I'll admit... Until now, I was a huge Nintendo fan. I fucking loved them as a company. I used to buy their products, and everyday I used to play them religiously. I remember when I was 7 years old, when I grew up with flash games back then (Newgrounds, etc.), one of my parents told me about Super Mario. I was wondering who Super Mario was, as I have never heard of that character before, until my parents browsed the internet for free games for me to play and this was the very first Mario game that was presented to me that I ever played:
Ever since I played that flash game, it changed my fucking life. After that, more Mario flash games followed and I used to play it all day, everyday (and yes, this was during the time my parents put time limits on my computer, go figure...).
It wasn't until I was around I think 9 years old (2009), it was my birthday when it happened and (obviously) I turned 10 around that time. I was sitting at my table, as I was surrounded by all the usual birthday things. I remember there was a bag sitting on the table with a birthday gift inside. Next to it was a cake, loaded with fancy icings and everything. I remember blowing the candles, thinking about my wish, and lo and behold, I looked in the bag and there it was...
It was a Nintendo DSi... I was so fucking happy, I nearly had a fucking heart attack, it was the closest thing to heaven! If you didn't know, Nintendo DS's were among the fucking cool kids. If you didn't have a fucking DS during that time, you were a fucking pleb! Everyone and their mother had one! They were among the common handheld items as the fucking iPod, or an iDog (remember those?) back then, you couldn't go one place, whether it be school, or a restaurant without seeing those things in their hands! They were like the Tomogotchi's back then! Just like how you see normie fucks holding these fucking smartphones in their hands, busy twittering all day, THIS (along with the iPod), was our fucking iPhone back in the day.
I remember bringing it to school the day after, and man all my friends were so surprised, because at the time, the DSi was like the latest thing on the market while they still had their Lites, and man, me and my friends literally took turns playing on it! I then discovered that one of my friends held the "Y" button on my DSi while moving the player, and come to find out, it was the button that makes Mario run in the game and learning that feature changed the way I played Super Mario Bros. forever. It's little things like that made me like Mario and know him very well to this day.
I also remember when the DSi had the download play app where you can download games off of your friend's DS system temporarily, and you could play multiplayer on your DSi. Granted it was stupid that you had to stare at the other person's screen as you played along with your own system, as opposed to just playing on your own screen, but other than that, it was still really innovative at the time, while other portable systems, like the failure of the virtual boy, planned on releasing an extension that allows you to link two or more virtual boys together to play multiplayer; but we all know how much of a fucking flop that was.
I used to remember going over to my friend's house in elementary and playing that said Mario game that I mentioned via download play, and one of the multiplayer modes was a versus mode. We had fun playing it for fucking hours. I remember playing this versus mode and our goal was to get this giant star thingy and it was a back and forth battle between us to get it, and the last person who survives wins the game! It was a frustratingly fun challenge mode and it was a great way to destroy friendships within minutes.
Other things about the Nintendo DSi was it's DSi Shop, where you can buy games off the shop and play them on your system. Of course, it has been shut down, but the modern day equivalent of that would be Nintendo's E-Shop. I remember as a fucking kid, always wanting to get games off of the shop. I (admittedly) used to go on websites and see if point cards were available (yeah, back then, the DSi Shop and the WiiWare (I'll also get into that in a second) used something called "points") and I used to try every single one of them out of desperation just to get these new games. Of course, like always, the codes never worked and I always thought at the time that these codes were posted live to the website, and figured that if I entered the code fast enough, I'll be able to have points on my system before anybody else does. One of them was a DSi Points generator that would supposedly generate points onto your system but I never got it to work. Little did I know, later would I realize that they actually stole the codes off of the gift cards in the stores and the reason why they didn't work was because they weren't activated by the cashier, so it's a win/lose situation.
However, you may be wondering though, why would I do such a fucking heinous thing? Well back then I was upset because my parents wouldn't let me (for some reason) have DSi points on my system, and fucking thought for some fucking reason that the service was gonna steal their credit card information... Paranoid, I know. And come to find out, I wasn't the only one who thought this was bullshit. I heard other people were going through it as well, some of them who's parents thought the same thing, that the Wii Shop would steal their credit card info. Fucking stupid, I know.
I used to remember going over to my friend's house in elementary and playing that said Mario game that I mentioned via download play, and one of the multiplayer modes was a versus mode. We had fun playing it for fucking hours. I remember playing this versus mode and our goal was to get this giant star thingy and it was a back and forth battle between us to get it, and the last person who survives wins the game! It was a frustratingly fun challenge mode and it was a great way to destroy friendships within minutes.
Other things about the Nintendo DSi was it's DSi Shop, where you can buy games off the shop and play them on your system. Of course, it has been shut down, but the modern day equivalent of that would be Nintendo's E-Shop. I remember as a fucking kid, always wanting to get games off of the shop. I (admittedly) used to go on websites and see if point cards were available (yeah, back then, the DSi Shop and the WiiWare (I'll also get into that in a second) used something called "points") and I used to try every single one of them out of desperation just to get these new games. Of course, like always, the codes never worked and I always thought at the time that these codes were posted live to the website, and figured that if I entered the code fast enough, I'll be able to have points on my system before anybody else does. One of them was a DSi Points generator that would supposedly generate points onto your system but I never got it to work. Little did I know, later would I realize that they actually stole the codes off of the gift cards in the stores and the reason why they didn't work was because they weren't activated by the cashier, so it's a win/lose situation.
However, you may be wondering though, why would I do such a fucking heinous thing? Well back then I was upset because my parents wouldn't let me (for some reason) have DSi points on my system, and fucking thought for some fucking reason that the service was gonna steal their credit card information... Paranoid, I know. And come to find out, I wasn't the only one who thought this was bullshit. I heard other people were going through it as well, some of them who's parents thought the same thing, that the Wii Shop would steal their credit card info. Fucking stupid, I know.
Which brings us to another topic of mine, the Nintendo Wii. Now, since I got my Nintendo DSi in 2009, you would think that I would've gotten the Nintendo Wii in 2010? And no, I'm not a spoiled brat or anything, I'm just recollecting what I remember and how I felt. In 2010, I remember, being fucking excited for my birthday. That same year, I was getting good grades in school, and I was taking karate lessons on the same token, overall having a great fun time. This was also the same year that I've visited my friend's house for a sleepover, and these guys had every single fucking thing to kingdom fucking come, from Guitar Hero, a huge plethora array of Wii and PlayStation games, action figures and Legos, FUCKING ATV'S for us to ride around in, to even waking up to a McDonald's breakfast by their parents! Yeah, this was the fucking peak of the 2000's and I miss the 2000's to early 2010's so fucking much, it was a great fucking time period to live in!
Things were looking good so far that year, and my mom even baked me a cake from scratch and I remember nearly losing sleep due to how fucking excited I was for the upcoming day that was about to arrive. That same year, I was into SMBX, and because this was on the weekend, and I was binge-watching SMBX videos and playing SMBX episodes on my shitty Vista PC. If you don't know what SMBX is, go read The Legacy post that I made on this blog under the second chapter of that said post. Well anyways, everything was going fine, and this was a train ride that was going to roll down in history as one of the most memorable moments in my entire fucking life...
October 31st had finally rolled around, and it was finally my birthday. My parents greeted me as usual saying happy birthday, as I had turned 11 around that time. Lunchtime came and my birthday was about to begin. As my parents did the usual, rolling out those big ass video cameras which sat on tripods at time, as I was then served with the most beautiful and delicious slice of the three layer chocolate cake, laced with icing in between that my mom had made and baked the day before. As I was sitting at the dinner table, taking a small chunk out of my cake, anticipating the present that was being delivered at my dinner table, my heart wanted to jump out of my fucking chest. I was so fucking excited, and I could almost tell that it's the Nintendo Wii, because just from seeing the shape of the box itself, the outlines of the box were around the same size as a Nintendo Wii box!
I remember sitting at the table, readying myself to open it, as an anticipated smile slowly grew on my face. From what I remember, the present wrapping around the box was loose and was poorly wrapped but I didn't care, I grabbed the loosely wrapped present, readying my hands to claw open the contents that were to be witnessed by my anticipated eyes. As I handled the box however, I already knew something was off as soon as I was about to open it however... Before opening it, I kept hearing some glass tubes jingling around inside the box and instantly thought to myself that Nintendo products don't usually come with anything made out of glass. So, I had a second thought saying to myself, thinking that even if it wasn't a Nintendo Wii, hopefully it's some kind of huge Lego set, because I was really big into Lego at the time and especially loved the huge Lego sets.
As I opened the box, with an expectation half-excited, and half-disappointed. What I got was none of that... I was met with a glimpse of a picture of a test-tube on the front of the box. I was in disbelief at the moment and I didn't want to believe what I just fucking saw was real... I almost had to do a double take to make sure what I was seeing wasn't real... That didn't just fucking happen... Did it? I kept denying that this was all a prank, and thought this was just a surprise by my parents to throw me off right? I saw the box in all it's glory... It was a FUCKING chemistry set... You got to be fucking kidding me! What is this!? FUCKING ELEMENTARY!? AM I IN FUCKING 3RD GRADE? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS! Those few previous sentences were being uttered throughout my mind as my parents (ironically) looked at me in glee and was anticipating my enjoyment of this so-called "present". As I was in shock and fucking disappointment, I then had a sudden thought thinking that if this was a prank? Maybe, my parents were somehow smart enough to fit the actual box of the Nintendo Wii inside the chemistry set box?
So I backed down from retaliation, and then opened the box and took a peek inside, hoping that the present would redeem itself. My eyes were then met with nothing but chemistry parts and test tubes all neatly strewn all about inside the box, accompanied with that brand new chemical smell, no Nintendo Wii ever to be seen in sight... I remember after seeing this, looking up at my parents, tears almost forming in my eyes, quivering at the lips, as I stared at them in disappointment and pure hatred, and that's when the next thing I did was the fucking unthinkable.
I grabbed the present that was set next to my slice of cake and pushed it off the table, flipping backwards as it landed on the ground, the sounds of the glass pieces within, fighting with and knocking against each other as it emitted a loud "DINGLE-DING-DINGLE-LINGLE-LING" sound. Of course after doing this, my parents scolded me for doing such a horrible thing and throughout the entire dinner, they constantly stared at and reminded me of how much of a bad child that I was and how I was such a spoiled brat, saying things like, "After all the bad things you've done around this house, and you have the nerve to expect a Nintendo Wii!!!?". Hearing that echoed in my head throughout the entire time as I was eating my cake, nonchalantly and emotionlessly, giving the end of the hallway of our house a thousand-yard stare, as the video camera stared at me in the process, and the parent's eyes doing the same, forever capturing the unforgettable and unforgivable memory of what has went on to be one of the worst Birthday's that I have ever had in my entire life. It was so horrible that I still refuse to see footage of what took place the day it happened just 10 years later, as it was a memory that will come to haunt me as time went on, plaguing my subconscious for days, weeks, months, and years to come.
It wouldn't be however, until 2011, as apparently that was the year that would come to undo the pain that had been inflicted onto to me the previous year, as however, this story, just like anything else, has a happy ending! Around the month of October, as it was nearing it's end, I was less excited for my birthday because just like the previous one, I expected to get literally shit at that point and just went to bed, feeling hopeless as it would be another waste of 365 days out of my life. Expecting another shitty birthday to come, I suddenly had woken up at 4 in the morning and was feeling thirsty to go get some water. As I walked to the kitchen to go get some, I could make out a shadow of a giant bag that was sitting in the living room. "Huh, so this is my birthday gift?", I thought to myself. After getting a cup of water, and invited it to slither away at my insides, I approached the bag and looked inside. My half opened eyes immediately grew wide as I saw the contents inside the bag... A Nintendo Wii!
HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I WANTED TO FUCKING SCREAM! I was literally holding my hand over my mouth, trying to recollect my thoughts after what had been seen. I remember going back to bed, heart-beating in chest, as I was twisting and turning for the next couple hours to spend going back to sleep, as I laid there victoriously. As I got little more than an hour of sleep, I have awoken to the light of the sun assaulting my eyes, as it beamed through my window, my heart immediately crescendoing back to excitement, as I got out of my bed and sat in the living room, waiting for my parents to wake up as I was looking at the unopened Nintendo Wii box, as it tempted me and my eyes to open it just like the one ring from the Lord of the Rings. As I sat there like a statue for what had to have been like 30 minutes, as each passing minute flew by like dandelion seeds, the sunlight from the horizon slowly painting the room with a golden aura, my mom stepped out from the master bedroom.
She rushed to me, saying happy birthday to me, and we hugged, and I gave her the biggest hug I could have ever imagine out of the pure gratification of what was unfolded. As we both helped set up the Nintendo Wii in our living room to play in, I took out the Nintendo Wii box out of the giant birthday bag sitting on the floor and immediately saw at the bottom of the bag, a game that I always wanted! It was Kirby's Return to Dreamland! Now, at that point, I was a huge Kirby fan and still am in that regard, so seeing that as a kid who was already heavily into fucking Kirby at the time, this was a fucking match made in Heaven, and my thirst for a memorable birthday had finally been quenched.
Apparently, after opening the Nintendo Wii box, I'd come to realize that it was a bundle console, as it came with Mario Kart Wii and a steering wheel! After setting up the Wii in our living room, the first thing I did was immediately opened the Kirby game and excitedly inserted the disc into the system, as the disc began to spin and whir inside the system, as the game icon popped up on the system! I was fucking excited, and I hovered the Wii remote cursor over it and there it was, Kirby's Return to Dreamland! The triumphant fanfare played, I opened the game, and unsurprisingly, I spent the entire day playing the game in one setting until I finally beat it! Sadly though, even though I was excited to get this game days prior, I spoiled myself by watching a GameXplain video on the final boss, but that's neither here nor there, I was fucking happy as fuck, and this was time in my life was when Nintendo was at it's peak, and it was the pure pinnacle for all good things to come from it throughout my entire childhood.
As I've grew older, I have grown to still love and hold an attachment to the company, thanking it for the wonderful childhood it had given me, and thanks to their fun and innovative games, it has gotten me through my depression for the most part. Throughout the rest of that shitty decade however which is known as the 2010s, the first half of it seemed like Nintendo was still at their core roots, delivering fun and innovative games, granted some were flops here and there, but majority of it was still fun. With that time frame, came the Nintendo 3DS, a system which stubbornly my parents refused to buy for me until my hard earned purchase of the near dead system in 2016; had always intrigued me! The idea of 3D being delivered right from your handheld screen without the use of GLASSES! This was fucking alien technology to me back then, and I remember doing everything I can to convince my parents to buying me one.
There was also the Wii U, which was another console that Nintendo pumped out, and granted even though it flopped... HARD, due to lack of third party support, sales and the huge mass confusion that it was another Wii addon instead of a new console, it still had many good games on the system. The system still tried to innovate and attempt to reinvent the wheel once again with brand new thought-provoking, unique games and sequels to beloved franchises! Though some of these games were poorly received such as Star Fox Zero, and Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze, during that time, Nintendo was still going strong, and I would arguably say that this is the strongest Nintendo has ever been in terms of treating their IP's with respect, along with the release of Smash Bros 4 for the Wii U and the Nintendo 3DS respectively.
Flash forward to today however, we are now in the current generation of consoles and with the Nintendo Switch and their current array of first party games to choose from, ranging from their latest big Mario game, Super Mario Odyssey, and The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, what could possibly go wrong? Despite those two big hitters and other IP's revealed by Nintendo, what do I currently think about Nintendo as a whole and the current state of their company?
Yeah....
It's fucking shit. I'm sorry, but as a fucking loyal fan of this fucking company, I have never seen such a fucking greedy, and selfish corporation in my fucking life. Just like all the other's say about it, Nintendo has a tendency to take two steps forward, and one step backward. Well to me, Nintendo takes two steps forward, one step backwards, two steps forward again as their pull down their fucking pants, and one step backwards, taking a huge massive diarrhea puddle of shit all over your fucking shoes and then turning around, pissing in your face, and then they take two steps forward again pretending not to acknowledge the damage that they've already done.
As a loyal fan of Nintendo who doesn't want to hate this company so fucking badly, the decisions that these fucking people make is fucking absurd. It's astronomically baffling how a company like this can be so fucking out of touch, so disrespectful, so hateful towards their fucking fans and are so fucking protective of their fucking IP's. Nintendo is like that one fucking kid in school that doesn't want to share his fucking toys, but like to share everyone else's toys but however, he doesn't want to fucking share his! How fucking fair is that?
Fangames are being taken down left and fucking right. You had fucking great music channels on Youtube like GilvaSunner who dedicatively uploaded the latest tracks from any Nintendo game and BrawlBRTSMs3 who put so much BLOOD and SWEAT into uploading 15-30 minute extensions of tracks onto the platform and it was a channel that I fucking loved! Around this time, even though Nintendo removed their partnership program on YouTube (yeah, remember that fucking disaster?), I feel like this was Nintendo's last ditch effort into having that power by exerting their demonstrationism onto the platform by copyrighting videos and channels of fans who are fucking DEVOTED, DEDICATED, and fucking LOYAL to their company.
Is this how you treat your fucking fans? And don't get me started on the fucking fangames! That's one of the greatest things about the fucking community of any game is the fact that there are fangames! And when you take it all down, you wanna know what happens, you lose fucking respect for doing that because that's all the hard sweat that the fucking fans put into making a game that faithfully contributes to your legacy as a fucking company, and when you take that all away, it becomes a boring, and dull policed community with no freedom whatsoever!
I remember seeing AM2R, that Metroid fan game that everyone has always wanted to play, and the whole community roared in excitement upon it's release! Even I, a person who's not the biggest Metroid fan, in fact, I'm far from it; I myself wanted to play the game, because looking at the game, the visuals in that game is fucking stunning, and for a fangame that's made for FUCKING FREE mind you and the fact that so much hard work went into the coding, the remixing, and the redone sprites, Nintendo just swooped in and said, yeah, fuck you, I'm going to shut down your fucking work because I'm a fucking butthurt company who doesn't like to fucking share their fucking IP's with people, so instead we're going to take your fucking ideas, steal them, and resell them by making it OUR WAY based on your concept as a fan game, and sell it for fucking profit.
I remember when the Metroid 2 remake for the 3DS was announced, and people were fucking furious and rightfully fucking so. We went fucking 10 years without a fucking Metroid game and still counting. The Metroid Prime 4 which was fucking announced has yet to be fucking released, and at this point it's almost getting the fucking Half-Life 3 treatment, and in the end, I have a feeling Nintendo just announced that game at E3 just to give everyone false hopes for a game that would never come which is fucking bullshit. Nintendo is the most scummiest companies to have face the fucking earth! You thought fucking EA was bad? You thought fucking Konami was bad? This is fucking worse!
And how does Nintendo react to all of this? By shutting down the game of course, and fucking bitch-slapping other fangames to come because Nintendo is a fucking selfish greedy company that doesn't care about their fans, and just pump out mediocre games, year after fucking year!
You know when I was a fucking kid, I used to watch the Powerpuff Girls. I used to fucking love that show, along with Dexter's Laboratory and Johnny Bravo. There was this one episode in the show that is centered around the villain named Fuzzy Lumpkins. He's this alien bear creature thingy with indescribable rage issues and will beat up anybody at will who comes across and either complements or antagonizes them. And you know what, after listing all the grievances that I have with this shitty fucking company, it makes perfect fucking sense! Nintendo is like fucking Fuzzy Lumpkins! If you insult him, he'll fuck you up, if you compliment him, he'll still fuck you up and that's this shitty fucking company.
You have a shitty online service that should've been offered for FUCKING FREE like the fucking Wii U had, but no, you have to pay $20 a year just to use online. Now you may be thinking that $20 is not that much, and you're right, I would've been okay with this fucking decision, but what lies beneath the lines is fucking mental! Why am I paying $20 for a fucking online service that only allows me to play some fucking classic NES and SNES games when you could've just pumped out the fucking eShop for that? What the fuck does classic games have to do with an online service!? There's no fucking leaderboard. I legitamately thought that when the Nintendo online service was announced with their NES and SNES games, I thought that it was gonna be like some kind of leaderboard type system, you know, something similar to Arcade Archives on the eShop, but no, it's literally just a palette of classic games which 90% of them are games that people don't even know existed! I rather buy those hacked 20,000 in 1 cartridge based games than to pay $20 a year for the same thing!
And even on their online side, the $20 doesn't justify that either, because there's not enough online games to validate the value of that price tag for a service that should be fucking free. The reason why Xbox and PlayStation can get away with it is because they're huge popular consoles that's dominating the gaming market, and of course they would be a hotspot for third party developers to flock to and put their games on, and even though a monthly subscription is bullshit, at least it justifies that because PlayStation has a big community, and it backs mostly the competitive scene among multiplayers who just want to play online matches with friends!
With Nintendo however, to me, it felt like they're just e-begging or asking for fucking money, because they're fucking money hungry Jews that can't keep their fucking hands out of the money-honey pot. What a pathetic excuse to charge $20 for a fucking online service. I'd rather spend that kind of money on a bottom-shelf bottle of whiskey than to dump it on this piece of trash service such as Nintendo online. At least with bottom shelf whiskey, yeah it's not on par with the top brands, but it's enough to accompany you on some lonely nights to get you through, so I'd rather dump my money on that than this shitty service!
There's no virtual console which is fucking stupid, like seriously, what is so hard about adding a fucking virtual console!? I remember when the Switch came out and the very first thing that I wanted on my Switch was to have a whole library of classic games on my system. I was literally throwing money at my television screen wanting a virtual console on my brand new system. My 3DS was LOADED with virtual console games, and my Wii was the same thing, so why not the fucking Switch? Instead, we get to pay $20 for games that we never fucking got, and the experience with that is halfened compared to the fucking Wii U's experience of virtual consoles. I was fucking surprised to find out that even 3DS AMBASSADORS were given access to FUCKING GAMEBOY ADVANCE GAMES! GAMEBOY ADVANCE GAMES OF ALL THINGS! EVEN THE WII U ALLOWED YOU TO PLAY GAMEBOY ADVANCE GAMES, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH FUCKING NINTENDO? How did we get to a fucking point where a console that barely succeeded the 8th gen console market have a better fucking service and more options to play the games that you love, to a fucking console that came out around the near end of the entire generation and not have these fucking features at all? You would think Nintendo would look at their competitors and learn from them and how they succeed, but no, all Nintendo cares about is the fucking money, and sit back and give what the fans want when they feel like it.
I feel like Nintendo is like this scummy shop owner. He's fat, he's unkempt, and he's balding. He doesn't treat customers with respect and when you try to buy something in the shop, he tries to price gouge you with shit items that you don't need, and even though you tell him that you don't need the fucking items, he still inclines on putting the item in your bag and then DOUBLE charging you on top of that. And then you come home and you're like, wait what the fuck!? I don't remember buying this and you look at your bill and he fucking scammed you. You run back to the fucking store and you talk to the guy asking you for a fucking refund, and what does he do? He takes the receipt, spits on it, tears it, and stomps on it and tells you there are no fucking refunds, and then asks you an adjacent question saying, "Oh, and hello, welcome back to my store, would you like to buy anything else", as he attempts to offer you the same items that you bought before, but he raised the price by 40%, becoming stingier as time go by, and that what this fucking company is! They're slapping consumers in the fucking face and they don't give a shit about their loyal fucking fanbase.
And speaking of their shitty services, their refund policy is fucking absurd and fucking ridiculous! If you pay for a game on the eShop, and if it's a game that you regret or didn't mean to purchase, guess what? You might as well kiss your hard earned moolah good fucking bye, because Nintendo has zero fucking refunds. That means that once you purchase something, it's fucking done and all transactions are fucking final. Now, I've been to some stores where their policies state that "all purchases are final!" on the receipt, but these are small mom-and-pop shops, this is fucking Nintendo! This is a fucking big company, in fact, Nintendo has been ranked as the biggest company in fucking Japan! So why is there no fucking refund policy? This is bullshit! This is literally fucking robbery at this fucking point. The only way I can see to counter this problem would be to maybe require all future developers who publishes their games to release demos of it on their console, but then that would be double work for them, so great, you're making developers work twice as fucking hard over a problem that could've been easily solved if Nintendo were to have the fucking brains to come up with this nice beautiful economical system... It's called a fucking REFUND! PlayStation has it, Xbox has it, so why the fuck can't Nintendo do the same thing?
It goes to show that Nintendo is an out-of-touch company that have their heads far up their fucking asses instead of doing something reasonable and logical for fucking once. And you know, if all of these arguments that I have listed in this post so far were to be said to me back then as a Nintendo fan, I would've immediately labelled you as a hater, but now that I grown up and have witnessed the atrocities that have been committed by this fucking company, and seeing the brutal shutdowns of countless fangames and passion projects made by passionate fans left and right, it was like walking through a live holocaust, but instead of Nazis executing Jews, it was Nintendo executing it's fanbase. It goes to fucking show how fucking loyal I was. At one point, I would defend Nintendo and attack any Nintendo hater that comes in my way and I swore an oath that I will always be a Nintendo fan until the day I fucking die! I used live by that argument and I wanted that to be an argument that I would die on, but after seeing the disaster that the Nintendo Switch has been over the past few years, that loyalty began to die off, fast. You know you're fucked when you lose one of the most loyal fucking people who would fucking die defending your fucking company for the prosperity of its legacy for future days and years to come, only to be the same fan that would get shut down and prosecuted by the same hero that he has been looking up to!
Super Mario Sunshine is in widescreen and in HD, but it's in 30 FPS, which still takes away from the fucking experience. I know that the GameCube is an old system, so of course power is not going to be the main focus of the game, but again, there are fucking emulators that can run Sunshine at higher frames and even make the game look better and even more higher res than this half-job garbage! The only game that I feel like I truly paid $60 for was Super Mario Galaxy. And be honest and admit it, you bought this game for Super Mario Galaxy, because that was the game that I missed out on as a kid, as I only played Super Mario Galaxy 2 on the Wii, and playing this for the first time, I might as well just buy the original if I'm going to dunk sixty bones on this half-assed garbage of a fucking port. What's even worse is that there's no fucking Super Mario Galaxy 2 on SM3DAS! So what does that imply? Did they run out of time? Was there fucking budget issues or something? Or were they planning on releasing an HD remaster of the game and basically shell out $60 for that instead?
And because of this artificial scarcity, I even have the physical copy of SM3DAS sitting on my desk, unopened and newly sealed in its plastic film that it came in, hoping for it go up in value someday, all thanks to Nintendo's stupid decision to create scarcity for a product that should be put on shelves just like the other regular games. And while you may call this scalping, it actually isn't because scalping is the act of buying multiple copies at one time, making them unavailable to the public, and then price gouging them, making the consumer pay more than their original price. For me here, this is just an investment I'm making...
Nintendo then have the audacity to announce that they're fucking making an HD remaster of Zelda Skyward Sword. And you may be thinking, "Oh wow, a remaster of an okay Zelda game, but it's it's getting a remake, that's fucking awesome! I like how they did with the Link's Awakening game and did a complete makeover, so hopefully they're gonna do some renovations with this game!". Oh boy, how you're so fucking wrong, come on, this is Nintendo we're talking about here... No, we're just gonna give you a half-assed port of a game that half of the fans don't even care about (I'm not saying it's a bad game, but based on the community, it's a mixed bag) and put little effort into porting it over to the switch, that a fucking Homebrew hacker can do the same thing within one night, then pricing it at $60. Oh boy, do you see a pattern here, it's almost like they're FUCKING money hungry. The Nintendo Switch might as well be a fucking Nintendo Switch Mini because that's what it feels like at this point. They're thriving on old games that made them great instead of building off of and on top of that to create greater works, but instead, they just rather profit off of the games that they've made in the past that made them fucking successful in the first place.
The lack of loyalty, the lack of love that this company has for the fucking fans! It's fucking heartbreaking. As much as I'm not a Sonic fan, it seems like SEGA has more respect for their fans than fucking Nintendo does, and it's literally the slogan all over again, "SEGA does what Nintendon't", and it's fucking true! Make a Mario fan game and listen as sirens roar in the background as the Nintendo police comes banging on your door, confiscating all your belongs and raiding your house, forcing you to remove a fangame that you made out of the fucking pure love for the fucking company, and compare that to SEGA where they HIRED an indie game developer who made a fan game for Sonic, and look at how that turned out! It turned out to be Sonic Mania, and it was a game loved by many fans of the Sonic community! When fucking SEGA, a company that has gotten OUT of the console business, has gotten Nintendo beat in terms of fanbases, then it shows that Nintendo is fucking dying, and SEGA truly did lived by the fact that it indeed does what Nintendo refuse to do! SEGA even threw shade at Nintendo by joking about the fact that they're going to DMCA any Sonic fan related content that gets put on the internet, but then turned around and said that they were just kidding, encouraging fans to continue supporting the company but putting out works that help contribute to their legacy!
I feel like after all of this rambling, I feel like I've beaten the dead horse long enough, and after all the videos that I watched on YouTube, to all the channels that I'm subscribed to, seeing report after report of the shutting down of countless fangames, ROM sites, ROM hacks, art, and fucking music channels, it's no wonder that Nintendo has a very broad audience, but it's not a broad audience of supporters, it's a broader audience of haters, and those numbers are growing. You can say within the mix of them, they're mostly just elitists, but majority of them were actually loyal fans like me who were fed up with fucking Nintendo's bullshit and shitty fucking policies. They have essentially become the fucking North Korea of fucking companies, and you thought Konami was bad, Nintendo is even fucking worse! They act like you stole classified documents from Area 51, that's how fucking protective they are of their fucking IP's, it's absurd! And you know, that really hurts me... It hurts me so fucking much from the bottom of my deep loving heart for this company, and I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to cross that bridge and burn it... I didn't want to swallow that pill, but you made me do it, and more and more, I've began to see through Nintendo's bullshit where at this point, I'm actually considering (well been considering) getting a PS5. I had a PS4 Slim but sold it because I wanted to use that money to buy and spend more time with my Nintendo Switch, but seeing the despicable acts committed by Nintendo and the lazy, uninspired games made by them of recent times, it's no wonder why I've switched masters.
There was once a time when the Nintendo Switch was first announced... It was E3 of 2017, and all the big companies were announcing their games. I was still following Nintendo at the time, but I was worried about the line up of games, because they only announced two first party games that majority of the people gave a shit about... But when E3 came, when I saw the trailers for the new Mario game, the new fucking KIRBY GAME, the next FUCKING METROID GAME COMING OUT, my "am I convinced" meter escaped the threshold of the meter itself, instantly convincing me and giving me every single reason why I should own a Nintendo Switch! I was so fucking excited and I immediately started hunting for Nintendo Switches day-in and day-out until I finally got my hands on one.
I remember turning it on, and being presented with the red Nintendo Switch logo, and then I started playing games on it. I was downloading demos left and right, making multiple of digital purchases and overall playing their first party exclusive games. However, as time went on, as I've plowed through hours and hours of playing the games, it just suddenly hit me in the back of my head. It seems like many of these Nintendo games lost their fucking charm. The design, the UI, the lack of creativity, majority of these games feel fucking empty, to the point where the third party games feel like it has more charm than these overpriced empty-feeling games! Over time as I played these games, I began to ask this exact question in the back of my head on occasion as I've played through these games...
Do I actually feel proud of having a Nintendo Switch? Do I actually feel satisfied having spent my hard-earned $299 on this so-called console? Do I actually feel accomplished purchasing such a feat?
Honestly, do I feel proud of owning the Nintendo Switch? Is owning the Nintendo Switch actually something to be fucking proud of? I literally feel like there's absolutely nothing to be proud of. Combined with shitty services, shitty line up of games, lazy ports that should actually be FUCKING free since they're using ROMs instead of porting the original game onto the system, DMCA takedowns of fucking passion projects, shitty online services, no backwards compatibility, no virtual consoles, overpriced fucking games that should be at least $20 to $25 cheaper than what it actually is, but no, they like to stroke that $60 mark every single time; lack of sales on first party games, no remorse for fucking fans, and the fucking list goes on. You fucking thought that Apple was bad for their countless lawsuits against companies and products over fucking petty things, well move over Tim Cook, apparently Nintendo takes the fucking cake with their DMCA takedowns. Even fucking Disney, as much as they're known for copyrighting everything that's related to their property, even Disney doesn't do this shit as much as Nintendo does!
I won't forget it, there was this one video of this Nintendo fan and he was so fucking livid in that video. Really fucking livid! He was once a Nintendo fan like me, and he loved Nintendo so fucking much, and he said in that rant about his thoughts on the whole AM2R situation where Nintendo took down the fangame and the developer had to remove all traces of the links to the project. There was one moment in the fucking video where he was watching the E3 for 2017, and he said that he was loving it so far. He liked the lineup of games that were announced and he was so close... So close to being convinced of getting a Nintendo Switch. When he saw the Metroid 2, 3DS remake around the end of the E3 direct, he literally fucking screamed in that video... He was fucking insulted and fucking livid (rightfully so) by the fact that not only a fucking game that was made as a passion project was fucking taken down, but Nintendo literally took that idea and fucking made A FUCKING PROFIT OFF OF THIS FUCKING GAME! I don't care if it's your fucking IP and you have your right to defend it, this is a fucking scummy move and this fucking guy was exactly fucking right. He was so fucking pissed that he even went as far as to wanting to go to Nintendo of Japan's headquarters in Kyoto and beat up the fucking executives that's behind all of this fucking shit, and I couldn't have said and agreed any better!
There's no redeeming qualities for the Nintendo Switch as a whole, it feels like a soulless rendering of a what could of been great console. I feel like the Nintendo Switch is just the Nintendo Wii U, IN NAME ONLY, but instead, they took out all the features that made the Wii U great, into this bland soulless, empty room of a fucking console that is the Nintendo Switch. Even the fucking UI is fucking dead looking. It literally looks fucking dead, like no menu music? Seriously? They have a Mii Maker option still, but where's the fucking iconic Mii music? It's like Nintendo forgot how to have fun anymore... I have a feeling that if Mr. Iwata was still around, he would've actually carried all the characteristics and charm that the Nintendo Wii U and all the previous Nintendo consoles had over to the Nintendo Switch, but because Nintendo is so incompetent, they can't even fucking decide who should be fucking president of the fucking company. You had to cycle through two fucking presidents over a fucking course of 4 years, and you can't even decide who should stay and make up your mind!? What the fuck is going on!? You had Kimishima and then he's like, "Nope I'm outta here", and then Furukawa stepped in. It goes to show how out of touch Nintendo really is!
Going back to my main point, the overall Switch interface is fucking dead looking. There's no fucking charm, it literally feels fucking empty. Even the fucking PS4 had music (granted it came out before but still), and at first when I realized that there were no music, I was thinking to myself that maybe this is like a brand new house that has just been built. There's no furniture there, the walls are recently painted wet, and it awaits someone to inhabit it and decorate it, eventually making it fancy looking. Well, guess what, four years fucking later, we still have absolutely nothing. Oh, and the themes? You can forget about the fucking themes, they still have the two same themes, Black and White... No variety, no blue, no red, no orange, no magenta, no fucking plaid. It's almost like the developers forgot about it and just implemented it just for the sake of implementing it.
The games are not even that fucking great for a first party game. Just like the emptiness of the Nintendo Switch itself, the "games" share that "emptiness" with it as fucking well. Super Mario Odyssey is a fucking joke. Literally, majority of the game is just open world, and no music whatsoever. This is why I still think to this day that Super Mario Galaxy is the best Mario game ever made, because everything about that game is done with charm, and it is perfect because of that... Here, it literally feels like a random map that student made, and was downloaded off of a 3D game engine website for Unreal Engine 4 and just throw in some enemies and some obstacles here and fucking there, and there you go, there's the fucking game. This game is literally just 3D assets vomited all over the map as the developers literally didn't know what the fuck they were doing when they made this fucking game, and just had the sudden idea to say, "Hmm, let's throw some fucking realistic humans and some dogs here and there, that'll make the game sell like hotcakes!". This isn't fucking Sonic '06, this is fucking Super Mario! The same franchise that brought you Geno from Super Mario RPG, the same franchise that brought you Luigi's Mansion, the same franchise that brought you the fucking Lumas and Princess Rosalina from Super Mario Galaxy!
Is this how you want to answer the previous true 3D Mario game, Super Mario Galaxy, which was a fucking masterpiece and explored going beyond the boundaries of what was possible in game development, by making a game where it's just another 3D Mario game with huge maps thrown in, random characters that look like something that can be purchased off of the Unity 3D Assets store, and place moons in random locations that don't resonate with the reasoning why it is placed there in the first place. Even the gameplay feels lazily done, like there's something about the gameplay that doesn't even feel like fucking Mario anymore, it feels like I'm playing an Unreal Engine 4 demo. You know how there are video showcases of Nintendo characters in these Unreal Engine demos, where they're pitted against these hyper-realistic maps that look like something out of Red Dead Redemption 2, and when you see them move the player, it feels cheap and doesn't feel AAA quality, basically just having that cheaply programmed fangame quality to it? Yeah, that's what I felt like I was playing. I was playing a $60 Unreal Engine demo, where I could enjoy that same experience for free...
Breath of the Wild was okay, but I was never really in the Zelda as this is the very first Zelda game that I have ever owned in my entire life, and as much as I want to hate it because of the fucking annoying HORSE mechanic in that game, I decided to retrieve that argument, because the horse mechanic in Red Dead Redemption 2 is just as annoying as in this game, so I'll give that a pass. However, over all, it's the same thing like Mario Odyssey, absence of music, no atmosphere, just fucking empty, and I get what they're going for with the "broken-world" type vibe here, but I'm just not feeling it. It still follows the same formula like all the other Zelda games, so it still doesn't make sense why there's not that much music here...
There hasn't been any new games for the Nintendo Switch and the entire AAA library feels just as vague as the entire fucking library for the Virtual Boy console, that's how lacking they are in the first party games department. Where's Pikmin 4? Where's fucking Donkey Kong? Where's Star Fox? There was a Star Fox crossover game called Starlink for the system, but that doesn't count. WHERE THE FUCK IS METROID PRIME 4? All these games were promised to us, to apparently show that Nintendo is back and dominating once again, but it seemed like all of these announcements were fucking lies to get our hopes up and increase profit and sales. Is that what we've come to, where we have to wait for the end of a console's life cycle, just so we can experience a game that was promised to us at the beginning of the console's life cycle? You might as well just announce it around the end then, if it's going to take them this long to release a game such as Metroid Prime 4. It's fucking ridiculous.
Overall, all of these things that I have listed in this post is basically all the culminating grievances that I have with Nintendo, and as much as I hate to depart from them as they have planted that seed into my heart, I hate to say this, but I'm fucking done with fucking Nintendo. Like they literally killed the Nintendo inside of me. It's like growing up with a father that really loved you and cares about you, and then go fight in the US army, risking your life on the front lines, you are willing to die protecting your country. And then you come back home to meet your father once again, and that same caring and loving father that once loved you and cared for you, now wants to disown you, and don't want to have anything to do with you.
And that's this entire experience for me and other Nintendo fans in a nutshell. I am being disowned by a father figure for no reason, despite the relentless efforts of being supportive of their products and their company as a whole. I'm really sorry to fucking say this and this is coming straight from the bottom of my heart of how I truly feel after all of this debacle from so many fucking years, but after witnessing the countless stupidity and the amount of shitty decisions made by this fucking company, from the bottom of my fucking heart... Fuck you Nintendo... Fuck you... I hope you go out of fucking business and go fucking bankrupt. If this is how you treat your fans, than why should us fans treat you with respect? There will come a time where your lust for power will come to an end, and all the times that you've skimped over on your fans by fucking them in the mouth with your DMCA dick and taking their ideas by reselling them at a AAA price, it's all going to bite you in the fucking ass one day, and I wish fucking bad karma will come upon this fucking company for all the fucking shit you've put your fucking fans through. There will come a time where all your products will be boycotted and all the once loyal fans of yours that were once supporting you would go on to either join Microsoft or Sony at that point, and then the moment you realize your faults, it would already be too late, as there is nothing you can do to save yourself from your deserved irrelevancy... Should they finally make the decision come out with that high powered console that is on the same level as current gen graphic consoles, it won't be enough to change the fact you were a bitch to your fucking fans, and I hope they learn their fucking lesson from this.
Overall, I'm fucking done with Nintendo. I'd used to literally find reasons not to hate Nintendo, because they literally were responsible for helping me get through with my depression, but seeing these horrible acts committed by them and their lack of lamentation and their tone-deaf responses to the fucking community, it's no wonder they get so much fucking hate. As much as I began to fucking hate Japan with a fucking passion around the turning point of my hatred for anime in late 2014/early 2015, Nintendo was literally the last shred of hope and respect that I actually had for the fucking country, because you know... Nintendo actually had a good fucking relationship with us, and actually cared about us, even helping save us from the video game crash of 1983. Some of the Nintendo characters were even honorably named after real people who've helped defend them legally, or helped contributed to them loyally. America's relationship with Nintendo was very strong back then, and it was at that point where this was possibly the closest America has ever been in terms of building national relations with Japan... However, because this is now the 21st century, and literally the internet has now become fucking plagued with fucking British people (A.K.A, the limeys), Nintendo (and many Japanese companies after them to follow) had abandoned us and is now leaning more towards the European market instead of the Americas.
Because of this, just like many other companies in Japan, it goes to show that there must be a recent grudge against us from that country, as they've been showing subtle signs of blacklisting us, and because Nintendo was my last shred of hope for that country, it has now been shredded fucking completely, and now every time I think about fucking Nintendo, I want to fucking vomit due to how much of a fucking cuck I was, drinking their fucking Kool-Aid for so many years, only to be buttfucked unknowingly this whole time. Because Nintendo is a "jap" company, I have come to the fucking realization that they're just like the rest of them. All the fucking same... Greedy, middle-aged jap businessmen who only cares about the money and themselves. Japan only sells us 10% of the product while they get to keep the 90%, showing how fucking exploitative the japs really are. Here in the western world, as much as I hate the woke ideologies that these companies have recently adopted, at least they distribute their products equally across the board. There might be some local exclusives here and there, but overall, America only cares about getting their products to other countries just exactly like the way we get our products here in our own country. At least we try to be fair.
But how would you feel if we shipped out 30% of Microsoft's Windows features around the globe, and only keep 70% for ourselves? Does that sound fair? No? Well that's exactly the anatomy of every Japanese company in existence that make trade deals with us. And on top of that, they charge us federal and high import taxes on top of that, just to fuck over consumers. No other country does that! Do you notice how LEGO keeps their prices the same internationally across the world. Doesn't matter if currency differs, they still want to keep it the same as their original country, which may be a cheap ploy, but at least they tried to keep the experience the exact same. Same thing with Ikea, they keep their products exactly as experienced in Sweden. Japan however, unsurprisingly is unopen to strangers and foreigners, so of course instead, they act like a bunch of greedy Jews. They monitor the human psyche of the western world, and analyze our thought/psychological patterns just so they can exclusively cater to us, only for them to make them our lab rats and our fucking slaves. They make better products than us just so they can show us up on the incompetency that we are as country, and to add insult to injury, they keep 80% of the features for themselves and leave the 20% for us to consume, just like a slave consuming table scraps leftover from his master.
Bottom line is, Nintendo is apart of the problem... The Japan problem, and I hate to say this, but I have decided to devote my loyalty to another gaming company that cares and have a more better understanding of how a fanbase works. While Nintendo was taking down fangames, SEGA praised them, while Nintendo was taking down Nintendo related content on Youtube, AAA game companies like EA and Ubisoft praised them, allowing ad-revenue for both parties where-as Nintendo created this bullshit partnership program; while Nintendo was striking down music channels and blaming the fans for pirating their music, even though Nintendo gave them absolutely no option to download their music at all, you have music artists on Bandcamp making the soundtracks that they've worked on available to the public for purchase... I'm really sorry to say this, but I decided to make a "switch" (no pun intended) to Sony's PlayStation. And granted, even though Sony is a Japanese company, and like my theory always goes... "Where there's a jap, there's always a brit", I have no choice still but to buy a PlayStation 5, because at least with the PlayStation, you're getting more features, decent customer support, great AAA games that you wouldn't even dream of being ported over to the Nintendo Switch, and it even plays PS4 games! What more do you fucking want. I am also looking at the Xbox Series X, but my eyes is mostly on the PlayStation. I'm done with fucking Nintendo, and just thinking about them makes me fucking sick to my stomach from all the years that they've fucking groomed and lied to me as a fucking fan.
Today is the 15th of June, 2021, as I type this. It is very early in the morning, around the middle of the night, and today is the supposed day of E3 for Nintendo... If this is the announcement that people have so-called been waiting for, with the arrival of the Nintendo Switch Pro, then it better be fucking good. This is your last chance Nintendo, prove yourself or lose your loyalty forever... If all goes well, then maybe, JUST MAYBE, I might have a very small inch of respect for your pathetic company. If it doesn't, well... Even if you had that very small inch of respect to begin with, it's still not enough to take back all what was said about your company, your shitty policies, and your shitty business practices, so... All-in-all... Goodbye Nintendo. It goes to show how hurtful bridge-burning can be when it comes to building your fanbase...
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