so fucking minor, why do you fucking care?

So okay, fine, I submitted the fucking homework to Mexican Hitler over here and he was fucking happy because the fucking penis was the same length that he wanted it to be. Homework 2 however is when this guy decides to go full on out fucking Caligula on our asses, and there’s no fucking around, this is when fucking shit hit the fan, this is the pure fucking meat of the entire story. So, second homework is here, and he wanted us to jump right into programming a calculator that would calculate the total money via syntax return, that have been received at a brick and mortar store. He said in the instructions as always, to follow the book and then this is when he started adding his own fucking rules to the equation. First of all, if you’re the teacher, and you’re teaching a class and you want your student to do the exercises, wouldn’t you want your students to do what the book intended for you to do it in, not fucking put your own fucking twist on it and making the students jump through fucking hoops? Also, if that’s the case, wouldn’t that also be an insult to the Author that wrote the book, because what you’re doing is fucking taking that book, and just pissing on it. Now mind you, he didn’t write this book, the person who wrote this book is, of course, that fucking bitch that taught last semester, but still, even if you were to do that, isn’t that an insult?

So anyways, he asked us to do it just exactly like what is shown in the book, and then he asked us to type in a custom comment at the top of the script (this is so fucking stupid) in a certain way, and put your name, the date, the fucking day is was written in, and the fucking time, the fucking second, and the fucking millisecond, and the fucking nanosecond. And then he asked us, after writing the calculator program, to put a break (n/), and add some extra unnecessary sentences about “I love cheese”, or whatever the fuck it was, making the fucking process even more fucking confusing.

Okay, so alright, now into the meat. So, I did the homework like he said, and I literally, fucking did what he told me to do. He said follow the book, then follow the modified instructions that he pointlessly implemented in the assignment as well. I did just that, I read the instructions, and step by step, word for fucking word, I typed down the code in a specific order, just like the book had instructed me to, I typed down the string for the syntax to be displayed at the bottom, and I typed in the fucking break (n/) and add in the fucking sentence, I don’t fucking remember what it was, I like eating burritos? Who knows?

So, after doing all of that, everything calculated correctly, exactly like the fucking book, and then the additional instructions that the instructor had put in as well, everything was exactly like the fucking book. I double checked my work for 45 fucking minutes, literally, step by step, testing to see if the code would work, and I finally submitted the fucking assignment to the canvas, waiting for it to finally be reviewed by the teacher at last. Fingers crossed, I remember fucking sweating after that incident as if I just poked the hornet’s nest. I even went back to the program shortly after and tested everything out, just to see if it’s still working, and of course, I compared my work to the instructions and the answers line up, the end, right?

Well, it was finally deadline day, and assumingly the teacher must’ve graded my work by now. I remember my heart racing, wondering what my grade was going to be, after all, I put all my hard work and effort into studying and making sure everything is working correctly, I double checked my work profusely to make sure if there weren’t any errors or mistakes that I have just made. I logged onto my college account and went to my canvas, and then clicked on the course I was currently taking and then under the grades section, I looked over to the grade for my submission, and my jaw dropped to the fucking floor after seeing it… I can’t believe it. I can’t believe this is what we’ve come to as human beings…

I got a score of 65 out of 100, realizing that he took 35 points off my homework, all because I didn’t use the correct format… ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKING KIDDING ME! THIS FUCKING BURRITO EATING FUCKING WETBACK, FUCKING BEANER, FUCKING SPIC IS FUCKING UPSET OVER A FUCKING FORMAT! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO WRONG!? I was fucking thinking to myself, “No, this can’t be! It can’t be!? Surely, I must’ve done something right?”, panicking, I opened up the fucking file that I had just submitted it to, I compared it to the instructions, and everything checks out! Literally, there was nothing wrong! I looked high and low, and noticed that all the numbers matched, the strings are the exact same as what the teacher wanted me to type it out to, and I added the break. Then I noticed something… Are you fucking telling me that I got 35 FUCKING POINTS OFF, BECAUSE I FORGOT TO ADD ANOTHER BREAK TO SPACE IT JUST LIKE THE FUCKING PICTURE? WHAT, SO NOW YOU’RE TAKING FUCKING POINTS OFF FOR MISSING A FUCKING SPACE! IT’S A FUCKING SPACE, LITERALLY ANOTHER FUCKING LINE, YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT I GOT 35 FUCKING POINTS TAKEN OFF BECAUSE I DIDN’T CREATE A NEW LINE? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKER!

I remember being so fucking pissed, I wanted to fucking scream! Like literally, I was in my room and seeing my grade on my computer screen, I wanted to jump through the computer screen and beat this fucking spic up, just punch this fucking burrito eating fucking wetback to oblivion. I can’t believe, I got 35 fucking points taken off my fucking assignment over the fact that I didn’t create a new line for a string via the break! It’s a fucking line! Do you think anybody gives a fuck!? If the fucking numbers match and the syntax is correct, that’s all it fucking matters? All because this fucking spic wanted to play a fucking game with us, just fucking jacking off in our fucking faces, while we work hard, trying aspire to be great people in the fucking future, only instead, to be fucking put down and be fucking humiliated! The fucking teacher was being a fucking DICK! I remember being so fucking pissed, I began to throw things around the fucking room, damn near smashing shit as I went along, as a couple of “FUCKS” were screamed in the process!

I remember sitting at my computer, about to start homework 3, and at that point, I was crying. I was literally fucking crying. Not like “crying”, crying, but I was really emotional at that moment, like tears were almost about to run down my face. If you don’t know, the college that I go to, if you fail a class twice, you can get expelled from the school. I’m not fucking kidding, you can get fucking expelled, and the fact that I was doing so good, getting straight A’s in my other classes, and I’m going to be expelled thanks to this draconian, fascist, spic, was a fucking no-no for me. I couldn’t take it anymore, as usual, I was doing homework 3, reading the chapters and everything and I began to question the outcome of this class entirely. I was afraid that I was going to fail the class, and I didn’t want to have to go through that… I went to my parents for advice, as I couldn’t take the pressure anymore. We had a very lengthy discussion about whether I should be a programmer or not, and after all the hard work that I’ve put into learning about making my game, the hard work I’ve put into these homework assignments, and the fact that the outcome for all of that was nothing but a depressing disappointment, I finally decided to make the move. I decided to drop-out of the enrollment package altogether and just find another career. I’m sorry it was too much for me. I just couldn’t take it anymore.

This teacher was a fucking arrogant cunt. I have never met a fucking teacher so fucking cruel, so fucking unforgiving! Like -35 points for a fucking line, regardless of the fact that the answers were fucking correct and I did it just like the book said, and I got 35 fucking points off because of that. Like seriously! 35 Points? 35 FUCKING POINTS? Like why? Like you’d got to do something really bad in order that get that low of a fucking grade! Like that’s the equivalent of getting 14 out of 40 questions wrong! Do you know how much students value that shit? Do you know how much we value our fucking grades in college? And for you to fucking waste that over something so fucking trivial is fucking insulting! Like you should get fucking sued for doing something this fucking stupid, this fucking asinine, this fucking inane! I’ve had teachers in the past, even my female teachers who were very rude to me, at least gave me a chance! I’ve made fucking big mistakes on my assignments in the past and at most, I’ve had only 10 to 15 points taken off my grade, still being left in the 80’s. Because, according to my school, anything under 60 points is failing, and the fact that my fucking grade was 65 out of 100, that was a fucking D-… Just remember that… I’ve gotten a D- because of a fucking space that I missed in the line of code. This fucking teacher is like North Korea, any fucking move that you make with this guy is like navigating a landmine, you don’t know what the fucking outcome is going to be!

You would think that after the fact that my previous experience with that female teacher was bad? But this is even fucking worse! I feel like a degraded human being from going through this fucking shit! I feel like a fucking subhuman after taking this fucking class! Going through this fucking experience has put a further nail in my coffin for video games and programming in general! As a kid, I used to look up to fucking video games, thinking how fucking awesome it would be to make one, it always sparked a sense of wonder and magic, and I always wanted to see my vision come to life, but after dealing with shitty teacher after shitty teacher, like this is the fucking off-brand version of fucking teachers right here; I have never seen so much incompetence in my fucking life! From a fucking slutty teacher with a fucking cowcunt between her fucking legs who won’t stop bitching about her fucking hair curling up at 3 in the fucking morning, to a fucking burrito eating spic who expects you to measure your dick a certain way, and paint it a certain fucking color, like blue, but no, it has to be a specific fucking blue, like a, greenish, teal blue, and then after you’re done, do fucking five cartwheels, ten jumping jacks, and recite the alphabet backwards from Z to A! This is fucking bullshit! Like why the fuck can’t it be that fucking simple, instead it has to be this fucking convoluted, backwards logic of fucking ass!

And the teacher have the fucking audacity to say that this course is supposed to be open arms to people who want to program but have no experience? What’s so fucking open arms about taking 35 points off, over A FUCKING NEW LINE BREAK FOR A STRING THAT I FORGOT TO PUT IN THE FUCKING CODE? Even without the teacher, if you were to read the book, it’s not that helpful in general, because it’s literally fucking kindergarten level practice exercises!

“Johnny had five apples, but he ate three, how many apples does he have left?”

Like how the fuck is that helpful!? I know it’s supposed to make it simple and this is a book for beginners, but this is seriously fucking kindergarten level shit right here! I feel like a fucking 1st grader, doing these fucking exercises! No professionalism whatsoever! It makes sense, coming from the fact that a “wamen” wrote this fucking book! How is it fucking helpful that you have a fucking practice exercise on writing a fucking mad lib based syntax where the book asks you to type your favorite celebrity and the date of the event to get a certain outcome? And this isn’t just one problem, there are dozens throughout the book, asking you to do pointless exercises that no one gives a shit about! And this teacher is going to say that this book is guarantee, going to help beginners get into programming? No, this is just a fucking perversion of that! This is just as much of a fucking perversion as using a fucking Lego instruction booklet as a source of study in an engineering class! Not helpful, not informative whatsoever, just a huge kiddie-level joke and a waste of my time.

I even went on his fucking about me page on canvas, just to see what fucking planet that this guy comes from and he doesn’t seem to have any fucking background. I fucking kid you not, literally in his fucking bio, it states that he likes partying and loves technology. WHAT KIND OF FUCKING BIOGRAPHY IS THAT? That’s the most fucking vague thing you can put in your fucking bio, wow, way to state the fucking obvious! That’s like viewing a doctor’s biography, and them saying that they love diagnosing people. No background whatsoever, no degree, nothing! Just a fucking fly by night teacher who decided to get all fucking cocky, change the fucking rules, and inject his own rules into fucking exercises, so he can give us a mindfuck and confuse us even more!

And its sad, because I’ve aspired to become a programmer, specifically because of video games. It’s a good field to get into and I’ve also heard, game development aside, you can make lots of money from it as well! Like programmers can get up to a 50k-70k a year salary, and I wanted to become a fucking programmer, because not only because of the money, but because it’s fun and I thought I could make a living off of it! Even with the failed experiences with Game Maker, I still had fun! But when you have fucking incompetent teachers like this fucking asshole right here, it ruins that experience for me, and it makes me not want to be a fucking programmer! To this day, as I’m typing this right now, I still hate programming and I don’t ever want to go through, what I went through with this fucking guy again, and I’m currently looking for another career, all thanks to this dream shattering asshole! Well you know what, fuck programming, fuck video games, and fuck that teacher! I’m fucking done!

There are times over the years, where currently, I would go back now and then to finish what I started, trying to ignore fucking criticism, trying to give them another chance, and maybe I was being biased. Maybe those bad teachers that I had were just a few bad apples that happened to spoil the bunch for me, and maybe I shouldn’t’ve let them do that for me. Then I began to realize that it’s not them that’s the problem, it’s the fucking programming community in fucking general! There were several occasions where I would simply look up questions for Game Maker, as I was trying to learn GML, and the community is full of just unhelpful, rude, impolite, and condescending pieces of fucking shits, that it makes my fucking blood boil. It’s fucking MAL (MyAnimeList) all over again, maybe that’s what I should start calling this phenomena from now on, it’s fucking MAL syndrome, because that’s what majority of the fucking forums that I go to, seem to suffer from. I mean it’s like it’s almost blasphemy now if you ask a question, you get bombarded with downvotes up the fucking ass!

Fucking reddit is the worst offender, and it’s full of nothing but unhelpful people as usual. It’s fucking formulaic and predictable at this fucking point. I clicked on a fucking reddit question in Google, and I got greeted by the fucking following! Zero fucking votes, implying that the fucking question is downvoted as usual, and unhelpful replies with the most vague, rude, and discouraging answers that I have ever seen in my life! Just earlier today, I tried to give Game Maker another chance. I was working on my side-scroller game, right? All I fucking did, was looked up, “How to add full motion video to Game Maker”, because I wanted my game to have fully animated cutscenes. Of course, that faggot site reddit popped up, so I said, “Hmm, I don’t see any other sites pertaining to the question that I have, so reddit seems to be the only one.” I clicked on the fucking search result, and in it, was the nicest fucking question that I can possibly imagine, like you can’t get any nicer than that, all he wanted a genuine answer. He claimed to be a teacher at a game development school, and he was teaching his students Game Maker, and all he asked was how to add full motion video. That’s it, he even ended his fucking question, with, “Thanks!”. After reading all of that, what was the first thing that I fucking see? Zero fucking votes, and two fucking unhelpful, careless, answers.

The first answer asked what the “asker”, was talking about, if he was referring to MP4, MOV, or Flash? You do fucking realize that it says it right there in the fucking title! “Full Motion Video”. Is this a fucking joke, were you fucking drunk when you made that fucking reply? Of course, full motion video would be fucking MP4, because MOV and Flash is uncompressed you stupid, dumb motherfucking cunt! Then he would go on to say, “You do know there are free third-party plugins that you can install, right?”. Well, goddamn, you didn’t have to fucking say it like that, why can’t you just answer the fucking question nicely, instead of giving an irritated, smart-ass reply? And then the second answer just vaguely said that GML doesn’t support full motion video. Wow, thank you very much, you stupid motherfucker. Thank you for the most, vague, most unhelpful, most poorly worded fucking reply ever made. No research put into it, no time into testing if it’s true or not, no proof whatsoever. Instead of saying it like, “I’m sorry, but Game Maker doesn’t support FMV, hopefully when another update rolls out, they’ll implement that feature into the software, I’m looking forward to it as well.”, at least something like that to keep the person company, but no, instead, they have to be a fucking dick about it so they can get their fucking karma points (like the fucking karma whore that they are), by living off of others, by putting people down, because they’re fucking cocksucking, motherfucking, ape-testicled, pieces of motherfucking shit! Fuck reddit!

Sometimes I wish I had the power to fucking snap my fingers, Thanos style, so I can just wipe out every fucking asshole that I’ve come across. I wish I could have the power to give anyone across the screen a fucking heart attack, I am so fucking fed up with fucking humanity! And it’s not just fucking reddit that’s the problem, it’s seems to be fucking programming in general! Like Stack Overflow, or more like Fag Overflow; they fucking downvote your questions to oblivion, because you didn’t ask the fucking right question that tingles their fucking penile senses, so they feel the fucking need to downvote your fucking question! It’s fucking bullshit, and on top of that, they have this fucking elitist mentality. Like what is it with fucking forums and fucking elitist mentality!? Do these fucking people ever look at themselves for one fucking minute and ask themselves whether the answer they’re going to send is going to be appropriate or not? No, instead they have to be a fucking dick about it, because that’s what they are, they’re fucking diarrhea, wet-fart, drooling assholes! Then what’s the point of asking a fucking question, IF YOU CAN’T GET ANY HELPFUL FUCKING ANSWERS, IT SEEMS LIKE THEY’RE JUST JACKING OFF IN YOUR FUCKING FACE! THEY MIGHT AS WELL TELL YOU TO GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!

Literally, Stack Overflow is like fucking North Korea, they have this fucking fascist vibe to them, and they determine how your question should look and if you don’t ask the right question, they fucking downvote your question over something so fucking trivial and simple! These are fucking grown adults mind you! Grown fucking adults! Like what’s fucking wrong with asking a question! What’s wrong with wanting to learn something new! Isn’t that intuitive? Isn’t that the fucking point is to ask questions is to get fucking answers, so you can learn something new? No, instead, they jack off their elitist fucking dick, cumming all over your fucking face, so they can make you their fucking bitch.

Even the fucking tutorials are not any better either! You would think that they would actually, give a shit and explain the best of their ability to fucking teach newcomers how to become a programmer, how to achieve their dream and make the game that they always wanted to make since childhood, but no, instead all the fucking tutorials that I’ve seen is full of people with bad fucking attitudes. Like literally, they have this negative sounding tone in their voices, as if they don’t want to be fucking bothered! Then if you hate your fucking life that much, why do you fucking bother making the tutorial then? Like there were some tutors on YouTube that have that, “Whatever…” or “I don’t care”, mentality to them, combined with the rude, harshness in their voices; and when I hear people word things like that, especially when I want to fucking learn, it turns me off. It fucking kills my fucking learning boner, because I always wanted to make a fucking game since I was 9 years old, because, I thought being a game developer was like magic, the very concept of making your own game in it of itself, felt like magic to me back then, and I wanted to make games myself too. I wanted to become a wizard myself!

It was like Harry Potter, you go to fucking Hogwarts at like 9, 10 years old, and you have a fucking dream. A dream to become the best wizard just like Dumbledore, and that’s the same thing with programming, my dream was to make fun games just like how Nintendo makes their games. I wanted to make gamers have fun and entertain them, innovate and come up with new ideas, just like what Nintendo does, but the more I go into the gaming community, the more I begin to fucking despise them, further, and fucking further! On several occasions, I have been let down, and discouraged by the community, and at one point, I even uninstalled Game Maker Studio 2 and just quit trying to learn how to program altogether, all because of this shit, and I’m like thinking to myself, if the community can’t be helpful and informative for fucking once in their fucking life, then why fucking bother at this point!

I had never been in such a fucking shitstained, semenworthy, cocksucking, analfucking medium in my fucking life, it’s fucking bullshit! From fucking assholes who fight with you because your fucking pixel count doesn’t match their fucking pixel count, like who the fuck cares? Are you God? Who are you to tell me how I should live my fucking life!? Then you have those elitists in the fucking Nintendo community, especially fucking Smash Bros., fighting over which fucking fighter is better, especially faggots who main Fox McCloud, like good for fucking you, I don’t care! Same thing with the Pokémon community, full of fucking self-indulged, self-centered, egotistical, genwunners and faggots who like to bash future generations of Pokémon, and think their's is better! Like, no one gives a fuck! I’m so fucking sick of people who have this fucking mentality where they think their fucking shit is better than your shit, it’s so fucking immature, and it’s a waste of fucking time.

You have bullshit double standards, where these fucking girl gamers, these fucking humanoid cows with clits between their legs on Twitch, get away with murder, because they’re a “wamen”, and that they can get away with it! Like this one cunt who fucking threw her fucking cat over her fucking shoulders, and feed it vodka, and she gets away with it scot-free, but then when fucking guys do it, they get fucking banned from the fucking platform, but of course, this is Twitch we're talking about, which is a fascist platform. Then you have the fucking programming community, especially communities like Game Maker, and Unreal Engine, where it’s full of fucking condescending assholes that criticize you for asking a fucking question! It’s a fucking question! WHAT IS THIS A FUCKING GAME THEN! LIKE ONE OF THOSE, “OH THIS QUESTION HAS BEEN ASKED BEFORE…”, FUCK OFF WITH THAT FUCKING SHIT, AND SUCK MY DICK, I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS FUCKING SHIT!

And it’s not just fucking Game Maker, it’s every other fucking gaming engine in general! I went to fucking Unity, it’s the same thing, I’ve went to fucking Godot, it’s the same fucking thing, same assholes, under a different subject matter. The same fucking negative tone to their fucking voice, and have this “whatever…” and “I don’t care”, personality to them, like they end their sentences on an angry, harsh, emphasized note, and I fucking hate that, I fucking hate it when fucking tutorials do that, it breaks the fucking emersion of what I’m trying to fucking learn and I can’t take it any fucking more. I remember watching a tutorial on Game Maker Studio, and it was done by a fucking 11-year old kid, yeah one of those fucking faggots, and I have never seen a fucking tutor sound so fucking angry in my fucking life. It was a tutorial on how to apply friction to the X value of the player; literally throughout the entire video, he had this fucking angry tone to him, like in his voice, he sounded like he wanted to fucking kill someone, and hearing that turned me off immensely, and then again, I wanted out. Fucking people like these are the reason why I fucking hate humanity, because they kill my mood, and my motivation to do things that I want to do in life, but instead, they have to be this fucking condescending dick, that it makes you want to not do whatever you wanted to do in life! And I’ve been doing this for 10 years, I’ve had many hobbies and interests destroyed because of fucking shit like this, and I can’t take this shit anymore! I’m so sick of this fucking shit!

And you know, it’s fucking sad, because for years, SMBX was one of the main reasons why I wanted to get into game development. Primarily Nintendo in general, but SMBX was a stepping stool for game development to me, and it was a fucking dream come true! I used it as a tool to make my own games, and eventually, over time, I would get so good at it, and you know, I wanted to actually apply that knowledge to making levels in my games, but because the community is full of fucking assholes, with a 10-foot erect, self-righteous wooden dildo shoved so far up their fucking ass, it’s like why fucking bother! Might as well just have them tell you to go suck a fucking dick!

Man, the video game community in general is just full of pieces of fucking shits! It’s bad enough that half of the code I fucking typed in the fucking program doesn’t work most of the fucking time, the fucking programming language is fucking glitchy, the fucking game is rigged with bugs, and when I do get my game to work, it feels mechanical and stiff, nothing feels natural to me. Like, I play Nintendo games, or any other AAA game and they have this professional quality to them, even their New Super Mario Bros. series, the controls feels smooth, it feels professionally made, but in Game Maker, it feel like it’s a cheap flash game or some kind of poorly made fan game. I’ve written code that I swear to God, makes fucking sense on paper, but when I go to run it, I get fucking errors, bugs, and glitches, or the code just doesn’t work over all! And it doesn’t help the fucking fact that if I go to the fucking forums to try to be nice and ask an innocent question, they fucking bash you because apparently, it’s been asked before, then what’s the fucking point of fucking trying then? Like what, is this a fucking game, yeah here’s a fucking game, juggle my fucking testicles, juggle my balls, and get my dick to cum on your fucking face, because fuck you! Man, fuck GML, and fuck Game Maker! Shaun Spalding can suck my dick, HeartBeast can suck my dick, and fucking Beyond Us Games can suck my dick as well, fuck programming, fuck YoYo games, and fuck the person who made this fucking backwards ass, program in the fucking first place, they can all go fuck themselves! Fuck video games, fuck the community, and fuck their industry!

Chapter 23: The “J” Chronicles Prologue

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It was late 2017, around December of that year, and if you remember way back in Chapter 21: The Let’s Play Channel, I mentioned that I had lost my save file for the Invasion 2. For those who forgot already, here’s a recap. It was around May of 2016, and I was doing a recording session for the Invasion 2, basically pre-recording all the episodes that would’ve been uploaded to YouTube. Well, as I said before, I was doing a let’s play of the Invasion 2, it was around the beach level, and there was a moment in the now lost recording where I died stupidly to one of those crab enemies, causing me to idiotically bang on my laptop, resulting in it shutting off, and corrupting my recording when I came back to boot it up.

I thought everything was fine, so I went to the folder where the output for the videos where saved on there. I clicked on the supposed recording for the episode and of course, it got corrupted, so I just sighed and had to redo the recording of that episode like I had done before. As I want to open up the file that I was doing my let’s play on, I began to increasingly notice the low framerate within the game, and it got worse when I went inside the star warp section of the game. I was getting low framerates up the ass, the game being around like 4-6 frames at a time, and the fact that putting it on “High Priority” in Task Manager didn’t work at all, I thought that the only option I had left was to restart the game. So I paused the game and exited out the game, and then when I reopened it, and went back to load the file for the Invasion 2, I got a runtime error 55, stating that the file was already opened.

At that point, I didn’t know what to do. I tried everything, even reinstalling SMBX altogether, not worrying about the fact that the save files for the other episodes that I’ve done had been wiped out, all that mattered was recovering my save file for the Invasion 2. I installed SMBX 1.3.0.1, which was the latest unofficial version of the game at the time put out by the SMBX forums, went through the usual installation process, and then finally, starting up the damn game. I opened up the game and went back to the Invasion 2 save file which I had took out before uninstalling the previous version and then plopping that onto the latest one, via the game’s files, and…? Nothing. I still got another runtime error 55, I was fucked, and I remember being so fucking pissed because I had worked so hard playing and completing all the fucking levels, so due to the absence of me uploading more parts for the series. So I thought it was pointless to start over the entire playthrough once again and I just looked back at my old videos at the time as a time capsule, hopelessly forever frozen behind a stupid corrupted file.

Skip forward to around December 10, 2017; I remember sitting in bed, browsing through my old videos that I had done for episodes that were uploaded to YouTube. I was watching them, just killing some time. Around this time, I had a cold, which was from November of that same year, meaning that I couldn’t enjoy fucking Thanksgiving dinner because of that. Well anyways, I had a lingering cough still in me from the cold, leftover, so as I was browsing videos, coughing like it was second nature at this point, I stumbled upon some old videos that I had recorded previously that never made it onto YouTube. I curiously wanted to see why I haven’t uploaded these videos to the site. Most of the videos that weren’t uploaded were usually videos of me doing playthroughs of my member’s levels, particularly, ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ’s levels, as his levels plagued the fucking forum. I’m not kidding, go on the levels section of that forum, you will see like dozens of topics by this guy, flooding the level section, it was insane! Well, anyways, they weren’t uploaded because one of the videos I decided to do a playthrough for the sake of it, I didn't read the description of the level that was uploading on the forum. For example, I did a playthrough of his level and throughout the video, I was saying that it reminded me of Fire Emblem, well because I didn’t read the description, I never knew it was actually a Fire Emblem themed level, so I felt like a fucking dumbass. Other levels were by other members too, but they weren’t uploaded because, even though the commentary was great in that video, the fucking lag killed it for me. Seriously, like all was going smooth throughout the video, and then I began to get fucking framerate hiccups around 2/3rds in! It was fucking bullshit!

Well anyways, I was just binge watching all the videos that didn’t make it to the channel, and then I stumbled upon the Invasion 2 again. I went through all of the videos, re-watching them, and realizing that this was probably the best I’ve ever did commentary on! Literally, none of the videos weren’t boring, they were entertaining to say the least, and my commentary was golden throughout the entire series. Seeing how sad the series had to end early like that made me began to feel sorry that I didn’t finish the let’s play like I should’ve. Knowing the fact that I did not want to go through completing all the secret exits again, I finally decided to make the move. I finally made a fucking decision to to finish the let’s play series once and for all!

I went all in this time. No recording or anything, I literally played through the entire game once again! This felt like a crucifixion for me, as I had to navigate and play through every level and constantly re-watch the un-uploaded videos as reference to see what levels I finished and what not. I kept playing through the entire game until I had it just exactly how I last left it before the file got corrupted, and around December 20th, I would finish where I last left off. All was going fine, the recording was going great and there were no framerate issues as usual, all was good during playthrough, and I was testing to see if my laptop won’t bullshit me like it did in the past. However, there was one problem… The fucking microphone! Yeah, for some fucking reason, the microphone was so quiet, that I could barely hear anything that’s being said in the game. The sound in the game was so loud for some reason, that it would literally drown out my voice. I did a couple double takes, to check if my laptop is just fucking with me, but no, apparently my microphone got fucked up. I even went to the fucking volume mixer for the game, and I kid you not, I had the fucking volume all the way down to “1”. FUCKING “1”! The lowest it can go, and then it was still fucking loud. For some reason the sound in the game was amplified, like literally, it was borderline ear rape at this point! So, to fix this problem, I did something so stupid… Something that I wish I had never done.

For those who don’t know, I had Sony Vegas back then, so I would edit my audio in the software if things sounded out of line. Well, most of these that I mentioned in the previous paragraph were test recordings. So, I was testing to see if the microphone was loud enough to be heard through rendering. Like I said, my voice was too quiet in the video and I don’t know what happened to my built in microphone. Either it was due to old age or after so many years of use and wear and tear. Either way the microphone just got corroded with age. So, I decided to go to my microphone settings and for some stupid reason, I amped the volume to around 1 decibel or higher. Thinking that this would make my microphone louder, I went back and decided to do a faux-continuation of the game from the last, cutoff part of the unfinished series, and just pretend as if it jumped cut back to the demonstration of using a Yoshi to eat Mouser with it. I continued playing as normal, throwing in some coughs here and there due to my sickness, and due to the quality change in microphone and my sickness, it was pretty obvious that this was recorded at a different time with a new save file in check.

I recorded the entire part of that playthrough, doing my commentary, while also coughing, and also, just a tip for let’s playing, if you’re going to do a let’s play of a game, never do it while you’re sick! Yes, it’s distracting, annoying, and unprofessional, don’t do what I did here. I reviewed the footage that I had just recorded and then, all of a sudden… My fucking microphone went way above the volume that I was expecting! I’m not fucking kidding! Not only that the game’s sound was borderline ear rape, but the microphone was literally, pure fucking ear rape! As I first started the video, my eardrums were assaulted with the, “GREETINGS FROM 𝕛𝕒𝕪𝟟𝟟𝟟𝟝𝟝, AND TODAY…!”, I nearly jumped out my fucking seat. I realized that I was fucked and I had no choice but to keep it in as an episode, further showing that karma continued to be a bitch to me. Like seriously, why can’t things just go fine for once in my life, literally, there’s not a single thing that fucking goes my way for once, it’s fucking bullshit!

So, after that surprise terroristic attack on my ears in audio form, I decided to just continue doing the let’s play series. I went back to the microphone settings and lowered the decibel settings and just thought that people are just going to have to deal with the sound drowning out my voice. I did the next part before the final part of the Invasion 2, playing through the levels as usual, however in the back of my mind, something didn’t seem right. Like, I was thinking this whole time, why my microphone was acting like this. As, I reviewed the footage after recording that playthrough, I wasn’t satisfied with the results. I had to do something about the microphone. I figured that if I’m going to do the finale for a let’s play series, especially being the first time I would ever complete a let’s play on YouTube in general, I took the time to go outside my room. It was pitch dark in the house, around 2:00 am, and yes, for those who don’t know, I do let’s plays in the middle of the night, you know, to prevent family interference with my recordings. Well anyways, as I scavenged through one of the bins that we had at the time, which was filled with unused, or old electronics, I found it. I finally found what I was looking for shortly after. The holy grail… A headset with a microphone! I didn’t hesitate to grab it, going back to my room, finding my way around the pitch-black darkness, while doing so.

And then I asked myself… “Does it work?”, I said, anxiously pacing back to my room. I plugged it in and began to do a test recording of the microphone to see how it would respond and react. Listen back to my own recording, I was fucking shocked! The microphone, not only worked, but it was the best fucking quality too! I looked at the brand, wondering what it was, and it was by Logitech! “No wonder!”, I exclaimed to myself in my head. It was the same brand that I had when I was doing gaming with my friend Gilly back in 2012! Logitech is one of the best brands money can buy at a reasonable price. So, now that the test recording was done, how would it react to Bandicam? I did a test recording, pretending to do a 20 second playthrough of a random level in Invasion 2, as I repeatedly said, “Testing”, over and over again, and then I looked back at the footage and holy fucking shit! The sound quality was perfect! I’m serious! No mixing was involved! The balance between the game sound and the microphone was perfect and it was everything I needed for recording the final let’s play of the Invasion 2! Out with the old, in with the new!

I went on to make the finale episode for the Invasion 2, trying my damn best to do pretty entertaining commentary for the level, and, to be honest with you, it was actually shit. Yeah, that’s right, I don’t know the psychological process, but it’s like if you’re satisfied with something and happy that you got something better, you began to feel cocky and the quality of your videos would began to slip because of it. I don’t know why, but ever since I started using this microphone, my commentary began to become just purely fucking shit at this point, and like I said, it’s like when you become so happy with the new device that you just got, I’m guessing you get so distracted by that new device that you never had before, that your commentary and production quality would just slip because of that. I don’t know why, but it seems like your creativity is at its peak when you’re limited with the tools that you have.

Looking back at the final episode, the commentary was boring at worst. Like, the playthrough wasn’t bad, but it seems like the fact that you get to hear my voice in HD just seemed awkward, and it just clashed with the ear rape game audio. I created 𝕛𝕒𝕪𝟟𝟟𝟟𝟝𝟝, as an homage to as303298, as I wanted to emulate what he did in his videos, mostly as a subtle reference to my childhood YouTuber that I used to watch, and I wanted to relive that experience as how as303298 would do commentaries on his channel. It’s the low microphone quality in those videos that gives it charm and a sense of nostalgia, and hey, it was the late 2000s/early 2010s, the internet was still innocent back then; but when you have a better quality one, that charm that was once there is now gone. It feels mechanical, it feels forced. As I finished the last episode of the game, I was stumbling over my words, coughing at times that I shouldn’t and I was stuttering profusely throughout the playthrough. It felt embarrassing to me and to this day, I felt like this finale didn’t do the series justice. The only thing good to come out of this playthrough was me luckily able to beat final boss in the Invasion 2 without any cheats, for the first time, AND ON CAMERA on top of that, so I guess that’s the only saving grace for this playthrough.

Shortly after, when morning came, I would go on to upload parts, 4-12, on a daily basis, part 3, being the last part of the Invasion 2 on my YouTube channel at the time. Before I uploaded part 4, I recorded an apology video. This was before I found out about the Logitech microphone, so in this recording, it was still the shitty laptop microphone. It was an apology on how I went on a hiatus for literally a year, and like I said, because of that runtime error incident and the corrupted SMBX file, I just didn’t feel like doing anymore let’s plays at the time, so for a year, from May of 2016 to December of 2017, there was a huge time gap in between. I apologized for the time gap, the apology lasting for five minutes, and me outlining the future for my SMBX channel, and oh boy, this wouldn’t be the first time I would do this. I even said in the video to expect me to go on multiple hiatuses like this, because of college, work, and things like that in my life.

It wasn’t until part 10 of the series where things would really turn to be really sour. You remember when I said that when I first recorded the let’s play for the episode, and I made a mistake by setting the decibels too high for the microphone? Well, I found out that I made it even fucking worse. You see, part 10 was the part when the series got cut off, due to me trying to showcase the Yoshi vs Mouser glitch. Well, due to it being very loud, I decided to edit the audio in Sony Vegas, thinking that lowering the audio would help, as it won’t be a cannon to your ears, so I tried to at least make it tolerable. However, when it was done rendering, I forgot to review the footage, so guess what!? When I uploaded the video to YouTube, the fucking video was so quiet, I mean really fucking quiet! To the point where you would have to turn your volume to 100, it was that fucking quiet! Seeing the fact that I didn’t feel like going back to Vegas and editing the video again, due to how fucking long it takes to render, I just didn’t bother. So, when I uploaded the video, all I did was jokingly threw in an ear rape warning at the beginning, in a way to get the audience prepared, and then when the time comes, it would be quiet as fuck. Also, the video was titled, “Super Earrape Bros.”, nice…

It was around December 27th of that year, and I had finally uploaded the last part of my let’s play series. I began to relax and sit back, feeling accomplished, and my OCD finally deciding to stop haunting me for once in my life. It was as if tons of debris had just been lifted off of me and it felt like one of things that was once unfinished, was finally completed. I had a history of not completing things at all, leaving many of my projects unfinished, well this was one of the projects that was finally finished, once and for all! I actually felt like I had achieved a milestone in my life, and the fuel for pumping out let’s plays is finally back, giving me more motivation to do let’s plays of other projects as well!

Around evening time of that same day, I hadn’t checked on my laptop as I have been busy watching other YouTube videos at that time. It was around 11:00 PM at that time, I was going to upload a bonus episode for the Invasion 2. I was going to do it as a homage to as303298’s video to it as well. For those who don’t know, before the purge of SMBX related content after the cease and desist letter from Nintendo to Redegit, many SMBX YouTubers, including as303298, were asked to take down their videos pertaining to SMBX. Well, before that incident had occurred, as303298 had an old set of let’s play videos before he deleted them, of the Invasion 2, around the time I just found out about him; but what you guys didn’t know is that he did a video for the series called, “Fucking around in SMBX”, which was a bonus series that he uploaded after his finale for the Invasion 2 series. Basically it was him flying around the level in a Lakitu shoe and venturing multiple levels that he completed, mostly using cheats on them to see what the boundaries looked like for those levels, and how much he could break them.

Well anyways, I wanted to do something like that, and I uploaded my version of that playthrough as a homage to his version. Well, shortly before I was going to do a let’s play of the game, using cheats and everything, I was watching my YouTube videos that I had uploaded via the mobile app, and as I watched on, I noticed a comment below one of the videos that I had uploaded within a span of those seven days. It was from an old friend that I have not seen in a while! That’s right! It was J. I went to my YouTube homepage to see if I had gotten any notifications from the other videos and holy shit, I got like 4 or 6 notifications from him, commenting on all my new videos! This was such an excitement at the time as my new videos finally got the attention, and I thought that my videos would serve as entertainment for him, to keep him company.

He basically commented the usual, “Keep up the good work”, and how much he misses me. Reading all of this provided more fuel for me to continue doing let’s plays for the channel because of that, and so I decided to go full on, with so much courage. I made the bonus video for the Invasion 2. The video was everything you would expect, just me fucking around, doing random things, trying out new cheats for the game, essentially breaking levels in the episode, giving myself power ups, spamming fireballs and hammers, as usual until I got tired of it, and called it a day. Shortly after, I would go on to upload more bonus levels, however most of them being un-uploaded episodes of the series, as in my eyes, at the time, they were un-uploadworthy, so instead, I uploaded them as bloopers.

Over the course of the first half of 2018, I would begin to love my job uploading videos on YouTube. I was beginning to finally feel happy once again in my life, ignoring all the mental pain and suffering that had been plaguing me over the span of 4 years at that time, life was seemingly starting to get better, I was beginning to put all of my problems behind me and move forward with my life for once. It was around the middle of January of 2018, I had decided to finally redo the let’s play for the Princess Cliché, Redegit’s second episode for the game SMBX. For many years, I had always struggled with this one, like I said, because I always failed in the commentary category, but as I had so much confidence in myself at the time, I finally decided to pull the trigger.

Here I was, doing the episode for the Princess Cliché and surprisingly I was doing really good at the time! Yeah, like my boost of confidence was really in me, and I decided to go all out in the commentary department! I remember being nervous for the first time before hitting the record button, wondering what I was going to say, what jokes to make, and etc. Then, I just turned my brain off for a second and just decided to be myself for once, and just express how I feel, and that’s how the series was churned out. The first episode was a success, just successful joke after successful joke, I had found a way to distract myself from losing my train of thought!

After that, during this time, I would go on to learn advanced editing in Sony Vegas, as I was able to learn how to pan images across the screen, overlay images, fade in and fade outs, keyframing, display texts, and etc. Learning these features really enhanced my videos and it took me from a low quality YouTube channel to a decent channel full of fun content to watch! Throughout the Princess Cliché, I began to apply my knowledge of these features and implement them into my videos, attempting to energize the mood a bit. It was successful, however, sadly the Princess Cliché was a very, very short episode, so there were not that many episodes, only spawning three episodes in total. However, due to those episodes being so short, I was able to make each episode worth watching as one of the things that I like to do in my let’s plays is implement jumpcuts throughout playthroughs, either for coming back at a later time, or for comedic effect, and it all worked out perfectly from there.

After all this fun that I’ve had uploading these episodes, I didn’t know what other episodes to play at the time as I played pretty much all the episodes I used to primarily play as a kid, so I decided to create another series that was similar to Flash Games Corner. Around this time, I had just got a new desktop PC, to put it blunt, it was an HP Intel Core i5 computer which ran Windows 10, my first ever Windows 10 PC that I would ever have. I forgot to mention that my parents were getting concerned about the performance of my PC, as I was taking college courses at the time, being enrolled in Adobe classes and learning about the software. Knowing the fact that my old hunk of junk of a computer which was my Windows 7, Compaq PC Presario wasn't reliable, my parents decided to make the decision to finally buy me a new PC, for the sake of performance and that I would be able to do my homework, because running programs on that Windows 7 computer took a fucking millennium to load and it would freeze often.

Well anyways, not only that my PC was so fast when I first set it up, I had no problem opening up apps and such, as opening them were instantaneous, but also, I was able to play all the Steam games that I never had the chance to play! Granted, this is an i5 we’re talking about here, as it’s half as powerful as an i7 or an i9 even! I was able to play mostly games that were from 2010 and before, mostly games that ran on Nvidia DirectX. So that means I was able to play not only SMBX and Terraria with no performance issues whatsoever, but I was also able to play Team Fortress 2! Yeah, that’s right! The game that used to run like shit on my computer and also had to play on low GFX settings, is now able to almost max out the GFX settings to play with no framerate problems whatsoever! Seeing this, I was so happy, and I pulled out my OBS recorder (as I've used to use Bandicam, but recently switched to this software instead), and began recording! This series would go on to be known as “Steam Games Corner”, a nod to Flash Games Corner, where I would do showcases of whatever Steam games that I had in my library, whatever I want, whenever I want.

Getting into the early summer of 2018, I was mostly doing these showcases and having so much fun, as I would just fuck around, whether it be playing offline Red vs Blu matches, basically on training maps fighting bots, which be honest, I didn’t want to be roasted online, especially through voice chat, because you know… Also, I would do videos of Gmod, as I would just fuck around the map, spawning in Combines and just murdering them in creative ways, whether it be shooting at them, or running them over with my car. The outcome from recording these videos were surprising to me! This would be the very first time in history, that I would be able to upload in 60 FPS on YouTube! That’s right! My PC was so powerful, it was fast enough to record all my videos without any framerate hiccups whatsoever. This is where I would ditch the laptop, where I used to do my let’s plays on there and I would transition matches to my desktop, where I would record on there instead. Also another good outcome to come from my PC was the fact that when I rendered videos in Sony Vegas, my PC was so powerful enough to render those videos, that what used to take literally five hours to render on my old, slow laptop, now takes literally 15 fucking minutes! I can’t believe I’ve come a long way from having a slow piece of shit Windows 7 computer for 7 years, to having a blazing fast PC that’s almost gaming PC material!

As I was having so much fun uploading videos on my channel, one day I got a notification from someone in the YouTube comments. I checked to see what it was and someone had commented on my Princess Cliché part 1 video, and it was by a user named, shadowflame(some numbers). I’ll just call him shadowflame. Anyways, he commented on my video, asking if I could do a let’s play of his episode that he had worked on called, Reign of the Gatekeepers, and I’ll admit, when I first heard that name, it sounded like something out of a WWE wrestling program. Anyways, I happy obliged and for the first time in my life, I actually felt recognized for once. Just like how I always wanted to get as303298 to play my episode, Mario’s Epic Days, I feel like I was following him in his footsteps. I accepted his request, and knowing the fact that I had no other episodes to do a let’s play of, I finally got another episode on my plate to do a walkthrough of.

Throughout the rest of summer, I would upload 8 parts of Reign of the Gatekeepers, and to be honest, at this point, I began to realize that my commentary in most of those videos were starting to slip. But not only that, but the episode that this guy asked me to play, I’ll be honest, it was not my cup of tea. It’s not to say that the episode is bad or anything, but it was just boring to me. Like, I don’t know how to describe it, I don’t know if it was my cockiness that got the best of me or what, but I just didn’t feel right playing them, like something didn’t click with me. It’s like I did good with the Princess Cliché, but I don’t know what happened here. I realized that my quality was beginning to slip as time went on. And then, looking back at it, I think I know why the charm is gone… It’s the microphone… Yeah, the microphone quality is so good, it made my commentary sound boring. Because it sounds crystal clear, you could not only make out my voice better, but everything in the background gave it that mechanical feeling to it.

As I said before, I feel like all the charm is lost when you get better equipment and I don’t know if it’s because of being spoiled with better equipment or that you just feel so cocky at that point, but when you have a shitty microphone that came with a laptop which sounded like it was recorded underwater, it gives it charm. It’s like getting to know someone who’s going to be a great friend to you in the future! You’re feeling your way around a dark room to achieve something that you want, the darkness in that room, being a challenging obstacle. However, with better microphones and better production value, for me, it’s like navigating through that same room, except the lights are on, you can see anything, and the challenge isn’t there anymore.

Before I uploaded part 1 of ROTG (Reign of the Gatekeepers), I watched a tutorial on how to make an intro in Adobe After Effects, as I wanted to improve my content, realizing that many channels have intros to their videos, I decided to throw my hat in the ring myself. It was a simple 5 second intro with an oceanic blue background, and my name slowly taking form, from blurry scrambled smudges to the logo of my channel, which was 𝕛𝕒𝕪𝟟𝟟𝟟𝟝𝟝. I remember rendering the video at the time, and I was surprised to see that for only 5 seconds of screen time, the file size was literally 4 GB. Knowing this is Adobe After Effects, I’m guessing the effects used to make the video can be very CPU intensive.

Ever since then, my intro would then be used from now on from that point on every video that I uploaded. Even though I was doing ROTG, I was also uploading other videos that I wanted to do, as I decided to also start doing let’s plays of old games that came out in the past. The game that I love, and knowing that I’m a huge Kirby fan, I did a let’s play of Kirby Super Star around that time, and as usual, I only did like 5 or 6 parts, because my commentary was getting worse and worse as time went on.

As I began to upload more videos on YouTube, the more I began to lose interest in uploading videos altogether. I was throwing things at the walls, hoping that some of them would stick, however, just like in 2015 when I did the Great Castle Adventure, my commentary wasn’t doing so good and I began to just lose interest over time. The last video that I had uploaded before going on this huge hiatus at the time was part 8 of ROTG, as by then, not only was I losing interest in doing let’s plays in general, but also, because I was job hunting at the time. You see, as someone who just graduated High School around then, I needed some money to have, so I could be able to afford things like a car, a brand new PC, and eventually, I would be able to move out and live on my own.

And so, it wasn’t until August of 2018, when I began to lose interest all at once in doing let’s plays for my channel. I just didn’t feel it in me anymore, I didn’t know what else to do, I could continue doing ROTG at the time, but like I said, not only was my interest for my channel slipping, but I was job searching, and around September 20th of that same year, I would finally get my first job at retail, taking away all the free time I had at that moment, as I would go on to work during the entirety of the week, leaving me less room to do let’s plays of the games that I wanted to do.

Even though I just got a job, and for the first time in my life, I was really enjoying myself and having a good time starting out, I feel like something was missing from the equation. Someone that haven’t got in contact with me for a while. I couldn’t put my finger on it at the moment, it’s a certain someone that haven’t talked with me in months. It then suddenly hit me. I realized that he hasn’t commented on my videos as of late and I was beginning to worry about him. Mostly, the comments that I’ve been getting on my videos were from shadowflame, as he would compliment my videos saying how he appreciates the support from me for his episode ROTG, but another person was missing and I haven’t seen him in a while. I then had the sudden idea. The idea to visit my forum, to see how things are going so far as I haven’t visited my forum in a long while since 2016. I decided to see if anyone had posted anything there as of late, and I decided to check up on someone. I decided to check up on J…

Chapter 24: The “J” Chronicles

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The time has finally come, it’s finally here, the main reason why I wrote this entire document to begin with. What I am going to describe to you are the horrors that I’ve encountered over the past few years, and this guy, this guy is no Andrew, this guy is no Gilly, no this guy is a new fucking animal. All of the previous chapters that you’ve read so far all culminated to this chapter. In this chapter, you’ll begin to find out how fucking nuts this guy is, and how fucking mental he can fucking be. It may be subtle now as a fart, but wait after five seconds, and then you’d really begin to realize how bad it smells, because diving into this story is going to need more than just some gloves and a fucking heart defibrillator for this one…

I’ve known this guy for almost an entire decade, our friendship dating all the way back to 2012, when, like I said, he joined my forum for the first time. I did small talk with him back then, as he would explore my forum at the time, posting cute and charming things on my forum. Some of them being levels, and others being jokes on the “Funnies” forum. I didn’t think of it as friendship at the time, as I thought he would be just another member who just signed up to keep me company. In a way, he was almost like the new Robert190302 of my forum, and little did I know, he would play a big part in my life. Remember this was 2012, and my forum was still new at the time, so I thought that this guy was just like everybody else, as I thought the forum was still growing at the time. Little did I know, this guy would come to play a big part in my life. Just like how I looked up to as303298 as he would respond to me on most of his videos, me kind of playing a part in his life, J was my personal נεsυs77755, who played a role in my mine.

As time went on, I never saw him as a friend yet, as he had been absent for the remainder of 2014, so I thought he would just leave me alone and forget about me… But he didn’t and at the time, I began to think about all the posts that he left for me back in 2013, and I would go on to feel sorry for him, and so I’ve created a forum campaign around 2014, 𝕂𝕠𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕒ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕟 posted a thread on the board about how the forum wasn’t getting any members and how nobody was posting there at the time, especially ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ, so I took that thread and turned it into as a campaign to get ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ to come back, as we missed him and he hasn’t been around for a while. I marked the thread as a global announcement on the forum, hoping that ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ and even new members who visited the forum would see the thread and get their attention.

In 2015, ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ had finally returned to the forum, who now bared the name “J”, and he was the same J that I knew in the past. He apologized profusely for his absence of the forum and hearing that for the first time, was the day that he actually truly cared about me. He said that he would never leave ever again, and he said that he was busy doing other things like playing games, watching TV shows, and etc., and due to that fact, he began to drift away from SMBX and my forum. I welcomed him with open arms and my members on the forums did the same thing! We all celebrated his return as he hasn’t been on the forum for eons.

As the years went on, my interactions with him would start to slowly fade away, mostly due to the fact that I was doing let’s plays on my channel, as I put more attention into uploading videos, having more fun spending time with the games that I played. The more I uploaded videos and played games on my channel, the more I began to forget about my forum as a whole, and my connection with “J” was getting shorter and shorter over time. J would interact with me now and then on my videos, since I did announce it on my forum back in 2015, but that was about it. At times in my life, I began to forget that I even have a forum, and J would begin to feel worried about me.

Throughout 2017 and 2018, he would begin to document his life, the things that’s currently going in in them, the hatred for his country, and how much he hates the place that he lives in, and throughout all that time, I would’ve become unaware of all of this for two years, his insanity getting worse and worse under my radar for many months. Throughout most of the posts that he would make, he would outline the struggles and frustrations with the environment that he’s in and the people around him, his sanity slowly slipping, every single second of the day that passed. I was unaware of all of this like I said, so I did the following…

And here we are now… It was a beautiful evening on the month of October 18th, 2018, it was around 2:00 – 3:00 p.m., in the afternoon, and around that time, I had just gotten a job, and granted, I’ll get more into that in the next chapter, but for now, I’ll just give you a brief synopsis right here. I worked for a retail store which I will not mention for anonymity purposes, but let’s just say it’s a small chain of stores in my local area where I live. It was a store where you were the bagger and you took carts out to people’s cars for them, and even though this was my first month of having a job, I had to make sacrifices, and that sacrifice was my interaction with J.

Well, anyways, I was at my desk, learning how to make a game in Game Maker Studio 2, as mentioned in Chapter 22, I was learning how to finally program so I could make Insect Mashers, an idea for a side-scroller game, that I had since I was 10 years old, and I was watching tutorials then, playing with the code that was provided in the video, and then, all of a sudden, I had an urge to do something. Something just flashed in my mind. I had realized that time had passed for so long on my forum, that I forgot about checking it. My heart was panicking as a result of mild anxiety, left over from that incident in 2014. I went on my browser, anxiously typing in the URL to my forum, as Google Chrome autocompleted the link in the bar, and I was finally at my destination. I browsed through the forum categories to see if any new notifications had changed, and in the “Off Topic Discussion” board, I found a new post by “J”, as well as other posts made by him prior.

This was the first post that I saw in the category, and it was under the name, “ᗯᕼᗩTEᐯEᖇ...”, and it read,

“GOOᗪ ᗰOᖇᑎIᑎG Oᖇ ᗯᕼᗩTEᐯEᖇ IT Iᔕ.. ᑎOT ᔕᑌᖇE ᗯᕼᗩT I ᑕᗩᗰE ᕼEᖇE ᖴOᖇ ᗩᑎYᗯᗩY ᗷᑌT ᒪET ᗰE ᔕᗩY ᔕOᗰETᕼIᑎG. I GᑌEᔕᔕ EᐯEᖇYOᑎE ᔕᕼOᑌᒪᗪ ᔕEE. ᗰOᔕT ᗯOᑎT ᑕᗩᖇE IᗪK...ᕼEᕼ....

TIᖇEᗪ Oᖴ EᐯEᖇYTᕼIᑎG.. ᖇEEEEEEEEEEEEE....

TᕼE OᑎᒪY TᕼIᑎG TᕼᗩT KEᑭT ᗰE ᗩᒪIᐯE ᗯEᖇE GᗩᗰEᔕ,ᗩᑎIᗰE,TᕼIᔕ ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ, ᗩᑎᗪ TᕼE ᔕO ᑕᗩᒪᒪEᗪ ᕼOᑭE TᕼᗩT Iᒪᒪ ᗷE ᔕᗩᐯEᗪ (ᗰY ᗩᔕᔕ). I ᗯOᑌᒪᗪᑎT ᔕᗩY ᗩᑎY Oᖴ TᕼIᔕ **** ᗯEᖇE I ᑎOT TᖇᗩᑭᑭEᗪ Iᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᑭIEᑕE Oᖴ ᗩ **** ᑕOᑌᑎTᖇY (I ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ Oᖴ ᗷETTEᖇ ᗷEEᑎ ᗷOᖇᑎ Iᑎ ᗩᖴᖇIᑕᗩ Oᖇ ᔕOᗰE ****). GOᗪ ᗪᗩᗰᗰIT, I ᗯOᑌᒪᗪᑎT ᔕᗩY IT Iᖴ I ᕼᗩᗪ ᗩ ᑎOᖇᗰᗩᒪ ᖴᗩᗰIᒪY (Iᗰ TEᑕᕼᑎIᑕᗩᒪᒪY TᕼE ᔕᗰᗩᖇTEᔕT ᕼEᖇE, ᗷᑌT Iᗰ ᗩᒪᔕO ᖇETᗩᖇᗪEᗪ ᔕIᑎᑕE I GOT ᒪOTᔕ Oᖴ ᗰEᑎTᗩᒪITIEᔕ ᖴᖇOᗰ TᕼEᗰ, ᑭᒪᑌᔕ ᗷOᖇᑎ ᗯITᕼ Tᖇᗩᑌᗰᗩᔕ TᕼᗩT ᗯEᖇE TᖇᗩᑎᔕᖴEᖇᖇEᗪ ᖴᖇOᗰ ᗰY ᗰᑌᗰ). ᗩᑭᑭᒪY TᕼIᔕ **** ᗯITᕼ ᗷEIᑎG ᑭOOᖇ TIᒪᒪ YEᗩᖇ 10 (ᔕTIᒪᒪ I ᗩᗰ ITᔕ ᒍᑌᔕT TᕼᗩT ᗯE ᑕᗩᑎ ᗩᖴᖴOᖇᗪ ᑎOᗯ TO ******* EᗩT ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴOᖇ ᔕᑕᕼOOᒪ ᗩᑎᗪ ᔕᑌᖇᐯIᐯᗩᒪ ****, ᑎO OᑎE ᕼᗩᔕ Oᖇ ᗯIᒪᒪ ᕼᗩᐯE ᗩ ᑭEᑎᔕIOᑎ YᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩY) ᗯᕼEᑎ I ᔕTᗩᖇTEᗪ TO ᒪEᗩᖇᑎ TᕼᗩT TᕼE ᖴᖇEᗩKIᑎG ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ Iᔕ ᕼᑌGE. ᗯᗩᔕ ᗩᒪᗯᗩYᔕ ᒪEᖴT ᗷEᕼIᑎᗪ ᗯITᕼ EᐯEᖇYTᕼIᑎG, ᗪIᗪᑎT KᑎOᗯ ᗷᗩᔕIᑕ **** ᗩᑎᗪ ᔕTIᒪᒪ ᗪOᑎT KᑎOᗯ ᗰᗩᑎY ᔕTᑌᖴᖴ. (I ᑌᔕEᗪ TO GET ᗷᑌᒪᒪIEᗪ ᖴOᖇ TᕼᗩT ᑕᖇᗩᑭ). I ᗯOᑌᒪᗪᑎT EᐯEᑎ ᔕᗩY TᕼIᔕ ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ I ᕼᗩᗪ ᗩ ᕼᗩᑭᑭY ᖴᗩᗰIᒪY TᕼᗩT ᗪOEᔕᑎT ᗩᖇGᑌE EᐯEᖇY ******* ᗪᗩY ᖴOᖇ ᔕTᑌᑭIᗪ ᖇEᗩᔕOᑎᔕ (TᕼEY ᗷEᕼᗩᐯE ᗩᒪᗰOᔕT ᒪIKE KIᗪᔕ , YEᗩᕼ ᗰOᗰ ᕼᗩᗪ ᒪOTᔕ Oᖴ OᑭᑭOᖇTᑌᑎITIEᔕ TO ᗪIᐯOᖇᑕE (ᗷEEᑎ TEᒪᒪIᑎG ᕼEᖇ ᗰᗩᑎY TIᗰEᔕ ᑕᑌᘔ EᐯEᑎ ᔕᕼE ᔕᑌᖴᖴEᖇEᗪ ᕼEᖇE(ᑎEᐯEᖇ ᗷEEᑎ ᒪOᐯEᗪ ,**** ,ᗷEᑕᗩᑌᔕE ᔕᕼE TEᑕᕼᑎIᑕᗩᒪᒪY EᔕᑕᗩᑭEᗪ ᖴᖇOᗰ ᕼEᖇ Oᗯᑎ ᖴᗩᗰIᒪY ᗯᕼIᑕᕼ TᖇᗩᑌᗰᗩTIᘔEᗪ ᕼEᖇ ᗩᑎᗪ ᔕᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKEᗪ ᕼEᖇᔕEᒪᖴ ᑌᑭ ᗰOᖇE Tᕼᗩᑎ ᗷEᖴOᖇE, TᕼEᑎ ᔕᕼE ᕼᗩᗪ TO GIᐯE ᗷIᖇTᕼ TO TᕼIᔕ **** ᕼEᖇE YᗩᗩᗩY 3 ). ᗩᑭᑭᒪY TᕼᗩT ᗯITᕼ TᕼE ᗯᗩᖇ **** TᕼᗩT TᖇᗩᑌᗰᗩTIᘔEᗪ ᕼEᖇ ᗯᕼOᒪE ᖴᗩᗰIᒪY ᖴOᖇ YEᗩᖇᔕ ( YᗩY ᗯᕼO ᗯOᑌᒪᗪᑎT ᗷE ᗩᖴTEᖇ ᔕEEIᑎG ᕼEᖇ ᖴᗩTᕼEᖇ ᗷEIᑎG ᗷᒪOᗯᑎ TO ᑭIEᑕEᔕ (ᔕᑌIᑕIᗪE) Iᑎ ᖴᖇOᑎT Oᖴ ᕼEᖇ ᗯITᕼ ᗰE Iᑎ ᕼEᖇ ᗷEᒪᒪY ᖇEEEEEEEEEEEE) .

Iᗰ ᔕOᖇᖇY ᖴOᖇ ᔕᗩYIᑎG TᕼIᔕ ᗷᑌT I ᕼᗩᗪ TO, ᗷᑌT IᗪK ᗯIᔕᕼ I ᑕOᑌᒪᗪ ᕼEᒪᑭ ᗰYᔕEᒪᖴ. ᗩᑎᗪ ᗩᒪᔕO TᕼIᔕ ᑕOᑌᑎTᖇY ᗯᕼEᖇE GETTIᑎG ᗩ ******* ᒍOᗷ Iᔕ ᕼᗩᖇᗪ ᗩᑎᗪ ᗯᕼEᑎ YOᑌ GET OᑎE YOᑌ TEᑕᕼᑎIᑕᗩᒪᒪY ᗪOᑎT EᐯEᑎ GET EᑎOᑌGᕼ TO ᑭᗩY ᗩ ᖴᖇEᗩKIᑎG ᖇEᑎT ᗪᗩᗰᑎ IT (IᐯE ᔕEEᑎ IT). TᕼᗩTᔕ ᗯᕼY ᒪOTᔕ Oᖴ ᑭEOᑭᒪE GET OᑌT Oᖴ ᕼEᖇE.EᐯEᑎ I ᗯᗩᑎT TO, ᗷᑌT ᕼOᗯ ᗩᗰ I ᗯᕼEᑎ Iᖴ Iᑎ OᖇᗪEᖇ TO GET OᑌT YOᑌ ᑎEEᗪ ᗰOᑎEY (I ᕼᗩᐯE EᑎOᑌGᕼ TO GET OᑌT ᖇIGᕼT ᑎOᗯ, ᗷᑌT ᗯᕼEᖇE TO ᒪIᐯE - Oᑎ TᕼE ******* ᔕTᖇEETᔕ,EᗩTIᑎG **** ᑎOᑭE, ᔕO YEᗩᕼ ᗷETTEᖇ ᔕᑌᖴᖴEᖇ ᕼEᖇE EITᕼEᖇ ᗯᗩY). TᕼO YEᗩᕼ, I ᑕᗩᑎ ᖴIᑎᗪ ᔕOᗰEOᑎE TO ᗩᗪOᑭT ᗰE, ᗷᑌT TᕼE ᖴᖇIEᑎᗪᔕ ᕼEᖇE I ᕼᗩᐯE ᑕᗩᑎT ᗩᑎᗪ ᗪOᑎT ᗯᗩᑎT TO ᔕO YEᗩᕼ **** TᕼᗩT. TᕼEᖇE Iᔕ ᔕᑕᕼOOᒪ, ᗷᑌT ᔕTIᒪᒪ EᐯEᑎ ᗩᖴTEᖇ ᖴIᑎIᔕᕼIᑎG IT, ITᔕ ᔕTIᒪᒪ TᕼE ᔕᗩᗰE (ᗷEᑕᗩᑌᔕE TᕼE ᔕYᔕTEᗰ ᕼEᖇE Iᔕ ᖇETᗩᖇᗪEᗪ). ᒪᑌᑕK Iᔕ ᗯᕼᗩT ᗯE ᑎEEᗪ ᕼEᖇE. Oᖇ ᗩ ******* ᗰIᖇᗩᑕᒪE. YEᗩᕼ ᔕᑌᖇE Iᗰ GOᑎᑎᗩ ᔕEᗩᖇᑕᕼ ᖴOᖇ TᕼE ᗪᗩᗰᑎ ᗩᗪOᑭTIOᑎ ᔕTᑌᖴᖴ (ᗷᑌT OᑌTᔕIᗪE TᕼIᔕ ᔕᕼITᕼOᒪE, Iᖴ I ᗪOᑎT GET ᗩ ᒍOᗷ Oᖇ ᔕOᗰETᕼIᑎG IᗪK.)

KEK IᐯE ᗷEEᑎ ᕼOᒪᗪIᑎG **** ᖴOᖇ ᒪIKE 13+ YEᗩᖇᔕ (YEᗩᕼ I ᗯᗩᔕ ᔕᕼOᗯIᑎG ᔕOᗰETIᗰEᔕ ᕼᗩᑭᑭIᑎEᔕᔕ ᗷᑌT IT ᗯᗩᔕ ᗩᒪᒪ ᒍᑌᔕT ᗩ ᖴᖇᗩᑌᗪ- ᗩ ****).

ᗩᑎᗪ ᑎOᗯ ᗰY ᖴEEᒪIᑎGᔕ ᗩᖇE IᑎᗷᗩᒪᗩᑎᑕEᗪ. I ᗩᗰ ᒪᗩᑌGᕼIᑎG ᕼEᖇE ᗩ ᒪITTᒪE ᗯᕼIᒪE TYᑭIᑎG TᕼIᔕ, ᗷᑌT ᗰY ᖴᑌKᑕIᑎG ᕼEᗩᖇT ᕼᑌᖇTᔕ ᒪIKE ****. ᗰY ᑭEᖇᔕOᑎᗩᒪITY ᔕᗩᐯEᗪ ᗰE ᖴᖇOᗰ ᔕᕼOᗯIᑎG ᖴEEᒪIᑎGᔕ, ᗷᑌT I ᗯIᔕᕼ IT ᗪIᗪᑎT. IᗪK EᐯEᑎ ᕼOᗯ ᗩᗰ I ᖴEEᒪIᑎG ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE TᕼO. YEᔕTEᖇᗪᗩY ᗯᕼIᒪE TᗩKIᑎG ᗩ ᗷOOTᒪEG ᗷᗩTᕼ I ᑕOᑌᒪᗪᑎT ᑕOᑎTᖇOᒪ ****, I ᗯᗩᔕ ᒪᗩᑌGᕼIᑎG ᖴOᖇ ᗩ ᔕEᑕOᑎᗪ, TᕼEᑎ ᗩᑎGEᖇ TᕼEᑎ TᕼIᔕ TᕼEᑎ ᔕᑌIᑕIᗪE TᕼEᑎ.....ᖇEEEEEEEEEEEEE..

ᔕO YEᗩᕼ, Iᖴ I ᗪOᑎT ᗩT ᒪEᗩᔕT GET OᑎE Oᖴ TᕼE **** (GOOᗪ ᒍOᗷ, GETTIᑎG OᑌT, ᗰIᖇᗩᑕᒪE, ᒪᑌᑕK, TᕼEᑎ ᗯᕼY ******* ᒪIᐯE. ᔕOᗰEOᑎE OᑌT TᕼEᖇE Iᔕ ᗯᗩITIᑎG TO ᗷE ᗷOᖇᑎ ᔕO I ᑕOᑌᒪᗪ ᕼEᒪᑭ ᕼIᗰ Oᖇ ᕼEᖇ ᗷY KIᒪᒪIᑎG ᗰYᔕEᒪᖴ. ). TEᑕᕼᑎIᑕᗩᒪᒪY Iᖴ I ᗪOᑎT I ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ ᒍᑌᔕT ᗯᗩᔕTE TIᗰE.

ᑭᒪᑌᔕ ᗰY ᔕTᑌᑭIᗪ ᖇEᒪIGIOᑎ (Iᖴ OᑎᒪY I ᗯᗩᔕ ᗩ ᑕᕼᖇIᔕTIᗩᑎ). I ᗯᗩᔕ TᖇIᑕKEᗪ- ᗷEᒪIEᐯE Iᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᔕO ᑕᗩᒪᒪEᗪ EᑎTITY ᗩᑎᗪ YOᑌᒪᒪ ᗷE ᔕᗩᐯEᗪ (ᗰY ᗩᔕᔕ).

ᗰY ᖴᖇIEᑎᗪᔕ ᒍᑌᔕT TEᒪᒪ ᗰE TO ᒪIKE ᗪO ᔕOᗰETᕼIᑎG ᗩᗷOᑌT IT ᒪIKE ᗯᕼᗩT. TᕼEY ᗪOᑎT KᑎOᗯ ᕼOᗯ TO ᗷE ᗷOᖇᑎ ᒪIKE TᕼIᔕ ****. TᕼEY ᗩᖇE ᗩᒪᒪ TᗩᒪK ᗩᑎᗪ ᑎO OᑎEᔕ TᗩKEᔕ ᗩᑎY ᗩᑕTIOᑎ.(**** TᕼᗩT) . TᕼEY ᗩᒪᒪ TᕼIᑎK Iᗰ ᒪIKE ᗯEᗩK ᗷᖇᑌᑌᕼ ᗯTᖴ I ᗯᗩᗩY ᔕTᖇOᑎGEᖇ Tᕼᗩᑎ TᕼEᗰ ᗯITᕼ TᕼIᔕ ᔕOᖇTᗩ ****.

ᔕO YEᗩᕼ ᑕᗩᑎT TᗩKE TᕼIᔕ **** ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE. I ᗯOᑎT ᔕᑌIᑕIᗪE ᗰYᔕEᒪᖴ, Iᒪᒪ ᒪIᐯE Oᑎ ᖴOᖇ ᑎOᗯ..... ᗷᑌT Iᖴ EᐯEᖇYTᕼIᑎG ᔕTᗩYᔕ TᕼE ᔕᗩᗰE **** IT TᕼEᑎ....

ᗩᒪᔕO Iᖴ TᕼE OᑭᑭOᖇTᑌᑎITY ᑕOᗰEᔕ Iᒪᒪ ᑌᔕE IT TO KIᒪᒪ ᗰYᔕEᒪᖴ. (ᖴOᖇ E᙭ᗩᗰᑭᒪE ᔕOᗰE GᑌᑎᑎEᖇ ᑕOᗰEᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ YEᗩᕼ Iᗪ ᒍᑌᔕT ᖇᑌᑎ IᑎTO ᕼIᗰ ᔕᗩYIᑎG ᔕᗩᐯE ᗰE ᗩᑎᗪ YOᑌ GET TᕼE ᖇEᔕT..)

I ᗩᒪᔕO ᗯᗩᔕTEᗪ ᑕᕼIᒪᗪᕼOOᗪ ᗯITᕼ **** ᒪIKE TᕼIᔕ. I ᕼᗩᐯE ᖴIᑎᗩᒪᒪY ᖴOᑌᑎᗪ OᑌT ᗯᕼᗩT I TᖇᑌᒪY ᒪOᐯE ᗩᑎᗪ ᗯᗩᑎT ᗷᑌT YEᗩᗩᕼ **** IT ᑎOᗯ ᗯᕼEᑎ YOᑌᖇE ᔕTᑌᑕK Iᑎ TᕼIᔕ ****.

TᕼE ᗯOᖇᔕT TᕼIᑎG Iᔕ ᗯᕼEᑎ I ᕼEᗩᖇ ᔕOᗰEOᑎE ᔕᗩYIᑎG Iᗰ ᗪEᑭᖇEᔕᔕEᗪ ᗷEᑕᗩᑌᔕE I ᗪOᑎT ᕼᗩᐯE ᗩ Gᖴ, ᗩ ᑕᗩᖇ Oᖇ ᗯᕼᗩTEᐯEᖇ. ᖴᑌᑌᑌᑌᑕK YOᑌᑌ. (Iᖴ YOᑌ ᕼᗩᐯE ᗩ ******* ᖴᗩᗰIᒪY,ᑕᗩᑎ EᗩT ᗰOᖇE Tᕼᗩᑎ 2 TIᗰEᔕ ᗩ ᗪᗩY, ᗩᑎᗪ ᗩᖇE ᒪIᐯIᑎG ᒪIKE ᗩᑎ ᗩᐯEᖇᗩGE ᗰᗩᑎ ᗯITᕼOᑌT ᗯOᖇᖇYIᑎG ᗩᗷOᑌT **** ᒪIKE ᗰE YOᑌ ᑭᗩᔕᔕEᗪ TᕼE ᗪᗩᗰᑎ ᒪIᖴE TEᔕT. TᕼE ᖇEᔕT ᒍᑌᔕT ᑕOᗰEᔕ Oᖇ GOEᔕ.)

ᔕOᖇᖇY ᗩGᗩIᑎ ᖇEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. TᕼIᔕ ᑕOᑌᑎTᖇY ᑕᗩᑎ ᒍᑌᔕT ᗪIᔕᗩᑭᑭEᗩᖇ ,ᑕᑌᘔ IT ᕼᗩᔕᑎT GOT ᗩᑎY ᐯᗩᒪᑌE ᗩᑎYᗯᗩY .

EᗪIT 1 ᖴOᖇGOT TO ᔕᗩY TᕼᗩT I ᒪIᐯE Iᑎ ᗩ ᐯEᖇY ᔕᗰᗩᒪᒪ ᕼOᑌᔕE (YOᑌ ᑕOᑌᒪᗪ ᔕᗩY ITᔕ ᒪIKE ᗩᑎ ᗩᑭᗩᖇTᗰEᑎT), ᗩᑎᗪ ᗰE ᑎOT ᕼᗩᐯIᑎG ᗰY Oᗯᑎ ᖇOOᗰ, ᗷEIᑎG ᗩᑎ IᑎTᖇOᐯEᖇT ᕼᗩᐯIᑎG TO ᒪIᔕTEᑎ TO ******** EᐯEᖇYᗪᗩY ᗩᑎᗪ ᑎEᐯEᖇ GETTIᑎG ᗩᑎY ᑭᖇIᐯᗩᑕY ᗩT ᗩᒪᒪ (ᒪIKE ᗯᕼᗩT Iᔕ ᑭᖇIᐯᗩᑕY ᖇEᗩᒪᒪY I ᗪOᑎT ᑌᑎᗪEᖇᔕTᗩᑎᗪ I ᑕᗩᑎT EᐯEᑎ TᗩKE ᗩ **** ᗯITᕼOᑌT ᗩᑎYOᑎE ᑕOᗰIᑎG IᑎᔕIᗪE ᗩᑎᗪ ᗪOIᑎG TᕼEIᖇ **** TOO). IᑎTᖇOᐯEᖇTᔕ ᑎEEᗪ ᑭᖇIᐯᗩᑕY ᔕO ᗯITᕼOᑌT TᕼIᔕ Iᗰ TEᑕᕼᑎIᑕᗩᒪᒪY IᑎᔕᗩᑎE IᗪK ᕼOᗯ I ᗩᗰ ᗩᒪIᐯE ᗩᑎYᗯᗩY ᖇEEEEEEEEEEE....

EᗪIT 2 ᗷᑌT TᕼE ᗯOᖇᔕT Iᔕ YET TO ᑕOᗰE............

Original post has been converted to a custom font to prevent being found on Google. Interpret this post at your own sake.

Seeing this post for the first time under the name “J”, painted him in a new light that I had never seen before, I was frozen and shocked. At first I thought to myself, if this was the real J or not, as J would never speak like that. This had to be some kind of disorder that he must've been going through, as reading all of this was way out of character! The J that I knew back then had now been changed, and this post showed his true colors. As I read through all of this, I began to relate with him in a way, realizing that most of the problems echoed with the problems that I was going through as well. I began to feel sorry for him, and I was so glad that I wasn’t the only one who was going through this pain at the time. Just like how he couldn’t hold it in anymore, I began to let out all my personal problems as well. This would be the first time I would break silence on the matter, as I have been holding it all in for so many years, and my anxiety, and my depression had been worse than ever. I couldn’t hold it in any longer, I tried to keep it a secret, but for now, I decided to finally spill the beans.

Before I responded, I moved the thread to the rants section as I feelest though it would be more suitable for that category and I told him everything that I was going through with this,

“I KᑎOᗯ ᕼOᗯ YOᑌ ᖴEEᒪ, ᗩᑎᗪ I ᖴEEᒪ ᖇEᗩᒪᒪY ᔕOᖇᖇY ᗯᕼᗩT YOᑌ ᕼᗩᐯE TO GO TᕼᖇOᑌGᕼ, ᗷᑌT I ᗰYᔕEᒪᖴ ᗩᗰ GOIᑎG TO ᗩᑎ᙭IETY ᗩᑎᗪ ᗪEᑭᖇEᔕᔕIOᑎ. EᐯEᖇY ******* ᗪᗩY I ᒍᑌᔕT ᗯᗩᑎT TO ᑭᑌT ᗩ Gᑌᑎ TO ᗰY ᕼEᗩᗪ ᗩᑎᗪ ᒍᑌᔕT ᗷᒪOᗯ IT, IT'ᔕ ᒪIKE I'ᗰ Oᑎ ᗩ ᒪEᗩᔕᕼ. I ᑕᗩᑎ'T TᗩKE IT ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE. I TᖇIEᗪ EᐯEᖇYTᕼIᑎG, ᖴᖇOᗰ ᗰEᗪIᑕᗩTIOᑎ TO ******* ᔕᗰOKIᑎG ᑕIGᗩᖇETTEᔕ, ᗩᑎᗪ ᑎOᗯ Oᑎ ᗰY ᗯᗩY TO ᗪᖇIᑎKIᑎG (Iᖴ IT GETᔕ ᗩᑎY ᗷETTEᖇ), I'ᗰ ᒍᑌᔕT ᑎOT TᕼE ᔕᗩᗰE ᗩᔕ I ᑌᔕEᗪ TO ᗷE. I'ᗰ ᑕᑌᖇᖇEᑎTᒪY ᑫᑌITTIᑎG ᔕᗰOKIᑎG ᗩᑎᗪ ᗩᗰ GETTIᑎG ᗰY ᖴIᖇᔕT ᐯᗩᑭE ᗩᖇOᑌᑎᗪ TOᗰOᖇᖇOᗯ Oᖇ 2 ᗪᗩYᔕ.

ᗷᗩᑕK Iᑎ 2011 ᗯᕼEᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ ᗯᗩᔕ ᗩᒪIᐯE, ᗯᗩᔕ ᗪᑌᖇIᑎG TᕼE TIᗰE ᗯᕼEᑎ I ᗯᗩᔕ ᕼᗩᑭᑭY, ᗷᑌT ᗯᕼEᑎ 2014 ᖇOᒪᒪEᗪ ᗩᖇOᑌᑎᗪ, IT GOT ᗯOᖇᔕE ᗩᑎᗪ ******* ᗯOᖇᔕE. I ᒍᑌᔕT ᗯᗩᑎT IT TO Eᑎᗪ, I ᗯᗩᑎT TᕼE ******* ᑭᗩIᑎ TO Eᑎᗪ ᗰᗩᑎ. I ᑕOᑌᒪᗪ ᗷE TᕼE ᖇIᑕᕼEᔕT ************ Iᑎ TᕼE ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ, ᗷᑌT TᕼIᔕ ᗩᑎ᙭IETY ᑕᑌᖇᔕE, IT ᕼᑌᖇTᔕ! YOᑌ ᗪOᑎ'T KᑎOᗯ ᗯᕼᗩT ITᔕ ᒪIKE TO ᗯᗩKE ᑌᑭ, ᔕO ******* ᗩᑎ᙭IOᑌᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ ᗪEᑭᖇEᔕᔕEᗪ, ᗪE-*******-ᑭᖇEᔕᔕEᗪ!!!

I'ᗰ Oᑎ TᕼE ᔕᗩᗰE ᗷOᗩT ᗩᔕ YOᑌ, I ᔕᑌᖴᖴEᖇ ᖴᖇOᗰ ᔕOᑕIᗩᒪ ᗩᑎ᙭IETY, I'ᗰ ᗩᖴᖇᗩIᗪ Oᖴ ᑌᑭᒪOᗩᗪIᑎG ᑎEᗯ ᐯIᗪEOᔕ ᗷEᑕᗩᑌᔕE I ᗰIGᕼT ᗩᑕᑕIᗪEᑎTᗩᒪᒪY ᗷEᑕOᗰE ᑭOᑭᑌᒪᗩᖇ Oᑎ YOᑌTᑌᗷE, ᗩᑎᗪ IT ᒪEᗩᗪᔕ TO ᕼᑌᗰIᒪIᗩTIOᑎ ᖴᖇOᗰ TᖇOᒪᒪᔕ. I ᗪOᑎ'T KᑎOᗯ ᕼOᗯ TO TᗩᒪK TO ᑭEOᑭᒪE, I ᔕᑌᑕK ᗩT ᑕOᑎᐯEᖇᔕᗩTIOᑎᔕ, I ᕼᗩᐯE TEᖇᖇIᗷᒪE ᑕOᗰᑭᖇEᕼEᑎᔕIOᑎ, ᗩᑎᗪ I ᖴEEᒪ ᒪIKE I'ᗰ ᗩᑎ ᗩᑌTIᔕTIᑕ ᖇETᗩᖇᗪ (ᑎO OᖴᖴEᑎᔕE). I'ᗰ ᗷᗩᗪ ᗩT ᖴOᒪᒪOᗯIᑎG IᑎᔕTᖇᑌᑕTIOᑎᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ ᖇEᒪY Oᑎ OTᕼEᖇᔕ TO ᗪO TᕼEIᖇ ᗷIᗪᗪIᑎG ᖴOᖇ ᗰE. I ᗯᗩᑎT TO ᑕᖇY EᐯEᖇYᗪᗩY, ᗷᑌT ᗩT TᕼE ᔕᗩᗰE TIᗰE I TᖇY ᑎOT TOO, ᗷᑌT I ᒍᑌᔕT ᗯᗩᑎT IT TO ᔕTOᑭ. ᗷᑌT EᐯEᖇYᗪᗩY, IT'ᔕ ᒪIKE ᗷEIᑎG IᗰᑭᖇIᔕOᑎEᗪ. I ᖴEEᒪ ᒪIKE ᗩ ******* ᑭᖇIᔕOᑎEᖇ TO ᗰY ᗰEᑎTᗩᒪ IᔕᔕᑌEᔕ. I ᕼᗩᐯE ᗷEEᑎ ᑕᑌᖇᔕEᗪ ᗯITᕼ TᕼIᔕ ᗪIᔕEᗩᔕE ᔕIᑎᑕE ᒪᗩTE 2014, ᗩᑎᗪ ᔕTIᒪᒪ GOIᑎG.

I ᗯᗩᑎT TO ******* ᗪIE ᗷᑌT ᗩT TᕼE ᔕᗩᗰE TIᗰE I ᗪOᑎ'T. TᕼIᔕ ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ Iᔕ GETTIᑎG ᗯOᖇᔕE, ᖴᖇOᗰ ᑭOᒪITIᑕᗩᒪ ᖴIGᕼTᔕ EᐯEᖇYᗪᗩY Oᑎ TᕼE ******* ᑎEᗯᔕ, ᗯᕼEᑎ I ᗯᗩᔕ ᗩᖇOᑌᑎᗪ ᗰY ᗩGE, TᕼIᔕ **** ᖇᗩᖇEᒪY ******* ᕼᗩᑭᑭEᑎEᗪ, ᗷᑌT ᑎOᗯ I ᑕᗩᑎ'T GO OᑎE ᗰIᑎᑌTE ᗯITᕼOᑌT ᔕEEIᑎG ᔕOᗰETᕼIᑎG ******* ᑭOᒪITIᑕᗩᒪ Oᑎ TᕼE ᑎEᗯᔕ, IT'ᔕ ********. I ᖇEᑕEᑎTᒪY GOT ᗷᗩᑕK IᑎTO ᑎIᑎTEᑎᗪO, ᗩᑎᗪ ᑎIᑎTEᑎᗪO ᔕEEᗰᔕ TᕼE ᗷE TᕼE OᑎᒪY ᖇEᗩᔕOᑎ ᗯᕼY I'ᗰ ******* ᔕᗩᑎE ᗩᑎᗪ ᗩᒪIᐯE Oᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᑭᒪᗩᑎET, Iᖴ I ᑎEᐯEᖇ GᖇEᗯ ᑌᑭ ᗯITᕼ ᑎIᑎTEᑎᗪO, I ᑭᖇOᗷᗩᗷᒪY ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ'ᐯE KIᒪᒪEᗪ ᗰYᔕEᒪᖴ.

I'ᗰ ᒍEᗩᒪOᑌᔕ Oᖴ EᐯEᖇYOᑎE ᗩᖇOᑌᑎᗪ ᗰE, TᕼᗩT TᕼEY GET TO ᗷE ******* ᕼᗩᑭᑭY ᗩᑎᗪ ****, ᗩᑎᗪ IT ᗰᗩKEᔕ ᗰE ᔕO ******* EᑎᐯIOᑌᔕ. I ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ ᖇᗩTᕼEᖇ ᗷE Iᑎ TᕼE ᔕᕼOEᔕ Oᖴ ᗩ ᗯOᑌᑎᗪEᗪ ᔕOᒪᗪIEᖇ Tᕼᗩᑎ TO ᕼᗩᐯE TᕼIᔕ ᗩᑎ᙭IETY, I ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ EᐯEᑎ ᗪOᑎᗩTE ᗰY ******* OᖇGᗩᑎᔕ Iᖴ TᕼᗩT'ᔕ ᗯᕼᗩT IT TᗩKEᔕ TO GET ᖇIᗪ Oᖴ TᕼIᔕ ᑕᑌᖇᔕE. I ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ ᖇᗩTᕼEᖇ ᕼᗩᐯE ᗩᑎYTᕼIᑎG Tᕼᗩᑎ TO ᗷE Oᑎ ᗩ ******* ᒪEᗩᔕᕼ. I ᑕᗩᑎ'T TᗩKE IT ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE, I ᒍᑌᔕT ᗯᗩᑎT IT TO ᔕTOᑭ, I ᒍᑌᔕT ᗯᗩᑎT IT TO Eᑎᗪ ᗩᑎᗪ EᐯEᖇYᗪᗩY I'ᗰ Oᑎ TᕼE ᐯEᖇGE Oᖴ ᕼᗩᑎGIᑎG ᗰYᔕEᒪᖴ. ᗪOᑎ'T TᗩKE TᕼIᔕ ᗩᔕ ᗩ ᔕᑌIᑕIᗪE ᑎOTE, ᗷᑌT IT'ᔕ ᒍᑌᔕT ᗩ ᗯᗩᖇᑎIᑎG.

Iᖴ EᐯEᑎ ᗩᒪᑕOᕼOᒪ ᑕᗩᑎ'T TᗩKE ᗩᗯᗩY TᕼE ᑭᗩIᑎ TᕼEᑎ I'ᗰ ᖴᑌᑕKEᗪ... **** ᗩᑎ᙭IETY, Iᖴ IT ᗯᗩᔕ ᗩ ᑭEᖇᔕOᑎ, I ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ ******* ᑕᖇᑌᑕIᖴY IT. I ᕼᗩᐯE ᗷEEᑎ ᕼOᒪᗪIᑎG TᕼIᔕ Iᑎ ᗩᑎᗪ ᕼᗩᐯE KEᑭT TᕼIᔕ ᗩ ᔕEᑕᖇET ᖴᖇOᗰ YOᑌ ᖴOᖇ ᗩ ᗯᕼIᒪE, ᗷᑌT ᕼEᖇE I ᗩᗰ. TᕼIᔕ Iᔕ ᗰY TᖇᑌE ᑕOᒪOᖇ, TᕼIᔕ Iᔕ TᕼE ᑭᗩIᑎ TᕼᗩT ᕼᗩᔕ ᖇEᑭᖇEᔕEᑎTEᗪ ᗰE ᗩᔕ ᗩ ᕼᑌᗰᗩᑎ ᗷEIᑎG ᖴOᖇ 4 YEᗩᖇᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ GOIᑎG Oᑎ, I ᗯᗩᑎT TO ᑕᖇY ᗩᑎᗪ I ᗯᗩᑎT TO ᗪIE. I ᖴEEᒪ ᒪIKE I ᗩᗰ ᖴᗩKE ᗩᑎᗪ ᕼᗩᐯE ᑎO ******* ᖴᖇIEᑎᗪᔕ. ᗷᑌT EᐯEᖇYOᑎE EᒪᔕE ᑕᗩᑎ ᕼOᒪᗪ ᗩ ᑕOᑎᐯEᖇᔕᗩTIOᑎ ᗯITᕼ Eᗩᑕᕼ OTᕼEᖇ, ᗷᑌT ᗯᕼEᑎEᐯEᖇ I ᔕTᗩᖇT ᗩ ᑕOᑎᐯEᖇᔕᗩTIOᑎ TᕼEY TᖇEᗩT ᗰE ᒪIKE ᗩ ******* ᑕᕼIᒪᗪ. I'ᗰ 18 YEᗩᖇᔕ Oᒪᗪ, ᗩᑎ ᗩᗪᑌᒪT ᒍᑌᔕT ᒪIKE YOᑌ, ᗷᑌT I ᔕTIᒪᒪ ᖴEEᒪ ᒪIKE ᗩ ******* ᑕᕼIᒪᗪ. I'ᗰ TIᖇEᗪ Oᖴ ᗰY ᒪIᖴE, I ᕼᗩᐯE ᑎO IᑎTEᖇEᔕT Iᑎ ᗩ GIᖇᒪᖴᖇIEᑎᗪ ᗩᑎᗪ ᗪO ᑭᒪᗩᑎ Oᑎ ᗷEIᑎG ᔕIᑎGᒪE ᗩᒪᒪ ᗰY ᒪIᖴE, ᗷEᑕᗩᑌᔕE I ᗪOᑎ'T ᗯᗩᑎT TO ᗷE ᗩ ᗰIᔕEᖇᗩᗷᒪE ******* ᑭᗩᖇEᑎT ᗩᑎᗪ ᕼᗩᐯE ᗩ ᗪEᔕᑕEᑎᗪᗩᑎT Oᖴ ᗰE ᗰᗩKE ᗰY ᒪIᖴE EᐯEᑎ ᗰOᖇE ᕼEᒪᒪ Tᕼᗩᑎ ᗯᕼᗩT IT ᗩᑕTᑌᗩᒪᒪY Iᔕ.

ᗰY ᗩᑎ᙭IETY ᖇᑌIᑎEᗪ EᐯEᖇYTᕼIᑎG, IT ᕼᗩᔕ TᗩKEᑎ ᗩᗯᗩY ᗰY ᖴᖇEEᗪOᗰ, IT ᕼᗩᔕ TᗩKEᑎ ᗩᗯᗩY ᗰY ᗪᖇEᗩᗰᔕ, IT ᕼᗩᔕ TᗩKEᑎ ᗩᗯᗩY ᗰY ᑭᗩᔕᔕIOᑎ ᖴOᖇ ᗯᕼᗩT I ******* ᒪOᐯE, ᗩᑎᗪ ᕼᗩᔕ ᗷᒪEᔕᔕEᗪ ᗰE ᗩ ᗪEᑭᖇEᔕᔕIOᑎ GᗩᒪOᖇE!

I ᑕᗩᑎ'T TᗩKE TᕼIᔕ ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE. I ᖴEEᒪ ᒪIKE ᗩᒪᒪ ᗰY ᖴᖇIEᑎᗪᔕ ᗩᗷᗩᑎᗪOᑎEᗪ ᗰE, ᗩᑎᗪ I'ᗰ ᔕOᖇᖇY ᖴOᖇ ᗩᗷᗩᑎᗪOᑎIᑎG YOᑌ! ᗰY ᗩᑎ᙭IETY ᕼᗩᔕ KEᑭT ᗰE ᔕᕼY ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴᖇOᗰ TᗩᒪKIᑎG TO YOᑌ, ᗷᑌT Iᖴ OᑎᒪY ᗰY ᗩᑎ᙭IETY ᗯᗩᔕ GOᑎE, I ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ ᔕᑭEᑎᗪ ᗰY TIᗰE ᗯITᕼ YOᑌ, ᗷᑌT ᗩᒪᒪ ᗰY OTᕼEᖇ Oᒪᗪ ᖴᖇIEᑎᗪᔕ ᗩᖇE GOᑎE. ᗪO YOᑌ ᖇEᗰEᗰᗷEᖇ ᖇOᗰᗰEᒪ ᕼE ᗯᗩᔕ ᗩ GOOᗪ ᖴᖇIEᑎᗪ Oᖴ ᗰIᑎE ᗩᑎᗪ ᑭᒪᗩYEᗪ ᗩᑎ IᗰᑭOᖇTᗩᑎT ᖇOᒪE Oᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ, ᗷᑌT ᕼE ᒪEᖴT ᗰE. ᗩᗷᗩᑎᗪOᑎEᗪ ᗰE! ᒍᑌᔕT ᒪIKE ᗩᒪᒪ TᕼE OTᕼEᖇᔕ! ᗯE ᕼᗩᐯEᑎ'T ᔕᑭOKEᑎ TO Eᗩᑕᕼ OTᕼEᖇ Iᑎ 4 YEᗩᖇᔕ. ᖇEᗰEᗰᗷEᖇ TᕼᗩT GᑌY ᑎᗩᗰEᗪ ᖇOᗷEᖇT, ᕼE ᒪEᖴT ᗰE. ᑎEᐯEᖇ ᖇEᔕᑭOᑎᗪEᗪ.

I ᗯᗩᑎT TO KIᒪᒪ ᗰYᔕEᒪᖴ, ᗷᑌT I GᖇEᗯ ᑌᑭ ᖇEᒪIGIOᑌᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ I ᗪOᑎ'T ᗯᗩᑎT TO GO TO ᕼEᒪᒪ. ᔕO I ᖴIᑎᗪ TᕼIᑎGᔕ TᕼᗩT ᗰᗩKE ᗰE ᕼᗩᑭᑭY, ᗷᑌT I'ᗰ ᔕᒪOᗯᒪY ᖇᑌᑎᑎIᑎG OᑌT Oᖴ TᕼOᔕE ᖇEᔕOᑌᖇᑕEᔕ. ᗪO YOᑌ ᑌᑎᗪEᖇᔕTᗩᑎᗪ! I'ᗰ ᖇᑌᑎᑎIᑎG OᑌT Oᖴ TᕼEᗰ, TᕼEY'ᖇE ᗩᒪᒪ ᔕᒪOᗯᒪY ᗷᑌᖇᑎIᑎG ᗩᗯᗩY ᖴᖇOᗰ ᗰY ᔕOᑌᒪ! I ᗯᗩᑎT TO ᖇEᔕT Iᑎ ᑭEᗩᑕE, ᗷᑌT I'ᗰ ᗩᖴᖇᗩIᗪ Oᖴ TᕼE ᗩᖴTEᖇᒪIᖴE, ᗯᕼY ᑕᗩᑎ'T I ᒍᑌᔕT ᗪIE ᗪᗩᗰᗰIT! ᗯᕼY ᑕᗩᑎ'T I ᒍᑌᔕT ᗪIE Iᑎ ᑭEᗩᑕE, ᒪIKE I ᗯᗩᔕ ᑎEᐯEᖇ ᗷOᖇᑎ. ᗯᕼY ᗪO I ᕼᗩᐯE TO GO TᕼᖇOᑌGᕼ ᗩᑎ ETEᖇᑎITY Oᖴ EᐯEᑎ ᗰOᖇE ᔕᑌᖴᖴEᖇIᑎG! I'ᗰ ᗩᒪᖇEᗩᗪY ᔕᑌᖴᖴEᖇIᑎG, ᗯᕼY ᗪO I ᕼᗩᐯE TO GO TᕼᖇOᑌGᕼ IT EᐯEᑎ ᗰOᖇE, Iᖴ TᕼᗩT'ᔕ TᕼE ᑕᗩᔕE... Tᕼᗩᑎ I'ᗰ ᗩᒪᖇEᗩᗪY Iᑎ ᕼEᒪᒪ, TᕼIᔕ ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ Iᔕ ᒍᑌᔕT TᕼE ᖴIᖇᔕT ᔕTᗩGE Oᖴ IT.

ᗰY Oᑕᗪ ᑕOᑎTᖇOᒪᔕ ᗰE, ᗯᕼIᑕᕼ Iᔕ ᗩ GIᖴT ᗰY ᗩᑎ᙭IETY ᗩᑎᗪ Iᔕ IT'ᔕ ᖇIGᕼT ᕼᗩᑎᗪ ᗰᗩᑎ. ᕼE ᑭᒪᗩYᔕ ᗩ KEYᖇOᒪE IᑎTO ᗰY ᒪIᖴE, ᔕᒪOᗯᒪY EᗩTIᑎG ᗩᗯᗩY ᗩT ᗰY ᔕᗩᑎITY. ᗷᑌT I ᕼᗩᐯE ᑎO ᔕᗩᑎITY, I'ᗰ ᗩᗰ ᑎOTᕼIᑎG ᗷᑌT ᗩ ᐯOIᗪ. I'ᗰ GOIᑎG ᑕᖇᗩᘔY. TᕼE ᗰEᗪIᑕᗩTIOᑎ ᕼᗩᔕ ᒪEᖴT ᗰE, ᕼᗩᔕ ᒪEᖴT ᗰE TO ᔕᑌᖴᖴEᖇ, TᕼEY ᗪIᗪᑎ'T ᗪO ******* ****!

TO ᑫᑌOTE Kᗩᘔ ᖴᖇOᗰ ᗰETᗩᒪ GEᗩᖇ...

Kᗩᘔ ᗯᖇOTE

ᗯᕼY ᗩᖇE ᗯE ᔕTIᒪᒪ ᕼEᖇE ᒍᑌᔕT TO ᔕᑌᖴᖴEᖇ

EᗪIT I ᗯᗩᑎT TO ᑭᑌT ᗩ Gᑌᑎ Iᑎ ᗰY ᗰOᑌTᕼ ᗩᑎᗪ ******* Eᑎᗪ IT. Eᑎᗪ ᗰY ᔕᑌᖴᖴEᖇIᑎG. ᗯᕼY ᗪIᗪ GOᗪ ᑭᑌT ᗰE Oᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᑭᒪᗩᑎET ᒍᑌᔕT TO ᔕᑌᖴᖴEᖇ”

Original post has been converted to a custom font to prevent being found on any search engine. Interpret this post at your own sake.

I had finally decided to reveal my true colors at that point, putting myself in a spot that I had never been in before, showing my flaws and vulnerability as well. After I wrote that self-venting post, I exited out of the thread and visited other threads that he had posted in as well. Most of the posts that were left by J were the usual, hello and greetings, and others were posts that I missed over the course of several months, such as his levels and etc. However, one thread that was posted on the forum caught my eye. It was a thread titled, “ᖴᑌTᑌᖇE ᑭᒪᗩᑎᔕ”. It was August 11th, 2018, and he posted this,

ᕼEᒪᒪO ᑭEOᑭᒪE. Iᗰ ᑎOT ᔕᑌᖇE ᕼOᗯ TO ᑭᑌT TᕼIᔕ Iᑎ ᗯOᖇᗪᔕ, ᗷᑌT... I ᗪOᑎT ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ ᗰᗩKE ᒪEᐯEᒪᔕ ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE. I ᕼᗩᐯE ᖴᑌTᑌᖇE ᑭᒪᗩᑎᔕ, ᗷᑌT ᔕIᑎᑕE Iᗰ ᑭOOᖇ IT ᗯIᒪᒪ ᗷE ᕼᗩᖇᗪ TO ᗩᑕᕼIEᐯE TᕼᗩT. I ᕼᗩᐯE ᖴOᑌᑎᗪ ᗯᗩYᔕ TO ᔕTᗩᖇT ᖴOᒪᒪOᗯIᑎG TᕼE ᖇOᗩᗪ TO IT, ᗷᑌT I ᕼᗩᐯE TO ᔕᗩᑕᖇIᖴIᑕE ᔕOᗰE TᕼIᑎGᔕ (ᔕO I ᔕᗩᑕᖇIᖴIᑕEᗪ ᒪEᐯEᒪᔕ, TᕼO Iᗰ GOᑎᑎᗩ ᑌᔕE TᕼEᔕE ᒪEᐯEᒪ ᗰᗩKIᑎG ᔕKIᒪᒪᔕ ᖴOᖇ ᗩ ᒍOᗷ Iᖴ I ᖴIᑎᗪ IT ᖴOᖇ ᔕOᗰE IᑎᗪIE GᗩᗰE ᗪEᐯEᒪOᑭᑭᗰEᑎT TEᗩᗰ Oᖇ ᔕOᗰETᕼIᑎG ᒪIKE TᕼᗩT). I ᗩᒪᖇEᗩᗪY ᒪOᔕT ᒪOTᔕ Oᖴ TIᗰE ᗷEᖴOᖇE (ᔕTᑌᑭIᗪ ᗰE) ᗩᑎᗪ I ᗪOᑎT KᑎOᗯ ᕼOᗯ TO ᗪO ᒪOTᔕ Oᖴ TᕼIᑎGᔕ. Iᒪᒪ ᔕTIᒪᒪ ᗷE ᕼEᖇE, ᗷᑌT I ᗯOᑎT ᗰᗩKE ᒪEᐯEᒪᔕ ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE TᕼO. Iᒪᒪ ᑭOᔕT ᔕOᗰETᕼIᑎG OᑎᑕE Iᑎ ᗩ ᗯᕼIᒪE. ᗰᗩYᗷE Iᒪᒪ ᗪO ᗰY ᔕTOᖇIEᔕ Oᖇ ᔕOᗰETᕼIᑎG.

ᗷTᗯ I ᕼᗩᐯEᑎT ᔕᗩIᗪ TᕼIᔕ ᗷEᖴOᖇE. YOᑌ ᑕᗩᑎ ᑌᔕE ᗰY ᒪEᐯEᒪᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ ᑭᖇOᒍEᑕTᔕ Iᑎ YOᑌᖇ EᑭIᔕOᗪEᔕ Oᖇ ᗯᕼᗩTEᐯEᖇ, ᒍᑌᔕT GIᐯE ᑕᖇEᗪIT. I ᕼᗩᗪ ᑭᒪᗩᑎᔕ ᖴOᖇ ᒪOTᔕ Oᖴ OTᕼEᖇ ᒪEᐯEᒪᔕ, ᔕIᑎᑕE I ᑭOᒪIᔕᕼEᗪ ᗰY ᔕKIᒪᒪᔕ, ᗷᑌT ᕼEᕼ, I ᗪOᑎT ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ ᗪO TᕼIᔕ ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE. YOᑌ ᑕOᑌᒪᗪ ᗩᒪᔕO ᔕᑌᑭᑭOᖇT ᗰE Oᑎ ᑭᗩTᖇEOᑎ (TᕼᗩTᔕ ᗯᕼᗩT I ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ ᔕᗩY ᗷᑌT I ᗪOᑎT ᕼᗩᐯE IT ᗩᑎᗪ I ᑎEEᗪ ᗩ ᗪEᗷIT ᑕᗩᖇᗪ Oᖇ ᗯᕼᗩTEᐯEᖇ Yᗩ ᑎEEᗪ ᖴOᖇ IT ᗩᑎYᗯᗩY). ᔕO YEᗩᕼ... ᗯIᔕᕼ Yᗩ ᗩᒪᒪ ᒪᑌᑕK ᗯITᕼ YOᑌᖇ ᒪIᐯEᔕ. ᗰIᑎE ᗪEᖴIᑎETEᒪY Iᔕ ᕼᗩᖇᗪ ,ᑕᑌᘔ YOᑌ ᗪOᑎT KᑎOᗯ ᗩᑎYTᕼIᑎG ᗩᗷOᑌT ᗰE (E᙭ᑕEᑭT ᖴOᖇ TᕼIᑎGᔕ I ᗪIᗪ ᕼEᖇE ᕼEᕼ ᔕᗩᗪ ).

ᗰᗩYᗷE Iᒪᒪ GET ᗷᗩᑕK TO ᗪOIᑎG ᒪEᐯEᒪᔕ ᗷᑌT... ᑎᗩᕼ.... ᕼᗩᖇᗪᒪY.......

ᔕᗩYOᑎᗩᖇᗩ ᖴOᖇ ᑎOᗯ.

ᑭ.ᔕ. ᗪᗩᗰᑎ Iᖴ OᑎᒪY I ᑕOᑌᒪᗪ ᗯIᑎ TᕼE ᒪOTTEᖇY Oᖇ ᔕOᗰETᕼIᑎG..............ᑎᗩᕼ..........

ᒍEᔕᑌᔕ77755 ᕼOᑭE YOᑌ ᗩᖇE ᗪOIᑎG ᗩᒪᖇIGᕼT...ᗯIᔕᕼ ᗯE TᗩᒪKEᗪ ᗰOᖇE.. ᗷᑌT YOᑌ ᗩᖇE ᑎEᐯEᖇ ᕼEᖇE..

Original post has been converted to a custom font to prevent being found on any search engine. Interpret this post at your own sake.

I responded to his post, knowing the fact that I don’t go on my forum very often, and did the usual greeting, saying how I missed him and everything. I haven’t seen this guy in a long time and I was surprised at the time how devoted this guy was to stick with me for so long. I wanted to make him feel welcome as much as I could due to my absence on the forum, and I want to make up for all the days I missed him. In that same post, I mentioned something about an indie game that I was working on as well and that I wish him luck on his journey to become a game developer as I wanted to achieve my dreams as well. He responded with this…

“ᗯEᒪᒪ..I ᗯIᔕᕼ YOᑌ ᒪᑌᑕK ᗯITᕼ IT ᗰ8. TᕼO, Iᗰ ᑎOT ᗰᗩKIᑎG ᗩᑎY GᗩᗰE. I ᗯᗩᔕ TᕼIᑎKIᑎG ᗩᗷOᑌT ᒍOIᑎIᑎG ᔕOᗰE TEᗩᗰ ᖴOᖇ ᒪEᐯEᒪ ᗰᗩKIᑎG, (ᗰᗩYᗷE EᐯEᑎ ᔕTOᖇY ᗰᗩKIᑎG) ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴOᖇ TEᔕTIᑎG. TᕼE OᑎᒪY TᕼIᑎG Iᔕ ᗯᕼEᖇE ᗩᑎᗪ ᕼOᗯ TO GET ᗩᑭᑭᒪIEᗪ. TᕼO YEᗩᕼ I ᕼᗩᐯE OTᕼEᖇ ᑭᒪᗩᑎᔕ Iᖴ IT ᗪOEᔕᑎT ᗯOᖇK. ᗷᑌT Iᖴ ᗩᒪᒪ ᗰY ᑭᒪᗩᑎᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ ᕼOᑭEᔕ GETᔕ ᔕᕼᖇEᗪᗪEᗪ , TᕼEᑎ..... ”

“ᗷᑌT Iᖴ ᗩᒪᒪ ᗰY ᑭᒪᗩᑎᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ ᕼOᑭEᔕ GETᔕ ᔕᕼᖇEᗪᗪEᗪ , TᕼEᑎ..... ”

Seeing that for the time made me began to worry about this guy, as I had never seen him in this type of light before in my life. I began to go through his other posts. J wouldn’t do this, he wouldn’t say anything like this, and red flags began to go up everywhere after seeing this. I was at my desk wondering what’s going on, what’s happening, he looks like he was about to go crazy. As I ventured through the forum, I found out he made other posts on the forum, one of them being posted at an earlier date, around June 28, 2018, giving us a scenario if he were to leave the forum, this is what he would do…

“I ᗩᗰ ᑎOT ᗩᑕTᑌᗩᒪᒪY ᒪEᗩᐯIᑎG, ᗷᑌT YOᑌ ᔕᕼOᑌᒪᗪ ᖇEᗩᗪ TᕼIᔕ,ᖇEᗩᒪᒪY...

I TᕼIᑎK TᕼIᔕ ᑭOᔕT ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ ᗷE GᖇEᗩT ᕼEᖇE, ᔕO I ᗯᗩᑎTEᗪ TO ᗰᗩKE TᕼIᑎGᔕ ᑕᒪEᗩᖇ.

I ᗯIᒪᒪ ᑎEᐯEᖇ ᒪEᗩᐯE TᕼIᔕ ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ, EᐯEᑎ TᕼO OᑎᒪY ᗰE ᗩᑎᗪ TᕼE ᗩᗪᗰIᑎ ᑭOᔕT ᗩᖇOᑌᑎᗪ ᕼEᖇE..

ᗷᑌT, Iᖴ I ᗪOᑎT ᑭOᔕT Oᖇ ᑕOᗰE ᕼEᖇE ᖴOᖇ ᗩᗷOᑌT ᗩ YEᗩᖇ, ᑕOᑎᔕIᗪEᖇ ᗰE ᗪEᗩᗪ.

TᕼE ᖇEᗩᔕOᑎ I ᔕᗩIᗪ TᕼIᔕ Iᔕ I ᗪOᑎT KᑎOᗯ ᕼOᗯ ᗰY ᖴᑌTᑌᖇE ᗯIᒪᒪ ᗷE. I ᗩᗰ ᗩᑎ᙭IOᑌᔕ ᗩᗷOᑌT IT ᗩᑎᗪ I ᗩᗰ ᑭᖇETTY ᗪEᑭᖇEᔕᔕEᗪ (YEᗩᕼ I ᕼᗩᗪ ᗪEᑭᖇEᔕᔕIOᑎ ᗷEᖴOᖇE (EᐯEᑎ TᕼO I ᗯᗩᔕ ᑎOT ᗩᗯᗩᖇE Oᖴ IT ᖴOᖇ YEᗩᖇᔕ) , ᗷᑌT ᑎOᗯ ITᔕ GETTIᑎG ᗷIGGEᖇ ...ᗷᑌT ᑕOᗰᑭᗩᖇEᗪ TO OTᕼEᖇ ᑭEOᑭᒪE TᕼIᔕ Iᔕ ᖴIᑎE...ᖴOᖇ ᑎOᗯ..).

I ᗯᗩᔕ ᗷOᖇᑎ Iᑎ ᗩ ᑭᖇETTY ᔕᕼITTY ᖴᗩᗰIᒪY ᕼEᖇE, ᗷᑌT I ᗯOᑎT GIᐯE ᑌᑭ. I ᗪOᑎT KᑎOᗯ ᕼOᗯ, ᗷᑌT Iᒪᒪ GO ᖴOᖇ ᗩ ᗷETTEᖇ ᖴᑌTᑌᖇE, ᗷᑌT ᔕTIᒪᒪ....IᗪK...

I ᗯIᒪᒪ ᔕTIᒪᒪ ᗰᗩKE ᒪEᐯEᒪᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ ᔕTᑌᖴᖴ ᕼEᖇE.

Iᖴ I ᗪO ᒪEᗩᐯE ᗩ.K.ᗩ. ᗪIE ᒪET TᕼIᔕ ᑭOᔕT ᗷE ᗩ ᗰEᗰOᖇIᗩᒪ Oᖇ ᔕOᗰETᕼIᑎG ᒪIKE TᕼᗩT IᗪK...

ᗩᑎᗪ ᒍEᔕᑌᔕ77755 TᕼᗩᑎK YOᑌ ᖴOᖇ TᕼE ᗷEᗩᑌTIᖴᑌᒪ ᗰEᗰOᖇIEᔕ Oᖴ TᕼIᔕ ᑭᒪᗩᑕE ᕼEᖇE..I ᕼᗩᗪ ᖴᑌᑎ ᗷᗩᑕK TᕼEᑎ ᕼEᖇE...I ᗪOᑎT KᑎOᗯ ᕼOᗯ ᗩᖇE YOᑌ ᕼOᒪᗪIᑎG ᑌᑭ, ᗷᑌT I ᗯIᔕᕼ ᗯE TᗩᒪKEᗪ ᗰOᖇE (ᗯE OᑎᒪY ᗪIᗪ ᗩ ᖴEᗯ TIᗰEᔕ TᕼO).

ᗩᑎᗪ ᗩᒪᔕO TᕼᗩᑎK YOᑌ ᗩᒪᒪ ᖴOᖇ ᖇEᗩᗪIᑎG TᕼIᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴOᖇ ᑭᒪᗩYIᑎG ᗰY ᒪEᐯEᒪᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ ᔕTᑌᖴᖴ... ETᑕ ETᑕ.

ᗩGᗩIᑎ I ᖇEᑭEᗩT I ᗩᗰ ᑎOT ᒪEᗩᐯIᑎG ᑎOᗯ, ᗷᑌT Iᖴ ᔕOᗰETᕼIᑎG ᕼᗩᑭᑭEᑎᔕ TO ᗰE ETᑕ ETᑕ.... YOᑌ GET TᕼE ᑭOIᑎT

”

Original post has been converted to a custom font to prevent being found on any search engine. Interpret this post at your own sake.

Shortly after reading this, as I’m typing this right now, I just realized that this would go on to be the last shred of innocence to ever come from this guy, as I would stupidly shrug this off as just another post like he did multiple times in the past, being oblivious to months to come of what would go down to unfold in the future. The cute and optimistic J is lost, in a void forever, as he remains as a frozen memory. It’s only going downhill from here. This post right here, outlines J’s last breath, his last breath of hope, a still image if you will, of a lamb of innocence, seconds away from being sacrificed, it’s blood being shedded right in front of my eyes…

Literally around 10 days later, I got a response from him, saying how much he sympathized with me and he knew how I feel, so he decided to offer a deal with me. He said through any platform, he wanted me to talk to him, whether it be on the forum chatroom (because my forum had a chat box at the time), or Facebook chat, or whatever. I hesitated for a bit, as my anxiety began to kick through the roof, I immediately had flashbacks to my friend Andrew, as we used to chat with each other for hours online, and you already know how that turned out, so I was suspecting that he might turn out to be another Andrew. I bit the bullet, and responded saying that I will chat with him, but I didn’t know what platform I should use to chat with him, as I don’t use social media that much.

For around a few days, I was trying to find a platform to use to chat with him; I felt like he was holding my time and leisure hostage at that moment, and then I suddenly had another flashback. I remember the time that I interacted with Gilly, as I used to chat with him via the Steam chat box. You could write a message or voice chat. I informed my friend J that I’ll comply, and I would use Steam to chat with him. I remembered writing all of this, when I decided to comply with him, and I felt so uncomfortable at the moment. This was the moment that I got to meet another creep, another weirdo on the internet, and while my past so called "friends" were then discovered to be creeps as well, that was all due to ignorance, while contrasted here, I was already aware, and I could smell the bullshit from many months away to come…

I gave him my Steam ID, as at the time I wanted to keep it private, but eventually I managed to get over my hesitation, and gave it to him, and then I waited for a reply then again. He responded and said that he couldn’t add friends because he doesn’t have $5 in his Steam account, which of course, he created a new account for this specific purpose. So I figured that I was fucked at that moment. So I looked up online (remember, I didn’t want to do any of this, but because I wanted to be “nice”, so I decided to give in) on how to add friends on Steam. Come to find out, people who have less than $5 can’t add friends on Steam, but those with more than $5 worth of games in their account can add friends that don’t have $5 worth of games in “their” accounts, so I asked him what his Steam ID was, as I found a solution to the problem, and he provided his.

After inputting the ID into the Steam ID database, it wasn’t showing up, and Steam was telling me that they couldn’t find the ID that I’ve specified. So of course, another week went by, and at this point, I was fucking sweating, I really didn’t want to go through this, because for one: I didn’t want to have my time held up at gun point; and two: I didn’t want another Andrew or Gilly on my hands; so I tried to be as calm and collected as I can. About a couple days go by, and he made a mistake, realizing that he sent his alt-name, so he sent me his actual ID name and I entered it in the database, and Steam recognized the ID name and I sent him the friend request. So, all I had to do was wait at that point, do other things and whatever to kill time.

It was around 12 o’clock in the afternoon, some days later after I’d made that post. This was around November, I think, and during the time I was still trying to recover from that “PS5MasterRace” guy, trying to get it out of my head (remember I was trying to grow thick skin at the time, as I thought my job, and the fact I have to deal with shitty customers would help me become a stronger person); I was practicing in Game Maker Studio. Now, if you don’t know, there’s a difference between Game Maker Studio, and Game Maker Studio 2, you see, the first version I used as a kid was Game Maker 8, and after that, Game Maker Studio came out. Watching a lot of Game Maker tutorials at the time, I saw people mostly using Game Maker Studio, as it was a whole lot simpler, and was modelled after Game Maker 8, just with a black skin. Well, I managed to find a free download to Game Maker Studio at the time, obtaining a copy that didn’t require a key to open the program, and I did this for one reason. The interface in the GMS2 is fucking confusing. I’m serious, what were they thinking with this? GMS2 has this huge interface, chalk full of buttons which opens fucking windows, and you have to wait for fancy animations to play in order to open a new window in the resource tree, it’s fucking confusing and disorienting! GM8, and GMS was so simple, you had a resource tree on the left side of the screen, click on the thing you want to open, and there it was, instead of this huge palette of windows that you have to constantly drag the screen around or zoom out and zoom in, to get where you have to go. Most times when things get so complicated, I have to close all the windows and reopen the windows I use primarily, which is fucking bullshit! So I used GMS instead, so I can better translate my studies to the tutorials I was watching at the time.

Well anyways, I began to create one of those prototypes that I hope I would get somewhere and not fail just like the other fucking prototypes, as I was creating the player to program with and walls/blocks that he would collide with. As I began to test the game to see if it would work, I then got a message that popped up at the bottom left of the screen. Seeing this for the first time caught me off guard, and I nearly shit myself. I would never expect him to get with to me sooner. I checked to see who it was, and come to find out, when you chat with someone in Steam, the program opens the fucking chat window right in front of you, regardless if you have 10 windows opened on top of it.

So I begin to check with him, greeting him as usual and we would begin to chat. I don’t remember what I said to him at the time, but our friendship was beginning to truly grow from that point forward. Our conversation started off very warm and welcoming and he was very nice and spoke innocuously at first. I introduced myself and he did the same as well, and shortly after, I said that I was currently working on this game and that I might not have enough time to chat with him, as I’m trying to learn and study GML; and that I also had to go to work. He hesitated to agree with me, but he eventually was understandable.

As he began to reply more and more, I began to notice something different about him, as I got to personally know his character. He kept talking like a 4channer. Like literally, half of the replies that he made are literally something a 4channer would say, things like ⓚⓔⓚ,“ⓡⓔⓔⓔⓔⓔⓔⓔⓔⓔ”, and, “ᑎOᖇᗰIEᔕ”. All of those words are something people usually say on 4chan, like on /b/ or the /r9k/ board. I’d begin to fear chatting with him, as I thought he has become one of those neo-Nazis that have been on the rise recently, especially considering the fact that this is literally one year after what the alt-right did in Charlottesville, so I would begin to feel more and more uncomfortable.

Shortly over time, I would reveal to him that I’m mixed-race, being of Asian descent, and the other half of me being American. I did this for two reasons, one: to test whether this guy was a neo-Nazi or not; and two: because my friend Gilly revealed to me years before that he is of German descent, and that I thought I would do the same as well. I thought he might judge me because of my mixed race, considering the fact that these neo-Nazi groups are on the rise and I didn’t like the idea of going through another segregation period at the time. Surprising, despite all his 4chan like responses, he actually accepted me for who I was, as he sees no harm in that. I breathed a huge sigh of relief, as I wanted to get that out of the way.

Many months from then on, it’s just the same thing; every single day, just rinse and repeat. Get home from work at around 4 in the evening, sit in my chair feeling tired and everything, and then talk with him about what I went through at work. I would recount all the events that I had experienced at work, whether it be something with a customer or just telling him what I’m eating in general. As usual, most of his responses were always ⓚⓔⓚ, and I didn’t like the fact that he kept using such 4chan-type lingo, but overtime I dealt with it.

On the weekends, we would most often discuss our likes and dislikes about things from games, to movies, but mostly video games. I had my dislikes as well, and I would discuss how I’m fed up with the stupidity of my country, and how people older than me are acting like fucking children, but that’s another story. Around this time, this is when J would fully reveal his true colors and the more he would reveal the real side of himself, the more I began to feel sympathetic towards him. He would talk about his country and how much he hates it with a passion, and how his people are nothing but disgusting pieces of shit.

I won’t reveal where he lives because privacy and all that, but let’s just say he lives somewhere in Europe. In that country, he tells me how much he hates seeing people walk and breathe in that country and always refer to everything as “bootleg”, which according to him, basically means that people don’t take whatever they do seriously over there. He would also talk about how there were many barbaric wars in the past as well, and how much he hates the people who occupied his country, as the country used to apparently be “Greece”, at one point. Other times he would discuss his personal life as well, talk about his family, and that’s about as far as I’ll go in terms of privacy.

As I read all of this, and the more and more he began to post things like this, the more I would become very sad, and I began to connect closer and closer to him every single day because of that. I was so sympathetic towards him that I wanted to literally fly out all the way to his country and bring him back here to the States where I live. Our friendship had become so close, that he was almost beginning to become like a brother to me.

As time went on, he would post soundtracks to all the games that he likes to listen to, and I would listen to them, and then I'd post the tracks I like as well. You can tell so far into reading this that we’ve been really close at this point, and there were no signs of our friendship stopping anytime soon. I was beginning to think that he might become just as good as ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝, and I even considered making him moderator of my forum at some points, but considering the fact that my forum is dead, there is no point in doing so.

However, throughout the latter-half of 2018, I began to notice how he’d began to become very “obsessive’, with me… As we chatted more and more on the daily basis, he’d began to discuss things about how he wanted to move in with me, even to the point where he wanted to sleep with me, and we could be brothers forever. He kept talking about how he wanted to stay with me, and that he could be adopted as a family member. I thought this was slightly creepy at the time, and of course, by today’s standards, because I’m older, it’s really fucking creepy, but back then for some reason I didn’t mind it. I wanted red flags to go up in my head, but it didn’t, because I thought that maybe, just maybe, out of all the human scum that lied to me like Gilly and Andrew, there might be some redeeming qualities with this guy.

He would also say things like, “You are the reason why I am still alive!”, and he over the months would become very demanding, to the point where he would like harass me and go crazy if he didn’t spend time with me, but because I was so naïve back then, I didn’t see any harm in spending time with someone that I had never met, yet even seen before in my entire life, so I obliged and gave in. At this rate, I began to be fully invested in this guy. I had finally gotten out of my comfort zone and wanted to do anything I could to comfort him. When he posted rants, I would be there, when he posted about his life grievances, I would be there, and considering the fact that I was still going to work at the time, had to manage my time for studies as I was still in college at the time, I began to feel like a parent at one point. I began to wonder if I’m starting to learn what responsibilities are.

However, over time, his demanding behavior began to get fucking worse. There are days where I had been absent from the computer, due to my work schedule or a quiz that I had to take for college, and because I was absent for even 2 to 3 fucking days, he would go fucking mental. He was getting to the fucking point where I began to owe him my time, for something that he doesn’t have to experience! He didn’t have a job and still doesn’t have one now, and all he did was sit down all day and whine. Why I continued to come back to him still puzzles me. So, I did something, and pulled a lie on him, me thinking that he’s really that naïve to fall for it; I tricked him into thinking that I got hacked, and that I would be away for a couple days, maybe to teach him that sometimes, people have hiccups in their lives at some points, and that you can’t have them value their time and spend their's with you everytime.

So, I did something that a hijacked account might do and I began posting what might look like spam messages. I began, typing random messages, such as some being with random letters, like this,

“iosajoviwuejafk09je9uwjdjoif984hgjye8vf9kwqldfkvio jfnuibehv9j8ewikdfjhb78fu98fjerui9fhiudsjokljvoijdaiojuirbhg387qvj2km90n9ub3rqhno”

And other's where I would go on Google translate and started pasting random phrases in different languages, some being Russian, other being in Japanese and Chinese. Over time, my friend began to go mental and was dumbfounded what the hell was going on, it was just like that one episode in SpongeBob, where SpongeBob made a joke about squirrels, and Sandy Cheeks began to teach him a lesson, by giving him a taste of his own medicine. My friend began to ask me if I’m okay and if I took my medication. Then, I did the final blow that really put the nail in the coffin, I went on Google, and began copying and pasting random articles from Wikipedia, literally copying and pasting the longest article that I could find into the Steam chat box, and then my friend left and then said, “Okay see you tomorrow then.”.

After seeing that, I began to chuckle to myself, realizing that this guy was just as naïve as I thought he was, and to this day, he still believe that the incident that happened on my account was real! I even told him, in a, sane-manner, that my account got hijacked, and he actually believed it, I’m not fucking kidding, he actually took the bait! However, sadly, that didn’t stop him from being childish and for many days to come, he would continue to spend his time devoted to me and put so many hours into chatting with me. As he would go on the become more demanding of my time and trying to hold them hostage, I began to realize that he has not learned his fucking lesson. He was just as childish as ever. He kept pestering me to chat with him and he would go mental if he didn’t talk to me, and this had me thinking… This is a fully grown adult, around my age (I was 19 at the time), and he’s still hasn’t learned about responsibility at that age, and I began to wonder if this guy was retarded or something. Well it makes sense, he constantly calls himself retarded, often.

So I finally decided to comply. I decided to talk with him more than ever, and I even pretended to miss him, even though I faked my hijacking for five days to get a laugh out of it. He did the usual “yay’s”, and "heys", and what not, and I just rolled my eyes as he did so. This continued into the rest of December, all was going good, and I would finally give him a chance, and for real, at that moment, I was serious, I wanted to actually spend time with him for good. I would keep on doing it, putting so many hours into chatting with him, to the point where, mostly on weekends, I would come to realize that this guy had fully taken away my time as a human being to live on this planet Earth, as our chat sessions would literally last from fucking 7 in the morning, all the way to 5 in the evening (American time zone).

Looking back at all of this, I realized that this was insane, and I never thought I would sit in front of a computer all day in the same spot, chatting with someone for fucking 8 hours straight! How the fuck did I get to being so bored at fucking work (I worked half-time by the way, because of college) and sitting in college for many hours where I anxiously wanted to go home and rest, verses sitting at my computer for the same amount of time, if not even more! As he chatted with this guy, he literally didn't move a muscle. Literally that’s his entire day job. No schedule, no fucking time limit, no, he spent all day doing this, constantly, all in one setting! I must have my priorities mixed up.

So, we chatted as usual, going into January. I remember it being New Years Eve, and we discussed what our New Years resolutions were going to be. He said the usual, that he’s too retarded to have a resolution, while I stated my resolution: I was going to work on my indie game project and get it off the ground for good. He then talked about how New Years doesn’t matter, because his country is shit, and that every second that passes, hopefully their demises come sooner. As usual, just something that J would usually say, so I laughed it off and then continued with discussing other things.

As 2019 rolled in, realizing that it was near the end of a decade, I began to have faith in myself and follow my New Years resolution. I wanted to work on my game, but considering the fact that my work was taking so much time out of studying for my college, and also the fact that my friend was taking up so much of my time as well, I had to manage my time carefully. Not too much happened on the 1st of January, as it was just normal like any other day, but it wasn’t until January 4th where I’d begin to realize something had changed in J, and that he didn’t seem right to me.

It was the 4th of January, and I had a rival with a coworker that I despised so much, I’m not going to go into too much detail here, but let’s just say she worked at the floral department of the store that I worked in. I hated her so much, just seeing her face, I wanted to fucking punch her in the fucking mouth, that’s how much hate I’d had for her. Just her face alone puts me in a bad mood. It literally said “fuck you”, in facial form. I remember chilling at my work, being the bagger for one of the cashiers, just having a good time. I had so many plans to do that day, and it was a beautiful sunny day at that, something that where I live, during the beginning of the year, that’s a rare occurrence.

Well anyways, I bought one of her flowers that day, and payed my hard earned money for it, and I took it in the backyard and burned it. As I went inside, satisfied with the deed that I had just committed, I walked in my room to check on J, and was going to brag to him what I had just done. He was offline that day, and I thought how weird that was, because normally, he would be online, always seeking to chat with me all the time, but now, the one time I wanted to chat with him, he’s not there. Suspiciously, he would begin to go on for many days without being active, and this was surprising to me, something must’ve went wrong over there where he lived, so I just shrugged it off for a bit.

It was around I think the 7th or the 8th of January, and I just came home from work that day, and I went in my room and checked to see that J was finally online again. I decided to greet him and asked him how he’d been, I hadn’t seen him in a couple days, and he responded, saying the usual, how he was feeling at the time. All was going well, and we’d began to chat again, trying to get a conversation going with him. All went well, the conversation was going okay, however, slowly but surely, as minutes flew by, I’d began to notice that his replies were beginning to sound more cynical and shortsighted, and I began to wonder what happened to J, he wouldn’t talk like that, like he usually would talk before.

I began to reply with sentences that sounded sad and pessimistic, absent of the joyful, edgy, characteristic that J usually sported in the past, and he would just stay silent. I began to ask what’s wrong and he replied with, “nothing”. As I read that, I just tried to shrug it off further more and continue chatting with him. The more we chatted, the more I began to realize how out of character this guy was. Coming from the fact that I knew this guy was the destructive type, I suddenly remembered an incident that had occurred a few days prior, and decided to bring up the flower incident with J. I thought, talking about this would cheer him up and he might get a kick out of what I did. So I mentioned the flower incident to him, saying how that bitched deserved it and she was a fucking cunt, and then all of a sudden he made this 180 degree response…

“Well, first of all, ya wasted your money, and that money could’ve gone to something better”

Now, while that is true, you know, I did realize that I wasted my money, plenty of days before this conversation, however at that time, I thought it was worth it. This wasn’t the J that I knew and liked. J would never say something like that, he would always agree with what I had to say, and he would’ve probably encouraged it, but instead, the response that he gave me was out of character. So as usual, I began to feel aggravated a little bit and started to question if he’s feeling okay and that he’s been acting out of character as of lately, and then he made this unforgivable response…

“Sometimes, maybe I’m just in a pissy mood…”

Reading that was the final straw for me. I couldn’t believe this is the fucking thanks I get for spending my time with this guy, this guy was like a brother to me and I looked after this guy for many months, and seeing the fact that this is how he decides to fucking treat me, hands down, pissed me off, and I can’t believe I bent over all this time for him, only all of a fucking sudden, being an ungrateful prick.

So, I was upset, obviously, and I decided to take a break from talking to him, maybe to teach him a lesson, how pissing people off can cause them to break away from you. So I did just that… I went on a hiatus, deciding not to talk to him. I decided to just take a break from him altogether, breaking all contact with him, and just not interacting with him at all. At this point, I decided to just have fun and enjoy myself while I can and just come back to him when I feel like it, and maybe, just maybe, my friend would understand the concept of what respect and privacy really is.

It was around January 17th of 2019, and I had finally made the decision to check up on J, wondering what he had been up to, and as I began to check back on his profile, you know how my anxiety is, my heart would begin to race, wondering what his responses were when I left for so long. I thought the rational thing, that maybe he might be understanding and how it’s okay to take breaks from people now and then, you know, like an actual fucking friend would do, and not like a fucking marriage where you're chained to this guy, 24/7. So, I went on his profile after my profile have been offline for so many days, I decided to check on him. I went to the chat box, and literally, opening it up, the first thing I fucking see, is fucking messages like this,

“REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”,

“WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, WHERE ARE YOU ROGER!”,

“WHY WON’T YOU MESSAGE ME! WHY WON’T YOU ANSWER ME!” ,

“I’VE GONE MENTAL HEEHHEEHEHE, MENTAAAAAAAAAAL!”,

“OH NO, I’M GONNA DO IT! I’M GONNA DO IT! I JUST UNLIKED ONE OF YOUR VIDEOS ON YOUR CHANNEL! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”,

“OH NO, I’M GONNA DO IT! I’M GONNA DO IT! I JUST UNLIKED ONE OF YOUR VIDEOS ON YOUR CHANNEL! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”

I was in shock over what I had just read, I had realized that this guy is just exactly how I imagined him to be. A fucking selfish, self-centered, hypocritical fucking creep with no fucking remorse for anybody else, and all he cares about is him fucking self. After reading that last message, that was literally enough to remove him as a friend from Steam, and I went on my forum and banned his account, and then blocked him on YouTube. I tried everything I could, that I could think of, to break all contact, all connection with that guy for good, and I never looked back ever since. The fact that he would fucking betray me like that, and that he’s going to fucking call me childish on top of that, but yet what he’s doing, apparently to him, that’s fine and dandy! Get the fuck out of here J!

After that, I figured that at that point, you can’t trust anyone on the internet. Don’t trust anyone. I don’t know what it is about internet friends, but they always seem to have a stalking, and obsessive personality to them. From Andrew saying how he wants to do things with me, to Gilly, saying that he wanted to be in bed with me, but at least those people, they knew when to give it a fucking break! Gilly didn’t try to break down my door and try to get me to sleep with him, not in a million years buddy! Andrew at least knew when to leave things be! But not this fucking guy, this guy was nothing but a manipulative cunt, and he would go on to become that way for many years, further contributing pain to my psyche, and the slippage of my sanity, but that’s a story for another time…

Chapter 25: You Had One Job

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While I was on the subject that I had a job, now is the time that I can get more into detail into what it was like, from the feeling of having my first job for the first time, to many of the grievances that I am going to describe here, so prepare yourselves, this is going to be a wild ride, and what I’m going to describe you, has to be one of the most infamous sequences of events to ever happen in my life. Here is the story of the pure fucking hell that I had to go through with my job at retail…

Let’s rewind all the way back to the spring of 2018, it was about to turn summer that year, I had finally finished all my classes in high school, and I was up for graduation. I’m not going to mention what state it took place in or what school I went to, because that’s not important, but what I can say is that I finally feel accomplished, as I finally slain the 18 year war with the dragon, as I finally put it to rest. I can finally be able to have the ability to apply for most of the jobs that I wanted to get, as getting allowance money ain’t gonna cut it. It was time for me to look for another job.

Throughout the summer of 2018, it was a rough one for me, as that was during the time where I was the most bored I’d ever been. Throughout the remainder of 2018’s summer, I would do these three sequential things during the days of summer. Watch YouTube videos, do sprite work for my game and go job hunting. You see, I had lost interest in doing let’s plays for Reign of the Gatekeepers, as I found the episode boring and I felt no energy to continue on playing, and my commentary for the episode shows, so I decided to just take a break from all of that altogether.

In the meanwhile, I would be going job hunting everyday that had passed, because I really wanted to get that money, and I wanted to see my first ever paycheck come in the mail and this would be the first time I would get my money in the hundreds. Everyday, I strived for finally getting my own apartment for the first time, as I’m fed up with the restrictions of living at home with my parents, and I want to finally be free for once. Sadly, this is minimum wage we’re talking about here, so unless you have a roommate, which I’m not willing to do, that’s not gonna happen.

Everyday, I was applying for jobs, basically throwing darts at the wall, hoping one sticks, and of course, none of them called me back. I applied for places like Walmart, Target, Staples, BestBuy, Home Depot, Lowe’s, etc. None of them called back, which makes sense, you know, not every company is going to call you back immediately after the first application that you made, so I waited and waited. It was until around August or September of that same year where I finally got a phone call from one of the managers of who happened to be one of the places that I applied for just recently. I got a phone call from someone, and as someone who doesn’t answer phone calls that often, as I’m aware of those “Scam Likely” calls, I finally had the courage to give in. The person on the other end said that he’s from a local retail store, and he was saying how they’re interested in interviewing me, and if I’m ready accept their offer. My heart immediately sank in pure excitement, I didn’t hesitate to accept the offer and I would eventually show up at the scheduled date of the interview.

The day finally came, my very first interview ever in my life, and at that point, it was either a make it or break it situation, as this was probably one of the most anxious that I’ve ever felt in my life and I never thought I would come a long way to get this far, where I’m at the point that I would finally get a job! I remember looking up YouTube videos tirelessly on advice for getting through with an interview, and I tried to apply all those tips that I’ve received in the video. Then, the day finally came. The day that I would get interviewed by my boss. I tried not to think about the money at the time, ruling that out of the equation, and instead, what I tried to do was just be myself. I tried not to sound too forced or try to pretend that I’m interested, no for real this time, I wanted to genuinely work for the company, and help others out when they were in need.

Just like everyone else during an interview, I felt like a gun was being held to my head. I didn’t know if I was going to get the job or not. I calmly answered the questions that was given to me by my boss, answering them genuinely, putting myself in the shoes of a generous person who only cares about helping others when they’re down. It’s almost like being an actor at times. The very first question that was given to me was, “Why do you want to work here?”. Hearing that for the first time had me frozen, for a second, I didn’t know what to say, and then I finally had the courage to say something about that I wanted to help people bring the carts to their cars. After I got that question out of the way, other questions ensued, and my confidence had gotten the best of me, and I answered all of them confidently, though a little nervously too.

The boss then shaked my hand, and said that it was nice interviewing me and he hoped that I get the job. I felt almost like this bittersweet feeling of relief. Half of me wanted to fucking scream at this point, wondering if I screwed up during the interview, and the other half was just relieved that it was finally over, and that even though I didn’t get the job, at least my panic attacks are gone. I remember driving home, and can’t believe what I had just done in my life. I just got through my first interview, it’s up for time to tell whether I get the job or not.

‘

About a week later, I got a call from my work saying that I finally got the job, and in the back of my mind, when I heard that, fireworks had gone off in my head! I was like “Holy shit! I got the job! I’ve finally gotten my first job!” , and I almost wanted to jump! They asked me to come into their computer room and they wanted me to do several quizzes, and in my head, I was like, “Oh great, more quizzes, what if I fuck up!”, but even then, at least I’ve made it this far! Sitting at my chair, I did two hours worth of quizzes. But then the scary part came… Reading. Which is ironic, I basically typed a novel long document at this point, but regardless I was never a reader. I’m sorry, but like, my mind can’t remember what I just read, so trying to read massive paragraphs and being quizzed on what I read was a really fucking scary thing.

I’m not going to go over the quizzes in it of itself as it’s mostly common fucking sense at this point. It basically asked what you would do if you were a chef, or a maintenance worker. So basically, it was my common sense that helped me pass all the quizzes. After that, they told me to go home and come back next week and they would start orientation and then they will show me the ropes. I was so excited, as I couldn’t wait to finally start my first job. The first day of the job was simple, bag the groceries for the people and take them out to their cars. Simple enough right. At first, I didn’t know what groceries to put inside the bag, and which goes where, but over time, I began to pick up on it and I got good over time.

After a few weeks into having the job, I would go on to not only to get better at bagging groceries in general, but also I would get to meet new people as well. This is where the true nature of the story starts as the entire experience throughout this job is a mixed bag, but mostly, it’s a shitty mixed bag as well. Most of the people, (well, the baggers for the most part) starting out, were pretty nice, most of them welcomed me into the club, while others had this, “don’t get used to it”, mentality, which is to be expected.

As I went on to bag for the company for many days, and even months to come, I would never feel like I was welcomed by any of my coworkers, which is fine, some people just go to work just to do their job, but as I was continuing to put away the bags and put them in people’s carts, and seeing other people interact with each other, I began to feel lonely, and left out as usual. Where ever I go, I had always been treated like the black sheep of the bunch, and I was tired of being one, so I did like any other person would do. Getting to know people.

Everyday, I would see my coworkers always conversing with one another, whether it be someone walking in and they get greeted by almost everyone by the fucking store, to people getting holding conversations for hours on fucking end. As I tried to know everyone in the store, everyone always either hold a fucking two second conversation with me or just ignored me. This would go on to be a daily occurrence and as everyday passed by, I began to slowly smell the bullshit and I would get angrier and fucking angrier as every second went by.

Not only would I get fed up with the people that weren’t treating me as equal as everyone else, but I would even go on to make enemies at my work as well. Around the second week in of working at this job so far; one day, I was taking out the cart as usual, as I kindly bagged the groceries for this customer, and then I took the cart out as usual to this person’s car. After I was done loading everything in the trunk of their car, I came back to the store, and there was a huge fire truck in front of the store, so I had no choice but to go to the side of the truck where there was a ramp that lead sideways into the storefront. Well anyways, there was this woman who was watering these flowers, okay, pretty innocuous enough I suppose, I began to pace towards her, and noticed that the hose on the ground was in the way, so I politely asked her if she could move her hose and I can go through. She literally fucking sighed at me, and gave me a disgusted look. I got a disgusted look, even though I asked her “nicely”. This is when my hatred for her began to fucking grow, and I would go on to despise her, even to this fucking day.

Okay, so what? It’s just one person. Um, no, it’s EVERY FUCKING PERSON! Literally almost every fucking person in the store would have a fucking bias against me, either that they have this subtle prejudice towards me by avoiding interaction with me, or they would fucking nitpick every single fucking grocery that I would bag, and I’ll get into that. As you can tell, after about the first month and a half, I began to notice the flaws with the fucking store. Not a single person respected me ever since. I would always get talked down to, and get used by somebody else, or they’ll send me to take the carts from the other side of the store and bring it to the storefront! Almost to the point where it made me feel like they’re working me more than all the other employees in the fucking store!

And then you have the fucking customers. Let me discuss my history with those people. Like most other jobs, you know how people commonly complain that their boss are dicks, and of course, my ASSISTANT managers (not the managers themselves), were dicks, but I’ll get into that as well; well it’s the other way around. The fucking customers are the fucking assholes. They are the most bossy, most self-centered, pieces of fucking shit that I’ve ever dealt with. Literally almost every fucking customer that I bagged for always asked for paper, and if you don’t know, baggers are required to ask for paper or plastic, and of course, these fucking non-GMO, soy milk drinking normies always ask for paper, and that pisses me off! You wanna know why? Because the fucking bag breaks everytime you bag them. But not only that, you know how the fucking plastic bags have racks, where the plastic bags are suspended, well that makes it convenient for you to put items in those bags and take them out, and exchange them for another plastic bag, rinse and repeat; here, with fucking paper, they have it under the fucking desk, or on the side of the counter, and when you try to grab it, you have to fucking fight with the goddamn things to get them open. I had an easier time opening up lawn bags than opening up these fucking bags. On top of that, you can’t put too many items in there or the fucking bag will break, so in the end, if you have like fucking gallons of milk and you have no choice but to use fucking paper bags because the customers asked you to put them in there, you’re fucked! Fucked with an iron dildo dick up your fucking asshole!

And people take these fucking bags seriously, I’m not kidding, like I remember bagging for a customer and this guy was the most fucking pristine fucking guy that I’ve ever met in my fucking life. I remember bagging for a customer and one of my managers asked me to bag for this other guy that was at the checkout three counters across from where I was, and as I went to bag his groceries, of course, we all make mistakes, I forgot to ask if he wanted paper or plastic, so I just started bagging in plastic, which is my PREFERED method by the way, and then all of a sudden he said, “I asked for paper…”, and he said it in the most hateful, voice. After that he literally sighed, and the cashier had to take ALL the groceries out the fucking bag, ALL BECAUSE I DIDN’T PUT HIS FUCKING GROCERIES IN THE FUCKING PREFERED BAG OF FUCKING CHOICE! GROW THE FUCK UP, IT’S NOT THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD IF YOU DIDN’T GET YOUR FAVORITE FUCKING MATERIAL! IS THIS WHAT WE’VE COME TO? WHERE WE’VE COME TO THE POINT THAT WE’RE FIGHTING OVER A FUCKING MATERIAL OF A CERTAIN BAG!

I remember being in a fucking pissed off mood throughout work. I was so pissed off, I literally let people know that I wasn’t in the correct mood at that moment. Like literally, the entire day, I had a fucking angry frown on my face, to the point where some of the customers literally said that they’ll take it out themselves! Good, I’m glad you did that, because that was my fucking purpose, was to show people not to fuck with me! And this was not just one guy, I have had more problems with the fucking customers THAN THE FUCKING MANAGERS!

Another incident was when this woman showed up at my counter and she asked me to put the meat with everything else, and I literally told her that I can’t do that because it’s store policy to not put meat with other items like candy, or with bread. My fucking blood is boiling right now as I’m recounting this! She literally fucking said, “Fine, I’ll do it myself!”, and she started fucking BAGGING OVER THE FUCKING COUNTER FOR ME! I was literally sitting back, my fucking blood boiling, as I fucking sighed in fucking anger. I can’t believe I was a fucking cuck enough to follow this fucking bitch out to her fucking car to unload her shit in the trunk. She then explained to me that the car she was using was a rental car and that she can’t afford to have bags that would take up too much space. Even then, that’s not a fucking excuse to treat me like shit, you could’ve nicely fucking explained to me that you couldn’t afford to have bags take up space while we were at the counter, you didn’t have to fucking do it like that!

Then you have faggots that bring their own bags because apparently, paper bags to them is killing the environment as well, you know, global warming bullshit, and they are also the most pristine people that I’ve ever encountered in my life as well. Literally, they fucking dictate which item goes in what part of the bag and then they start fucking yabbling on about their fucking life and stuff with the fucking cashier, while my ass is struggling to get the fucking jars in correctly.

Then there’s customers who bring their fucking kids in the store, and they start whining, crying, or just being flat out annoying in fucking general. I remember trying to avoid these little shits, because for one, I hate fucking children. They are the bane of my existence. Like literally, every time I see a child in the checkout line, I would literally look for any other counter that’s available that a bagger hadn’t taken yet and just bag for them instead, because I don’t want my eardrums to melt on the way out by these crying fucking children.

While the customers were cancerous pieces of shits, the fucking coworkers are just as fucking bad, if not, worse. Not so much the baggers as much, as they’re usually quiet; except for a few, but mostly the fucking cashiers. For some reason the cashiers are the most bossy people that I’ve ever been around in my entire life, they will literally criticize and nitpick every, single little thing that you fucking do. I am going to go through a few of them, just to show how much of a fucking asshole they are. Not all of them, I managed to have one, that was very friendly and it’s a shame I didn’t see him anymore, but anyways, onto the point.

One cashier that I fucking despised was this black woman that I used to bag for, and she was the most annoying and nitpicky person that I’ve ever dealt with in my fucking life. She would fucking nitpick everything you do, to the point where it’s over trivial things like matching certain grocery colors with other colors, to certain bags being a certain weight. It got fucking ridiculous over time, and at points, I got even aggravated. She would fucking pick on me, even when I’m not bagging, and would all of a sudden ask me to drop what I’m doing so I could bag for her, so I can be her fucking lab rat to be experimented on. It got so bad, that I would actually, just like the children, avoid her like the fucking plague. Every time I see her presence, I wanted to punch her in the fucking face. I don’t know what’s her obsession with me; it’s like she does this to me literally more than any other fucking bagger in existence, it’s fucking bullshit! I would even see other baggers bag for her, and they don’t get any fucking flack, but I’m always to the one getting fucking flack.

Another thing that she fucking criticized me for is that I bag too fast, and she always tells me to fucking slow down, and that’s the fucking main things I hate about her so fucking much; and no, she doesn’t do it in a nice way, no, that would be too easy for her; she does it in a fucking self-righteous way, like, “Yeah, fuck you, let me show you how I do it”, type of way, and over time I would begin to avoid her like the plague. Gee, I wonder why I’m fucking bagging so fast? Maybe, because the customer have a million things in their fucking cart, buying fucking $500-$700 worth of fucking groceries, that I have to keep the fucking line moving! I would be here all fucking day, if I DIDN’T bag fast enough! You never thought about that, you dumbfuck?

And it’s not just when I bag for her, she even fucking harasses me when I’m not bagging for her, and this is a prime example of what I’m fucking talking about, and I’ll never forget the time it happened. I was in the break room, and my managers gave me a 15-minute break, and they told me to come back around like 12:30. I was sitting in the break room, just chilling for 15 minutes, and enjoying that time snacking on some candy bars. If you didn’t know, they had candy in the break room that day. I think it was like around Halloween or Christmas, so they usually have a big bag of candy. I’m not a candy person, but just to be nice, I picked just ONE pack of Butterfingers, just one. It was a big one too, but it was the first thing I picked, so... As I was sitting down eating the chocolate bar, in came that same black woman and I’m sitting back like, “Oh boy… Here it goes…”

As I was sitting down eating my bar of Butterfingers, I began to notice that the thing was so hard and stale, I wanted to throw it away, but I just kept eating on it just to be nice, and this fucking woman began to fucking criticize me and nitpick everything that I did once again. She kept telling me as I was sitting down, “That’s a lotta sugar, That’s a lotta sugar, Roger, That’s a lotta sugar”, literally over, and over, and over again! Yes, I fucking get it, that’s a lot of sugar, isn’t that fucking obvious! Then she began to become fucking showy, and as much I hate fucking liberals, she goes all out fat-ist, fatphobic, or whatever that fucking word is, and she starts insulting me by bragging about how she’s eating a salad and she decided to pick on me because I ATE ONE CANDY BAR! ONE FUCKING CANDY BAR, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!

Now, for those who didn’t know, I was standing up the whole time while she was telling me all of this, so you want to know what she then said next? She told me to sit down! Like literally, like she started to all of a sudden call the fucking shots! Last time I checked, fucking cashiers aren't the fucking managers, okay. Cashiers are supposed to be the same level as baggers, but no, apparently, they’re the same level as fucking managers! That was one of the things that I hated my job for the most, is that the fucking cashiers and managers stroked each other’s fucking dicks, but they never treated the fucking baggers the same! The fucking baggers in a way were treated like slaves, they were only there to be seen, not heard!

But, no! It gets even worse, and at this point, I wanted to fucking explode. I thought it was bad when she did that, but at this point, I wanted to fucking punch this bitch in the fucking face, because she was being a fucking cunt. Well, anyways, as I was sitting down, waiting for my, what could’ve been my break minutes to expire; I was sitting down as she was talking down to me like this, while being in a fucking cuckold state mind you, just taking it all in the fucking ass. Then the manager came walking in. She had a fucking burger in her hand as she was going to warm it up, and the black woman turned to her and started conversing with her, NOT MINDING THE FUCKING BURGER IN HER HAND! Here, she was fucking criticizing me, saying how unhealthy a fucking bar... IT’S A FUCKING BAR! ONE FUCKING CHOCOLATE BAR WON’T KILL YOU! AND EVEN IF YOU DID EAT CHOCOLATE, YOU CAN STILL EAT IT, BUT EAT IT IN MODERATION! BUT NO, THIS FUCKING BITCH HAD TO BE A VEGAN FUCKING FAGGOT. Well, anyways, she was talking to this fucking manager, even to the point where the manager was eating the hamburger right in front of her, not minding it at all and at this point, I began to feel like it’s a fucking double standard. My work is full of fucking hypocrites. They criticize me for doing something wrong, but when they do it, it’s fucking fine!

This black woman was the lowest level of blacks as well. Like the way she talked, is the type of lingo that black women use that makes me want to punch them in the fucking face. Like they talk like they’re being sassy or something. Like they talk like they’re some kind of uncle tom or something. Like something you would see on fucking TLC or fucking Madea, it’s fucking stupid! Every time I heard this fucking woman open her fucking mouth, I wanted to fucking punch her in the fucking face. Like she thinks she owns the fucking place, but in actuality she looks fucking stupid. I have a feeling that she’s not even being herself, and instead, she’s just a fucking wannabe.

I’ve had other cashiers that I fucking despise as well, and granted, they’re not as bad as this fucking rude bitch, as in they’re not fucking annoying, they still deserve a fucking mention here, because these people are the fucking opposite of that previous bitch that I've mentioned. These people are the most, passive aggressive, condescending pieces of fucking shit that I’ve ever met in my fucking life. So, as I’ve been saying, I’ve been a bagger, and as I’m telling you this, this would’ve been three months into my job so far, and as each month went by, my performance began to do better. I was bagging more efficiently, and I was doing my job correctly, and over time I began to put the correct items in which bag, and not putting the frozen foods with the dry foods, etc. Well, one of the cashiers that I worked for was this fucking fat, purple haired bitch, and she was literally a fucking asshole to me!

Really, I would fucking bag for this cunt, and she would be so nice, interacting with the customers, scanning the items for them and everything and here I am, fucking bagging everything, and she just throws everything at my way! Like literally, carelessly sliding the fucking groceries over from her end to mine, and I have to fucking gather everything and put it in my bag! Like, what the fuck is your fucking problem!? Are you on your fucking period or something! And as I began to bag for her, I began to fucking hate this bitch even fucking more.

Some of the other cashiers are picky as well, like for example, there was this fat, blonde bitch, I’m not going to mention any names here, so I’ll describe it to you. I swear to fucking God, also, literally everyone that I work with were the ugliest looking people that I’ve ever seen in my life, which I can understand, as you get older, you don’t look to good, but out of all the ugly fucking people that I’ve worked with in there, this fucking bitch had to be the fucking ugliest person I’ve ever seen. She literally walks like a fucking fat, sentient sofa, as if it were alive, and her face looked like a mix between Donald Trump and a fucking fish. Well, anyways, enough of descriptions, let’s get into it.

I was bagging for her and I was minding my own business and everything, and if you don’t know, the baggers usually hang out with the cashier, waiting for the next customer to ring up their items and shit. So I was hanging out with the cashier, and the customer showed up with their items, and I asked as usual, paper or plastic, and the person said paper. Again, my fucking braincells were murdered after hearing that, however over time, I’ve developed a method for bagging with paper. So, I was bagging for her, and I pulled out these huge stacks of paper, which, like I said were beneath the counter, and I would take one end of the tip of the bag, where the handle was, and I would just swipe the air with it, you know, so the bag can catch the air, causing it to open. Well, as I did that, she literally put her hand on my shoulder, and she told me, “not to do that again”. I was looking around, wondering what the fuck I did, and then as she explained herself to the customer, she said that she hates it when people do that, because apparently she’s a fucking pussy that can’t stand loud sounds, and that they startle her. Oh my fucking God, grow the fuck up, no one gives a fucking shit! I thought I must’ve did some kind of rude gesture or something, are you fucking kidding that you can’t stand to hear a loud fucking sound that you have to stop what they’re doing and cater to them? Well, anyways, thanks to this fucking bitch, my bagging method for paper bags had been ceased, all because of this fucking cunt.

Well, anyways, let’s talk about the worst fucking cashier, the fucking big man that I’ve been building up to for sometime now… These other fucking cashiers that I’ve mentioned here are fucking kindergarten level shit, this fucking guy, this fucking guy that I’m going to mention here, is the most passive aggressive, fucking cunt, that I’ve ever met in my fucking life. This guy has no remorse in his voice, this guy has no emotion, he is literally the most cold person that I’ve ever met in my life. Well, that’s pretty harsh, but you’ll see what I mean in a few minutes.

Well, first of all, this guy was a tall motherfucker, and I mean fucking tall. He had to be around 6’ something, and he was very slim built. He was very old as well, looking to be around his 70s, and I’m not kidding, he literally looked like Gabby Jay from Super Punch Out on the Super Nintendo, minus the mustache! That’s literally would he looked like, take out the mustache and that’s exactly what he looked like! He would also have this fucking cold tone to his voice, as every time he talked, he sounded like he hated his job or something. As I began to bag for him, he would be slightly aggressive towards me, even though I’m doing my fucking job. Meeting him for the first time and bagging for him, I thought he was a pretty chill dude, I had nothing against him at the time, and I got along with him just okay, however, just like all the other assholes in that fucking store, the grass wasn’t as green as I thought it would be. So for the sake of anonymity, I’m just going to refer to him as Gabby Jay, as that’s how he looks.

Working with him, he would be very neglectful, and careless about his surroundings, only thinking about himself and not about others. He would constantly, and carelessly, just like that purple haired bitch, toss items across the fucking counter, without any care put into trying to deliver the items towards me. No, he just carelessly tosses it across the counter, andgranted, not as aggressively as the purple haired bitch, but still, he seemed to have an attitude. He would also have this passive aggressive tone to his voice, and he would just nonchalantly, with no emotion and expression whatsoever, chastise me with short brief sentences like, “He asked for paper…”, and the more I bag for this fucking guy, the more I began to realize how much of a fucking asshole he is.

My experience with this guy was so fucking terrible. One instance was when a customer rang up their items, and for some reason, I couldn’t understand the customer, like the customer wasn’t clear enough, and he said that he didn’t want any of his groceries in the bag, because for some reason, he just wanted to have the groceries in the cart. I interpreted it as that, so I just let the items get rung up for me to put them in the cart, and this tall, Gabby Jay looking motherfucker is going to say, “Put the things in the bag”… Well, Jesus Christ, I didn’t know he wanted fucking paper, last time I checked, I could’ve sworn this guy said not to bag his groceries, it’s not my fucking fault that I didn’t put it in the fucking bag or not.

There was another incident where this guy, seemingly from Sweden, rang up his groceries, and if you don’t know, I love sushi, but the problem is, is that it was too expensive for me to afford, so I would wait for them to go on sale. Well, anyways, I told him, actually I even complimented him, saying, “So, you like sushi, huh? Man, I wish I could afford that.”, you know, an innocent joke in a way, because he had like five or six boxes of that stuff, and he literally turned around and told me to get a good education! I was fucking pissed when he told me that, but of course, you wanna know what makes it worse? This fucking old, wrinkled skinned, cunt is going to fucking agree with him, saying the usual, that this new generation of people are so uneducated. First of all, what the fuck does me not affording sushi, have to do with a getting a fucking education! Fucking classist piece of shit. I tried to hold it in, but as you can tell, after all these accounts of the fucking shit that I’m describing to you right now, I was getting angrier and fucking angrier as time went on.

I could go on and on about all the negative experiences with this fucking guy, like there’s something about him that just gives me the cold shoulder, but I’ll be here all day if I talked about all those experiences, so let's just move onto the fucking highlight of it all! The fucking thing that really pissed me the fuck off! One day, I was bagging for this old, shriveled up piece of shit, and one a customer showed up to the counter to ring up his items. This, seemingly nice guy who look to be in his 30’s or 40’s, who was with his wife, started a conversation with this guy and they were talking for what seemed minutes, so I asked him if he wanted paper or plastic. He asked for paper, stupidly enough. I was bagging for this guy, and everything was going fine. I forgot what it was, but I think the item was either too big, or too heavy, that I couldn’t fit it in the paper bag. I was standing at the counter for what seemed like fucking five minutes, just going at each other, and I ignored the heavy item on the counter, and began to bag everything else. After I bagged everything, you would think that those two would’ve cut the chatter by now? NO, THEY’RE STILL FUCKING TALKING! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!

Literally, for five fucking minutes, they still kept talking! And every time, as the fucking customer is talking, he would have this dumbest fucking smile on his fucking face, like “DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH”. And that’s another problem with the cashiers here in the fucking store that I worked at, they’re too talkative! Literally, they would fucking hold up the fucking line for almost fucking five minutes, yeah because a conversation matters more than the fucking groceries that i'm about to buy, waiting to be provided for my family. So, I managed to break the conversation and I asked the guy, and he literally exclaimed with, “What!?”. I was set aback a little, after what I just heard, and I then asked if he wanted paper or plastic, and he literally fucking said, “Just put it in the paper bag, man…”, as he sighed, continuing his conversation with this fucking old cunt. That was fucking it, at that moment, my fucking blood began to fucking boil again, I began to lose my mind! I was so pissed off, I didn’t care if he was an elder or not! This guy had to be the most selfish fucking cunt began to lose my mind I’ve ever met in my fucking life, no fucking redeeming qualities whatsoever, no fucking remorse, no understanding of people on their end, all he fucking cares about is himself, and it’s sad to see, that this fucking guy is still working there at that time, this sad miserable fucking cunt has been working for a while. If this is how he fucking acts around me, then I hate to see how he acts around his fucking family, because this guy has no fucking emotion, he’s very fucking flippant and arrogant, and he’s very fucking haughty. Fuck this Gabby Jay looking motherfucker!

Oh, but this is just the beginning. I haven’t even gotten into the managers yet! Now granted, I never had any bad experiences with them or anything like that, especially the big managers themselves, since most of them are very nice, except for a fucking few that I hate, but since the positives balances out the negatives, I’ll let that slide, I’m not talking about them. No, I’m talking about these fucking, front-counter, young, pizza eating, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, assholes that literally spend all day doing absolutely nothing, while everyone else does the fucking work.

For example, since we were baggers, we usually hung out by the cashier or stood out by the front counter. Literally, I could already tell, throughout majority of the day, these fucking, I don’t know what you would call them, assistant manager? Anyways, these fucking assistant managers would literally do nothing but play around and fucking crack jokes and everything while we fucking slaved our asses off trying to help the fucking customers, it’s fucking unfair! And then, they criticize you for fooling around themselves, again, this fucking store is full of fucking hypocrites, and I’ll get into that.

They are so fucking incompetent, they can’t do anything to save themselves. I’ve seen fucking people literally file a complaint at the front counter and they’re so incompetent, they don’t even know how to fucking refund a receipt. If they wanted to refund something, they would literally get the higher ups because they’re too busy fucking around. I know that they’re “assistant” managers, and usually it’s the big boss that responds to those types of problems, but still, you could at least do something! Maybe if you didn’t fuck around and stop twiddling your thumbs all day, maybe you might be able to do something like that. And I’m a very watchful person, and literally I hear them in the back of me as I’m standing, waiting for the next customer to come in, and all I hear them talk about is what movie they’re going to watch and what they’re going to do when they get home. The only thing I see them do all day is write people’s schedules and tell you when it’s break time. Oh yeah, and apparently, you’re not allowed to ask them if you can go home, because they literally told me, that I go home when they feel like it! Fucking hypocrites.

And finally, let’s get the fucking elephant in the room out the way, the baggers themselves. Thankfully, the only decent experience I had with this whole job were the baggers. They weren’t fucking assholes, except maybe one, but overall I would even become friends with some of the baggers. It’s like we already know that we’re fucking troglodyte tier people in the store, so might as well hump each other… I don’t mean that in a faggot way, I mean, just… Just forget about it… So, anyways, I got along with many of the baggers there. There was a really cool dude that I've conversed with at the time I had my morning shifts, and we would converse with each other and man, he would just talk with me for hours until a customer would show up.

It’s like he was the only person that actually gave a shit about me. Like, literally, every other person in the store avoided me like the plague, and especially after those accounts that I just mentioned, I was not being accepted by any of the other coworkers. They all had some sort of bias against me, like they avoided talking to me, but this guy would always be the first person to look forward to talking to me, and our friendship was growing over time because of that. I was beginning to like talking with him and we would discuss things, our favorite likes and dislikes as well, and just basically killed as much time as we could. I don’t know about you, but I like slow days to be honest, because it’s usually like in the morning, when there’s hardly any customers, where it’s finally peace and quiet.

Well, of course, just like anything else, there’s always that one spoiled rotten apple to ruin the whole bunch. There was a tall guy who I’ve met, and I’m not going to say his name, in fact, I get fucking PTSD every time I hear it or mention it, so that’s for the better. This fucking guy was a tall ass motherfucker. I’m not kidding, like this guy was almost as tall at the fucking baby tree that I have, growing out side my fucking window, that’s how tall this motherfucker was, and for some reason this guy walked with a limp, I know I shouldn’t make fun of disabilities, as I think that’s wrong, as I believe everyone with disabilities deserves a chance, but this guy literally had to have the biggest dick in the world, I’m not kidding. His fucking jeans that he wears, the fucking crotch area looked like it was about to touch the fucking floor.

Well anyways, I’ve always had a hard time making friends with this guy throughout the lifespan of my career. I met this guy for the first time, and I’ve gotten bad vibes from him. I don’t know why, but something about him just doesn’t feel right, like I feel like he was going to stalk me or something. I didn’t get to know him early in my career, until it was around the time that I quit my job. I just ignored him, and I didn’t see anything special in him, just a guy that wanted to be my friend. But as you can tell, he didn’t bring anything new to the table, he would just shake my hand and say that he’s my friend. I know that he’s a foreigner and I won’t mention what country he is from, but let’s just say he was a foreigner, so don’t call me racist, that has nothing to do with that.

Over the weeks, he would start to become obsessed with me, and every time he came in, he would always try to fucking greet me, and remember, this was a fucking TALL dude! Like I’m serious! This fucking guy had to be like around 6’2 or 6’3, that's how tall this motherfucker was, and every time he would go on to shake my hand, his hand would literally engulf my entire hand whole, and for those who don’t know, I’m 5’9, so use that as reference. Due to the description of his height, I’m just going to refer to him as Goliath. So Goliath was a fucking forcible dude, like he always like to barge in unwarranted for no reason, and I just felt so awkward because of that.

The purpose of making friends is to bring up conversations with them, and try to make them sound interesting and more lively, that’s how you get friends (which is ironic, I've already applied those things, and I still never had friends, but I’ll get into that in a bit). He would throughout my entire career, falsely claim that he's my friend; and tell everyone else, “I’m his friend!”, without any reason whatsoever, and I’m like, “sure…”. It’s like the feeling you get when someone claims that they know Bill Gates, and they say that he’s their best friend and that they knew him for a while, even though in actuality, he only met him for like 2 seconds by accident, as he was walking out the building and exchanged a short, “Hello”, to him as he walked towards his car. That’s exactly the feeling I got when he tried to know me.

He had begun to become more intrusive, as he would literally follow me around the fucking store. This guy was so fucking obsessed with me, one time, I was clocking in to my shift, and as I was pacing towards the break room, he began to repeatedly shout my name, saying “Roger! Roger!”, over, and over again, and even after he said it, I literally fucking waved at him, like fucking waved to acknowledge that I heard the greeting, and I’m not fucking kidding! He literally dropped everything that he was doing, and he literally almost tried to block the doorway, as I was getting into the breakroom, and I’m like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy! So, I asked him, “What!?”, and he literally wanted to apologize for what he said to me, and i'm like clueless to what he's talking about, like, I didn’t even know what he’s talking about... So you mean to fucking tell me that you dropped everything that you've been fucking doing, just to tell me that you’re fucking sorry? I literally saw him, he was bagging like six-seven grocery bags at this point; I haven’t even clocked in worked yet, and was just seconds away from doing so, and you’re already clocked in, and the fucking managers are counting on you to finish your job... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING! WHAT WERE YOU FUCKING THINKING!?

After that incident, every time I go to work, I would become more and more paranoid with him. I used to go into the breakroom and I would look up the work schedule that was posted on the wall, and look up his name, just to see what day and what time he clocks in or not, just so I could fucking avoid him entirely. And just to be sure, I didn’t even go through the front entrance, fuck that, I actually would go to the side entrance of the store, and I’m not kidding, I would go all the way in the back of the store, where the fucking seafood and prepackaged meat was, as I went in this HUGE circle around the back of the store, and walk the long way there, until I reached the breakroom where I would avoid him entirely. Now, if I saw him in the breakroom, well I’m fucked…

When I do converse with him, usually after he started a conversation with me, he would make creepy fucking remarks that sounds like something a pedophile would make. I remember telling him about donuts, because he started a conversation with me, and asked him if he liked donuts. I told him my favorite donut store (which I wish I didn’t) that I always liked going to, and he began, out of the fucking blue, to offer taking me a ride to the local donut shop. I’m not fucking kidding, he literally told me to tell my mom to drop me off in front of the store and he’ll wait for me at around 8 in the morning, and he’ll buy me some donuts! This is a fucking, 6’3, almost middle aged man, with the biggest beard that I’ve ever seen in my life, telling me all of this. I declined of course, but he kept insisting! Throughout the entire day, I’ve become paranoid, because of that… First of all, if you think about this… Why the fuck, would I have my mother drive me down to the store, to get a random, 6’3 dude, to then DRIVE me to the donut shop, just for him to PAY the donuts for me!? Wouldn’t my mom do that herself? Just drive me to the donut shop, get my donuts, and I’m done, but no, you want me to waste gas, and go in YOUR car, so you could take me on a ride to some donut place, and buy donuts for me. Yeah, that doesn’t sound creepy at all… What were you trying to prove? Even if it was just two friends hanging out, first of all, I don’t know you, so that’s still fucking creepy! Like, I can understand if our friendship developed over the course of like maybe three or more years, then that might have happened, but from the forced greetings, to following me (which I will get to) around work, it’s not happening!

As time went on, I would continue to avoid this guy like the fucking plague, and remember this guy, as he will be important later to this story, because this guy would get fucking worse from there. It’s like being in a barrel of shit, and as soon as you think you would’ve climbed out of it, someone gets another barrel and pours more shit on top of you, burying you beneath the shit that you’re already in. Another thing that I’d began to catch about this guy is how this guy would just look at you for long periods of time. I’m not fucking kidding you, like even when I’m not talking to him, or when I break conversation to do something else, he would literally just sit back, and he would fucking stare at you for a long time. I’m like, what the fuck are you looking at, are you looking at my dick or something. And you can tell, it almost looked predatory, because, he almost has this hungry look in his eyes. I remember talking to him for a short while, and after we were done talking, he would literally just look at me the entire time, his eyes almost wide open, with his mouth hanging down, and here I would try to ignore it, and just focus my concentration on something else, but every now and then, I would look through my peripheral vision, and he’s still there, looking at me, like he wants some of that dick, and I’m like what the fuck is wrong with this person. Is this guy a faggot or something? Like what did I do?

As you can tell, all of these things, all of the elements that I’ve experienced over the course of, nearly half a year was becoming worse and worse over time. Nearing the end of my career at that place, I would’ve become not only very aggravated, but also purely fucking depressed and hopeless, and at some points, almost caused me to quit my job because of it, altogether. I’m not kidding, I actually nearly quit my job because of it. I remember the exact date that it happened too. February 1st, of 2019, I was fucking bagging for a customer who brought in her own bag, because you know, save the fucking environment and everything like that. So she brought in her own fabric type bag, and I began to bag for her. Mind you, she brought one bag, just one fucking bag! And she had millions of fucking groceries in her cart! I wanted to fucking scream because of that. Well anyways, she rang up her items, and one of my assistant managers at the time was standing behind the counter, and he was talking with her and everything, you know, how cashiers usually do, and also hold up the fucking line because of it.

So anyways, I was beginning to bag her groceries for her, and I fucking did the best of my fucking ability to bag her shit for her. I was so fucking nice enough to organize everything in a neat and orderly way, and she literally responded with, “I don’t like the way you’re bagging my groceries, can you please get another bagger?”. Hearing that, I was fucking dumbfounded, and I was like hold up! I asked her what did I do, and she just vaguely responded with that she didn’t like how I bagged her groceries. I was fucking pissed when she said that, and this was in front of the fucking manager! The last person you would want this to happen around, so he told me to go bag for someone else, and he said that he got this. I sighed and moved onto another counter. I tried to forget about that incident, and maybe that one customer was just having a bad day. So I tried to help this fucking tall old, Gabby Jay looking motherfucker as I mentioned before, and he said, “Don’t help me, I don’t need your help”, hearing this, further made me not only angry, but I began to feel fucking sad.

If you read into this chapter so far, I had been nothing but nice, generous, and fucking courteous to others, trying to not only be friendly with other people and have a smile on my face, but also to fucking help others in the fucking store, and if a single person can’t respect the fucking fact that I’m doing that, then why fucking bother. Why bother being fucking nice anymore? I remember, feeling so depressed, I literally went to my big manager, and wanted to have a talk with him. He was so nice to me and everything, because he’s apparently the one that has respect for baggers. Well I approached him and told him that I wanted to quit my job. Now granted, I didn’t know what a week’s notice was, so he told me that in order to file for unemployment, I needed to file a one week notice, and they said that they’ll look into letting me go around next week.

After going home, I was saddened by what had happened today as usual, people not wanting to accept me and everything. I was so devastated, it was the most depressed I’ve ever been, and my plan was to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes that day, and for those who don’t know, I was a smoker around then, so on days when I’m depressed, I would usually smoke almost half a pack. I began to regret what I’ve done but there’s no turning back now. People were so fucking ungrateful, I've been spat at, over every chance I've had to be helpful to those mean spirited people... I really didn't want to go back at this point, however my parents begged to differ as they tried to talk me out of it, telling me that I won’t be able to make anymore money if I do that. I told them about how why I should service such mean spirited people, if all they're going to do is mistreat me and talk down to me like a fucking child? As a few minutes in exchange of our conversations, I eventually had the balls to go back and keep my employment for just a little longer. So by such luck (or bad luck if you wanna call it that), I managed to have the nerve to call up my manager one day later. It was the evening of that day, I was sitting on my bed in a deep sweat, as I was thinking to myself long and hard, asking myself if this is the job I want to keep. Do I keep this shitty job to keep my salary afloat, and get mistreated at the same time? Or do I stay broke, and be at peace? I dialed the phone number, the same number that I was first contacted through to get hired by this shit heap of a company, and told him that I change my mind, and I apologized for such a hasty decision to leave so quickly, as I've decided to keep my position as a bagger for the company. I then asked them if they would give me another chance. Luckily the person on the other end gave me another chance, and I can have my job back again.

Looking back at this decision, I really regret doing that, because from that point on, that’s when my journey of being a bagger for the company would go downhill from there, and I’ve dug a deeper hole for my grave than ever before. Throughout the latter months of my career, I would begin to notice customers snatching things out of my hands, people not acknowledging my presence, constantly ignoring me and my needs, and people being overall fucking selfish in general, and overtime, I would get angrier and fucking angrier.

Around three weeks before me quitting, I would have accumulated so much fucking rage to the point where I would do personal rants on my phone, talking about my grievances with the company and how they’re fucking mistreating me at the workplace. One day, I was at work, working with this fucking tall old guy again, you know Gabby Jay over here, and of course, he was arrogant and flippant that day, and it got to a point where I was so fucking fed up with him. I then thought back to how I noticed that some of my coworkers who were once baggers had then switched positions, and have different careers, as some would work in the back of the store. So, I talked to the manager, luckily it was one of the nicer ones, and he told me to talk to the big manager of the company, and he might have some positions for me, so I was in luck! So, I went back to my work, and I waited until my shift was over and then all of a sudden, the one time I wanted to find this manager, I can’t find him, so great…

I went into the break room, and as I walked in, there they were, these young TMNT managers, talking about useless shit like nail polishes, and etc. I don’t give a shit. So, I approached them and asked them if they’ve seen the big manager of the store, and they literally responded with a certain kind of voice as if I asked a stupid question like, what color was the sky, or something like that; and they said in a creeped out voice that he was out for lunch. At this point, I began to realize that not only am I being used by the fucking company, but I’m also not being taken seriously that much.

The walls were closing in during my time working there, and I began to see everyone around me, talking to each other, shaking hands, and all the while not giving a shit about me, and I was getting so fed up with this shit… Month, after month; day after day; people were being just fucking assholes to me, and the managers weren’t taking me fucking seriously enough, just laughing their drunk asses off in the back of the fucking room, while they jack each other’s fucking dicks off; while I did the fucking dirty work for them. And then, the final nail in the fucking coffin. The final day, that really caused me to lose my fucking shit, to the point where I just couldn’t take it anymore…

It was the first Thursday, of the month of March of 2019, and that day was my personal doomsday. Literally everything could go wrong that day, and you want to know why. For many days prior to that event, you remember Goliath, right? Well, he would go on to stalk me since that incident for many days to come, and then one day he finally began to reveal his true intentions to me. He suddenly felt the need to announce what day he was working of the week, and he said that he was going to work again on Thursday, and I’m thinking to myself, why do you feel the need to announce what day of the week you’re working on? Like I said, I don’t know this guy, so the fact that this guy brought this up was out of the blue.

Well, anyways, I was at work that day, and I began to feel paranoid! Like seriously. The entire day, I began to look over my shoulders, just freaking the fuck out, eyeballing where Goliath would show up and begin to plan in my head where he would be headed and how I can avoid him. I sadly, had to make a complete ass of myself the entire day, as I’ve been acting really fucking weird that day, and it’s all because this guy couldn’t stop fucking following me. I’m dead serious, I remember hanging out in the back of the cashier, being in between the aisles and the cashiers, and this fucking guy would come fucking looking for me, and here I was, wanting the time to pass by so fast, I'd began finding ways to kill time.

Throughout the day, he would begin to notice where I was, and he would fucking call my name, because he couldn’t fucking leave me alone, he doesn’t know when to let things go, so he kept calling my name, and I would literally hide from him the entire time. Either going down the aisles, pretending to inspect them, doing anything just to get away from this guy. I would even pretend to move carts from the other side of the store and push them around the front entrance of the store. I was fucking bobbing and weaving, and I shouldn’t have to go through that. This guy would continue to follow me around the store, and I would continue to play games with him. You’re probably thinking to yourself that what I’m doing is immature, but you have to understand, I didn’t have the courage to talk to the managers because I’m afraid that I’ll damage his image as an employee, so I decided to keep my mouth shut about that, hoping that things would resolve itself. It got so bad that even one of the managers approached me and asked, “Are you on break?”, and I had to lie and say that I was just checking to see if some customers would show up from the back.

Then, finally, lunch break came, and I was so relieved, I finally can get some free time for once just so I can get away from this guy. So, then, you thought my day could get better right? Well, for those who didn’t know, I was a heavy smoker back then, as I used to go on smoking breaks during that time, and I would sit outside, watching the cars while I smoked, it was relaxing for me at the time, and I’ve been doing it for a long time, no one seemed to have an issue about that. I remember smoking two cigarettes out of my Marlboro Black, and as my time was up, as I got to get out of my seat and walk towards the garbage can, this woman, who I’ve seen work behind the cafeteria several times, started criticizing me, saying that I should not have smoke in public, even though there are other people doing it in the same spot that I was doing it in, and of course, me being the quiet person that I am, I thought to myself, well everyone else is doing it, why is there a problem with me doing it? Double standards again!

Alright, so all of that was kiddy shit, this is where shit and piss sandwich comes in. I paced back to where I was, and sadly Goliath was there, waiting for me, and he greeted me and everything, shaking my hand. I just thought to myself, you know, I’ve already been found out by this guy, I’m not going to even bother running from him this time, and just take the dick up the ass and to the face. This guy was like a fucking dog that just won’t leave you alone. Like, you know those friendly dogs that you see at people’s house, where they like to fucking run up and pounce on you, licking your face and everything, yeah, that’s this fucking guy, and it’s annoying and awkward. So, I get back, and he did his usual, "Hi, Roger (I want to suck your dick)". I didn't even respond to him and just kept doing to thing, then he added it up with a follow up question, "So what have you been up to". Knowing that i've been caught by this relentless cunt, I finally gave my response and stupidly told him I go to church on Sundays and love dressing up (Yeah, I was that kind of guy at one point), and then all of a sudden gives me another offer, all because I mentioned that.

This guy is like a fucking parrot, and I notice that every time I mention something, he would repeat that same phrase, as if he agrees with me, and then he’ll bring up said subject related to said phrase. He suddenly mentioned that he was going to this special event where they're going to throw a party at this restaurant, and then said that he had “plans” for me… I raised an eyebrow in confusion, and I replied, “What plans?”. At this point, red flags were going off in my head, I had never been so fucking scared and creeped out in my fucking life. He then said, that one day he would like to take me to a restaurant, and we can dine together, being dressed up in suits and everything. I was so fucking weirded out, I was like, how and why the fuck, are you offering me such a thing, especially this early on as coworkers ! I don’t know you, and I don’t want to know you, I don’t want to have anything to do with you! Why is this guy so obsessed with me? Like seriously, the fact that he’s being so nice all of a sudden, when he didn’t give a rat’s ass about me when I first signed up, and then just now, he just started hanging out with me, forcibly trying to put his foot in the door and violating my peace and personal space, is creeping me the fuck out!

Throughout snippets of the day after that incident, he would begin to open himself to me and reveal more about what happened in the past. He revealed that he had anger issues in the past, and that he made one of his coworkers breakdown in tears, over something that he did, and he was let go from work that day to cooldown. Then he said that he was a transfer from that same other store that he worked at, and that store transferred him here. Hearing all of this made me realize what kind of person this is. This guy was bad news, and I begin to wonder if I’m going to turn up missing on in the papers, and whether this guy had malicious intentions or not.

As I began to realize that it’s hopeless to run, I began to just take in all the bullshit he was feeding me. I realize that I have just a few hours of this shit before I can finally clock out. Aaand then this is where the shitstorm truly starts. I never expected it to get worse from there but here we are. It was around 4:00 p.m., and customers started to come in droves. I have never seen this many customers in the fucking store since the fucking holidays, but evidently they’re here for some reason, so, I began to try to keep up by getting the lines moving again, as I started bagging faster than usual, doubling my performance faster than ever before. As customers were coming in, for some reason, most of them kept asking for paper, and I began to get irritated because of that, as like I said, they hold up so much of your fucking time when you bag the fucking things, so time was on the fucking edge for me.

At this point, Goliath had already left, and there were so many customers that day, that my manager began to reassign the baggers to bag for different customers, that’s how many there were, and I was one of them. The cashier that I bagged for was the purple haired bitch again, what a surprise, and here’s where the fucking bullshit starts. The customer was with the cashier as I bagged all their belongings, and literally I already bagged everything, I was about to fucking leave and ready to go, and this fucking manager, this fucking blonde haired bitch is going to hold up the fucking line, I’m not kidding, I was standing with the cart in hand, waiting for this fucking bitch to finish her piece, but she just kept on fucking going to the point where the fucking cashier behind me literally tapped me on the shoulder asking me to take the cart out for her. I mean, it’s not my fault that this fucking bitch literally held up the entire line! So, after that essay long fucking speech that the fucking cashier gave to the customer, it was time for me to push the cart out the door.

As if it couldn’t get any worse, when I came back, literally, all of the fucking counters were occupied by the baggers, so there was one opening left, and of course, it had to be the fucking customer that had children with them, and not only that, but they were fucking toddlers! Fucking great, so I had no choice but to bag for the people with the most annoying children on fucking planet Earth. So, what went wrong here? Well first of all, at this point I was already aggravated and very irritated, so when I fucking asked them if they wanted fucking paper or plastic, guess what? They said paper… At this fucking point, I’m fucking fuming mad, combined with the stress that I’m already in right now, I started bagging as fast as I fucking could, also furiously at the same time. Behind my back, as I didn’t notice this at the time, I began to put the bags away. Little did I know, the fucking cashier stupidly put THE FUCKING CUPCAKES RIGHT WHERE I PUT THE BAGS IN!!! Meaning that instead of putting the cupcakes in the paper bag, he put it at the bottom of the fucking cart, which resulted in them getting crushed! Also, the fucking cupcakes were light colored, meaning that it fucking blended with the fucking floor color as well!

My coworkers were furious with me, and they then, falsely accused me that I fucking crushed the fucking cupcakes, even though it was the fucking cashier’s fault, again, putting the fucking blame on me. This was becoming a pattern, every time I tried to help someone, they always don’t need any help from me, or they put the blame on me, because I didn’t help enough. So, of course, my manager comes out and told me that she saw how I bagged and placed things in the cart, and then began to give me a lecture about how you don’t put fragile things at the bottom of the cart and how I didn’t use common sense. I then tried to explain to myself that it wasn’t my fault, the cashier put it there, and I couldn’t see it in the cart, and she told me it wasn’t a fucking excuse and that I should know better. Of course, I didn’t say anything, but on the inside, I was really fucking pissed! The culmination of everything that day, combined with this fucking Goliath looking motherfucker chasing me around the fucking store stalking me relentlessly and wanting to suck my dick, to the fucking cafeteria worker telling me not to smoke around other people, EVEN THOUGH THERE WERE TWO OTHER GUYS SMOKING IN THE FUCKING CHAIR WITH ME, and then now this! After going that horrible experience, it was too much for me.

My managers then dismissed me, and they told me to go home. I was then suspicious when I heard this. I went in the break room and looked at the clock, realizing that they dismissed me 15 minutes before the actual time I get off. I walked in the locker room, feeling depressed and shit, and I clocked out. I even told them my goodbyes and they didn’t wave or respond back to me, at that moment, I realized that I fucked up. I was standing outside the store, waiting for my parents to pick me up. I then called up my mom, and told her how horrible of a day it was and that I wanted to slit my wrists and kill myself, because I had a really shitty day, and my parents were really concerned about me when I said that. After minutes of talking me out of my depression and suicide, they then asked me if I really wanted to quit my job for good, and after a good long pause, me thinking if I wanted to quit or not, and at first I didn’t want to, thinking of the salary that was coming in my bank account, but after I added everything up, from the creepy fucking Goliath guy, to the smoking incident, to being falsely accused of smashing someone fucking cupcakes, for someone’s else’s fuck up, *COUGH COUGH* the cashier, *COUGH COUGH*; I decided to quit my job for good.

My parents drove me home as my dad gave me a lecture on how to handle situations like this and here I am in the back of my mind, anticipating what I was about to do as soon as I hit the front door of our home... I paced towards my room, as I decided to pull up the store's phone number and give them a call. I turned on my phone, went to my logs, and looked for the phone number that I’ve gotten a phone call from when they were offering me the job, and I called them up. My heart was racing, realizing that there’s no turning back now. I informed them that I would like to give them my one week notice, lying to them, saying that I got a phone call from another job that I was applying for, and saying that they've hired me. They told me they can’t fulfill my one week’s notice through phone, which is fucking stupid, so they asked me to go BACK to the store instead, and write my one week’s notice there.

I got my parents to drive me back to the store, and as we pulled up in front of the store, I got out of the passenger side door, walking to the front sliding door. As I was approaching the front desk, I was shocked to see that there were a lot of people there, literally fucking lines filled up the entire fucking store. So, as I was in the sea of a crowd of people, I was at the help desk, and I asked for the person that talked to me over the phone. The person that talked to me over the phone finally came out, and she handed me a blank piece of paper. I’m not fucking kidding… A blank fucking piece of paper. No form or anything… So, I had to write everything with a pen, confirming my one week notice. Are you fucking kidding me that your form of filing a one week notice, is through A FUCKING BLANK PIECE OF PAPER! What the fuck is this, kindergarten? There was no preprinted form, or they didn’t ask you to send it through email, or type it out and print it yourself to give it to them, nothing. It was literally a blank piece of fucking paper. I felt like I was in kindergarten when I was doing this.

So, I handed them the paper and I was free to go, they’ll let me know when I get my final paycheck and I was FINALLY FUCKING FREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so fucking happy, as millions of tormented brain cells had just been freed from my body! I don’t have to deal with these fucking people anymore. No more Goliath, no more black woman who would fucking harass me every single day, no more stupid fucking managers being flippant fucking assholes, nothing! I don’t even have to see that fucking Gabby Jay guy anymore, I was finally fucking free for once! It was like being a fucking constipated turd that’s been stuck in someone’s asshole, and it’s finally been released into the fucking toilet of fucking freedom.

Granted, I still had one more day on my schedule, but I didn’t care, because as long as I don’t have to go to that shitty fucking place, that’s all it fucking matters. So, I wake up the next morning, sadly having to go to work again for one more day, and granted I was tempted to just not show up altogether, but realizing that it'll get me fired sadly, I did not want that on my resume. So, I went back to work, and I didn’t let a single person know that I had fucking quit. Not a single one. I didn’t want anyone to remember me, I wanted to just be a fragment memory, forgotten and frozen in time. I wanted to fade away into obscurity, never to be seen or heard from again. I wanted my existence to be considered a myth, to the point where my very name would be a myth. I wanted my fucking name and existence erased from the database, and I didn’t want to have anything to do with this shit ever again!

So, I went to work the next and final day, and that final day was a Friday. Luckily it was one of those 4 hour shifts, which was great, because the less hours I have to put up with this shit, the better, spares me the fucking shittiness. So, as I worked throughout the entire day, and of course, the morning was really slow, I then came across my friend... No, not that other “friend”, my actual friend. The guy that I would normally interact with during the mornings. We were having a fun time talking with each other, and I would try to pretend that everything that had happened yesterday, had never happened this day. At this point, I was trying to kill as much as I can, so I can get the fuck out of here. I began to pretend to be friendly as ever, being so happy that I don’t have to deal with this fucking shitshow anymore, to the point where it became an endurance round. At this point, it was turning into a fucking countdown, as I tried to kill as much time as I possibly can.

Throughout the day, it was generic, and of course, there were still the same assholes behind the fucking counter, laughing and just fucking around as usual, talking about random shit that I don't give a fuck about. I was taking my time, because I had nothing to lose when I leave this shitty place. I went back to bagging for people, being overly nice to them than before, because I wanted to make this day makeup for the shitty day I had, the day before. I wanted this day to be my very last day, as I’ll never see these people again. The customers throughout the day, starting out weren’t as bad, and I was having some fun with them, taking the groceries out to the car as usual and bagging paper for these normie fucking customers. However, it wasn’t until around 3:30 p.m. when I was bagging for one of the cashiers, and the cashier was chatting with this woman who had rang her items up.

I checked her cart, having and taking my sweet fun time trying to get the groceries prepared for her cart, and in it was those fabric bags again. I didn’t mind those bags that much as at least it’s better than those stiff fucking paper bags. While she was talking with the cashier about random everything things, I began to “nicely”, bag everything for her. Keep in mind, I did it “nicely”, for her. As I began to bag everything, putting everything neat and orderly, taking my sweet ass, slow ass time putting everything in the bag, and by that time, the customer had finished talking with the cashier, and it was then left to me to finish the rest. As the cashier left to do something else, the fucking customer literally did the unthinkable. Like seriously, what this fucking woman did to me, was the final straw that broke the camel’s fucking back. She fucking sighed. No, not just a normal sigh, no, a fucking disgusted sigh, and I’m not kidding! She literally took everything out of the fucking bag and started rebagging everything.

When I fucking saw that, a fucking sea of furious emotions had fucking swept me, that’s it, I CAN’T FUCKING TAKE THIS FUCKING SHIT ANYMORE! I’m fucking serious, this fucking ungrateful bitch, after the fucking fact that I out of the kindness of my fucking heart, bagged everything for this fucking cunt, putting all the fucking groceries neatly inside the fucking bag and everything, she’s going to fucking sigh and rebag it for me? FUCK YOU! I wanted to fucking tell this woman to go fuck herself, granted, I didn't want to get fired over that, but because I was fucking pushover fucking cuck, the most I could do was fucking walk away, and I just let her do everything herself. As usual, like every other day, I was fucking shaking. Shaking so fucking violently. I wanted to literally storm out of the fucking store, and give the middle finger, saying, “FUCK THIS PLACE”.

I remember prancing around frantically, trying to hold in my fucking anger at this point, but because it was 15 minutes before I would leave the fucking place for fucking good, I let it slide, because at least I’m 15 minutes before fucking freedom, and I don’t want to get fired on the last fucking minute. Around the very last minute, as I was bagging furiously for everyone else, having a fucking death look in my eyes, wanting to fucking kill the next person I see, the only kind word that I were to ever receive in my entire fucking career, working there, was, “Only 5 more minutes, you can do it buddy!”. I was frozen in shock, as I looked at him blank in the eyes for a brief second... “Did you… Did you just care about me… For one second… You mean to fucking tell me, that out of all the fucking days that you could’ve fucking cared about me, it would be on the last day before I leave work?”, I thought in the back of my head, while my hands were doing the work. Hearing that being said to me, echoed immensely in my head, everything that contrasted with my ideals had just exploded, nothing made sense to me at that moment.

As I was trying to process what he just said to me, and that someone had felt a sense of empathy for me for fucking once, I then heard my name being called out. It was the manager, the nice one this time, you know the big man. He told me that it’s time for me to go, and I couldn’t be any fucking happier! I waltz into the breakroom, happily entered my fucking clock-out number, and I turned in my nametag, slamming it carelessly against the front counter as I happily stormed out the fucking storefront, as I saw the sun illuminate the streets, everything before me, becoming brighter than ever before. I felt like I was walking free from a prison. For once, I actually felt fucking freedom, and to the fullest of it's capacity, as I saw it through my eyes, heard it, and smelled it all at once.... As I entered the car, my dad asked me how was work, and the first thing I replied with was, “Well, at least I’m not a slave anymore…”.

THIS JOB IS A FUCKING ANALFUCKING PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT! I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN A PLACE IN MY LIFE WHERE I HAVE BEEN THIS FUCKING DISCRIMINATED AGAINST SO FUCKING HARD! LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THE FUCKING STORE IS FUCKING INCOMPOTENT, FLIPPANT AND ARROGANT PIECES OF FUCKING SHIT! THEY COULDN’T REFUND A FUCKING RECEIT TO SAVE THEIR FUCKING LIFE!

Careless customer service, poor management, flippant managers that don’t give a shit what’s going on, fucking people that would hold up the fucking lines for fucking hours talking about stupid, useless shit, stupid people asking for paper, stupid people bringing in fucking bags, ungrateful fucking cunts that are the most pristine pieces of fucking shit that will fucking defend their right to use fucking paper if it’s the last thing they do, stupid cashiers, annoying cashiers, annoying fucking coworkers that boss you around to no end, only to aggravate you even more, and fucking stalkers that won’t leave you alone, and fucking take up so much of your fucking time!

I should fucking sue the fucking store that I worked at for nearly half of the fucking shit that I had to fucking go through. I don’t care if I’m getting paid or not, this is downright fucking bullshit! Nobody gave me a fucking chance, as they kept relentlessly shoving me to the fucking ground, despite the fact that my acts of kindness would beg to say otherwise, trying to build friendships with them, trying to be fucking helpful, but no! Apparently they don’t need my fucking help, because I’m apparently Adolf Hitler in their fucking eyes, and that everything I do is of the fucking Devil. I’m so sick of this fucking world! I try to give them a chance, but no, they just spit in my fucking face!

The fucking employees there are also fucking hypocritical! Like, seriously, they would criticize me for bagging so fucking fast, and tell me to slow down and everything, but then when they do it, it’s okay? I remember, fucking bagging for one of the managers who happened to managed the cash register at one point, so I happened to be the bagger for her. When one of the fucking customers rang up their items, and as she began to check out the fucking items, I bagged just as fast as usual, and literally she fucking told me to slow down, because I was bagging too fast, and I’m going to break their grocery items. I was in disbelief when I heard this because when I see her do it, SHE’S FUCKING BAGGING VICIOUSLY FAST, SLAMMING THE ITEMS IN THE FUCKING GROCERY BAG!

Not only that everyone is a fucking hypocrite, but like I said, they’re downright fucking assholes. You remember very early in this fucking chapter about the woman who was watering her fucking flowers, who FUCKING SIGHED BECAUSE I POLITELY ASKED HER TO MOVE HER FUCKING HOSE OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY! Well anyways, yeah, she’s a fucking asshole. So much so, that my one closest friend at work at the time, agreed with me that she’s a fucking asshole. He even described her as a fucking miserable person, which I really fucking agree with 100%. Throughout the fucking months, I would continue to fucking see her, and each time I see this fucking frowning buzzkill of a person walking through the aisles, it made my fucking blood boil, so much so, that it destroys the remainder of the shift hours within that fucking day, that's how much it pisses me off. One time, I remember having a good laugh, having fun with everyone else, as I joined in on this group conversation exchanged between a bunch of guys, you know doing guy stuff and having a fun time as they laughed with each other and stuff like that, and while that was happening, out of the fucking blue, this fucking bitch just walked right through us... Right fucking through us, nonchalant... No, excuse me, no apologizes, nothing... Just walked straight through us, as she has that fucking bitchy look on her fucking face. And that was it, I've had it with this fucking cunt!

It was so bad, I was so fucking pissed, that I began to devise a plan, and that plan was to burn one of her fucking flowers. Even if I couldn’t burn them all, if I could just burn one of them, that would be enough to fucking satisfy my hatred for this fucking woman. I hated this fucking woman with a fucking passion. After the fucking fact that she did that to me the first day, EVEN AFTER I FUCKING ASKED HER POLITELY, TO MOVE HER FUCKING HOSE? I wasn’t going to let that go! So, with my hard earned fucking money, I bought one of her fucking flowers, and I’m not kidding, I wanted to pick the most beautiful, the best looking flowers that I could fucking find. Like literally one of the prettiest flowers on the market, and then I made my pick. After finding the perfect candidate of flowers that I wanted to pick for the plotted revenge that I was about to execute, I looked up, seeing that fucking miserable bitch behind the counter, looking down, as my eyes locked onto her in fucking hatred, as I continue to glare at her, as I paced sideways; away from the proximity of that place, as I walked towards the fucking checkout aisle.

I spent the $7 that day. Seven fucking dollars, and I didn't care if I fucking wasted that $7 or not. I excitedly went in the backyard, and got a lighter as I began to fucking burn the fucking stem of the flowers. Sadly, for a longtime, the fucking lighter would not burn the fucking flowers, no matter how hard I tried, no matter how long I tried to burn them, they just would not fucking burn, so I just had a better idea! I went back inside my fucking room and I had the idea to get some lighter fluid and I decided to use that to burn the flowers. I opened up the grill, took the grill bars off the rack and dropped the flowers in there, as it's being submerged in the fucking ashes. I poured the fucking lighter fluid inside the fucking grill and the rest was fucking history! Flames galore! That’ll teach this fucking bitch not to fuck with me. Sadly, I originally wanted to throw the flowers in front of the store, but I felt that would be a waste of my time, so no…

Everyday, I would go to fucking work and I see people greet each other, giving a fucking shit about each other, stroking their fucking dick, trying to get it to cum on each other’s fucking faces, where when I try to fucking converse with them and try to be friendly with them, they forget I existed for a fucking second, oh is it because Roger showed up, is that why? Because, apparently when Roger shows up to the fucking party, all hell breaks loose, it’s like fucking Hiroshima just happened when I show up to the fucking party. Literally, everyone avoids me like the fucking plague. When I try to interact with them, they feel fucking awkward around me and just look at me, say a couple words and then a second later, they go back to fucking conversing with one another for fucking hours to come. I’m so sick of FUCKING people that do that to me? Why is it such a fucking problem for a guy like me to get friends! ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS TO BE FUCKING ACCEPTED, BUT NO, NOT A SINGLE PERSON GAVE A FUCKING SHIT ABOUT ME!

I remember working one of the shifts that day, and I was having the fucking time of my fucking life. I had to be the fucking happiest that I’ve ever fucking been in my entire life, in my entire career that day. Literally, I was fucking bagging left and right for customers, knocking them out of the park, and doing the best I can, being friendly as fucking ever, and here comes this fucking kid, who I swear to fucking God, I’m not kidding, he literally looks like the kid version of the Nintendo YouTuber, Nathaniel Bandy, I kid you not. I went to greet him, you know, being in a good fucking mood, trying to be friendly and all, and I asked him if he’s new around here, you know, to spark a “conversation”, as always. He literally turned around, nonchalantly, and gave me a cold, “no…”, and turn back to do what he was doing. It’s things like that, that pisses me off, and I feel like my relationships with people in the fucking store is going nowhere. I remember having my fucking feelings hurt after that. Like seriously, I literally felt fucking hurt that same fucking day, and for the rest of that shift, I was left bitter after that encounter. How am I going to get fucking friends like that when no one fucking accepts me!

When I tell a fucking joke, or attempt to be funny, they tell me that it’s not, or when I try to be cute and just try to brighten up the fucking mood a bit, they tell me to knock it off! It’s like I’m not allowed to be fucking happy. It’s fucking ironic how, when I’m in a shitty mood, that’s when everyone gives a shit about me, but when I’m in a happy mood, then just fuck me. Just fuck me right? I was taking out the groceries for this girl, she had like six chicken roasts in her fucking cart, and all I fucking said was, “Winner, winner, chicken dinner!”, as a fucking joke! That’s all, it was a fucking joke! She literally fucking rolled her eyes at me, like it wasn’t funny. Fuck this fucking world, I’m so sick of fucking humanity!

And you wanna know what’s else comes with this shit sandwich? Like I said, these managers are so fucking incompetent, that they can’t even keep consistency with the fucking time schedules! I worked half-time, and it literally said in the fucking job listing, that the job would be six hours a fucking day. I literally told the fucking manager that I would like to work six hours a fucking day, five days a week, you know the traditional work schedule. They fucking lied to me, and I was getting no work days, as low as FUCKING TWO FUCKING DAYS IN A FUCKING WEEK! WHY? And then on top of that, it’s only fucking four hours in those days! THIS IS FUCKING KOALA SHIT! Seriously, I was only getting $50 a fucking week! $50 FUCKING DOLLARS! THAT’S ALMOST FUCKING ALLOWANCE MONEY AT THIS FUCKING POINT! I know this is half time, BUT I CLEARLY TOLD THEM, I WANTED TO WORK FIVE DAYS A FUCKING WEEK, NOT FOUR DAYS, NOT THREE DAYS, FIVE FUCKING DAYS!

And they make this fucking schedule so fucking chaotic, like no fucking plan or thought went into them whatsoever. They literally just make up schedule times as they go without any rhyme or reason. Somedays, I would even work fucking 8 hours within a fucking day, even though I fucking stated that I wanted to work half time! Sometimes, I would LITERALLY GET NO DAYS OF THE WEEK TO WORK AT ALL!!! What’s the fucking point of working fucking half time, if you’re going to throw in random ass fucking schedule times throughout the fucking week. What kind of fucking backwards ass thinking is that! Do these fucking people have a fucking brain? Were these fucking people high when they wrote these fucking schedules, were they drunk!? What is so hard about making me work six hours a fucking day, five days a week? Oh, but this fucking Gabby Jay over here can work those same amount of fucking hours just fine. Literally, I looked at his schedule, and he fucking works six hours a day, five days a fucking week, Monday to Friday! What makes him so fucking special and what makes me different from him then?

Also, more backwards fucking logic that still fucking baffles me! Their fucking policy to take the carts out for other people, is fucking absurd. What kind of backwards thinking is that? You have to take the fucking carts out for people. And they fucking force you too, I’m fucking serious, I had one of my managers tell me that no matter what they do, even if they decline, I have to fucking take the carts out for them. I know that you have to bring the carts back for them and everything, but even the customers agree, it’s fucking stupid, why should we have to fucking go out and take the carts out for them while every other store, the customer puts the carts back in the fucking racks where they belong? You don’t see fucking Walmart doing that, you don’t see fucking Target doing that, you don’t see any other fucking store doing that. Even the fucking small, local Brick and Mortar stores don’t make you do that, so why here. Maybe if you installed a fucking cart rack in the fucking parking lot, maybe this wouldn’t have fucking happened, but because this fucking store is too lazy to, they never fucking bothered, building a fucking cart rack.

I’ve had a fucking manager, one of the higher ups tell me to take a cart out for this lady, as she was outside the store by herself. I approached her, and told her that my manager sent me to help her take the cart out to her car, she literally looked at me like I just killed someone, and I fucking kid you not; walked back into the fucking store and reported me to the fucking manager because I was following her! The fucking manager told her several times that I’m a bagger and it’s my job, to fucking follow her to her car. I went outside and offer to help her again, thinking that she would be fucking understanding of the situation at hand, NO, she fucking went inside the fucking store again and reported me to the fucking manager, so you know what, I said fuck this and let her take the fucking cart out her fucking self. This was the fucking closest I would ever be to getting reported for sexual harassment, and I remember being rightfully fucking pissed over that. Fucking sexual allegations are very fucking serious and they are not to fucking play around. You can’t just fucking do that, it’s not fucking right, and if your plan was to fucking get me falsely accused of fucking stalking, then bitch, I hope you die in a fucking head on collision, jumping on the fucking window, as your fucking head crashes through the fucking front window of your car, as your head gets severed internally from your fucking neck! This fucking bitch, just tried to ruin my fucking life!

Man, this job is a piece of analfucking shit. I rather have a fucking old rusty pole after it’s been shoved up a rotten, decomposing, elephant corpse’s asshole; shoved up my fucking asshole than to go through this fucking shit! This fucking job is like getting a flock of birds to take a fucking shit on your fucking head and there’s nothing you can do about it. You don’t have a rifle or anything, no trees, nothing to take cover with, so you have no choice but to be pelleted by white bird shit for six hours at a time, everyday of your fucking life. Man fuck this job, fuck it to hell, and fuck retail! Fuck everyone who works there, I hope everyone loses their fucking jobs, I hope everyone fucking dies and get a heart attack there, because what they did to me was fucking unforgettable, and unforgivable, and I will never forget this holocaust worthy event that had taken place in my life. Fuck that place, fuck the coworkers, fuck the cashiers, fuck the managers, fuck anyone who shops there, and especially to that woman who works in the floral department, SUPER FUCK YOU TOO!

Ever since after that incident, as I looked back on all of this, I would become a changed man ever since. I began as months slowly passed by, to realize that everyone has been using me. They never returned the favor or anything like that, nobody ever talks to me, and I’ve slowly realized that I was nothing but a fucking pawn. I realized when people were talking down to me, it was my fault for letting them talk down to me. I realized it was my fault for not saying anything that needed to be said. It was my fault for being used, but ever since that incident, I will never forget and I will never forgive…My heart is fucking bitter with pure fiery hatred of that place to this day, and I had fully decided to fucking boycott that place entirely, refusing to buy any products from them in general, even to the point where I refuse to even say the name of the retail store that I worked at. I wanted to start anew, but not just anew with a new job, but also a new life.

I had recently learned the importance of assertiveness, and to not let people talk down to me. I realize that I let people become a fucking asshole to me, let people shove a dick up my ass without having the courage to stand up for my fucking self. What is so fucking hard about telling someone to go fuck themselves when needed? Well now, because of that incident, I’ve been a changed man. I’m not the fucking pussy coward Roger that I used to be. I’m not the sweet, innocent Roger you used to know me as, I put those attributes way beyond me at this point. Now, I’m the assertive, snarky Roger that I am today. People ask me why I am the way I am, this is why… I don’t take shit from no one… Fuck the world, and fuck my job! Fuck it!

Chapter 26: The Final Chapter, The Final Battle

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It’s finally here. The final showdown is finally here. All these chapters that you have been reading so far, all those paragraphs that you’ve consumed into your little heads, they’re all the culmination to what is about to unfold here. This fucking incident right here, is the real reason why I wrote this entire document. final nail that has been driven in the coffin is all about to be unfolded right in front of your eyes. It’s finally time to begin the discussion about the return of a tyrant that I haven’t seen in a long time…

Let’s rewind all the way back to 2019 again, it was shortly after I left my job, that I’d begin to learn about the concepts of being a pushover and how to overcome them. Throughout the entire year, after leaving my job for good, I was still traumatized and paralyzed from the events that had unfolded over the past few months since my leave for that job. For many months, I was so paralyzed that I wasn’t ready to get another job. I was so traumatized that something inside of me snapped. Something inside of me clicked, and I wanted to see more…

Not actual image.

One morning, I was celebrating the fact that I had no job anymore, which is ironic to anyone reading this, because how are you going to make money if you don't have a job. Regardless of the matter, I was at least happy again and I (stupidly) decided to celebrate the remainder of the money that I had left over from my last paycheck in my account, just to rewawrd myself after my leave from the company. It was my first job, so why not. I got my mom to take me to a strip mall in my local area, just so I can get the fresh air that I needed. My past happy self, began to put on my smile as usual, going along my merry way, shopping here and there, as I ventured into multiple different shops, seeing what things I could spend my money on. As a kid, I always wanted to go to this place as it was filled with many interesting foods to try and interesting knickknacks to buy.

As I scavenged for things that would seem of interest throughout the entire day, I’d began to notice an overwhelming amount of assholes throughout the entire day as well. Every store that I went to, was met by a fucking asshole behind the counter. It seemed like this job phenomena had followed me to my day-to-day life; as I went inside shops, only to feel discriminated and people would have an extreme prejudice against me for no reason, as most of them being women. I first account of this bias was Great American Cookie, a store that sells giant sized cookies for around $1. As I went inside and got one of their cookies, the woman on the other end however was the most bitter person I’ve ever met, and I’m thinking again like, what the fuck did I do to this person? So, I got my cookie, and she had a fucking attitude with me. You would think it would be enough at this point? After all the fucking shit that I went through at my job? But no… Store, after store, it was the same shit over, and over again. I don’t remember the other stores that I went too, but some others in the strip mall had the same prejudice.

I then decided to go to Cold Stone later that day before I would eventually go back home, and the fucking door was locked on me. I then knocked on the door, as I glanced at two figures on the other side of the glass pane door. They were literally just fucking around on the counter, as I knocked on the door several times, until one of them noticed and began pacing towards me. He was very arrogant on the other side of the door, and he asked, “What?”, and I just asked if they’re open. The person responded, saying that they’re, “obviously not”, which of course, I should’ve fucking known, it was locked, as they're closed, but then my instinct was, who fucking opens their fucking business in the fucking afternoon? He literally said that they open at 12 in the afternoon and I just thought at the moment how odd of a time to open at such part of the day, like who does that? I was thinking that it would be more logical if they opened at around 10 or something, not in the afternoon!

After that incident, like I said, something inside me snapped. As I was going home, after the multiple accounts of repeated offenses taken against me, I'd began to go through a phase, a phase that I am, to this day, in right now. Mixed with the emotional trauma that I’ve dealt with at my then work, I began to feel a psychological shock go right through me, as if a new person had entered into my life. I'd began to realize all the times that I have been used by people, not having friends, always being the loner, and being disrespected for being too nice. At this moment, I then realize. I was the nice guy this whole time, and I’m tired of being fucking nice. At that moment in time, I would never be the same again, as if I had been born anew. It was as if, I had become aware of what the world was doing to me, and how it had been harming me for so many years to come.

Instantly, new emotions of aggression, assertiveness, cynicism, pessimism, and dogmatism had entered in my body, I began to suddenly go through this transformation, the outcome of it almost to the point of me breaking down into tears, realizing my inferiority and how I’ve been used by so many people for an entire decade… I saw all the faces of those who defiled me for so many years, realizing all the manipulative tricks that they've pulled on me, as the inside of me was building up with hatred to the point where I wanted to fucking scream. But that was going to change, I began to feel a sense of superiority over everyone else, where I used to be the bullied, I am the bully. It's like that scene from Spiderman 3, where Peter Parker was the nice guy, and then he became black suited Spiderman overnight... Everything about me, all my attributes, my characteristics, everything that I used to be, I now look back and despise it. I wanted to burn that happy picture of me. I despised my past self, and I began to not take shit from anyone. I began to speak in a stoic, snarky, and at times, aggressive manner, giving all those that gave me a fucking attitude, a taste of their own fucking medicine.

I used to be a different person back then, the nice Roger who would open doors for people, try to say hello, and be helpful towards other people, was no more. All the times that I tried to help people, and be courteous towards those only resulted in pure fucking humility, further anguishing my eternal soul into a pool of sorrow and hatred. I used to believe in this philosophical doctrine that I would dress older than myself, showing a sense of politeness and respect towards other people. I thought I would be able to get more friends, by wearing suits throughout my teens, however all I’ve gotten from people were comments saying that I looked “old”. I could count on both hands of all those experiences like this happening to me. One time I was in church and a woman, throughout the entire fucking service, was making fun of me, just being a passive-aggressive cunt to me, making passive-aggressive remarks about me, as she began to make subtle hints about the suit that I was wearing, even though I just wanted to look nice in public. I was never into jeans or hoodies, and I always thought suits looked attractive, as I just wanted to be unique.

But over time, many incidents like this one happened throughout the decade of my life, and looking back, many people had scoffed at me for wearing these clothes. The final solution to the unsolved problem was “niceness”. I realized everything that I was doing, was associated with niceness, and looking back at that, those clothes emphasized niceness. Because of this new change of events in my life, this new phase that had been brought onto me, my fashion would change immensely. I wasn’t wearing suits anymore, and I decided to dress like someone who you wouldn’t want to fuck with. I began to stop dressing classy and began to look up to normal types of fashion, some ranging from the 70’s all the way to present day. The clothes I began to wear was modelled from a mixture of new era, to punk style fashion, as I wanted to show the world that the old Roger was dead, and the new Roger is here, as he doesn’t want to be fucked with.

Throughout the rest of the year, I would continue to have this mentality, and to this very day, I still stand strong with my beliefs that the world did nothing but discriminate against me. I did nothing back then, my past self was a coward, and I would constantly chastise myself for not standing up for myself. All the times that people had told me off, giving me a bad attitude and everything, I began to regret not saying anything, instead I was a fucking coward, and a cuck. You may call me an edgelord for acting like this, but I don’t care, and I don’t give a fuck. This is who I am, this is who I should’ve been, this is the new me!

After a couple months of waking up, realizing that I had been lied to all my life, that and I’ve been nothing but a people pleaser, and a fucking pussy, the world began to reveal itself how it can be cruel to me, and I'd finally learned how to overcome them. After the first two months of finally acquiring the ability to just be a flat out dick from now on, I decided to go to McDonald’s for some breakfast, as I used to ride on my bike because like I said, I don’t have a car. Riding on my bike through the busy street in the morning, just to get some food may sound insane, but I was determined to eat that breakfast as I so wished, as my family hardly had anything to cook at that time.

As I made it towards the entrance of McDonald’s, I locked my bike and went inside to get what I wanted on the menu. The bitch behind the counter had a bad attitude as usual, and she was not nice at all, treaitng me like shit, so I talked to her in the rudest sounding voice that I could muster just to let her know not to fuck with me, and of course she gave me my receipt and I waited. Of course, I didn’t feel satisfied enough, as my assertiveness and aggressiveness wasn’t clear enough, so I tore up the receipt and threw it on the ground behind her back. As she got me my food, and I began to walk away from the counter to the exit, the manager stopped me and asked me why there is liter on the ground. I turned around and told her to pick it up herself and kicked the front door open, just to give these assholes a taste of their own fucking medicine. And it worked, I went home, ate my food, and I never felt such a sense of satisfaction in my entire life. It’s like 10 years of my life had been missing all these years, and I finally feel like myself again. I felt like this is how I should’ve been and I wasn’t going to stop until the day I die.

As months go by, I would still stay true to my belief that assertiveness and being a jerk will help me go places in life, as being nice isn’t going to fucking cut it. And that assertiveness translated to the fucking internet. Yeah, over time, I’d begin to realize that, besides the YouTube comment section, the internet can be full of fucking assholes, especially fucking forums, so I did the unthinkable. As I browsed many times on Google, I would often come across sites, where users asked just nice and innocent fucking questions and people would just be purely fucking assholes. Like the most defeatist fucking answers that I would see someone make. Everyone who asks a simple question that is not harmful in anyway, would often get responded by fucking cunts that would discourage the fucking asker, or put them down condescendingly. Most of these sites that have this kind of fucking mentality is usually seen on forums; Q&A sites like fucking Quora (or Whora), Reddit or Stack Overflow; and sometimes support forums.

Seeing all of this sparked an idea in my head that I never would’ve thought before, and I decided to do the unthinkable. I then came up with the idea to create an alter ego for myself, as I decided to start taking the time to sign up on the forums and cursing everyone out. Yeah, I said it, I decided to be a fucking dick back to these people. All my life, I would see fucking OP’s (Original Poster) sitting back and doing absolutely nothing, being an absolute fucking cuck, letting everyone else berate them and call them names while the OP’s just taking the fucking dick to the mouth. I decided to change that and at that moment, I’ve decided to finally step in. I would sign up and create throw away accounts, as I would literally go on threads and respond to some of these assholes that’s giving the OP a bad time, giving them a piece of my mind.

Most of the time I never got any responses from these people, and other times I’ve gotten banned because of it, but that didn’t matter to me, because as long as one person stands up for someone else, then that’s all that matters. I felt like justice wasn’t served when I see an OP just taking it up the fucking ass by other cunts on the community, all the while, undeserved. I began to sign up on multiple sites and take up for people, whether it be in the comment section of news sites, or articles; or just trying to get used to voicing my opinion and if they have a problem with it, then they can fuck off. Over time, I would keep on doing this for months to come, to the point where I would finally bear the name, “Troll Slayer”. After that, I’d began going around being a superhero-like figure, combating and harassing anyone that caused the OP distress online, as I would begin to defend the person that’s being attacked.

There are many incidents of it occurring that I have no time to go over for the sake of this chapter, but there was one incident where a guy on Yahoo Answers asked a question, and I don’t remember what it was, but it was something about a joke that he made, and many of the people didn’t take it seriously. It fucking pained me to see how so many people didn’t get the joke in the question, to the point where they decided to be a buzzkill and accusatory of the OP in hand. So I did what I usually did. I signed up and created an account under the name, Troll Slayer, and I'd began to go ham on many of the answers. One of the answer said to put a rifle to his mouth and pull the trigger, and I responded with, “How about you do it yourself, you fucking phaggot?”, and all the other rude answers that I responded with were r/Whoosh (This was before I hated Reddit, don’t judge me).

Overtime, the fact that I was doing this may come off as immature to some of you, but I didn’t give a shit, I felt like I was going places, and I realized that I’ve come a long way since my job, finally growing out of being a fucking nice person, to trying to learn how to be a fucking asshole. I was tired of being the bullied, and the fucking victim, that I decided to take a stand for what’s right. However, as I began to use the internet more frequently, I realized that signing up for so many sites just to cuss these people out was getting so tiresome, that it was getting to the point where it would get, FUCKING IRRITATING!

I’m serious, during around October, as I was taking college at the time, and didn’t have time to go on the internet like I used to, because you know studies and all of that; Well, every fucking website that I went to, that I wanted to get help on, that was asked by another person (mostly on forums usually), always had the most unhelpful fucking replies, and I would get so fucking annoyed where question, after question, after fucking question, it got to the fucking point where almost any question asked on the fucking forum was always met without unhelpful answers and sarcastic replies... They weren’t productive at all, they were just a fucking time waster…

And then I noticed a pattern with all these forums that I’ve visited… It’s always the fucking first reply. The first reply of every thread. Literally, every fucking forum that you go to, whether it be gaming, boxing, wrestling, etc., there’s always a fucking first reply, a first rebuttal to everything, and I’m fucking thinking to myself, "What is this, fucking high school?". These are fucking grown adults sitting at their fucking computer, just cracking jokes, literally laughing their ass off, and stroking their dicks at the computer. Instead of being a forum where it’s full of helpful and inciteful fucking people, instead they have to be FUCKING ASSHOLES! IT’S ANALFUCKING BULLSHIT!

And it’s not just one forum, it’s every fucking forum that I go to, that this fucking shit happens on. But you thought the forums were fucking bad, just take a look at these so called Q&A sites! Fucking Quora is full of egotistical fucking cunts that care more about the fucking degrees that they’ve received in fucking college more than the fucking question at hand. If you go on Reddit, they’re the most flippant people who are downvote happy karma whores, who only care about the fucking karma instead of being genuinely helpful for once in their fucking lives. Stack Overflow or FAG Overflow is a bunch of fucking fascist dictators that are so pristine about how certain questions should be written and if you write the wrong fucking question, they downvote it to fucking oblivion!

As October rolled in, while I was being fed up with fucking people at that point, I decided to take a break from looking up shit on Google, and just do other activities instead, one of them being to check my forum. Yeah, I realized that I still had a forum all this time and I hadn’t check up on it in a long time since last year of 2018. So I decided to check on my forum just to see if anybody posted something new there. At that point, I’d began to doubt that new people had signed up for the forum as I realized that no one gave a shit about it since. It’s been five years since ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 had posted anything on my forum, and I just banned J from my forum after that incident with him, so what could possibly go wrong.

As I went to my forum, expecting the usual, you know, the abscence of new posts, replies or anything in general for that matter, just pure, dead silence; I was surprised to see several new notifications by someone that I had forgot existed for a longtime. I clicked on the first thread to see what the first notification would be. I clicked on the thread and I nearly had a fucking heart attack. The first thing I saw was his profile picture, and seeing that for the first time, creeped me the fuck out! His profile picture was a picture of Gru from Despicable Me, but with a red filter over it. Like those 4channers reaction to something they don’t like, so they’ll post an angry pepe with a red filter over it. It had a black background, and below the image was a caption that just said, “no.”. Seeing this for the first time fucking creeped me out as I began to panic that my forum had become raided by some kind of 4channer or something. His username was a play on the Japanese name, Rentaro, mixed with some kind of meme-y word that I won’t mention here, but basically it’s a combination of a meme-y word, mixed with Rentaro, so something like SIMP-taro, and it ended with the numbers, “123”.

I looked through the forums of all the new posts that he made, and come to find out, this guy wrote some really crazy shit on my fucking forum. Like, really fucking crazy shit! I’m not kidding! He was posting the same messages on my forum, some of them being replies to older threads, and him saying things like, “REEEEEEEEEEEEEE”,“HAHAHA”, and, “I’M MENTAL! COME SEE WHAT’S INSIDE!”. Thread after thread, I'd began to notice a pattern right away… He was responding to all the threads that were created by J.

Yeah, he was responding to all of the threads that J made, and said that he wasted his time and his entire life, and that he had gone entirely fucking mental. I was beginning to wonder what he was talking about, and I was going to just ban him, removing all the distateful posts that he's made, and just consider him a troll as I was just going to move on with my life. Well, after a while, seeing all the sentences that he’s typing, his speech patterns, and his usage of 4chan origin lingo, the puzzle pieces came back together again, and then I realized something… It was fucking, J! He must’ve created another account probably due to the fact that I banned his longtime account on the forum, thinking about the fact that he had been loyal to me all these years, and that 10 months later, decided to be bitter and hostile towards me and started spamming my forum. I looked through his profile and he as usual wrote mental shit as well, saying self-deprecating things about how he's a retard (which is true), and that he wasted his entire life.

I clicked on his IP address, as if you don’t know, admins have the ability to view IP addresses of posters, as this is a PHPBB based site after all. I clicked on his IP address button and looking at his address, the first thing that I saw was the section below his IP address, that said, “Accounts made under this address”, and in it, confirms everything I theorized about him. It was J, under a different name… I began to just leave his posts on the forums and just pretended to be dead on the forum, not saying anything, just leaving things be, and I would just let him continue to post on the forum in the future just to make a complete ass of himself in public.

After a while, I’d began to go back to browsing on the internet, slightly traumatized by what I just read, and I started doing my studies as usual again. Going back to what I was saying, the internet was not helpful at all… All of this, with the fucking unhelpful fucking replies and self-centered, narcissistic cunts on the forums; combined with the fact that I was in college and I wasn’t getting helpful answers at all, also combined with the fact that I had deadlines too, was paying a toll on my sanity, and overtime I would get to become more and more stressed than ever before. I have never been this fucking irritated with the internet so much in my fucking life, it’s like people don’t want to cooperate any fucking more. Back in the 2000’s, people used to care, people used to have fun and have cheerful conversations on forums back then, it was an innocent time. Sure there were fucking assholes here and there, but there weren’t that many. It’s like when the 2010’s came, nowadays, almost every fucking question that you fucking ask or read is always met with a fucking condescending fucking asshole, and usually it’s the first fucking replyof the fucking thread. Not helpful or informative at all! Like I said, many of these fucking forums suffer from MAL syndrome, and over time I’d began to become so fucking livid!

As you can see, during the latter half of 2019, going into 2020, my mental health would get worse and worse. As December rolled around, I stopped using the search engine entirely, and it has come to the point where Google has become biased fucking website in itself and I realized that they’re fucking responsible for showing all of the biased results that is causing me stress every single fucking day. I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I stopped using Google altogether. It’s bad enough that I stopped reading the YouTube comments, because like I said, it’s a waste of time, and I refuse to read them again, but now it’s getting to the point where the fucking other websites that I go to is just as bad as the fucking YouTube comment section, it’s as bad as going on FUCKING 4chan, now! How the fuck did we go from asking a question on sites like Straight Dope and getting helpful replies from people, to asking a question now where you get fucking replies by fucking arrogant, condescending pricks? You have better chances posting a thread on fucking 4chan for fuck’s sake!

So, from that point on, I stopped using the search engine and I decided to go off the grid. The fucking internet wasn’t being helpful whatsoever, and each time I would see stupid shit like the previous anecdotes that I’ve described in this chapter so far, it gave me every reason to justify why I am the cynical person that I am today. The world is full of assholes, and the internet shows that fucking people just hate fun. They don’t like fun, no, apparently, people like me are not allowed to have fucking fun, as we should be depressed, and cynical people. So I thought that if people hate fun that much, why bother even having it. Fuck this world.

Throughout the month of December, I’d began to look back at all the times people had treated me unfairly in the past throughout my entire fucking teens. I’ve been fucking ignored, scrutinized, criticized, bashed, and bullied, and people just didn’t want to become my fucking friend for some fucking reason. It’s almost like I have this curse. Like I wonder if I must be a descendant of Cain from the Bible, when God put that birthmark on him, causing him to be shunned for the rest of his life. I feel like I must have that mark somewhere, because I cannot for the life of me have friends.

After realizing how much of a shitty decade it has fucking been in my life, I decided to look forward toward the future. I strongly believed that 2020 would be a great year, and I decided to start anew. No, not a new year resolution… A new DECADE resolution! I decided that I’m going to start this decade from then on as a new person for the rest of time to come! It would be just after I had been born anew, my ideology from 2019 would be carried on into 2020, setting a legacy for it for years to come, as I would adapt to new fashion, and I decided to wear the latest fashion on the market, and also still carry on my “Don’t fuck with me”, attitude everywhere I go.

As I thought 2020 would be the best year that I was hoping to fucking be, as I thought the 2010s can finally put to rest, and maybe this new decade would be even better, no, it’s somehow gotten even fucking worse! And I’m not kidding, the fucking situation that I’m in, is the same situation I’ve been since last year, but it’s even fucking worse now! How the fuck do you fuck that up!? And so, it was around January, of 2020, around 12 o’clock midnight, and this is when I finally had it, I had finally snapped… I was done with people’s fucking shit on the fucking internet! Around that day, I had a problem signing into my Adobe account, as I was in college at the time, and they required my phone number. I forgot what it was about, but there seemed to be a glitch in the system, because I’ve entered the correct password and everything, and I still got an error message.

Not knowing what else to do, as I’ve swore an oath to never use Google again, I finally decided to bite the bullet. I took the time to go on fucking “Google”, once again, and googled the error message that I was getting, something about that it failed to sign in or something. I clicked on the forum under the same question that I had, about the same problem, and literally, the only fucking reply to the fucking question was, “This is posted in the wrong category. Locked”. Reading that made my fucking blood boil. It was as if the internet was telling me to fuck off at this point. How the fuck, do you fuck up on a support forum like that! This is the official fucking support forum. The fucking forum that’s supposed to help you when in need, but no, they feel the fucking need to jack off in your fucking face instead! And it’s not just Adobe, this happens in fucking Apple’s support forum, Microsoft’s support forum, every other fucking forum in general, none of them being helpful whatsoever!

At that point I was so pissed. I wanted to fucking vent my frustration with the fucking internet. At that moment, I wanted to go to someone and just share the fucking pain that I've went through with someone else who understands the situation that i'm in... But sadly I had no friends to talk to... And then the unthinkable happened once again. I can’t believe I decided to stoop this low where the fucking internet was pissing me off so fucking much, that I decided to resort to old frenemies at this point. I I finally had the decision to talk to J again. That’s right, the crazy fuck that’s being relentless in harassing my forum, and breaking its rules, I finally made the decision to bite the bullet once again! Every fucking day, for fucking months, I was tired of being fucking aggravated every time I went on the internet, to the point where posting blogs wasn’t going to cut it, I wanted an actual living human being to talk to, and interact with, just so I can vent my fucking frustrations with not only just the internet, but one of the contributing members to the human race itself!

However, before I get into that, I decided to change my profile pic, as I was going mental ONCE AGAIN, for the umpteenth fucking time due to the unreliability of this fucking so called helpful place called the, “World Wide Web”. I was finding a profile picture that best resembled the fucking anguish that I was going through at the time, and I then remember a gif of an image that used to scare me as a kid. I then looked up the image, and I used this image as my profile pic, it was from the 2005 movie, Dead Birds,

Of course, the photo was too wide for my profile pic so I cropped it on even dimensions, and I added a caption that said, “It’s all a fucking lie!”. Shortly after I began to contact my friend J under his new account.

After visting his profile, and beginning to private message him, being unsettled by the creepy looking Gru profile pic for the second time, I finally had the balls to message him as I couldn't take it anymore, I finally did it. I finally messaged J a year later after our mishap. I decided to lie to him and tell him that I was sorry for banning him in the first place, and how my parents were very religious and strict, as they began to feel suspicious about me talking with a stranger on the internet. Of course, like I said, this is all made up, but anything just to have another punching bag on my side to vent to would be better than the shitty situation that I was in. So the message went,

“ᗪEᗩᖇ ᑌᔕEᖇ ᗯᕼO ᑭᖇOᗷᗩᗷᒪY ᗯEᑎT ᗷY TᕼE ᑭᖇEᐯIOᑌᔕ ᑌᔕEᖇᑎᗩᗰE, ᒍ,

I KᑎOᗯ YOᑌ ᑭᖇOᗷᗩᗷᒪY ᗯOᑎ'T ᖇEᗩᗪ TᕼIᔕ, ᗯEᒪᒪ... EᐯEᖇ... ᗷᑌT I ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ ᒪIKE TO ᗩᑭOᒪOGIᘔE ᖴOᖇ ᗷᒪOᑕKIᑎG YOᑌ Oᑎ ᔕTEᗩᗰ ᗩᑎᗪ ᗷᗩᑎᑎIᑎG YOᑌᖇ ᗩᑕᑕOᑌᑎT. ᗰY ᑭᗩᖇEᑎTᔕ ᗩᖇE ᐯEᖇY ᑭᖇOTEᑕTIᐯE ᗩᑎᗪ TᕼEY ᗯEᖇE ᑕOᑎᑕEᖇᑎEᗪ ᗯᕼEᑎ TᕼEY ᔕᗩᗯ ᗰE ᑕᕼᗩTTIᑎG ᗯITᕼ YOᑌ, Tᕼᑌᔕ ᖴOᖇᑕIᑎG ᗰE TO ᗷᗩᑎ YOᑌ ᗩᑎᗪ ᗷᒪOᑕK ᗩᑎY ᑕOᑎᑎEᑕTIOᑎ TO YOᑌ Oᑎ ᗰᑌᒪTIᑭᒪE ᔕITEᔕ. TᕼEY'ᐯE ᕼᗩᗪ ᗩ ᒪOᑎG ᕼIᔕTOᖇY Oᖴ ᗪOIᑎG TᕼIᔕ TO ᗰᑌᒪTIᑭᒪE ᖴᖇIEᑎᗪᔕ I'ᐯE IᑎTEᖇᗩᑕTEᗪ OᑎᒪIᑎE, TᕼIᑎKIᑎG TᕼᗩT TᕼEY'ᖇE ᑕᖇEEᑭᔕ. IT TOOK ᒪOTᔕ Oᖴ ᑕOᑎᐯIᑎᑕIᑎG, ᗩᑎᗪ ᑌᑭ ᑌᑎTIᒪ ᑎOᗯ, I ᖴIᑎᗩᒪᒪY ᕼᗩᐯE ᑭEᖇᗰIᔕᔕIOᑎ ᖴᖇOᗰ TᕼEᗰ TO ᑕOᑎTᗩᑕT YOᑌ ᗩGᗩIᑎ.

I ᗩᗰ ᖇEᗩᒪᒪY, ᖇEᗩᒪᒪY ᔕOᖇᖇY ᖴOᖇ ᗪOIᑎG TᕼIᔕ TO YOᑌ, ᗩᑎᗪ KᑎOᗯIᑎG YOᑌᖇ ᗷᗩᑕKGᖇOᑌᑎᗪ, I KᑎOᗯ TᕼE ᑭᗩIᑎ TᕼᗩT YOᑌ'ᖇE GOIᑎG TᕼᖇOᑌGᕼ, ᗰY ᗩᑎ᙭IETY ᗩᑎᗪ ᗪEᑭᖇEᔕᔕIOᑎ, ᗩᑎᗪ EᔕᑭEᑕIᗩᒪᒪY ᗰY Oᑕᗪ Iᔕ GETTIᑎG ᗯOᖇᔕE, ᗩᑎᗪ I'ᗰ ᗩT TᕼE ᗰOᗰEᑎT Oᖴ ᑕOᑎᔕIᗪEᖇIᑎG ᔕᑌIᑕIᗪE, ᔕᑭEᑕIᖴIᑕᗩᒪᒪY ᕼᗩᑎGIᑎG. I ᗯᗩᑎT ᗩᑎOTᕼEᖇ OᑭᑭOᖇTᑌᑎITY TO TᗩᒪK TO YOᑌ ᗩGᗩIᑎ, ᗷᑌT TᕼEᖇE Iᔕ ᗩᒪᔕO ᗩ ᗪOᗯᑎᔕIᗪE TO TᕼIᔕ. I ᗩᗰ Iᑎ ᑕOᒪᒪEGE ᗩᑎᗪ ᗰY ᔕTᑌᗪIEᔕ ᗩᖇE ᐯEᖇY ᕼᗩᖇᗪ ᗩᑎᗪ TᗩKEᔕ ᒪOTᔕ Oᖴ TIᗰE ᗩᑎᗪ ᗪEᐯOTIOᑎ ᒍᑌᔕT TO GET ᗩ GOOᗪ GᖇᗩᗪE, ᗩᑎᗪ YEᔕ I ᕼᗩᐯE ᖇEᑕEᑎTᒪY ᒪOᔕT ᗰY ᒍOᗷ ᗷᑌT TᕼᗩT'ᔕ ᗩᑎOTᕼEᖇ ᔕTOᖇY. I ᕼᗩᐯE ᔕO ᗰᑌᑕᕼ ᖴᖇEE TIᗰE TO TᗩᒪK TO YOᑌ ᑎOᗯ, Iᖴ YOᑌ TᕼIᑎK YOᑌ ᕼᗩᐯE ᗷEEᑎ ᗷETᖇᗩYEᗪ, ᗪOᑎ'T ᗷᒪᗩᗰE ᗰE, ᗷᒪᗩᗰE ᗰY ᖴᗩᗰIᒪY ᖴOᖇ ᗰᗩKIᑎG ᗰE ᗪO TᕼIᔕ.

ᑎOᗯ TᕼᗩT I ᕼᗩᐯE ᑭEᖇᗰIᔕᔕIOᑎ ᗩᑎᗪ TᕼE ᖴᖇEEᗪOᗰ, I ᑕᗩᑎ ᑎOᗯ TᗩKE TᕼIᔕ OᑭᑭOᖇTᑌᑎITY TO ᑕOᑎᐯEᖇᔕE ᗯITᕼ YOᑌ ᗩGᗩIᑎ. ᑭᒪEᗩᔕE GIᐯE ᗰE ᗩᑎOTᕼEᖇ ᑕᕼᗩᑎᑕE, I ᗩᗰ ᒪOᑎEᒪY ᗩᑎᗪ ᑎOᗷOᗪY ᗯᗩᑎTᔕ TO TᗩᒪK TO ᗰE, YOᑌ ᗪOᑎ'T KᑎOᗯ ᕼOᗯ ᗩGOᑎIᘔIᑎG IT Iᔕ TO ᑎOT ᕼᗩᐯE ᔕOᗰEOᑎE ᒪIKE YOᑌ TO TᗩᒪK TO. I ᗩᗰ ᔕIᑎᑕEᖇEᒪY ᔕOᖇᖇY.

Iᖴ YOᑌ ᗩᖇE ᖇEᗩᗪIᑎG TᕼIᔕ, ᑭᒪEᗩᔕE GIᐯE ᗰE ᗩᑎOTᕼEᖇ ᑕᕼᗩᑎᑕE. I ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ ᒪIKE TO TᗩᒪK TO YOᑌ ᗩGᗩIᑎ, I ᗰIᔕᔕ YOᑌ! Iᖴ YOᑌ ᗩᖇE ᗩᐯᗩIᒪᗩᗷᒪE, ᑭᒪEᗩᔕE ᗰEᔕᔕᗩGE ᗰE Oᑎ ᔕTEᗩᗰ!

ᗰY ᔕTEᗩᗰ ᑭᖇOᖴIᒪE Iᔕ, (IᑎᔕEᖇT ᔕTEᗩᗰ ᑎᗩᗰE ᕼEᖇE) Oᖇ (IᑎᔕEᖇT ᔕTEᗩᗰ ᑎᗩᗰE ᕼEᖇE).

ᗰY ᔕTEᗩᗰ Iᗪ Iᔕ (IᑎᔕEᖇT ᔕTEᗩᗰ Iᗪ ᑎᑌᗰᗷEᖇ ᕼEᖇE)

TEᒪᒪ ᗰE YOᑌᖇ ᔕTEᗩᗰ ᑭᖇOᖴIᒪE ᔕO I ᑕᗩᑎ ᗩᗪᗪ YOᑌ ᗩᔕ ᗩ ᖴᖇIEᑎᗪ.”

And then the waiting game. At first, I was anxious about what I had just done, as shortly after, I did not fucking feel like dealing with this guy again. This guy fucking backstabbed me multiple times in my life, and talking to this guy was something I would never thought of stooping that low to. However, even after sending him this, at least I felt relieved. Atleast I get to have a temporary punching bag to vent to, when I’m fucking pissed off. Everyday, the internet has been pissing me off like this, and I figured that maybe if I could get closer to him again, I would be able to know who to go to when I’m down and who knows, maybe he might, MIGHT redeem himself again.

After that, day after day, I would never get a response from him, so I figured that he must've truly moved on with his life, and was thinking at the time that it would atleast be nice if he just responded to the message, but overall I just didn't care. More however though, even after messaging him, days to come, the internet would still piss me off, as I was still in college at the time (like I said), looking for answers to questions on forums was like suicide at this fucking point. It was getting to the fucking point where my searches on internet would become fucking predictable, and formulaic, that I would already know what the outcome was going to be when I search something up on Google.

It works every fucking time!

As time went on, I began to focus more on my studies and have forgotten about J, as he hasn’t responded in two months or so. I figured that if he hasn’t responded, then he just probably moved on with his life, so I decided to find another alternative. First of all (which is sad), I decided to stop using the internet altogether, as I realize it’s the most toxic place that I’ve ever been too in my fucking life. Going on fucking forums is a joke, I already know that you shouldn’t get your sources from Yahoo Answers, but if you’re learning software, like for example, being enrolled in an a PowerPoint class, and you're doing the homework exercises that your teacher gives you from the book, the program throws an error, and then you look up that error on the fucking internet, guess what? The fucking forums that the questions are posted on are not helpful at fucking all, and it’s just fucking condescending people posting unhelpful fucking answers. So what’s the point of looking up something informative on the fucking internet, if all you’re going to get is fucking bullshit in return. It’s like the equivalent of jacking off, and you’re almost at the climax of ejaculation, you think you’re going to cum all over the fucking screen, like a huge ocean of cum would spray out of your dick, realizing that you’re going to be fucking victorious, but instead, it’s a little, puny fucking amount that cums out, yeah like a fucking faggot that just choked on his fucking dinner, as little puke chunks come out of his fucking mouth.

So, before I delve even further into this fucking document, I’m going to do a test run, just to prove how the fucking internet can be when looking things up on any search engine. So here’s the fucking process. I’m going to follow the formula that I submitted above and I’m going to apply it to this scenario, so here it goes. I had a question in my head, and I wanted to know how many pages would it be if a novel had 150,000 words in them. I typed in “150,000” words in Yahoo Search, because fuck Google, fuck Bing, and especially fuck DuckDuckGo; i'm going to prove my point as usual, and show images below, and relate them with the formula that I had just submitted above and put it to the test, just to see how accurate my reaction to this sequential asscrack of a fucking process searching the world wide fucking web can be.

Step 1: Search (X) in Google (Or any other search engine).

Step 2: Find informative site, which pertains to (X).

Step 3: Click on said informative site, which pertains to (X).

Step 4: Get pissed off.

Step 5: Repeat ste- Oh wait...

Do you see this fucking shit right here?

Do you see this goatfucking, dicksucking, dickhead looking, motherfucking, snakefaced motherfucker right here? Do you see this fucking anwer right here? Can you feel the fucking condescension emanating from that fucking sentence, violating the senses of sight? Yeah, of course you do! Now you know the fucking process. Why did he had to fucking say it like that. What part of the fucking brain where this fucking egotistical cunt is going off at, is going to insult the fucking asker, ALL BECAUSE HE SIMPLY ASKED HOW MANY PAGES IS A 150,000 WORD NOVEL!

And then they fucking lecture you, making you look so fucking stupid, where instead these fucking cunts could’ve answered the question, saying that it was (X amount of) pages, no they have to be a fucking dickhole instead! Why did he had to say it like that, why couldn’t he say, “Oh, just want to let you know that in actuality, novels don’t exceed above the limit of 110,000 words. Try to condense your story in a less range of words. I’m glad to help! 😊”. Oh is it because this anusbrain, tonguecock, vaginalipped, goatfaced motherfucker is too fucking egotistical and fucking narcissistic to say something as courteous as that. The internet is fucked, a fucking vaginal, semen laced cum-dumpster if you will!. The internet is like the fucking bitch you go to at the bar when you want to get your dreams crushed, I rather have an elephant’s dick getting shoved up my fucking asshole while millions of fucking birds are taking a shit all over my fucking face, all the while being mauled by lions. I rather be in a room full of fucking apes, taking their shit out of their assholes and throwing their turds at my face! I rather be in a pool of fucking diarrhea, drowning to death in it than to go through this fucking shit! I rather have anything than to have this analfucking piece of bullshit being presented to me before my very fucking victimized fucking eyes.

It’s people like this that’s the reason why I contacted my fucking friend, because you can’t find a single goddamn helpful thing on the motherfucking internet, it’s either a snarky four word sentence, or a fucking essay long answer, just so they can show the length of their fucking dick, and shove it in your fucking faces. It’s like they’re playing a fucking game with you, the people on fucking forums are so flippant, they don’t care, it’s like they're just fucking with you, just to be fucking with you. It’s not as nice as it used to be in the past, where in 2003, you could ask a question and people would be so helpful and nice to each other. And of course, I picked Quora, because you can’t go one fucking day without seeing them in the fucking search results. This goes to show that you can ask anything in fucking Quora. Like literally anything. You could type in a fucking faggot sounding question like, “Can I get an alligators erect cock to ejaculate in my fucking mouth?”, and they’ll still have a fucking question on that site pertaining to that fucking question. Fuck the internet, and fucking this analshitsucking, shitfucking, cocksucking, motherfucking, doglicking, pissdrinking, bullshit eating, streetshitting, motherfucking site!

So after I got that tangent out of the way let’s continue. As I said before, I would avoid going on fucking forums, well, because of examples like I just shown earlier, and I just decided to do things the “normie” way this time. Yeah, that’s right, no internet, no fucking faggot forums, no fucking bullshit, nothing, I decided to read the goddamn book, because you know what, I’d rather read a fucking 60 page boring fucking chapter on how to ATLEAST do something useful than to go on the fucking internet and get treated like a fucking subhuman nigger, because at least in the book, there’s no bias, there’s no fucking around, there’s ACTUAL informative things to learn about in there. No stupid opinions or fucking discouraging statements, nothing like that, it’s like I have to fucking live like it’s the fucking 1800’s again with this shit. Like, MIGHT AS WELL GO TO THE FUCKING LIBRARY AND READ THE FUCKING BOOKS THERE! FUCK THE INTERNET!

So, months have finally passed, and J still haven’t responded to me. At this point I had completely forgotten about this guy and I decided to just go along my merry way. As I went through more days to come of this torturous shit, something happened… Around the middle of March, 2020, I woke up to a beautiful morning, as I have had the best sleep in my life. As I got out the bed, I headed toward my desktop, and as I usually did, I checked my fourm, which I did every week or so, to see if I had gotten a response from him yet, and there it was… The PM notification was lit green. I was like, holy fucking shit, this guy actually responded? I wasn’t expecting that. I opened the PM, and there it was, his reply to my message which was sent to him two months prior. How appropriate, as seeing his creepy photo again, this was posted on Friday the 13th, of all days, and it reads this,

“ᕼᗰᗰ.. ᗯEᒪᑭ I ᒍᑌᔕT YEETEᗪ ᗩᑎᗪ ᑕᗩᗰE ᕼEᖇE TO ᔕEE ᗯᕼᗩT ᕼᗩᑭᑭEᑎEᗪ ᕼEᖇE ᗩᑎYᗯᗩY, ᗷᑌT ᗷᖇᑌᑌᕼ.

ᒪET'ᔕ ᔕEE .. ᖴIᖇᔕT Oᖴ ᗩᒪᒪ..ᖴᑕK. ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ ᗷE ᑎIᑕE TO ᑕᕼᗩᑎGE TᕼE ᑭᖇOᖴIᒪE ᑭIᑕTᑌᖇE TᕼEᖇE ᗷᖇᑌᑌᕼ. IT ᖴᑕKᔕ ᗯITᕼ ᗰY ᗷᖇᗩIᑎ

ᔕEᑕOᑎᗪ Oᖴ ᗩᒪᒪ, YOᑌ ᑕOᑌᒪᗪ Oᖴ ᕼᗩᐯE ᒍᑌᔕT ᔕᗩIᗪ YOᑌ ᕼᗩᐯE ᔕᑌᑕᕼ (I ᕼᗩᐯE TO ᔕᗩY ᔕOᖇᖇY) ᗰEᑎTᗩᒪᒪY Iᒪᒪ ᑭᗩᖇEᑎTᔕ. TᕼᗩT'ᔕ ᐯEᖇY ᖴᑌᑕKEᗪ ᑌᑭ , ᑎO ᗯOᑎᗪEᖇ YOᑌ ᗩᖇE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪEᑭᖇEᔕᔕEᗪ ᗩᑎᗪ ᔕᕼIT ᒪIKE TᕼᗩT, ᒪIKE IT ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ ᗷE ᔕO ᕼᗩᖇᗪ ᖴOᖇ Yᗩ TO EᐯEᑎ ᑕᕼᗩᑎGE ᔕᑌᑕᕼ TᖇᗩᑌᗰᗩTIᑕ ᔕᕼIT. ᑭᖇOᒪᒪY. ᑎIᗷᗷᗩ , ᕼOᗯ ᗩᗷOᑌT GETTIᑎG TᕼE ᖴᑕK OᑌTTᗩ TᕼEᖇE

TᕼIᖇᗪ Oᖴ ᗩᒪᒪ ᗯIᒪᒪ ᗩᑕᑕEᑭT TᕼE ᗩᑭOᒪOGY. ᗷᑌT, ᔕIᑎᑕE I ᕼᗩᐯE ᗰY Oᗯᑎ ᔕᕼIT, ᗩᑎᗪ I'ᗰ ᑎOT IᑎTEᖇEᔕTEᗪ Iᑎ ᑎIᑎTEᑎᗪO ᔕTᑌᖴᖴ ᗩᑎᗪ GᗩᗰIᑎG ᒪIKE I ᑌᔕEᗪ TO, ᕼᗩᐯE ᗰY Oᗯᑎ ᔕTᑌᖴᖴ TO ᗪEᗩᒪ ᗯITᕼ (ᗯᕼIᑕᕼ I ᗩᑕTᑌᗩᒪᒪY ᗪIᗪᑎ'T EᐯEᑎ) ᗩᒪᒪ TᕼIᔕ TIᗰE I ᗯᗩᔕ ᗩ ᔕᕼᑌT-Iᑎ , Iᖴ YOᑌ ᑕOᑌᒪᗪ ᖇEᗰEᗰᗷEᖇ ᗯᕼᗩT ᗯE ᗯEᖇE TᗩᒪKIᑎG ᗩᗷOᑌT.

I'ᗰ EᐯEᑎ TOO ᑎIᑕE Tᗷᕼ, ᔕᑌᖇE I ᕼᗩTEᗪ YOᑌ, ᗷᑌT OᑎᒪY ᑕᑌᘔ YOᑌ ᒪEᖴT ᔕᑌᗪᗪEᑎᒪY, ᗩᑎᗪ YEᗩᕼ I ᗪIᗪ TᕼᗩT OᑎE OᑌTᗷᑌᖇᔕT Iᑎ TᕼE Eᑎᗪ. ᗰOOᗪ ᔕᗯIᑎGᔕ I ᕼᗩᐯE (ᗷᑌT ᗰEᕼ, 2018 Iᔕ ᗯᕼEᑎ I ᖇEᗩᒪᒪY ᔕTᗩᖇTEᗪ TO GET ᖴᑕKEᗪ ᑌᑭ ᗯITᕼ ᗪEᑭᖇEᔕᔕEᗪ ᔕTᑌᖴᖴ, ᗩᑎᗪ TᕼEᗰ ᗩᒪᒪ Oᖴ TᕼOᔕE ᗷEᖴOᖇE ᗯᗩᔕ ᒍᑌᔕT ᗰEᕼ ᑕᑌᘔ I ᕼᗩᗪ ᐯIᗪEO GᗩᗰEᔕ , I ᗪIᗪᑎ'T ᑭᒪᗩY ᗰᑌᑕᕼ, ᗷᑌT ᔕTIᒪᒪ TᕼE ᗷᖇᗩIᑎ ᖴOᑕᑌᔕEᗪ ᒪIKE IT ᗯᗩᔕ, TᕼO TᕼᗩT'ᔕ ᗷEᑕᗩᑌᔕE Oᖴ ᗰY ᔕITᑌᗩTIOᑎ, ᗯᕼO ᑕᗩᖇEᔕ, I KIᒪᒪEᗪ ᗰY ᖴEᗩᖇ Oᖴ TᗩᒪKIᑎG TO ᕼᑌᗰᗩᑎᔕ OᑎᒪIᑎE, ᔕO ᗰᗩᑎY ᗩT ᒪEᗩᔕT EᑎOᑌGᕼ ᖴOᖇ ᗰE).

4Tᕼ Oᖴ ᗩᒪᒪ, I ᑕᗩᑎ'T ᗷE ᗩᑎᗪ ᗯOᑎ'T ᗷE ᒪE ᔕᗩᗰE ᑭᖇOᒪᒪY, ᑕᗩᑎ'T ᗷE ᔕᑌᖇE. YOᑌᖇ ᗩTTITᑌᗪE ᗩᔕ I'ᐯE ᔕEEᑎ ᗷEᖴOᖇE ᗪIᗪ OOᖴ ᗰE ᗩ ᒪIᒪ. ᒪIKE I ᖇEᗰEᗰᗷEᖇ YOᑌ ᑕOᗰᑭᒪᗩIᑎIᑎG ᗩᗷOᑌT ᗰᗩᑎY ᔕᕼIT Iᑎ ᒪE ᒍOᗷ ᑎ OTᕼEᖇ ᔕTᑌᖴᖴ. TᕼO TᕼᗩT'ᔕ ᗷEᑕᗩᑌᔕE Oᖴ YOᑌᖇ ᑭᗩᖇEᑎTᔕ , TᕼEY ᗩᖇE Iᑎ ᖴᗩᑌᒪT, Yᗩ ᑎEEᗪ TO GET TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕK OᑌTTᗩ TᕼEᖇE.. I ᑌᑎᗪEᖇᔕTᗩᑎᗪ. ᗪEᔕᑭITE ᗷEIᑎG ᗩ TOTᗩᒪ ᔕᕼᑌT Iᑎ, I ᒪEᗩᖇᑎEᗪ TOᑎᔕ Oᖴ ᑕᖇᗩᑭ , ᔕOᗰE TᖇᑌTᕼᔕ Oᖴ ᒪE ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ, OᑎᒪIᑎE, TᗩᒪKIᑎG ETᑕ, EᐯEᑎ Iᖴ ᒪITTᒪE, IT'ᔕ ᖴᑕKEᗪ ᑌᑭ. ᗩᑎᗪ ᗷOI YOᑌ ᗩᖇE Iᑎ ᗩᗰEᖇIᑕᗩ (ᗪEᔕᑭITE ᑭEOᑭᒪE ᔕᗩYIᑎG ᕼOᗯ ᗷᗩᗪ IT Iᔕ ETᑕ.) EᐯEᑎ ᗷEIᑎG ᑭOOᖇ TᕼEᖇE Iᔕ ᗩ ᒪᑌ᙭ᑌᖇY ᖴOᖇ ᗰᗩᑎY ᕼᑌᗰᗩᑎᔕ OᑌT TᕼEᖇE.

ᔕTᗩᖇT ᒪIKIᑎG ᖴᒪOᗯEᖇᔕ ᗪᑌᗪE, ᗩᑎIᗰᗩᒪᔕ TOO. (ᕼᑌᖇT ᗰE ᗯᕼEᑎ Yᗩ TᗩᒪKEᗪ ᗩᗷOᑌT ᔕᕼIT ᗩᗷOᑌT Eᗰ, TᕼE ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ Iᔕ GETTIᑎG ᖴᑕKEᗪ ᑌᑭ). TOO ᗷᗩᗪ ᐯIᖇᑌᔕ ᗷᗩᖇEᒪY KIᒪᒪEᗪ ᔕᕼIT.

ᔕO YEᗩᕼ ᒪEᗰᗰE ᔕᗩY TᕼIᔕ I ᗯOᑎ'T TE᙭T TOO ᗰᑌᑕᕼ, ᑕᑌᘔ I ᕼᗩᐯE ᑎO OTᕼEᖇ ᑌᔕE ᖴOᖇ ᔕTEᗩᗰ OTᕼEᖇ Tᕼᗩᑎ TᕼE ᔕᗩᗰE TᕼIᑎG I ᕼᗩᗪ ᔕO. Iᖴ Yᗩ ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ ᔕᗩY ᔕOᗰETᕼIᑎG TE᙭T ᒪOTᔕᗩ ᔕᕼIT , I'ᒪᒪ TᖇY ᖇEᑕOᐯEᖇIᑎG TᕼᗩT ᗩᑕᑕOᑌᑎT . I TᕼIᑎK I KᑎOᗯ ᒪE ᑭᗩᔕᔕᗯOᖇᗪᔕ

ᔕO TE᙭T , I'ᒪᒪ ᔕEE ᗯᕼEᑎ I ᕼᗩᐯE TᕼE TIᗰE... ᗩᑎᗪ ᗷETTEᖇ TEᒪᒪ ᗰE TᕼE ᗯᕼOᒪE ᖴᑕKᑎ ᔕTOᖇY Oᖴ YOᑌᖇ ᗰEᑎTᗩᒪ ᔕᕼ IT TᕼEᖇE. Iᖴ Yᗩ ᗯᗩᑎT ᗷᖇᑌᑌᕼ.

I ᗯOᑎ'T ᗷE Iᑎ IT ᗩᒪᒪ TᕼE TIᗰE. ᖴᑕK TᕼIᔕ ᗪEᒍᗩ ᐯᑌ ᔕᕼIT. ᗯᕼY ᗩᗰ I GETTIᑎG ᑭᖇEᗪIᑕTIOᑎᔕ ᖇIGᕼT, ᗯᕼO ᗩᗰ I , ᗯᕼᗩT ᗩᗰ I ᗯEᒪᒪ YEET TᕼᗩT ᗯᕼOᗰᔕTᐯE ᑕᗩᖇEᔕ

ᗩᑎᗪ ᒪEᒪ I EᖇᗩᔕEᗪ EᐯEᖇYTᕼIᑎG I ᗰᗩᗪE Iᑎ ᔕᗰᗷ᙭, ᗯᗩᔕ TᕼᗩT ᗩ ᗰIᔕTᗩKE TᕼO IT ᗯᗩᔕ , ᗯᗩᔕ IT ᖴᑕK . ᗩᑎYᗯᗩY

ᗪOᑎ'T TᕼIᑎK I'ᒪᒪ ᗷE TᕼE ᔕᗩᗰE TᕼO, ᑕᗩᑎ'T TᖇᑌᔕT ᔕᕼIT. ᗷᑌT, TᕼIᔕ TIᗰE ᒪET'ᔕ TᖇY ᗩGᗩIᑎ. TᕼO I ᗯOᑎ'T ᗷE ᗩᒪᗯᗩYᔕ TᕼEᖇE ᑎ ᕼEᖇE,

ᗩIGᕼT ᑕYᗩ, ᔕTEᗩᗰ TIᗰE

ᗩᑭOᒪOGY ᗩᑕᑕEᑭTEᗪ, ᗷᑌT Yᗩ OᗯE ᗰE TᕼE ᗯᕼOᒪE ᔕTOᖇY Oᖴ YOᑌᖇ ᒪIᖴE, ᗯᕼY ᕼOᗯ ᗩᑎᗪ ᗯᕼEᑎ, ᗩᑎᗪ OᑎᒪY TᕼIᑎG I ᑕᗩᑎ ᗪO Iᔕ ᒪIᔕTEᑎ, ᗩᑎᗪ TE᙭T Yᗩ ᗯITᕼ ᗯOᖇᗪᔕ, ᗰᗩYᗷE EᐯEᑎ ᕼEᒪᑭ ᗯITᕼ Eᗰ. ᖴIᖇᔕT ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ ᗷE TᖇY TO GET TᕼE ᖴᑕK OᑌTTᗩ YOᑌᖇ ᑭᗩᖇEᑎTᔕ, ᒪIKE TᕼᗩT ᗷE TO᙭Iᑕ ᗩᔕ ᔕᕼIT, ᕼOᒪY ᖴᑕK, I'ᐯE ᔕEEᑎ ᔕᕼIT ᗩᑎᗪ ᕼEᗩᖇᗪ, ᖴᖇOᗰ OTᕼEᖇᔕ, ᗷᑌT YOᑌᖇ ᗷE Oᑎ ᑎᑌᗰᗷEᖇ OᑎE ᔕᑭOT. ᗩIGᕼT ᑕYᗩ. ᗩᑎᗪ ᑭᒪEᗩᔕE ᑕᕼᗩᑎGE TᕼE ᗪᗩᗰᑎ ᑭIᑕTᑌᖇE ᕼEᖇE, ᖴOᖇ ᖴIᖇᔕT TᗩᔕK , ᑕᕼIᒪᒪᔕ, ᗩᑎᗪ ᑕOᑎᔕIᗪEᖇIᑎG TᕼE ᖴOᖇᑌᗰᔕ ᔕITᑌᗩTIOᑎ IT'ᔕ EᐯEᑎ ᑕᖇEᑭᑭY. ᔕOᗰE ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ ᔕᗩY ᑕᑌᖇᔕEᗪ. ᔕO ᑕYᗩ”

I’ll admit, I lied about everything. Literally the entire day, I was lying my ass off, because for one, I did not want upset him about the fact that I didn’t appreciate his attitude at the time, so I’d just began to make up stories as I went along, challengely improvising lies just so I could win him back. Yeah, it’s my fault for contacting him, but hey, I’ve already learned my lesson not to go onto search engines in general anymore, and even though I’ve poked the hornet’s nest, at least I could have someone to ramble to.

Throughout the entire day, we’d began to recount all our moments spent together from the first day we met on the forum, to see if I truly cared about him, and if I was truly worthy of his friendship. It was like a test, and throughout the entire day, I would feel it’s though, as if a gun was being held to my head, that if I were to say the wrong thing, then he would pull the trigger. This was a make it or break it situation, as I was put through this whole endurance round of proving my honesty and sincerity with him. I began to rethink about the times I’ve been with him, as the more times I was able to recount to him, the more and more it had began to click in my head. As each minute had passed, and each hour had passed, I'd began to grow closer and closer to him again, and just like how he was begging me and eating out of my hand, I was the one who was begging him to come back and eat out of mine.

Our chat session lasted for the entire day. We first recollected about the first time meeting on the forum, as he had joined around 2012. As we went along with our plan, he would often self-deprecate himself, saying how he was a stupid kid back then and that he hated the name that he chose for his forum profile, ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ, which I didn’t understand, as to this day, I would still refer to him as ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ. As I chatted with him, our conversation progressed further and further, talking more about the years that went by with our livelihoods, and the history of our growing friendship. The more that I conversed with him, the more I’d began to feel a sense of regret for leaving him in a state like this, as because the more I chatted with him, the more I began to realize how different this guy was. He wasn’t as immature as I thought he was, and he had seemed to civil up a little bit, abandoning his obsessive traits as before, and just being more composed and quiet.

As the more we progressed in conversation, he would also recount all the times that I was immature in the past, and I’m assuming that stunt was pulled to get me to feel guilty for what I’ve done in the past, but I couldn’t say anything at this point as this was our first day after all, so I just kept moving forward. All was good so far, and we’ve ended our conversation on a positive note, our conversation spanning for what had been like hours, leading all the way up to 5’o-clock in the evening. We said our goodbyes and went along our ways, and that was that. I’ve realized at this point, that I’d opened myself up to that same door that I wanted to keep shut, but because of all the stupidity of the fucking internet that I’ve had to endure, and all its vitriolic glory to come with, I had no choice but to open that door, once again.

As days went on, our reunification was stronger than ever before, as we talked for hours on end, talking about the things that we used to talk about. I’d began to discuss my favorite games with him and he would discuss his favorites as well. As he is more mature (seemingly) now, we would also discuss and rant about current events that’s going on in his life and the world. Very often or not, for some reason though, he seemed to have an obsession with national populations, as he would constantly talk about starting a crusade or bringing up mass sterilization of the human race, mostly due to his hatred for his people who inhabited the country that he lived in.

Everyday, he talked about this thing called, “natural selection”, and would mention things like how this country has 40,000,000 people living in it, and that country has 63,000,000 people, and that wanted those country’s populations cut in half. I of course, thought this was childish but I would just play along, as deep down inside I thought about how inhumane and wrong that was, but I just looked passed that at the time. He would talk about other things as well, such as his personal life, what he’s currently doing at the moment, and the weather.

Overtime, over the course of a few months, as the more I conversed with this guy, I would start to become more comfortable talking with him as he was no stranger to venting and this was the perfect opportunity to vent my frustrations with him even further, as I would talk about my experiences with people during college and how they weren't accepting or interacting with me compared to everyone else in the school and apparently, as they would hold a short, two-second conversation with me and then turning around and holding a conversation with their peers for hours on end. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one. Come to find out, he would get the same treatment as well and we discussed how bullshit it was, going through that kind of treatment, and I was surprised that he went through that process too.

Day, after day, it would be just like old times again, we would post the OST of the day from our favorite video games, and we would listen to each other’s favorite tracks every now and then. I had never been as close, as I’ve ever been before, but just like how things would go full circle, just like how J used to be dependent upon me, as he used to look up to me as an admin and a father figure, I have become the dependent one, as I used to literally wait for hours at a time to come and chat with him. I was the one who desperately needed comfort from the trauma that the world has instilled upon me, especially my job. I would began to rely on him more, and more; and sometimes not wanting him to leave, because I didn’t want to be left alone in the dark due to the trauma and stress that was instilled onto me at the time!

I would chat longer than before, going from literally 7 in the fucking morning, all the way up until 5 in the evening, all day, everyday. I was becoming a lazy hamster at this point, like a prostitute whore, cum dumpster, not getting any exercise, sitting around in my dark room like this, every single day. As I talked with him more, and more, I would constantly bring food to my table in my room, as the only entertainment I’ve seeked out of my life, was chatting with him, more and more and sadly, as I began to chat with him more regularly, or you can say, MORE than regularly, I’d began to discuss my personal business. Now, here’s the problem with me. I tend to be shy at times in the real world, and while I’m trying my best to learn assertiveness and aggression, standing up for myself and all that; I tend to give away my personal business when I get too close to people, and that’s what I did when I discussed to my friend J, my plans for the company.

As you already know, I hadn’t fully given up on video games entirely, as I still have plans for the company, but as I’ve said before, I refuse to disclose all the names of the games that I’m working on, as I want to keep that secret, and for many obvious reasons. One reason is because I don’t want people to take my ideas and apply them to their games, as there are multiple occurrences of fake, Chinese knockoffs on the rise recently, and I don’t want my blueprints to become a victim of that; and two, you don’t know who I am, I don’t know who you are, so I’m doing most of this for anonymity sake, and let’s just say that I don’t want bad publicity because of this.

I discussed not only my dream game that I was working on, but also other games that I’ve planned on making in the future. As I told you before, I have a huge line up of conceptual IP’s for my company, and all of them were developed during the rush of creativity that I had around the craze for Nintendo back in 2016, when I first got my New 3DS XL. So, I disclosed all of the games, literally outlining every single one and saying that I was going to make all of them. Of course, he responded saying that it’s going to take a long time, as you would need a team, but like I said, these are just conceptual. If I were to make those games, I would be only happy, if I had just made ONE of those games, especially the primary which my would be mascot for the company, Insect Mashers, were to come true!

As I’ve discussed the ideas that I had for ALL my games, I’d began to share the sprites that I had kept secret in a folder, which is still important to me to this day. It’s a resource of all the sprites for the player, enemies, backgrounds, and etc., and I kept it top secret, but until this point, I had begun to share those sprites via the chatroom. I believe that Steam’s chatroom is private so no one can see our conversations, however I am pretty skeptical about the steam URL when you open an image. Anyways, I would send him images of all the sprites that I’ve made for the game, and granted they weren’t scaled up to normal resolution as they were mostly 16x16 - 32x32 images, and they were very small, they were still somewhat viewable. Along with that, I would also send him concept sketches for the game mechanics, and the enemies that I would implement in the future for the games as well.

I would even go into great detail about the lore that I’ve written for those games, as I’ve written 10 years worth of fucking lore, to the point where it’s almost Star Wars level. I would discuss in depth, the creation of the world, to the dark lords (yes, Insect Mashers is more lore intense than you think), to multiple planets and kingdoms, and how there had been a bug war that invaded humanity and that it’s up to the Insect Mashers to stop the bugs from taking over the world and defeating the Queen Bee. I’ve taken lots of inspiration from Nintendo and even Star Wars for expanding the lore for those games, and I would go on to tell him everything about that in great detail.

As I begin to tell him everything that I had been writing, all the games that I’ve been planning to make, and basically just giving him a sea of exposition, I’d began to notice something different about him as time went on. He seemed to become more quiet… Yeah, like he would listen to everything that I would say, and he would diverge from the subject at hand. I’d began to notice it subtlety, but it didn’t bother me at the time, as I was more invested in telling him about the great stories and lore that I’ve written for those games; however the more I’ve talked to him, the more he’d began to become more aggressive and just not give a shit about what I had to say at all. He would literally change the subject, even after minutes, of pure text. Maybe it’s bad on my end because I was talking a hole in his head, but the real J would never do this! He used upbeat, energetic and enthused about what I had to say, and he would FUCKING engage in conversation at hand.

At this point, I was getting used to spending nearly the entire fucking day talking to this guy, I’m serious, he would not seem to move a muscle. It would almost seem like he’s a robot, at some points making me feel like I’m talking to a chatbot, just always there, and never moving. Throughout the day, we would, or I WOULD try to get him to discuss things with me, as I tried to talk to him about my personal grievances and rants, ranging from childish and trivial to more serious and personal and he doesn’t seem to care about what I had to say most of the time. As I would begin to discuss theories with him, he would just shove it all to the side and just disregard it altogether, without engaging or bringing anything to the fucking table as a sign of acknowledgement of what had been said before. As I encountered this issue more throughout our chat session, the more I had begun to get fucking aggravated as time went on.

I remember chatting with my friend about SMBX, you know the good old days as it was the main reason why I loved the SNES-era of games, and we’d discuss about how much we missed the good old days of SMBX, and how sad it was that Redegit was forced to remove SMBX by Nintendo. As I went into detail about my theory, I began to say something about that I was beginning to think that maybe Redegit removed SMBX because he wanted to move onto Terraria, which makes sense, if you think about it. Why would Redegit suspiciously ask all the users to remove Terraria, AND LITERALLY WITHIN A SPAN OF FIVE MONTHS, the game for Terraria has already been announced! Unless he had been having a huge team working on the game prior to this under the radar, it’s not possible to work on a game within a five month span. It usually takes games like fucking years before it even reaches the beta stages of development. So seeing all the sprites loaded in the game, with the backgrounds and everything, and had all the bugs worked out all within the same year of 2011? Yeah, that’s not happening…

Well, anyways, I was discussing this with my friend to see what he thinks of the matter, and he literally just responded with, “Welp… IDK”, just nonchalant. Reading that for the first time, threw me off for the first time. Who the hell responds like that? It’s like he wasn’t even paying attention the whole time! At least TRY to sound like you’re interested in what I have to say. Like seriously, who the fuck does that!? At least when I let J talk, and respond with a novel long post, I at least try to pretend that I’m interested in the conversation at hand, and not just respond vaguely with phrases like, “IDK”, or, “I guess.”.

As I beginning to grow closer to him, my relationship within was beginning to distance itself farther, and farther away simultaneously. Over the course of three months, my experience with him was beginning to get more sourer than the fucking minute it first started. It all started one day, with me chatting with him as usual… I was telling him more ideas about my game, showing him new sprites for Insect Mashers. One of the sprites that I showed him was a prototype, test sprite that I made in Graphics Gale, which took me about 30 minutes to make. It was a girl in a dark blue swimsuit, and he said that it looked really nice, and that I did a very good job on it. I took that as a compliment, and I began to show other sprites that I’ve worked on to him. As I was showing more, and more sprites in the Steam chat room, I’d begin to notice something different about him.

He was taking an awfully long time to respond to my posts. Now I know what you might be saying, but this isn’t the obsessive boyfriend story that you usually see in generic horror stories; but more akin to feeling that he was acting out of character. For at least five minutes at a time, he would take a fucking long time to fucking respond to the posts that I made, and I thought that was something J would never do. How the fuck, do you go from literally, being devoted to your computer, posting almost every fucking second after I would post something, (like literally, our speeds of message output were almost the fucking same) to being so fucking slow in responding to texts, that within that amount of time, it would be the same as going to the bathroom to take a piss?

I do often have theories for this, as he would often tell me that he has bad internet and slow connection, which is understandable as usually in third-world countries, their Wi-Fi isn’t the greatest Another theory is that maybe it’s the connection on my end, and that Steam would often throw me an error message, saying that there was an error sending the message, which by the way, happened often; but bottom line, this was really out of fucking character for me. He would literally take fucking five to almost six minutes just to fucking respond, and I know that he told me several times as well that he often eats as he’s chatting with me, but he would’ve let me know beforehand. I always let him know what I’m eating when I’m chatting with him, and he does the same, so what’s stopping him from fucking replying? The fact that he wasn’t telling me that he had bad connection either made me think that he just stopped caring about the conversation at this point.

So, after these chain of events throughout that day, I went offline, fucking frustrated at the moment. I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. I was so fed up with him, realizing that this wasn’t the J that I used to know and love. Even the psychotic J a year ago, was more acceptable, and, understanding compared to this J; but here, it’s like he just doesn’t give a shit. I’m literally sitting at my computer throughout the entire day as this event had unfolded before my very eyes, and it got me thinking if this guy is just an emotionless robot with no expression on his face whatsoever, and just doesn’t care anymore, or he’s just playing fucking games with me.

However, because of my leniency, and the will to always give people a second chance, I would eventually go online to see if he was alright and he literally acted like he didn’t even miss me. He didn’t even say anything, or asked if I was okay, or where I was or what I was doing, no he just kept twiddling his thumbs at his fucking keyboard, doing absolutely fucking nothing. So, I started replying to him shortly after going back online, explaining (an attempt to get empathy) the situation that happened at stake. I told him that there was a power outage (which could make sense, it was raining that day) and that was the reason why my status was changed to offline. He just responded with, “Oh, okay.”, no empathy whatsoever, no emotion… Just, “okay…”. I remember being fucking disgusted by this response. I cannot believe that this is what my friend had become, as the fucking J that I used to know had left the fucking room, and the asshole J had entered the room now. So, irritated, I told him, “Well, I’m going to sign off now and do my studies as usual again… Don’t expect me to talk to you when you contact me again”. After saying that, he then began to pick up on the tone of that sentence, saying that I sounded, “Tsundere-ish”, but to me, I was like whatever...

After that incident, I didn’t want to talk to him ever again, and this is when my relation with him would begin to slip, farther and farther away than ever before. It was like trying to patch an unsinkable ship, as our friendship rocked back and forth, eventually plummeting to it’s demise. It was like trying to fucking patch a shotgun wound to the fucking head, while blood is seeping excruciatingly quick all over the fucking floor, brains scattered all over the place. I would go many days without talking to him after that fucking incident and I was pissed. I wanted to ditch him altogether again, but for some reason I still saw hope in him. For whatever reason, I still thought that I should give this guy another chance, however that chance came to me in the form of two days later when my friend began to contact me again. Now, it is true that I had homework the day prior, so I guess it’s a double whammy for me in a way. After getting back on our feet after that incident, I then showed him screenshots of a prototype that I’ve been working on for Insect Mashers, in Game Maker Studio 2. I had surprisingly gotten better at programming at this point, full understanding what goes on behind the scenes and finally learning about the concepts of X and Y values in code, as I realize that those are the main elements that drive the entire game, I showed him the in’s and out’s of my progress in developing the game.

After showing him all this, of course, because he wanted to become a game developer, he said that it was all Greek to him and that he’d wish he’d understand what all that code meant. I’d began to explain what every code meant in the block of code, as I’ve studied it religiously until finally grasping the concept. I also finally got my fucking collision code to work after so many years of trial and error! I’d also explain what the other code does, as I showcased it for the enemies and surprisingly he seemed to have an understanding of what all of this meant, but he just didn’t know how to apply it on paper. He seemed to be hopeless (keyword here, as it’ll be important in a few sentences) in learning all of this, because he doesn’t have the potential to be a game developer. I remember telling him not to say that, and that great practice, comes great perfection, and how everything just takes time. After this exchange of words with him, from explaining the code and the mechanics of my game that I was working on, I started to notice that he seemed to be in a better mood so far as he would start responding nearly faster than the day he had been lackluster in doing prior. Our friendship then instantly began to go right back up from there once again.

It seemed like after a while, my friendship was finally coming back together again, and he seemed to be getting along just fine after that incident. Maybe he was just having a bad day at that time, and all the other days he would just be fine again. So, as our chat sessions persisted daily throughout the entirety of April, I began to discuss mostly SMBX related content with him, mostly due to the fact that thanks to me chatting with J again, I’d began to like video games again. It seemed like to me, in the past, I was just being immature, and narrow-minded, generalizing the gaming community as a whole, but this time, I’ve decided to set all my biases aside and just focus more on programming and maybe, just MAYBE, I’ll probably be able to finish my uncomplete SMBX projects like MEDHDE (Mario’s Epic Days: HD Edition), and TTOTET (The Tales of the Evil Twins). We’d began to discuss ideas on what to implement in those projects as if I were to remake them again, and we had fun doing so.

Another thing that I discussed with him about doing was getting back to making let’s plays for my channel again. I haven’t done let’s plays in a long time if you didn’t know, and that’s because throughout the latter half of 2018, I accidentally broke my Logitech microphone headset that I had used for commentary. So, we’ve discussed about what microphone I should get, and eventually, I’ve made the decision to buy one that same day. Shortly after, because of that decision, I had decided to make an announcement for my channel saying that I was going to get back into doing let’s plays on my channel again, and that I was sorry for the two year hiatus that I’ve put this channel through, as I was really busy (and STRESSED) throughout 2019. I was really getting back on my feet with all of this, from making my game to doing let’s plays. I even thought about buying an El Gato for my Nintendo Switch, which is a video capturing device that you connect to your TV, and it can output footage to your computer.

Everything was going really fine, and I had a lot of plans that year. Mostly the productivity of my game and me wanting to finally go all in and finishing it once and for all! Over the course of a few weeks as well; my friendship with J was finally back to normal again and it seemed to be growing from there. Maybe things were not as bad as I hoped it would be. Maybe this shotgun wound wasn’t as bad after all, and maybe life would eventually get better from there. It seemed like I had a whole future ahead of me, and life couldn’t get any better from that point on.

Well sadly, because this is Roger we’re talking about here and because this is the current day, the internet didn’t agree with that, and over the course of a few weeks, I’d began to also get discouraged more, and fucking more as time went on. It’s like as if you built up a beautiful building that you’ve spent so many years building up to that point, and you’ve finally completed it, you’ve implemented the fancy architectural designs, the planning, the materials, everyhing, and then three weeks later, a 9/11 like attack happens, crashing the entire infrastructure right back down like a fucking Jenga tower. Throughout those weeks, I would begin to voice my frustrations, as I kept looking up tips online for video editing with my friend J. Of course, this was on the Adobe forums again, and the people on there are such fucking assholes as usual.

I remember I was doing the upcoming announcement video for my channel about my return, and I’ve recorded the entire video with my microphone. As I began to export it to Adobe After Effects, I wanted to update the aesthetic of my channel, as if you didn’t know, I went for fancy intros and animations in my videos to appeal to new audiences and maybe even getting decent a decent traffic in views on the platform. Granted, I wanted to still have a niche audience, I still wanted to make my channel look, somewhat representable. So, I wanted to add a nice effect to my video, you know, so it won’t be just a boring video with just a picture on screen with me narrating in the background. I decided that I wanted to add an audio spectrum effect to the video. For those who don’t know, audio spectrums are animating sound bars, that move with the volume of your voice, making the video look more professional, and that was the effect that I was trying to achieve.

I looked up a tutorial on how to apply this effect, and then after doing everything in the tutorial, I went on to render the video. Everything was all happy and jolly from there, right? Fucking wrong! I was incredibly mistaken, as I found out that when you export a video in After Effects, the FUCKING VIDEO SIZE IS HUGE! I remember, I had about like, 148 GB’s left on my hard drive and when I went to export the video, I’M NOT FUCKING KIDDING! 16 minutes of video time, RESULTED IN FUCKING 148 GB’s of fucking storage. I’m serious, it ate the entire rest of the remainder of my fucking hard drive. So, my computer began to run slow, unsurprisingly, and I had to restart my entire PC and delete the fucking video. Even when watching the video, the video didn’t render properly either. The audio was stuttering, and it would skip every few seconds or so, either speeding up my voice or slowing it down.

So, obviously, me not knowing about Adobe After Effects, and how it works; I’ve decided to take to Google and crucify myself once more with this undeserved shit... I couldn’t believe I was doing this again, as like I said, I rarely look up shit on the fucking internet now, due to the fucking uncooperativeness of the fucking replies to questions that I wanted to know the fucking answers to. So, I googled on how to fix the problem with Adobe After Effects and if there is a way to compress the video to a smaller size, as there has to be an option for computers that can’t afford to have that much high performance on their PC’s, right? Like, come on, the fact that it wasn’t even MOTION VIDEO, and was literally a fucking piece of audio recording of myself, talking into the microphone, and the only thing that’s moving is just the animating bars should be nothing, right? Nothing intense, right? Well, sadly, I was wrong again, as I followed the five-step formula, once again, on how to get offended, and what resulted was a thread pertaining to the same question at hand. In it, was one of the most biased fucking reply that I’ve ever read in my fucking life. It’s like opening up a room to a bloody fucking corpse.

“You can either update to an SSD, or just stick with your crumby video.”

I’m going to go off discussion for a second and this is just another reiterated rant about my frustration with this shit, but why do people do this? Why do people just think it’s a good idea to be a fucking dick like this? Don’t people have any fucking humanity anymore? You didn’t have to say it like that, I mean, the person asked a fucking question. I mean it’s not like he asked a question on how to kidnap someone and hold them for ransom money, or anything like that, it was just a simple question. Why, did you have to fucking word it like that. Couldn’t you have just said, “I’m sorry, but Adobe AE is very CPU intensive. I recommended that you get an SSD, as you’ll be able to get better performance and better quality, and hopefully things work out from there! Good luck!”. But no, they have to be a fucking asshole about it. It’s fucking bullshit, and it’s not just one forum like I said, it’s every single fucking forum that I go to that does the same fucking shit, over and over again. I don’t know what it is about fucking forums that has this fucking condescending, rude mentality to them. I mean, you might as well go on fucking 4chan for that matter, and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to fucking waste braincells on a site that should be professional, differ otherwise.

So, of course, I was pissed, unsurprisingly, and I’d began to discuss this incident with J, and he agreed. This is the one time I was able to get someone to finally fucking agree with me for once in my entire life! We discussed how frustrating it is to look for answers on forums, only to be met by fucking bigoted, biased, and condescending fucking assholes! It was literally a waste of fucking time and not productive at all.

As weeks went by, as I would continued to get more discouraged, day, after day by this fucking bullshit, I was beginning to beocme fed up. I was fed up with it all. I was fed up with the fucking bullshit that I’m seeing and that I’m reading and I couldn’t take it anymore. My patience was wearing out, and it goes to show, that there’s more proof, that people don’t have any morals anymore. It seems like morality is dead in this world. Seriously, almost everyone is a fucking asshole on the fucking internet, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I woke up to a beautiful, sunny morning, hoping that a perfect day that would never come, would finally arrive, as I began to browse the internet once again.

I was searching on Google, as I wanted to go to a website dedicated to learning about GML (Game Maker Language), and my eyes crossed a discouraging article that had reared it’s ugly head at me, and in it, was the most defeatist, hurtful, and discouraging thing that I’ve ever read in my fucking life. I, actually forgot about what the article was about, and I don’t want to remember it either, but combined with the fact that my OCD, anxiety and depression were really prevalent in my life, I decided to truly commit suicide. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was fucking done with life, and the world that I thought to be as happy as it was, as I thought that I was going to live a peaceful life/in a world full of (supposedly) accepting people; as we’ve gone past barbarianism, such as both world wars, colonialism, and imperialism, I thought we would have a sense of morality by then... I thought, after we’ve built revolutionary foundations, standard living practices, and common ethics, you would think we would’ve evolved into the 21st century? But sadly, that isn’t the case, as the world is just as shitty, and filled with EVEN more shitty people than ever fucking before.

After reading that, my skin began to turn pale, I began to feel a sense of emptiness inside of me, as a sense of hopelessness, had swept over me like a person, who had drowned at sea, desperately trying to save himself, as the rushing tidal waves persisted, dragging him down to the Mariana’s Trench below, only to be discovered unidentified and unfound, in a pile of unrecognizable John Doe’s, in skeletal form, as they rested nonchalantly and lifeless, among the seafloor. I then took to Facebook, as I had an account on there, where I would alternately interact with my friend, via the chatroom as well, and I’ve made a post on my Facebook wall, stating that I was done with life and I couldn’t take it anymore. It was a suicide letter…

Shortly after, I would began to anticipate my suicide, as I went into my closet and reached for a belt. After doing so, I started pacing around the house, thinking where would be the best spot to do it at and then I found it. I then decided to hang myself, Robin Williams style, and went in the garage, and wedged the belt in between the top of the door and the roof of the doorsill; I shut the door and got a stool and I begun to put my neck inside of the belt noose. At that moment, there’s no going back, I was fed up with my fucking life at that point. I just couldn’t take it anymore. The fucking people who didn’t care about me throughout the ten years of my fucking life, ranging from being lonely at church, to not having friends at school, to no one giving a fucking shit about me at my work, combined with the fact that I’m dealing with fucking assholes on the internet and things not going my way; at this point, I realized that I was a fucking nobody, and people had killed my dreams. After going through the palette of those evidential thoughts, it was enough for me to be convinced that I should finally do it. I thought long and hard, and then it was final… I kicked the stool from under me, as I began to become suspended in the air, from the neck, down.

As I was slowly asphyxiating myself to death, as everything got darker, and darker, and my vision was getting blurrier, and blurrier, the next thing I know, I suddenly hit the ground. I looked up to see what had happened. My suicide attempt had failed… Come to realize, the weight of my body was so intense on the noose, that it tore the belt in half. I remember reacting to this for the first time, half of me realizing that I just survived a suicide attempt, and the other half, pissed that karma decided to let me live, just so I can endure this pain even more. As I walked back into my room, I was so traumatized after the events that had just unfolded.

I was shaking in my room, and I could not keep my composure, as a million thoughts were racing in my head, all at once. My throat, as expected, was a bit sore. I then checked on steam only to find that my friend was asking me if I was okay, as he was worried that I had killed myself. Shaking at my desk, looking at the screen with a dead look in my eyes, as if I couldn’t process what was going on in front of me, I finally had the motivation to tell him that I was fine. A huge sigh of relief was then expelled from him and then eventually mine. I began to explain to him what had happened, and just simply told him that I was done with this world. The world mistreated me, and every passing day, was like a countdown to my death. After my testimony to him, he began to comfort me, telling me that everything was going to be okay, however on the inside I was not okay. I was fucked in the head at this point, and at any given second, I could’ve killed the next person I saw.

We chatted for a while, him comforting me and everything, as he tried to talk me out of the nonsense that I was spewing, but it was no use, at this point, I was having a mental breakdown. I had become mental at that point, and for the next two months, I would never become the same again… I had become so fucking fed up with this world, that I began adopting this new slogan in my life, as the lifeless look in my eyes, glared on at the computer screen, typing…

“People killed my dreams…”.

My friend tried to tell me not to say things like that, but at this point, I was already at the point of no return. You know, as much as I fucking hate TV Tropes, there is a trope page on the site called, “Heroic BSOD”. It’s a term used when someone is in a state of mind that is unalterable, and cannot be reconciled with; he will be determined to do that one thing, as it had been decided in his head what he must do, and it’s usually for the worst. I went through a heroic BSOD throughout the entire day. My friend then told me that he had to go, as he had to eat dinner and that he’ll be right back. I obliged, still with that empty, thousand yard stare into my eyes…

While he was gone, I was on my iPhone at the time, as I usually chat with him there when I don’t feel like chatting with him on Steam. I was laying on the floor emotionless, and filled with pure fucking hopelessness as I began to repeat this same mantra, over, and over, and over, and over again…

“I ᗩᗰ ᗩ ᑎOᗷOᗪY

I ᗩᗰ ᗩ ᖴᗩIᒪᑌᖇE

I ᕼᗩᐯE ᑎO ᑭOTEᑎTIᗩᒪ

I ᕼᗩᐯE ᑎO ᖴᑌTᑌᖇE

ᗰY ᗪᖇEᗩᗰᔕ ᗩᖇE ᗰEᗩᑎIᑎGᒪEᔕᔕ”

I would continue to write this same mantra, spamming the chatroom with this same message, over, and over, and over again for what must’ve been like 20-30 minutes. It got worse over time, and as I kept typing this same message, over, and over, and over again, it eventually escalated to caps, constantly repeating the same phrase, countless of times, as it got crazier and crazier as well.

My friend eventually came back from dinner and saw all of this nonsensical spewing of messages, and he was like, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE! WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK!”, he had found me in a state of a mental breakdown. He’d begin to ask me what had happened, and I just replied with the same, “People killed my dreams…”. At this point, my friend began to feel empathetic towards me and he hoped that I’d get better soon. As usual, I chatted with him, outlining my frustrations with the world, how much I fucking hate people and addressing the hurtful things that they’ve said to me. This was however short, as this all occurred 20 minutes before his bedtime, and all he could do was wish me good luck as he, as usual, appeared offline and went to bed at that point.

This same mentality would eventually carry on to future days to come, as I had already uninstalled GMS2 and deleted my sprite folder. Yes, that’s right… I deleted all my sprites that I’ve worked on the dream game that I always wanted to fucking make, and it goes to show that, that’s how fucking low the internet got me to be. After these series of events, I began to converse with my friend, still in the same state of mind. I told him that I wiped everything video game related, as I couldn’t take the pressure of having my dreams crushed any further. So, because of that catastrophic mayhem, I devised a plan that I thought would be a good idea for the both of us. I’ve informed my friend that I’ve decided to form a funeral for all the IP’s that I killed off, as I was so mental at that point, that I had canonically in universe, decisively killed off all my characters that were to become in the future, as they joined ship along with my mascot, Insect Mashers.

After this drunken stupor about how people killed my dream, I decided to take that route into fruition. I’ve finally decided to go along with my plan, and how I was going to do that? By starting a livestream on my channel of course. So here’s the synopsis of it all. The plan was, that I would livestream me, drawing on photoshop, compiling all my IP’s onto one big canvas, and setting them against a huge landscape, set in a rainy, cloudy environment, with a few sunbeams, shining through it as that would be their final resting place for their undeserving demise. The day finally came, and I’ve decided to livestream it all for the both of us to see. The event took place on my original נεsυs77755 account, and not my 𝕛𝕒𝕪𝟟𝟟𝟟𝟝𝟝 one, as I was not eligible for live streaming yet on the latter one. Originally, I was going to livestream this one, late at night, but you already know, there were time differences and a time zone boundary between us.

I did not know anything about livestreaming, and it did not matter, as all that mattered was me finally committing the final deed to end it all, and the suffering that went with it; I started livestreaming. I set the livestream as unlisted as I didn’t want anyone else to watch the livestream, except just my friend J. As I started livestreaming, of course, there’s a 10 second delay, meaning that I was able to read the message on my end, but there would be a 10 second delay before it could reach his end.

I would go on to livestream for three hours of just pure silence. It was just me, my Wacom tablet, and photoshop, as I began to draw the memorial for all my characters. Admittingly, as I was pretty good in drawing and everything, I didn’t have that much experience in painting, as I was more into sketches and line art, than painting. So, literally throughout the entire video, it was just a guessing game. I was just guessing where the light would go and I just did the best of my ability to execute that. Around the 2 hour mark, my throat was beginning to become sore from so much talking, as I was painting the funeral, the grass, the sky and everything else, while my friend J was just cracking jokes in the chat section of the live stream .

After all of those hours had transpired, the painting was finally done, and expectantly, of course, it looked like shit. Basically, to put it in a nutshell, the entire canvas was just a vomit of uncomplimentary colors that clashed with one another, making it look unappealing to the eye. I considered it a shitpost livestream at this point after the realization that it didn’t go well as expected, as the painting was not up to par, so I just accepted it as one. After that, canonically, I would go on to officially announce that my company, my video game IP’s, and all it’s future potential that it could’ve had, was finally dead… As much as I hated to say it, but there was no turning back for me at that point.

I had realized, as I looked back at all of it, it seemed like people for many years had discouraged me from accomplishing my dream to make the video game that I’ve always wanted. Multiple people with different backgrounds, all told me that it was just a waste of my time, and they discouraged me from further progressing in my journey to become a game developer, all the while, eating away at my happiness and my sanity, further showing how cruel humanity can be, so I just quit cold turkey, altogether. It really goes to show how humanity can just fucking live of their good careers by discouraging others and putting them down with their condescension, just so they can assert their righteousness upon the weak. It’s reasons like this, that makes my misanthropic antics, all so justified…

As I was moving away from making video games, I had decided to start a new life. Start a new career interest, a new passion, something that hopefully these new set of people won’t take away from me… Getting into filmmaking. As was mentioned before, if you read in the mid-chapter of Chapter 22: Game Dev Journal, you already know that I’ve developed a passion for filmmaking, as I began to appreciate the art of films in general, and for many reasons. Many (well hopefully anyways…) of the people into the filmmaking scene, seem to be very nice and very inciteful when it comes to tutorials, and especially indie filmmakers. They can be just some of the nicest, down to earth people that you’ll ever meet. Another reason why I’ve gotten into filmmaking is that, like I said, because so many people discouraged my dream of becoming a game developer, I figured that I decided to change things up a bit, and hopefully the trip would be well worth it.

I then began to discuss to my friend about my new vow to start all over, as I’ll never go back to that unforgivable group of fucking people, also known as the toxic gamers within the gaming community. My friend played along, and granted, even though my friend was not a movie person, he still rooted for me, as I told him that I would work on the logo for my indie movie studio. He was surprisingly really looking forward to it, and he would pester me when it was going to be done, that’s how (apparently) excited he was for my logo. So, I budged, and decided to work on the logo in Adobe Illustrator. As you can tell, our friendship was still going straight at this point, and we did not go through any changes so far as of yet, as he seemed to play along fairly well with my deeds, so I just worked on the logo in Adobe Illustrator, as the logo was fairly simplistic. It was just a normal font text with a gradient hue added on to it, and I made two different variations for the logo. I made a black one and a white one. I’d began to add finishing touches to the logo, adding special glow effects and everything to make it look prettier and everything.

Shortly after, I sent him the logo, and he took an awfully long time to show up. I was sitting there for what about been for about 30 minutes, twiddling my thumbs wondering where the fuck he went. When he came back and I asked him about this, he said that he was eating dinner. So, then, afterwards, he wanted to see what the logo looked like and I showed him the following. After showing it to my friend, as expected, he had no emotion whatsoever, as I imagined the emotionless look on his face and just said that it looked nice. I designed two version of the logo and didn’t know what to pick, so I let him pick for me. He choose the black one, as he thought it was the best, and honestly in my personal opinion, I would’ve chosen the white one, but, I just went along with his opinion and picked the black one, just as a nice gesture. As days went by, and I began to discuss my future plans for running my company, as I’ve decided to strive away from video games as mentioned before; I would basically just tell him about my indie movie ideas, and other media that I wanted to make as well. And that’s, that. I’ve discussed what the plots would be, where it would be implemented, conceptual scenes that would go into the making, and etc.

Now, this is where my mind gets all fuzzy, as not much is remembered about the events that transpired after this incident; as because of the past few paragraphs, I have been rambling on about my experiences with J and how frustrated I am with the world wide web; however, not is much remembered after this incident, and I feel as though, it served nothing but filler to this entire story, so I’ll just jump to the juicy part of the entire synopsis.

Around that same day, as I began to talk about other things with J, besides movies, talking about my interests, and giving my two cents on the whole matter, I’d began to feel that my friendship was a lie the entire time. After a while, I’d began to catch onto J’s bullshit that he’s been shitting out of his ass, as I realize that he was nothing more than just an inanimate object, that just responded with “yes”, no matter how complex the subject matter is. As if he wanted to get me out of the way for his personal gain. I began to realize that he just wouldn’t engage with the subject matter, and he would just respond with short one-word replies like, “Yeah”, or “IDK”, as if he didn’t care to at all. It all started a day later after this incident as I had plans about discussing the lore and my IP’s that I had developed, to him. It was a normal day as usual, just like any other day, and I would begin to greet him early in the morning, and started chatting about things, talking about the weather, and how I just woke up, you know the usual stuff. It was then, I would decide to bring up secrets about my IP’s that I had planned, and that I was hoping he would find them interesting to listen to. As I said, I wanted to keep this guy company, and J used to be clingy back in 2018, so I thought that it would still apply here, fulfilling my favor to him.

The first IP I started talking to him about which I’m not going to mention here, but if you want a brief summary, it’s basically a metroidvania, run and gun, puzzle game. As I started to discuss the details, just like before, he took a long time to respond, taking five minutes at a time to make a fucking reply to show interest. So, I outlined all the lore and everything for him to hear, as I thought he would be amazed by it, and I fed him all the information that he needed to know about my game. As I was going, on and on, about the game that I wanted to make, and the potential, great story that could be involved with this said game, all of that resulted in a nonchalant response from him saying, “Yeah”. Then he would all of a sudden decide to break the conversation by saying, “So, how’s the weather?”. This was just out of the blue, as I began to realize that I’ve wasted my fucking time discussing that with him about all my secrets and everything, only to be met with this fucking response, show how much he doesn’t care. So to keep the conversation going, I began to talk about something else.

Now, at this point, I don’t remember what he said to piss me off, but basically I’ll try the best of my ability to give a general census of what really went down that day. As he kept showing lack of interest, I’d began to change the subject very often, as I tried to keep the momentum of our discussion, and as I was doing so, he’d began to continue not to respond that much, each and every time. So, when that discussion wasn’t going anywhere, I decided to change it again, something about other things, and when that didn’t go anywhere, I’d change it to something else, you get the point. Well, basically, if I remember correctly, the last thing that I’ve discussed with this guy was something Nintendo related. I was basically ranting about Nintendo, and how they file lawsuits against fangames and developers who dare represent their games for all the world to see. I began to throw in some theories here and there and my two-cents on the matter about why they’re doing this, and thought that this guy would add something to the conversation. Again, apparently, this guy hates “theories”, and all he responded with is, “IDK”, or, “I guess…”, every time I bring them up; so at this point, I decided to just say fuck it.

I realized that I had brought out about like six different talking points that day with this fucking guy, all just to be met with responses like, “IDK”. Literally all of them, even personal things like the fucking weather, and he just kept saying, “IDK”. It was becoming like that one fucking SpongeBob, Conch Shell episode, where no matter how many times Squidward asks it if he can have some food, the fucking shell responds with, “no”, every fucking time, and that’s this fucking scenario right here. So, at that point, I just decided to say fuck it. I was fucking done with this fucking cunt for good! All he’s fucking doing is responding with one worded sentences, not taking any of my conversations seriously enough, and I might as well just talk to a fucking inanimate object at that point. I never realized how low, J, his cheerful antics that he used to possess in the past, have been dwindled down to nothing but fucking rubble, nothing but an emotionless, pile of fucking dust of what had once been a beautiful flower, as it used to bloom in the sunlight.

So, I just told him that, “this conversation is going absolutely nowhere, I’m going to take a nap and hopefully things will get better from there…”, and because of my good nature to give people a chance, I awaited his response before logging off. He didn’t even have any remorse in his response, as he just nonchalantly said, “Okay, see ya”. Seeing that just put the fucking nail in the coffin for me. Fuck this guy… After witnessing that, a huge mix of emotions that I had never felt before, had once again, flooded the inside of my brain, as if a hurricane was going on inside my head; feelings of anger, anguish, pure fucking disgust, and betrayal, were among the mix of other emotions that were yet to come... And then it finally hit me. Realizing that I had been used, once before in the past, I just realized that I was being used once again, but it’s not by some stranger, it’s not by my fucking teacher, but instead, it’s by my own fucking friend, my own fucking brother! I realized that I was being used by this fucking guy, as all he did was fucking exploit me for his own personal fucking gain, I was fucking furious when that thought came into fucking fruition. It was finally time for me to make the decision. It was time for me to fucking end this shit once and for fucking all! It seemed as if I had been born with a curse, and that curse was to keep me from getting any friends and progressing in fucking life. Every fucking turn I take in life, always turned out to be a shitstorm of fucking catastrophe, and that’s what this fucking guy was, a fucking shitstorm that rained diarrheal droplets over my beautiful day.

Not only was I beginning to realize that this guy was fucking using me for his own personal gain, but he would also take up so much of my fucking time, which is fucking ironic, because he stated in his fucking declaration on my forum, the day we agreed to this proposal, that he was lonely and that he needed somebody to talk to, and now the moment that I wanted to talk to this guy, and relied on this guy to give me a good time, he just threw all that out the fucking window.

Apparently, according to him, he stated recently that he wouldn’t have that much time to spend on the fucking computer, because he’s apparently job hunting… Where’s the fucking job? I didn’t even see any trace or fucking evidence of that shit, all you fucking did was sit at your fucking computer all day, eating whatever fucking food you’re munching on, behind the fucking computer screen, all the while, just being a straight up fucking coward! I was fucking done with this guy, and I couldn’t take it anymore! So, I decided to do the unthinkable once again. It’s like each time, shit like this happens; I began to outdo the last crazy stunt that was done before. I swear, I don’t even plan this, it’s like people piss me off so fucking much, combined with the built up of fucking stress over the decade, that they make me go to such lengths to do things like this.

So, I was fucking fed up with him like I said, and I finally decided to pull the fucking trigger. I decided to end it, once and for fucking all. This guy was literally sitting at his computer, doing absolutely nothing, FOR FUCKING 8 HOURS FUCKING STRAIGHT! I know this guy is a fucking introvert, and he says that he’s cooped up in his room all day, but you could at least, like sit up and stretch for one fucking minute instead of being a fucking timewaster, wasting your own time as well as eating up other people’s precious time, for fuck sake! That’s all this guy does is just sit down, play games, type on the computer, listen to OST’s, talk about fucking emulators, talk about populations and natural selection, and just rinse and fucking repeat, over and fucking over again! I even feel sorry for his fucking friends who had to put up with his shit. No wonder they fucking left him, because there’s no reason to be friends with this fucking cunt, he literally offers nothing at fucking all, except being a fucking lazy fat-ass and eating up people’s time and sanity!

So, I basically overall, just deleted my fucking account! That’s right. I didn’t care. All those 40 games in my fucking library, the hundreds of dollars spent on all those games, yeah at the moment, I didn’t care, just as long, as I could get away from this psycho and start a new life, that’s all it mattered. I filed a request to Steam, and I waited for an email to come back to fulfill the request of the deletion of my account. I remember being so fucking pissed that day, I wanted to just delete everything, realizing that this fucking guy wasted my time, and ruined my entire fucking life! So, word came back, and I got a reply from them saying that they’ve set my account for deletion, and said I had 30 days to revert the changes. At that point, there was no turning back this time… I changed my profile picture as, “Deleted”, and my name to “Deleted”, because it’s going to be deleted anyways, so might as well let him know that. After that I was fucking done, fucking done with this guy, I couldn’t take this fucking shit anymore.

Along with the attempted deletion of my account, I would also go on to try and delete other things tied to him, just so I could further break my connection with this guy. I just couldn’t take it anymore, this fucking guy can’t make up his mind if he wanted to speak with me or not. Remember when I said that I had Facebook a few paragraphs earlier, well I created it, for the sole reason to communicate with him, as it was an alternate platform for me to chat with him on, a platform and a decision that I’ve made to enhance my connection with him, thinking it would build our friendship even further… Well, I went to my options and deleted my Facebook account for good, breaking further connection with him. After gaining the confidence that I was going to go on a deletion spree, I then headed towards my forum, which was the main root of our connections and I’ve decided to pull the plug as well. I went into the administration panel, and headed toward the “Delete” section and then I was at a standstill… Looking at the delete button, I was debating with myself really long and hard, whether I should delete the 10 years of progress that my forum had accumulated. I was looking at the 10 years that’s about to be lost, and I began to ask the question to myself… Do I delete the 10 years of progress, plagued alongside this cancerous fellow, or keep the torment and just power through it? I was thinking really fucking hard on this one, but after seeing the fucking shit that this guy has put me through and the fucking games that this guy has played with me, I finally had the courage… After further recollecting all the shit that I’ve went with him in the past, as he played me like a fucking fiddle, I’ve decided to delete my forum for good.

I would then get a confirmation email from my forum service provider, asking me to sign in and confirm if I wanted to delete my forum or not. As I began to type in my username and password, finally putting my 10 year fucking reign, sadly to rest, it then suddenly hit me… It finally fucking hit me. An angry thought had just erected in my mind… Do you think, I’m going to let a fucking low level user, with no status of authority whatsoever, other than being a fucking forum space waster, dictate how I SHOULD LIVE MY FUCKING LIFE! No… I don’t fucking think so… It then crossed my mind how I should’ve been stronger and how I should’ve handled this situation a lot better, and at that moment, I’ve decided to change my mind, cancelling the deletion of my forum, as I wanted it to just remain, frozen in time, forever being locked, as I want the forum to remain as a hubspace for all my memories to come, as I wasn’t going to be that stupid to let a fucking nobody harass me, and tell me how to run my fucking forum.

As I finally decided to agree on that decision, I wanted to finally move on with my life, forgetting about this guy for good. I was officially done with this whole fiasco, once and for fucking all, and granted I still have life problems as it is, I realized that it was a waste of time to fucking reconcile with this fucking person, and I began to regret doing so, as I made quick to act on that matter. It was not worth talking to this guy, all over the stupidity of the internet that pushed me to do it. Why I made the decision to contact this fucking, low-lifed, loathsome cunt and let him take away my life is beyond my comprehension…

As days went on, I began to put this incident behind me, and I was beginning to finally forget about J for good, as well as forgetting about the forum, everyone, and everything else, as I just wanted to start anew, and never look back at this whole situation with this fucker. Talking to fucking J was as good, as talking to a fucking wall, so what was the fucking point. You might as well go to a fucking cave, and hear your own fucking echo for all I care!

As days went by, I began to forget about J and actually go back to living my normal life again. The pieces were beginning to come back together. As it was inching towards the next month, I began to finally erase J completely from the fucking equation, realizing that he’s been nothing but trouble in my life. And there it was, the month of June had just finally rolled in, and I had begun to finally calm down, I was beginning to regain my composure, once again. I was beginning regain my sanity back once again, after the events that had happened in my life. I was finally free from J’s grasp on me as a person, and it was like, I was actually able to breathe again, like a tapeworm that had been extracted from my malnourished body.

So, after I describing all of that, you would fucking think that things would FINALLY, go smooth sailing again? No… That would be a fucking myth, that would be a fucking lie, because of course, you’re not allowed to have fucking fun, Roger’s not allowed to have fucking fun. No, I should always have a fucking dick in my mouth, because apparently, the world sees me as a subhuman nigger, and nothing ever goes my fucking way.

I was experiencing a bug with Adobe Illustrator, as I wanted to fix the logo for my indie movie studio that I wanted to start, and for the life of me I could not fix this bug. I forgot what bug it was, probably some kind of duplication glitch or whatnot. Even after several restarts, the fucking program was still glitching! Alas, just like every other incident, I sadly had to bite the bullet with this one… As I took out my keyboard and sentenced myself to the pits of hell, I went to Google to figure out how to fix a bug in Adobe Illustrator. I was looking at all the results and was finding what result best pertained to my problematic situation. I went to one of the forums, of course, and then again, like every other incident, just to get fucked in the mouth. As I clicked on the fucking search result pertaining to the problem at hand, the fucking forum that I was then one, then again, was filled again with fucking assholes, and I’m not kidding, there were literally 7 to 8 replies of them all responding in a fucking condescending way, as usual. None of them being helpful at all, all of them being fucking rude in general.

Reading that, I’ve began to go fucking mental once again. I’m not fucking kidding, I literally wanted to fucking kill someone, and I wanted to fucking stab someone in the fucking chest, gouge their fucking eyes out with it and cut open their fucking intestines and wrap it around their fucking throat while they fucking choke to death! If I could find at least one of these fucking sad, pathetic excuses of a fucking human being to ever take their first fucking breathe upon this fucking world, and just end their lives, slowly and fucking painfully through the satisfaction that I had instilled justice upon the face of this earth, then maybe… JUST FUCKING MAYBE! It’ll be set as an example that people should be fucking nicer, but sadly no… That’s not going to happen, because even after I die, there will still be fucking loathsome pieces of shits that will be born in this world to come, doing despicable acts upon humanity…

Shortly after, wondering what act I was going to do for this psychotic episode, I had begun to outdo the last unthinkable one once more... I decided to do the exact same thing that J did, when he created another account on my forum. It seemed like my problems wasn’t getting any better, as I decided to be a fucking cuck, going in circles, reading the same fucking unhelpful fucking reply from condescending fucking people as mentioned before… I signed up on my forum, creating a new account, and used the name, “𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖎”. Just like how J had his name based on the Japanese name, Rentaro, I decided to have my name be based on the Japanese name, “Hattori”, as 𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖎 is based on the word “mental”, mixed with the name, “Hattori”, hence the name, “𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖎”.

After creating my account, I decided to go fucking ham on the fucking forum, not giving any fucks whatsoever. It was like Jesus flipping tables in the temple, literally, it was נεsυs77755 flipping tables on the fucking forum! I was going from fucking thread to fucking thread, writing the most mental fucking shit, that came to my mind. Just like J, I would hop from thread, to thread, just writing deranged, psychopathic statement like threatening self-harm, to cursing out numerous members on the forum. I was creating new threads, trolling my own forums and sub-forums, asking things like, how to kill myself, and how everyone betrayed me in my life. I didn’t care if the forum was going to get removed, it’s not like anybody signed up and posted on there anyways, so I thought it would be a fun way to get my forum deleted, and I had nothing to lose because of that. Just like J, I was posting the most mental shit and I mean really fucking mental shit! It then culminated and I then made a thread on the forum called, “RECONCELIATION”, which from the purest of my fucking hate-filled heart, I’d truly poured out my frustration, letting everything come out from inside of me, expel, as I let the true colors of me do the talking, and it reads as follows,

“I'ᗰ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪOᑎE! ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪOᑎE ᗯITᕼ TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ, EᐯEᖇY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪᗩY, ᗰY ᒪIᖴE ᕼᗩᔕ ᗷEEᑎ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT.

‘IT'ᔕ GOᑎᑎᗩ ᗷE OKᗩY ᖇOGEᖇ, IT'ᔕ GOᑎᑎᗩ ᗷE OKᗩY!’

IT'ᔕ ᑎO O ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG KᗩY ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇ, I'ᗰ TIᖇEᗪ Oᖴ ᗯᗩKIᑎG ᑌᑭ Iᑎ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰOᖇᑎIᑎG, ᕼOᑭIᑎG TᕼᗩT ᗰY ᗪᗩY ᗯIᒪᒪ GO ᖴIᑎE ᗷᑌT IᑎᔕTEᗩᗪ, ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪᗩY Iᔕ ᒪIKE ᔕᕼIT. ᒪIKE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT. IT'ᔕ ᒪIKE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪOᗰIᑎOᔕ, TᑌᗰᗷᒪIᑎG ᗪOᗯᑎ OᑎE ᗷY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG OᑎE, ᗩᑎᗪ TᕼOᔕE ᗪOᗰIᑎOᔕ ᗩᖇE TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼITTY ᗪᗩYᔕ I'ᐯE ᗷEEᑎ ᕼᗩᐯIᑎG Iᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ. I ᑌᔕEᗪ TO ᕼᗩᐯE ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭᗩᔕᔕIOᑎ. EᐯEᖇY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪᗩY, I ᑌᔕEᗪ TO ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᕼᗩᐯE ᑭᗩᔕᔕIOᑎᔕ, ᗷE ᑭᗩᔕᔕIOᑎᗩTE ᗩᗷOᑌT TᕼIᑎGᔕ I ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᒪIKE, ᗷᑌT ᖴOᖇ 10 YEᗩᖇᔕ, ᑭEOᑭᒪE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷᑌTTᖴᑌᑕKEᗪ ᗰE Iᑎ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗩᔕᔕ. ᑭEOᑭᒪE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭᑌT ᗰE ᗪOᗯᑎ, ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIᔕᑕOᑌᖇᗩGEᗪ ᗰE, ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIᔕᔕEᗪ Oᑎ ᗰY ᗪᖇEᗩᗰᔕ, YEᗩᕼ ᖴᑌᑕK ᗰY ᗪᖇEᗩᗰᔕ, ᗯᕼIᒪE TᕼEᔕE ᕼOᒪIEᖇ Tᕼᗩᑎ TᕼOᑌ, ᑭIEᑕEᔕ Oᖴ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕEᗰEᑎ ᗪᖇIᑎKIᑎG ᔕᕼITᔕ ᒪIᐯE Oᖴᖴ TᕼEIᖇ ᒪIᖴE Oᖴᖴ ᗰE ᗷY ᗷEIᑎG ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIEᑕEᔕ Oᖴ ᖴᑌᑕIᑎG ᔕᕼITᔕ. I'ᗰ ᔕIᑕK Oᖴ TᕼIᔕ ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ, TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᕼᑌᗰᗩᑎᔕ, ᕼᑌᗰᗩᑎITY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIᔕGᑌᔕTᔕ ᗰE. I ᗯIᔕᕼ I ᑕOᑌᒪᗪ GET ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑎᑌKE ᗩᑎᗪ ᗪEᔕTᖇOY EᐯEᖇY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕOᑌᑎTᖇY Iᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭᒪᗩᑎET, ᗩᑎᗪ ᗰYᔕEᒪᖴ ᗯITᕼ IT, ᔕO ᗩTᒪEᗩᔕT I'ᒪᒪ KᑎOᗯ TᕼᗩT I'ᗰ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪEᗩᗪ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇ. OKᗩY

ᗩᑎᗪ YEᔕ, Iᖴ YOᑌ'ᖇE TᕼᗩT ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖇETᗩᖇᗪEᗪ, IT'ᔕ ᗰE, TᕼE ᕼOᗰEᗷOY! IT'ᔕ TᕼE ᕼOᗰIE, ᒍEᔕᑌᔕ77755, ᗩKᗩ OᑎE, ᗪEᗪ ᗷOI, ᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼEEᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

OᑎE ᗪEᗪ ᗷOI ᗷITᑕᕼ, YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕOᑕKᔕᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷITᑕᕼ. I ᒪIKEᗪ TO ᖇᑌᗷ ᔕEᗰEᑎ ᗩᒪᒪ OᐯEᖇ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕEᒪᖴ, ᗷEᑕᗩᑌᘔ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ ᖇEᑌᗷᗷEᗪ TᕼEIᖇ ᔕEᗰEᑎ Oᑎ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᗩᑕE ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ! YOᑌ ᑕOᑕKᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ! EᐯEᖇYᗪᗩY, I'ᗰ ᒪOᔕIᑎG ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕIᑎG ᗰIᑎᗪ, ᗩᑎᗪ TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT I'ᗰ ᒪETTIᑎG OᑌT ᖇIGᕼT ᑎOᗯ Iᔕ ᒪIKE ᑕOᑎᔕTIᑭᗩTIOᑎ, ᗩᑎᗪ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼITTIᑎG Oᖴ IT ᕼᗩᗪ TO ᗷE ᗪOᑎE, ᖴᑌᑕK TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ. ᗩᑎᗪ ᗯᕼEᑎ I ᗪO ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕᖇY ᗯOᒪᖴ ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕOᗰᑭᒪᗩIᑎ ᗩᗷOᑌT ᗰY ᒪIᖴE, ᑭEOᑭᒪE TEᒪᒪ ᗰE TO ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼᑌT ᑌᑭ ᗩᑎᗪ ᔕᑌᑕK IT ᑌᑭ.

ᖴᑌᑕK YOᑌ YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ, YOᑌ ᗪOᑎ'T KᑎOᗯ ᗩᑎᗪ ᕼᗩᐯE ᗩᑎY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG IᗪEᗩ ᗯᕼᗩT IT'ᔕ ᒪIKE TO ᕼᗩᐯE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG Oᑕᗪ, ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗩᑎ᙭IETY ᗩᑎᗪ ᗪEᑭᖇEᔕᔕIOᑎ! YOᑌ ᗪOᑎ'T KᑎOᗯ ᗯᕼᗩT IT'ᔕ ᒪIKE TO ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯᗩKE ᑌᑭ, ᖴEEᒪIᑎG ᒪIKE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG, ᑕOᑕKᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT! YOᑌ ᕼᗩᐯE ᑎO ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG IᗪEᗩ, ᔕO YEᗩᕼ! I ᕼᗩᐯE EᐯEᖇY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖇIGᕼT TO ᑕOᗰᑭᒪᗩIᑎ ᗩᗷOᑌT ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᒪIᖴE.

EᐯEᖇYᗪᗩY, I ᕼᗩᐯE ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑎOOᔕE! ᗯᕼY TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕK ᕼᗩᐯEᑎ'T I ᑕOᗰᗰITEᗪ ᔕᑌIᑕIᗪE ᗩᑎY ᔕOOᑎEᖇ Iᔕ ᗩᑎYOᑎEᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG GᑌEᔕᔕ, ᗷᑌT TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕIIᑎG ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKEᗪ ᗰE Iᑎ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗩᔕᔕ ᗷEᑕᗩᑌᘔ EᐯEᖇYOᑎE Iᔕ ᖴᑌᒪᒪ Oᖴ ᑭIEᑕEᔕ Oᖴ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT.

ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᖇIEᑎᗪᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷETᖇᗩYEᗪ ᗰE, I ᗪIᗪᑎ'T ᕼᗩᐯE ᗩ ᔕIᑎGᒪE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᖇIEᑎᗪ, YOᑌ ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ KᑎOᗯ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG KIᑎᗪ Oᖴ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᖇIEᑎᗪᔕ I ᕼᗩᗪ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG OᑎEᔕ TᕼᗩT'ᒪᒪ ᔕᗩY TᕼᗩT TᕼEY'ᖇE YOᑌᖇ ᖴᖇIEᑎᗪ ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷETᖇᗩY YOᑌ 2 ᗯEEKᔕ ᒪᗩTEᖇ! ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᒪIᗩᖇᔕ! I'ᗰ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕIᑕK Oᖴ TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ, IT GOEᔕ TO ᔕᕼOᗯ TᕼᗩT EᐯEᖇYOᑎE Iᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ Iᔕ ᖴᗩKE, ᗷETᖇᗩYIᑎG, ᒪYIᑎG, ᑭIEᑕEᔕ Oᖴ ᔕᕼITᔕ! I ᗯIᔕᕼ EᐯEᖇYᔕIᑎGᒪE OᑎE ᗯᕼO ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷETᖇᗩYEᗪ ᗰE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIEᗪ. ᗩᑎᗪ YOᑌ KᑎOᗯ ᗯᕼO I'ᗰ ᖇEᖴEᖇᖇIᑎG TO, TᕼᗩT OᑎE ᖴᖇIEᑎᗪ ᗯᕼO'ᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖇEᗩᗪIᑎG TᕼIᔕ ᖇIGᕼT ᑎOᗯ! ᖴᑌᑕK YOᑌ YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑕᑌKIᑎG ᑕᑌᑎT, YOᑌ ᗩᖇE ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕOᗯᗩᖇᗪ, ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕOᗯᗩᖇᗪ!

TᕼIᔕ ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ Iᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕIᑕK, I ᖴEEᒪ ᒪIKE I'ᗰ ᗷEIᑎG ᖴᑌᑕKEᗪ Iᑎ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕIKIᑎG ᗷᑌTTᕼOᒪE, ᗩᒪᒪ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᖇIEᑎᗪᔕ ᗷETᖇᗩYEᗪ ᗰE. ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖇOᗰᗰEᒪ ᗯOᑎ'T TᗩᒪK TO ᗰE ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE, I ᑌᔕEᗪ TO ᗷE TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᕼOTTEᔕT TᕼIᑎG Oᑎ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG IᑎTEᖇᑎET, ᑎOᗯ I'ᗰ ᑎOTᕼIᑎG ᗰOᖇE Tᕼᗩᑎ ᗩ ᖴᗩT ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᗩᗪ ᔕᗩᑕK Oᖴ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᒪEᔕᕼ ᔕITTIᑎG ᗩTOᑭ ᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕᕼᗩIᖇ, ᗷᖇEᗩTᕼIᑎG ᕼEᗩᐯIᒪY, ᗷEGGIᑎG ᖴOᖇ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰEᖇᑕY KIᒪᒪIᑎG! ᒪIKE YOᑌ ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ ᑕᑌT Oᖴᖴ ᗰY ᗪIᑕK ᗯE ᑕᗩᑎ ᗪO TᕼᗩT!

I ᔕTᗩᖇTEᗪ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ, TᕼIᑎKIᑎG TᕼᗩT ᑭEOᑭᒪE ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ GIᐯE ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT ᗩᗷOᑌT ᗰE, ᗷᑌT ᑎO TᕼEY ᗪIᗪᑎ'T. ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIEᑕEᔕ Oᖴ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼITᔕ! I ᑕᗩᑎ'T TᗩKE TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT ᗩᑎY ᗰOᖇE! I ᑕᖇEᗩTEᗪ TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ ᗩᑎᗪ ᑎOᗷOᗪY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᒍOIᑎEᗪ, ᗩᑎᗪ I'ᗰ ᔕO ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᒍEᗩᒪOᑌᔕ TᕼᗩT EᐯEᖇY OTᕼEᖇ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ ᕼᗩᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰEᗰᗷEᖇᔕ, EᐯEᑎ TᕼE ᗰOᔕT ᑎIᑕᕼE ᖴᑌᑕIᑎG ᖴOᖇᑌᗰᔕ ᕼᗩᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭOᔕTᔕ ᑕOᗰᗰIᑎG Iᑎ ᗩTᒪEᗩᔕT OᑎᑕE ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯEEK Oᖇ OᑎᑕE ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰOᑎTᕼ! ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ KᑎOᗯ ᗯᕼᗩT TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ Iᔕ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG GᕼOᔕT TOᗯᑎ ᗰOTᕼEEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇ, ᗷᑌT ᑭEOᑭᒪE ᗪIᗪᑎ'T GIᐯE ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT, ᔕO ᗯᕼY ᔕᕼOᑌᒪᗪ I GIᐯE ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT ᗩᔕ ᗯEᒪᒪ, ᖴᑌᑕK ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᒪIᖴE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ᗷᑌᑕK ᗷᑌᑕK ᗷᑌᑕK ᗷᑌᑕK ᗷᑌᐯᑕK

ᑕᑌT Oᖴᖴ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIᑕK, ᑕᑌT Oᖴᖴ ᗰY ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕᑌᑎT, YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇ! ᗪO IT YOᑌ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭᕼᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩGOT! ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕᑌᑎTᔕ! ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ!

ᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩ

I ᕼᗩᐯE GOᑎE

ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG

ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI

ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI

I'ᗰ ᒪOOKIᑎG ᗩT ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯᖇIᔕTᔕ, ᗯᕼᗩT ᗪOEᔕ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯᖇIᔕTᔕ ᔕᗩY

ᗰY ᗯᖇIᔕTᔕ Iᗰ ᗷᒪEEᗪIᑎG

ᕼᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩ, ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ, TᕼᗩT'ᔕ ᖇOIGᕼT, IT'ᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷᒪEEEEEEEEEEEEEᗪIᑎG! ᖴᗪᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷᒪEEᗪIᑎG, ᗷᑌᑕK ᗷᑌᑕK ᗷᑌᑕK ᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ!

ᖴᑌᑕK TᕼIᔕ ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ, ᖴᑌᑕK TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗩᑎᑌᔕ ᔕᕼᗩᑭEᗪ, IᑎᔕIᗪE OᑌT ᗩᔕᔕᕼOᒪE Oᖴ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG EᗰᗷᗩᖇᖇᗩᔕᗰEᑎT Oᖴ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ, TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIEᑕEᔕ Oᖴ ᔕᕼIT, ᑭEOᑭᒪE ᕼᗩᐯE ᖇᑌᗷᗷEᗪ TᕼIEᖇ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕEᗰEᑎ ᗩᑎᗪ ᔕᕼOᐯEᗪ TᕼEIᖇ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕEᒪᖴ ᖇIGᕼTOᑌᔕ ᗪIᒪᗪO Iᑎ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰOᑌTᕼ ᖴᗩᖇ EᑎOᑌGᕼ ᗩᑎᗪ I ᑕᗩᑎ'T TᗩKE TᕼIᔕ ᔕᕼIT ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE! I ᗰIGᕼT KIᒪᒪ ᗰYᔕEᒪᖴ OᑎE ᗪᗩY, ᔕO Iᖴ YOᑌ ᗪOᑎ'T ᕼEᗩᖇ ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE ᖇEᔕᑭOᑎᔕEᔕ ᖴᖇOᗰ ᗰE, TᕼEᑎ ᑕOᑎᔕIᗪEᖇ ᗰE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪEᗩᗪ!

ᖴᑌᑕK TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ!

ᖴᑌᑕK”

Throughout the entirety of the week, I would become more, and more mental, berating all my members who were once loyal to me on my forum, calling them all traitors. I would go in each of their threads and call ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 a traitor because he stopped posting on my forum, as well as the same thing with Robert302190, it was all fucking madness. All of this was so mental, I’d began banning members, including J’s second account, further breaking ties with him. After that, I would go on to make a thread on my forum called, “MAKE IT FUCKING STOP”. In it, I wrote the following, showing my true mental side,

“I ᑕᗩᑎ'T ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG TᗩKE IT ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE, ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯᖇIᔕTᔕ ᗩᖇE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖇEᗪ ᖇIGᕼT ᑎOᗯ ᗩᑎᗪ I ᗩᗰ ᑕOᑎᔕIᗪEᖇIᑎG ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG OᖴᖴIᑎG ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕEᒪᖴ, I ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIE ᗷEᑕᗩᑌᔕE I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG ᒪOOK ᗩT ᗰE I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG ᒪIᖴE Iᔕ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᒪIᖴE ᗩᑎᗪ Iᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG YEᗩᕼ YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇ YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIEᑕE Oᖴ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT I ᗯᗩᑎT TO ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIE ᕼEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩᗩGGGGGGGGGGGGGGᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼᕼ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕK ᖴᑌᑕK ᖴᑌᑕK ᖴᑌᑕK ᖴᑌᑕK I ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ ᑕᑌT Oᖴᖴ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIᑕK ᗩᑎᗪ ᗪEEᑭ ᖴᖇY IT ᗯᕼOᗩ Iᔕ TᕼᗩT ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷᒪOOᗪ TᕼᗩT'ᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗩᗯEᔕOᗰE ᗩᑎᗪ I'ᗰ GOᑎᑎᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷᗩKE IT ᗯᕼᗩT TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕK Iᔕ TᕼIᔕ YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕOᑕKᔕᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕᑌᑎT ᗯᕼᗩT TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕK Iᔕ TᕼᗩT ᖇEᗪ ᔕTᑌᖴᖴ Oᑎ TᕼE ᖴᒪOOᖇ Oᕼ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG GOᗪ I'ᗰ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷᒪEEᗪIᑎG ᖴᖇOᗰ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG GOᑎᗩᗪᔕ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIᑕK Iᔕ ᑎOᗯ ᗪOᑎE Iᑎ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG OᐯEᑎ

ᗷOᑎ ᗩᑭᑭETITE ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇ Iᗰ GOᑎᑎᗩ EᗩT IT ᑎOᗯ ᕼᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰᗰ IT'ᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG

ᗪEᒪIᑕIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᔕᔕᔕᔕᔕᔕᔕᔕᔕᔕᔕᔕᔕᔕᔕᔕᔕᔕ

I ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᑌᑕK ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ GOᑎᑎᗩ GET ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪEᑕᗩᑭITᗩTE IT ᗩᑎᗪ ᔕᑕᖇᗩᑭE OᑌT IT'ᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG IᑎᔕIᗪEᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯEᗩᖇ IT'ᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᕼEᗩᗪ ᗩᔕ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰᗩᔕK ᔕO I'ᒪᒪ ᒪET EᐯEᖇYOᑎE KᑎOᗯ TᕼᗩT I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I ᑕᗩᑎ'T TᗩKE IT ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE ᗰᗩKE IT ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕTOᑭ I ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ ᗰᗩKE IT ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕTOᑭ I ᑕᗩᑎ'T ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG TᗩKE IT EᐯEᖇYOᑎE Iᔕ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗩᔕᔕᕼOᒪE ᖇOᗰᗰEᒪ'ᔕ ᗪEᗩᗪ ᖇEᗰEᗰᗷEᖇ

ᖇOᗰᗰEᒪᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪEᗪ YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ

I ᑕᗩᑎ'T ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG TᗩKE IT ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE ᑎOᗷOᗪY ᑭOᔕTᔕ Oᑎ ᕼEᖇE ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE EᐯEᖇYOᑎE Iᔕ OᑌT ᒪIᐯIᑎG TᕼEIᖇ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᒪIᐯEᔕ ᑭᗩᔕT TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ YEᗩᕼ ᖴᑌᑕK TᕼIᔕ ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ ᑎOᗷOᗪY GᐯᗩE ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE EᐯEᖇYᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪᗩY I ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᕼᗩᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᗩITᕼ ᗷᑌT ᑎOᗯᕼEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

ᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼEEᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼEᕼE

ᑎOᗷOᗪY GᗩᐯE ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT I ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᕼᗩTE ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᒪIᖴE EᐯEᖇYOᑎE Oᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ ᑕᗩᑎ GO ᖴᑌᑕK TᕼEᗰᔕEᒪᐯEᔕ ᗩᒪᒪ Oᖴ YOᑌ ᗩᖇE ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᒪIE ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰYTᕼ YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑕᑌIᑎG ᑭIEᑕE Oᖴ ᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT I ᕼᗩTE ᗩᒪᒪ Oᖴ YOᑌ YOᑌ ᗰOTᖇᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ ᗩᒪᒪ Oᖴ YOᑌ ᗯᕼO ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕEᖇᐯEᗪ Iᑎ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ IᑎᑕᒪᑌᗪIᑎG YOᑌ ᖇOᗰᗰEᒪ YOᑌ ᗩᖇE ᗩᒪᒪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG TᖇᗩITOᖇᔕ ᖴᑌᑕK ᗩᒪᒪ Oᖴ YOᑌ ᗩᑎᗪ I ᕼOᑭE YOᑌ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIE

ᗩᑎᗪ ᑎO YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ I'ᗰ ᑎOT GOᑎᑎᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷᗩᑎ ᗩᒪᒪ Oᖴ YOᑌ I'ᒪᒪ ᒪEᗩᐯE TᕼEᗰ ᑌᑭ ᗩᔕ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖇEᗰIᑎᗪEᖇ Oᖴ ᕼOᗯ ᗰᑌᑕᕼ Oᖴ ᗩ ᒪOᗯ ᒪIᖴEᗪ ᔕᑕᑌᗰ Oᖴ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG TᖇᗩITOᖇOᑌᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG TᕼᗩT TᕼEᔕE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIEᑕEᔕ Oᖴ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼITᔕ ᗩᖇE YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ

I ᑕᗩᑎ'T TᗩKE TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT ᗩᑎY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰOᖇE ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖇOOᗰ Iᔕ ᑕOᐯEᖇEᗪ Iᑎ ᗰᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷᒪOOᗪ Iᗰᗰᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIE ᑎOᗯ YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ

ᑎOᗷOᗪY GᗩᐯE ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᑌᑕK ᗩᗷOᑌT ᗰE ᑎO OᑎE ᗯᗩᑎTEᗪ TO ᗷE ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᖇIEᑎᗪ EᐯEᖇYOᑎE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᒪEᖴT ᗰE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᕼᑌᗰᗩᑎITY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᒪIEᗪ TO ᗰE YOᑌ ᑕᗩᑎ'T TᖇᑌᔕT ᗩᑎYOᑎE EᐯEᖇYOᑎE Iᔕ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG TᖇᗩITOᖇ ᖴᑌᑕK TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ I ᗯIᔕᕼ I ᑕOᑌᒪᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯIᑭE EᐯEᖇYOᑎE OᑌT Iᖴ I ᑕOᑌᒪᗪ ᗷᑌIᒪᗪ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑎᑌKE I ᗯIᔕᕼ I ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ I ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ ᔕEE ᗰIᒪᒪIOᑎᔕ Oᖴ ᑭEOᑭᒪE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIE I ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG KIᒪᒪ EᐯEᖇYOᑎE I ᗯIᔕᕼ I ᑕOᑌᒪᗪ ᗰᗩKE ᑭEOᑭᒪE'ᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᕼEᗩᗪᔕ E᙭ᑭᒪOᗪE ᗷᒪOOᗪ ᗷᒪOOᗪ EᐯEᖇYᗯᕼEᖇE ᗩᒪᒪᒪᒪᒪᒪ OᐯEᖇ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᒪOOᖇ YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕᑕKIᑎG ᑭIEᑕE Oᖴ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT

I ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIE ᗩᑎᗪ EᐯEEYOᑎE ᑕᗩᑎ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIE YOᑌ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕᑌᑎTᔕ ᖴᑌᑕK YOᑌ YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ I ᗩᗰ ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI ᗩᑎᗪ I'ᗰ GOᑎᑎᗩ GO ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰEᑎTTOᖇI EᐯEᖇYOᑎE Iᔕ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᒪIᗩᖇ ᑭEOᑭEᒪ ᕼᗩᐯE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷᖇOKE TᕼEIᖇ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭᖇOᗰIᔕEᔕ EᐯEᖇYOᑎE Iᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ Iᔕ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᗩKE EᐯEᖇYOᑎE Iᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᗩKE I ᗯIᔕᕼ I ᑕOᑌᒪᗪ GO ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG EᒪᒪIOT ᖇOᗪGEᖇ Oᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ ᔕO EᐯEᖇYOᑎE ᗯIᒪᒪ ᗪIE ᗩᑎᗪ EᐯEᖇYOᑎE ᗯIᒪᒪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIE I ᑕᗩᑎ'T ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG TᗩKE IT I ᗪOᑎ'T GIᐯE ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT Iᖴ I GET TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ ᗷᗩᑎᑎEᗪ Iᖴ I ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪO ᗩᑎᗪ TᕼEY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷᗩᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ ᗷEᑕᑌᘔ Oᖴ TᕼIᔕ ᑭOᔕT ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG GOOᗪ ᗷEᑕᗩᑌᔕE I ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯᗩᔕTEᗪ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᒪIᖴE ᗰᗩKIᑎG TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ EᐯEᖇYOᑎE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷETᖇᗩYEᗪ ᗰE ᗩᑎᗪ I ᑕᑎᗩ'T TᗩKE TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT Iᗰ GOᑎᑎᗩ GET ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᒪIT TᕼEIᖇ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG TᕼᖇOᗩTᔕ I ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIE ᗩᑎᗪ KIᒪᒪ ᗩᒪᒪ Oᖴ TᕼEᗰ ᗩᑎᗪ KIᒪᒪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIGᔕ Iᗰᗰᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪEᑕᗩᑭITᗩTE TᕼEᗰ ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯᗩEᖇ TᕼEᗰ ᗩᔕ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰᗩᔕK ᗷEᑕᗩᑌᔕE I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG ᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᗩᕼᗩᕼ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG TᕼIᔕ ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ ᔕᗩYᔕ I'ᗰ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG I'ᗰ ᖇETᗩᖇᗪEᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖇETᗩᖇᗪEᗪ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖇETᗩᖇᗪEᗪ ᗯᕼIᔕTᒪIᑎG ᗯᕼIᔕTᒪIᑎG Iᗰ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖇETᗩᖇᗪEᗪ Iᗰ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖇETᗩᖇᗪEᗪ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ Iᗰ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖇETᗩᖇᗪEᗪ I ᑕᗩᑎ'T ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG TᗩKE IT ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE I'ᗰ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖇETᗩᖇᗪEᗪ I'ᗰ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖇETᗩᖇᗪEᗪ YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇ I'ᗰ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖇETᗩᖇᗪEᗪ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯᖇIᔕTᔕ ᗩᖇE ᑎOᗯ ᖇEᗪ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ᗯᕼIᔕTᒪIᑎG ᗯᕼIᔕTᒪIᑎG ᖴᑌᑕK YOᑌ YOᑌ ᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ YOᑌ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕᑌᑎTᔕ EᐯEᖇYOᑎE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG KIᒪᒪEᗪ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪᖇEᗩᗰ EᐯEᖇYOᑎE'ᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗩᗷᔕᑕEᑎᑕE KIᒪᒪEᗪ TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ ᗩᑎᗪ ᑎOᗯ I'ᗰ ᗩ ᒪOᑎEᒪY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG ᑎOᗷOᗪY ᔕᕼOᗯEᗪ ᑌᑭ TO TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭᗩᖇTY ᑭᗩᖇTY'ᔕ EᗰᑭTY ᗷOIᘔ ᖴᑌᑕK TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ ᖴᑌᑕK YOᑌ ᗩᒪᒪ ᖴᑌᑕK EᐯEᖇY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰEᗰᗷEᖇ TᕼᗩT ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕIGᑎEᗪ ᑌᑭ KIᒪᒪ YOᑌᖇᔕEᒪᐯEᔕ YOᑌ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIEᑕE Oᖴ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT

ᖴᑌᑕK YOᑌ ᗰEᗰᗷEᖇᔕ, ᖴᑌᑕK ᗩᒪᒪ Oᖴ YOᑌ ᗯᕼO ᖴᑌᑕKᑎG ᔕIGᑎEᗪ ᑌᑭ, ᖴᑌᑕK ᗩᒪᒪ Oᖴ YOᑌ ᗯᕼO ᗯIᒪᒪ ᔕIGᑎ ᑌᑭ Iᑎ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᑌTᑌᖇE! ᔕO ᕼEᖇE ᗩᖇE TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᕼOᑎOᖇᗩᗷᒪE ᗰEᑎTIOᑎᔕ, TᕼEᔕE ᔕO ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᒪOYᗩᒪ TᖇᗩITOᖇᔕ

ᖇOᗰᗰEᒪ

ᒍ

ᖇOᗷEᖇT190302

KOᑎᗩTᗩᑕᕼᗩᑎ

GᗩᗪGET

ᑎYᗩᑎᑕᗩT

YOᑌ ᗩᖇE ᗩᒪᒪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG TᖇᗩITOᖇᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ I ᕼOᑭE ᗩᒪᒪ Oᖴ YOᑌ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIE YOᑌ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭᗩTᕼETIᑕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIG Oᖴ ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᗩGGOT ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᗩIᒪᑌᖇE ᑭIEᑕEᔕ Oᖴ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼITᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG KIᒪᒪ YOᑌᖇᔕEᒪᐯEᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᒍOIᑎ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗩᖴTEᖇᒪIᖴE ᗯITᕼ ᗰE ᔕᒪITTIᑎG YOᑌᖇ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯᖇIᔕTᔕ ᒪIKE ᗰE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG KIᒪᒪ YOᑌᖇᔕEᒪᐯEᔕ I ᑕᗩᑎT TᗩKE IT ᗩᑎY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰOᖇE I ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ GET ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG KᑎIᖴE ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕTᗩᗷ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑎEᑕK ᖴᑌᑕK YOᑌ YOᑌ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIEᑕEᔕ Oᖴ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼITᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG KIᒪᒪ YOᑌᖇᔕEᒪᐯEᔕ YOᑌ ᗩᖇE ᗩᒪᒪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᗩIᒪᑌᖇEᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG TᖇᗩITOᖇᔕ ᖴOᖇ ᒪEᐯᗩEIᑎG ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ

EᐯEᖇY OTᕼEᖇ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ TᕼᗩT ᕼᗩᐯᗩE ᒪEᔕᔕ ᗰEᗰᗷEᖇᔕ Tᕼᗩᑎ ᗰE GET ᗰOᖇE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭOᔕTᔕ Tᕼᗩᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴOᖇᑌᗰ ᗩTᒪEᗩᔕT ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG OᑎE ᑭOᔕT OᑎᑕE ᗩ ᗯEEK Oᖇ OᑎᑕE ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰOᑎTᕼ ᗯᕼIᒪE TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᑭIᗪEᖇᗯEᗷ IᑎᖴEᔕTEᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕOᖇᑭᔕE GOT 0 YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ ᖴᑌᑕK EᐯEᖇY Iᑎ TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯOᖇᒪᗪ Iᗰ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕIᑕK Oᖴ TᕼIᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT YOᑌ ᗩᖇE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG TᖇᗩITOᖇᔕ ᗩᒪᒪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG TᖇᗩITOᖇᔕ I ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ ᔕTOᑭ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭᗩIᑎ ᗰᗩKE TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭᗩIᑎ ᔕTOᑭ I ᗯᗩᑎT IT ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕTOᑭ GET ᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼOTGᑌᑎ ᗩᑎᗪ ᑭᑌT IT Iᑎ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIGᗰᗩᔕK I'ᗰ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗯEᗩᖇIᑎG ᗩᑎᗪ ᗰᗩKE ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷᖇᗩIᑎᔕ GO ᗩᒪᒪ OᐯEᖇ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᒪOOᖇ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪO IT ᗪO IT YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕᕼIᑕKEᑎᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᗩGGOT YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕᕼIᑕKEᑎᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG GOᗩTᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕOᑕKᔕᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕEᗰEᑎᔕᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭIEᑕEᔕ Oᖴ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼIT ᗪO IT YOᑌ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭᕼᗩGGOT ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕᑌᑎT I ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪO IT I ᗯᗩᑎT YOᑌ TO ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪO IT TO ᗰᗩKE TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭᗩIᑎ I ᑕᗩᑎ'T TᗩKE IT ᗩᑎYᗰOᖇE ᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼᗩᕼ Iᑕ ᗩᑎ'T TᗩKE IT I ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷᒪEEᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷᒪOOᗪ ᔕᑭᖇᗩᗯᒪEᗪ OᐯEᖇ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᒪOOᖇ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᕼOTGᑌᑎ TO TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰOᑌTᕼ YOᑌ ᗩᖇE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗩᒪᒪ ᒪᔕOEᖇᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᖴᗩIᒪTᑌᖇEᔕ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕᒪIT YOᑌᖇ ᗯᖇIᔕTᔕ YOᑌ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕᑌᑎTᔕ I ᗯᗩᑎᑎᗩ ᖴᑌᑕIKIᑎG ᗪIE I ᗯᗩᑎT YOᑌ TO ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰᗩKE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG GᖇOᑌᑎᗪ ᗷEEᖴ ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭOᖇK ᗯᕼEᑎ YOᑌ ᑭᑌᒪᒪ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG TᖇIGGEᖇ ᑭᑌᒪᒪ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG TᖇIGGEᖇ YOᑌ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑭᕼᗩGGOT I ᗯᗩᑎT YOᑌ TO ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰᗩKE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG GᖇOᑌᑎᗪ ᗷEEᖴ ᗩᑎᗪ ᑭOᖇK ᔕTEᗯ ᗯITᕼ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷᖇᗩIᑎᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ ᗷOIᒪ IT Iᑎ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷᒪOOᗪ ᗷOIᒪ TᕼE ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗷᒪOOᗪ ᗩᑎᗪ ᗰᗩKE ᔕTEᗯ ᗯITᕼ IT YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᑕOᑕKᔕᑌᑕKEᖇᔕ!

ᖴᑌᑕK YOᑌ ᖴᑌᑕK YOᑌ ᖴᑌᑕK YOᑌ YOᑌ ᑕᗩᑎ ᗩᒪᒪ KIᔕᔕ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗩᔕᔕ ᒪIᑕK IT ᒪIᑕK ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗩᔕᔕᑕᖇᗩᑕK ᗩᑎᗪ ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗩᔕᔕᕼOᒪE ᗩᑎᗪ EᗩT ᗰY ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIᑕK ᗩᑎᗪ ᔕᕼOᐯE TᕼᗩT ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIᑕK ᗪOᗯᑎ YOᑌᖇ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰOᑌTᕼ ᒪIKE ᗩᑎ EᖇEᑕT ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIᒪᗪO ᗪOᗯᑎ YOᑌ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᔕEᗰEᑎ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗰOᑌTᕼ YOᑌ ᗰOTᕼEᖇᖴᑕᑌKEᖇ ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIE

ᖴᑌᑕKIᑎG ᗪIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

ᖴᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑕK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌᑌ

”

After that, I thought I was done. I thought I would’ve just walked in, said my piece and just get the fuck out of there. I didn’t want to have anything to do with J anymore, and I just did what I have to do. I finally let out a huge “fuck you” to my forum, and I felt so much relief after posting all of this nonsense, just letting out the piss storm out of me urethra and calling it a day. Over the days that would transpire, my mental episodes would not only affect the forum post-wise, but also design-wise as well, as I’ve altered the backgrounds, header, and logo of my forum too. I’ve went by changing the background on my forum to a repeating, monochrome, giygas sprite from Earthbound, the header being the Sonic CD, secret message screen, and turning the forum logo, which was the SMBX logo, upside down, making it monochrome as well.

Over the days, I’d began to forget about it, as I wanted my forum to go out with a bang. I didn’t want to just leave my forum feeling empty, as I decided to basically make it look like a shitpost, as if it were the forum’s last efforts of breathing within the world wide web. However, as I’d begin to visit my forum one last time, and all was said and done. Looking back at it, I was pretty proud of what I’ve done and I thought I would just along my merry day. That was, until I’ve visited my forum a couple days later after the incident, and noticed that I got a new PM notification. At the time, I thought to myself that it can’t be J, because I banned him for good. And also, if you didn’t know, I was getting spam emails from Russia, so I disabled guest private messages as well. So, as to curious what was going on, I scrolled down and saw a new user who had joined the forum, and it was in like in these, Chinese letters, and I’m like, wait, what the fuck? I thought I disabled guest messages, as I thought that would stop the spam messages from plaguing my inbox. So, I opened up messages, and then I see a legit message from some guy, and I’m thinking to myself, wondering who the fuck is this guy? And then I’m like, “Oh my fucking God, this fucking cunt!”.

You got to be fucking kidding me, THIS FUCKING GUY IS SO FUCKING CRAZY, THAT HE JUST CAN’T LET IT FUCKING GO! HE JUST CAN’T LET IT GO CAN HE? HE JUST HAVE TO KEEP PUSHING THE ENVELOPE WITH THIS ONE, RELENTLESS DOING SO AS WELL! This fucking hermit shelled coward had the audacity to create another fucking account to message me about my flaws as a human being, even though IT’S AGAINST THE FUCKING RULES TO FUCKING DO SO! So, in the message, he began to berate me, calling me childish, for a fucking mistake that he made, and just threw every diatribe that he can think of at me, despite being in the fucking wrong. You can’t just fucking do that! You can’t just do wrong and get away with this! This fucking guy is so immature, that he created a fucking account just to fucking call me out, even though he was the fucking one who started this whole fucking mess in the first place. The fucking lengths that this guy goes to is fucking insane, like this is pure fucking insanity! This is something a fucking deranged lunatic might do, and at this point, this isn’t even violating the rules, it’s pure fucking stalking, now.

“𝐍𝐢𝐛𝐛𝐚 𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞, 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐲𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐝, 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭!" 𝐁𝐑𝐔𝐇 𝐌𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 , 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐍𝐈 𝐆𝐆𝐀

[𝟏𝟕:𝟐𝟖:𝟓𝟒 𝟑𝟏/𝟎𝟓/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] @ 𝟏𝐃𝐄𝐃𝐁𝐎𝐈 : 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐔𝐌 𝐈𝐒 𝐎𝐍𝐄 ******* 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐁𝐎𝐈

[𝟏𝟕:𝟐𝟖:𝟓𝟕 𝟑𝟏/𝟎𝟓/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] @ 𝟏𝐃𝐄𝐃𝐁𝐎𝐈 : 𝐇𝐀𝐇𝐀𝐇𝐇𝐀𝐇𝐀𝐇𝐀𝐇𝐇𝐀𝐇𝐀𝐇𝐇𝐀𝐇𝐀𝐇𝐇𝐀

[𝟏𝟑:𝟏𝟑:𝟓𝟕 𝟎𝟑/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 𝐘𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨𝟏𝟐𝟑 : 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

[𝟏𝟑:𝟏𝟒:𝟎𝟓 𝟎𝟑/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 𝐘𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨𝟏𝟐𝟑 : 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐩

[𝟐𝟐:𝟏𝟎:𝟓𝟎 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨笨

[𝟐𝟐:𝟏𝟒:𝟓𝟔 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ مَالِكِ يَوْمِ الدِّينِ إِيَّاكَ نَعْبُدُ وَإِيَّاكَ نَسْتَعِينُ اهْدِنَا الصِّرَاطَ الْمُسْتَقِيمَ صِرَاطَ الَّذِينَ أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيْهِمْ غَيْرِ الْمَغْضُوبِ عَلَيْهِمْ وَلَا الضَّالِّينَ اهْدِنَا الصِّرَاطَ الْمُسْتَقِيمَ صِرَاطَ الَّذِينَ أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيْهِمْ غَيْرِ الْمَغْضُوبِ عَلَيْهِمْ وَلَا الضَّالِّينَ

[𝟐𝟐:𝟏𝟗:𝟎𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐅𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐍

[𝟐𝟐:𝟐𝟖:𝟑𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : *****

[𝟐𝟐:𝟐𝟖:𝟒𝟐 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐍 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃

[𝟐𝟐:𝟐𝟖:𝟒𝟓 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐁𝐀

[𝟐𝟐:𝟐𝟖:𝟒𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐐𝐀

[𝟐𝟐:𝟐𝟖:𝟓𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : ******

[𝟐𝟐:𝟐𝟖:𝟓𝟑 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐍𝐈𝐁𝐁𝐄𝐑

[𝟐𝟐:𝟐𝟖:𝟓𝟕 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐍𝐄𝐆𝐑𝐎

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟎:𝟑𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐁𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐛𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐮𝐭 𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐨𝐧 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐦, 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐟

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟎:𝟑𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐬𝐨 𝐑𝐈𝐏

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟎:𝟒𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞, 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐛𝐛𝐚 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥,

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟏:𝟎𝟑 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐈 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬, 𝐈 𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟏:𝟏𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐮𝐡 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞, 𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐪𝐚 𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟏:𝟐𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐟𝐜𝐤𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟏:𝟒𝟕 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐬, 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐝 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐡 ********, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟏:𝟓𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐛𝐮𝐥𝐥 ****

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟐:𝟏𝟐 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐬𝐨 𝐟𝐜𝐤 𝐧𝐨𝐰

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟐:𝟐𝟑 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 **** 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐥 𝐟𝐜𝐤𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟐:𝟐𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟐:𝟒𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 ****, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟐:𝟒𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐱𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟑:𝟏𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫, 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 **** 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐜𝐤𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐠 𝐚𝐝𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐌𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚,

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟑:𝟒𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐭 , 𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐧𝐨 ***** 𝐛𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐞𝐞, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟑:𝟒𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐦

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟑:𝟓𝟐 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐞𝐞𝐭

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟑:𝟓𝟔 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐧𝐢𝐛𝐛𝐚 𝐛𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐫

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟑:𝟓𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : ******* 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟒:𝟏𝟓 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐲

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟒:𝟑𝟑 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 ***** 𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐬

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟒:𝟓𝟔 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐇𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 **** 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 ****, 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐨 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬, 𝐧𝐨 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐧𝐨 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟓:𝟎𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟓:𝟎𝟓 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟓:𝟏𝟕 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐟𝐜𝐤𝐧 𝐬𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐤𝐞, 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟓:𝟐𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐟𝐜𝐤𝐧 𝐀𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐪𝐚, 𝐛𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟓:𝟒𝟐 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 ****

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟓:𝟒𝟔 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 *****

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟓:𝟓𝟕 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞, 𝐠𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨. 𝐤𝐞𝐤 𝐬𝐨𝐨𝐧

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟔:𝟐𝟕 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 **** 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐮𝐦, 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 , 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐞, 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐟𝐜𝐤 𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 ****, 𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟔:𝟐𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐰

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟔:𝟑𝟐 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : ******* 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐘

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟔:𝟒𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐨𝐫 𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟔:𝟓𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐠𝐨 𝐟𝐜𝐤𝐧 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐧 𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐲, 𝐈𝐃𝐆𝐀𝐅

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟕:𝟎𝟓 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟕:𝟏𝟑 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟕:𝟐𝟓 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐨𝐨, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐝

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟕:𝟑𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐧 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 ******* 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟕:𝟒𝟎 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭*

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟖:𝟎𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐛𝐢𝐠 ******* 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟖:𝟏𝟓 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐠𝐨 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐢𝐫𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐬

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟖:𝟒𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐓𝐁𝐇 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐲, 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟖:𝟓𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟗:𝟏𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 ***** 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄𝐄 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨,

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟗:𝟐𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐟𝐜𝐤𝐧 𝐝𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐬, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 **** 𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 , 𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜

[𝟐𝟐:𝟑𝟗:𝟒𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐬, 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐦𝐬 ****

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟎:𝟎𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 (𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬) 𝐟𝐜𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐝)

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟎:𝟒𝟎 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐈 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐚𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 **** 𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟏:𝟏𝟔 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐈'𝐦 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐳𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐲𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐝

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟏:𝟐𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐥𝐮𝐜𝐤

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟐:𝟏𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐨 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 **** 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐜𝐞, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐝𝐨 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨, 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐮𝐥𝐭

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟐:𝟏𝟓 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥 **** 𝐲𝐚 𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐪𝐚

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟐:𝟐𝟓 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐈'𝐦 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟐:𝟒𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐬, 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟑:𝟑𝟔 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐬

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟑:𝟒𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟒:𝟏𝟕 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐲, 𝐈'𝐦 𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐝, 𝐜𝐮𝐳 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐲

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟒:𝟐𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐌𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟓

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟒:𝟒𝟑 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐨𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐞𝐭 ******* 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞, 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭.

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟓:𝟎𝟐 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐓𝐡𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐥, 𝐈 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐚 ****

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟓:𝟎𝟓 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟓:𝟏𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥, 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐦 ****

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟓:𝟏𝟑 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟓:𝟏𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐡𝐚𝐡

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟓:𝟐𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟓:𝟐𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 *****

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟓:𝟐𝟕 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐜 𝐡

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟓:𝟑𝟑 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟓:𝟑𝟓 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐨𝐫

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟓:𝟑𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟓:𝟒𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 ******* 𝐚𝐯𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 ******* 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐜𝐮𝐳 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 ******* 𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐀

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟓:𝟓𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐆𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐚 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟔:𝟎𝟐 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟔:𝟎𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐰

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟔:𝟐𝟕 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞, 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐫

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟔:𝟒𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞, 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐲𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐥

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟕:𝟎𝟎 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐚𝐮𝐧𝐭

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟕:𝟎𝟕 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐬𝐨 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 **** 𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐓𝐀 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟕:𝟎𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐘𝐘𝐘

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟕:𝟏𝟎 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐊 *****

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟕:𝟏𝟑 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐂 𝐇

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟕:𝟓𝟔 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐒𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡, 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐜 𝐡 𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐠 𝐚 𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐠 𝐚𝐝𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 , 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐚 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞,

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟖:𝟑𝟎 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐠𝐨, 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐠𝐨, 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐥 **** 𝐠𝐨 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐲

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟖:𝟑𝟐 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐞𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐞𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐲

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟗:𝟎𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ******* 𝐀𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐮𝐝𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 **** 𝐟𝐜𝐤

[𝟐𝟐:𝟒𝟗:𝟐𝟓 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐏𝐨𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐀𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚?? ******* 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐘 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐠𝐨 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 ******* 𝐄𝐋𝐒𝐄

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟎:𝟎𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐠 𝐚𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 **** 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐲 ******* 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲, 𝐧𝐮𝐮 𝐦𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐠 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧 ****

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟎:𝟑𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐖𝐚𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐤, 𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐬, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧, 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐤

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟏:𝟏𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : ***** 𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐢𝐭, 𝐈𝐃𝐂, 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ******* 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟏:𝟐𝟎 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟏:𝟐𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝟏𝟎𝟎%

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟏:𝟑𝟑 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐬𝐨 𝐲𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐛𝐲𝐞 𝐧 ****

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟏:𝟑𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐮

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟐:𝟎𝟎 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐮𝐝𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 **** 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐞, 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 ******* 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐠𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟐:𝟎𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟐:𝟒𝟐 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥, 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆, 𝐈'𝐦 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐥, 𝐜𝐮𝐳 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐲 , 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐢𝐝. 𝐈 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟐:𝟒𝟕 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟑:𝟑𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐇𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐧 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 **** 𝐮𝐩 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐦𝐞 (𝐈 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭()

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟑:𝟓𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐬𝐨 𝐲𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐧𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟒:𝟏𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐀𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐍𝐎𝐖

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟒:𝟐𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐦 𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐭𝐬, 𝐡𝐦𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚, 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐮𝐦𝐛 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟒:𝟒𝟕 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐍𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞, 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 **** 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟓:𝟎𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐥𝐨𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐲

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟓:𝟎𝟔 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐈 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐲

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟓:𝟏𝟐 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐅𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟓:𝟏𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐁𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐓 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐮𝐦

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟓:𝟒𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐮𝐦 𝐢𝐭𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟓:𝟒𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟓:𝟒𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟓:𝟓𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐘 ******* 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟔:𝟏𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐃

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟔:𝟏𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐀𝐄

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟔:𝟏𝟓 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐑𝐅𝐉𝐄𝐒𝐋𝐊𝐅𝐋𝐊𝐉𝐄𝐒𝐅

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟔:𝟏𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐢𝐭 ******* 𝐰𝐚𝐬

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟔:𝟐𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐈 𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐀 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟔:𝟐𝟔 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝟐 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟔:𝟐𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝟑 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟔:𝟑𝟕 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐈 𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝟓 ******* 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒, 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐁𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐃

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟔:𝟒𝟐 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 **** 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟔:𝟒𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟔:𝟓𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐩

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟕:𝟎𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐩 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐲

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟕:𝟑𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐁𝐓𝐖 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬, 𝐜𝐮𝐳 𝐈'𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐝 , 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐟 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞, 𝐜𝐮𝐳 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟕:𝟒𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐪𝐚𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐭, 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞,

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟕:𝟓𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐬

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟖:𝟏𝟎 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐟𝐜𝐤𝐧 𝐒𝐍𝐎𝐖𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐒, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐣𝐤𝐫𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐤𝐜𝐡𝐭𝐫;𝐯

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟖:𝟏𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐞𝐞𝐞𝐞

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟖:𝟐𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐋𝐎𝐋 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬

[𝟐𝟐:𝟓𝟖:𝟑𝟓 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐰 𝐤𝐞𝐤

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟑:𝟒𝟐 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐬𝐨 𝐲𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐥𝐲

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟑:𝟒𝟑 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐞

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟑:𝟓𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐈 𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝟏𝟎𝟎% 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟒:𝟎𝟓 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟒:𝟎𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐲

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟒:𝟏𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐝𝐚𝐟𝐚𝐪 𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟒:𝟏𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐠𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟒:𝟐𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 ****

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟒:𝟐𝟑 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐅𝐔 𝐂𝐊

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟒:𝟐𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐆𝐎 𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟒:𝟑𝟐 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 *******

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟒:𝟑𝟔 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟒:𝟒𝟑 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐣𝐬𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟒:𝟒𝟒 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟒:𝟓𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐮𝐦𝐩 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟓:𝟎𝟏 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟓:𝟎𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐥𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐰

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟓:𝟏𝟔 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟓:𝟐𝟎 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟓:𝟐𝟐 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐈𝐃𝐆𝐀𝐅 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟓:𝟐𝟗 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 **** 𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟓:𝟑𝟓 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐲

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟓:𝟑𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐚 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐨

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟓:𝟒𝟑 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐢𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟓:𝟒𝟕 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐚 ******* 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐲

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟓:𝟓𝟎 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟔:𝟏𝟎 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐦𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟔:𝟏𝟑 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟔:𝟏𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟔:𝟐𝟖 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝

[𝟐𝟑:𝟎𝟔:𝟑𝟐 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟔/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎] 笨笨 : 𝐛𝐲𝐞

Not only that he posted this in the fucking chatroom, but he fucking private messaged me it as well, as if to rub this shit in my face. Reading this for the first time, I didn’t know what to say. I was speechless as to what I’ve witnessed and read, that this is the great length this guy would go to sucking dick… I don’t know who’s more immature, me or this guy, because this guy went on a fucking lengthy rant where he begins it by calling me a fucking nigger, and then afterwards, went on about how fucking childish I am, which is ironic, because all I was doing was venting my fucking frustration and taking it out on my fucking forum, but because the world is a hypocrite, he’d began to fucking blame me for his fucking faults. And on top of that, he said that “I” am the reason why he’s depressed, I’M the reason why he’s mental and traumatized, even said that I ruined his life at some points!

No, you stupid motherfucker, you did that yourself. You fucking chose to sign up on this forum and brought your fucking business onto my fucking platform. You’ve brought those 10 years with you to fucking stalk and harass me, holding my fucking time and my forum hostage, because you’re so fucking selfish, and self-centered, that all you fucking care about is yourself. You have no one else to fucking blame but yourself. You came ON MY FUCKING FORUM! ON MY FUCKING FORUM! A FUCKING PASSION PROJECT THAT I’VE MADE OUT OF THE LOVE FOR FUCKING VIDEO GAMES AND NINTENDO, AND YOU’VE BOSSED ME A-FUCKING-ROUND, AND USED IT AS A FUCKING CUMDUMPSTER! I should be blaming you instead for all the fucking years of pain that you’ve caused me. YOU’RE actually to blame for the fucking anxiety that I have in my life, not the other way around! Then, other parts he said that I should walk, as that's the reason why I’m depressed; well if you know all of that, why don’t you fucking do it yourself, you fucking hermit crab, introvert piece of fecal stained, motherfucker! This guy is a fucking hypocrite. It’s like he takes his problems in life and tries to convert that as an argument to use against me, and I am tired of it. I’m so fucking sick and tired of being a fucking slave to this guy.

I have never heard where a fucking nobody, a fucking low-ranking member, tell the admin OF ALL PEOPLE, how to live his fucking life. You should be kissing my ass for every year of pain that you caused me and how long I’ve let you get away with this shit for so long! I don’t know any scenario that does that. This guy must be delusional, because I don’t think he knows the concept of fucking authority. You wanted me to fucking chat with you in 2018, and I hesitated, because I didn’t want another fucking GILLY or ANDREW on my fucking hands, but I eventually agreed, because out of the fucking kindness of my fucking heart, I cared about you. I actually CARED about you, you were like a fucking brother to me, but you know what, I feel like I should’ve known better than to trust you, as I fucking knew day one that you were just like those people that I mentioned, because when you go on to tell me how to live my fucking life, and making new accounts just to fucking harass me, and then you’re fucking biting more than you can fucking chew, it becomes fucking cowardice at this fucking point. This is fucking childish, and I’m not the childish one, you are, you’re a fucking coward and a fucking pussy, who’s still a jobless virgin, that lives in a fucking shithole of a fucking country, so you can’t compare your life to mine. I have problems too, but that doesn’t mean you have to fucking belittle me because of it. At least I still had a fucking job, but oh that’s right, you live in a shitty country, so I guess you don’t even fucking know what that is…

And the fact that he said that he’d began to become suspicious, because he saw that my account was deleted, and then went to MY FORUM, AND THEN CREATE ANOTHER FUCKING ACCOUNT, JUST TO CALL ME OUT; IT GOES TO SHOW THAT THIS GUY IS FUCKING RELENTLESS. Like seriously, this fucking guy would stop at nothing! He is fucking unstoppable, he’s fucking crazy, he’s fucking insane. This is obsessive behavior right here, and right now as I’m typing this, I’m fearing for my fucking life! He could be anywhere for all I know! This is almost stalking at this fucking point! This fucking guy is blaming me for my mental illness, saying that it’s my fault for not controlling my mental problems, when this guy has no fucking clue what it’s like to LIVE 10 FUCKING YEARS OF FUCKING STRESS AND FUCKING ANXIETY, AND I HAD TO PUT UP WITH BULLSHIT PEOPLE LIKE FUCKING YOU!

My plan backfired as you can see, and seeing the fact that this guy just can’t let it fucking go, like anybody else, where they would just leave things be, but no this guy just wants to keep pushing the fucking boundaries, further, and fucking further, until eventually someone is going to get hurt! So, since my plan failed, thinking that if he doesn’t respond within 30 days, and my Steam gets deleted, well that lets me know that he moved on, you know, LIKE FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS DO. Well, thanks to this fucking relentless cunt, I decided to cancel the deletion of my steam account, so I guess I have my 40 or so games back, whatever… So, because he’s my friend, and I didn’t want to upset him, once again, for the millionth time of the cuck that I am, I’ve tried to be nice to him, because I’ve been a close friend to him all these years, and I’ve explained that I have mild-schizophrenia and I suffer from bipolar disorder. LUCKILY, he was (apparently) understanding, thank God for fucking once, and he said that the reason why he went mental on me was because apparently he has this so called, “traumas”, and that he can’t hear loud noises. Sure, that’s fine and all, everyone has flaws, but if you’re going to fucking berate me for the flaws that I can’t have any control over, then that’s where I draw the fucking line. So, that statement in itself is fucking hypocritical.

He’d began to ask me what other options I had for chatting with him as I lied to him, saying that my Steam account was officially dead. So instead, for this ONE instance, I’ve decided to communicate with him on Facebook, creating another account. I’ve set a meeting with him there, and I would eventually notify him of the creation of my new account, and that I’ve sent him a friend request there. So, are you starting to see a pattern here? Do you see the amount of shit that I have to put up, with this guy? So, I go on Facebook, and he accepted my friend request and I would chat with him there. Bear in mind, our interactions were very short at this moment in time, as this happened about one-two months ago, so, not much is remembered about this minor incident right here, so I’ll try to remember as much as possible here.

To be honest, I forgot what I even chatted about actually, as most of them are faded memories at this point, however I’ll try to give you the highlights. So begins the first highlight that I’m going to discuss here, as, like a fucking cuck, I’ve apologized to him, once again for what I've done and said on my forum, as I went too far with my actions. He’d began to accept the apology, almost to a point where he expected to hear what he wanted to hear. I would begin to discuss the damage that had been done after that incident, as we chatted with each other that day as I was beginning to recover our friendship, as I’d began to reveal all the details and secrets, and hidden messages that were put throughout the forum, further noting the so called crimes that I’ve committed against this special, precious saint known as J. As I’ve pointed out the hidden secrets and messages spread throughout the forum, one thing that I was beginning to notice about J, especially over the years, is how this fucking guy has a keen eye for minute details and very minor things, as I’m not fucking kidding, he would literally confirm every secret that I’ve told him in the chatlog, that was hidden on the site. Like this fucking guy is so mental and has a really sharp eye, he could fucking figure out the Voynich Manuscript at this fucking point. Like for example, when I removed his name from the moderators list in the rules of my forum, he even noticed the small edit that I’ve made on that post, saying, “REMOVED BECAUSE J IS A FUCKING TRAITOR”. It’s literally in small fucking text, and it’s barely noticeable and I was beginning to think that when you’re this fucking obsessive, and this fucking mental, where you literally sit in front of the fucking computer all day, you would become like this. I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy fantasizes about me, as he beats his dick off to my face!

As we chatted further more, we'd discussed other things that I did on the forum, like how I’ve gone mental and calling everyone a traitor, to how I changed the aesthetics of the forum to a more horror centered theme, indicating the psychotic episode that I had from the incident that I’ve chatted with him. Obviously, I didn’t tell him the true reason why I left him because, once again, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings that HE was being a narcissistic, selfish, and demanding asshole, so I just lied about it to him. After our exchange of words, things began to take off again, and granted, our friendship was still damaged, at this point, it’s just like trying to repair a punctured air balloon, as eventually, it’ll come crashing down.

Another highlight was the discussion about the game that I wanted to make. Now, this incident right here has long-way evolved from awhile back when I was bitter about video games at the time. Despite my ramblings about the video game industry and how disgruntled I was with it around that time, I had already changed my mind as I just looked back at my decision to kill off my franchises as immature, as I was acting childish and wasn’t in the right state of mind when I did those things. Despite the funeral that I’ve had for all my video game IP’s and everything, I explained to him that I’ve resurrected all of those characters, and just decided to revive my video game company, as I realized that decision that I made was irrational at the time, and didn’t want to let things get to me on a personal level. After making that explanation, as the day burned on, I’ve began to become comfortable talking to him again and one of the things that I’ve discussed about was some more lore that I wrote for Insect Mashers. I just felt like this would be additional thing that would add to the conversation, as I told him about this conceptual spinoff game that I had an idea for, as it would serve as a prequel to the Insect Mashers lineup.

For nearly an hour, I would begin to outline the entire story, just letting out the piss that I had inside of me. I wasn’t trying to impress this guy this time, as think of this as just me venting all the things that I had inside of my head, basically just pissing out everything that I had built up inside of me, lore-wise, as you know, to connect the story and everything in between, building upon the game, just so I can give this guy an understanding of what the it is really about. Even though, despite me knowing that I wasn’t doing this to impress him, as I rambled for many minutes about the story for the planned game, I still noticed that this guy seemed to show no interest at all, what is being said here. As I went on and on, outlining the details about the prequel to the franchise I wanted to make, he would just reply with stupid phrases then again like, 𝕜𝕖𝕜, and, 𝕪𝕖𝕖𝕥, as informing me that most of this just went over his head. I feel like this guy wasn’t probably even reading the chat, he was probably playing some stupid game to kill time while I rambled about my ideas.

As I was finishing up the story and everything, finally explaining the ending to it and the ideas that I had for the game like gameplay mechanics, what it would look like, combat, etc., at this point he had seemed to stop caring, ONCE AGAIN, and he literally diverged from the fucking subject, with literally the most unremorseful fucking response that I’ve ever received in my fucking life… “So, how’s the weather over there.”. I was taken aback by this, as my heart almost stopped beating for a second from what I just read… So, to be nice, I answered his question briefly, and then shortly after, I tried to bring back up the concepts for my game, and he just kept ignoring it, not acknowledging everything I just said, and brought up other colloquial nonsense, as if he just want to move on with his life. Being mildly frustrated from being ignored, I said that I’ll just see him later, as I left the chatroom disappointed and in disbelief that I fell for the bait once again.

Over time, I was hoping that he would redeem himself after the past anecdotes that were discussed here in this chapter so far, as I tried to give him a chance, thinking that he would improve, and our friendship would be reunited once again, just like how it was in 2018, and granted it was average, things were going very slow at this point, and I didn’t chat as much with him, because I am still recovering from the incident that I had with him, prior; It just didn’t feel the same anymore. The one time in my entire life, when I wanted to talk to this guy, where I didn’t, J ironically ended up being the opposite of what he was in 2018. Back then, he always used to look forward to talking with me, asking me what I have been up to, and even though he did go mental due to my absence of speaking with him, it still showed that he somewhat cared about me, and I began to regret not taking advantage of the opportunity to chat with him, as this is probably the last of that J that I’ll ever see…

However, despite all of that, one day… One goddamn fucking day, the one, true highlight of all of this entire fiasco, the one that truly started it all. It was the reason why I created this fucking document to fucking begin with. This fucking incident right here… This fucking incident was the straw that broke the fucking camel’s back for me, and at this point, I had enough of his fucking bullshit, and I was tired of being a fucking pushover cuck once again, and I decided to say, enough, is enough! This motherfucker has gone too fucking far, and the event that were about to take place, would change every perception I had about him, and further disintegrate my respect for him…

It was around night time, on a random day, in the month of June, and since I was chatting with him again, and growing out of my paralyzed state, of my dreams being crushed, I decided to get back into making video games again. For those who don’t know, over the course of two years (and if you count 2010 when I first discovered it), I had mastered Graphics Gale, as I loved their color palette that they used. Like I said, it was everything that I ever wanted, because their color palette is very reminiscent of the NEOGEO, PS1, and SNES-era palette of colors, and I liked that very much! Well, because of my love for pixel art, I bought Aseprite, and to be honest, it took me sometime of getting used too, because of the new layout and new workflow that I had to learn. Well, despite me getting to like Aseprite, even though I used Graphics Gale more, my one gripe about the software was that it didn’t have the color palette that I wanted.

You see, the color palette used in modern games are way different than the color palette used in games like Metal Slug. I don’t know why, but it seems like they use almost like this “pastel” color palette for the sprites, and as much as I love pastel colors (because I find them relaxing), I was not a fan of them as much, because I always preferred the more brighter, colorful sprites, which is why games like Metal Slug, Kirby Super Star, and Symphony of the Night are my favorites when it comes to sprite work. The colors are more expressive in those games. They feel a whole lot sharper and convey more character to the player. The only time I would use pastel colors in my game is if it’s the background, but that’s usually like natural backgrounds like grass, deserts, etc.

Anyways, I’m getting off track, so I was working on some sprite work, and I decided to create a tileset for a prototype game that I might make. It was a metroidvania that I had in mind, and I wanted to start coming up with concepts for the game. So, as you remember very early in this chapter, I talked to you about this sprite I made in Graphics Gale, as it was me testing the skin tone palette in the software, and applying it to the girl in the swimsuit, as I did the shading and everything? Well, I decided to import that sprite into Aseprite and, for reference, and proportion sake. I wanted to scale it against the background, as I would design all the tiles in that canvas, based off that sprite’s proportions and color-tone, as you know, to match and everything. You wouldn’t want to player sprite to be disproportionate to the furniture around the room, would you?

So, I began to design the tileset for the game. I made this a wood based tileset, drawing out the base outline and getting a general idea of how it would turn out. As I learned how to get better at pixel art, one thing I would notice about games like Metal Slug, and other graphically stunning arcade games were how they achieved so much detail in the sprites. I began to notice the abundant use of more colors. I realized that using more colors for the sprites made it look more alive and really pop out to the player, resulting in eye-candy. I found out that my sprites never looked that good when it’s just three or four colors, so what I would do is that I would add sub colors to the sprites, to almost give it that anti-aliasing look to it, and it really made my sprites look Metal Slug-tier good.

As I began to do the details for the floors and everything, I then worked on the background, which would be this wood background. Basically, the background was a collection of wood planks, lined in a way like bricks, cross-parallel to each other and doing this was the hardest, because I had to pick the right color and tone to compliment the tileset. I used more colors for the background, as that’s what the player is going to see throughout the rest of the game, as you want to keep the eyes company. So, I added so much detail, including the lighting, and the cracks in the planks of wood, to an erosion look to it, giving the fact that the house looks like it’s rotting away.

Before

After doing all of that, I was satisfied in the colors used in it of itself, however, the more I looked at the background compared to the foreground, I wasn’t satisfied, hue-wise. I noticed that the color for the background looked too showy, as it stood out, as backgrounds in games are suppose to be nice looking, but it’s not supposed to be to the point where it stands out and distracts the player, so I decided to just adjust the color on the background layer to my liking and after a few tweaks, here and there, adjusting the contrast and making it compliment the foreground, it was finally done. It was finally finished, and I realize that my masterpiece is completed. I was so excited, as this was the most that I’ve ever accomplished in my entire life, and I can’t believe I’ve gotten this far into learning pixel art! I was really excited, and I couldn’t wait to show my ““““friend”””, this beautiful work the next day. I then patted myself on the back, as I was pacing towards the kitchen to get a glass of water, feeling a sense of happiness as the water cleansed my insides with so much joy! And then so, I went to bed, feeling like I’ve accomplished everything that I needed to do, and thinking that my friend was going to be mind-blown after showed this to him.

After

Morning came, and I then woke up to a beautiful, chirp filled morning. So excited, I then rushed out of bed to my computer and looked on Facebook. Observing the online status about my friend’s profile name, I raced my cursor over to the chatbox and began to chat with him on Facebook, as I was so excited to show him a concept for a new game that I was working on. I thought I was going to blow this guy’s asscheeks off, as I put fucking 8 hours into this fucking piece of art. I did my usual greetings, saying good morning and all of that as I did the best I could to build up our conversation to treat him to this amazing piece of work, and then at the right moment, at the right time, the confident person that I was, I decided to drop the bomb on him. I finally decided to reveal the work of art that I’ve put sweat and fucking tears into… I was so excited, heart-racing and everything as I told him that I was going to show him this new artwork for a game that I was planning on making, and that it was a concept art to give him an idea what the game might be about.

Being so excited after telling him that, I clicked on the “Upload Image” button, as Windows Explorer engulfed my screen, and I searched for the file that contained the data for that image, as I clicked “Open” on that said image, and then, shortly after, the image was submitted, showing up on our screens. I waited a couple seconds, as I saw his profile picture travel down below my picture, indicating that the post had been seen. As I've had high expectations for what was about to come, getting at least some form of commemoration for the hard work I did, making this piece of art, instead I was greeted by this, fucking, stupid, motherfucking, cocksucking, analfucking, dicksucking, dicklicking, birdfucking, cowhumping, elephant shit-eating, piss-diarrhea shit drinking, bullshit, motherfucking response…

Why are you showing me this? I've already seen that before.

I wanted to fucking scream. I really wanted to goddamn fucking scream. Not only, that I worked on that concept art for 8 fucking hours, putting my hard work, my fucking blood and sweat into that fucking piece, you mean to fucking tell me that you’re THIS FUCKING STUPID, AND THIS FUCKING HEARTLESS, TO NOT NOTICE THE FUCKING CHANGES TO THE FUCKING SPRITE AND FUCKING BACKGROUND? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID, ARE YOU FUCKING DUMB, DO YOU NEED TO GET YOUR FUCKING BRAIN CHECKED!

On the inside I wanted to fucking kill someone, and on the outside, I wanted to fucking scream, I wanted to take my fucking equipment, and my fucking monitor on my fucking desk and just throw it across the fucking room in pure fucking rage. I fucking owed this guy all of my fucking time, and I did the best that I can to keep him company, because I've looked after him, fulfilling his request that he wanted me to chat with him, and wanted to spend time with me, but all he did was fucking use me, and throw me under the fucking bus. You mean to fucking tell me that after all this fucking time that I’ve kept him fucking company and tried to make him feel comfortable, this ungrateful spoiled fucking cunt is going to fucking treat me like this!?

So, I was taken aback by what he had just said, those fucking words piercing my heart, as I literally told him, in a nice way, “No, it’s the background, you see the background and the tileset that I added”, my vision tilting in fucking anger as I was fucking typing that, and of all the fucking responses that he had to pick, he literally responded with, “Oh…”. Nothing, just, “Oh…”. “Oh…”. FUCKING “OH”! So, after all of that, he THEN, changed the fucking conversation, in no shape of form, whatsoever acknowledging the fact that I had submitted to him a FUCKING OBVIOUS CHANGE IN THE FUCKING ART! YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT NOTICE THAT? HOW DO YOU NOT NOTICE THE FUCKING BACKGROUND AND THE TILESET THAT WAS USED IN THAT PICTURE!? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID? ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH? LIKE, SERIOUSLY? ARE YOU REALLY THAT FUCKING RETARDED!?

So, feeling heartbroken after what I had just read, I gave him a subtle hint to make him aware of what he was doing and what he said was wrong, literally saying… “Well, I guess it’s not like my art mattered anyways…”. The next response that came after it, is what killed me. Killed the Roger that he knew and love, killed the friendship that I had with him, and everything in between. Everything that I had built up to at this point, the pure fucking respect I had for this guy, as a friend, and those 10 years of knowing him and admiring him for what he was, had just been demolished, right in front of my fucking eyes. It had been shattered into a million fucking pieces… In response to those words in the form of agony, was a nonchalant, cold, unsympathetic, and heartless response to ever be typed on the face of the earth… “Oof…”.

After reading that, I felt empty. I felt violated. I felt like a fucking worthless cum dumpster after hearing that… This guy, is fucking evil… I have never met a fucking person so fucking selfish in my entire fucking life… I can’t believe, he took 10 fucking years away from me, held my fucking forum hostage, talked down to me like a fucking cuck, and HAD THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO GO ON MY FUCKING FORUM, BREAK MY FUCKING RULES, AND THINK THAT HE CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS FUCKING SHIT! I CAN’T TAKE THIS FUCKING SHIT ANYMORE! I feel like I’ve been scammed by this fucking guy, I feel like I’ve been robbed. How the fuck do you even do something like this? So cold… So fucking conniving, so fucking backstabbing? Like this is conman levels of deception, this is fucking Frank Abagnale level deception right here! How the fuck, for 10 years, do you pull this fucking shit off, played me like a goddamn fucking dog, and just walk away, pretending like it never happened!? This fucking guy, is literally like the fucking equivalent of a kidney robber. He fucking spikes your drink, as he talks to you, all nice and sweet and everything, and as he talks to you, keeping you company, you’d begin to slowly pass out, as you consume his bullshit lies that he had been feeding you over the course of five minutes, and then before you know it, you wake up like six hours later, and you realize that this guy stole your fucking kidneys and sold them to the black market. Yeah, this guy is the fucking equivalent to that.

The fact that this guy stated in HIS document (yes, this fucking lowlife of a goddamn cunt wrote a document about me as well, and he sent it to me too; this document is my version of that, but in response to him) that he FUCKING pretended to agree with me, while in the back of his head, he thought that I was being childish, and let me make a complete ass of my fucking self, where he could’ve fucking corrected me and atleast try to give me tips on how to improve in life. It goes to show how fucking friends can be, this guy is not only a compulsive liar, but this guy is a fucking sociopath. All he fucking does is sits at his fucking computer, typing at his fucking keyboard, like a lowlife, basement dwelling, chicken-necked FUCK that he fucking is, and literally all he does is nothing but feeds on statistics like a mindless, brainless fucking cum dumpster. All he fucking does is talks about statistics of other countries, and talking about populations and how they should be decimated in half. I’m so fucking sick and tired of this fucking asshole.

So, as you can obviously tell, I’ve been past that line of breaking all ties with him at this point, as this is the last time I’m going to converse with this guy. This guy fucking betrayed me, and fucking played me like a goddamn fool, held my fucking forum hostage by obsessively stalking me, and not knowing when to fucking let things go, and is a hypocritical fucking liar. So, if you don’t know, I gave him the silent treatment, and I stopped talking to him altogether. It’s been a couple months in, since writing this document, when I last talked to him, as I just left him in the dark, leaving him to wonder and beg for my mercy. The last thing I told him before cutting off our friendship for good was when I said that I was going to contact, ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 (And I said that as a double whammy, meaning that I’d rather talk to ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 than this fucking ungrateful cunt!), and ever since then, I never talked to him ever again…

That same day, I was originally going to make a post on my forum, explaining and exposing the dark secrets of my friendship with J, and how sour it went, as it was going to be posted on the forum. I even added a secret message to my forum, in the scrolling text below the navigation buttons, giving hints on where to find this post. However, what originally was going to be a forum post, would just turn out to be, this document… You see, you would fucking think, that when someone doesn’t want to talk to you, then it’s best that you let it go, and they’d assume that that person doesn’t want to have anything to do with you, but no, he doesn’t fucking do that. At the time, to prevent further harassment from this guy, as I didn’t want another curse out from this guy, I disabled the chat box on my forum, removing it for good, which is fucking sad, because I have to adjust my forum based on this guy’s psychotic antics. I fucking kid you not, two weeks later, he literally started private messaging me on the forum about the recent modifications of the forum. I got a new PM from him asking me where the chat box went, and after reading that, it really showed me what kind of person this guy is. This guy is nothing but a manipulative fucking cunt, and he’ll do fucking anything, take great lengths, and go great measures to get whatever he fucking wants. -

I kept my mouth shut after that, realizing that this guy apparently doesn’t know when to leave things alone. Like seriously, it’s over, stop fucking harassing me and leave me the fuck alone. The fact that this guy has “friends”, is a goddamn lie. If he has all these so-called Facebook friends (which are most likely fake anyways), why doesn’t he talk to them? What makes me so fucking special, and why the fuck are you fucking harassing me! HE EVEN SAYS THAT HE HAS ANOTHER FRIEND FROM AMERICA, WHY DON’T YOU FUCKING TALK TO HIM? Like it seemed suspicious that he says he has other friends that he talks to, but yet he spends more time with me than talking to those people. Wouldn’t you want to like balance it all out and just talk to each one of us at a time?

But no, this fucking guy is a manipulative cunt, that will fucking harass you to no end if you don’t share the same fucking viewpoints with him, because this guy is a fucking insecure, self-centered fucking cunt. He has fucking informed me several times that he blocked people on Facebook that don’t share his viewpoints, because apparently fuck opinions, amirite? I have problems myself, but at least I don’t try to be a fucking dick to people like this guy. This guy fucking tells me that he has unfriended people because they didn’t share his same ideology as them, and at the time, being so fucking naïve, I sided with fucking J. I fucking did that, because I wanted to fucking please him and everything and just played along, thinking that he was just being fucking childish at the moment, but when you fucking come out and “ironically”, call me a fucking snowflake, even though you have no job, and you sit at the fucking computer, doing whatever mental shit you’re doing, and playing nothing but fucking games (because this guy doesn’t even have a fucking console, he only plays emulator shit), and sitting on your fucking ass and telling me to go walk, then you’re the fucking snowflake! You’re the one who’s the fucking snowflake!

All this guy talks about is how he is lonely, and how he had never had friends in real life. Gee, I fucking wonder why! Maybe, it’s because you’re a fucking obsessive, relentless, fucking pork intolerant, towel wearing, sandnigger, who only thinks about your fucking self; who’s narcissistic views are so far out of touch with reality, that nobody would want to fucking be around pieces of shit like you... He constantly tells me how the world is full of pieces of shits, and how he wishes that someone wants to, “hug” him, and apparently that turns him on, because he’s a fucking faggot muzzie, sandnigger. No. Fuck no. Nobody would want to fucking hug you, because you’re nothing but a fucking selfish, spoiled cunt who fucking cries when you don’t get the attention that you deserve. Nobody would want to volunteer, hugging a fucking piece of shit, narcissist as your fucking self. And no, I’m not being racist, I only call people names when they fucking deserve it, and you sir, are being a fucking dumb sandnigger!

So, knowing the fact that he’s catching onto my schemes, I’d began to make change of plans, as I wanted this document to be kept out of reach from his grasp. I’ve ensured that everything has gone according to plan. All the special characters and fonts used in this document was just to prevent J from finding it in Google, and trust me, I’ve back-searched most of the fonts, and come to find out, most of them are font sensitive, meaning that you can’t type any word in Google, as it has to be the certain fancy text font in order to see the message, so good luck with that, J… The supposed post that were to be published on my forum, has gone unfinished, and that unfinished post has just been finished here, and that unfinished post is this document. I had decided not to post it on my forum, realizing how much that guy had ruined such a beautiful forum, and he’d literally placed me on house arrest at this fucking point. So, to take extra measures, as you probably already know, I’ve decided to post it on my blog, and removed any references to it on my forum to take extra steps, coming up with new scenarios in case, as if when this fucking cunt tries to find it, I will try to bury it.

Let this post be a time capsule, a treasure if you will. This document is supposed to be buried treasure, to be hidden from that fucking tyrant. To this day, as days went by, this guy is still fucking harassing me and he won’t fucking stop. Literally I’m getting more fucking messages from this fucking guy. New fucking private messages from him every other week. JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. LET IT GO, JUST LET IT FUCKING GO, STOP HARASSING ME AND HOLDING ME, MY FREEDOM, MY TIME, AND MY FORUM FUCKING HOSTAGE! Like do you want to fucking hold me, faggot? You want to hold my fucking dick, like a fucking faggot? I’m so sick and tired of this fucking cunt!

Just recently, he’s fucking screaming at me in an email, because I’ve stopped hanging out with him. Gee, I wonder fucking why? Maybe there’s a fucking reason for that, and maybe, it’s because I want to move on with my fucking life, but no, instead, he doesn’t understand what fucking personal space is. I got an email from him, calling me mental and shit, accusing me of not hanging out with him and literally, fucking crying in the fucking email. And you wonder why I’m not hanging out with this guy. It’s no wonder why I’ve been trying to avoid this fucking guy, it’s because of fucking things like this!

Two years ago, I did this guy a fucking favor. I did him a fucking favor. I did what he asked me to fucking do. I said that I was going to hang out with him, and I took up for him ever since. I began to fucking make sacrifices, and I’ve took time out of MY FUCKING WORK, AND LITERALLY FUCKING SACRIFICED MY FUCKING STUDIES, all just to fucking comfort this low-life, freeloading cunt, and keep him company as he didn’t have anyone to fucking talk to. He came to me at a low point in his life and I thought that he would do the fucking same, because I thought that he might’ve fucking learned that from me, the experiences that he had with me, and I thought he would return the favor. But no, instead, when I came to him, at my lowest point in my fucking life, he did none of that.

Instead, he was just a manipulative, selfish cunt that wanted things to go his fucking way. When he fucking cried and whined to me, I was helpful, empathetic, and comforting, as I was encouraging him, helping him when he was at an all-time low, out of the pure, and genuine kindness of my fucking heart. When “I” fucking cried and whined to him when I was at an all-time low in my life, he tells me to fucking grow up and stop being a fucking snowflake. When I tried to bring up fucking discussions with him, discussing my fucking theories, you know to have a comfortable conversation to keep me company at a time of need, he responds with the most careless fucking responses like, “IDK”, or “I guess”. When I show him my fucking work to keep him company and entertained, he gives me a fucking “meh” response, no empathy, no enthusiasm, no care whatsoever… I can just fucking imagine the face that he makes as he types on his stupid little keyboard, with just the most emotionless look on his fucking face, just the dullest expression that you can think of, but yet, he fucking berates me when he tells his stories, and I don’t give them any attention; and even when I don’t, at least I fucking try to be interested in what he had to say, out of the respect of my heart. But, where was that interest from him when I tell him my sides of the story? He only cares about what he wants to fucking hear, and if you don’t tell him what he wants to hear, then it’s fuck you then… It goes to show, that you can’t trust the fucking world, because the world will fucking betray you. This is the third person that I’ve encountered on my internet journey to do this to fucking me, and out of the three people that did this to me, this is the worst, most vile, coldest person that I’ve ever interacted with in my entire fucking life.

It’s people like this that makes me despise humanity even fucking more. Humanity is nothing but fucking hypocritical pieces of fucking shit. You know, it’s 2012, and I saw a new member on the forum. I’ve interacted with all the previous members, and we would just chat and have fun with each other, the tonality of the entire forum was balanced and there was no chaos whatsoever. And then, one unfortunate fucking day… One day, I fucking scrolled down my own forum and saw a name that would be a blasphemous sin-stain to have surface upon the face of my fucking message board… It was ᑭOKEᗰᗩᔕTEᖇ… And you know, I thought nothing of this guy. I literally thought nothing of this guy. I thought he would just be a fly-by-night member that would stop by, make a couple of posts, and that’s it, he would leave and be like the rest of the absent members of the fucking forum, but little did I know, this guy, would become to be the most obsessive, stalkative, sociopathic, person that I would ever come across. And I can already tell, since the beginning of time when he did surface on my site, that I was already getting bad vibes from him… His childish mannerisms, the tone of his posts, the poor grammar, it all contrasted with the other posts that the members made at the time.

All those years of knowing him, being friends with him, our days of innocence, as we exchanged our likings of things with one another, had been nothing but an exploit to get me to waste my time with this sick human fucking being. The innocent J that I used to know in 2012 and 2013, is the not the J that I know now. The J now, is a selfish, arrogant, and flippant person with a sick sense of fucking humor. I even wonder if he pretended to act like this all these fucking years to set me up, and just make a fucking ass of myself. He calls me childish when I give my personal grievances about things, as he thinks those things are trivial to him, but I also call it childish when you write a 40,000 word document about yourself, including me and calling me immature within that document, and obsessing over fucking populations of multiple countries and wishing humanity’s extinction. Narcissism much? I bet you any money, humanity didn’t even do anything bad to this guy, and even so; so what? I also hate humanity as well, due to my PERSONAL experiences with them, and lack of friends in the past, so what makes me so fucking different from you?

And the sad part about all of this is, this guy is fucking relentless, he won’t fucking stop if it would be to save his own fucking life. He would keep creating fucking accounts on my forum, and harass me until he gets his fucking way, because this guy is a fucking coward with a fucking clit between his fucking legs who has never had a fucking job like I did. There’s no sense in banning him, as he would just create another fucking account, that’s how inhumanely active this fucking guy is, this guy is just OBSESSED! FUCKING OBSESSED WITH ME, AND HE JUST DOESN’T KNOW WHEN TO LET IT FUCKING GO! I was also thinking about banning his IP address, but there’s no point, proven the fact that I already disabled fucking chat box, and private messaging, AND HE STILL HAD THE FUCKING AUDACITY, THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO GET MY FUCKING EMAIL AND FUCKING MESSAGING ME, CURSING ME OUT, CALLING ME MENTAL AND SHIT! THIS GUY IS FUCKING PSYCHOTIC, THIS IS FUCKING LUNACY! THIS GUY IS FUCKING CRAZY!

And what’s even scarier is that this guy could be anywhere on the fucking internet. It’s not just my fucking forum, he could be on my YouTube channel, my Facebook, even on my fucking Steam, just jacking off to his fantasy of having my dick slapping his fucking face; he could even find this fucking blog of all fucking places! And right now, as I’m typing this, I’m fearing for my life because of it! I had to deactivate my YouTube channel, because I don’t know what mental shit he’s going to pull next, and considering the fact that he’s constantly on the fucking computer, typing all fucking day, not doing nothing else but fucking eat, beating his dick to Facebook for many hours, and going to sleep, I wouldn’t doubt that he would land his nosy ass on this fucking page as well.

It’s fucking sad man… It’s fucking sad that I’ve wasted so much of my fucking time. He’s going to FUCKING accuse me of wasting his time for 10 fucking years, where’s it should excruciatingly be the other FUCKING WAY around. I’ve wasted my time. I’ve wasted it by investing my FAITH in him as I was trying to grow our friendship between us, only to be disappointed by piss poor responses, and being fucking neglectful by not responding to my posts for 5-10 minutes as a fucking time. I feel like I’ve wasted fucking hours of my life, talking to this sad, disgusting human fucking being, and essentially I’ve been donating my kind and loving words by putting his sorry fucking ass on friendship life-support because of it! Like, I feel like all those fucking eight hours that I’ve fucking threw away could’ve fucking gone to something more better, and more fucking productive. The fact that I’m writing this fucking document, is more worth it than talking to this fucking emotionless, ass-faced, dickwad! I feel like those fucking eight hours could’ve gone to reading a fucking book, I could’ve learned a lot of new words from another language in that span of fucking time, I could’ve been making my fucking game, and learn a programming language just to get my game off it’s feet than to talk to this fucking guy, I’d rather do anything than to interact with this sad, abominable, disgraceful, pile of flesh of a human fucking being!

I never thought I would say this, but after all the encounters with all the crazy fucking people on the fucking internet, from crazy faggot fucks like Andrew, who wanted to stroke my dick, posting his fucking address, and sending a selfie of himself to me, to Gilly, who would constantly fucking harass me, and messaging me by blowing up my fucking Steam, every time I’ve EVEN ATTEMPT to go online for ONE FUCKING MINUTE, I hate to fucking say this. I hate to fucking be the judge of all of this, but because of the culmination of the tremendous pain that this fucking person has caused me, and devaluing my fucking sanity, my fucking forum, and my fucking time as a human being that could’ve been better valued, Mr. J, you are officially up there with fucking Andrew and Gilly! I hope you’re proud of that title, and so am I, because that title helps me stay away from other fucktards like yourself. This would be the last time I would trust someone on the fucking internet!

So, J, I hope you’re fucking satisfied with the damage that you’ve cause, you fucking manipulative, anus drinking, testicle slurping, cowfucking, monkey sucking, monkeyfucking, dickhead licking, cumdrinking, analfucking, analshitting, cocksucking, motherfucking, wall humping, pillow humping, lying, conniving piece of motherfucking, analfucking, scrotum licking piece of fucking shit. Get a fucking noose and fucking hang yourself for the fucking piece of shit that you are, and fuck you for ruining the 10 precious years of my fucking life, my fucking forum, and my fucking legacy as a human being, as you’re one of the people who fucking contributed to my 6 years of fucking anxiety and depression, and more agonizing days to fucking come! I wanted out of this, but you’ve brought me into a situation that I didn’t want to be apart of. I am not your fucking family member, I was never born in your fucking country, and I was never apart of your fucking life. You chose to fucking perceive it that way, and you’re delusional because of that, and look at you now. You’re fucking crying because I’ve just gave you a dose of something that you probably haven’t heard of, but it’s a really interesting word that you should read up on. It’s called FUCKING REALITY!!! I wouldn’t be surprised if you were probably the cause of my fucking anxiety and depression, itself, as I’ve lost SIX FUCKING YEARS OFF OF MY FUCKING LIFE BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT! FUCK YOU AND FUCKING DIE YOU ANALFUCKING PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!!! I NEVER FUCKING LIKED YOUR FAGGOT ASS TO BEGIN WITH!!!

Chapter 27: Epilogue – Dear Humanity

Back to Table of Contents

I’ve seen it all… I’ve seen it fucking all. Well, if you finally read all to the end of this entire document, thank you… You’ve wasted your life, just as much as I’ve wasted mine, but it was a good waste of time, as it’s not as bad as wasting my life with “that” friend anymore. I’ve seen everything. Fucking everything… We’ve come so far, as human beings. We came all the way from the days of the Neolithic-era, to slavery, to the barbaric wars that have been fought, such as the Napoleonic wars, to the Civil War, to both devastating world wars that have been fought, nearly causing humanity’s extinction – however, throughout that time, we’ve developed advanced technology to bring humanity to the peak of progression, acceptance and diversity.

However, even after the advancement of technology, things like civil rights, and building relations with other countries, as gone are the days of discrimination, imperialism, and colonialism, it goes to show, that even in today’s day and age, humanity can be just as fucking cancerous, just as our ancestors once were, and the internet proves it. The internet brings the worst out of all of us, and even me sometimes, but you have to understand, that what I’ve written here is justified, as I feel it’s though, as if a gun was being held to my head. The truth was missing from the equation, and I wanted to finally speak up on the matter that this person had deprived me for so many years of my life, taking away the ability to freely express how I feel, caging me in like a bird in a box, dictating, and talking down to an authoritative figure, which is the administrator and bringing him down to your level. And then when you try to ban him, because that’s considered a violation of the rules, he had the audacity to come back, make another account (which is also against the rules), and lecture me some more about how much of a coward I am.

This is why Beefster Report was created. I’ve created this platform for the sole reason to support any other person in their lives who had gone through unfair trials throughout their livelihood. It’s a platform for those who have no friends, it’s a platform for those friendless people to have a voice and freely express who they are, and what they should strive to be. I wanted to make the next person see this blog, and see all the things that I’m saying and they might be in the same shoes that I was, and say, “Hey! I’m just like that too!”. That’s how you build a loyal community. I am going to abandon that forum that I mentioned as I have gone far past SMBX, and I realize that it’s time to outgrow that once and for all.

I’m not going to delete that forum, as I’m going to leave it up there, and as well as with those foolish posts made by that person, just so I can let him make a complete ass of himself, along with the nonsense he had been spewing to, for all for the world to see, feast their eyes and laugh at. I am no longer going to moderate the forum, as it is officially dead in my eyes, and thanks to this fucking cunt, I was originally putting this forum on life support, but because this guy showed up, he had just so happened to pull the plug on that… The forum will remain locked for the rest of time, and for days to come, for months to come, for years, for decades, for centuries even – how about, forever… That forum is now in the hands of “J”, as it belongs to him now. I’m not kidding, it’s officially his to keep, and he is now officially the administrator. Good luck running a forum that is forever locked with no new members to moderate, whilst under the status of just a forum member.

I’ve created that forum for a sole reason. A sole purpose: for it to be a passion community. My forum started out as a passion project for the SMBX community, and not because of my rivalry with as303298, as that’s childish in my eyes now, but because for my love of Nintendo. It all goes way back to 2008, when I grew up playing countless Nintendo flash games, and then eventually going on to having my first Nintendo console ever – the Nintendo DSi. The company contributed so much to my childhood, it had freed me of the worries and struggles in my life, and it had gotten me through the depression and anxiety, as it made me forget about the shitty world around me. The fact that I can be frustrated with fucking humanity, and how they are the most corrupt people on the face of the Earth, the fact that those same humans that I hate, Nintendo proves that there are good humans as well.

The main reason why I made my forum was because I wanted to share my passions, not because of my SMBX projects, but also my passion for Nintendo, as I fucking loved them as a company back then, and I still love them to this very day! I wanted to build a community where people can get together, and have fun, discussing their favorite games and their favorite characters. Granted, there was already Knux back then, but most of those forums were very strict and limited, giving less freedom than desired. My forum was the first one to go beyond that boundary. I wanted to let members express their freedom, and have as much fun as needed be, still without being offensive. Where other forums disallowed double posting, I allowed it; Where other forums disallowed bumping of threads, I allowed it.

I was very lenient, and granted, suffice to say, even though there were a few cancerous people here and there, I’ve actually met a real friend. A friend that was actually, really good to me, and that was ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝. Everything ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 did, J didn’t do. ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 was obedient to me, he was loyal, he knew what authority was. There’s a reason why I didn’t make J a moderator, despite his “supposed” close friendship with me; he never showed a sense of maturity. ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 was very mature, and he handled things very well. He was a very nice person too, as he would help out with the forum, moderate bad posts that would come in, and help me with several projects. Because of all of this, and because I had no members, and I had a perfect, friendly member arrive on the scene, this early on; it's what made ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 an administrator very early on as a member.

I gave him full control over the forum, because judging from all the actions that I have just mentioned, he is someone who you would trust. Based on the actions as mentioned in countless chapters prior, would J be someone who you would trust? No. He’s not. He’s nothing but a fucking thug. A lowlife, whiny, bitchy, fucking childish person. And granted, I’ve become that way too, but that’s because of years of buildup from the stress, and it was due to the toxicity that emanated from what is a cancer stain on our planet Earth, called “humans”. However, ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 was an exception. To this day, I look back and I cry out to him, and I sincerely hope he is doing perfectly well, and I hope whatever he’s doing out there, I hope he succeeds. Thank you for giving me a good life ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝, I owe you a big one.

Just like how ℝ𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕝 had moved on with his life, I will continue to live towards fighting for what’s right. I will continue to run this site, publishing my personal grievances as need be, I will not sit back, I will not be a pushover, I will not be a coward, and I will not be talked down too. I will fight back against the corruption that had been committed against me in my life. From the mistreatment at my school, to the nightmarish situation encountered at my work, unforgettably I might add, and the recent fiasco with J, I will take great measures to prevent another incident from happening again in the future.

There is a sole reason why Beefster Report is a thing. It is a place for me to report on all the corruption that is going on in this fucking world, and my fucking opinions for them. I will not be silenced, I will not be a fucking cuck, and just sit back and let the dick get shoved up my fucking ass. If a “fuck you”, is a “fuck you”, then a “fuck you”, is a “fuck you”, and I will live by that statement until I fucking die. My primary goal is to fight for my free right to voice my opinion, and for others like me to voice theirs, as well as with their frustrations with life, the world, and the world wide web. I will not be a fucking dog, and I will not be a slave to someone’s opinions. This is who I am. This is who I should've been. This is Beefster Report, the latest and daily dose of internet stupidity.

Yours, and Only, Truly,

TLDR: My life was a mixed bag, the world is full of shitty people, and my “then” friend was revealed to be a fucking selfish, sociopathic, manipulative, narcissistic, and compulsive liar.

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Beefster Report

Blog Episode 13: The Legacy

ㅤTHE LEGACYㅤ

FOREWORD:

Downloads:

Table of Contents:

—

—Chapter 1: Finding My Footing

—Chapter 2: The SMBX Chronicles

—Chapter 3: Rivalry

—Chapter 4: More Than Just Rivals

—Chapter 5: The Knux Experience and the Growth of my Forum

—Chapter 6: The SMW Hack Variety Hour

—Chapter 7: Making Enemies

—Chapter 8: The Burning of Troy

—Chapter 9: The Passing of the Torch, Part 1: A Phone Rant

—Chapter 10: The Passing of the Torch, Part 2: New Discoveries

—Chapter 11: Birth of a Tyrant

—Chapter 12: The Big Announcement

—Chapter 13: Come One, Come All!

—Chapter 14: Lost of Interest

—Chapter 15: Team Fortress 2

—Chapter 16: The Gilly Chronicles

—Chapter 17: A New Year, A New Me

—Chapter 18: Never Meet Your Heroes

—Chapter 19: The Nightmare Begins

—Chapter 20: The Tyrant Reemerges

—Chapter 21: The Let's Play Channel

—Chapter 22: The Game Dev Journal

—Chapter 23: The "J" Chronicles Prologue

—Chapter 24: The "J" Chronicles

—Chapter 25: You Had One Job

—Chapter 26: The Final Chapter, The Final Battle

—Chapter 27: Epilogue - Dear Humanity

—TL:DR (Too Long, Didn't Read)

—

Introduction

Chapter 1: Finding my Footing

Chapter 2: The SMBX Chronicles

Chapter 3: Rivalry

Chapter 4: More Than Just Rivals

Chapter 5: The Knux Experience and the Growth of My Forum

Chapter 6: The SMW Hack Variety Hour

Chapter 7: Making Enemies

Chapter 8: The Burning of Troy

Chapter 9: The Passing of the Torch, Part 1: A Phone Rant

Chapter 10: The Passing of the Torch, Part 2: New Discoveries

Chapter 11: Birth of a Tyrant

Chapter 12: The Big Announcement

Chapter 13: Come One, Come All!

Chapter 14: Lost of Interest

Chapter 15: Team Fortress 2

Chapter 16: The Gilly Chronicles

Chapter 17: A New Year, A New Me

Chapter 18: Never Meet Your Heroes

Chapter 19: The Nightmare Begins

Chapter 20: The Tyrant Reemerges

Chapter 21: The Let’s Play Channel

Chapter 22: The Game Dev Journal

Chapter 23: The “J” Chronicles Prologue

Chapter 24: The “J” Chronicles

Chapter 25: You Had One Job

Chapter 26: The Final Chapter, The Final Battle

Chapter 27: Epilogue – Dear Humanity

TLDR: My life was a mixed bag, the world is full of shitty people, and my “then” friend was revealed to be a fucking selfish, sociopathic, manipulative, narcissistic, and compulsive liar.

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—
Chapter 1: Finding My Footing

—
Chapter 2: The SMBX Chronicles

—
Chapter 3: Rivalry

—
Chapter 4: More Than Just Rivals

—
Chapter 5: The Knux Experience and the Growth of my Forum

—
Chapter 6: The SMW Hack Variety Hour

—
Chapter 7: Making Enemies

—
Chapter 8: The Burning of Troy

—
Chapter 9: The Passing of the Torch, Part 1: A Phone Rant

—
Chapter 10: The Passing of the Torch, Part 2: New Discoveries

—
Chapter 11: Birth of a Tyrant

—
Chapter 12: The Big Announcement

—
Chapter 13: Come One, Come All!

—
Chapter 14: Lost of Interest

—
Chapter 15: Team Fortress 2

—
Chapter 16: The Gilly Chronicles

—
Chapter 17: A New Year, A New Me

—
Chapter 18: Never Meet Your Heroes

—
Chapter 19: The Nightmare Begins

—
Chapter 20: The Tyrant Reemerges

—
Chapter 21: The Let's Play Channel

—
Chapter 22: The Game Dev Journal

—
Chapter 23: The "J" Chronicles Prologue

—
Chapter 24: The "J" Chronicles

—
Chapter 25: You Had One Job

—
Chapter 26: The Final Chapter, The Final Battle

—
Chapter 27: Epilogue - Dear Humanity

—
TL:DR (Too Long, Didn't Read)