Lego Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga is the most disappointing thing since my son. I mean how can you fuck up one of the most lovable Lego franchises and just piss on it, take a shit on it, and overall messing up the core values of what made a Lego game a Lego game. It’s like fucking up mashed potatoes, you pour the packet, and boil the wate-
Alright all Plinkett jokes aside, I
was so fucking excited for this game ever since it was announced back in 2019. For
years, I have always wanted another Lego Star Wars game that covered the entire
saga of all the Star Wars movies and as much as I hated the fucking sequels, I
still wanted another Lego Star Wars game regardless. The year was 2019, it was
E3 of that year, and I didn’t pay no mind to E3 at the time as that was still
my falling out with Nintendo during that year. I checked my YouTube notifications
and suddenly was greeted to the announcement that there will be another LEGO Star
Wars game… It was called the “Skywalker Saga”, I was so fucking excited.
And so, I would begin to do more
thorough research of the development of this game, that’s how much I couldn’t
contain my excitement for this game. Finally, we get a chance to play every Star
Wars episode redone in the 4k era of video games, and I couldn’t wait to see the
ultra spicy realistic graphics and experience the fantastic gameplay of the
game, as I loved the lightsaber combat in Lego Star Wars III: The Clone Wars,
with its fluid controls and eye-candy inducing lightsaber swing effects dancing
around the screen, as you pummel enemies one by one in a satisfactory blow. For
years, I would fantasize what an HD retelling of Lego Star Wars would be, as I
fucking loved Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga as it was one of the first video
games that I’ve ever played, the prequel parts of the games being my favorite.
I would constantly think in my head
how each episode would play out in the 4K, raytracing era of video games, from
the arena fight in episode II to the lizard chase with Grievous and Palpatine’s
arrest in episode III, I was fucking excited to see how they would retell those
scenes in Lego form once again… And then came the fucking delays and my god,
there were so many fucking delays, it was ridiculous. From what was originally
going to be a 2020 game would go on to get the Half Life 3 treatment as year
after year, the game kept getting delayed further and further to the fucking
point where I even forgot the game even existed. It was ridiculous. What was
even more fucking ridiculous was the ad campaigns for the game as that factor
didn’t help because it was taunting the consumer that it was a game that was
going to come soon but never did… And then the year was 2021, the announcement
for this game’s release was going to be in 2022 and then I said to myself, “Yeah
right…”, thinking that it would eventually become a fucking 2030 game, where
the PlayStation 6 and the Xbox Series Z is coming out. Boy, I was fucking wrong,
and so the final and official release date would finally come to fruition… On April
5th of 2022, is the day this game finally gets released, and at that
point I could not contain my excitement. I saw the trailer for the game on
Nintendo’s channel (ironically) as it showcased the gameplay elements, the HUD,
the navigation menus, and the amazing graphics it had to offer. I wasn’t too
fond of the whole gameplay change, but I thought that maybe if I still gave it
a chance, it’ll eventually grow on me… Even though I said that I don’t play
video games as much nowadays, I didn’t care at that point, I had to get this
fucking game.
And so, I finally got my next
paycheck in the month of April and just 10 days later, on the 15th
of that month, I took out my credit card and swiped that motherfucker so
fucking fast, the transaction process was already finished within seconds as I rapidly
hovered my mouse over the library tab on Steam and installed the game. Seeing
the fact that the game was around 40gb, to me that was a sign that this game was
going to be promising and I couldn’t wait for what the game had to offer. So, after
pacing around back and forth in my room, killing time and what not until the
installation process was completed, I was so excited as I raced towards my
gaming PC and opened up what this promising game had to offer and then… The
game kept exiting to the desktop… Yeah, for some reason, when you start up the
game, it would keep exiting out to the desktop, so I just kept alt+tabbing it, the
game constantly kicking me out back to the desktop, until by some sheer miracle
I managed to get the game to finally run fine on my computer. Thank God for
that… I don’t know what the fuck went on with that but whatever, the game was
running and I was finally ready to play this son of a bitch!
As the game started, I kid you not,
a billion fucking logos began to pop up on screen, and you can’t skip any of
them. Yes, I get it, you made a fancy looking after effects intro, but get the
fuck off my screen! After my thumbs were bleeding from frantically pressing
down the A button on my Xbox controller, I was finally greeted to the main menu
of the game. It starts out with Rey swinging her lightsaber as she is being instructed
by master Luke Skywalker, and then the game eventually pans out, showcasing all
the important characters from all nine films in the Star Wars saga. I was then
excited to play the game and then immediately as I was about to begin, I was
suddenly thrown off by the different menu design of the game. Now, I’m not the
most up-to-date with Lego games of recent times, as if you played one, you’ve
played them all, but in this instance, something was missing… Something that
made the Lego games charming. In previous games, the menus would have a vertical
array of yellow text mimicking the font style of the film that they’re basing
the game off of. In here, the menu of the game literally feels like a fucking
menu to a generic mobile game. What the fuck is that about.
So anyways, I go to new game and
create a save file and then I’m greeted to the episode selection screen, each one
visually being a faux, 3D emulated stop motion of reenacted snippets from the
films they’re based on. Right off the bat, at this point, this game is already
dead to me, because in the other Lego games, it would be a hub world where you
can explore and enter levels, but here it just throws you in and just lets you select
what episode you want to play. They don’t even let you select any episode, you either
select episode IV or episode I and go on from there. How the fuck does this
make any sense!? So, me being a prequel lover myself, I chose to start with the
Phantom Menace and go on from there. The Star Wars theme plays and then the
typical title crawl rolls in, as yellow text marched up the screen. If you
notice very closely, the opening crawl is directly copied from the original crawl
in the films. They couldn’t come up with an original crawl to accompany the game?
I know this is just nitpicking, but come on, at least try to look like you care
about the development of your game!
So, we then get an opening cutscene
for the game in typical Lego game fashion, and then after a cartoony portrayal
of the film that it’s parodying, we then get into the gameplay of the game. At
first the game looked promising as it starts out with you piloting a ship in
space to a donut looking ship with a donut hole in the middle (seriously, what
the fuck is that), and at this point I’m thinking if this game is going to be
open world, like if it’s going to be a No Man’s Sky type of game, as that would
be a fucking wicked concept for the game. So, after that, blah blah blah, more
cutscenes, blah blah blah, and then we finally get into the game. The game
immediately starts out with an over-the-shoulder camera angle of the player, as
you control Qui Gon Jinn in this waiting room, as you run around collecting
studs and force grabbing chairs and placing them in their correct spots.
Instantly my taste for this game had immediately began to sour as one of the
biggest gripes I have for this game is the fucking camera angle.
What the fuck happened to the panned-out
camera angle in the previous Lego games? You know? The camera that didn’t look like
you were following behind someone in a fucking tunnel, because that’s what the
whole fucking game looks like! So, as you’re running throughout the whole
level, you’re just running down corridor after corridor, as the camera rotates behind
you as if you just fucking drank 12 cans of beer, because the camera cannot
fucking pan itself straight behind you, no, it has to do all these fancy
motions as it follows the player, and to be quite frank, it’s fucking disorienting.
And it’s not just secluded to this one level, the whole fucking game is like
this. I do admire the fact that they did pay homage in someway to the original
cutscenes from the original TCS game, but that does not save the fact that this
game has the word SHIT written all over the game.
Then in the second level I’m greeted
to the worst voice acting that I’ve ever heard in my entire fucking life. I
know they couldn’t get the original voice actors and hiring them would be
expensive, but come on, even though it’s Jar Jar and I shouldn’t care, at least
TRY to sound like you’re putting effort into your performance. And that’s where
my love for this game ends, there’s not a single thing that I loved about this
game so far. I just powered through the first three episodes of this game, and
I do not want to power through the remaining six… When I completed Revenge of
the Sith, I literally felt completely drained, as I realized that I’ve waited 4
years, 4 FUCKING YEARS for this shit and this is where my hard-earned $50 had
went to… This game is a fucking disappointment, and that disappointment has RISEN
to the top. Even the graphics at times look like unity level graphics, like
unfinished assets that you would load up in the first build of a game. There
are times where this game would have this beautiful raytraced look to it, but then
other times it would look bland and unfinished. The gameplay in this game is
fucking awful, and I’m even wondering if they rushed this game at the last
minute, because levels in this game go by so fast, it almost feels incomplete,
which is sad, because how can a delayed game EVEN BE RUSHED? How did Tt games
manage to defy that logic!? I guess Miyamoto was wrong after all, even a
delayed game is still fucking shit!
Literally, the gameplay in this game
and the controls are the most sluggish things that I’ve ever experienced in a
video game ever. This is like flash game level of bad controls right here. Like
when you go into a running animation, and you jump in the air, when you land on
the ground, the animation for that character begins to skip frames. I’m not kidding,
now I don’t know if this is a bad build on my end, or if maybe this is just a
bug and updates will come into the future, but if I’m paying $50 for this game that
I’ve waited 4 years for, then I expect it to be a finished, polished product. But
no, instead what we got was a polished turd. It looks beautiful on the outside,
but on the inside, it’s nothing but stinking elephant shit! The lightsaber combat
in this game is the most stiff and un-fluid things that I’ve had to control in
my entire fucking life. If you’ve played this flash game on Lego’s website back
in 2011, there was a game called Lego Star Wars: The Clone Wars – Quest for
R2-D2; it was a 3d unity game. Look up gameplay footage of that game and pay
attention to the combat in that game and compare that to this game, that’s
literally the fucking combat in this game.
Everything in this game feels
fucking rushed, like it doesn’t even feel finished. The overall game also feels
linear as well, like they don’t give any branching paths to explore and with
this confusing fucking camera angle in the game, it makes minikits hard to
fucking find! Instead, throughout the entire fucking game, you’re running
around like a fucking chicken with its head cut off, following this yellow
thing on the ground as it guides you to your destination. The whole game just
holds your hand as you traverse from point A to point B, almost like you’re just
sitting there and playing your way through a movie. It doesn’t help either that
there are also fucking quicktime events during fucking boss battles as well.
What happened to the simple button mashing boss fights of the previous games,
where you just punch the boss until it runs out of hearts? The game is so linear that I even forgot that
there are destructible obstacles in the game, so as you’re traversing
throughout the world, it just looks like you’re travelling through a fucking
tunnel. And also for some reason they got rid of the classic studs that was
used in the previous fucking games as well! What is this fucking game! What the
fuck were they thinking when they made this catastrophe! In the older games,
they made the studs bright and shiny to indicate to the player that they are
very valuable to collect, and they were satisfying to collect, especially the
blue and purple studs! In this game, the studs look so faded that they almost
camouflage against the background of the entire fucking game!
The cutscenes
are over the top and very cartoony, like the humor in this game is so
pretentious, they were trying so hard to be funny. I did get a little chuckle
from the first few cutscenes, but after a while it felt like I was watching a Ren
and Stimpy cartoon. Then in cutscenes where they’re supposed to emulate and
retell what was in the movies, they didn’t even use the right music for the
right fucking scenes! This is why I liked Lego Lord of the Ring’s cutscenes in that
game because the humor in that game is so tame and subtle and there was only
humor when it was necessary, but in this game they throw in humor just for the
sake of it. The voice acting like I said is just fucking garbage, like the
actress (because I’m going to assume it’s a girl voicing him) for young Anakin in
the phantom menace is so bad, the actress didn’t even try to disguise her voice
as a boy, as every time Anakin talks, it sounds like Rainbow Dash’s lost sister
talking through him. Also the voice sounds British too, so great you couldn’t
even hide the British accent as well, who fucking hired these people. You
couldn’t get better voice actors than these overnight actors right here?
Overall, this is one of the most
disappointing games that I’ve ever played to this date. This game in a way is almost
even worse than Kirby Star Allies, as at least that game was disappointing, but
it was short, like it took a little shit nugget in the toilet and then went
about its day, but what makes this game worse is that this game took 4 FUCKING
YEARS TO COME OUT AND ITS STILL FUCKING SHIT! Kirby Star Allies came out within
one year so that was expected, but 4 years should be a long of enough window to
patch out all the bugs and polish the game altogether. Instead what we got was
a rushed, poorly acted, poorly designed game with convoluted and confusing
mechanics and menus to navigate through. It seemed like little effort was put
into this game and it got to the point where I wanted to finish this game as
fast as possible, and that’s a bad sign where a game that you should be
enjoying is the game that you’re trying to complete as fast as possible just so
you could move on to a better game that you could’ve been playing a long
fucking time ago.
I would even go as far as to say
that this game is just as disappointing as Lego Indiana Jones 2: The Adventure Continues,
as that game also has confusing and outlandish mechanics as well, but even
then, that game has grown on me and is even superior in comparison to this
trash heap of a fucking game. Bottomline, this game is a fucking disappointment
and I literally stopped after episode three, as I don’t have any plans to
finish this game at all. It’s a shame that I went past the two hour threshold
on steam, as the only way to get a refund is by playing the game under two
hours and then submitting a support ticket to steam.
After playing this game, it had made me feel so void of any
emotion. Like I felt like a zombie after playing this game, it was like a dementor,
sucking out all emotion that I’ve had for this game. It literally took me until
episode three to realize that this game is just a rushed, linear, game that even
put Final Fantasy 13’s linearity to shame. The mechanics and menus are so
complicated to navigate through, and everything is so convoluted! They swapped
and removed some of the controls that was normally used in older Lego games
such as swapping characters, and doing a double jump downwards attack. They
even took out the ability to simply shoot by pressing X on the Xbox controller,
instead opting for a generic first/third person shooter type game control by
pressing the right trigger to aim and shoot! If we are used to playing all the
previous Lego games that have written in stone what the controls should be, why
the fuck would you change it in this fucking game, it’s going to confuse the
shit out of old and newcomers who want to play this fucking game! What the fuck
were they thinking!? It’s almost like there’s no soul put into this game, and
the lazy menu designs and poor voice acting says it all! I was so disappointed
to find out also that there was no Palpatine’s Arrest mission and Grievous Wheel
Bike chase mission as well, as all of it was just skipped, like the developers
wanted to get the game over with as soon as possible. I also noticed that they’ve
seemed to drag out cutscenes to pad out the game even longer and also skip over
what potentially could’ve been a mission in the game.
The main point I’ve been trying to make is that this game is
a huge disappointment and I can’t believe I just lost $50 out of my paycheck where
I could’ve just played Lego Star Wars: The Complete saga and get more playtime
value out of that game than this lazy, rushed piece of fucking trash. Well
anyways, fuck this game, and whoever thought it was a GOOD idea to switch the
controls and change the gameplay style for this game needs to be fucking fired,
because what ain’t broke shouldn’t be fixed, and that’s what this game just
did. Fuck this game and fuck you Tt Games for getting our hopes up by making us
wait 4 years for a piece of shit game that should’ve been released under a
year. Go fuck yourselves!
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